This is a day to remember. This is a day that we should never forget.
I’m officially online. Can you believe that? I began this random act of writing about the Bachelor back in the Firestone days. For years, several of you have suggested I get a message board or blog or website. And I just felt silly. This thing is not worth a blog. This is too embarrassing for a message board. Do I really want my words in cyber space for all to read?
Then I decided, who cares? Once my “list” hit around 1,000 names, it just became too hard to keep up with. It was at that point that I began hinting around to my computer savvy friend Jason that he needed to hook me up with an efficient way to reach the masses. Jason would direct me to websites and encourages me to research. He would always ask me if I had looked over the information and I would lie and say yes. He would then say, “You are a liar. Why are you scared?”
I’m not scared. I’m lazy. Plain and simple. Hate technology. Hate computers. Don’t really care how they work. I just want to write my stupid recap and send it out to the millions of people around the world who depend on my daily dose of craziness. Is that too much to ask? I don’t care to research unless it is to find the nearest Jack-in-the-Box by my work. Or Target. And there I draw the line.
Jason then sent my email to a co-worker of his named Paul.
Paul is my new best friend. In about five seconds, he had created a blog/website thing for my recaps. And it is too cute with precious polka-dots. He is doing this all out of the goodness of his heart and for that…I thank him.
So let’s get this party started! It is with great excitement that I invite you to www.thebachelorrecaps.com. Enjoy the madness!
Episode 2
I think I received 1.2 million emails between last Monday and this morning. You people thought I fell off the face of the Earth, didn’t you? So many new faces. So much to fill you in on. Let’s make it easy, shall we?
For those of you who don’t know me very well, I like lists. I find them easy and entertaining. Here is a list of things you should know about my recaps:
1. I get embarrassed for the people on the show. Way embarrassed. Sometimes I have to hide my face. Other times, I have to fast forward through awkward moments. It’s who I am. I often yell, “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO” to the TV. Or scream, “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP” or “STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT” because I feel for the girls. Which leads me to…
2. “Bless her heart.” This simple phrase was introduced to me by my dear friend Jill. She uses it when situations are so sad that there is nothing else to say. For instance, when one of the Bachelorettes fakes a sprained ankle and hoists her leg in the lap of Dr. Hottie to check out…the only thing you can say, (after thinking GIVE ME A BREAK in your head) is “Bless her heart.”
3. Random stories: I will tell you random stories that have nothing to do with the show. I will alert you so that you may scroll down if you are not interested. It’s who I am.
4. No matter what you may believe, I’m probably cooler than you think. I just turned 30 and have the diet of a 3rd grader. I enjoy all movies as long as they are romantic comedies, romance or have any kind of dancing or roller skating involved. Have a tendency to be stuck in the ‘80s and will occasionally reference the best decade ever in the recap. If that’s not cool…I don’t know what is.
RANDOM STORY
So I went to salsa class last night at the gym. Salsa. You read that correctly. Best class I’ve ever been to. Not only did I sweat, get a good workout and enjoy myself tremendously, but our instructor Ricardo could seriously give Ricky Martin a run for his money in the hip swivel department. I will be going back. Cha-cha-cha. That is why the recap is late. I had to watch the Bachelor, watch in fast-forward the Golden Globes (GO SEE WALK THE LINE) and then pack for a trip to Wyoming. I’m going to visit a PACE rig. It sounds as fun as it is. Me and my pink hard hat and steel toe boots will battle the weather, antelope and snowy driving conditions to fully understand the wonder that is the PACE.
All that to say, I was too tired to write the recap last night, and I apologize for the late delay. I could blame it on Paul, but because he is my new BFF, I won’t.
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. If this e-mail circulates to friends, family, enemies…that is your business. However, if you or someone in your address book happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying tofu or have a nail technician that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the
show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
I am no longer allowed to call the Bachelor HSD any more. My Mom thinks it sounds like a school district. My friend Kimberly thinks it sounds like a sexually transmitted disease. Therefore, stealing from my other favorite show Grey’s Anatomy, Travis Stork will from now on be known as Dr. McHottie. Case closed. Everyone happy now?
So my sister calls last night in a panic around 7:59 p.m. THE BACHELOR IS ON! DID YOU KNOW IT WAS TWO HOURS? ARE YOU WATCHING? I HAD NO IDEA. Actually, I did read somewhere that it was on for two hours. In true ABC form, we had to sit through a whole hour of a “special encore presentation” of the Bachelor with “never before seen footage of the rose ceremony night.”
Please. I don’t need that. I’m already having a hard time flipping between the Golden Globes and the Antique Road Show. I am not going to waste my time learning about girls who have already been kicked off because their eggs are rotten.
I will begin at the second hour.
Chris greets the girls in front of their new château with a hearty, “Good morning ladies!” They answer in unison, “Good morning Chris!” Why a bunch of girls answering in unison bothers me so is a question to ponder. Since I was the captain of my high school drill team and we had to cheer for the football team in the stands, it drove me FREAKING NUTS when the girls would “wwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooo” all together. Can I get a “Go team” or “DEFENSE” every once in a while? It’s a peeve. I’m working on it.
The girls are dressed in the latest denim fashions from the States with tiny tees and kicky boots. All looking fresh out of Vogue. Chris tells them that there will be two group dates and that since she was picked last, Kristen has scored the only one-on-one date. They all scream in unison (nails against the chalkboard) as they tour the chateau, hugging each other as if they were best friends forever!
Group Date 1
Box arrives with miniature Eiffel Tower, cameras and maps of the city. The girls are going to see Paris in a big red bus with its own lush love pad, fully equipped with fluffy pillows and booze.
The girls: Cole, Yvonne, Sarah, Elizabeth, Jehan and Susan
While in the Pier One pimped out bus, Dr. McHottie asks the group, “What is the one activity you could not give up?” Jehan answers yoga. Nice and safe Jehan. Yvonne answers shopping. Snaps for being honest Yvonne. Unfortunately, Dr. McHottie gives her a look of disgust and says that he could not give up camping. It is at that point that the rest of the girls chime in and tell stories of fly fishing, rafting down random rivers and igniting fires with a blade of grass, a little bit of sand and a bobby pin.
We finally get to the Tower and all the girls oooooooooo and ahhhhhhhh in annoying unison. Dr. McHottie takes Cole away and she gives him a rose since he never gets one. At this point I look for an appropriate place on my overstuffed chair to hurl. Where is my bucket anyway?
Alas it starts raining and the ABC intern has to run to the local thrift shop and purchase seven clear bubble umbrellas from 1972. Dr. McHottie takes Jehan to the top of the arch where miraculously, a blanket of raccoon tails and you guessed it…a bottle of booze is laid out for the two to sit and freeze. Nice. McHottie is pumped about “Gee-hand” because she is laid back and smiles all the time. He can see them having a beer together. He quickly leaves her to retrieve the super special rose and returns asking her if she would do him a huge favor. What she asks? “Will you accept this rose?” Great line. Two thumbs up!
Solo Date
Kristen
Bless her heart. Oh Kristen. Before I get to her single date, we have to recall the infamous toilet paper incident. You see, dear Kristen was fascinated that the ABC intern was thinking ahead and purchased Charmin with hearts on it. She had the BEST IDEA EVER and tried her hardest to encourage the other girls to make toilet paper wedding dresses. The response to her idea was a bunch of blank stares. Bless her heart. I think I did that at a wedding shower once. Or maybe I was at a 6th grade sleep over and we froze some girl’s bra. I can’t remember.
The word you are looking for is…anyway…
Bless her heart Kristen writes poetry. There is nothing wrong with that. I’ve written a poem or two in my day. Although I prefer the haiku, Kristen likes the more…shall we say…elementary versions. You know:
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
You are sweet.
And I like you.
Sarah from Nashville wanders up on Kristen in deep thought. She is trying to find a word that rhymes with river. Ouch. That is tough. Sarah helps poor Kristen, secretly thinking, “YES! This crazy girl is GOING HOME TONIGHT!”
Cut to Dr. McHottie. He tells the camera that Kristen received a rose for her bright personality. He wants to see if there is anything else there. Yep. That’s code for, “I’m ticked off at ABC for screwing me over with a wasted one-on-one date with the shot glass chick. That was unfair! Note to self…pick the hot girls last next time Doctor.”
He calls her Mom to see what her favorite food is and arranges for the ABC intern to run down to Olive Garden for the bread sticks and salad. Kristen thinks that is SO COOL and is pumped that the rose is on the table. This, of COURSE, means that he is giving it to her.
Let’s all say it together: Bless her heart.
In obvious pain, McHottie explains to Kristen that the rose is there as a reminder to him that this there is an important decision to be made at the end of the night and then encourages her by saying, “Let’s see how the date goes.”
MAYDAY MAYDAY! COME IN KRISTEN! TONE IT DOWN…YOU ARE ON THE BRINK OF LOSING HIM. REPEAT. YOU ARE ON THE BRINK OF LOSING HIM. WHATEVER YOU DO…DO NOT SHOW HIM THE ORANGE PEEL TRICK. REPEAT. DO NOT SHOW HIM THE ORANGE PEEL TRICK.
Poor Kristen. Bless her heart. She didn’t read the signs. She stayed true to that heart on her sleeve, cut up an orange peel and put it in her mouth as Bubba teeth. Then asked if she had ruined the moment.
Of course…Kristen did not receive a rose and was sent home that night.
Let’s have a moment of silence for her dignity.
Amen.
While Kristen is on her date, ABC returns to the chateau to find the remaining girls boozing it up around the table talking about what turns them on. Something about hard nipples, baby oil and hair pulling. I would like to put throat growling on the table. Takers anyone? It has to be a good throat growl. There are few who can perform the task correctly…
RANDOM STORY ALERT
His name is Mike Taylor and we were Jungle Cruise Skippers together at Disney World. Mike was cool. He was one of the better skippers. One day, we were riding the bus to the Magic Kingdom. We were talking about stupid human tricks.
Like how I can say the ABCs backwards? He said something about how he is known for his growl and I just looked at him thinking, my trick is way better than yours. He leaned over and growled in my ear and I nearly melted. Don’t ask me. I can’t explain it. Luckily…that was early in our internship and for the next six months, when I was on the dock and Mike was pulling up a boat, he would occasionally growl in the microphone for me. Not too often, but every once in a while. Cut to earlier last year when Jill and I went back to Disney World to re-live our Skipper days on the Jungle Cruise when who do we find at MGM posing as Luke Skywalker? None other than Mike himself. And what did he do as I went to have my picture taken with him? Growl in my ear. Heaven ladies. If it is done correctly…heaven. Practice guys. And while I’m giving advice, learn to dance.
I’m getting faint just thinking about it. I need to pause.
Breathing. Breathing. Breathing.
And I’m back.
Group Date 2
The girls squeal in unison (gag me) at the arrival of the next date box. Going to drink champagne in Champagne. Helicopters arrive and whisk Jennifer, Moana, Shiloh, Red Head Tara and Student Sarah away. Dr. McHottie asks if there is anything cooler than this chopper ride. Then answers himself, “Seriously.” That’s my new word by the way. Spread it around. Seriously.
Jennifer and Shiloh are not featured in the date. I don’t know either of them. The girls get mad that Moana is not there for the right reasons. She doesn’t know if she likes the Bachelor. She is not into group dates. She is going to be a pain in my rear. And this is why: DON’T GO ON THE SHOW IF YOU ARE THIS WAY! C’mon! Give me a break. But it does make good TV. Have to have the villain.
Student Sarah asks Dr. McHottie to accompany her by the champagne in an adjacent cave. She all but takes her clothes off in hopes to get a kiss from McHottie, but he thinks it is uncool to kiss anyone on a group date. Very nice. Liking him more an more. No kissing. No hot tubs. Make us wait!
Just as McHottie is about to give his super special rose, Red Head Tara takes him down the dungeon to pour out her heart. Note that she is wearing boots and shorts. It is at this moment that I wonder where the Gap jeans, Baylor sweat shirts and flip flops are? That is what I would wear if I were on the show. Dress up once for him and then be yourself. I may apply lipstick if I’m feeling particularly saucy.
So Red tells McHottie that she is nervous she is not going to get a rose and he assures her that there is nothing to worry about. He ends up giving her the rose anyway and Student Sarah is pissed!
ROSE CEREMONY
I have to admit it was a good ceremony. McHottie tells Elizabeth that she is so positive. (ALERT ALERT ALERT) and tells Cole that she is the sweetest person he has ever met (KISS OF DEATH). Nashville Sarah says that she likes to be friends with her boyfriends first and then freaks out that she won’t get a rose.
It is at this point that McHottie takes Hot Susan to his bedroom and gives her a birthday cake. Told him that when he looks at her, the world melts away. They were THIS close to making out when Red and Geehand walk in to spoil the fun. What we didn’t see was the ABC producer encouraging them to LOOK IN HERE so that the kiss would be ruined and we would have to wait a whole week to see McHottie in action. He gets annoyed with Red and Gee because they have already received roses and should let him get to know the other girls. He sends them away with a piece of Hot Susan’s cake.
Student Sarah pulls McHottie away again and tells him that she wants to kiss. He says no. She asks for a baby kiss in a baby voice that made me want to stick my pencil I was taking notes with in my ear. He says no. She then pulls away and in her BEST baby voice asks, “You don’t want to kiss me?” He said that he wants to have restraint. If he would kiss anyone, it would be her. For some reason, he thinks she is adorable.
Luckily, we don’t have to sit through McHottie staring at framed pictures of the girls he must choose from that are displayed on a Pottery Barn bureau. We get right to the point and hear his choices:
Moana: Of course. We have to have drama.
Nashville Sarah: Home town connection, but she won’t win.
Jennifer: Who is this person?
Student Sarah: Surprise, surprise.
Shiloh: WHAT? No Cole? But she was the sweetest person he had ever met?
Hot Susan: Again…picks the chick he thinks he will get one-on-one with since she is last. I HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT ABC. TAKE THAT!
It wouldn’t be rose ceremony without a few tears. Poor Cole thinks that it is unfair that there are girls left in the house that don’t want to be there.
And did anyone find it odd that Student Sarah held McHottie’s hand at the end before they toasted? Stalker material perhaps?
I think there are bathing suits next week. Rock on!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
While I’m excited that this recap is now on the web and I can easily send people to it, I am sad that I won’t have Lincee’s humor directly in my inbox. Way to go Lincee! Melissa, Tallahassee, Fl.
LOVE it!!! I was literally laughing out loud. You crack me up!! I think I like reading your recap better than watching the actual show! Can’t wait to see what they come up with next week!
Lincee - you ROCK - too darn funny! Love the random moments on the blog.
Lincee-
These comments get better and better and better!!
Lincee-
LOVE the recaps! Keep them coming… Glad to know I am not the only one who finds joy in laughing at loud at other people!
You are so funny!! And yeah for you for getting on the web. It will be no time before you get that book deal!!
Lincee - I’m so glad you are online. That’s great. I loved recap two. I’m so suprised someone from ABC or People haven’t stumbled upon you… and started making us pay for your services. ha ha ha
Anyway, I’m voting for Young Sarah and Susan to be our final two with him picking Susan as the final. We’ll see…
The show won’t be the same without your recaps. My co workers were wondering what happen to the recap, but we are all happy to know that you have started this blog. LOVE IT…
I am glad I am not the only one that found it odd that Student Sarah (who I like to call Oh Canada) was holding his hand at the end…she is definitely stalker material! Keep em coming!
Snaps on the web site!!!
I am probably the only straight guy reading these, but they’re pretty much the only reason I watch the show! Your comments crack me up! congrats on the website!
Okay, I’m going to say it - isn’t it “Dr. McDreamy“?? (not criticing, just helping out)
those 23 yr. olds aren’t going to make it near the finals!
You should see if your new BFF could put up some sort of a poll where people could “pick their horse.” It would be fun to see how (in)accurate we can be!
FYI, “seriously” is also one of my favorite new phrases … also due to Grey’s Anatomy!
I had no idea what this was all about. My friend watches the bachelor and sent it over to me. See, after Jenn Schefft, I vowed to never watch another Bachelor. I got way too invested to be left high and dry. But this is hilarious! You should publish a book, I haven’t read anything this entertaining in ages!! I am keeping my vow to not watch this show, but bet your ass I will read your blog! Thanks for the laughs!!
You are awesome…SERIOUSLY! I can’t wait until next week!
You make my Tuesday. You are such a hoot. Love the recaps, love the blog! Hey, I sound like Yvonne. Speaking of which, I was surprised you didn’t comment on the heinous faces she made during the rose ceremony. Definitely one of the highlights!
Well done Lincee! This one of your funniest recaps yet. I love the Grey’s Anatomy references. . . . another favorite show. maybe you could recap that one too?
Lincee, I feel like I’ve got a long lost friend back! I don’t even watch the show anymore, but I loved reading this!
I love your recaps! You write exactly what I’m thinking, but in a much funnier way. Congrats on the website! You really could write a book. I would buy it.
PS. Did you notice gold earrings had on a new pair last night?
I look forward to your recaps not only for the humor but because I have Monday evening commitments and can’t watch the show (don’t get me started on the the taping issue in my home–long story). Any way Lincee, thanks for the recap with humor. LOVE IT!
Davis, Davis, Davis…the irony of pointing out that you’re the only straight guy on here…and then taking our Lincee so literally. Dr. McHottie is mearly her “spin” on Dr. McDreamy.
Hilarious! Seriously. Your recaps make my Tuesday every time!
Lincee - you have a great name and your Recaps are awesome.
THANK YOU for pointing out how Student Sarah held his hand before the toast. I would have smacked her for that - and McHottie doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would like that either. She’s too young — NO ROSE FOR CANADIAN SARAH!
Hey Lincee -
You are the best. I found myself watching the show last night while riding the trainer and wondering what you would say about all the ticking time bombs. This show is like your neighbor’s house burning down - it’s awful but you can’t help but watch. Keep up the good work, lady friend!
Big year for your Lincee - Tivo, a Blog, and a new job with the pink hard hat. So excited for you!
Did you see the footage during the credits with two of the girls doing that skit we all did at summer camp? Pretty funny - its obvious they while away the hours between dates by drinking some serious vino…
Another straight man here. Love the recaps. I don’t even like watching the show, but I strangely find the recaps hilarious. You should write a book.. is there an echo here?
sv
Don’t know who you are but I like your style! I can’t stand to watch this show anymore but your recap is hysterical! You say what I’ve been thinking. Haven’t watched the real “Bachelor” since the guy who fished for a living…and this way - by reading your recap - I get the (laughter) gain without the pain (of having to watch the show)!!! Thanks!
I am so happy the Bachelor is back on tv…not because of the show, but because of your recpas! Your sense of humor is priceless! Love the personal stories, too!!! =) Thank you!
Here’s a shout out from Cali! To recap the comments - your recap is hysterical, everyone loves you, you should be famos in your pink hard hat, etc, etc.
“Seriously” though, you do rock. I used to wait impatiently to receive a forward of your recap in my inbox, but now I can check back myself. I think you’re single handedly responsible for 50% of the ratings on Bachelor, because I only watch it to laugh with your recap the next day. ABC should give you a cut!
I don’t know who you are but I like your style! You say what I’ve been thinking about this show. I can’t hardly sit through it anymore. I just wait until it’s down to the last two, the rest is a boring repeat of girls acting stupid. With your recap I can have the gain (of the laughter) without the pain (of having to watch the show!) - Thanks!
Ok, I have become a true bachelor fan. Sometimes I even think I channel you during the episodes. But i knew last summer when I couldn’t help not going on a “Perfect Sarah Bachelor Tour” in Corning, NY (Jill sent you the pics right?) I was more than just a fan. Now, Hot Susan is from the town I currently live in. I may need to move again to give other women a chance at true love. Maybe Jill and I will do a “Hot Susan Bachelor Tour” in Overland Park this season.
I can’t believe so many people have read this thing so fast! And snaps to the two straight guys for writing in. Love to you both.
BFF Paul deserves a shout out too. Love my polka dot blog. Hope to meet you one of these days my friend!
Lincee
Glad that others appreciate the total psychotness (is that a word?) of the show.
Last night, I had a Rotten Eggs Bachelor-Watching party complete with roses, booze, CHEESE (to match the show), and good friends.
I highly suggest! Great fun!
Thanks for the great laughs, Lincee!
Lincee, You are awesome and so talented! (SEROUSLY.) The best is always the images your conjure of the ABC intern sweating bullets, trying to pimp out the rides, light candles in the rain, or deal with diva bachelorettes. This week’s recap is a classic - keep it up! McHottie is the perfect nickname for our good doctor…and Sara from Canada is definitely stalker material! Cheers to a great season of the bachelor and your hilarious recaps.
You need a job writing for Television Without Pity. You got skills girl and deserve a paycheck for this!! Great to have you back, and huge props for the website. Saves me from forwarding it to seven of my closest peeps on a weekly basis. Safe to say your web is MUCH larger than you imagined.
Melissa from Seattle
From another straight guy:
Want to let you know I love the recaps. I’m still laughing my head off. Just to bad I wasn’t turned on to them sooner. Friend of mine sent me your Episode 1 recap, and I’m hooked. Can’t wait til next week. Oh yeah, Props to BFF Paul. Way to go bro.
Not that he is as funny as you, but check out Steve at http://www.realitysteve.com. It is pretty funny. Way to go on the new website! Long time fan, first time blogger….
This rocks! I’m so happy that you finally took this to a new level, your writing brightens my day with heart & sarcasm!
This rocks! I am so happy you took this to a new level! Your writing brightens my day with heart and sarcasm!
Lincee - you entertain us all! Your recap makes the regular Tuesday workday even better!! Keep it up!!!
Staight guy number 3 here… Lincee- your recaps keep us watching the show. I do have a couple of comments to make to see what others think-
1)My wife had alot of fun with our TiVo last night and paused Yvonne at the rose ceremony several times….I think that she is a dude……
2)We have also heard rumors that ABC could have planted Sarah S. (Sarah from TN) the rumor states that they were dating before the show started. Maybe ABC wants to guarantee a happy wedding??
3) Is Stephanie from CA actually the Runaway Bride from GA???? Those eyes……
4) What is up with the two from Overland Park, KS???
Seriously…how are you not getting paid for this? It’s like my husband’s uncanny ability to know every one of the most obscure one-hit wonders. I keep thinking there’s got to be a way to make some serious cash off of that skill. I’m also betting a book deal is in your future….
You crack me up and make my Tuesdays! I love watching the girls crash and burn every week. Maybe you should team up with my other favorite writer, Greg (from “He’s Just Not That Into You”), and y’all can write some sort of self-help book….just a thought…
Birmingham, Alabama
My idea of comfort is also my Baylor sweatshirt — had it on last night while watching. I had no idea that you also belonged in the “bubble” at one point! I get your e-mails in Denver and now feel a strange kinship. . .
Lincee, I love the polka dots! I am giving a shower for my BFF and am using a brown background with big “Tiffany” blue polka dots
(the shower info. is in the “dots”)…way cute! Could you get Brad to make them hot pink to match your new helmet??? Just wondering!
I think I had my Texas Tech sweatshirt on!
Lincee, so glad you have a website. My office blocks blogs (party poopers) so I have to wait till after work to get your recap. But it’s SO worth it!! You are just hysterical. We all love you in Birmingham, Alabama!!
Cindy
sarah from canada (student sarah) is very, very high. fo real. that aint baby talk. that is slurred stoner vocab.
Welcome to the web! I look forward to this recap every week! It’s really the only reason I want to watch the show! Thanks Lincee!
Lincee, you’re insane but really, really funny. Jason just left my office raving about this blog. I just read it and love it. Props for the site, and stay out of the Middle East.
John
ps: Great time to come back to LBPR if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Lincee! Kick a$$ blog!
*Alex from Texas*
another loyal fan since Season 2 that you’ve never even met. =)
Lincee - if you don’t get a book deal from having this out there . . . something is wrong with the world. So glad to have you light up my day with your racaps!
Lincee - if you don’t get a book deal out of this . . . the world is going to pot.
Thank you for the recaps! They make my day!
I wondered if anyone else noticed/remembered the gucci tent comment. Come on! Can you honestly believe these girls?!
Your the next Aaron Karo!!! Only the female version! Has anyone else thought the same thing?
Surely someone on this list of 1 mil plus is an agent! We want a book!!
So excited for your new space, loving your recaps more than the actual show!!!!
Shannon
I completely agree with the book deal! Thank god you went online the numeroud death threats I get for taking my time to forward the email on Tuesday mornings is doubling. You saved my life!!!
I thought a Gucci tent was the Ritz or the Four Seasons?
Hilarious as usual…you are more entertaining than the show.
Keep it up!
you’re HILARIOUS! I never read these things but I’m so glad I’m reading yours, LOL!!!!!! BTW, what’s up with the Canadian Sarah and her little cat purrs? Has anyone else noticed this? She’s constantly purring in this whiney little annoying Fran Drescher like way- UGH! DUMP HER! If I wasn’t knocked up and married, I’d be on the plane to Paris to really show D
r. McHottie what he needs!…
All I have to say is………”Gucci tent”? What was that?
LOVING the blog site!
I started watching the Bachelor simply because of your recap on the first episode - Cant wait to tune in next week and see your take on the show
Lincee - I’ve read your recaps on and off since Bachelor Bob I think - not sure - but it’s been a while I do know that.
I don’t know if it would scare you to know that every once and a while I’m at a party and people start talking about the Bachelor(or Bachelorette - either or) and someone will randomly say “Did you ever read the recaps that girl from Texas does?”
You are legendary.
Seriously.
One additional question…you mentioned that you are a fan of the 80’s and roller skates. Dare I ask if you are a fellow fan of one of the best movies ever??? Olivia Newton John on roller skates singing to Gene Kelly. Xanadu!!!
I know there are some other fans out there.
Love those comments…There was a link from ABC’s boards to your page…Glad it was there; ABC should PAY you to write this stuff; very funny.
Here’s my two cents: I am still pondering what a “student” would have to offer a doctor who is looking for a potential long-term relationship. I happen to be a high school teacher, and I have been amazed at how similar my students (16 or 17 yrs old) are to Student Sarah. She’s younger than he is to begin with, 10 years, in fact, and she acts at least 6 years younger than her age.
So that makes her– what? About half his age? LOL…What would make a doctor act like such a buffoon on national TV? Oh, wait! Maybe he’s just trying to outdo Allie!
I must have missed the “Gucci” tent comment…please update me someone…
Racoon tails….LOVE IT. You’re hilarious, Lincee! Keep the recaps coming! It truly is the only reason I still watch the show! This is so entertaining!
As a nurse, I know Dr McHottie’s type. Most Dr’s are looking for the Trophy wife. She can’t be smarter than him, and she must enjoy staying home and nurturing him and his offspring. So, just pick the most beautiful one with the smallest brain and the least amount of personal ambition. As the weeks unfold, we’ll see who that is.
A co-worker sent me your address. I have to say, I have been laughing so hard.
She asked if I read your site and I said, “I really think I could be friends with this girl.” You are too funny and….Could you be more right?
Bless your heart.
You just saved me so much time now on Tuesday mornings! I usually have to forward the email to about 50 people. And believe me, if I don’t get around to it until the afternoon, I hear about it! Keep ‘em coming!!!! Houston, TX
Is it just me or does Canadian Sarah tend to make strange animal noises at times? The first time I thought she was just at a loss for words and decided to let out a lazy meow sound. But I’ve picked up on it since and have figured out it’s part of her vocabulary. It’s a cross between a screech and a sleepy cat meow and it comes out at the most awkward moments. Just wondered if anyone else caught it.
Did anyone notice Yvonne’s ugly glasses and oddly located pigtails towards the end of the show? Was she going for the “Grease Slumber Party Scene ” look or what? I can’t think of the character’s name, but she was the dorky brunette chick, not Rizzo…the other brunette. Back to Yvonne…she need not.
Love this site!! Your blog is more entertaining than the actual show! I will be reading every week! Keep up the hilarious commentary!
Love the recap MORE than the show! Thanks for coming back this season. Looking forward to the laughs from reading your recap again this season. My ‘recap source’ is so glad I won’t be bugging her now about e-mailing me the recap. At-a-boy to the blog-guy! Samantha, Montgomery, AL
Lincee…
I am adding “Find Lincee a book deal” to my list of new years resolutions…you are truly talented and I have no doubt that we will all soon not be able to read your thoughts without shelling out some $! Please keep us all posted if you should have any offers…you MUST figure out a way to get into the live studio audience at the end of the season and give a shout out to all of your followers…it’s so not about The Bachelor - it’s about LINCEE!!
perfection - seriously! major grey’s fan, too!
Lincee,
Your recaps are DA BOMB!
“I’ve written a poem or two in my day. Although I prefer the haiku….” I almost fell off of my couch laughing at that comment.
Way to go sis. I love reading all the love you’re receiving. I’ve always known that you kick a–! By the way, to anonymous that didn’t know the girl’s name in Grease, it’s Jan. She sang the brusha, brusha song. If you’re like me or my sis, then that might have kept you up tonight and we can’t have that–gotta look out for one another!
Lincee
I love the recap. I have been receiving it since Firestone. Keep it up!! Gotta love the BFF for getting you online as I don’t have to wait for the recap to be forwarded.
Audra, Round Rock, TX
I LOVE how you can take my thoughts and put them word for word into your blog! The Bachelor would not be the same without you… and now we can all share commentary? Could life be any better?
Great job, Lincee! So glad I don’t have to wait on my daughter to forward me your recaps anymore. Now, I love Dr. McHottie - best bachelor yet - but his perpensity for calling the women “guys” is driving me crazy! I’ve used this phrase myself in the past, but really try to limit it to real guys. Say what you will about these women, they’re not guys!!
okay…is there anyone ELSE who thinks sarah is “adorable” besides dr. mchottie? she’s seriously going to get on my nerves and i fear she wil be around for a while. i was 23 once too, so i have no problem saying this while rolling my eyes…”SHE’S 23!!!” maybe she should wait ’till she’s a grow-up to chase after 33 Y/O men.
anyway, love lincee. love the blog, love the straight guys on here.
Glad you’re back, Lincee! It’s the very best part of every new season of The Bachelor!
Another straight guy (#4?)
Never watched the show
Never missed a recap
Just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed reading your recap almost as much as hosting the show. Yes this really is that Chris H. My wifes’ cousin in Dallas sent me this site. The only corrections I would make is ABC has nothing to do with the production of the show, and we really don’t have any interns (can’t afford to send them to Paris for 7 weeks). NEXT entertainment does all the producing. Oh we couldn’t find an Olive Garden in Paris so we used another “Italian” joint. Great job and I look forward to next week. Wait one last thing, I like it when the girls all answer back to me in unison its very Charlie’s Angels.
The holding of the hand at the end is what got me… McHottie will be tired of her very soon!
Thanks for joining the Blog world Lincee
No way, Chris “the host”
Congratulations on your blog-I bookmarked it immediately! It’s so nice to have someone put what you are thinking into (their much more clever) words. When I saw what Kristen was going to do with the orange, what did I think?! “Bless her heart.” No kidding!! Someone should send this to that “Watch with Kristen” so she could see what an entertaining review looks like. You are a hoot-keep up the good work!
I’m wondering why the ‘author’ would delete certain comments. Hmmmm… ex boyfriends maybe?
Anyway, I am so happy your recaps found their way back to my computer! I love the new name, Dr. McHottie! Boy is he HOT!
Lincee, Lincee, Lincee…
My girl…whom I don’t know!!!! Greetings from Texas. This is the third season with you (your recap has been forwarded to me also). I look forward to your recap as much as anyone else, but…
I know it’s a stretch, but…
Do you have all of the recaps from day one (back to the Firestone days). I began with the Jen season, so I’d love to read your commentaries of the early years!!!
Hey Chris Harrison! From one of your LHHS fellow grads. We all still crack up when we see you! It’s so surreal! Way to go. We are proud of you!
Is no one else impressed that Chris “the host” reads the blog?
Lincee- Love the recap! I have been reading them since the Firestone days. Can’t wait till next week!!
Could you put all the old recaps from previous shows on the blog? That would be great!!! Entertainment for posterity.
I am not so sure I believe that it’s really Chris who hosts the Best Bachelor Ever that is participating in this wonderful, funny and honest blog…We need proof!
Just to clarify for j-bro…
Comments deleted by author means deleted by the auther of the comment, not the author of the blog.
I’m SO excited that the recaps are on-line! Too FUN!
Lincee- have you heard about feed burner or rss feeds? If you link those to your website - notices will automatically be sent to your “subscribers” when you post a new re-cap. RSS feeds allow them to link you to their homepage like My Yahoo so they can see your new post first thing! Just a thought! What a great idea to post this on a blog! Your fan base is going to be HUGE!!!!
I am obsessed with your bachelor comments and send them to everyone I know! It’s amazing how far these recaps spread - I think I’m a friend of a friend of a friend or something…
I love that you saw the student Sarah hand-holding at the end too - I thought that was so odd. I would have loved to see Dr.McHottie push her away or something…
So excited about the new webpage! LOVE LOVE LOVE the recaps. I have been enjoying them since the andrew and Jen days… Keep up the good work Lincee!
Chris H???? Seriously? I’m not sure I buy it. Did have some good insight. Guess we’ll just have to see what kind of scoop we find out.
I love you Lincee!!!!
You make watching The Bachelor so much more fun. You are soo talented. Keep it up!!!
Yeah! I’m so excited you’re online! I’ve been getting the recaps for a while and it’s pretty much the only reason I watch the show. Makes me laugh out loud. Can’t wait till next week!
I would just like to say that I cringed for Marketing Directors everywhere because of Bubba Teeth Girl. That was sooooo sad. By the way- quiver ryhmes with river and that word at least would have given the poem some punch. Jana~
I am not going to bother to watch the show…your recap is soooo much better. I laughed my butt off reading this!!
lincee, i’m so excited that you are finally online!! and snaps that chris the host is even reading, seriously — how great is that!!! i actually didn’t watch until last night b/c of the golden globes and i couldn’t wait to read your recap. i had to laugh out loud at your “bless her heart” comment regarding kristen b/c i was saying the same thing — poor thing!! anyway, congrats on the new site and thanks bff paul for the way too cute polka dots!!
I love the blog! I have been reading your recaps for a few seasons now and can’t get enough of them. I moved from Austin to Aspen a few months back, so you have a following up here now too…All of the girls at my office love them! Your recaps make the show so much better! Thanks for taking the time to write them!
Yea - we are back in the Lincee loop - I agree on many levels ABC or some one should be paying you for this..
Isn’t the doctor on Grey’s Dr.McDreamy? Although both would work in either case…
And from “a source” in Nashville, it has been rumored that Hot Doc and Sarah the kindergarten teacher were spotted together at a local gym…stayed tuned….
Lincee,
Your recaps are the highlight of my week (don’t know what that says exactly about my week–but I mean to be complimentary). Thanks for making thousands of us laugh with your wit, sarcasm, and random stories. You really do need a paycheck for this and if I were able to find someone to pay you, I would (I’ll work on it).
Cheers! Jessica, Overland Park, KS
Get out that Chris Harrison is a fan…that is awesome! Seriously! I would like to put my vote in for the old recaps to be posted as well…
I get your recaps from a friend of a friend’s friend. I pass the recaps on to literally everyone I know. A few friends of mine in NYC are fowarding it on to friends of theirs overseas.
So glad you are blogging! I have been a reader for several seasons and love your take on things– you wonderfully verbalize what we’re ALL thinking!
Seriously, Chris, the host???
Seriously????????
And, from another Grey’s fan, yes, it is Dr. McDreamy - but Dr. McHottie is original and works for Travis! Seriously!
too funny! your recap is why I go to work Tuesday morning…LL, Houston
L.L.C.R.:
Insanity! To think you started this when we were at the old bldg downtown. Ah yes, the days you used to tell me you were a terrible writer. Still believe that?
I just had Paul check the logs, and as of 11:10 AM (CT), 1/18/06, you had 9,042 different people read this site (in one day) and 13,482 hits! The map shows it is from all over the country.
I hope when we go out to eat Saturday, we don’t get mobbed for autographs with your new found superstar status!
Congrats!
J
i got your link from a friend whose sister is friends with a friend of yours who was in a few good men with kevin bacon. you are a laugh riot! i cannot wait to check out next week’s recap. please keep them coming. and i’m dying to know what the “comment deleted” things said. were they messages from scorned bachelorettes? perhaps the egg queen wrote in whilst taking a break from her $1500 a day job.
I would just like to let you know that not only are these recaps brilliant but you must, in fact, totally read my mind — FANTASTIC, BRAVO — and onto next week….
Lincee,
I have been reading these since you first began with Andrew and I am so glad you finally have a website, thank you Paul! Keep up the great work. Oh, and does anyone know what is going on with the nurse and Charlie O’Connell???
My friends and I are very funny. Aren’t we all who read this beyond belief entertainment? We are positive that if Lincee knew us she would definitely want to be our friend. The makers of Depends undergarments might want to place an ad here. Many who have read the recaps would agree that at times they could have used a pair. Rock on Lincee!
Does anyone else see that granola camping Sarah is a total stoner? He obviously is interested in her because she is outdoorsey, but surely she won’t last.
Anywho, your blog is tha bomb. Looking forward to more!!
G. Lover-
Does anyone else see that granola camping Sarah is a total stoner? He obviously is interested in her because she is outdoorsey, but surely she won’t last.
Anywho, your blog is tha bomb. Looking forward to more!!
G. Lover-
Suggestion: Post pictures of the girls on your website.
Thanks
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! You just make me laugh and I am very happy about the website, even though the inbox was more personal. Very excited to read next week! Keep us laughing!
Go Lincee!! I don’t know you and think you are the best writer there is! Your recaps are the greatest! You have started something great!! Rock on Georgia
Okay! I’m diggin’ it! Excellent recap, but more importantly, where can I get a pink hard hat and steel-toed boots?????
OMG!! Am so proud you have a website and Chris H reads it!! How cool!! I just thought that I was “in” because I got the forward, but SO glad to know so many other people laugh as hard as we do on your recaps! I wouldn’t watch the show otherwise! And…I SERIOUSLY got three texts saying “bless her heart” during that episode! It must be a TX thing! Yea for straight guys with scoop!!
I don’t even watch the show and now, thank dog, I don’t even have to. Thank you ever so much for writing this so that I don’t have to be disgusted and ashamed somewhat of being female for an entire hour and can just enjoy the snarkiness.
Bravo.
Hey Ladies!
I have a very important word for you all that is necessary to know when you’re watching the Bachelor or any other event on television (or in real life) when you’re SO EMBARRASSED for someone that it makes you cringe! It’s called SVEF (like Sven, with an F) It was created abour five years ago and is spreading accross the country like WILDFIRE. I promise that next time you watch The Bachelor you’ll be svefing all over the place. After next week’s episode, count how many times you used the word svef. - Leigh, New Orleans
I LOVE THESE RECAPS! I started reading them because a friend of a friend or friend sent it to me. I didn’t even watch the Kush season but I read the recaps anyway because they were so hilarious. You’ve taken it to another level of ridiculously funny this season!
Lincee-
Ahhh, the commentary of the week… The ONLY reason I continue to watch the show!!! I wish I could be a fly on the wall in your house… you crack me up!
Thanks for another wonderful review of hillarious comedy at the expense of some lonely souls!
Kuddos on the blog!
Brendie
I’m a newcomer to your recaps, so I’m completely addicted. I’m happy that someone else out there catches the crazy stuff like I do… Presto!, there’s a couch on the top of the arch- Amazing! I am also in agreement that Student Sara is going to turn out to be some crazy school girl terrorizing the others… and does anyone else notice that she talks like a high school boy…duuuude liiike letts go geett hiiigh… it’s freaking annoying! Wake up McHottie!
I read online through a “reality spoiler blog” that Sarah B (school girl Sarah) didn’t even graduate from high school and is working on getting her GED now. It also said she doesn’t have a driver’s license and doesn’t know how to drive. Additionally, it said that she is one of the final four and visits her home in Canada. We shall see.
LOL!! This is the most exciting Bachelor recap EVER! Kudos to you and to Paul. I definitely think Stoned Sarah and Hot Susan will be the final two. Love it! SERIOUSLY!
Thanks Chelsea, for letting me know about Lincee and all her friends! Too much fun!
Okay, any thoughts yet, or is it way too soon…
Which reject will ABC select to be the next Bachelorette?
Hey MUMBLER! Congrats on the killer blog!
Lincee,
Thanks for another great recap and congratulations on your blog! I second the idea for a Grey’s Anatomy recap.
I’m about to take it a step further…if Chris H. reads this, I bet there are other participants of the show that read it too. And if it’s really you Chris H., my husband and I crack up every single episode when you demonstrate your extraordinary mathematical computations and deduce that “This is the final rose”. Not hatin’, just communicatin’…:)
Houston, TX
another straight guy (#5?)
for the record, my roomates and I all watch the show and I know several groups of guys who secretly really like it too. we just don’t talk about it as much. I think its hilarious. anyway, new to the recaps through some girlfriends of mine and i love them!!
to answer the references above, as soon as we saw student sarah and she spoke, I immediately said “F’in STONER!” no doubt she is sneaking off between takes and taking rips from her dug-out, but she is our favorite!!
keep the comments coming lincee!!
Glad you are online, Lincee. I always got the message forwarded… it completes my Bachelor watching experience in a very “Jerry Maguire” sort of way. Grin!
So glad you are on the web now! Get ready Canada…Lincee (and the best part about watching the Bachelor) has arrived!
I love that the straight guys are posting on this thing. You all need to go practice your deep throat growls. Notice I said “growl” and not “purr” — leave the kitten noises to O-Canada-Stoner-Student-Sarah.
Seriously,
LLCR
Emily- Austin, TX
This is great! I decided not to watch the show this year since it is always the same and so superficial, but I am still keeping up with everything through you and my mom who is addicted!
OMG…I love your writing skills, website, your new BFF and Jason for putting you in the right hands. I agree with the person who said ‘Depends needs to advertise on this site.’ You are SO Hilarious. I stopped watching the show after Mr. Firestone, because it was embarrassing to watch the woman make fools of themselves. I would hide behind my pillow in embarrassment. Ladies who seek to be on this show…please don’t represent us ladies as desperate reproducing machines. Come on!! Have some respect and dignity!!! Thanks Lincee you’ve made my day! Houston TX
Straight Guy (#6) This is so entertaining. My roommates and I have used to watch since the first one, but secretly didnt tell anyone!! Its like a secret society of bachelor watchin’ str8 dudes!!! I knew there were more of us out there!! Loved this and laughed outload several times, I am sure people in the cubes around me are wondering what is going on!! Thanks keep it up!
A friend of a friend of a friend turned me on to your blog. Absolutely Love it…I will be a frequent guest. You go girl. I’m glad I am Not the only one that wants to throw up or stab myself when the girls are annoying and not to mention I too get embarrassed for them. Seriously…use it… love it.
Lincee,
I am so totally stoked..seriously, that you have a website! I look forward to the blogs as much as I do the show! Can’t wait until next week!
-Houston, TX
Thanks so much for sending this out! I would get bombarded on Tuesday mornings from all the teachers asking for the update! This really helps! You crack me up…keep it up!
holy sweet jeans Lincee…this is awesome! I thought my recap email supplier was holding out on me….wonderin what happened and since I’m on the road, I didn’t get to see either episode. Now I’ve got my fix and can keep on smokin! This is some funny sh*t…THANKS!!
Dude-nice call on putting up a blog. Now I can linky to you from mine and we can all share in the Bachelor madness. Rock on 80’s queen!
this is my third season of lincee’s humor….glad to see you still have it! Your blog is DEFINITELY better than the show. “seriously”.
shannon, kalamazoo, MI
love the comments…first time reader here and really appreciative that my friend sent me your blog. but quick, comment…as a scrutinizing observant of the show dont you think that student sarah has been pretty much hammered/high every time she interacts with dr.mchottie?!? if he keeps loving on her, i’m totally going to lose respect for him…and will probably be all the more entertained by the show!
Ok, last week’s recap was sent via friend of a friend of a friend and I couldn’t stop laughing as I read it. I called and told my friend she MUST forward all future updates. So, long way to say, I’m thrilled you have a blog! Congrats! I’ve never actually watched The Bachelor, and thought I might start after that last missive, but I’m afraid it will pale in comparison. Keep up the great work!
Thanks for the humorous break in my day. I have been reading your recaps for most of the seasons you have been writing them. They are so much fun to read. Thanks for a good break from work!
Thanks for the fun! I am a long time reader of your recaps! It is a nice break from work every week.
My twin sis lives in Nashville and took a spin class w/the hot doc bachelor along with the Nashville gal on the show. We’ll see if there is something there…you never know!!!!!
Lincee — who is your favorite bachelor and bachelorette? i’m so curious! love the blog!
I have been a long time fan and just couldn’t leave the site without giving you an “atta girl”. Love the blog! You have such an incredible talent to put your sense of humor into words. Laugh out loud funny! REALLY need to work on a book deal! Grey’s Anatomy recap would rock - SERIOUSLY!
Loving you in Round Rock, Texas!
I have to agree with Melissa from Fl.
Your hysterical Lincee…..I’m sending your link to the Ellen show.
I found out about your Bachelor recaps through a friend. I’m glad you’ve started posting them on a blog, they’re so funny! Keep up the good work!
Lincee - How wonderful for you!! Congratulations on your blog. I don’t watch the show, but wouldn’t miss a week of your recap. And I think all things 80’s are totally cool, too!
I don’t even watch the show, I just read your comentary and I get my fill. The cheesyness embarasses me to goosebumps! Do you write any other syndicated articles? I would be a fan, SERIOUSLY…..
CLASSIC! Thanks for making my laugh, I too prefer to read your comments over watching the show. Cheers to you Lincee…you rock!
I’ve been reading your recap for several seasons and have always enjoyed them. But between the Jungle Cruise comments, the Baylor sweatshirt and your friend Jill I suddenly put it all together. We were in the same sorority at BU and I still laugh out loud and picture you and Jill doing your best ABBA when I hear “Dancing Queen.”
I love your recaps. I am so glad you pin-pointed the animal print on the blanket. It was stumping me. I was really wondering how it stayed dry from all of the rain. I figured the ABC intern was holding up a tarp over Dr. McHottie.
I always look forward to a new season of the Bachelor just so I can get an update.
I am a big fan! Thanks Lincee and BFF Paul.
Lincee,
Reader from seasons past. Love the comments! I especially enjoy it when you include the famdamily.
We at work discuss the show, often during commercials via phone. We have named Student Sarah “Bohemian Sarah” as she looks like a dope smokin, berkinstock wearin flower child that given the choice would not shave for weeks! Our guess is that Red Head Tara and Bohemian Sarah are hitting it together….doesn’t anyone agree! No one has eyes with slits that small without a drug of choice.
Look forward to next week! BFF Paul Rules!
Just got your blog from a friend of a friend of yours?? At any rate let me say you absolutely are on mark. Seriously.
Toooo funny.
Lincee,
We love your comments, you are the best, you rock and are right on!!!
Don’t hold back, we want your truthfull and raw thoughts. It is our ritual every Monday night with our bottle of Asti, waiting patiently for your recap.
You go girl, look at all the happieness you are spreading.
I emailed the Ellen show and told them to check out your blog…..you need to be a guest. The producers at the Bachelor should be down on their hands and knees thanking you……if it wasnt for you and your HYSTERICAL recaps, everyone would have stopped watching after the pathetic Jen season.
Your awesome………
You go girl…..the producers at The Bachelor should be down on their knees thanking you for their success…..if it wasnt for you and your HYSTERICAL recaps, I think we all would have stopped watching after the pathetic Jen season. I sent an email to the Ellen show…….she has got to have you on as a guest.
By the by has anyone heard updates on Charlie and cute little Sarah….Host Chris, maybe you could fill us in.
Lincee–
Your blog looks great! I enjoy reading your recaps and “WTF?” moments of The Bachelor.
ABC really picked a good one this season! I guess they had to make up for last season’s “Kush”-bag.
Keep up the good work!
The word on the street is Nashville wins and they had met before.
Okay friends enjoy the show tonight. Alot of good old meltdowns in hour 1. We show Crazy Christi from season 2, Amber and Andrew, and the girl who felt up Jesse P. (can’t remember her name, and of course more Alli and Kristin from this season.
Because of Emily’s and Jake hitting the bench we have been given 2 more 2 hour episodes including the finale. Also ABC just officially ordered the Women Tell All reunion show that will air Feb 13th. How could we not do that show this year? I’ll need 3 hours to deal with these women.
One last thing, Charlie and Nurse Sara are still together. I hear she’s now working here in LA. Happy Bachelor watching, enjoy the meltdown (hint) after tonights rose ceremony and I’ll be reading the update like the rest of you tomorrow.
How cool is that??? Seriously! I am sure that host Chris will help make it the “most dramatic rose ceremony ever!”
Ok - so that fact that Teacher Sarah and the Bachelor have been seen together doesn’t mean she wins… if anything, I think that makes it clear that she does not win. Rumor is that tonight he takes both Sarah’s on a camping trip and has to send one home that night. Since news crews have been seen at Student Sara’s house… I think she makes it to the hometown visits which means Teacher Sarah goes home tonight. Thoughts???
I am pretty sure that Sarah (TN) and Sarah (Canada) do not go camping together. Sarah (TN) is on the group date on the yacht. Sarah (Canada) and Jennifer go on the camping date, and Jennifer then goes home.
KB
I don’t know what to be more excited about -
“Chris H - your host’s” spoilers about the various meltdowns tonight or the fact that he referred to a former contestant as “the girl who felt up Jesse P.”
LOL!
I am SERIOUSLY upset that I can’t see this season’s show. Now that HOST CHRIS is in on the festivities, I’m really wanting my hubby to get TIVO. SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!
Lincee, thanks for doing this. It makes blah Tuesdays worth coming in to work. Can’t wait to hear about the French Pier 1 the ABC intern found out there. I wonder if she ran into Frenchie.. what was his name? Febreeze?
You have me cracking up laughing out loud more than the show does! I wish the girls could see how they really acted BEFORE it went on the air, esp. “my time clock is ticking away!” Honestly, who would say that on a first date….no wonder she is still alone. Keep up the great work Lincee…I can’t wait for the recaps! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!!!
I am in the middle of watching and just had to share my “nonononononono” totally embarassed for THEM moment… travis please please please do not dance like that ever again! AND does red head tara always sound hammered to anyone else? just wondering. My prediction - she doesn’t make it past tonight.
Ummmm… maybe I missed it but where was the meltdown after the rose ceremony that Chris mentioned?
Love the blog! Wow - did anyone else catch the major tongue Sara slipped him?! I can’t stand her whiny purring!
Lincee,
You are tooooo funny! Would love to sit next to you during one of these stupid episodes, you are much funnier!!!! Maybe you should write for the show!
Okay, one question, do they get to keep their “Lillian Vernon” monogrammed bags?? Also, what is Jehan’s big secret???
OHMYGOSH….of course I laughed when you mentioned a baylor sweatshirt, of course your from the south!!!! Only southern girls use the “bless her heart” phrase. I absolutely adore this, feels like I’m reading a really good chick book. Great job girl, keep up the good work!! Kishli, Dallas, TX.
Alright, I found your blog because I was trying to explain how impressive “Hot Susan” was to a friend who hadn’t seen the show. Only one choice for Travis, that’s for sure. Other girls are trying to submarine her for wanting to be an actress? So what! He’s The Bachelor, for crissakes. He probably wants to be a TV Doctor. Heck, ABC’s Dr. Tim Johnson should be retiring soon. What better replacement for the network? Anyway, Hot Susan is the one. Beautiful midwestern girl from Overland Park, KS who isn’t catty and seems quite intelligent. Don’t mess it up Dr. McH.
Yes, I’m a straight guy who watches The Bachelor. Ashamed? Not at all. Lots of things to be learned by watching the circus.
tick, tick, tick…we’re waiting….:)
Does anyone else think Susan looks like the girl from America’s Next Top Model. The beauty pagent one who wouldn’t get her hair cut. It’s uncanny…
Can’t wait for the new post! You are so unbelievably funny - you totally need a book deal!
great post! i’m the same as you in that sometimes i really have to close my eyes during the really embarassing moments.
the bubba teeth incident was too much for me!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE that Chris “The Host” is posting! And to hear that he has a wife! (Chris, if you are reading the latest gossip is that you are dating someone from the production team on Survivor….glad to put those rumors to rest!)
So it is already Tuesday, and Lincee is late. WHEN WILL THE POSTING BE UP? This honestly is what my morning revolves around, so let’s get this going!
Oh, and yes…..Lincee….I have decided that we would definitely be friends if you lived in Birmingham. In fact, there is a big group of us girls that all watch together, so if you are in town just bring yourself and your favorite bottle of wine….you are more than welcome…
Brooke, Birmingham, Alabama
Ps - Have you gotten in touch with Greg Behrendt yet? If not, hopefully Katie Couric will read this and pull some strings…I am still all for y’all teaming up to write a self-help book…
You are awesome! I have not watched since the Bachlorette w/ Jen! Your recaps make it so worth it!
My vote is for Susan!
Can’t wait to read this weeks recap!
Tara from VA, I totally agree! I even had to go onto the ANTM website to make sure that wasn’t her. That was Cassandra from TX. Uncanny similarity.
Lincee, L.O.V.E. the blog!
Oh Lincee, I always knew you’d make it big someday! And I can say I was one of your first 1000 readers!
I still have all the recaps starting with the Centrum Silver Episodes!!!!Love them all!
You even have a fan in Canada, a fellow Texan (Hi Danielle) that moved to Canada watches the Bachelor just so she can read the recaps!
Oh, for the record, my final pics are Susan and Sara Canada.
Thanks for all the laughs, it wouldn’t be the “The Bachelor” with out the Bachelor Recaps!
Amye S.
we can’t wait. tick, tick is right! it reminds me of the the episode on friends when monica tried to be nice and put candy out for her neighbors, then they got nasty with her when she didn’t make the candy fast enough!! lincee your blog words are like little drops of heaven just like monica’s candy. please hurry.
Yay for the new site! And it is so pretty! Thanks new BFF for hooking Lincee and all of us up! No more forwards and forwarding just copy and pasting the link to all and everyone! Fun!
Lincee, here is my big board
let me know what you think
Matthew’s bachelor big board odds:
the quest for diamond jaw mchottie
1.Susan ‘hottie’, 1/1
2.Sarah S ‘nashville’, 6/4
3.Tara ‘boozer’, 7/4
4.Sarah B ‘oh canada’, 2/1
5.Moana ‘poser’, 10/1
6.Jehan ‘the sleeper’, 8/1
Odds explained
1.this is susan’s game to loose, the only knock on her is that perhaps she is TOO hot. I heard somewhere that the average guy thinks about sex every 7 seconds…but with susan in the room,it must be a non-stop loop of invasive thoughts for mchottie.
2.Sarah S. is the only real wife of the group. i originally had her as number three but, when i saw that she could put her fist in her mouth that put her over the top.
3.Tara too immature. has anyone else noticed that she always has a drink in her hand? Trust me I dated a girl just like her, she is super hot but she is a car wreck just waiting to happen. First sign that car wreck is imminent would be the ‘i can’t share you with other girls ‘ comment.
4.Sarah b. what to say about sarah?
she is super cute but, I think she has fallen too hard and too early for mchottie.
5.Moana she is an intriguing choice. but abc has already left her out to dry with the bad girl image. the winner is never left out to dry.
6.Jehan is my sleeper in this group. My sources tell me that her big secret is that she was married once. At 10/1 odds she is a value bet right now but, perhaps as early as next week she could jump into the top 3.
later,
Matthew
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Allison, Costa Rica - I really have never watched the bachelor. but after reading the blog that my niece gave me and crying the whole time, I’m hooked.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who talks to the people on TV. My husband makes fun of me, but he does the same thing while watching football….”but, that’s not the same thing!” ¿Que?
Lincee,
You MUST go on Oprah w/these comments. You rock. And, I bet you would never get spanked on Larry King for fabricating everything and lying to the Big O.
Did you pick the ads at the top of the page? Christian Bales and dentistry– Perfection!
Otherwise… very creepy
OK seriously I think that chick “Jehan” or however-you-spell it sounds like Jihad (Islamic religous war against the infidels) and what a horrible name to have, that is unless of course you live in an Islamic Republic…. no thanks!
i was in your pledge class at baylor…i love your blog!
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