So there I was on my way to Long Beach to begin another rig tour in California. Very much looking forward to enjoying the nice warm weather and taking a long wog (walk/jog) on the beach.
We land and it’s 57 degrees. Guess who didn’t bring a jacket?
I head out to my hotel pool to write this recap and there are two girls sunbathing. In this weather. I, in my cargo pants and long-sleeved t-shirt decide to join them, hoping that the sun will warm my chilly bones. I’m typing along in my own world when I hear a big splash. Followed by another. I look up to find the bathing beauties exercising in the pool doing some weird jumping up and down thing.
I figure they must be from North Dakota here on vacation. I’m sure 57 is blistering hot to these ladies.
On with the show…
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Spring Oreos or have a Jazzercise instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
There’s my boy! Our host Chris Harrison. Love him. He is greeted with a shriek of excitement when he tells our lovely Bachelorettes that there is one group date, in which a lucky girl will get a rose, and then two one-on-one dates where Matty has to make the decision to send a girl packing or give her another shot at British love. Amanda is asked to read the contents of the first box.
First One-on-One
Holly
A private premiere
Holly is the cute children’s book author with short blonde hair that reminds you of someone that you can’t put your finger on. (I’m thinking Baby Spice ten years ago?) She is confident in the chemistry that she has with Matty and is looking forward to getting to know him on an intimate level.
Matty tells her they will be attending a private premiere of the soon-to-be-released romantic comedy “Made of Honor” starring Gray’s Anatomy’s own Patrick Dempsey. They whiz down Hollywood Boulevard to a “red carpet event.”
Here’s where it gets lame.
They arrive at Mann’s Chinese Theater, making a dramatic exit from the limo. Photographers go nuts snapping pictures, but secretly wonder who is this mysterious Brit and why does ABC want his picture taken? Is he royalty? Must be since the producer slipped each member of the paparazzi a 5o dollar bill to show enthusiasm as if this were a real red carpet that actual people attended. And how did they get the Access Hollywood chick to interview the pair?
My guess is that the premiere was probably in an hour and ABC was allowed to shoot some footage. They decided to take advantage of the free publicity. Mann’s threw them a bone and let the couple put their hands in wet cement for some more fake photography. The ABC intern then pushed them head first back into the limo and they gave up their front row spot for some real entertainment. They probably visited a few LA hot spots and then returned to Mann’s for their private screening.
Lots of footage from “Made of Honor.” Someone at ABC is definitely married to someone at Sony Pictures. They eat popcorn, laugh in all the right places and Holly even sheds a few tears. She believes in the fairy tale romance and Matty finds this endearing. Holly says Matt is the most charming man she has ever met.
Matty takes Holly to a hotel where they have a roof-top view of Hollywood Boulevard. He steers her over to a wicker couch with fluffy pillows and fleece blankets and asks her about her career. Holly talks about how she writes books for the kids she used to babysit. Matty, for some reason, chooses this moment to thank her for being so cool and extremely attractive.
Later at dinner, Matty asks Holly if he is what she is looking for in a man. Holly straightens her back, looks him dead in the eye, removes the lollipop from her mouth and answers, “Absolutely.”
Matty’s response? “My concern is that we are too comfortable in a way. I want to make sure there is enough electricity.”
MAYDAY MAYDAY HOLLY! BEWARE OF THE “SISTER” CARD! TREAD LIGHTLY!
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Shayne has discovered the Hollywood handprint square at the front door. She gives one of her best high pitched shrills for the other girls to join her as they decipher the mysterious code.
“Matt hearts Holly. Holly loves Matt. Who do you think wrote that? What does it mean?”
Oh Shayne.
They call Holly a beyotch and I was half expecting them to hoist it over their heads and break the thing. Now that would have been good TV.
Back at the penthouse, HOT TUB TIME! Yes! Are those bubbles I see? Go ABC intern! Way to mix it up and keep us on our hot tub toes! This is about as interesting as the time you forgot to turn on the jets with Firestone and Jenn. (Still the best hot tub moment EVER.)
Matty is literally making Holly sweat about the rose. She’s getting nervous that there is no electricity. It’s time to dive in tongue first. Did anyone else notice the dripping noise during the make out session? Was it just me? It’s been about five minutes and Matty decides to let her off the hook and fork over the flower. She accepts and he pulls her to him across the tub. I found this extremely attractive. Is this too much information? To quote Shayne, “Whatever.”
We then have another five minute tight shot of the rose. Ironically, it was between the two and the camera man had no choice but to hold still on Holly’s boob (where the rose was resting) for a good 30 seconds. Not caring about her boob, I notice the sweet diamond heart earrings she’s wearing.
Anyone else loving Holly?
Group Date
Rugby
Christine
Amanda
Chelsea
Hot Dog Erin
Noelle
Robin
Marsh
Kelly
Ashley
Amy
I have to hand it to him. The ABC intern was busy preparing for tonight’s episode people. Not only was he in charge of a fake red carpet premiere and bubbles for the hot tub, but he had to track down the nearest Academy Sports and Outdoors store in order to score ten pairs of black Jerzees shorts from the junior high cheerleading section. And where did he find striped knee socks? Brilliant.
Matty is interested to see who puts the most effort into learning the sport that is important to him. Who cares if they have to pick their shorts out of their cracks every five seconds? Or have to use their hands to cover their cheeks when bending over during the random gym teacher’s calisthenics warm-up? It’s just part of the beautiful game of rugby. Get used to it.
Low and behold, we find out that Robin blew him away. Matty thinks she picked it up quickly, gave it her all and admits that he finds that hot.
WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS RECAP FOR OUR FIRST “WHAT THE CRAP” MOMENT IN THIS SEASON’S BACHELOR…
Picture it…Holly lounging on her bed reminiscing about Matty and Shayne on her bed complaining that she can’t go to a tanning bed to prepare for her date with the Bachelor.
Shayne: “I’m so white. I can’t believe I can’t tan.”
Holly: “I brought my spray tan machine with me.”
Lincee: “What the crap?”
Shayne: “Shut up! You do not have a spray tan machine with you.”
Holly: “I do. I just don’t want everyone using it.”
Lincee: “What the CRAP?”
Shayne (doing a happy dance): “I’m gonna tan! I’m gonna tan! I’m gonna tan!”
Lincee: “WHAT THE CRAP?”
We next witness Shayne standing in the bathtub, a big black box conveniently editing her naughty parts, as she stands spread legged while Holly meticulously sprays the tan back and forth and back and forth and back and forth in even tones.
What. The. Crap.
THIS “WHAT THE CRAP” MOMENT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY SONY PICTURES’ “MADE OF HONOR” STARRING ABC’S GOLDEN BOY PATRICK DEMPSY.
Back at the rugby game, Matty has nominated Kelly and Marshana as team captains. Poor Picker Ashley is picked last. She sulks a bit and writes the beginning of a sad song in her head. If only she can get the Bachelor alone to sing it to him…
BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT:
Chelsea: “If you wear fake eyelashes to a rugby game, you deserve to be picked last.”
Chelsea knocks Ashley down with full force. Fierce!
Someone knocks Marsh down accidentally. Whoa!
And…no one goes to check on her because they think she is being dramatic. Ouch.
We find her running off landing on her hands and knees about 50 feet from the rugby game. She has a busted lip and refuses to wipe the blood away before the other girls and Matt can see. Nice.
Matty decides that it’s time to get these girls out of their short shorts and into something more comfortable…their swim suits. He hoists Marshana up off the ground and helps her over to the group. He announces that Kelly’s team has won and that they are all invited to his house for an after party. Marshana is hanging on to him for dear life.
The girls go on and on about how his house is amazing. Robin fantasizes about being in his bed with him. Marshana thinks that Matty is so thoughtful for arranging to have masseurs for them after a hard hitting day.
The girls change into their bikinis, cocktails in hand, and head to the hot tub. They all squish in, waiting for Matty to join them. We see a flash of white behind their heads and hear a big splash…Matty has cannonballed into the pool.
Oh Matty.
After a quick dip in the hot tub with the girls, Matty invites Kelly to have a joint massage with him. Let the sexual innuendos fly! “I like it hard. I like laying down next to you. Do you like it hard?”
Classy chick.
Next thing we know, Kelly is beside Matty’s massage bed fondling his arm. Then she’s on his back massaging his neck making moaning noises. Then she’s standing on the bed, showing us her chop stick legs. Can we get this girl a sandwich? I can’t decide from Matty’s facial expression if he found this erotic or just plain weird. She later shares with the other girls that she was trying to figure out where he was ticklish.
Okay.
On to Robin. Let’s face it…she’s got a little crazy tendencies in her, but she does know how to play the game. She finds Matty and asks him to join her in the hot tub. She tells him she’s not in to doing stupid things to get his attention. He thinks that she is down-to-earth and he likes how she gets her hands dirty. He then pulls her to him (again…I’m attracted) and they make out.
Poor Amanda feels like Matty has an idea in his head that she’s boring and reserved. They go to the fire pit and talk about how they are comfortable around each other and then begin an interesting conversation about music they like. I believe my heart skipped a beat when Matty mentioned George Michael.
They were right in the middle of a gripping conversation about “Father Figure” when Old Soul Noelle and Mute Christine approach the fire pit area and sit down. Matty and Amanda smile politely. Awkward silence. Noelle and Christine have no game. They don’t even try to join in the conversation. So Mandy and Matty face each other and continue their great debate.
Matty later gives the date rose to an amazing person who he’s had an amazing evening with and who has amazing moves on rugby field…the amazing Robin. She’s simply amazing.
Chelsea doesn’t think she deserved the rose and curses at the camera. Kelly says she would never date Robin even if she was a dude, swigs straight out of the tequila bottle and belches in the camera.
One-on-One Date Two
Shayne
Wine Tasting
Holly and Shayne find her date box on the front stoop. For some reason Holly goes to the box. I found that confusing until she said, “The envelope says it’s for Holly. I’m just kidding!”
Isn’t Holly a hoot?
Matty tells the camera that he is going on a hot date in a hot car with a hot girl. He reminds us that there is a rose up and he must decide if he is sending her home.
Shayne: “Could you imagine if he sends me home? I would die.”
Lincee: “Nice fedora Shayne.”
All the girls come out and watch them drive off in the car. Shayne leans over, grabs his arm, adjusts the hat, blots the lipstick and finds her best baby voice when Matty announces they are going to a wine tasting.
Shayne: “Matt! That’s AMAZING. A wine estate…really?”
Matt admits that he is in to Shayne, but has some big concerns regarding her tantrums and character clashes. (Love the description.) He tells her he is fascinated by her career and intrigued by her parents.
Shayne: “Why?”
Matty: “Because family is important. You are very mysterious when it comes to your family.”
Shayne: “It’s not like you would know who my dad is…whatever. I mean he’s Lorenzo Lamas and was on a show called Renegade. It’s no big deal really. He’s an actor. My grandfather was an actor. I’m an actor. It’s just a job. An actor’s family doesn’t mean anything, but that’s normal. I mean, who cares, right? I’m looking for love. I moved out when I was 17. I’m more mature than most 22-year-olds. My first job was when I was three. I was an extra on a Tropicana orange juice commercial. The director said I was the next big thing but that’s not what we are talking about. We’re here for you. And what you think about you. You and me. Me. What do you think about me?”
Matty: “When do you see yourself getting married?”
Shayne: “Marriage is huge! I mean, I’m not ready to get married tomorrow…I just want to …I mean…I am ready NOW.”
Cut to Matty and Shayne walking to a big fluffy pile of down comforters and pillows in front of a fireplace. Shayne musters up her best baby voice and whines about how wonderful the surprise is and how she loves it!
Matty says that Shayne is the epitome of an LA sex kitten and that she goes hand-in-hand with high drama. Therefore, he must ask her an important question:
Matty: “Would you say you were high maintenance?”
Shayne: “I…I…I…I…I …I would say…that…I…am.”
The pair laugh and high five each other.
Matty: “How many pairs of shoes do you have?”
Shayne: “Right now I have a suitcase full of shoes. Look…here are five of the most important things in life…cars, shoes, hand bags, sunglasses and watches…if you have those on, doesn’t matter what you are wearing on your body.”
Matty claims that Shayne is one sandwich short of a picnic and the best thing since slide bread. He loves her glam side but likes the vulnerable side too. They talk about getting to know each other with time and he reminds her that she might be going home if he doesn’t give her the rose.
Poor Shayne admits that she has forgotten about the rose until then. She remembers she sall it when she came in, but then forgot. It is so weird that she sall it and then didn’t remember salling it. Because that’s the whole reason she is there. To get the rose. You’d think that since she sall the rose, it would be all she could remember.
Somehow, Matty sneaks the rose from the other room. Shayne didn’t sall it at all and gets excited when she does sall it and is happy that she’s not going home. Because she would die. Just die. Matty says that she makes him feel like a 16-year-old boy.
Back at the ladies’ mansion, we have a pitiful bless her heart moment. Robin is on a roll telling everyone about how Matty loves being with her and how he’s asked her to stick around. Amanda, our chronic hiccups girl, starts meeping uncontrollably. We know she meeps when she is nervous and anxious. She’s trying to play it cool, but it’s not working. Bless her heart.
Rose Ceremony
Matty enters the room and Kelly runs up and gives him a kiss.
Kristine actually talks to the camera. Who knew?
Chelsea shows the ladies off and tells Matt that she falls asleep and wakes up thinking of him. They make out and Matty says that she is a great kisser.
Noelle is concerned that she is not a front runner and wonders if she is in this for the right reasons. Robin suggests she should reject it if he gives her a rose.
Poor blonde girl whose name I have forgotten and don’t feel like looking up is blabbering about camping and canoes when Robin steals him away. Blonde girl is upset and complains to Shayne and Kelly. Robin already has a rose and there must be justice! The trio go to steal Matty back.
Then everyone gangs up on Robin. Chelsea threatens to slap her. Robin’s eyes flash a little crazy as she asks the camera, “As if we are NOT going to steal Matt from each other? Are they serious?”
While all the drama unfolds in the kitchen, Holly cries to the Bachelor. She is in love and it’s hard to see him with other women. She misses him and they kiss by the fountain standing on their Hollywood square.
Nine roses for are handed out to the remaining 12 women:
Amanda
Picker Ashley
Kelly
Chelsea
Noelle
Marsh
Not that I’m invested in any of these women yet, but there is one thing that I’m a little sad about. I think what America really wants to know the background story on Hot Dog Erin. Does she work at a large venue stadium? A stand on 54th and Broadway? My friend Jill noted that it could be a state fair. Will we ever know?
I’ve decided to make a request of Our Host Chris Harrison. For the love of all Bachelor viewers…we have spoken…we need to know Hot Dog Erin’s career path. You’ve got to go there during Women Tell All. We beg you!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
I thought that it was ironic that the girl with the biggest lips flappin’ in the breeze got a bloody lip (major facial trauma there) and then used it as an excuse to velcro herself to Matty’s hip. Priceless.
I also loved it when Shayne said “Wine? I love wine!” Hilarious!
Must…. see…. Made of Honor…… will laugh….. and have good time…..
Plus:
I really missed watching with my Carrie.
Brilliant recap. I haven’t watched yesterday’s show yet but I hope you never stop recapping it – you are so frickin hysterical. I know everyone says that but you really are laugh out loud, snort milk out of your nose funny. You should get your own stand up show.
PS – Not ashamed guy: who is Carrie?
LOVE the sall comment! Laughed over and over about that one! I think you should be the next Bachelorette?? Any thoughts!! I will write for you!!!
I’m dead serious! I won’t be as funny as you, but I’ll give it a shot!! Have been reading since the ‘ol email days! Pretty sure you are friends with my cousin.
Thanks Lincee for all the laughs! Yes, one fallacy about California is that its always warm..
Holly totally reminds me of Anna Farris from Scary Movie and Entourage.
Great recap as usual! I did forget to mention how lame Marshana’s acting was on the rugby field, she needs lessons from Shayne.
Side note- speaking of silver lame’- did anyone see American Idol tonight with Dolly Parton? She was wearing a silver lame’ dress? Did I not get the memo that lame’ was back? WTH?
Love love love your take on this car crash of a show.. What the heck – mute girl? Shayne – ugh Paris Hilton wannabe- Robin-a psycho- Im liking holly and indeed – baby spice of ten years ago. Thanks for making a funny show all the more hilarious! As far as our Bachelor…. Kind of a good but love George Michael so there may be hope! Write on!
Holly reminds me of an early (My best friend’s wedding) Cameron Diaz….
Brit-Boy-Toy says Shayne makes him feel like a 16 year old boy – that must mean…clueless, confused and horny….
Can someone tell me why he is keeping all the young ones??? If he really wants to settle down? I must admit Shayne’s fashion taste is really something. She couldn’t walk down the stone path in those boots, and she had so many other pairs to choose from. I’m just saying….
I think Shayne deserves some kind of prize for not breaking an ankle while wearing those boots and walking down the stone path. Can’t see why he keeps her around if he’s really interested in settling down. (well, I see why he keeps her around, but you know what I mean)
“I sall it…….” Hilarious!
Hot Dog Erin is from Venice, I believe. She probably has a cart or some such thing down at Venice Beach…Lincee, did you sall it while here in CA??
Okay, did no one hear what Matt said to Marshana at the Rose Ceremony? — after he asked if she will accept the rose, he says “take it, girl”. I rewound it four times and laughed so hard I choked.
favorite line:
somebody give that girl a sandwich!!!
ah!!
Does anyone else think Kelly must be Courtney Love’s little sister? I feel like I know who she is and I don’t know her at all. She is so that girl who spits on you and close talks when they have too much to drink.
I personally think Hot Dog Erin is an entrepreneur and owns her own cart! She seems independent like that!
Holly reminds me of a Laugh-In era Goldie Hawn!!
I am glad I am not the only one that picked up on Shayne’s pronunciation of “saw”.
Thanks for the great recap.
When Matt and Shayne were in the love pit, melting into a smooch, and #1 camera man panned the area of her tan legs, between the top of thnose naughty girl boots and the bottom of that short black dress, my husband made a groaning noise! I was so sorry to sall Weiner Girl go. I thought she was gorgeous. Yes! On the “Tell All” show, hopefully we can find out more about that career choice, as well as where we can purchase Marshana’s designs.
I think Holly is my favorite too. Just for giggles, she should have spray tanned her initials on Shayne. Or accidentally turned it on high orange for her face but no, she is too nice. Could you imagine that thing in Kelly’s hands? Whew!
And about those boots on the rocks – I was just waiting for Shayne to trip and fall. I know that’s mean but…And Robin – I’m sorry but U to the G to the H! UGH!!! Chelsea might just knock her out. Or Marshana. THAT would be the Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Evar if one of those girls tripped Robin on the way to get her rose. But I guess this is ABC not MTV or VH1 so I’m sure they have some rules about that???
Great recap Lincee. Thanks for making The Bachelor more fun to watch.
Great recap again! I am so sad that I missed the “sall”, I must’ve been hypnotized by the hot pink blush and the horrible boots. I thought it was funny that Matty said something about it being nice just being able to walk with Shayne even though she could barely walk in those tackety tack tacky boots!
This is the funniest recap yet this season.Thanks Lincee for starting my day out with lots of laughs. I think Holly is adorable and who she really reminds me of is Sarah B. (the one Charlie picked). I also think Amanda seems really down to earth and nice. Robin and Marshana are both exhibiting signs that they can be volatile, moody, and difficult. Does anyone know if Sarah and Charlie are still together. I noticed they weren’t a part of the reunion Bach show a few weeks ago.
Lincee!! I HEART your blog.
I also HEART MATTY and HOLLY.
(I do not heart shayne) And I must say that I think I gave an audible “rawr!!” when our sweet bachey pulled sweet Holly ‘cross da tub into his arms… le sigh…
And @ Brandi “U to the G to the H!” prolly da most clever and hilarious thing evah.
HOOORAZ for next week!!
I do like Holly, but did anyone notice her dragging (bang! bang! bang!) her suitcase down the stairs. My guess is, that house is rented during shooting from some gazillionaire, and it ain’t cheap. A little respect, ladies. Not sure any of them eat, so she may not have had the strength to pick it up…bless her heart.
And how many times did Matt say “I missed you today”…all to different women? Ummmm…I like Matt, but some of my little internal “player” sirens went off when the “sensitive” words kept rolling out..over and over and over again. Prove me wrong, Matty! Prove me wrong!
Okay…seriously…does Sir Matthew not realize that Shayne is…um…ACTING! Hello, this is totally a rung in her acting career ladder…albeit…not the best one I can think of, but a rung nonetheless. Does Sir Matthew really think that Miss Lamas is going to be happy living in London as the wife of a banker? I think not. Unless the reserved, British demeanor is hiding a true player, player. Sad to think that it could be true, but he does have a few signs of this as others have mentioned.
Does anyone else just melt when he walks? There is something about the way he walks.
Thanks for the great recap Lincee. I heart you as always.
You know, reading Lincee’s comment about Shayne’s shrill scream at the front door, I’ve realized that all of those high-pitched screams have several different meanings, like a different language of sorts… kinda like watching Meercat Manor on the Animal Channel.
I’m thoroughly surprised no one has choked back laughter at the outtakes after next week’s previews, when two of the girls were ransacking Shayne’s suitcase of shoes and trying them all on. That was classic outtake at it’s finest.
I must have missed Shayne and the whole “salling” because i was closely watching her wine/champagne glasses which i noticed she spilled twice–first time was on the comforter/pillows on the floor when Matty was bringing her the rose–she totally jerked around and the wine in the glass jumps out and onto her, but the sight of the rose makes her forget. Then when they are toasting i think w/ champagne glasses she spills again. Her drunk self doesn’t seem that different from her normal self so it was hard to tell but i think she was completely sloshed.
I LOLed when I read “I figure they must be from North Dakota here on vacation. I’m sure 57 is blistering hot to these ladies.”
Ironically, I’m from North Dakota and leaving for California tomorrow for vacay…I’ll be one of those hoping into the pool at 57 degrees. Love the blog…been around since the email days!
Every year I say, “no more Bachelor,” then I read one of Lincee’s recaps and I get brought back in.
Thank you thank you thank you for the “attraction” moments! I thought I was alone in swooning as he pulled the girls closer to him. My husband was laughing at me while I sighed hopeless romantic sighs each time. Our boy Matty is quite the charmer. He quite literally charmed me right off my couch! He’s definitely my fave and might even replace Andrew as my fave of all time. Cheerio Mr Firestone!
What about Chris Harrison’s comment for the show next week….”Everyone Hates Robin!” I heart Chris Harrison. I always hope that one of the girls will fall in love with him.
Okay, in Shayne’s defense, she would have had a hard time walking on those bricks in ANY heels, not just ugly ones. And it’s not like she (or any of the girls for that matter) would have broken out the sneakers for the date (although I doubt she even owns a pair).
Also, can we talk about the way she was sitting while in the “love pit” with Matt? She was wearing a dress and pulling her knees up to her chest! Guess she wanted to show off her newly tanned bottom.
Oh, and #23 The GBF, he doesn’t walk, he “saunters”.
Someone else posted this on one of Lincee’s other blog postings (the prince of tides one): http://www.tmz.com/2008/03/29/bachellor-screws-contestants-defrauds-them-too/
I mean it is TMZ after all so who knows if its truth or reality but it definitely makes me think twice about Matty saying he wants to find a wife and true love and blah blah blah. I see PLAYER when I watch the show now…
For more on Matty download the Podcast “YO on E” on itunes from about two weeks ago, he sings and acts totally silly on it…. made me think he was even cuter!
One of my favorite moments–Robin talking about how this is a game and there’s only one winner–she goes on to say that it the show won’t end with two winners–then she makes a hilarious comment about having a threesome. I think she’s funny and really the only one really “playing” the game. Maybe she’s the “player” not Matty.
OK- A tanning machine? Seriously? Well played ABC intern. How would someone (a) manage to sneak it into the house- what is she doing hiding it under her bed? (b) was she going to spray tan herself? umm… I’m confused! Poor Holly. I am SO dying for a hometown date with Shayne, her dad, and his four ex-wives. How funny would that be?
#22 – The racket from Holly’s suitcase? Why, the airbrush tanner set, of course! ;^)
To LS – can’t stop laughing about the “spits on you and close talks”. Brillant!
M (#11): Thank you for noticing Matty’s comment to Marshana! I noticed it, too, and rewound several times to make sure I heard him right. I wonder if he felt as ridiculous as he sounded.
Lincee, I love your recaps! When I watch now I look for things that I think you’ll pick out for the blog.
The hot dog vendor girl….I think she works here:
http://www.hotdogonastick.com
There is a stand right on Venice Beach (which is where she is from….) Poor girl, if it’s true, has to wear this uniform. And they make fresh lemonade while bouncing on a stick….
http://www.hotdogonastick.com/images/pics_double.jpg
Next time you are in Los Angeles, go take a look and see if she is there! The stand is on the “boardwalk” right by the Santa Monica Pier!!
#33 Jill – THANK YOU! I was beginning to think I made that up!!! “Threesome”… You crack me up Robin!
I’m sorry but I can’t like Robin. I don’t have it in me. I think it’s the lips. It’s like she smiles and she’s all teeth or something. And the attitude. And the feather earings from last week. I’m not judging, it’s just SERIOUSLY? And the whole, I’ve already got a rose but I’m going to take him away all for myself. She better just watch out, Marshana is just one episode shy of a Flavor of Love moment with her.
Im confused…. only 6 girls are listed who got roses – shouldnt there be 9 listed? (I didnt see the show yet)
Shayne, Holly, and the psycho tendencies fish lips girl got the other on dates.
Disclaimer: I’m glad Marshana was not seriously injured
- – - – - -
I bet Marshana took notes during the episode when Bevin’s sprained/broke her ankle and thought, “hey she made it to F2 on the sympathy card…”
Thanks again for a hysterical recap.
I love the “What the Crap” moment!
“I will FIGHT for what I want!”
I thought I was going to die when I heard Robin say that. Maybe my memory is bad- but I seriously think Robin is the most psycho girl we’ve had since the Trish/Jesse Palmer season.
Also- I can’t find anything pretty about Robin. I almost have to turn my head when she is onscreen- she makes weird faces and rolls her eyes and pouts too much. And the is the epitome of the saying: “beauty is on the inside”. She is so mean and nasty that she could never be pretty!
But of course- she will stay around b/c she DOES know how to play the game. And ABC needs some drama!
Did anyone notice the previews that showed Marshana’s big injury and had a clip of an ambulance? There was no ambulance on the show! (Or did I miss it?) It’s one thing to use creative editing to make the previews seem more dramatic, but to throw in random clips from things that didn’t even happen? Obnoxious.
I was shocked that there was no mention of Shayne’s high heel boots on the rocky path, as they took a romantic wobble toward the love pit…although you really don’t miss a thing, Lyncee…FYI – I think we should be calling him “Maht Grahnt” – “Matty” just doesn’t do it for me. But that’s just me. Keep up the great re-caps!!!
I just rewatched part of the show b/c I obviously missed a lot! Like Shayne splashing the wine on her ches! Lucky for her it was white wine. And, why was Matt holding Shayne like a little baby.
JEN 26: Hi from SD. The only thing that divides us is a fence. Spouse and I moved to a sweet farm outside of my hometown from Houston last year. Love doing the prairie thing … but rely on the Bachelor to keep me grounded. How screwed up is that ?
LINCEE: I was in Houston last week and saw BW3 at MGP2. I was clever and quick and kept my Mac closed so he couldn’t see me hit refresh on your site every 5 minutes for last week’s recap. I work for Mark … so we be Swisters !
B-E-A-utiful recap. I too thought Shayne was about to break an ankle on that path. There are too many Oompa Loompa’s on this show….
Shayne Lamas clearly needs speech therapy. As soon as I heard her “sall” comment, I knew Lincee would write about it. You would think daddy’s money from Renegade (why would she say that this is the show he is from??? How random. I would have said Falcon Crest) would have paid for some diction lessons. And she certainly has a lovely collection of stripper shoes. Bret Michaels I hope you “sall” that episode. She’s the next contestant on the Rock of Love…Come on down.
And I totally agree that Holly looks like Charlie’s pick from his season (Sarah). They are broken up, by the way. But Sarah moved out to Cali and lived with Charlie for a while. My prediction is that Holly makes it to the final 2 with Meeps, possibly. Don’t Holly and Marshana go on the 2 on 1 date with Matty next week. Bye Bye Marshana. It was good to know you.
I think our lovely Matty is a big old player… with a great accent and handsome smile. While I could look at him all day, I’m just not buying the “search for true love” or a wife. (Maybe it was that TMZ spoiler??) Most of the girls he has kept around are barely legal… and none of them are going to settle down anytime soon. I’m loving Holly and Noelle from Colorado. But I think Noelle predicted the future in this episode… she’s just too quiet. I’m dying for the Robin drama, haha… and I really hope he has some fun with Shayne, but sends her packing soon. Her hair tossing is really bugging me. The camera guy must have been psyched when he caught her huge toss as she accepted the rose. Did anyone else notice that one? It screamed “look at me, I’m a SERIOUS actress”. (or a drunken fool??)
Anyway… this season is fun to watch, but so far I’m just not buying it.
Why would he want US citizenship when he also says he wants to take his “woman prize” back to London? I don’t believe TMZ on this one. Did anyone see the spread in In Touch Weekly? He is going to be a reality fame whore, I smell it already.
I almost forgot Lincee-Chelsea is a freaking animal! I laughed for 5 minutes when she pummeled Picker Ashley. She’s hilarious, but a little too manly for our Matty.
I’m 55, happily married for 30 years and seriously considering moving to England if ALL their men are this FABULOUS! Before Matty, I thought all the bachelors were rather dweebish (with a few exceptions). This guy is handsome, tall, smart and miraculously… FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me humor on the Bachelor and you’ve got me for life!
A few things-
1. Hilarious recap! Particularly the ‘what the crap’ spray tan moment….
2. As much as I think Matt is the cutest/funniest bachelor yet, I do think he is a player. He’s only 27 for starters, he’s into all of these 22 year old girls, clearly loving the attention, making out with and sweet talking every single girl he gets a moment alone with, etc…. There is just no way he is as “ready to settle down” as he says he is
3. I can’t STAND Robyn. I’m actually afraid of her., especially when she has her one-on-ones with the camera and gets that demonic look in her eyes. It really makes me wonder about our bachelor since I don’t understand what he sees in her. I definitely agreed with Kelly when she said that she would never date Robin even if she was a dude!
4. Shayne is certainly a spoiled brat but she seems to know what she’s doing since Matt even admitted to being “under her spell”
5. I’m waiting for Amanda to get more screen time, I think she seems down to earth and sweet, even though she may be a little too calm to compete with all of these crazy girls
Thank you # 11 and # 37… “Take it Girl!” All he was missing was a head bob and a finger snap!
Do you think he did it by accident (something I would do) or to be funny?!
Whatever! I am still laughing!!!
Lincee, did you catch it? I’d love to her your thoughts!
Thanks for another hysterical post. I now watch the show just to better understand your posts!
My 15-year old daughter had this observation: Matt said sometimes he thinks Shayne is one sandwich short of a picnic ~ clearly this is whenever she opens her mouth to speak ~ and sometimes he thinks she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread ~ clearly this is whenever she opens her mouth to put her tongue into his mouth!! Ewwww! Like everyone else Lincee, we look forward to your hilarious recaps even more than the show! As they used to say back in the day, “you’re a hoot and a half”!
Just watched the show last night after reading Lincee’s recap.
I loved how during his one-on-one date with Holly, Matty said that the kiss broke the ice. So lets see: he walked the red carpet with Holly, watched a romantic movie with Holly, wiped away Holly’s tears, had dinner with her then hot tubbed with her but he felt the kiss broke the ice……riiiggghhhhttt…
I totally agree with #52 Joy and #56 Lauren – you ladies hit the head on the nail…the more I watch this show the more I see Matty is just a PLAYER…I could tell the first night of the show when he was watching all the ladies walk up the stairs and was checking out their a$$es.
I love Holly and Amanda though; they are so cute. But I think these girls are too good for Matty. (I think Amanda was meeping during Robin’s monologue about Matty to try and get her to shut up)…I’m actually finding myself liking Shayne too but I don’t think she’s in it for love or marriage. (Did anyone else catch Matty saying he was in the 400 range himself when Shayne was talking about her shoe suitcase?)
I predict, if Matty truly wants to get married, he’ll end up picking Holly, Amanda or Noelle…if he’s in it just for the fame and publicity he’ll pick Shane…if he’s in it to be killed during his sleep he’ll pick Robin (I can’t stand her!)
I thought Holly seemed great at first, but seriously, I think she is playing a game too. Try doing a google search of her, or better yet check out her personal website at http://www.hollydurst.com
She looks like she is trying to break into a hollywood career…. and let me say, her stock dropped majorly with me when she busted out the spray tan machine (that was just weird). Don’t think she’s as sugar and spice as she acts…
A little update on former bachelor Andy Baldwin. I have one word for you: Wow.
http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/04/03/andy-baldwin-marla-maples-beach/
I honestly haven’t found Robyn to be all that psycho or a b*tch. I mean, it was a bit much that she was trying to steal Matt away when she already had a rose (and I love that Matt straight up said to her, “you already have a rose”), but I have to agree that you need to be playing the game 100%. I’m gonna have to give her a closer look this week and see if I agree with all y’all.
1. I cannot believe he picked Ashley after the immature happy fit she threw last week after getting a rose.
2. What is with him picking Shayne? I feel like the time has passed for the producers to force him to pick her for drama. If he really is into her then I think that says something about him — nothing good! Or maybe he finds her shallowness repulsive but is keeping her around for kicks.
3. Love his “sandwich short of a picnic” and “best thing since sliced bread” comments — in the same sentence!! That takes some serious skills.
4. I heard the “take it, girl” comment too, but I was in such disbelief that I phsyically was unable to rewind it to confirm.
5. Loving Holly and Noel. Also the adorable meep girl. Hoping one of them goes all the way.
6. Such a hose job — the purposely set up Marsh with a girl Maht really likes on the double date next week for a good, non-racist excuse to send Marsh home. Not that I’m a huge fan or anything, but I’m also not crazy about veiled semi-racist rejections.
7. I know everyone hates Robin but I think she’s funny. She sometimes get the crazy eyes but otherwise I think she’s pretty. And she reminds me SO MUCH of someone I can’t put my finger on. I must like this mystery person for some reason because I don’t get a horrible feeling about Robin. She will probably prove to be too aggressive and nutty in time, but for now I like her.
8. Lincee, the “What the Crap” moment was one of your finest!! Keep up the good work, girl.
9. CHRIS HARRISON: If you read this, 1.) You are awesome and I also like your teeth! and 2.) Can you please, please, PLEASE tell abc.com that they should list “The Bachelor” under the B’s and NOT the T’s (for “the”) in the list of online shows? It drives me crazy! And the first time I went to watch the show online I almost didn’t bother scrolling down because who the hell would list it under the T’s? Basic rules of alphabetization, people!
Okay folks, I now need to go engage in an intensive 8 hours of reverse brain washing to wipe out any erroneous desires to watch a crapflick like “Made of Honor.” Thanks for playing!
One sandwich short of a picnic–you are so right about abc.com putting The Bachelor under T. I had to look a couple times before I sall it.
#51 – Sorry. Speech therapy will not help Shayne. Speech therapy can’t “fix” dumb.
(I’m a speech therapist.)
Did anyone see that Andy Baldwin is dating Marla Maples (Trump)? OOOF!
#60 Laura – thanks for the Holly link. Does it bother anyone else that she calls herself a “children’s book author” when she has only written two short books that haven’t even been published??? No no. You don’t get to call yourself that yet. Go by some other moniker. Like “Spray Tan Machine Owner”. I’m just sayin…
So…..Holly is as much of a children’s book author as Shayne is an actress. Interesting.
i think photo Lori is right….its hard to tell but this looks like our hot dog vendor.
dang the picture didnt show up, try this link
http://www.hotdogonastick.com/frames.html
#48 I am so glad someone else noticed Matty holding Shayne like a baby. I had to turn my head away out of embarrassment for them!
Don’t you think Hot Dog Erin should hook up with Ice Cream Scooper Eric from Survivor? A match made in boardwalk heaven. Love the recap. You should come to Austin to see HTC Brad and the twin, they have a new bar : )
Lincee – Hilarious. I am still not attached to any one girl yet either, ladies. I can’t say I totally dislike Robin although my couch party disliked her intensely. Ashley got a rose? Is she even out of diapers?
I have to admit I’m really skeptical of our young Matty. We shall soon see.
Fake eyelashes – picked last – priceless.
Well, it is sad to say, but I just read the recap tonight! Sad because I could have used a great laugh like that over the past week. I LOVE the new website and knowing more of your random thoughts throughout the week!!
I’m going on record to say that Matty is only in it for his own budding acting career.
Did anyone see the article in US Weekly about the little Navy Bachelor Andy Baldwin dating Marla Maples? Have I just been under a rock lately and haven’t heard that? Yikes!
Way to go Matt!!! Picking Marshana over Holly!! Brave move. I’m glad he realized she could not hold a serious conversation!!! And, WHAT was with Kelly and the boobs!!! Ashlee could not answer the if you move to London question!!!! Thak you for not being a big fake like the American guys before you!!!
Is it just me or is there something wrong with robin’s voice? Someone may have already asked this. Just curious if I’m imagining things.
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