We can all admit that we got a little suspicious during the two-on-one date with Holly and Marshana. Several little red flags went up during last night’s episode and I questioned if ABC was trying to trick me into believing that Marsh would actually stay and he would give Holly the boot. I even went as far as to mentally giving the ABC producers kudos for guiding me down the path to the ship that I almost boarded, but proceeded with caution.
The trickeration was all over the place and even though it was not out of the blue, I had a verbal reaction when he gave Marsh the rose. Sort of started out as a gasp that slowly transitioned into a wide-eyed uttering of, “Wow.”
Then I brushed it off figuring he didn’t really care for either girl so he was fine with the producers suggesting he send Holly packing. Marsh makes for better drama and she doesn’t do everyone’s hair in the house or give them spray tans.
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Spring Oreos or have a Jazzercise instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
Group Date
A Perfect Match
Kelly
Chelsea
Picker Ashlee
Noelle
Robin
Shayne
After hearing that there is going to be a two-on-one date in which SOMEONE goes home, these girls are pumped to know that they are going on the group date. Not only are they going to play tennis together, but they are going to have high tea afterwards. SCORE! Robin is super pumped. She drinks tea all the time. She learned all about tea when she backpacked across Europe that summer with the cool Chi Omegas from Florida State. She loves tea.
Shayne loves the tiny tennis skirts and begins a rather intriguing conversation with both Kelly and Chelsea on the proper under garment to wear with the skirt. Boy short? Cheeky hipster? Thong? Traditional white or punch of color? The possibilities are endless.
The girls all attempt to play and Matty is impressed that Picker actually made contact with the ball. Kelly is trying to garner some attention by pretending to dance on an invisible pole. But Chelsea, rockin’ the John McEnroe headband, is the one our Bachelor can not take his eyes off. He thinks she is hot.
Shayne, sensing the attraction between the two, decides to challenge Chelsea and her green headband to a hand stand contest. One…two…three…UP AND OVER!
Ah. We decided on the red boy short panties. Nice touch girls.
Shayne wins to Chelsea’s surprise. And it’s only after she executes 12 back handsprings across the lawn that we find out the sneaky temptress has a background in gymnastics.
Chelsea whines and then laughs at herself.
Kelly grinds her imaginary pole again.
Noelle blushes and secretly yearns for a gin rummy tournament later.
Picker giggles because she saw a butterfly.
And Robin tells the camera that would never stoop to doing gymnastics in order to gain attention from the Bachelor.
Our Bachelor decides to steal Picker Ashlee away to really get to know her better. He feels they’ve had zero connection since they first met. Picker Ash is super excited that he invited her into the woods for some alone time.
She tells the camera: “I’m glad he picked me first. I don’t like sloppy seconds.”
Matt: “You seem to be taking all this in stride.”
Picker (giggling): “What does that mean?”
Matt: “You know…dealing with this easily.”
Picker (giggling): “Dealing with what?”
Matt: “The stress of this experience.”
Picker (giggling): “Oh I’m not stressed. I talk to boys all the time. I can stay out past midnight if I want.”
Never fear dear audience. You are not experiencing a wicked case of déjà vu. This is the exact conversation we witnessed when we were blessed to meet Picker Ashlee for the first time. You know…when she busted out the guitar to sing him a song and looked quizzically at him when he told affectionately told her to “Fire away.”
Good thing she doesn’t have the guitar with her again. She might start…oh wait…guess she doesn’t need a guitar. She’s confident in her pipes alone. This should be interesting.
[Note: please read in a Reba McIntire accent with a little bit of breathy Britney folded in for good measure. Think “Fancy” with an underlying track of “Slave for You.”]
I feeeeeeeel
It could be reeeeeeeeal
But I’m scared
To let myself go THERE
Because
I feeeeeeeear
That I’ll fall so haaaaaaard
And you’ll just break my heeeeeeart
She finished with her signature squint and giggle. Alright Matty. Let’s see what you do with this one.
Matty: “That always gets me.”
Lincee waits for the punch line.
Matty: “When you sing, you grab me.”
Lincee takes Matty down a few notches on her cool-o-meter.
Picker: “I want a rose soooooooooooo bad.” Followed by some more giggles.
Meanwhile, the girls all discuss how Ashlee is just a baby and wonder why she wears a regular bra under her sports bra.
It’s now tea time for our group. After freaking out about the swans in the lake, the girls all gather around a little round table and take scones and jam from Robin. She’s in charge because her parents have a tea maker. A real tea maker. Instead of a coffee maker. She’s so more British than these other girls, it’s ridiculous.
Robin steals Matty away for some alone time. They talk about the tea maker some more and how they have an amazing UK connection. Robin thinks it’s because her parents just do British things without thinking. So it’s like she’s sort of British…but not. She also says that she’s falling for him. Matty is surprised to hear this since she is such a tough nut to crack. Robin fakes some embarrassment and tells her that she doesn’t open up easily and this is a big deal for her to admit.
Whatever. We know what guarded REALLY looks like. Her name is DeAHnna. Tune in to ABC this May to see it truly in action, okay Robin?
The other girls are ticked. Kelly complains about Robin bragging about her parents’ tea pot and could care less that she used to live in London. Shayne is upset that she never gives the other girls the time of day and decides it’s time to be honest with Robin. She and Kelly have an intervention and tell Robin that people are going to be talking about her behind her back if she’s not careful. Honing in on the fact that these girls have “relationships” with the Bachelor, Robin becomes anxious that they might snitch on her bold behavior and paint her in a bad light to Matty. She whips up a quick batch of tears and laments that she never was good at making friends, therefore, cutting off any pending acts of sabotage.
Matty decides to give the date rose to Chelsea. Look a lot of hutzpuh to parade around in that green headband all day long. Go girl.
Shayne digs in her Fendi bag for another pair of shoes.
Robin curses her parents for not allowing tennis lessons when she was young.
Noelle wonders if she can take a nap on the way home.
Kelly slips some vodka in her dainty tea cup when no one’s looking.
And Picker says to the camera:
“That majorly SUCKS! What is up with that? He gives Chelsea the rose? What am I? He totally was checking me out at my locker and I know when he asked to borrow my algebra book, that was a total excuse to talk to me. I know, right? And PS…Chelsea is two-faced. I totally took her off my top friends in MySpace.”
One-On-One Date
Let’s Take a Trip to the Past
Meeps
Oh Meeps. Gotta love her. And sweet Holly too. Ratting her hair to obtain maximum height. You see…Meeps wants to show Matty her bad girl tonight. He thinks she is conservative and refined, but she has driven on the wild side once or twice. And is looking forward to him seeing her in action.
It’s at this point that I half expected to hear, “I GOT CHIIIIIILLS. THEY’RE MULTIPLYING. AND I’M LOSING CONTROL!” in the background, but ABC opted for cheesey “do wop” music as Matty picks Meeps up for their 50s themed date. Missed opportunity intern. Let’s get your head back in the game.
Ah. There you go. Matching black pleather jackets. Adorable.
Wait a minute. I think I recognize the ABC intern’s work again! I personally suspect the producer came up to him a few days before and said that their creative date location…the Shetland pony farm…had fallen through and he needed to find somewhere…anywhere…for Matty and Meeps to go hang out. With a quick Google search, the intern was able to land a spot at the vintage car show in the area, complete with vintage car geeks in letterman jackets. But it gets better…the Wal-Mart down the street has a parking lot carnival that has agreed to shut down only for them. YES! YOU GO INTERN!
Matty and Meeps eat hamburgers and drink milk shakes while talking about how everything is comfortable with them. She says she’s conservative. He says he’s a geek. She says that she had already picked up on that and gives him a flirtatious wink. He decides to ask her to dance.
No wonder he danced like an eight-grader with Marshana that night. That’s as elaborate as he can get. No skills at all. Two more notches down the cool-o-meter for you Matty. Unacceptable.
They end up eight-grade-sway-dancing while making out (nothing wrong with that) and he gives her the rose. Then it’s off to Wal-Mart for the kiddie roller coaster.
Two-On-One Date
Holly and Marshana
The date box arrives in a big silver pot. Shayne (because she hasn’t done this before…what the crap?) opens the lid to reveal a metal whisk, chef’s hat, aprons, spatulas and menus.
Holly: “WE’RE COOKING!”
Yeah…got that from the big silver pot ten minutes ago Holly. Tune in Tokyo.
This is where ABC begins its trickeration techniques on the viewing audience.
Big montage that lasts about ten minutes. Holly says she and Matty have something special. Marsh thinks that she and Matty have something special too, but is concerned that there has been no alone time. Robin says that she would never want to be in either of their positions because someone is going home. Marsh gets mad at Robin for saying this and becomes emotional because this is REAL to her people and she is going to dig and fight and scratch her way to win this rose. Then she starts crying and admits that she is scared because she has never kissed him or been on a one-on-one date.
Why all this background information I’m wondering.
Marsh and Holly arrive at Matty’s apartment. Ironically, no one ever cooks. But that doesn’t stop Marsh from wearing the chef’s hat that arrived in the pot. I’m pretty sure it was just a prop that the ABC intern scored from someone at Central Market, but that’s neither here nor there. Marsh is wearing it. Maybe she heard Matty likes head accessories and wants to pull a John McEnroe of her own? I’m not sure. Could go either way! CURSES ABC TRICKERATION!
Matty needs to know who is outgoing and wants this more. He asks, “Would you move to the UK?”
Marsh: “Nothing is holding me in New York. I can go anywhere you want me to go.”
Holly: “I’ve always wanted to visit London.”
Marsh: “I would do anything for love. I would run to hell and back. I would do anything for love. I’ll never lie to you and that’s a fact.”
Holly: “Ditto to what she said. Put me on an island and I could survive. If you were there.”
Excuse me while I vomit in my trash can.
Okay. I’m back. Let’s see…ditto is never a good answer. Marsh could be making a comeback.
Matty tells the camera they are neck-and-neck. Seriously? I think I should give Marsh a few more points. Weird ABC editing perhaps?
He decides to speak to them alone. Marsh is by the fire pit outside. She tells the Bachelor that her Mama said you know when you are ready for love by the fact that you are willing to recognize the benefits and the risk. No guts no glory. (Good thing this was not Picker, or we would have sat through a good two minutes of explaining that expression.) He gives her a peck kiss and goes off to visit Holly.
Holly is conveniently horizontal on a bed. Mentally number one again in my mind. They talk about how they are both boring and like to watch movies. But then our Bach gets bold and asks:
Matty: “Do you have any challenging questions for me?”
Lincee: MAJOR RED FLAG HOLLY. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
Holly: “I can’t think of any.”
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand there you have it. I knew at this point that she was probably done. Or had dug herself a nice little hole that would be difficult to climb out of. Asking if she had any challenging questions? Hello! That’s code for, “You are attractive, but is there any activity going on in that little noggin of yours?”
We find Marsh and Holly wrapped in crimson pashminas. Would it kill you to turn on the heat man? Clearly they are chilled.
Anyway…he talks about how emotionally draining this is and rather abruptly offers Marsh the rose.
Poor Holly is holding back the tears. He walks her to the limo and said that he was physically attracted to her, but conversation had been difficult. What a nice way to put it Matty! Holly is in shock and can’t believe she poured her heart out to Matty.
The girls back at the mansion are shocked that Holly’s bags are the ones the random man picks up. It was a big reality check for all of them. It’s time to pour their hearts and put everything on the line.
Rose Ceremony
Everyone comments on the mood of the room. This has become real people. Kelly pretty much knows she’s going and points to the camera with the finger that previously was pickling her gin and tonic, that she promises to not cry when she’s booted.
Matt enters the room, tells the ladies that he is very upset from the night before and wishes to see everyone one-0n-one.
Picker Ashlee’s Time
Matty: “When you pull out that guitar, my heart just goes.”
Lincee: Seriously?
Ash (giggling and squinting): Really?
Lincee: That’s what I said…
Matty: “But I wonder if there is more?”
Lincee: There it is. Finally.
Ash: “We should totally find out! I think we should have a full day together. We can go to the mall, catch the new Ryan Philippe flick and then back to my parent’s house…I mean basement apartment for some Guitar Hero. What do you say?”
Matty: “That sounds fun, but it might not be an option after tonight. Have you ever lived away from home?”
Ash: “Totally. I live out of a suitcase sometimes.”
Lincee: Hey Ash…band camp doesn’t count as living away from home. Get a clue.
Matty: “If you moved to the UK and your music career didn’t take off, what would you do?”
Ash: “It totally WILL take off. Or you could just travel with me. Or we could just live. That would NOT suck at all. I know, right?”
Lincee: Bless her heart.
Poor Ash is totally in the dark. She should go find Kelly and drink up now because her minutes are numbered.
Ash: “Music can be created anywhere, but love is rare. Whoa. That totally rhymes. I need to write that down before it goes out of my head. Anyone have a pen?”
Enter ABC intern.
Alone Time with Noelle
Uhm…something about a question mark above her head. That’s all I have in my notes.
Alone Time with Kelly
[Cue stripper music]
Ironically, our first order of business when Matty finds Kelly sitting on the couch is to comment on her body language…crossed arms in front of chest. A sign that you do not want someone coming any closer. Matty encourages her to uncross her arms and be more playful. She seems very funny and outgoing with a group of girls, but reserved when with him.
Kelly leans over and the viewer ponders if she is crying or having sever cramps. She comes up with a goofy grin on her face, a few tosses to give her hair that bed head look…
And proceeds to pull open her plunging v-wrap dress to reveal ginormous boobies held in tightly by a bedazzled black bra. Why all the details you ask? Because the ABC camera man zoomed in on the melons for 30 seconds. At least. Boobs. Right there.
Matty gives a priceless Jim Halpert look to the camera, leans back in awe and asks the question we all want to know…“Why do that?”
Alone Time with Shayne
Matty makes out with Shayne because she tells him to send the other girls away.
Roses
It’s pretty predictable at this point that Matt chooses Shayne, Robin and Noelle to join Meeps, Marsh and Chelsea in the rose ceremony semi-circle. Kelly gives Matty a high five and puts the digits of the ABC camera man in her bedazzled bra as she exits the mansion. Ash is attacked in a death grip by Marsh and, while taking deep cleansing breathes, makes her way to the Bachelor. He pats her on the head and sends her away through the door.
I found it interesting that he didn’t walk her out. She’s clearly upset. So much so that the ABC psychotherapist convinced her that the best way to begin the healing process is to sing the haunting last line of the song she wrote for Matty.
I feeeeeeeear
That I’ll fall so haaaaaaard
And you’ll just break my heeeeeeart
I’ll probably eat my words when she’s on CMT’s Top 20 in a few years.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
I’ve almost recovered from reading the recap. Loved the part about Kelly stashing the ABC cameraman digits before she leaves..Ok, last night I saw real connection and chemistry between Shayne and Matty. I also saw more in her that I liked,especially when she approaced Robin about her behavior and how she alienates the other girls. I thought she handled that very maturely. And she was right. My fiance thinks she is the most alluring girl of the bunch and I’d have to agree. But I also think there is more to her than meets the eye. She actually cracks me up and seems witty. Yes she is a princess and high maintenance and probably quite spoiled but I’m enjoying watching her and Matty’s moments. They are far more interesting than his time with the other girls. I think he is amused and intrigued by her.
Fab-u-lous! I can’t believe you haven’t commented yet on the article on people.com about Ltn. Andy and Marla Maples. Please please give us your take on them.
I LOVE YOU! And your recaps are so freakin’ funny.
How could you not comment on the Marshanna kiss though? I knew she had large lips, but my GAWD they are 6 times larger than Matt’s! Crazy.
Did anyone else notice when one of the girls flipped up the back of her tennis skirt? Who was that? Is Robin hearing impaired – is that why she talks like that or does she have a retainer????
I agree there needs to be a recap revisit to comment on the Marsh/Matty mushy kiss. I felt uncomfortable the entire time it was on the screen. Anything would have been better then watching the two of them try to make a kiss work. The bachelor history is full of awkward kisses but this one wins the prize. Bring on the bad singing or bedazzled bras, just take Marsh and Matty’s lip lock off the screen.
That was the nastiest (is that a word?) kiss I have ever seen!!
Ahhh, nothing is better than quoting Meatloaf in a Bachelor recap! Love it. I must say that at the end of the day, i couldn’t be happier with his choices. Good bye Kelly and Ash.
I can’t believe that I care enough about this show to be commenting, I’m so depressed.
OMG! If you go to the ABC website, there’s a video of the unedited goodbye speeches from last night (at least I’m guessing it’s unedited…I didn’t watch it last night). Kelly, in her drunken slur, says “I’ve been kidnapped in this house, without TV, without phone, without my friends, without my booty calls!” Typical. She later says she hasn’t had anything to drink and then turns to Ashely and says “Ash – you’re a gangsta!”
So fun.
So glad he got rid of Picker!
Did anyone notice the matching fur collared coats all the girls have? I saw Meeps take it off when she got her date box with the pleater jacket and then Holly and Marshana both had them on when arriving at their date. What the crap? Did the ABC intern go on a shopping mission because it was cold outside?
That kiss was the “MOST awkward kiss in Bachelor history”
Shayne is growing on me, maybe they are playing her down on purpose
I was expecting a Jim Halpert face insertion after the boobs…. was she talking for them?? We need subtitles!
I couldn’t agree more about that kiss. For real, her bottom lip covered from his lip down to his chin! I shutter just thinking about it.
“Tune in Tokyo.” Freaking hilarious!!!!!!!
This one was classic…BY FAR the best episode we’ve had. Even my husband took a break from the national championship game to watch bc he said it was just too funny. Or maybe he liked the boobies. Etiher way. It was classic…and LIncee–the recap was golden this week. Thanks for reliving it for us…at least until I can watch it again on my DVR tonight.
I thought the best line of the night was when Picker cried to the camera that she wrote a song for him and that was way more powerful and emotional than any words could say. Hmm. As always, great recap!!
What did Kelly say when she ripped her dress open? “Rose or not?” “Hot or not?” We rewound it like eight times and still didn’t figure it out.
Shayne and her grosgrain ribbons are creeping me out. This ain’t a gymnastics meet honey – ditch the bow.
And Robin with the crying/laughing—am I the only one who found that weird, weird, weird? “All the other girls hate me. *Tear* HAHA!”
Lincee- that might have been one of your best recaps yet! And I have been a long time reader!
I’m still trying to catch my breath from laughing so hard!
Shayne and Amanda are my favorites. I want the final 2 to be them- it would be entertaining.
And thank goodness Picker is gone. That voice is awful! lol! And she is S-L-O-W! Kelly. Isn’t she like 65, with perky boobs? She looks like she’s had a long life on drinking and smoking.
Please tell me you watched “Dancing with the Stars” last night? In the audience was Lt. Andy (in uniform) and his mother, I mean girlfriend, Marla Maples. gag!
I couldn’t wait to see what you had to say about Kelly’s display. Thanks for not disappointing!
I was liking Holly less on this episode for some reason. Not that I’m a huge fan of Marsh. I think it’s just a matter of time til she’s packing. I hope somebody was there to comfort Shayne when the spray tanner was taken out the door by the random man.
Did anyone see Meeps and Chelsea messing with Matty at the end? So cute! I LOVE Meeps! I’m glad we got to see a little more of her in this episode. And Chelsea’s growing on me because she’s just so real, though she can be a bit much.
And, did anybody notice that Robyn seemed upset at the rose cerimony? Really, she seemed upset the whole night. They didn’t show any one-on-one footage of her at the cerimony. I wonder if she didn’t get to have Matty all to herself and she’s upset. She was definitely giving him the evil eye the whole night.
Maybe I need to watch the show again as I was not creeped out by the Marshawna/Matt kiss – it was just quick. No one is saying anything, but have you ever kissed someone with big lips? Have you ever even seen people with big lips kiss? If so, that is what it looks like – it isn’t sick or gross – it is just different….
Anywho…
Here you go…
http://tvwatch.people.com/2008/04/08/bachelor-speaks-out-about-romance-with-marla-maples/?xid=rss-topheadlines
“The kiss” gave me the shivers. It felt so utterly unnatural for those two to kiss. You’re spot on with your comment about letting Holly go first to allow us another week of producer-ordered drama with Marshana.
You really should warn us ahead of time before dropping another line like “Tune in Tokyo” — I spewed coffee all over my desk, monitor and keyboard!
In case I forget to tell you next week, I didn’t think you could top today’s recap, but I am certain next week will. Hilarity WILL ensue.
You’re a peach, girl!
Lovin’ Lincee and the blog comments! Okay……could of done without Kelly exposing the “girls” wonder woman style. Real classy, Kel! Thank God it was NOT a turn on for our British boy, Matty, and he got rid of her! I kind of like that about him…..some smarts!
Thanks for the laughs, as always!
Did anyone else hear Amanda did a Meep and somone yelled Shut Up!!! It was HILARIOUS!!!
Moose’s Mom: I DID notice that! And did you hear Amanda meekly say, “Sorry!” Love her!
Moose’s mom.. YES!!! My husband died laughing at that!!! It was right as they were cutting to commercial and we had to rewind the Tivo to hear that again!!!
*MEEP*
Shut up!
“sorry”
My other favorite line of the night:
Shayne (tossing a ball up into the air) “What IS a high tea??”
OMG Yes Casey and Kendall! I had to rewind it a few times..I couldn’t stop laughing!!!
Five bucks says that, during the “The Bachelorettes Tell All”, Marshana tells everyone about her new drapery clothing and hair crystal accessories line.
Ellen said on her show last week that she is picking Shayne as the winner.. I think she might be on to something.
I found this on another site…its a site about MEEPS!!!
http://www.teammeeps.com/?gclid=CIrDtr3ix5ICFQGCxwod33IFbg
Good Recap…funny as always!
I predict Shayne and Meeps in the final two….
D
http://www.mommysworldonline.com
No mention of Matty saying that he wants to stay informed about the Middle East?
Great recap as usual Lincee! you continue to Rock! What- do comment that when Holly’s bags were taken, it showed a close up of Shayne crying…noooooo- there goes the spray tanner! Bless her heart. I’m also in agreement that the kiss with Marsh and Matty was a bit odd. I don’t think it was from her lips though- I think it was b/c her lips are larger- but that her jaw is larger… My hubby also tuned in to this rather than the game b/c it was much more entertaining. His comment on the kiss was- so- Matt just kissed Patrick Ewings lovechild… that is how he refers to Marshana!
Agreed #26- she’s bound to be plugging her drapery, er clothing line. I’d be surprised if we didn’t see her in a t-shirt that says http://www.marshanadrapes.com or something!
I think Noelle is our dark horse… and dare I say it now. ***I vote Holly as next bachelorette after DeHanna!***
*** please note- I made up that website! It’s not real!***
OMG!!! died laughing at the recap as usual!! love the “myspace” comment! ROTF! I agree with the editing from the 2 person date…I thought it would be holly going home, but then when I saw them kiss, I thought No way would Matty pick a kisser like that…gag! but I was fooled.
did anyone catch Robin’s weird glare/look at Matt right after she accepted the rose at ceremony? I rewound it a few times, its almost as if something was edited out in between because it “skips” a bit.. no reason she would just give a bit of the ol’ crazy… interesting!
ok the meeps website is ridiculous…they’re trying to milk (or meep) that for everything they can. sheesh.
hilarious episode. hilarious recap.
am i the only one who just doesn’t see the connection with marsh and matty? the uncontrollable weeping to the camera? “pick me, love me, marry me” um…hello cameron diaz in my best friends wedding. get some new material? i actually cringed when i saw them sucking face. i had a flash back to the sex and the city episode where charlotte dated the guy who started licking her whole face!!!
i’ll be a-ok not to see that again. kudos to Amy for the comment of “MOST awkward kiss in Bachelor history”
can’t wait till next week!! i think Noelle is going to make it far, in the past there’s always been the one girl that we never hear from (selective editing?) who makes it to the end….we shall see!
No one has mentioned the outtake at the end of the show! We got to see Meeps being very, very funny and Matty laughing hysterically at whatever she was saying/doing. There’s the chemistry that I spied the minute she stepped outta the limo, folks.
“Picker giggles because she saw a butterfly.” CLASSIC – That is too funny!!!
I too love it at the end with Meeps and Chelsea!!!
http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff121/TroLL4U/amandr.jpg
Amanda’s high school picture.
OH my, Thank You Lincee!
Can I say that I love Shayne! She is Fabulous. I don’t think that she is right for Matty, but I hope that he keeps her around until the END.
Lips…I’ve never been so scared in my life!
Boobs…Again, never so scared for the second time in one night…in my life!
Robin can’t talk. Is is just me or does the way she talk make anyone else want to scratch a chalk-board for relief.
I’m hoping that there are no more singers in the house!
Still wondering about HOT DOG ERIN’s Shack!
Really like Chelsea, Amanda, Shayne & Noelle.
I think that Amanda is the Final Rose Holder.
OK, I must admit my ignorance to the world through Lincee’s blog–I don’t get the “tune in Tokyo” comment. Someone please tell me what I’m missing!!
MZBlongoria-love your fake “marshanadrapes.com”; Lets all be watching for that one! And what is UP with that golden snake that Marsh has worn down the middle of her head on two separate occasions now?? Must be part of the Cleopatra Collection of her hair accessory line.
Tune in Tokyo? Anybody?
loved the recap, one of your best, Lincee! Could not believe Kelly and her girls. She knew she was out-a-there… did she really think the girls would make him change his mind??? So pitiful.
Lincee, since I’ve been enjoying your humor since the email days, I feel like I know you. Reading between the lines of your short blog, I’m thinking you’re in a good place now? Have you found love???
I know there’s a really wonderful person out there for you. . . one with a great sense of humor!! thanks for keeping us all so entertained.
If I remember correctly…
Tune in Tokyo is from Girls Just Want to Have Fun – The dorky friend gets a girl to put her hands behind her head with her arms up and twist back and forth and cops a feel of her chest.
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I know that… I have to find more to do with my time.
oh forgot to include that while he cops a feel he is twisting her tatas like radio dials saying “tune in tokyo…tune in tokyo…”
Robin is a chi omega? Trishel from the real world and robin are 2 girls I dont want to claim as sisters! How do you know she was one? She gets on my nerves more than Shayne does with her baby voice.. and I agree with everyone in saying there is no chemistry with marsh- he really seems to be kicking off the dumb girls quickly- picker and holly (even tho holly was sweet!). I def think Meeps will win it all!
Am I still watching? Yes.
This season hasn’t really been all THAT. But now that the REAL Lincee is back with her wonderful banter, I’m back as well.
Lincee’s recap was just so good I can’t really improve it. I will say that Robin could be our crazy / stalker type. Noelle & Chelsea might be our sleepers, since we don’t know much about them but Matt is keeping them around.
One of my favorite parts last night right before a break: “Meep!” “Stoooop it.” “Sorry.” Died laughing.
Meeps does seem like a pretty nice person, but I have to say that once the novelty wore off, I think the “meeps” would grow old really quickly. I know she can’t help it, and she seems to take it in stride (someone explain that to Picker, please), but there’s got to be a point at which that becomes annoying to the people around her. I’m just saying.
I wonder if Kelly borrowed a Bedazzler from Tana from The Apprentice and made that sparkly bra herself. . I’m not sure I’d even know where to go to buy something like that — “Vegas Showgirls R Us?”
I am loving Matt. And I really loved the questions that he was asking the girls pre-rose ceremony. He seems like he really is trying to take this as seriously as he possibly can. I do have to admit that I will miss Kelly, she was always the fun drunk one to watch!
Re: Meeps. Anyone notice that on the one-on-one she didn’t meep? We at the watercooler are speculating that she has more control of the meeps than she lets on. Your thoughts?
Surprised me that they didnt edit out the part when Meeps was getting ready for her date, and she asked Kelly how she looked (going for a bad girl look) and Kelly said “you are a Raging Slut”. Did I hear that right? I thought someone else said whore but I wasnt sure. Considering that she flashed her girls later that night, I think maybe she was being sarcastic.
AB #41–don’t you worry i knew that too.
Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt and Shannen Doherty all in one 80s movie?! AWESOME. Be proud!!!
I think I remember Meeps saying she “meeped” when she was extremely nervous?!
OH MYGOODNESS!!! Lincee, have you ever checked out the ‘Diary of the Departed’ on ABC’s Bachelor website?!?! They show more video and of the what the girls have to say after the bachelor kicks them to the curb! It is super funny! You must check it out and if you already have, then you must BLOG about it!!!
BEST RECAP EVER!!! I am still rolling! Matty may not do it for me (definitely no Andy Baldwin), but your recaps are the best part. So happy he got rid of Kelly and Fetus Ashlee…. shocked when he said Marshana. I had to rewind it twice… surely a slip up. I also noticed Matty’s Jim Halpert face when Kelly exposed the girls…. CLASSIC!!! I think Ash is more interested in furthering her singing career than finding love. Whoever previously said that Holly reminds them of Goldie Hawn from Laugh In…. I totally agree!!! Noelle and Meeps are my fav’s! Robin has got. to. go.
I’m sooo glad Ashlee is gone. The giggling only works so long, girl. Give it up! I’m surprisingly not attached to any of the women yet. I think Amanda is cute, but the meeps 7 days a week could get old really fast. Shayne is very pretty, but may be too Hollywood for Matty. Maybe it’s Chelsea or Noell?
Tangent – I thought Andy had a problem with Bevin’s divorce; now he’s dating a much older divorcee? Rebound much?
Kelly said something like, “Notice, these are very nice!” Just as she opened her top. She said it with a bit of a Borat accent.
Little trick if you DVR the show…. Rewind and then turn the volume to mute. If you’ve got close-captioning turned on it will kick in and you can read what they said. Since the show is taped, it’s accurate.
Glad I could help.
I love listening to Kelly talk. Oh my goodness. If anyone hasn’t watched the extended “bon voyage” speeches from the rejected girls on abc.com, you MUST. It’s so awesome. When Kelly-who-claims-she-is-sober-yet-somehow-always-sounds-wasted-and-knocks-things-over randomly turns to Ashlee and says, “You’re a gangsta!” I almost peed myself. I wil miss that girl, if only for sounding like she somehow got stuck being permanently high. If she actually was sober, then I think I lover her even more for sounding like that. And didn’t she say something like, “Of course I think he made a mistake. *I* would be into me.” Awesome!
Yeah, poor Holly was in deep trouble when she couldn’t come up with any “challenging” questions.
Matt: I can be a geek. For example, I like to analyze the political turmoil in the Middle East, financial situations in Brazil, and the like.
Holly: Oh, I can be a geek too. I like to curl up and watch movies.
Yikes!! Not the direction he was headed, Holly. I love her and she’s super sweet, but isn’t she also the one who calls herself a children’s book author but hasn’t published a book? I am a writer, people, so I know how tough the business is. But I don’t write a book for some kids I used to babysit and call myself a children’s book author. This goes double if she self published it.
And yes, Robin looked pissed and upset. I wonder if Matt told her during their alone time that he decided she wasn’t going to make it far because her legs looked chunky in the tennis outfit, and he was only keeping her tonight because Kelly and Ashlee were totally unbearable, but Robin would be sent packing next time.
Good times, y’all. Good times.
p.s. I do NOT think anyone on the show is chunky in the slightest. But you gotta worry about any girl who doesn’t conform to the long-legged, skinny appearance of all other bachelorettes. Am I right?
OH MY WORD. I was laughing so hard my sides were aching. Aching. Hilarious. Great recap. And why on earth would anyone equate “you need to change your body language” with “please strip and show me your tatas” Ummmm…. yeah.
Is it just me or are the girls on this show REALLY young?
I have to say this was the best episode of the season by far. Great recap too! I am a frequent reader but first time poster. I agree with all comments on that kiss with Marsh and Matt. I found myself shuddering and had to look away from the TV. Did anyone else notice that the ABC cameraman panned in on Shayne’s shoes at the end of her one on one with Matt? Too funny.
I have to say that I am pretty impressed with Matt. He seems to be really trying to get to know the girls – and he got rid of the right ones this week for sure. I was not that surpised by Holly not getting the rose, given Matt’s comments on their first date plus what they showed last night. I can’t wait to see who gets picked for the home town dates. I hope Marsh goes home next week. I can’t stand the thought of them kissing again!
After reading Lincee’s fab recap, I had to rewatch part of last night’s episode. Why am I so bothered by Marshana’s indian-inspired garb? Does she have any “normal” evening gowns?
After watching the recap it was a no brainer that kelly and picker went home – i think even Picker knew her days were numbered. I felt a tiny bit sad for her until the producers told her she’d be the next american idol so she dried her tears and started singing.
I have to amend my previous post that matt is just a player – its beginning to look like he is in it for love: he kept all the quality girls.
was kelli drunk 24/7?
did anyone else notice that robin said ‘wimbleton’ instead of ‘wimbledon’?
lincee- great recap as always. Gotta love Chris’s very dramatic “whose dreams of marrying an English gentleman will be CRUSHED FOREVER…” Did anyone else notice that Robin borrowed the Queen’s crown jewels for the rose ceremony? Ahhh. Maybe it was part of Marshana’s new line…. Also, I completely loved it when Ash said in her exit interview that he didn’t see her as “more than just a songwriter.” BWA-ha-ha-ha.
Yes, Kelly #60! I noticed “Wimbleton” too! Robin is awful. Can’t stand her. But then I never liked DeAHHHHna, either.
I’m thinking Matt wanted to send both Holly *and* Marshana home after the 2-on-1 date, but he had a rose, so he had to give it to one of them. Marshana is definitely a plant by ABC — she is nasty, rude, and just generally unlikeable — there is no way Matt is truly interested in her. Her brain is slightly more developed than Holly’s, so he kept her. She’ll be gone next week though. Ugh.
I admit I was shocked that Holly went home. Mostly because there seemed to be zero chemistry with Marshana. Did anyone else notice that they replayed that same exact 1 kiss again at the end? I think thats the only time their lips met. I think he was ready to toss them both and the producers asked him to keep the lady who could stir up more drama.
So happy with the two who got the boot this week. Ashlee was just painful to watch… but the same can be said for Kelly too! haha! I must say that Matty grew on me a bit this week. He seemed a bit more interested in the women and had some more substance. I agree with those who called Noelle the dark horse. She’s got something going that we are not seeing. I’m voting Noelle & Amanda for the final two… although Shayne will probably be in there.
GREATEST moment of the night was at the end during outtakes when meeps was making fun of Matty for dancing like an idiot. She gives the rose back and fake cries…..she’s totally top 3, with Shayne and ?
I love it that Matty’s face turns red, you can obviously see when he gets embarrassed by these girls!
SPANX ALERT! Was it my imagination or did picker/giggles show her Spanx on her one-on-one time with Matty?
Lincee….you are getting me in soooooo much trouble at work….but I can’t wait until I get home at night. Keep it up, girlfriend!!
Couple of comments re: Holly. She seemed like a nice girl, so I do kinda feel for her. It can be hard to think on your feet and come up with something on the spot, and I imagine that feeling is compounded if you have a camera in your face. I guess we’ll never know. We’ll also never know how she fit that ginormous spray tanner in two Vera Bradley bags.
Does Robin remind anyone else of Toni on Paradise Hotel?
I think Kelly deciding to show the “girls” was her “Deer caught in the headlights” moment…the look on her face just before she did looked like sheer panic that she was out of ideas and had to break the awkwardness so she decided to do the only thing she could think of! Which only led to more awkwardness! And did anyone else notice when she was covering them back up she about fell off the couch and kicked the coffee table?! I laughed so hard my husband made me rewind so he could see it!
That was one of the best episodes ever – and an even better recap! I thought the kiss was very awkward too – but not from Marshana, from Matty! He just looked weird going in for the kiss, like his heart really wasn’t in it. I loved the bit before the commercial with Meeps and the *shut up!*, *sorry!* I am definitely pulling for her – the bit at the end with she and Chelsea was great too. My husband and I rewound the scene with Kelly’s big “debut” about five times, but we still couldn’t figure out what she said as she flashed him. The way she was acting, and the way she sounded to me wasn’t just drunkeness – she honestly sounded like she was high.
“If I was a dude, I’d date me!”
PLEASE – What is wrong with Robin’s voice?????
#65- YES I think you are correct- I saw something too- but wasn’t 100% sure if that’s what it was or if it was some boy shorts showing (why on Earth would she need spanx)?
I love everyones comments! makes the show even better! I’ve started saving the showing so I can go back and view the topics that everyone points out!
Agreed- Marshana is a plant- she’s bound to be on Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, or that awful Italian guys show next! She’s got the Z snap down and I think we’ll see it next week with Chelsea. I’d bet money on Chelsea if they throw down!
yes, emily #68, i saw that too!
also, at the rose ceremony she stood sideways kept doing the whole, ‘flutter eyes toward chest (remember these?!?), flutter them up to meet matt’s eyes (i’ve got nice boobs, i deserve a rose!)’ thing.
robin’s jewels at the rose ceremony were really weird. she got a flash of an evil look of satisfaction across her face when he called her name. she kinda scares me.
Yes Kelly #72, I think Robin has some crazy in her too!
And all time classic Bachelorette line from our drunk girl Kelly “If I were a Dude, I’d date me!” Thanks for reminding us Jenna #69!
i really like these recaps and comments, but doesn’t it seem like an awful lot of hatred toward marshana for seemingly no reason (not to mention thinking she’s nasty and commenting on her lips)? smells like latent racism to me. i always feel sorry for the ethnic girls on the show…they almost never get love from the bachelor’s and it looks like they get no love from the audience either. sad.
first of all the racism comment is ridiculous. this is the bachelor bog for gods sake. marshawna is annoying. the stuff she wears is annoying. the stuff she says is annoying. the way she acts is annoying. she is annoying. i am pretty sure i read a lot of bashing about shayne, robyn, kelly, ashley… etc. we make fun of all of them. again, this is the freaking bachelor recap website. lighten the heck up.
i think “hatred” is a little dramatic. every person on the show, matt included, has been ridiculed and had comments made about them. that is kind of the point. it is funny! jeez!
It’s unfortunate when any negative comment about the individual who, in this case, is african american, is viewed as racist. The comments here regarding Marshana (and everyone else, for that matter) refer to their behavior, manners, etc. I am turned off by the lack of physical chemistry I see between Matt and Marshana, and by her general attitude, and frankly couldn’t give a fuzzy rat’s patoot what color her skin is. I’d feel the same way under any circumstance, and by and large believe most of the people posting here feel the same. Do us all a favor and don’t add layers of drama to what is meant to be fun!
WELL SAID MELISSA! fuzzy rat’s patoot! hilarious. people ar unbelievalbe. always trying to creat drama. one of the reasons we hate most of the girls.
i really hope that’s the last of negative comments we see on here. i knew it would happen eventually, but lets put an end to it as of……….NOW
Calling the comments racist is a little dramatic, don’t you think? I didn’t see one comment on her skin color… maybe the color of her dress, but come on… that is fair game on this blog!! Don’t take it there. I think people dislike her because of the way she has come across on this show.
Long time reader (from the email days), first time commenter:
Kelly’s “I’d date me” made me immediately think of the “I’d **** me” line from Silence of the Lambs. Anyone else??
And Robin is a Chi O? I’m about to walk to HQ and turn in my badge!
I really loved when Shayne confronted Robyn, and when Robyn started crying Shayne said ‘why are you crying dear?’. Shayne is comfortable around the other women, but can totally call someone out and put them down in a sophisticated way. She’s not the ultimate one for Matt (go Amanda) but I am liking her a lot more.
And twice now, Kelly made some comments and had some behaviours that remind me of lesbians I know who came out a little later in life. Not that she is one (and not that there’s anything wrong with that!) but even Matt noticed that she was more into the girls than him.
Random thoughts…
First of all, Lincee, I LOVE all of your 80′s references–the bedazzler, the caboodle, and “tune in Tokyo” (thanks for the explanation, #41 AB!)
I had been waiting for the “racism” charges to start–at least we got to around 72 comments before it happened. Nothing racist about it, Marsh is just a freak! So is Kelly! So were all the singers/clarinet players, etc! Marshana IS a pretty girl, I’m just not seein’ it.
And last, I’m late to the party with this comment, but so glad Lincee mentioned it LAST week: Matty pulling Holly to him in the hot tub was THE cutest, most romantic thing EVER in bachelor history. Proof that romance knows no age–I’m 53, and I melted!
Thanks always to Lincee for the recaps and to everyone for the hilarious comments! Such great fun!
I’m a chi-o too and was horrified to hear she was one too! Glad I am not the only one…
I just couldn’t put my finger on it, but BINGO Shelley. Robin has a lesbian vibe to me too … not that I am criticizing but she did look a bit masculine in that tennis outfit. Speaking of outfits … what is up with Marshana and the Hindu ensembles ? Again … not that I am criticizing. If she is Hindu, why not a red dot on her forehead instead of that huge pear shaped fake diamond ? And what was that glittery thing woven into her scalp/part ? Shayne, dear, I love the way she handled Robin and the tears. And her 12 back handsprings across the lawn were priceless.
Great recap! Right on sister!
I disliked Shayne a little less after this episode…that scares me. I couldn’t stand the way Picker was gasping during her goodbye, it was like she wanted to cry and seem really upset but she couldn’t make the tears come. Marshana’s rose ceremony outfits have got to go!
Considering Kristine didn’t talk at all during the show, it’s ironic that she wasted no time talking to the local paper in Charlotte.
http://www.charlotte.com/454/story/573833.html
My favorite moment of this week’s episode is right at the end of the rose ceremony when Chris is announcing the final rose and Matt is studying his palm. It REALLY looks like he’s reading the names of who to pick off of his hand.
Now that’s true love!!
Hey Thanks #88/Sue, shes a nut~ Whaaa Whaaa having to buy your own dresses! The shame ABC! Put them up in a mansion for weeks with make-up/hair artists, groceries, booze, pool, hot tub.. I could go on and on.. Whaa!
Last night Chelsea Handler (on her program Chelsea Lately) made HUGE fun of ol’ Off-Key with her singing. Classic!
I have a funny feeling that Noelle is going to go far. She hasn’t had much face time, but he seems intrigued by that. She also seems like a genuinely nice person. Though, I have to say, Shayne is sort of growing on me. I couldn’t stand her at first, but I’m definitely warming up to her.
Interesting excerpt from Chelsea’s article:
“In a scene that didn’t make the show, she let Matt know they probably weren’t well matched…’He’s a really great person. … In the grand scheme of things, when I looked down the road, it wasn’t realistic for me to be dating this guy and getting engaged. It just wasn’t going to happen.’ ”
If this is true, why was she crying at the end of the rose ceremony?
AH HA!! courtesy of dvr and closed captioning… according to my TV Kelly said:
“Notice they’re very nice. I have very large breasts.”
How could she not see the giant red flashing “WARNING WARNING” when he was saying, “I feel like the stuffy Brit around you.”
Lindsay–LOVE your blogs.
THANK YOU!!
Good call, Aggie!!
Um, read post #54.
Thanks anyway.
Ok, I HAVE got to point this out… from scenes from next weeks episodes, are we tuning into Flavor of Love featuring Marsh??? I mean, come on, I haven’t seen so much finger snappin’, head rolling, talkin’ to the hand motioning since Flavour of Love…I know I am not the onlyu one noticing this, just the only one pointing it out…
Wait a sec…did Amanda’s mom really rub her hand across matt’s chest in next week’s previews? I swear I heard him say “those are my nipples”. Can’t wait for the recap!!
Ding! Dong! The witch is dead! Adios Robin!
im telling you matt is a genius. he seems to be a good judge of character and to be taking this seriously. i love shayne. saying “darling” to marshana. priceless! she is a trip. i really didnt like her at first but how can you not laugh when she pulls out a blush brush while on her butt in the snow while snowboarding. hilarious! cant wait to see pops next week.
It is just me or is Shayne just adorable? I am starting to really like her…And, I am so glad Robin is out – what was with her “French” farewell and devil stare…crazy! And, yes, I believe Meeps mom was feelin up Matty and he did say – those are my nipples. I am not liking Meeps anymore – boring! Plus she is losing her appeal daily…what is with her hair! Chelsea – whiny and not into Matt – at least from what I can tell. Noelle – maybe…is she the “dark” horse! I can’t wait for the recap!!!!
hilarious as usual!
but the girls were not saying picker was wearing a regular bra under her sports bra — she was wearing a PUSH UP BRA! and the girls were like “WTF??” Just like I was LOL
picker was horrific. i always had to ff thru her. and sorry she CANNOT sing worth a damn. ugh!
i think he picks shayne, who is totally wrong for him, and they will be broken up by the time the final show airs!
i was just looking at the bacherlorette pics on the abc website and um… did anyone but me notice that chelsea kinda looks like a man in drag? (she’s not the only one either, check out devon and erin s. too)
I like matt, he’s the only reason i watch
Add A Comment