I’m not completely out of touch with pop culture. I am aware of Lauren Conrad and her ongoing spat with Heidi and Spencer. Truth be told, I do not know why they are in a fight and apparently “hate” each other, but that’s neither here nor there and I really could care less about it at this point.
I’m starting fresh, moving on and writing my first BETA recap of The Hills today because that’s what “the people” wanted according to the poll.
With that said, let it be known that I have never once seen this show. I did watch one season of Laguna Beach when it was all about Kristin, Steven, LC, Talan, Dieter, Kelan, Jessica and obnoxious Jason. And I will say that it took me a few seconds to realize that LC is in fact Lauren Conrad.
Ah…a spin-off. Good to know. She’s my girl from the REAL Orange County.
Orange County. The OC. I miss Seth.
Anyway, since I’m not familiar with the show or its characters, it was too boring to write a recap. None of my thoughts flowed together and I can’t seem to make sense of some things. Instead of making you sit through a bunch of paragraphs that will probably put you to sleep faster than the episode did for me last night, I thought I would treat you to a rare glimpse of how I “work” when writing.
Therefore, I’ve decided to compile a list of noteworthy moments from Monday night’s show that stuck in my head as funny, odd, sad or just plain Jim Halpert face worthy. Enjoy.
The Hills
Episode 04.28.08
1. I’m going to call her LC because that’s what I know and am comfortable with. I’m guessing she’s around 23 or 24-years-old. And she’s buying a mansion. In Hollywood. With a guest house. Interesting. I’m digging this LO girl. She thinks that this is a perfect party house. Who cares if it has peeling paint and a gas leek…it’s got a great place to put the wet bar out back. FIERCE!
2. Oh…I love Natasha Bedingfield and the song “Unwritten.” Sort of makes me die on the inside a little bit that it’s the theme song of this show.
3. Already a house warming party? Do they have furniture? Maybe it doesn’t matter because there’s the big red “X” that marks the designated place for the keg by the tree. Young rich kids don’t need furniture I guess. Man. They talk a lot with food in their mouth. I guess time is money. Keep the conversation flowing. What’s this? A secret date with Stephen? I know him! He was Kristin’s boyfriend back in the original real OC days at Laguna. LO asks if he and LC are hanging out again. LC gives a sly grin and says that she never really stopped liking him.
Best line of the night by LO: “Oh! That melts my little black heart!”
Loving this girl.
4. Look. Another coffee house. It’s Spencer and his sister Stephanie. She orders a Chi Bola. Makes me think of Rocky, but whatever. Spence is complaining that he has the flu. Steph tells her bro that LC has invited her to a party. Spenc gets pissy and asks about family loyalty. He either needs to grow the beard or not. Pick one dude. Steph is complaining about how he became best friends with her ex-boyfriend and that this is the same. Spece says that he was not a boyfriend because she only went to semi-formal with him.
What the crap is a semi-formal? Do girls where corsages, sparkly strappy high heel shoes and qinceañera buns intertwined with baby’s breath while dawning business causal suits? I’m confused. Must be a real OC thing that I wouldn’t understand. Spence tells her that he is DONE and asks her to leave. The public coffee place. Like he owns the joint. She wants to discuss this situation like grown-ups. She is 20 after all. He wants to continue to be a wuss and stalks out with his germy Ozarka bottled water. It appeared VERY scripted to me.
5. LC wants to know if they have a pretty bowl for all the limes. LO reminds her that they are rich 20-somethings. When are they EVER going to use the kitchen when there are boys to take them to dinner and girlfriends to meet for lunch? HELLO! Then LO ponders if the neighbors have seen her naked yet. YET.
6. The three “friends” start talking about the boys they’ve invited to their party and the list is rattled off. Some dude named Justin was mentioned and a weird silence covered the group. Not sure what this is about, but the subject was changed to someone wearing a cowboy hat. LC says that she invited Stephen and Audrina asks if she invited him as a friend. LC says, “Don’t get all ninth grade on me.” Yeah. That was like three years ago.
7. Huh. There’s still a Real World on MTV? Wow.
8. Brody enters the party and gives them a juicer as a house warming gift. That was nice. Too bad LC is a little on the snotty side and tells him that they already have two. It’s called being a gracious hostess LC. I know your Mama or your nanny taught you better. We meet Brody’s girlfriend Cora. Nice look LC. I’m assuming they dated before?
9. Oh no. No, no, no. Is Heidi wearing black leather tights? Is this something that she’s trying to introduce to young impressionable girls? They are not ready Heidi. Fashions in the ‘80s were tough. It takes a special generation to pull off anything that remotely resembles pleather, hyper GLO or gloves without fingers. Just don’t go there.
Steph is picking her words carefully, trying to tell her that she’s going to attend LC’s party. Heidi exclaims, “You’re kidding!” Steph says, “I thought you would be cool with this. Now you are making me feel guilty.” Heidi then goes on to say that if she feels guilty, she knows she’s doing something wrong. “Where’s your loyalty?” Looks like Spencer gave her a head’s up about this party and told her EXACTLY what she needed to say when his traitorous sister showed up at her door. Heidi says that Steph needs to quit keeping secrets. Um. Hello Heidi? This is not a secret. She’s telling you that she was thinking about going. Nothing shady about this. It’s straight up honesty. Stephanie agrees with me and tells Heidi that this is so middle school. THANK YOU. I’M DYING HERE. Then she says that she won’t go and wants to watch a movie with Heidi. Maybe Flashdance or Electric Boogaloo in honor of Heidi’s pants.
10. Stephen shows up with a bag of bread as his housewarming gift. He must be from the other side of the tracks in the real OC. There’s that “Keep Bleeding” song. It seems to follow me wherever I go. LO tells LC that Brody’s girlfriend is pretty. Stephen comes up from behind and scares LO. He’s still cute. Very white teeth. Man…he loves his gum. LC shows Stephen something she is very proud of: a blooming flower on a vine. She’s proud because she personally picked the gardener and he does a great job. Still chomping gum. Nervous much Stephen?
11. Who’s this Justin fellow? What a cool Beverly Hills thug. He makes the rich kids uncomfortable even though he probably purchased his entire outfit from a store on Rodeo Drive. Oh! He touched the tiki torch fire. He’s a rebel. He’s in the mini mansion with Audrina. What are the black feathers around his face? Some weird pillow? They are talking about getting back together. Audrina’s shirt doesn’t have a back to it.
12. Steph is breaking the family loyalty rules and talking to LC at fashion school. I think I should braid my bangs and hold the end with a bobby pin. LC feels bad for getting Steph in trouble with her annoying brother and equally annoying girlfriend. She tells Steph that she’s going out with Stephen.
13. LC tells LO she is in the bathroom “doing makeups?” Interesting. She’s wearing a toga dress that she made herself at fashion school.
14. They leave for their date and go to a fancy restaurant. Here we are eating again. Talking with our mouths full again. Lots of discussion about how their parents like the other one. Stephen wonders why people can’t just see that they are good friends and this is strictly plutonic. Cuts a glance at LC. That was a test my friend. He’s unsure if you want to be more because of your recent success. She agrees that they will always be friends. BOOYAH!
15. One puff of wind and I’ll see her panties if she’s not careful. They reminisce about high school curfews. Really? People think this is interesting information? He talks about how he never drove his Toyota crazy because he had precious cargo. He looks to see if she thinks he is adorable. She does. They shake hands and she gets out of the car to go eat ice cream with LO who says that her dream is for them to one day work everything out and get married.
16. Closing credits.
It’s going to be a long season. Thank goodness Spencer’s a tool.