I’d like to begin this recap with a thank you to everyone who sent well wishes for my week at the Offshore Technology Conference. It went well. We rejoice in the fact that it’s another 365 days before we have to do this all over again. Whoo hoo!!!
On with the recrap.
The Hills
Episode Air Date: 05.05.08
LC’s voiceover tells us that the new mansion is creating distance between her and Audrina. It’s just too much trouble walking all the way out of her huge bedroom and down the long hallway to the staircase and through the library, dining room, kitchen, sitting room and TV room to the backyard and across the BBQ pit area, pool, smaller pool, four-car garage and Zen garden to the guest house where Audrina stays. Bless their hearts. Thank goodness for texting.
LC’s voice also tells us that Heidi has had it with Spencer. She is ready to take control of the rest of her life. We see her marching into the office of her boss, closing the door (because the cameras were on the INSIDE) and asking for a private conversation.
What the crap Heidi? At least try to be somewhat honest with the situation you are in that pays you a lot of money for just following you around all day. Since when do “private” conversations occur with millions of MTV-Hills-loving-teens (or 30 somethings) watching? I laugh.
Heidi says that she is interesting in traveling or relocating. She wants to get her hands in there and is adamant in letting her boss know she is available. Her boss picks up the script his PR person wrote for him and tells Heidi that every part of their business is expanding across the country. They need the help because they are so successful. It’s ridiculous how much their company is growing and the buzz surrounding them is palpable. He rolls his eyes and puts the paper down. Heidi stares at him. He stares back.
Meanwhile, LC and Lo are laying out by the pool in her terrycloth dresses, head scarves and sunglasses. They talk about how they never see Audrina and text her to come out by the pool, even though her mini mansion is 12 steps away. She comes out looking tired and stares at them. They stare back. She stares again. Lo texts. Audrina finds her words and says that she can’t lay out because she has to go to work at the studio because some band is recording their new album. She has to make sure everything is taken care of. But she does invite the girls to drop by. LC stares. Lo texts. Audrina stares. Lo looks up and stares. LC says that it would be fun to be a groupie for a day and asks Audrina to text them the address. She says they can do dinner afterwards. Audrina has some sort of smiling emotion and heads back to the mini mansion. Lo says she would rather shop than anything else.
Back at the Bolthouse Offices in Hollywood, Heidi tells her co-worker Kimberly that Brent (boss) wants her to be project manager.
Interesting. I never heard that title uttered once in the office. In fact, there was a heck of a lot of staring. Little talking. I’m finding this is a theme of this show.
So Heidi is babbling on about Brent and being a project manager. Kimberly seems awfully surprised. And when Heidi announces that he wants her to go to Vegas, she can’t help but blurt out, “Really?”
Heidi looks a bit offended while she’s starring and tells her that it might be a three to four months project. She says that is up for the challenge and is excited to leave for a couple of days so she can clear her head. Kimberly asks what Spencer is going to say. Heidi says she doesn’t care.
Back at Pulse Studios, Audrina and her coworker Chiara are checking out the sounds of a Daughtry lookalike band called Alkaline Trio. LC and Lo enter the sound booth. Lo is mesmerized by all of the buttons and asks the technician if she can flip a few switches. No one laughed but me. She returns to her phone to text the world. I’m sure you will get one from her one day.
Audrina asks if LC likes the band. She stares. Audrina stares back. Lo texts. Audrina asks again if they like the band. LC says yes. Audrina stares. Chiara gives a look. LC stares. Audrina stares. Lo looks up and says she’s hungry in a baby voice.
LC asks Audrina if she wants to go eat sushi. Audrina stares. She finds her words and says that she has to stay and work. LC and Lo yell to the band (who can’t hear them) that they did a good job and leave. Chiara thinks Audrina’s friends are rude because they only stayed five minutes. LC and Lo think Audrina is rude for not coming with them for roommate dinner. Lincee thinks they are spoiled for thinking she can just leave her job while she is clearly “working.”
The girls go to Luckyfish and I think I might throw up. It’s a bunch of raw fish floating around on conveyer belts for you to grab and eat. Disgusting. They discuss Audrina between stares and talk about how they felt she wanted them to stay the whole time. Lo said she’s not cool enough to hang with bands as she texts someone. LC thinks the best thing to show Audrina she cares is to make her sign for her mini mansion that says Château Audrina. Yes. That’s it. Something this little rich girl doesn’t have. A sign for her mansion. Perfect!
Heidi gets a visit from Stephanie while cleaning her apartment. She tells her that she has a really big job opportunity that involves traveling a lot. Brent and Sam what to make her a project manager in Vegas and she is excited about clearing her head.
“You are going to Sin City to clear your head? I can’t believe you are saying this right now. If you leave, I’ll never get rid of Spencer.”
Heidi retorts:
“You can’t tell him. This is none of his business.”
Oh wow. A dramatic moment.
LC and Lo rescue a dog with pretty blue eyes. Audrina enters the big mansion and immediately sits down to play with the puppy. There is a lot of starring and weird looks. Lo says that she hopes none of the other dogs make fun of Chloe when in puppy daycare because she has two Moms. This makes Audrina feel bad because she’s not considered a Mommy of the dog. She stares for a minute and then decides to leave.
Spencer’s sister Stephanie is fed up with her pig-of-a-brother. He leaves the coffee creamer out and doesn’t tie the bread back up when he’s finished making a sandwich while the maid is away picking up laundry. She says he HAS to move out.
“I don’t want you controlling my life. This is my space and you are invading it.”
Spencer kicks in wuss mode and responds:
“I can’t wait to leave your life. You hang out with LC and I think that is pathetic. I’m not listening to you…la, la, la, la, la, la, go away.”
Oh no he didn’t. This is HER house dude. It’s time to grow up. And while you’re at it, grow a real beard man.
Audrina’s brooding boyfriend convinces her that it’s okay to enter the big mansion in order to make him some breakfast. Audrina is confused because she only goes out to eat and is unsure if they have things like eggs, milk, pots, pans, etc. Brooding Justin asks if she ever comes in this house and she answers that it’s too much of a hassle with LC and Lo all the way upstairs. It would take her, like, ten minutes to get there. It’s easier since they don’t share clothes or makeup. She’ll just text them. Or ignore.
It’s now when I notice the ginormous tat on the back of Audrina’s neck.
Justin tells her that she should be treated with respect and encourages her to start looking for another place. He thinks they should check some places out together.
Yeah. Like checking out his pants. I’m just saying.
Heidi arrives at the airport in a limo and boards a fancy plane with her jabroni bosses. One asks why she is able to travel more? She stares. The other boss breaks the silence and says that she broke up with her boyfriend. Jabroni number one asks if he will lose his mind if he knows she went to Vegas without telling him? She stares. He asks, “How old is he?” Heidi finds her words and says that he is 24. Jabroni number two laughs and says that Spencer will definitely lose his mind.
Speaking of, Spencer shows up at Heidi’s apartment and walks in yelling her name. She is nowhere to be found. He texts her and then longingly searches out the window, somewhat happy that he has a place to stay while she’s gone.
Or will he stay?
Next week shows us that he hops a plane to Vegas and interrupts her meal with the jabroni brothers. FIERCE!
I simply can not wait.