Put your collar down dude
Shalom friends! It’s good to be back in the ole U S of A. I had a fabulous time in Israel and really appreciate all the sweet comments of encouragement left on those posts. You guys are amazing and it still floors me that you invest interest in what I’m doing with my life over in this tiny corner of the world. For that…I thank you.
And I thank SOME GUY too! What a great job he did recapping the show. I never once was nervous, leaving this responsibility in his and my webMAN’s hands. In fact, I sort of forgot about Monday. I think I was eating falafel at a road-side restaurant/gas station or was gasping for breath at Masada. Regardless, my point is that I trust them both completely and knew you would be taken care of.
I arrived home around midnight on Monday. Fully expecting to sit and watch the show when I returned to my apartment, I opted to eat Taco Cabana and head to bed. I didn’t even shower. Gross…I know…since I had been on a plane for a million hours. But the exhaustion had finally hit me. Went to work yesterday and walked around like a zombie. Got home yesterday evening, ordered pizza and sat down to enjoy what several people told me was one of the best episodes in a long time. Bring on the crazy! I’m ready!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Spring Oreos or have a Jazzercise instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelors on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
I have to admit, I did not watch last week’s show. I just read SOME GUY’S recap. There are two things that immediately catch my attention:
1. Our Host Chris Harrison is calling the shack down the driveway, the outhouse. Love it.
2. DOJO got his hair cut. I know SG said that Soul Patch Ron probably brought his scissors and did a little trim-trim on all the boys, but the removal of DOJO’s mullet has GOT to be the best makeover this show has seen in its history. I can’t seem to not write down the words, “his hair is SO much better” in my notes. Night and day, dude. Night and day.
SING FOR THE MOMENT
Our Host drags the mansion boys, Chef Robert, Jason and ChicAHgo Fred down to the outhouse with the other boys. He explains that there is a one-on-one date up for grabs and the men will have to compete to earn the chance for alone time with DDAHnna. The game? Write and perform an original song in front of DDAHnna and the rest of the group. They have one hour to create their masterpiece.
Oye vey.
This was just torturous. I understand the pull to be competitive in this show, but these guys were awful. Jesse wanted to punch Chris Harrison in the tooth for suggesting such a challenge. DOJO would rather dig his own grave. Even though it would mess up his rockin’ new do. Graham begins writing a book and ChicAHgo Fred wonders if everyone is going to compose four verses and a refrain.
What?
Yo Chef. Put your collar down and take that cowboy hat off. You look ridiculous.
Bless Beefcake Brian’s heart. He tells the camera he enjoys writing and conveying his love to someone.
ChicAHgo Fred is up first. After uttering, “Oh…may…Gahd” to the camera, he asks the group to start a slow clap:
“The Bachelor season is here again
Deanna Pappas is searching for a husband
Putting her heart on the line
To find a man that’s funny and fine
She’s opening her heart and soul
If I see those pigtails I might lose control
Most important for D to get
Is that I’m here for her heart with no regrets”
Wow. We’ve really just gone there.
Graham says he would rather eat glass than sing, and opts for humor instead of melody. Chef Robert (put your collar down dude) tries a little country twang. Twilley, of course, performs a dramatic prose that lasted ten minutes. Jeremy raps. DOJO is beyond description, but his hair looks great. Jason talks like a robot. And Jesse gets down on one knee and does that weird half talk half sing number.
And then it’s Beefcake’s turn. Poor Beefcake.
He hoists all 300 pounds of himself on the pool table, takes a few cleansing breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth) and begins talking about the house of his pain. Oh dear. Not good. He’s taking it so serious! I, however, am embarrassed and peek out from behind my couch pillow to see DDAHnna turning red too. STOP IT BEEFCAKE! The other guys are laughing at him and trying to stifle giggles with their hands. Beefcake has no clue and continues to turn his soliloquy into a light metal version of something Poison would play on their reunion tour. Alas…there was no air guitar.
DDAHnna decides to pick Jesse because he put himself out there and actually made contact with her by holding her hand. He later receives his date box and learns that they will be going to a fancy dinner. Poor Jesse feels awkward about something so formal and decides that he will just be himself and wear his jeans and “RELAX” t-shirt with florescent shoes.
DDAHnna has something else in mind and arranges for Hugo Boss to deliver a suit to his outhouse door. Hot Graham, sans shirt thank you Lord Jesus, retrieves the garment and delivers to Jesse. He looks as if he is going to throw up in this penguin getup, but presses on.
DDAHnna tells the camera that she wants to find out if Jesse is husband material. Meanwhile, Jeremy is teaching Jesse proper etiquette on how to button his jacket. “Never the bottom. Always the middle.”
The guys agree that Jess has never looked better and conclude that DDAHnna will probably be smoking hot as well. She enters the outhouse with a blue dress that accentuates her boobs and butt. The boys swoon.
They go to a theater that has a special message to Jesse on the marquee: “One Night Only…Just for you Jesse…Love Deanna.” He’s super impressed and intimidated at the same time. DD encourages him to take the stage and perform his song again. That’s just mean. Didn’t we do this four seasons ago on another Bachelor? And he dumped her after taking back the borrowed diamond necklace?
At dinner, DDAHnna is ready to get down to business and see what is beyond the fun side of Jesse. She asked if he cheated. He said no. She asked if he was stubborn. He said for sure. Then she was super polite in telling him that he’s not normally someone she is attracted to, but she thinks he is a real, cool dude.
Nice D. Want to go ahead and give him the “Let’s be friends” speech while you are at it? Geez.
Jesse toasts the relationship and basically asks in a nice way if he can have the rose. She gives it to him without hesitation and tells the camera that something inside grows stronger and stronger every time they talk. Then she asks if he will accept the rose in her best baby voice. He accepts.
The curtains rise behind them and there stands Natasha Bedingfield…love her. Sweet Jesse invites her to dance (swoon!) and tells the camera that it feels like she is the only woman in the world.
START YOUR ENGINES
Brian, Twilley, DOJO, Jeremy, Graham and Jason go on the group date with DDAHnna. They will be driving stock cars and DOJO, with his awesome hair, is stoked because he always races with his Kentucky buddies back home.
Brian is first. Bless his heart, he’s scared and tells the camera that he’s going to have to put his fears behind him and drive fast.
Couple of notches down the cool ladder my friend.
To make matters worse, he can’t seem to make the car go. Popping the clutch seems problematic and his sheer size makes maneuvering a challenge. But he tops out at a respectable 140 mph.
Jason is nervous around corners and only gets 138 mph.
Graham, who doesn’t even own a car, drives 136.
Jeremy is the lowest with 129 and complains to the pit crew that he knows he topped 150. He has to check his competitive attitude before DDAHnna finds out that he has control issues.
Twill admits that he gets motion sickness and is terrified of going over speed limit. Ironically, dude drives 140.59 and the look on DDAHnna’s face is priceless when she realizes he is in first place.
But DOJO drops the hammer and wins with a speed of 141. She pours champagne on his new cool hair (which looks good wet) and they go sit infield to discuss the irony of racing cars and the race for DDAHnna’s heart. DOJO admits that winning has boosted his confidence and tries to make some weird blue grass connection that no one else can share. Then he straight up tells her she is a redneck and she gives him the evil eye. He tries to back peddle, but she’s still not happy to be the butt of a “Here’s Your Sign” joke. To make matters worse, he decides to call her Baby for the remainder of the episode.
Back on the track, DDAHnna gets in the car and outdrives all of the boys with a speed of 141.6. The guys think that she is sexy and fearless. DOJO is in love.
Since it’s been five minutes since Jeremy talked to DD, he embraces his competitive spirit and whisks her away for some alone time on the buss. He is not going to sit back and let someone else take his spot. He tells her that he misses her and she assures him she thinks about him all the time.
Brian thinks Jeremy feels threatened because she’s getting to know everyone else too. Twill tells the story about the tortoise and the hare. I know. Random.
Graham steals her away from Jeremy. She admits to the camera that she is really attracted to him. Jason notices their close body language.
Right off the bat, DD is concerned for Graham and asks how he is doing. He says he is doing his best as the camera gets a tight shot of her scratching his arm hair. Then she asks, “You are going to kiss me, right?”
And home boy says that he doesn’t want to be “one of a bunch” who kisses her.
Words can not describe the anger that flashed through her eyes and the amount of blinks in less than 10 seconds. He mumbles on about being different from the rest and finally gets a clue that she is no longer scratching his arm and has taken a bit of a defensive pose with pursed lips and crossed arms. Genius asks if she’s mad.
D: “I’m not mad. I’m hurt.”
G: “Why?”
D: “Because.”
L: That’s mature.
G: “Well now you know what I’m feeling.”
D: “I KNOW EXCACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME. YOU CAN’T HOLD BACK. I DIDN’T. I’M DYING TO KISS YOU. YOU CAN’T BE LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT TAKES AWAY FROM OUR TIME TOGETHER.”
Graham looks dumbfounded. I can’t tell if this was some weird “does she like me?” strategy or not. DDAHnna tells the camera that it breaks her heart that he’s not putting himself out there.
DDAHnna returns to the group and decides to hand the rose to DOJO. It meant the world to him and he probably went home that night and pressed it between his collection of Muscle Car magazines. Man…his hair looks so much better.
Twill is worried about going home. If only.
Beefcake Brian admits that he feels like he’s on the outside looking in and wonders if DDAHnna will ever see him for who he truly is. Lincee wonders why there is a fork in his drink.
Back at the mansion, Chef and ChicAHgo Fred receive their date card that announces there will be a recipe for love the next night. Poor Fred is sulking because he’s pretty sure Chef is going to come out a winner on this date. Chef says that he will be smooth, rich and succulent with DDAHnna and it’s all going to come down to the kiss. He believes she won’t kiss both guys on the date, and the one she DOES kiss will get the rose.
But before we reach that date, which happened to be the most dramatic two-on-one in BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE history, let’s go down to the outhouse and see what the other boys are doing.
We begin with a simple statement from Jesse: “I’m tired of sitting around this place. We should throw a party.”
Let’s just go ahead and give kudos where kudos are due. Our poor ABC intern must have booked it down to the nearest Dollar Store and purchased all the necessities for a white trash outhouse party. Out of nowhere, we had plastic chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, makeshift washers made out of rocks and plastic cups, a blow up kiddie pool and coolers full of beer. They even find a dry erase board and invite the three mansion guys down for some fun in the sun.
DDAHnna answers the door and decides it’s best that they all put on clothes (dig to Chef who was in a towel) and go down to the outhouse. She brings a football with her.
The mansion boys are pretty ticked that they don’t have quality time with D. Put your collar down Chef. They are also irritated that the outhouse boys set a children’s table up for them for lunch. Calm and collected Chef chooses to hurl his red child chair into a near by bush.
DD said the party was weird and awkward from the start:
“Brian is content with the boys. DOJO is turning back to his old ways. Chef is brooding by himself, Graham is ignoring me and Twill is just being Twill in the corner. I’m so disappointed.”
She finally asks someone where Chef has wandered off to and is upset to learn that he is inside. OH NO HE ISN’T! She marches into the outhouse and demands to know why he’s being such a little wuss. He gives some lame story about how someone told him that she already has her top three picked out. She asks him to put his collar down. Then he admits that he’s getting emotionally attached and doesn’t want to go into tonight’s date with the mindset that he would get a rose.
DD grabs him by the ear and pulls him out into the front yard. Now she’s crying.
“I should be the happiest person in world and you all are breaking my heart. Do you feel good about that? I came down here to hang out. Stop twirling in the corner Twilley. If you don’t want to be here then go home. I know what you’ve all gone though. Brian, I know you are writing another song in your head right now. Please stop and just listen to me. I know what you feel. I’m trying to figure it out. If you can’t handle it…go home. Not speaking to just you Chef. Please, PLEASE put your collar down. I’m talking to everyone. I put 100 percent and try my hardest. This is not fair. You are hot Graham. Just kiss me already. I can’t promise the world and not make connections with other guys or kiss other people. When I’m with you, I’m focusing on you. Quit looking at me like I’m a piece of meat DOJO. I’m going to my house now. Stop following me Jason. You stay here and hang out with each other.
Jeremy gives all the boys a lecture and tells them they should be ashamed. Rob pulls his collar tighter around his neck, afraid for the date that night and Fred is confident that he will get a rose.
BYE, BYE, BYE
We find both Fred and Chef packing their suitcases, wondering who will be the lucky one to return to the mansion. Chef has graciously put his collar down, but insists on unbuttoning one too many buttons on the shirt. Pick your battles Lincee. He tells the camera that he’s bringing his “A” game to the table and Fred better beware.
The boys are going to dinner at a mansion in Hollywood hills. Right off the bat when DDAH offers the pair a glass of wine, I can tell that there’s something wrong with this picture. No…it’s not the fact that she had on a gold mesh off-the-shoulder Flashdance shirt. Something else was in the air.
DDAHnna fills the awkward silence at dinner with a simple question. What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a girl?
Chef: “I flew my ex-fiancé to Vegas. We got in a helicopter and watched the sunset on the strip. I then pulled my collar up and showed her all the sights and took her to my favorite hotel where I arranged for five bags of rose petals to be sprinkled on the floor leading to the bed. I’m a love machine you see, so we spent the rest of the night there. It took me six and a half months to pay that off.”
Fred: “I planned a surprise getaway to Lake Geneva. We just talked. My collar was down the whole time.”
The Chef steals DDAHnna away for some alone time. In his world, that means revving up the love machine. He straight up tells her that passion can be felt on the first kiss. She gives him a blank stare. He asks if he can kiss her. She insists he plant one on her cheek.
I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. Oh how sad. On national TV too. Ouch. That’s got to hurt. Maybe his mojo is thrown because his collar is down.
DDAHnna asks him how he deals with problems in relationships. He tells her that he talks about them as he unbuttons another button on his shirt. She says that his story is unlikely since earlier in that day she had to come find him and inquire what was wrong. In fact…she had to drag it out of him.
Chef misinterprets this for affection and tells the camera that there is a definite connection between the two that is palpable. They both feel it. In fact, if you looked up rose in the dictionary, you’d see his picture. With the collar up of course.
Later, Fred and DD squish onto a tiny lounge chair out back and talk about how they like being around each other and how he’s fighting for her. She says he is sweet.
Aaannnnnnd there it is. I knew at this point both dudes were toast.
DDAHnna tells the boys that she is going through her own personal struggle because they are both amazing guys even though the Chef wears his collar up. It was a very difficult decision, but she was going to have to send Chef home. She walks him out and says it’s not him…it’s his collar.
The Chef is destroyed. Or maybe he’s just drunk and it’s the bourbon talking. He tells the ABC psychotherapist in the back seat that he is not used to rejection. He embraces this lesson in humility (don’t we all?) but is adamant to let the world know that he still holds the recipe for love. One cup of cockiness, a pinch of salt and a fifth of Jack Daniels should do the trick. As he sits in silence, he brilliantly moves his head to reveal a single tear rolling down his cheek.
Back inside, DDAHnna is mustering up the courage to dump ChicAHgo Fred as well. She says that he is amazing and has a big heart. But she just doesn’t see forever. She doesn’t want to lead him on because he is too good for that. Sweet Fred bids her adieu and wishes her happiness in her journey.
Back at the mansion, the boys see that random dude in black has gathered Chef’s things. They high five each other, proud of themselves that they guessed correctly when they said Fred would get the rose.
Jesse: “Dude! Home boy’s coming back!”
They stand in awe as the man in black with the sweet goatee returns for Fred’s things.
DD is sad because Fred is good person. She’s feeling a bit blue as she walks into the mans. And there’s Jason to comfort her. He insists she goes upstairs to put on something more comfortable and says that he will be poolside with a bottle of wine if she wants to talk about it.
And of course she does. She’s a girl.
They talk, snuggle and make out. Well played Jason. You lucky dog.
ROSE CEREMONY
The next night, Jason picks DDAHnna up for the cocktail party and kisses her square on the lips when she opens her bedroom door. Very intimate.
Jeremy immediately whisks her away and tells her that seeing her upset was torture for him. He apologizes at how the day turned from fun to disastrous and blames all the other boys for making her cry. DDAHnna says she never blamed him and thanks him for putting forth the effort to get to know her better.
It’s Beefcake’s turn next. He holds her hands in a death grip and babbles on about how he is going to get married once. She talks about how she is never going to sleep mad. Not really on the same page here guys.
Twill rambles on about how he is scared and doesn’t know if she sees the real him. Same song, different verse man. She says that if there was not a connection, she would have already sent him home. Nice editing, because I seen nothing more than a goofy guy with his eyes closed half the time.
During Graham’s time, he decides to do everything opposite he did at the race track and asks HER to talk to him. She remains hurt by their conversation and he apologizes. He hopes that she knows how much pain it caused him to see her cry. She says she doesn’t want to be confused as to why he is here. He says simply, “I’m here for you.” DDAHnna begins planning their wedding as they passionately kiss.
In the most unorthodox of all rose ceremonies, DDAHnna decides to break the formal rules and encourages everyone to go get their swim trunks for some fun. Everyone does cannonballs in the pool and plays chicken, fighting to see which head DDAHnna will straddle. Sounds way dirtier than I meant it.
They all squish into the hot tub when Our Host Christ Harrison shows up in his fancy suit and clinks his wine glass. Ironically, he makes them all change back into their suits and DDAHnna is rushed back to hair and makeup before handing out roses. Was this necessary ABC? How funny would it have been to come with towels wrapped around their heads? Missed opportunity for some comic relief. But this is serious stuff. Someone’s future is on the line!
Jesse and DOJO already have their roses. Others are handed out to Jason, Jeremy and Twilley. Say it with me people…what the crap? She gives Graham a warning by issuing him the last rose and then waves goodbye to Beefcake. Didn’t even walk him out to the limo.
Next week we see a lot of making out going on in hot tubs and hammocks. And poor Twilley just needs to be put out of his misery. Am I right readers?
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Bach Intern surely CANT be a real Bach Intern! Love the picking up the turd comment tho! Also, sure sounds like she’s not a fan of ‘ol DD !! More on Princess DD, please!!
ok, great episode and great recap…
am i the first one to catch lincee’s typo calling OHCH Christ Harrison? Hahaha…made me laugh out loud.
In the previews for next week it looks like all six are on the couch when DD doesn’t show so i’m assuming no one goes home early? can’t wait!!
#127 – OHCH had the Designer’s Challenge gig before the Bach show started… that show has been on nearly 10 years, not saying he hosted the whole time, but I know he was on DC before Bach started. Loved him then even, and there wasn’t even a chance for witty banter- he is just likable!!
Alert! Alert!
Just saw on People.com that Matty moved out of Shayne’s to “make his own friends”.
This may be old news to everyone here because I’m usually behind, but thought I’d share.
#151
Just because I am the intern on the bachelorette doesn’t mean I am a female. As a matter of fact, I like girls… just not Princess DD. If you spent 2 hours getting the pH balance in the pool perfect only to have her highness suggest a impromptu pool party, you wouldn’t like her either (oh, and I’m pretty sure Twill pees in the pool.)
Wow, great find on the post for Jason on knot.com – for those of us that want details! What a great proposal, kudos to Jason for imagination. He just moved up a notch on my bach’ette o-meter.
It was a sweet proposal for his first wife. I wonder if he would go all out like that again for the second one?
I wish there were pics on Jason’s knot page. I’m so nosey!
DD needs to take the advice of the “last lecture” guy Randy Pausch (sp?), he was on Oprah. “Ignore what guys say and watch what they DO”. It was advice he gave his young daughters for when they start dating! This one bit of advice could have saved me a couple of really bad experiences!
Doughy, sweaty greasy chef—gah!!! His pasty white hairless chest made me nauseous. I totally get the Jesse thing, and am surprised so few others do…he seems the most fun and real of all those left. Jason is creeping me out with neediness and the “gently positioning the chin” move. Graham is hot in a hair-puller kind of way. Hard to imagine someone being attracted to BOTH Jason the positioner and Graham the hair puller. They are on polar extremes of the sexual tension meter.
May I request a moratorium on the “I spit my (insert beverage here)” comments? It’s getting really old.
Finally, glad to know there are others out there who enjoy this show in the same train wreck fashion I do. It’s similar to my love of pageants, which are simply a train wreck waiting to happen. I can see this group enjoying my Miss America parties, where we bet on the “ponies” and all come as our favorite Miss..i.e. Miss Taken, Miss Tress, Miss Informed, etc.
Did anyone esle notice the knot.com posting is still counting the days they’ve been married? “Newlyweds for 1797 day!” Plus the counter didn’t count leap day of 2004 or 2008…
I think that she totally pulled a “Brad” on Fred. He thought he was getting the rose and then she crushed him. She should have told them both at the same time and spared Fred from thinking he was getting a rose.
I agree. She did Fred bad and though I didn’t find Fred as attractive as I did BRIAN I thought he was super nice.
#137 – Sue: I wonder what OHCH’s opinon of DDah is. Do you think she annoys him as much as she annoys most of us?
My thoughts exactly! When watching the previews for the Tell All next week, I was thinking, OMG he is probably so sick of hearing her whining. I heart OHCH.
Bach Intern – thanks for the laughs on a long Friday! Keep it up!!!
Been meaning to ask this for a while now…didn’t Graham say that he owns some bars? Does anyone know if that’s in NYC or Raleigh? I’m in NYC, curious to know where these bars are…maybe I’ll check them out and see if I can get any scoop!
Sue – there are photos of Jason and his ex-wife on the FORT site.
Also, did anyone notice on knot.com that Bevin was one of the bridesmaids at Jason’s wedding? Nossa was her married name at the time. Perhaps that is his Bachelor/Bachelorette connection.
Did anyone read the guestbook on theknot page? People are being incredibly rude and terrible… taking things a little far I think!
Bachelor Fan- What is the FORTsite? I would like to see photos of Jason’t ex-wife.
Does anyone else think Graham looks like a tall Seth Green?!
#168, here you go: http://www.fansofrealitytv.com/forums/bachelorette-spoilers-speculation/74724-jason-spoilers-22.html
ok so i was reading the guest book and getting horrified at all of the tacky comments but then i noticed something odd. when you create a page on the knot, the first comment is always from the team at the knot wishing you luck.
well look at the date from when the comment from the knot team was posted….january 08. i’m thinking this page is a spoof!?! what do you guys think?
I noticed the book was weird too. It is just very generic where as other pages on the knot have pics and such. Also that is so not Jason on the FORT. I can’t imagine why he would have no hair. If that is him. I like him much better with.
I noticed that about the knot page as well…the first message is from ’08. strange. people need to find better things to do with their time! (like I’m one to talk)
Ya, that pic doesn’t look like Jason at all! Gosh, we are dorks.
Do you all really think DD is so annoying? Some of you are being so hard on her. Everyone thinks she’s so self-centered, but it’s herSELF that she has to consider. Maybe this kind of show would make many of us obsessed and arrogant. I don’t know-she’s not perfect, but she seems like a really sweet person too. Just had to put that out there!
#171 – I noticed that too…the date from the knot’s sig was 2008 which doesn’t make sense.
Yup, I noticed the date from theknot team as well. I thought I’d post that here and see if anyone else caught it. I don’t think that is real…and Bevin being a bridesmaid, that’s out there, huh? Glad everyone is a private investigator and nosey like me!
ROFL! Lincee, one of your BEST ever recaps.
) Welcome back!!!
Hey all. Just in case anyone is still checking these comments, I thought I’d share with you the story of my recent date. Since we’re all fans of The Bachelorette, I thought you might be interested to hear how a single gal’s date goes in the *real* world. So here goes!
It was my first date with Jerry. I got all dolled up and stood on the porch waiting for him to pick me up. He arrived in a limo, of course. The limo paused in my driveway just long enough for Jerry to get out so we could stare at each other from a distance for a few minutes. Then he came up and made me twirl around in my super long dress, but I didn’t find this strange or demeaning at all. From there, we got in the limo and drove to dinner. We called each other “amazing” multiple times and assured one another that this date felt very real and very natural, and, most importantly, that we were both there for the right reasons.
At dinner, we discussed all the normal getting-to-know-you things. For example, I acknowledged that it must be very difficult and challenging for Jerry to come out on this date. I was sure to thank him several times for putting himself out there for me. For his part, Jerry told me I was everything he was looking for in a wife. We both agreed that this absolutely was not a ridiculous thing for someone to say on a first date.
We each drank several glasses of wine, laughing that it was a lucky break we had a limo driver to cart our drunk selves back home at the end of the date. Over a reasonable dinner with a splendid view — oh, did I mention I had arranged for us to dine at the private residence of some really rich family who owned a mansion in the hills? They all had to clear out for the evening, but it was totally worth it — Jerry and I discussed our goals for the future. I told him that I wanted a minimum of 4 children and would accept no less. Since I am already 28 years old, I told him I’d have to start popping out the babies ASAP to meet my life goal. Jerry said that sounded great to him. He certainly didn’t turn white or start making up excuses about how he just got out of a relationship and isn’t quite ready for something serious.
Everything was going really well. The wine kept flowing, almost as if by magic, because my glass kept getting filled up and my plate was cleared away by some mysterious waiter we never even saw. Jerry and I told each other our deepest dreams of relationship and marriage. We did not make the slightest effort to hide the fact that we are quite desperate to pin down something (anything!) that resembles a relationship.
Over the dessert course, however, something went sour for me. I think it might have been the fact that he has a slight Boston accent, or maybe it was that he used the dinner fork for his salad. AllI know is that at that moment, i realized I could never marry him. So I put down my creme brulee spoon and cleared my throat. “Darling,” I announced, “I’m very sorry to say, but I just realized I cannot marry you. It just won’t happen. So I’m afraid it’s in our best interest to end this date right now.” I never even considered that the easiest and most painless way out would be to put on a smile, mask my true feelings, give him the cheek at the end of the date and then never return his calls and manage to avoid seeing him in public ever again.
As I suspected, Jerry appreciated my honesty. He said he was disappointed but he respected my decision because if I was going to have my 4 babies, I was going to need to find the right man immediately. He wished me luck in my journey to find a more suitable mate. In fact, he even mused that perhaps one of his friends would be a better match for me. All in all, Jerry was very classy about the whole situation. I think maybe he was just relieved that we didn’t happen to be taking a horse carriage ride through the city when I had my revelation, because then I would have been forced to literally kick him to the curb.
He took my hand and walked me outside, where fortunately a second limo had pulled up so we wouldn’t have to endure the embarrassment of leaving together. We hugged goodbye and I sobbed onto his collar for a while, which fortunately was popped up to better catch my tears. I told him it was an excellent first date, really top notch, and I was sorry that I had only fallen half in love with him instead of the whole way. He patted my back and told me life would go on and that until his dying day, his final and enduring wish would be for me to find my love and happiness and have my 4 babies.
So that was my date with Jerry. It was a tremendous learning experience, even though he broke my heart. But I guess that’s what happens when you put your whole heart into things.
pretty funny single ‘n sassy – well done. Can’t believe we all watch this cr*p!!
So I just read the recap and it’s Friday – there are 179 posts ahead of me and I can’t take the time to read them all so excuse me if someone else has already made this suggestion. I really think Fred should be the next Bachelor (kind of like the Bachelor Bob days … although I think he changed when he became the bachelor). I think Fred is pretty much what every regular girl is looking for – funny (we all list that first when asked what we want in a guy … admit it), lawyer (secure job) and he’s cute in a Fred sort of way. It would be refreshing b/c I truly believe he’d pick a girl and stay with her, unlike all the other jerks who break up with the girl when they get famous and hit on by skanky reality fan groupies.
So here is my motion to make Fred the next Bachelor! Anyone second the motion?
Fred would be good but alot of people think that Brian would be good too. He isnt a lawyer but is articulate, well mannered and seems like a good, family oriented type of guy. He is also overwhelmingly tall, has an amazing body and is very handsome (especially after the abc intern runs out to Walgreens and buys him Just For Men hair color). He does not glow like HTC Brad did, but he looks like alot of womens idea of prince charming. For that reason, I think Brian would be better for ratings, but Fred is the one we might really want to bring home to our parents.
Really, am I the only one who thinks Deanna did an injustice to all women by her little hissy-fit on National Television? She so proved the theory that all women are hormonal crazy and will go ballistic at the slightest thing?
He: ‘What’s wrong?’
She: ‘Nothing’
He: No, really, I sense something is wrong (by the way your eyes have glazed over)
She: I’m FINE. (teeth cleched, nostrils smoking)
He: Uh oh. . .
She: Full meltdown, screaming “Why don’t you love me anymore!? You never pay any attention to me?!!!”
He: C’mon guys, let’s go back and play jarts. . .
And the guy with the wallpaper striped suit? Seriously. . . and he’s worn that awful thing TWICE!
The date with Jerry is too funny. The Bachelor or Bachelorette is a weird thing. After Monday I was thinking that Brian was the perfect man based on how ABC edited the tapes (despite the fork). But lets be honest hes 31 and not married. Like there wouldn’t be girls falling over themselves to be with him. I am and I am 14 hours from Fort Worth and happily married. He probably has “issues”. Like I’ve said, I love Fred but don’t think he so attractive. He is more of the Bob type of Bachelor whereas Brian would be the show’s HOTTEST bachelor.
Ahhhh I can’t take all the Brian talk!! That’s totally cool you guys think he’s hot. I guess he’s just not my type. What I don’t get is how everyone says he’s so smart and awesome. I didn’t see that at ALL on the show. They barely showed him and when they did, he seemed more like a caveman than Cassanova. He might have used some big words, but the guy seemed dumb as a brick. Watch the latest episode when he’s talking to DD and standing at the rose ceremony. He just seems like a robot. Again, it’s fine that you guys like him, but I just cannot imagine him as the next bachelor, of all things!
I watched the songs again (why do I torture myself like this?) and I have to say Fred’s was the best. Yes, it looks pretty stupid when you type out the lyrics like Lincee did, but he didn’t take it totally seriously and he was adorable. It was fun and lighthearted. Jesse’s also was good, Robert’s made me cringe the most because he clearly thought he was good (I LOVED when DD was like, “Robert’s the only one here who THINKS he can sing”) and Brian’s, of course, was terrible. There’s another bit of proof that Brian isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed — his song! He took it way too seriously, it was full of incredibly embarrassing cliches, etc. Even the guys couldn’t stop cracking up. It’s pretty bad when TWILLEY can successfully mock you, people.
Anyway, I’m done ripping through men who are probably perfectly nice and who have done nothing more than enterain me by appearing on my favorite ABC trainwreck.
I’m not seeing any of these guys as the next bach. Has to be someone a little more impressive, career-wise. We’ve had an officer and gentleman, an heir, a prince or whatever Chach was, a pro football player, a doctor…. can’t have an average-looking “lawyer” who may never have practiced law, or a “football coach” who is really a trainer, no matter how good looking he may be. Admittedly, HTCBrad owned a few bars, but – hey – he was HTC.
Another hilarious recap! “She walks him out and says it’s not him…it’s his collar”… loved it!
I actually thought “what the crap?!?” when she called Twilley’s name. Seriously?!? I mean I get all the others (with the exception of Brian who was so easy on the eyes) and I’m loving Jason… yum! But why Twilley? There has to be some sly editing fools working for ABC. Glad your back safe and sound Lincee! Kudos to Some Guy for stepping up!
Sorry, no I’m not seconding the motion for Fred as the next Bachelor. #185, I totally agree with you. We need someone a little more impressive to fill the spot.
Is Everyone ready for tomorrow’s train wreck?!
#188 – I’m more ready for Tuesday’s recap.
#180….I agree completely…I posted that in a previous post, but I know there are SO many posts, you just cannot possibly read them all!
#181….I liked Brian too. There was something about him that I can’t quite put my finger on, but I thought he was a great guy and I can’t believe he and Fred were kicked off so soon!
#185….It seems like the previous bachelor’s were “high society,” but really….what’s wrong with your NORMAL, EVERYDAY guy !?!? I think most of us would agree that we would much rather see a normal, down to earth guy as the next bachelor. With that said, Fred or Brian would be great…no matter what their careers may be. Their careers do not define who they are!
Ok so i was poking around and something made me blink (but not as much as you know who)
sorry if its been posted already, but… guess who?
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b60/wdwoct2005/Twilley1436.jpg
Wow…. #191. Is that really the same guy. He’s kind of hot there! Hahaha…
#191-Holy crap. If Twilley would just keep his mouth shut and dress like that he’d be doing much better!
Who knew Twilley was a hottie?? He definately needs to keep his mouth shut but I’m wondering if ABC hasn’t done some creative editing in order to make him seem like a dork. Maybe in their one on one time he is sweet and intelligent (weirder things have happened). Why else would she keep hanging on??
i never thought the words “twilley” and “hot” would go in the same sentence, but damn, Twilley does look hot in that pic!
I have always thought Twilley was cute physically–I love his sleepy hazel eyes–he just acts like an idiot…maybe he is okay in life, because DD sure seems to like him…
#184 WTF : THANK YOU!!!! I don’t get the Brian thing either!
No repeat Bachelors! PLEASE! These guys are may “seem” great on tv but we don’t know them! Obviously they are on the show for a reason – attention!
It’s the hair….Twilley needs hair! Some guys can’t pull of the funky haircut he has. Clearly, he needs hair to make him hot!
#191 – where did you did up that hot picture? He is way hotter than Graham in that picture. He needs to keep his mouth shut more and brood for the camera.
*dig up