iHateGreenBeans

Shalom friends! It’s good to be back in the ole U S of A. I had a fabulous time in Israel and really appreciate all the sweet comments of encouragement left on those posts. You guys are amazing and it still floors me that you invest interest in what I’m doing with my life over in this tiny corner of the world. For that…I thank you.

And I thank SOME GUY too! What a great job he did recapping the show. I never once was nervous, leaving this responsibility in his and my webMAN’s hands. In fact, I sort of forgot about Monday. I think I was eating falafel at a road-side restaurant/gas station or was gasping for breath at Masada. Regardless, my point is that I trust them both completely and knew you would be taken care of.

I arrived home around midnight on Monday. Fully expecting to sit and watch the show when I returned to my apartment, I opted to eat Taco Cabana and head to bed. I didn’t even shower. Gross…I know…since I had been on a plane for a million hours. But the exhaustion had finally hit me. Went to work yesterday and walked around like a zombie. Got home yesterday evening, ordered pizza and sat down to enjoy what several people told me was one of the best episodes in a long time. Bring on the crazy! I’m ready!

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Spring Oreos or have a Jazzercise instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelors on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

I have to admit, I did not watch last week’s show. I just read SOME GUY’S recap. There are two things that immediately catch my attention:

1. Our Host Chris Harrison is calling the shack down the driveway, the outhouse. Love it.

2. DOJO got his hair cut. I know SG said that Soul Patch Ron probably brought his scissors and did a little trim-trim on all the boys, but the removal of DOJO’s mullet has GOT to be the best makeover this show has seen in its history. I can’t seem to not write down the words, “his hair is SO much better” in my notes. Night and day, dude. Night and day.

SING FOR THE MOMENT
Our Host drags the mansion boys, Chef Robert, Jason and ChicAHgo Fred down to the outhouse with the other boys. He explains that there is a one-on-one date up for grabs and the men will have to compete to earn the chance for alone time with DDAHnna. The game? Write and perform an original song in front of DDAHnna and the rest of the group. They have one hour to create their masterpiece.

Oye vey.

This was just torturous. I understand the pull to be competitive in this show, but these guys were awful. Jesse wanted to punch Chris Harrison in the tooth for suggesting such a challenge. DOJO would rather dig his own grave. Even though it would mess up his rockin’ new do. Graham begins writing a book and ChicAHgo Fred wonders if everyone is going to compose four verses and a refrain.

What?

Yo Chef. Put your collar down and take that cowboy hat off. You look ridiculous.

Bless Beefcake Brian’s heart. He tells the camera he enjoys writing and conveying his love to someone.

ChicAHgo Fred is up first. After uttering, “Oh…may…Gahd” to the camera, he asks the group to start a slow clap:

“The Bachelor season is here again
Deanna Pappas is searching for a husband
Putting her heart on the line
To find a man that’s funny and fine
She’s opening her heart and soul
If I see those pigtails I might lose control
Most important for D to get
Is that I’m here for her heart with no regrets”

Wow. We’ve really just gone there.

Graham says he would rather eat glass than sing, and opts for humor instead of melody. Chef Robert (put your collar down dude) tries a little country twang. Twilley, of course, performs a dramatic prose that lasted ten minutes. Jeremy raps. DOJO is beyond description, but his hair looks great. Jason talks like a robot. And Jesse gets down on one knee and does that weird half talk half sing number.

And then it’s Beefcake’s turn. Poor Beefcake.

He hoists all 300 pounds of himself on the pool table, takes a few cleansing breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth) and begins talking about the house of his pain. Oh dear. Not good. He’s taking it so serious! I, however, am embarrassed and peek out from behind my couch pillow to see DDAHnna turning red too. STOP IT BEEFCAKE! The other guys are laughing at him and trying to stifle giggles with their hands. Beefcake has no clue and continues to turn his soliloquy into a light metal version of something Poison would play on their reunion tour. Alas…there was no air guitar.

DDAHnna decides to pick Jesse because he put himself out there and actually made contact with her by holding her hand. He later receives his date box and learns that they will be going to a fancy dinner. Poor Jesse feels awkward about something so formal and decides that he will just be himself and wear his jeans and “RELAX” t-shirt with florescent shoes.

DDAHnna has something else in mind and arranges for Hugo Boss to deliver a suit to his outhouse door. Hot Graham, sans shirt thank you Lord Jesus, retrieves the garment and delivers to Jesse. He looks as if he is going to throw up in this penguin getup, but presses on.

DDAHnna tells the camera that she wants to find out if Jesse is husband material. Meanwhile, Jeremy is teaching Jesse proper etiquette on how to button his jacket. “Never the bottom. Always the middle.”

The guys agree that Jess has never looked better and conclude that DDAHnna will probably be smoking hot as well. She enters the outhouse with a blue dress that accentuates her boobs and butt. The boys swoon.

They go to a theater that has a special message to Jesse on the marquee: “One Night Only…Just for you Jesse…Love Deanna.” He’s super impressed and intimidated at the same time. DD encourages him to take the stage and perform his song again. That’s just mean. Didn’t we do this four seasons ago on another Bachelor? And he dumped her after taking back the borrowed diamond necklace?

At dinner, DDAHnna is ready to get down to business and see what is beyond the fun side of Jesse. She asked if he cheated. He said no. She asked if he was stubborn. He said for sure. Then she was super polite in telling him that he’s not normally someone she is attracted to, but she thinks he is a real, cool dude.

Nice D. Want to go ahead and give him the “Let’s be friends” speech while you are at it? Geez.

Jesse toasts the relationship and basically asks in a nice way if he can have the rose. She gives it to him without hesitation and tells the camera that something inside grows stronger and stronger every time they talk. Then she asks if he will accept the rose in her best baby voice. He accepts.

The curtains rise behind them and there stands Natasha Bedingfield…love her. Sweet Jesse invites her to dance (swoon!) and tells the camera that it feels like she is the only woman in the world.

START YOUR ENGINES
Brian, Twilley, DOJO, Jeremy, Graham and Jason go on the group date with DDAHnna. They will be driving stock cars and DOJO, with his awesome hair, is stoked because he always races with his Kentucky buddies back home.

Brian is first. Bless his heart, he’s scared and tells the camera that he’s going to have to put his fears behind him and drive fast.

Couple of notches down the cool ladder my friend.

To make matters worse, he can’t seem to make the car go. Popping the clutch seems problematic and his sheer size makes maneuvering a challenge. But he tops out at a respectable 140 mph.

Jason is nervous around corners and only gets 138 mph.

Graham, who doesn’t even own a car, drives 136.

Jeremy is the lowest with 129 and complains to the pit crew that he knows he topped 150. He has to check his competitive attitude before DDAHnna finds out that he has control issues.

Twill admits that he gets motion sickness and is terrified of going over speed limit. Ironically, dude drives 140.59 and the look on DDAHnna’s face is priceless when she realizes he is in first place.

But DOJO drops the hammer and wins with a speed of 141. She pours champagne on his new cool hair (which looks good wet) and they go sit infield to discuss the irony of racing cars and the race for DDAHnna’s heart. DOJO admits that winning has boosted his confidence and tries to make some weird blue grass connection that no one else can share. Then he straight up tells her she is a redneck and she gives him the evil eye. He tries to back peddle, but she’s still not happy to be the butt of a “Here’s Your Sign” joke. To make matters worse, he decides to call her Baby for the remainder of the episode.

Back on the track, DDAHnna gets in the car and outdrives all of the boys with a speed of 141.6. The guys think that she is sexy and fearless. DOJO is in love.

Since it’s been five minutes since Jeremy talked to DD, he embraces his competitive spirit and whisks her away for some alone time on the buss. He is not going to sit back and let someone else take his spot. He tells her that he misses her and she assures him she thinks about him all the time.

Brian thinks Jeremy feels threatened because she’s getting to know everyone else too. Twill tells the story about the tortoise and the hare. I know. Random.

Graham steals her away from Jeremy. She admits to the camera that she is really attracted to him. Jason notices their close body language.

Right off the bat, DD is concerned for Graham and asks how he is doing. He says he is doing his best as the camera gets a tight shot of her scratching his arm hair. Then she asks, “You are going to kiss me, right?”

And home boy says that he doesn’t want to be “one of a bunch” who kisses her.

Words can not describe the anger that flashed through her eyes and the amount of blinks in less than 10 seconds. He mumbles on about being different from the rest and finally gets a clue that she is no longer scratching his arm and has taken a bit of a defensive pose with pursed lips and crossed arms. Genius asks if she’s mad.

D: “I’m not mad. I’m hurt.”
G: “Why?”
D: “Because.”
L: That’s mature.

G: “Well now you know what I’m feeling.”
D: “I KNOW EXCACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME. YOU CAN’T HOLD BACK. I DIDN’T. I’M DYING TO KISS YOU. YOU CAN’T BE LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT TAKES AWAY FROM OUR TIME TOGETHER.”

Graham looks dumbfounded. I can’t tell if this was some weird “does she like me?” strategy or not. DDAHnna tells the camera that it breaks her heart that he’s not putting himself out there.

DDAHnna returns to the group and decides to hand the rose to DOJO. It meant the world to him and he probably went home that night and pressed it between his collection of Muscle Car magazines. Man…his hair looks so much better.

Twill is worried about going home. If only.

Beefcake Brian admits that he feels like he’s on the outside looking in and wonders if DDAHnna will ever see him for who he truly is. Lincee wonders why there is a fork in his drink.

Back at the mansion, Chef and ChicAHgo Fred receive their date card that announces there will be a recipe for love the next night. Poor Fred is sulking because he’s pretty sure Chef is going to come out a winner on this date. Chef says that he will be smooth, rich and succulent with DDAHnna and it’s all going to come down to the kiss. He believes she won’t kiss both guys on the date, and the one she DOES kiss will get the rose.

But before we reach that date, which happened to be the most dramatic two-on-one in BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE history, let’s go down to the outhouse and see what the other boys are doing.

We begin with a simple statement from Jesse: “I’m tired of sitting around this place. We should throw a party.”

Let’s just go ahead and give kudos where kudos are due. Our poor ABC intern must have booked it down to the nearest Dollar Store and purchased all the necessities for a white trash outhouse party. Out of nowhere, we had plastic chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, makeshift washers made out of rocks and plastic cups, a blow up kiddie pool and coolers full of beer. They even find a dry erase board and invite the three mansion guys down for some fun in the sun.

DDAHnna answers the door and decides it’s best that they all put on clothes (dig to Chef who was in a towel) and go down to the outhouse. She brings a football with her.

The mansion boys are pretty ticked that they don’t have quality time with D. Put your collar down Chef. They are also irritated that the outhouse boys set a children’s table up for them for lunch. Calm and collected Chef chooses to hurl his red child chair into a near by bush.

DD said the party was weird and awkward from the start:
“Brian is content with the boys. DOJO is turning back to his old ways. Chef is brooding by himself, Graham is ignoring me and Twill is just being Twill in the corner. I’m so disappointed.”

She finally asks someone where Chef has wandered off to and is upset to learn that he is inside. OH NO HE ISN’T! She marches into the outhouse and demands to know why he’s being such a little wuss. He gives some lame story about how someone told him that she already has her top three picked out. She asks him to put his collar down. Then he admits that he’s getting emotionally attached and doesn’t want to go into tonight’s date with the mindset that he would get a rose.

DD grabs him by the ear and pulls him out into the front yard. Now she’s crying.

“I should be the happiest person in world and you all are breaking my heart. Do you feel good about that? I came down here to hang out. Stop twirling in the corner Twilley. If you don’t want to be here then go home. I know what you’ve all gone though. Brian, I know you are writing another song in your head right now. Please stop and just listen to me. I know what you feel. I’m trying to figure it out. If you can’t handle it…go home. Not speaking to just you Chef. Please, PLEASE put your collar down. I’m talking to everyone. I put 100 percent and try my hardest. This is not fair. You are hot Graham. Just kiss me already. I can’t promise the world and not make connections with other guys or kiss other people. When I’m with you, I’m focusing on you. Quit looking at me like I’m a piece of meat DOJO. I’m going to my house now. Stop following me Jason. You stay here and hang out with each other.

Jeremy gives all the boys a lecture and tells them they should be ashamed. Rob pulls his collar tighter around his neck, afraid for the date that night and Fred is confident that he will get a rose.

BYE, BYE, BYE
We find both Fred and Chef packing their suitcases, wondering who will be the lucky one to return to the mansion. Chef has graciously put his collar down, but insists on unbuttoning one too many buttons on the shirt. Pick your battles Lincee. He tells the camera that he’s bringing his “A” game to the table and Fred better beware.

The boys are going to dinner at a mansion in Hollywood hills. Right off the bat when DDAH offers the pair a glass of wine, I can tell that there’s something wrong with this picture. No…it’s not the fact that she had on a gold mesh off-the-shoulder Flashdance shirt. Something else was in the air.

DDAHnna fills the awkward silence at dinner with a simple question. What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a girl?

Chef: “I flew my ex-fiancé to Vegas. We got in a helicopter and watched the sunset on the strip. I then pulled my collar up and showed her all the sights and took her to my favorite hotel where I arranged for five bags of rose petals to be sprinkled on the floor leading to the bed. I’m a love machine you see, so we spent the rest of the night there. It took me six and a half months to pay that off.”

Fred: “I planned a surprise getaway to Lake Geneva. We just talked. My collar was down the whole time.”

The Chef steals DDAHnna away for some alone time. In his world, that means revving up the love machine. He straight up tells her that passion can be felt on the first kiss. She gives him a blank stare. He asks if he can kiss her. She insists he plant one on her cheek.

I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. Oh how sad. On national TV too. Ouch. That’s got to hurt. Maybe his mojo is thrown because his collar is down.

DDAHnna asks him how he deals with problems in relationships. He tells her that he talks about them as he unbuttons another button on his shirt. She says that his story is unlikely since earlier in that day she had to come find him and inquire what was wrong. In fact…she had to drag it out of him.

Chef misinterprets this for affection and tells the camera that there is a definite connection between the two that is palpable. They both feel it. In fact, if you looked up rose in the dictionary, you’d see his picture. With the collar up of course.

Later, Fred and DD squish onto a tiny lounge chair out back and talk about how they like being around each other and how he’s fighting for her. She says he is sweet.

Aaannnnnnd there it is. I knew at this point both dudes were toast.

DDAHnna tells the boys that she is going through her own personal struggle because they are both amazing guys even though the Chef wears his collar up. It was a very difficult decision, but she was going to have to send Chef home. She walks him out and says it’s not him…it’s his collar.

The Chef is destroyed. Or maybe he’s just drunk and it’s the bourbon talking. He tells the ABC psychotherapist in the back seat that he is not used to rejection. He embraces this lesson in humility (don’t we all?) but is adamant to let the world know that he still holds the recipe for love. One cup of cockiness, a pinch of salt and a fifth of Jack Daniels should do the trick. As he sits in silence, he brilliantly moves his head to reveal a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Back inside, DDAHnna is mustering up the courage to dump ChicAHgo Fred as well. She says that he is amazing and has a big heart. But she just doesn’t see forever. She doesn’t want to lead him on because he is too good for that. Sweet Fred bids her adieu and wishes her happiness in her journey.

Back at the mansion, the boys see that random dude in black has gathered Chef’s things. They high five each other, proud of themselves that they guessed correctly when they said Fred would get the rose.

Jesse: “Dude! Home boy’s coming back!”

They stand in awe as the man in black with the sweet goatee returns for Fred’s things.

DD is sad because Fred is good person. She’s feeling a bit blue as she walks into the mans. And there’s Jason to comfort her. He insists she goes upstairs to put on something more comfortable and says that he will be poolside with a bottle of wine if she wants to talk about it.

And of course she does. She’s a girl.

They talk, snuggle and make out. Well played Jason. You lucky dog.

ROSE CEREMONY
The next night, Jason picks DDAHnna up for the cocktail party and kisses her square on the lips when she opens her bedroom door. Very intimate.

Jeremy immediately whisks her away and tells her that seeing her upset was torture for him. He apologizes at how the day turned from fun to disastrous and blames all the other boys for making her cry. DDAHnna says she never blamed him and thanks him for putting forth the effort to get to know her better.

It’s Beefcake’s turn next. He holds her hands in a death grip and babbles on about how he is going to get married once. She talks about how she is never going to sleep mad. Not really on the same page here guys.

Twill rambles on about how he is scared and doesn’t know if she sees the real him. Same song, different verse man. She says that if there was not a connection, she would have already sent him home. Nice editing, because I seen nothing more than a goofy guy with his eyes closed half the time.

During Graham’s time, he decides to do everything opposite he did at the race track and asks HER to talk to him. She remains hurt by their conversation and he apologizes. He hopes that she knows how much pain it caused him to see her cry. She says she doesn’t want to be confused as to why he is here. He says simply, “I’m here for you.” DDAHnna begins planning their wedding as they passionately kiss.

In the most unorthodox of all rose ceremonies, DDAHnna decides to break the formal rules and encourages everyone to go get their swim trunks for some fun. Everyone does cannonballs in the pool and plays chicken, fighting to see which head DDAHnna will straddle. Sounds way dirtier than I meant it.

They all squish into the hot tub when Our Host Christ Harrison shows up in his fancy suit and clinks his wine glass. Ironically, he makes them all change back into their suits and DDAHnna is rushed back to hair and makeup before handing out roses. Was this necessary ABC? How funny would it have been to come with towels wrapped around their heads? Missed opportunity for some comic relief. But this is serious stuff. Someone’s future is on the line!

Jesse and DOJO already have their roses. Others are handed out to Jason, Jeremy and Twilley. Say it with me people…what the crap? She gives Graham a warning by issuing him the last rose and then waves goodbye to Beefcake. Didn’t even walk him out to the limo.

Next week we see a lot of making out going on in hot tubs and hammocks. And poor Twilley just needs to be put out of his misery. Am I right readers?

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

I’d be Sleepy. I’m so tired people. Returned from Israel last night around midnight, ate Taco Cabana and went straight to bed. I promise to watch the show tonight and recap first thing in the morning. I’ve just received an email from my friend Jill who told me that DDAHnna gives me PLENTY of material. Therefore, I give you the comments section to talk among yourselves. Just know that I will NOT be reading them because I want to experience every bit of the train wreck myself.

Shalom!
Lincee

“Shabbat Shalom” from Jerusalem!

Today is Friday which marks our second Sabbath in the Holy Land! We’re veritable experts now.

Today was anything but a day of rest, though. Ruti had half of our group up at the crack of dawn to visit the Wailing Wall (fortunately we bloggirls were in the alphabetical group that didn’t leave until 8:45 a.m.) and we were off with a vengeance to visit the City of Jerusalem. As Ruti said, “Turing wit me es like turing from sunrise to sunset…or until jour soul leafs your body.”

We started out by picking up our group and our fearless leader, who has a new wardrobe addition…a whistle. That’s right folks, a gym coach-type whistle, which she blew directly into the microphone on the bus to demonstrate how she would call when she needed us to come running from one gift shop to the next. Apparently yelling “TEX-ASS” just isn’t enough.

Our first stop was King David’s tomb, which isn’t really King David’s tomb. It is just a representation…kinda like Nazareth Village was just a representation of Jesus’ hometown. Two years ago, the “Penguins” (Ruti’s incredibly PC term for Orthodox Jews in traditional dress of white tops, black pants, and long black coats) took over the site, which apparently moves around quite a bit. Because it is now under Orthodox holdings and considered a hallowed site, men and women use separate entrances, each view half of the “tomb,” and “holy wear” is required. For those of you who aren’t in the know, “holy wear” means that women must have arms and legs fully covered (Shawls provided for the tawdry lasses who dare to bare their arms) and men are required to wear yamikas (also provided for the Gentile Boys).

The “tomb” (that wasn’t) was nothing more than a big rock with a purple velvet blanket tossed over it. We basically got to see half of something that is not anything. The guys said their half wasn’t much better, but we’ve included a picture below of the girls’ half for posterity’s sake.

We also discussed the Star of David, Israel’s national symbol for the past 300 years. It just so happens that this isn’t really David’s star. In fact, it wasn’t even invented until many hundreds of years after his death. Ruti thinks the truest representation of Israel would be something symbolizing the country’s solidarity…we think something symbolizing a gift shop would be very fitting too! Maybe an incorporation of the Israeli National Animal…the coney!

We next traveled on to Diasphora Yeshma, or the Upper Room, on Mt. Zion, which isn’t really Mount Zion. In 70 AD, Jerusalem was destroyed and the Crusader Church built over the place of the Last Supper was also destroyed. (Interesting note: Jerusalem has been rebuilt 18 times).

This spot is also known as the spot where the Last Supper took place. Only, this isn’t really the site of the Last Supper, but a representation of where the dinner is thought to have taken place. Ruti said the actual Passover dinner didn’t look anything like how old Leo DeVinci painted it either… “What? Do jew tink the dee-sigh-pulls got two-gedder and sayed, ‘Let’s pose for a picture?’ I don’t tink so TEX-ASS!”

Since we were running a little late this morning (the bus was leaving at 8:30 and we arrived at 8:35) we had to grab breakfast on the go. Nancy Jane had one cup of coffee and Lincee had a Special K bar. Just as we entered the 500-year-old Jewish Quarter, Ruti spotted a Muslim bakery, grabbed six pita pizzas without paying and began handing them out to our group. It was a welcome treat since we were starving. The Muslims didn’t seem to mind. We think they were afraid of Ruti. Who isn’t? In fact, all food vendors seemed anxious when Ruti’s voice or brightly colored flowery umbrella was in the near vicinity. Not only did she steal pizzas, but she scored a handful of peanuts and a falafel, promising each shop that we would be back to visit them for lunch.

Our group split up again and the bloggirls went to the Wohl Archeological Museum which is ten feet below modern day Jewish Quarter. Stepping into this museum transports the visitor back 2,000 years to the Herodian period where the city looks exactly like it did in Jesus’ time. This is the real deal folks! The highlight of the visit to the museum was the opportunity to enjoy the High Priest’s “home” which was a 60 room palace. Ruti took us through the living room where Christ was questioned by the High Priest after His arrest on Passover and the open courtyard where Peter denied Christ three times. It was the first time we both felt truly in awe to be standing where Christ walked and the fact that we are in Israel slowly began to sink in.

We stepped out the door of the Museum and heard the voice of Ruti, “On the double TEX-ASS! Get over here!” She wanted us to see the huge golden menorah that will eventually be used when the third temple is built, according to Ruti and our guides.

Our next stop was the Temple Institute—a non-profit organization that exists to raise money, awareness and promotes scholarship of the world’s role in building the third temple.

Interesting note: The third temple can not be built until the Arab mosque (which has been on the site of the holy of holies since the fifth century) is “removed”. That’s a euphemism for “destroyed,” folks.

Inside the Institute, our guides Gabriella and Rabbi Glick showed us many of the “vessels” that have already been crafted for use in the third temple. These included: the big gold menorah we have already seen outside, the altar used for sacrifice, oil lamps fashioned out of pure silver and High Priest robes on a creepy looking mannequin that we are pretty certain was female. Gabriella, whose personality can best be described as that of wet paper bag, was informative and full of interesting facts about the temple. Even with a little over five hours sleep, our most yet, it was a struggle to stay awake while she imparted her extensive knowledge of ethical ways to kill animals for sacrifice, Titus and his thieving of the temple goods, the Levite musicians and how incense was burned in the temple because it engaged the sense of smell—the most holy sense because it the least physical. We forced ourselves to take a seat on the front row in hopes to prevent falling sleep.

Our tour of the Temple Institute concluded with a spiel by Rabbi Glick about how important it is for people of all faiths to donate money so the temple can be rebuilt. In keeping with national tradition, he answered his cell phone in the middle of his presentation, and after hanging up commented that he ALWAYS answers his phone—at any day or hour—because it could be someone calling to give him permission to begin rebuilding. “You all would have to help me carry the vessels out of here!” If you are interested in this non-profit, their website is: www.templeinstitute.org.

No visit to Israel would be complete without visiting the site where our Lord was born. The only catch is that Bethlehem is smack dab in the middle of Palestinian territory, the West Bank (keep reading moms…it’s okay.) Because she is Israeli, Ruti was not allowed to accompany us to the other side, and she loved being a martyr about it. “Hussein, on of jour tur gides…he es crasy. A leetle bit. But he’s okay.”

After having pre-conceived notions about what goes on in the West Bank, we were a little concerned about crossing the border without our Ruti or armed guard. But this particular trip was funded by the gift shop we visited the first day in Jerusalem, so we were committed. Despite the fact that we didn’t buy rugs or jewelry.

On our way to the Herodian palace, our b-string and completely sane tour guide Walid, took us past a church (and wait for it folks) where Mary is said to have rested on the way to Bethlehem before Christ’s birth. We arrived at the Herodian palace and Walid asked us to step off the bus, reminding us of the importance of our hats and water. Naturally, we had neither.

The climb was not water worthy. We stopped along the way for pictures, scenery and to read a sign memorializing an Israeli parks and recreation employee who had been murdered there ten years prior by Palestinian terrorists. Oh great. The conspiracy theory has started to come together. This is where they send the bad souvenir shoppers.

What was interesting about this spot is the fact that they’ve done excavation of it and are 80 percent sure this is Herod’s grave. We saw the ritual bath (mique), steam room, synagogue and Bonnie’s underwear. The high winds coupled with her choice of wardrobe (skirt) equaled something that EVERYONE at the Herodian Palace was observing. It took a team effort for our group to assist Bonnie in tying her skirt between her legs. Good times and fun memories.

After we corrected the wardrobe malfunction, we headed to Shepherd’s Field where it is hypothesized the shepherds saw the star over Bethlehem when Christ was born. We sang, “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” in a cave that is thought to be where the shepherds tended their flocks at night. There were plastic stars and little white twinkle lights hanging all around. This reminded Nancy Jane of Pi Phi pref night at Ole Miss.

Our group was lead to a meeting area high on top of Shepherd’s Field where Pastor Dave offered one of his most beautiful devotionals of the trip. He delivered a message on Psalm 23 that was quite unlike what we’ve ever heard. He focused on verse two, “He MAKES (emphasis added) me lie down in green pastures.” Our head honcho alluded to the fact that sometimes when we are not following God’s way for us and life become too busy and we are not resting in the knowledge or peace of Christ, He MAKES us lie down. When sheep wandered off the path one too many times, the shepherd was forced to break the sheep’s leg and then carry him during the journey. Once healed, the sheep was allowed to walk and always stayed close to the shepherd. When we stray from the path, we are corrected and inevitably brought closer and learn to rest in The Great Shepherd.

Being a holy day, we had to race across the border to get to our Shabbat dinner, thwarted only by the threat of arrest since some of our group chose to take pictures at the gate, surrounded by armed guards and miles and miles of barbed wire. We were able to cross and after a horrible dinner of nothing that could be mechanically cooked or warmed (rules of Shabbat) we took comfort in lukewarm Macabee beer in the hotel bar.

We finished out our evening with a rousing game of “Two Lies/One Truth.” We can’t elaborate on what was exposed among our group. What happens in Jerusalem stays in Jerusalem.

We would have posted this blog earlier, however, everything in this hotel is governed by a Shabbat clock. We found ourselves blogging at midnight when all the lights suddenly went out. At first, we thought we had blown a fuse, but realized by the simple flip of a Shabbat switch, we could turn our room from Shabbat-worthy to unclean (aka: we turned the Shabbat clock off.)

We’d like to end this blog with a blessing that Rabbi Glick gave to us as we left the Temple Institute:
“From the City of Jerusalem, God’s holy chosen city, I wish you light to accompany you in every step of your life. A candle, a flame or spark, may you impart this light to your family, friends, neighbors and colleagues, turning this world into a better place to live. God bless you.”

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ DAY SEVEN YET, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN BELOW. I POSTED THESE DAYS TOGETHER! TWICE THE FUN PEOPLE! SHALOM!

Ma’a Salaama to Jordan & Naiheim!
Shalom to Israel and Ruti!

A majority of this day’s adventures (aka 10.5 hours) was centered around bus activities en route from Petra to Jerusalem. That’s right folks, ten and a half hours on the road…despite the fact that the two cities are less than a normal 3 hour drive apart. Of course, being back with Ruti, we stopped at every roadside tourist trap and gas-station lunch stop between the Jordan River and the Holiest City on Earth. Not to mention that it took us 3 hours to cross the border between having all our bags x-rayed and Brandon volunteering to bribe the border police with duty-free cigarettes in exchange for expedient passage (Beverly, you’ve raised quite a gentleman!).

Unfortunately, they were out of King Hussein Double Tipped Reds, so we were forced to sit on the bus for 2 hours. We passed the time, as we did the road miles previously, with another good old-fashioned sing-along.

We started with hymns and praise and worship music and somehow moved to gospel renditions of “Swing Low” and Naiheim belting out “How Great Thou Art” (“Ha Gray-tute Dow Aaart”). Good times, good times.

We had to cut what could have possibly been a Grammy-award winning performance of Kum-Bay-Yah (think: “WE ARE THE WORLD, circa 1982) short due to the 12 year old border police with an uzi responding to a disturbance of the peace call..in our van.

Being the responsible and resourceful social chairwomen of Israeli Invasion ’08, we pulled an oldie but a goodie. Nancy Jane harkened back to her days of Kamp closing to a “List What You Love About Your Fellow Bus-Mate” love fest. All 17 members of our bus group, Naiheim included, received a torn out piece of spiral journal paper with everyone’s handwritten comments about what made them lovable and traits that had been recognized during the past week of travel and getting to know one another.

The girls immediately loved the idea and started digging around in back packs for pens; we had to wake the boys up and they tried to act like they weren’t into it. But let me tell you…there was not a dry eye on the bus after love fest was over. And, thankfully, the minute we were done with the exercise, it was time to enter Israel and yet another security check-point.

Like Joshua and the Israelites into the Promised Land, we were led to Reunion Land with our dear Ruti. She was, folks, ECSTATIC to see us! She laughed, hugged, kissed, joked, hugged a little more and excitedly told us of how we were going to be visiting her town now…on our way to Jerusalem, one of the world’s five oldest (at a fair 7,000 years old) cities and the birthplace of Islam, Christianity and Judaism.

As we neared the place that Ruti calls “home sweet home,” our head honcho leader talked about the spiritual and topographical significance of this barren area. He referenced instances where Christ talks about his people being “like sheep without a shepherd.” Prior to visiting this spot, we’d have thought… “Wow, the sheep are totally lost.” True, but after seeing the conditions that “sheep without a shepherd” would have to endure, it has totally new meaning. Those animals, without their shepherd, would be toast. It’s broiling, no shade or water in sight, long distances give way to longer more desolate distances, wild carnivorous animals abound, and the desert is never-ending. Just like the sheep, we without our Shepherd are toast. Totally.

We stopped for lunch at Rosaline’s, which was Ruti’s second cousin twice-removed’s new Desert Stuckeys. It had a sunglass hut (where Nancy Jane purchased a styling new pair of sunglasses), a Dead Sea mud store (where Lincee had her hands re-conditioned four times as the “Mud Model”) and diners feasted on pita bread filled with cut up hot dogs. All of this ajoining a local filling station…our girl sure knows how to pick ‘em.

The one diversion from the Stuckey’s ambiance was the fact that a group of Israeli soldiers were having their McPitas when we arrived. And folks, these Israeli soldiers are worth writing home to the Mama Readers about…so that’s just what we’re doing. Prilly, Linea, Bev and Pam: Lincee was getting her hands re-conditioned for the second time in the air-conditioned Dead Sea mud store when she turned around and saw Nancy Jane giving her the look…you know the one: Cute boy at ten o’clock.

Lincee agreed. We immediately sought out Ruti’s advice regarding whether or not it was “kosher” to approach armed Israeli guards in the middle of their McBaklava to request a picture. Ruti, game for anything that highlights the beauty of her country, was thrilled to approach one soldier in particular to ask for a close up of his eyes…see below.

After the photo shoot, the bus moved on toward Jerusalem where it detoured onto Jericho Road. This is a Palestinian occupied territory, so armed Israeli guard escorts were necessary to complete this stop. Because the group had been told there would be no hiking involved in our bus-trip day, Nancy Jane wore her most stylish and uncomfortable pair of corked wedge sandals and was grounded…no hiking for her, but that meant plenty of quality time with the rest of the inappropriate footwear folks AND another photo opportunity with the Israeli armed forces. Lincee, who wore appropriate footwear, was quite jealous that she did not get her picture taken with a soldier. There’s always tomorrow, Linc! Maybe she’ll score a Hassidic Jew at the Wailing Wall. Good times, good times.

Another turn of the mountain and our bus arrived near the gates of Jerusalem. We passed through a tunnel at the entrance of the Holy City of Old Jerusalem and out of nowhere, Ruti busted out into song:

“Je-rrrru-salem, Je-rrrru-salem
Leafed up ydour boys ant seeng…”

Nightingale, not so much. And her voice is in fact, lower than the Dead Sea with a nice tamber of smoker’s cough on the high c’s. At the end of her solo, the bus went wild with Islamic Calls to Worship…ALA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. See DAY FIVE for instructions on how you too can incorporate this Call into your repertoire.

Our last stop, just prior to the hotel, was believe it or not a gift shop. And this one was a little different from gift shops in the past, because Ruti actually bargained on behalf of the shop keeps. We noted she received free coffee and kissed each of the workers upon entrance…we think these may be her nephews trained by her sons, or neighborhood friends. This could also be the internship site for the school Ruti runs to teach entrepreneurial skills to young Israeli men.

Either way, it was a HIGH-END Galveston Strand souvenir shop. Olive wood nativities ranging from $300-1,400, “Hand-woven” silk rugs for $3-7,000 or your typical Jerusalem Gate chatchies ranging between $1.25 and $15.00 after the 20% discount Ruti’s tourists receive from the nephews.

This store could have been sitting in the middle of Willowbrook Mall and called Lifeway for Jews. Everything that even had a SMALL tie to Jerusalem or Israel was included in this store. We were supposed to go to a traditional Israeli market, however, security concerns prohibit that. So, this was our one stop to collect unnecessary Jewish objects…a Woolworth’s of the Holy Land stop, if you will. But, folks bought and all of our loyal readers included in the “friends and family” category can expect at least one olive wood cross or “hand-carved” camel upon our return…we bought in bulk!

Heavy laden with packages, we arrived at our hotel…barely moving. After dinner and our evening re-cap, we didn’t even discuss meeting up for social time, but rather waved “Shalom” and headed to bed. Believe it or not, these bloggirls are off to bed at a very decent hour.

Shalom and stay tuned for news of our visit to the Wailing Wall, St. Anne’s Church & other Jerusalem sites.