So there I was on my couch, killing time until I was scheduled to leave for the George Michael concert, when I noticed my DVR record light popped on.
What’s that? Am I to understand you just felt a pang of jealousy rush through your body because I was fortunate enough to be invited to the George Michael concert last night?
Oh yes. I went. AND IT WAS FABULOUS! I will be posting about sweet George later.
Be patient and have faith, uh faith, uh faith.
Back to me on the couch looking cute in my jeans and heels wondering what in the world could POSSIBLY be recording on a Monday night in July. I go to the menu and see that BACHELOR is highlighted in red.
Interesting.
I quickly flip to ABC and Our Host Chris Harrison is in the circular candle room explaining to the viewing audience that he is about to take us down Memory Lane because America wants to know what those crazy Bachelors and Bachelorettes from past seasons are up to.
Interesting again. Didn’t we just do this in March? I decide to stick with it.
The opening segment is the one I like to call:
LOOK PEOPLE! THIS SHOW REALLY DOES WORK! BELIEVE US!
The first 10 minutes were dedicated to D and Jesse and how they are America’s couple. I’m not sure if I would go that far, but okay. We are privileged to experience their “This Is Real Love” video package that ABC relentlessly made us watch in the last two episodes of the regular season, twice during the finale, Men Tell All and After the Final Rose. The next 10 minutes were dedicated to Monkey and Matty and how they are England’s couple. Following the same cookie cutter format of D and Jesse, we are forced to sit through the “Things Are Obviously Not Good, But We Have Three More Months On Our Contract Before We Can Officially Break Off Our Engagement” video package.
Next up…a few of the Bachelors of seasons past.
Aaron
Aaron is the president of a bank and a restaurant owner of not one, but TWO establishments. Isn’t he successful? He wraps up his interview package by saying he probably should have picked Gwen or Brook instead of that chick who liked her dog better than him. He just oozes class. And if you are interested, he’s number G7S98 at the Springfield, Missouri sperm bank.
Andrew Firestone
I have to say little Andy Firestone has a special place in my heart. And it’s not because he has rich relatives. He was my first season of Bachelor blogging and I still remember Amber Waves of Grain talking about the Olive Garden as if it were yesterday. He reminisces about falling in love with Jen and how she moved to San Francisco to work on his famous relatives’ vineyard. But the euphoria wore off and reality set in. It’s been five years since the show and little Andy Firestone is happy and planning a wedding with the love of his life. She is super pumped that he was able to sow his wild oats on the Bachelor in order to spend quality time transforming his famous rich relative’s turn-of-the-century barn on the famous Firestone vineyard into a reception hall for their nuptials. Our Host Chris Harrison applauds Andy Firestone and congratulates him on his marriage, which occurred just this past weekend…as if ABC had anything to do with it!
THE GIRLS
Trish…Jesse Palmer season
Trish still does what she pleases. She’s not ashamed that she crashed Jesse’s date with Peaches-N-Cream Barbie and is proud that she had the last word. She doesn’t think twice about the Bachelor, still owns her gold digger t-shirt and is now engaged to a delicious man who is quickly filling her passport with stamps.
TiErica
Nice boobs. Seriously?
Brook from Season Aaron
Brook is married and is a reporter on a local TV station in Birmingham and runs marathons. Her husband is mute.
Heather from Texas
She’s married to a high school classmate and has a reporting job for the CCCA. That’s something to do with fishing.
Emotions out of hand Christi (Aaron’s year)
It’s been five years since the Bachelor and Christi has found a job she loves, a successful career, a house that she owns, a yellow Volvo and dog that is the love of her life that happens to be the only man she needs. Oh Christi. Together everyone, “Bless your heart.”
Kristin (Renzy’s year)
Kristin finally found a guy who appreciates the skillful art of making false teeth out of orange peels.
THE GOLDEN COUPLE
What’s a Bachelor show that doesn’t feature Trista and Ryan as the proof in the pudding that you CAN find true love in six weeks on a reality show? In order not to screw this last union up, the ABC Psychotherapist is adamant that DD and Jesse visit Trista and Ryan in order to be coached on how to successfully maneuver this thing we call “love.”
But before we hear the couple’s counseling session, we are privileged to experience the “All It Takes Is Romance and Happiness to Make It” Trista and Ryan video package.
And maybe a televised wedding during sweeps. You KNOW the intern is itching for an excuse to pull out his pink and baby blue sand again. And the flags. Wow. I forgot the audience waved flags after Trista and Ryan were pronounced man and wife. Ten bucks says that they attend DDAHnna and Jesse’s wedding on May 9, 2009. Or maybe they will be invited to commentate like Our Host Chris Harrison did! Exciting times ahead!
But wait. The couch is still not ready for the therapy session. Instead, we are privileged to experience the “We Have the Cutest Baby Ever and Insist on Dressing Him in Catch Phrase Onesies” video package. Max is adorable. And if you don’t believe me, his onesie says so. I’m pretty sure the last one he was wearing said, “Green Peace” or “Green Peas” [patent pending…CALLED IT.] My favorite was, “I’m glad my Daddy accepted the rose” but it was left on the cutting room floor. Pity.
Finally, DDAHnna and Jesse are allowed into the room where Trista and Ryan are all snuggly together on a big comfy couch. Jess sits down in a big squishy chair across from the couple. Instead of DD sitting adjacent in an equally-as-squishy chair, she decides to wedge herself in with Jesse and fling her legs over his lap. You know. As if they have been dating/married forever. Like Trista and Ryan. Her role models.
Trista begins the session by asking where they spent their alone time…Bahamas was it?…and if that was when she knew Jesse was the one for her. DDAHnna quickly reminds Trista that it was NOT the Bahamas…but the GRAND Bahamas and yes…that was indeed the time she fell in love.
DDAHnna: “It was just the little things that made it wonderful. You can get to know someone when you are in a fantasy suite together. He doesn’t leave the toilet seat up, which is a plus. And he doesn’t snore…which is a deal-breaker for me. And his hair is so cute in the morning when he wakes up after a long night of…”
Trista: “There’s a baby upstairs. Let’s keep it to G-Rated, okay D?”
DDAHnna tells the camera that she is PUMPED that Trista is her new bestie. They have tons in common. They both like boys from Colorado. And they were both dumped by evil Bachelors on live TV. And neither of their original Bachelors has found true love. SCORE!
The couples are forced to segregate. Trish asks if she can “steal” DDAHnna away to go outside. It gets a big laugh from the set. The cameras, unfortunately were not rolling, and the intern asks her to sit back down and do it again. She obliged, but with much less enthusiasm. She and Ryan are SO OVER scripted material.
D asked Trista how to make this marriage work, because she is only getting married ONCE and time is ticking with her “three by 30” goal. Trista says that there will be 15 minutes of fame and to take advantages of the perks. But then she warns that it is important to get back to the reality of dating and being a couple.
Back inside, Jesse asks a much more serious question:
“Dude…how do I get her to Colorado? Was it hard for Trista to move here?”
Ryan answers no, because they are so ridiculously in love that she would follow him anywhere. Jesse looks forlorn. Ryan says that all he needs is romance in order to find true happiness. And if he works hard at the relationship…and not making it a fairy tale like ABC wants, then he will be fine.
The producers stare at each other from behind the camera, but decide to continue rolling since this is there one and ONLY success story. Maybe this fireman really knows what he’s talking about!
Ryan goes on to say that Jess should not be a jerk when approached on the street. He reminds him that he is an inspiration for people all over the world that you can find your soul mate in the unlikeliest of places. Jesse utters a low, “Duuuuuude. That’s awesome” before asking about the final pièce de résistance piece of advice.
“She wants three kids by 30. How in the world am I supposed to handle that?”
Ryan: “You need to have some alone time for sure before having kids. Because kids change priorities. My best advice to you is to start now and pray for twins.”
It’s time for Jesse and DDAHnna to head back to Breck, but before they go, DD begs Trista to wake Baby Max up from his nap so she can smell his head. Trista fetches the little one and hands him over to DD. If you were a dog, you could have heard DD’s uterus cry out. She forces Jesse to “put that baby on your hip.” He does and looks like he’s about to hurl. Much like he did right before buying an engagement ring. Trista attempts to pry her baby from DD’s arms and bids the couple farewell.
So there you have it! I’m assuming…
Wait. What’s this? Hotter than Crap Brad Womack? Why are we on this fake set that is supposed to look like his living room? Is he watching the finale on a TV that is way too tiny and would never be in a Bachelor pad? Is that a hoagie on a plate in front of him? Did Hotter than Crap Brad just take a ginormous bite of that sandwich? Do I hear audio of Jesse asking D to marry him? Did Hotter than Crap Brad just choke back some of that hoagie when D answered yes?
And then my DVR cut off. This has ABC intern written all over it. Kudos my friend. You will be missed. Until the fall!
I’m all about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
I will miss these recaps like the deserts miss the rain! I too was shocked to see the Where are They Now on last night, and could NOT believe the “3 by 30″ that was mentioned! DD is the ultimate Desperate Debbie, and I hope poor Jesse makes a break for it before 5.9.09!
I was excited to “catch up” with some of the weirdos from the past…until I realized that ABC was airing footage that’s already been seen a few hundred times. Because I could fast forward through all of the repeats, I watched last night’s episode in about 15 minutes. And I want that 15 minutes back, dang it!
Lincee, you missed the part where HTCB kept eating through the proposal, then switched over to a game, then kept eating. Classic!
I DVR’d the show by accident also and when I watched it I had to fast forward through all but the last 8 minutes of the show as everything before was footage we already saw on other shows. They couldn’t get any new info on the past contestants??!!
The bit with HTCB had me rolling on my couch. What I want to know is if anyone else noticed what was missing from DD’s left hand?
Watching that episode again was well worth the HTC Brad moment at the end. Funniest ending EVER!
HTCB was hysterical! It was the best part of the snoozefest!
I watched the ending with Brad twice and I don’t get it. He looked completely unaffected. Did I miss something?
I was SO depressed Monday night without any Bachelor. I think it’s more depressed that there isn’t any Bachelor on for Lincee to blog about!
I was so HAPPY when my red light came on as well!
Lincee, you rock!
I turned this off about 20 minutes into it and went to bed, but I had to watch the last 8 minutes over on abc.com so I could see the last 10-seconds with Brad. Go Brad!
the only thing better than the ending would’ve been if OHCH had been sitting next to Hotter than Crap Brad and then they high fived after he changed the channel.
I thought it was HILARIOUS!!
What a waste of time…I mean at least get some fresh meat in the “where are they now” show if they insist on re-airing it…and adding the same DD/Jesse montage we’ve seen a million times now doesn’t count either.
But I agree adding HTC Brad at the end made it totally worth it for me! I loved that he just didn’t care about what happened on the show…thank goodness…now people can get off his back for not picking her! I still love HTC Brad! And OHCH!!
Did anyone else notice that DD wasn’t wearing “the ring” when she was “visiting” with Trista and Ryan??
Last night was a great surprise. I loved hearing about Aaron and some of the other “old” Bachelorettes. I really wish that they had given a recap on several of the other bachelors. I would love to know the latest on Lorenzo and Andy.
Again we have Ryan and Trista resurrected from the dead. I am sure that little Max should have his college fund completely stacked with all of the ABC appearances. I loved that Trista advised DD to enjoy the limelight and the invites. You know America’s Sweetheart will not miss out on that!!
Thank you so much ABC for FINALLY giving my boy Brad a little vindication. We have had to hear DD complain about being dumped the entire season and finally we get to see what Brad really thinks (he could care less)……..I actually think that footage was from his deliberation before he decided NOT to give a final rose.
BTW, Bob’s laugh was scary!
Great recap Lincee.
I didn’t even notice but I wonder if they were re-sizing it? Lincee I will totally miss the recaps but here’s hoping you will post random sound bites – love those too!
This is the source of the ending with Brad eating a sandwich.. I was pretty sure I read about it before..
http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20161757,00.html
Maybe they filmed it before the final episode when she couldn’t wear her ring?
A great and funny recap of a not so stellar ep Lincee. Thank you for all that you do to make the Bachelor so much more fun than just watching the shows.
Also, the girl with the orange peel teeth was in the Andy year Officer & Gentleman not Renzy (I boycotted the Renzy year but returned for the super hot Navy Doc. And that’s the year I found your blog).
Kudos to Brad for poking a little fun at the year or so of hell he has suffered since he cut DD off at the knees. Can you say “bullet dodged”? My guess is there is no one on earth happier about this new union than our HTCB. Enjoy the quiet, hottie, you deserve it…
god ty looks just like jasons ex wife
So wait, did they just re-edit the one we saw in March to add the stuff with DD and Jesse? Lame. I think Amy might be right re DD’s ring…
I went to the George Michael show too!! He looked and sounded fantastic!
Can someone post that video of Jason’s ex again? I’m on my lunch break and am bored…
EE#20,
Forgive me, but who is ty?
sorry, duh, ty-meaning Ty-Jason’s kiddo….got it. I was trying to tie (no pun intended) Trista and Ryan into what you were saying….after I looked at what I typed I realized what you were saying…..
sorry – ty is jason’s son- jason one of the final 2 in the bachelorette
“deanna’s new bestie” that made me crack up
i also liked when deanna said jesse and i will be friends with jason for a long time. not forever- but a pretty long time : )
aggiefan- no worries. : )
Dang, Lisa #16, you have an amazing memory. Color me impressed!
I bet that Brad footage was shot back during his season, and they just edited the part that was showing on TV when he changes the channel.
Thanks Lisa #16… I thought I had remembered reading about the sandwich before!
# 18 Janine – sorry to correct you but Kristen (the girl with the orange peel) was from Dr. Travis season
For SwirlyTurtle: You are correct. The network didn’t want that shot of Brad to be the ending.
Was it just me or did Aaron look like he needed sleep? And a better hair cut? And a few situps and crunches? I thought he was so SUPER HOTTTTT during his season, but last night, not so much. He was not the looker I was so into before. He did not age well!!!!
HTCB was the best part.
Did anyone else notice DD didn’t have her engagement ring on?
Oh boy. I deliberately avoided this episode, and now I’m gonna have to watch it on abc.com to see the HTCB moment!
OMG Lincee, reading that you went to the George Michael concert brought a huge smile to my face, everyone looked at me like I was crazy for going! I went with some friends in Dallas and have to say that was the most amazing people watching/club dancing event I’ve ever been to! We had so much fun, I would love to hear your thoughts!
Regarding “Where Are They Now”…I’m glad you recapped this episode so I didn’t have to watch it, I started to and couldn’t stomach it, I was over DD and Jesse the second she let Jason get down on one knee then turned him down.
Thanks for the laughs and all the shame!
#24- Ty is Jason’s son…right?
Is it me or is Bob’s laugh the most annoying laugh ever? Yuck!
LOL! I totally agree – Jesse looked like he was going to throw up when he spoke about DD wanting 3 kids by 30. He is sooo not on the same page. Also looks like she isn’t gung-ho about Colorado. Poor Jesse. I hate to say it, but I never thought he was ready, and was stunned when she picked him over Jeremy or Jason (who totally were).
HTCB totally enjoys the drama! Why else would he agree to do that scene? He likes his role as the villian.
other than the trista and ryan therapy session with the new “happy couple” i think we’ve seen the rest of the “where are they now” clips before. and i rewound the brad scene a few times and it never looks real. they only show the back of his head when showing the scenes of the proposal. and it’s a pretty indistinct back of someone’s head. it could be anyone…say the intern perhaps. so it definitely looked edited. still quite funny however…
Actually, I think Kristin was from the Travis Stork season…he was so thrown off by the orange peel incident
Did anyone else notice that when Jesse took Superstar Max he made said something like, “This could be us. DD and I could have one of these in a few years.”? A few years?? One?? Does he NOT understand the timeline? In a few years, my dear Jesse, you are to have THREE of those little ratings magnets running around. Were you not listening??
bummer, now I’m going to have to watch the “where are they now” so I can see the htc Brad clip and see Jesse’s face with the “3 by 30″ timeline. Thanks for the surprise recap, Lincee !!
The HTCB ending was better than any shot in the whole season, as far as I’m concerned.
The HTCB ending was better than any shot on any show in the last year!!! I couldn’t stop laughing!
Sorry to digress but I went to the GM concert last night too and it was the BOMB! Can’t wait to see Lincee’s review/rundown…..
I didnt notice that D wasnt wearing her ring but I sure noticed that she and Trista were dressed alike – jeans and black tank tops-
Great recap Lincee !
Deanna was NOT wearing her ring. what is up with that? it was after the final show because D said they were finally allowed to go public.
Pooooooor Jesse is all I can say.
And the HTCB moment was the only good part of that whole show!
I can’t believe its over ! The past 4 months of awkward bliss have been fun. We didnt even have a break between monkeylove and manhunt. When does season 13 start ?
Why must they bore us playing the same clips OVER AND OVER? There were other people they could have updated on. As for the HTC Brad clip–it was funny but edited. Does ABC think we are that stupid or was it supposed to be just a joke? They are really S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G it out too far replaying the same old stuff.
“You could hear her uterus cry out.” Top 5 Lincee lines. Nearly spit out my Diet Coke on my keyboard.
Kristen with the orange peel was from Dr. Travis season. I was horrified when she did that… poor girl. There is for sure a “bless her heart”. And he (Dr. travis) lives in Breckenridge too by the way. You can see him buying his groceries every Monday at the grocery store. Not sure what it is about Breck/Vail and the Bachelor…
Julie and harvi4 – I noticed that too!!! I’m like..okay so when did this tape if she don’t have on that rock?!?! I thought it rather odd myself. And the dressing alike thing was just too weird too! I noticed that right away. Also, who let them in the house…that was kind of weird with them just coming up the stairs and all.
Oh Lincee you are awesome and I will miss the recaps – “You could her her uterus cry out” Awesome – until next time! I’d be annoyed w/ another show b/c really they should just give up the ghost, but I will suffer through if it means getting a recap from you b/c as we all know – YOU ROCK…and The Bachelor would be NOTHING without you!
LW – I thought so too! Its like…uh dude…don’t do that! He sounds demonic!
I thought the whole show was a repeat except for the D and Jesse parts. As for Trista and Ryan…they are so cute…BUT does Ryan say anything…ever? I am “just saying.” Max and his onesies…I thought I was the only one who noticed what they said! FUNNY! Totally agree about the Green Peas. Lincee should market that, FOR SURE! They would sell.
Check out http://www.deannaandjesse.com. Bookmark that for BLOGS!
PLUS…I heard Jeremy “Germy” is dating Chelsea from Matt Grant season. Any scoop on that?
Awesome recap, Lincee! This was like the icing on the cake of a great season. And the ABC intern got to my DVR, too. All I got to see was HTCB taking a nice big bite of that sandwich. But, I will play that last 30 seconds over and over again until next season when they give us all something else to watch! Thanks for making my Tuesdays at work so much more entertaining!!
You know who Jesse looks like to me? MICHAEL DOUGLAS!! Look at the photos from the MTv thingy. A young Michael, no?
I think you should have copied your exact same post from four months ago and just changed the beginning and the end, just like ABC.
And if anyone was really buying the acting of Shayne and Matty, buy it no more. From today’s NY Post:
ONCE again, “The Bachelor” has picked the wrong woman. Last season’s hunk, Londoner Matt Grant, picked Lorenzo Lamas’ blond, bobbleheaded daughter, Shayne , as his bride to be. After Grant moved to LA to be near his honey, Lamas, a wannabe actress, set up several photo shoots for paparazzi on a California beach. But photographers were nowhere to be found last Tuesday when she hooked up with Las Vegas media magnate Justin Weneger at Blush in the Wynn. “Matt has no idea,” said our source. “She hasn’t dumped him yet.” A rep for the couple didn’t return calls, and a rep for the show declined to comment.
I kind of wanted the relationship between Matt and his “monkey” to work out…not shocked that it didn’t…but still. Another one bites the dust.
Just wanted to comment on the Colorado connection….I’ve seen both Travis and Prince Lorenzo out and about in Denver and Vail (and I don’t even live in Colorado!) Didn’t talk to Travis but he was with a group of friends and definitely didn’t have a woman with him, though lots of young silly girls were trying to approach (this was last August). Saw the Prince in Vail after a long day of skiing and night of dancing and fun. My best friend had had a little too much and said to him “hey, you picked the wrong girl!” he laughed and then his friend interjected with “don’t worry, he got both of them!” What the heck is that supposed to mean???
#62, now that’s funny! Perhaps both girls said “go” not “no” in the forego fantasy suites! This show is soooo lame, why do we love it??
#62 – Lorenzo picked Jen but when it didn’t work out he dated Sadie for a little while. Needless to say that didn’t work out either.
I live in CO and I’ve never seen Travis…but I will be on the lookout for any of them from now on!!
I fly a bit for work and have had Heather from Texas has been my flight attendant multiple times… she didn’t mention in her bit that she still flies with Southwest. I usually see her from Austin – Dallas or Houston – Dallas trips.
TxAggie & Breckgirl….I live in CO also and my neighnbor was an er nurse in Ft Collins and said he was there. Of course this was a year ago so who knows!
TxAggie, my husband is class of ’96. We don’t do much anymore with the Denver club anymore since having 4 kids. What part of CO are you in?
#66 – Rachel – I am in Denver and actively involved with the Denver A&M Club (class of ’05)…it has helped tremendously with my transition from Texas!! You’ll have to let me know if yall can make it out to any of the events or football watch parties so we can gossip about the show!!
#69 – TxAggie – Do you still meet at LoDo’s for the games? My husband (and myself) are quite the fanatics when it comes to Aggie football (hopefully Sherman will do us good this year). Is Chris still the president? When we started Chuck (I think that is his name) was the president. We headed up the South Suburban football watching for awhile but it didn’t really take off. BTW, love this blog….have been reading since the email days!!
I love that Lincee copied and pasted what she wrote when it originally aired on all of the repeat parts. If they didn’t give you anything new, why bother writing something new. It was great the first time. Especially the line about the mute husband!
Rachel – we definitely still watch the games at LoDo’s! We were at Blake St. Tavern for a while during basketball season since LoDo’s was remodeling, but back to the usual now! And Tamra is actually the current president, but I am great friends with both Chuck and Chris!
Sorry for all of you non-Denver/non-A&M people…but this blog helps me get through the day! I don’t know what I’m going to do without it! Thankfully Project Runway starts tonight!!
I just want to say, I love reading your blogs!!! I got it off cafemom and print it off every Monday/tuesday for the Bachelor/ette So funny!!! But another thing you failed to mention was the gifts for D were also in the same handwriting. (Or I missed that part due to a toddler roaming around)
Rachel and TxAggie: I too am an Aggie (’91) in Colorado (Denver to be exact). Sounds like we may need to have a little get together. Thoughts?
#72 – Do you do alot with the club? Like I said in my earlier post we don’t do much with the a&m club because 4 kids is too much (at least at the age mine are). We always have a big college football kick off at our house and then of course any one that wants to come watch the a&m games with us is always welcome!! I’m sure there are a handful Aggie friends that we have in common.
Would just like you posters to confirm that “IMHO” stands for “in my humble opinion” and not “I’m a ho.” See kt?
does anyone have a link to the video of brad choking on the sandwich? i can’t find any of this video on abc.com.
thanks!
Rachel and GBF we should totally have an Aggie/Fans of the Bachelor get together sometime! That would be too much fun!
I’m so bummed! My DVR let me down.
Thanks for the recap – I’m only disappointed that I missed the HTCB scene.
I heard awhile ago that the Prince dumped his girl and has started dating the one he rejected at the final rose ceremony. Wish they would have filled us in on that.
99% of that show Monday was repeats of previous shows YAWN!!!! I would love to see a new recap show – how are Mary and Byron doing after the domestic violence episode, what ever happened to “my eggs are rotting” – some of the more memorable bachelorettes and bachelors. What about Jerry O’Connell and Sara???
Looks like they’re pushing for Jason to be the next bachelor
http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/chris-harrison-jason-mesnick-on-my-short-list-be-next-bachelor-7466.php
HA! (says it all)
Check this out! He still looks good to me!
http://realityupdate.wordpress.com/2008/07/25/brad-womack-speaks-the-former-bachelor-tells-all/
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