Oh my. What in the world? Seriously? You’ve got to be kidding me. Huh? Note to self. I think I’m going to hurl. Where’s my bucket? I need to stay behind this pillow. Shut up. Oh no she didn’t! NERVOUS LAUGHTER. I’m so embarrassed for her right now. Can I crawl under this couch? Mute button. Press the mute button now. Is that a leotard? I’m going to need something sharp to jab in my ear. Inappropriate and you know better young lady. Sick! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING!
And that was just in the first 10 minutes of the show. It’s THE most dramatic season of the Bachelor ladies and gentlemen and I loved every minute of it.
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover Christmas candy or have a Jazzercise instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
Oh my. What a train wreck and a glorious ride last night! Can I get an amen? And the mayhem started from the get-go with none other than our favorite wacky challenge…BACHELORETTE KARAOKE!
Oh it’s on.
Our Host Chris Harrison reminds the girls that this week, there will be one group date, a two-on-one (where only the strong survive) and a one-on-one date. In order to find out who will be the lucky girl to hang out with Jason, the girls will have to write and perform an original love song for our Bachelor. And snap! You have 30 minutes! Ready, set, GO!
Needless to say, tank tops, scarves and side ponytails went scattering in various directions. Naomi mutters under her breath that she is nervous. Molly channels her inner Tina Fey and concludes that humor will get her the rose. Shannon starts chanting word-for-word (because she had it memorized) Jason’s rap from DDAHnna’s season and begins changing lyrics to match her own feelings.
And Lauren lets the viewing audience know that her little ditty is going to be melodically pleasant and something you would probably hear on the radio just in time for Spring Break 2009. Holla!
We find beauty queen Nikki hyperventilating in the bathroom. The ABC Psychotherapist is with her trying to calm her nerves.
Nikki: “I can’t do this. I’m having a hard time. It’s impossible. Create a masterpiece in 30 minutes? It can’t be done! Why are you doing this to me?”
PSYCHOTHERAPIST: “Technically, we are at about 25 minutes Nikki, but don’t concentrate on that. Concentrate on what you know. And that’s how to win. Win pageants! You can do this. I know you can!”
Nikki: “It’s very hard for me to open up. I don’t know how to be creative. I’m too much of a control freak. I can’t be silly. It’s not my nature. I hate singing.”
PSYCHOTHERAPIST: “What did you do for your talent when you won Miss Illinois Nikki? Everyone sings. Surely you can whip out some ‘Old Man River’ or “God Bless the USA.’ Everyone loves a patriot.”
Nikki: “Fool! Are you trying to sabotage me? You heard the rules. THEY SAY IT HAS TO BE A LOVE SONG! Rules are meant to be followed. Besides, my talent for Miss Illinois was not singing. I embraced the arts. I twirled fire in the preliminaries and did a ventriloquist act during the finals. Her name was Aurora and she was a fairy princess from far away looking for her one true love.”
PSYCHOTHERAPIST: “Maybe you can sing Happy Birthday?”
Nikki: “I would rather have a tarantula crawling up my arm. Oh the horror. How many minutes left?”
PSYCHOTHERAPIST: “We are down to 17. Is there ANYTHING you feel comfortable singing?”
Nikki: “Babies. I’ll recite the lullaby I sing to my pretend baby when I’m home by myself watching Steel Magnolias on weekends. I totally have it memorized. But what about my stage fright?”
PSYCHOTHERAPIST: “Close your eyes Nikki.”
Nikki: “I know I’m pretty, but I’m not comfortable with that weird thing that Stephanie does…”
PSYCHOTHERAPIST : “No, no. Well…maybe later. But my point is…close your eyes. Can you see the baby? Can you smell the baby?”
Nikki: “Yes. I smell baby powder and Destin diaper rash cream.”
PSYCHOTHERAPIST: “Own the moment girl and make me proud.”
Jason tells us that forcing the girls to make a fool of themselves is something he’s always wanted to do since DD did it to him last year. But this isn’t about embarrassing them. It’s about who opens up and just goes for it.
Molly is up first. Here’s a little snippet from her song.
Sing to the lyrics of “I Like Big Butts.”
I like burgers and hot French fries.
You other foods can’t deny
And when a boy walks in
With a great big grin
And a bag of Chick-Fil-A
You get…
A rose apparently.
Shannon raps about how hot their love connection is.
Jason gives a fake smile.
Melissa talks about oysters, watery eyes and blimps that talk to her.
Jason thinks she’s so cute.
Naomi sings about how she is a butterfly.
Jason wonders there’s a tiger somewhere in there to unleash.
Stephanie sings opera at the top of her lungs. It’s not that we care that all the mirrors and crystal champagne flutes broke during her turn. I’m sure you were more transfixed by the outfit, or lack thereof, that Stephanie had on. No, no…it wasn’t a pink half shirt and skinny volleyball shorts. I’m 100% confident that it was an outfit straight up from Sophie’s closet. I believe she was also wearing toast tights. I’m just saying.
Jillian hops up on the bar and reenacts the “Cowboy” scene from “Coyote Ugly.”
Jason howls at the moon.
Lauren has the ABC intern fetch her microphone and sound system while she practices some vocal exercises in the bathroom. Once she gets the “one minute knock,” she returns to the group, waves and thanks them for coming to hear the show. Lauren sings about being all alone and wondering if I should go home. This is subliminal messages she’s directing towards Jason, because clearly SHE is in control and will decide if she stays or leaves. Then she talks about how this thing we call love is a leap of faith in the chorus. All the girls are watching Jason’s reaction, because Lauren is definitely the best singer of the group.
Notice I said group. I didn’t say she was a finalist on American Idol.
Meanwhile, Nikki is fanning herself because she is so nervous. She practices her breathing techniques and plasters the fake smile across her face as she heads toward the front of the group. She tells Jason that this is a song she wants to sing to her baby one day. When she’s done, the ABC psychotherapist walks her back to her seat.
Jason is proud of the girls for trying so hard, but he’s super stoked about the one girl who talked about him the entire song…and that was Molly!
One-on-One Date
Molly
Let’s stay home tonight at my place.
Molly’s date is all about keeping it real. Fast food and fake camping.
Now part of me wants to be funny and say something along the lines of, “Geez ABC! What’s up with the budget? Did you spend all your money betting on Spray Tan Natalie in Vegas? Diamonds, jets and blimps to Big Macs, REI equipment and s’mores?”
But reader…that would be a pretty good date in my mind.
Jason said that this date is just like him…chill.
Molly tells us that she’s so excited, she could pee in her pants.
Jason lays out a picnic in the living room. They chow down on burgers, fries and talk about life, love and other mysteries. Molly says that she’s ready for the next step in her life. Because she’s just out of college and there’s a whole big world out there to experience! She admits that she wants to have kids one day.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
Sweet Molly. Get your head in the game. Jason ALREADY HAS a kid.
Home boy calls her out and says, “Well…how do you feel about dating someone who is divorced and already has a child?”
Molly delicately back pedals and says that she has no problem with someone who has been married before with kids. Then she does some weird voo-doo with her eyes and makes Jason get lost in the sparkle. His words…not mine.
Jason loans Molly some of his comfy clothes and takes her out to a tent on the putting green in the back yard. They make s’mores and visit about how tough it is for Molly to share him with other girls.
They sit Indian style and talk about it.
Molly: “I’m having the time of my life. I see myself with someone like you.”
Jason: “That’s great. It’s hard for me to sit like this because my knees are 10 years older than yours, but keep going.”
Molly: “When I think of qualities I want in a husband, you have them all.”
Jason: “Seriously. I’m going to have to straighten this leg out. And your eyes are doing that weird come hither thing. Let’s make out.”
Molly: “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you.”
Jason: “I’m going to give you this rose so we can take this party into the party tent. Will you accept this rose?”
Molly: “Of course!”
Jason: “Great. Intern…did you get what was on my list? Is everything in there? Good. Hop in girl. Move all those pillows and rose petals out of the way. Pay no attention to what’s in that brown paper bag. We’ll get to that later. Let me zip this up so we can be alone.”
Then we hear laughing. And Jason telling Molly she has super soft skin. I didn’t make that up. And then we hear smacking noises. And a zipper.
I’m quite sure that the smacking noises were from Molly eating her burger three hours prior to this moment. And since they both had on basketball shorts, I’m pretty sure the zipping sounds we heard was regurgitated sound bites from the tent. I’m just saying.
But then we hear distinct, very graphic moaning sounds coming from the tent. Our Host Chris Harrison steps in and tells the pervy ABC cameramen to give the guys some privacy and the next thing we know, we are at the cougar den with the other women.
Where we find Stalker Shannon waiting up for Molly to return home so she can hear how the date went.
Unfortunately, Stalker Shannon didn’t expect the rooster crowing or the subtle squeak of the front door opening to wake her from the uncomfortable position on the couch. All the girls in matching robes attack Molly when she enters the casa making her walk of shame through the kitchen. Stalker Shannon wanders over to the group and asks, “When did you get in?”
Molly plasters a grin on her face and doesn’t even have to answer because all the other girls answer for her. Stalker Shannon gives the best death glare of the season!
Molly: “I didn’t get much sleep. I’ll be napping all day long. I sure hope Jason doesn’t fall asleep on the big group date today. Bye girls!”
Melissa doesn’t like that Molly smells like Jason and is wearing his pants.
Group Date
Jillian, Lauren, Shannon, Megan, Melissa, Naomi
Want to play doctor?
Nikki learns that she is not going on the group date and will be “up against” Stephanie in the dreaded two-on-one date. She announces to the group that she will start crying in 3.4 seconds and Stephanie rushes to her side to cradle and rock her in comfort.
The doctor date girls have no clue what they are doing until they pull up outside General Hospital. The phrase “SHUT UP” was uttered 19 times in the limo. I counted. They talk about how they are on a Hollywood set. I personally do not think daytime soap operas are Hollywood, but that’s just me. Now if we were at the GCAC talking to Young & the Restless actors…that would be a different story.
Stalker Shannon holds Jason in a death grip. She’s a bit concerned because the last time she saw Jason, she had a bit of vomit hanging from her lower lip. She is confident that today is the day she needs to make a move.
Jason lets the girls know that they will not be watching…put participating in a soap opera. The girls are PUMPED! Random actress one and dorky actor two take the gaggle down to hair and makeup, conveniently stockpiled with all the Fredrick’s of Hollywood slut Halloween outfits a girl could dream about!
Shannon is the slutty nurse. Jillian is the slutty cowgirl. Melissa is the slutty cop.
Lauren is the slutty jilted wife. Naomi is the slutty maid, complete with feather duster. And Megan is just straight up slut in black mesh lingerie.
Jason is wearing scrubs and must role play (literally) with each girl in different scenarios. Random tween actor is excited to be near girls with boobs. Random tween actress asks if anyone would like to show the group how to properly perform an on-screen kiss with Jason.
Stalker Shannon, as she likes to do at rose ceremonies, answers the question before Tween can finish and steps up to the plate. Tween reminds the girls that there is no tongue in film kissing.
Shannon goes all in and kisses Jason with full force in front of the other girls and the tweens. Jason wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his scrubs as Shannon yells, “I kissed Jason! I’m dying! I kissed him! I loved it. I felt a connection. THIS IS REEEEEAAAAALLLLLL!”
Melissa and her weird hair poof are very irritated to see Jason kiss other girls.
Our first take consists of Jason, Naomi the slut maid and Lauren the jilted wife in a scene where Naomi is FORCED to kiss Jason over and over and over and over again. I was so freaking embarrassed that I had to fast forward. I promise you it lasted 10 minutes. They made out about 67 times. No exaggeration.
In scene two, Jillian the sexy cowgirl gets a proposal from Jason and then they share an awkward kiss. Yippe-ki-ay!
For the first time, Megan is able to unleash her inner seductress and just be uninhibited with Jason. She has never kissed him before, but she is going to throw the “no tongue” rulebook out the window and play some tonsil hockey during this rare occasion. Jason’s character says that he only has eyes for her and her black nightgown. Megan jumps his bones and mugs down hard and dirty. It’s like something you would see from Wild Kingdom. Or Lifetime After Dark.
Megan admits to Melissa that is was real and she loved it.
Jason is super stoked and high from making out with six of his 10 fantasies. He is excited to take the girls to a “Hollywood” wrap party on top of a building. There are cool funky chairs, tons of candles, pillows galore and furry blankets for everyone! What comes before part B? PART-A!!!
Jason soon gets a clue and realizes that the mood is not one of a cocktail party, but more on the level of reception at grandma’s house after the funeral. He senses that emotions are really high and decides he should talk to the girls.
Meet Captain Obvious America!
We find Naomi red and blotchy, pouting on the couch.
Jason: “Hey Nay. Sup my playa?”
Naomi: “I’m just upset. I see that you glow when you are with other people.”
Jason: “That’s just this cool face cream Natalie gave me before I gave her the boot. You know that you and I have a connection. You’re my boo.”
Naomi: “This is very scary. You called me boo. Is that a good thing or bad?”
Jason: “I always want the best for you.”
Lincee: “Uh oh.”
Naomi: “But we haven’t had one-on-one time.”
Lincee: “Precisely.”
Jason: “I always want the best for you. We will be in each other’s lives forever. With or without each other.”
Lincee: “Crystal clear Jason.”
Jason makes out with Naomi and bounces back to the other girls. Ready to get his robot on like he did at the pool party when everyone had so much fun! But he spies Melissa. And she looks like the Dallas Cowboys just lost the Super Bowl in the last 10 seconds of the fourth quarter.
Jason: “You okay Spunky?”
Melissa: “Watching you interact with other girls really hurts me.”
Jason: “But you understand that I have to do that, right? You understand the concept of the show?”
Melissa: “Yes, but…” Melissa proceeds to ugly cry in front of Jason and immediately hides her face in his chest…which we all appreciated.
Jason: “Hey…I want you to be yourself. Don’t be embarrassed.”
Melissa: “That’s alright. That’s OK. I’m gonna love you anyway.”
Jason gives Melissa spirit sprinkles and wanders over to Our Host Chris Harrison. Our Host slaps him on the back and tells him that the night has just begun with the waterworks. He also informs him that the go-go dancers have been cancelled due to the counseling session that will be taking place in the next two hours. He wishes him good luck and pushes him towards the eagerly awaiting Megan…who takes a different approach: euphoria.
Jason: “Hey Megan. Do you need some Kleenex?”
Megan: “Heck no Jason! I’m sick of everyone crying. I keep telling them to rub some dirt in it and MAN UP!”
Jason: “Thanks Megan! Finally! Someone who is excited that we are at a wrap party. Do you want to go do some Jello shots with me?”
Megan: “In a minute. I just want to thank you first for this perfect night.”
Megan gives Jason an awkward hug. Jason pulls away looking suspicious.
Megan: “What?”
Jason: “What, what?”
Megan: “Nothing.”
Jason: “Why are you sad?”
Megan: “You are such a great person.”
MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO STALKER SHANNON MODE! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
Jason: “Come here. Let’s hug it out.”
Lincee: “Doh!”
Megan is upset that Jason didn’t kiss her. She tells us that she is perfect for him but can’t express it because that would be CRAZY! Jason shuffles over to Lauren who is sitting with the Stalker.
Lauren tells the camera that seeing Jason was love at first sight. She says she likes bossing him around and that boys like a girl who is dominate in the relationship.
Lauren: “You need to give me the rose tonight or I’m going to be pissed.”
Jason: “I don’t think you can force me to do anything.”
Lauren: “I’m not forcing you to do anything. I’m saying, if you know what’s best for you, you will give ME the rose tonight. And that’s final.”
Jason: “Pineapple.”
That’s their safe word.
Jason, feeling fully defeated, makes his way back over to Our Host Chris Harrison.
Jason: “Dude. Make it stop. I can’t handle one more girl crying right now.”
OHCH: “Dude. You have to keep going. There’s only one left.”
Jason: “But it’s her. How am I supposed to do this with her. I don’t think I can. Where’s the ABC psychotherapist? I need to talk to her.”
OHCH: “We have her on 24-hour watch with Nikki. She’s not here. But she did give me this little yellow pill that will make you feel all better. Do you want it now or after you talk to her?”
Jason: “I think I need it now.”
OHCH: “My thoughts exactly. Now get in there kid!”
Jason does a few jumping jacks, head rolls and trots over to Stalker Shannon. He waits for the mellow yellow pill to kick in. This is going to be a rough 30 minutes.
Shannon: “I just want you to know that this has been so difficult for me. Because I feel I know you and I feel you are cheating on me in front of my very own eyes. How can you do that? You have the best personality. I feel like I’ve frozen up and put wall up. I’ve developed feelings for you and why is someone opening up a squeaky door while I talk? Rude! You can’t let me go. I have so much to offer you and we have a connection. I want a one-on-one and I’m not letting you let me go. You have to believe me right now. Here is my heart on my shoulder. I’m looking for my best friend. I want to be a Mom and meet Ty. I really want to. Trust me okay. I want you to come home with me. We could sleep in the same bed and everything! Just come home with me. Keep me, keep me, keep me.”
Shannon proceeds to dive head first in a panic attack and cries uncontrollably. Because the mellow yellow pill has kicked in, Jason calmly hands her a black paper napkin so that she may excuse herself and blow her nose. However, Shannon chooses to continue her dissertation on “The Wonder That is Jason” as she blows her nose, picks her nose, wipes her nose and stares at him with a dangler in the right nostril and snotty napkin bits on her upper lip.
Shannon: “This is me. I pick my nose. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”
Jason: “Let me get that for you…”
Jason straight up pulls a straggly hair out of her mouth, wipes the snot remnants off the lip and quietly gestures that there’s a booger she’s missed. Shannon goes digging again and then hands Jason her snot rag. And proceeds to kiss him. Shannon is upset that Jason ended the kiss before it was over. Now she feels rejected.
You think?
Let the record show that I’ve emailed Our Host Chris Harrison as to what EXACTLY he gave Jason to help cope with this rather disgusting show of affection. I will let you know and we will all buy them in bulk.
Our Host Chris Harrison notices Jason conversing with Care Bears and decides it’s time to get him home. He encouraged Jason to give the rose to the closest girl (Naomi) and they all leave an emotional wreck.
Two-On-One Date
Stephanie and Nikki
Every princess needs a gown for the ball
Guess what? Nikki is worried she’s going home. Stephanie is pumped that she gets to wear a princess dress!
Jason is developing a stomach ulcer because he doesn’t like either girl and knows that one must go home tonight. He thinks Nikki is sexy, but stays in her protective OCD box. He thinks Steph is awesome, but is concerned that there isn’t a romantic connection.
What better way to open these girls up that a good old fashioned ball room dancing lesson? A lady teaches them how to waltz and they play this weird game of stealing Jason from each other. Nikki is (surprise, surprise) intimidated that she is having to learn something new and can’t practice in the gazebo next door for 10 minutes before Jason sees her. Stephanie reminds the viewing audience that she used to be a ballerina and turns with grace as Jason passes her around the dance floor.
The ABC psychotherapist gives Nikki a brown paper bag as the tears in her eyes glisten among the 40 million twinkle lights. She is upset that Stephanie is “winning.”
“She already had a man once. And she has a daughter. It’s my turn!”
Ouch glamour queen.
Next up? Small talk at the dinner table.
Jason: “How hard would it be for you to move to Seattle?”
Nikki: “Not hard. I don’t have anyone who depends on my. I’m all by myself. I can leave right now. I’m half-way packed.”
Stephanie: “I go wherever love takes me.”
Jason: “How do you see your future?”
Nikki: “My future is wide open and that includes a husband and kids. You have to be flexible. Just like me. I was in an 11 year relationship and it was tough. When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.”
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCH!
Hold the phone and back it up Miss Illinois. Jason whisks her away to see what the heck this 11 year relationship thing is about. Thinking that she’s only 25, Jason does the math and figures that she would have dated this dude since she was a Freshman.
Close…she was a senior.
Nikki says that she was heart broken and that she didn’t see it coming.
Jason: “How long ago was this?”
Nikki: “About a year.”
Jason: “Have you dated since then?”
Nikki: “I’ve been on a few dates.”
Jason: “Chris…I’m going to need another one of those little pills.”
Jason tells both women that they are amazing (the ABC cameraman shows their cleavage) and then he sends Nikki home. She did a great job with her “second-runner-up” congratulations face. Stephanie looked like she wanted to cry for her. Jason looked like he wanted to cry too. Because he knew that Stephanie would want to make out under than bazillion twinkle lights now that Nikki had said her last goodbyes and exchanged email addresses with the ABC psychotherapist.
Stephanie looks into Jason’s eyes and says that she wants to kiss him. Jason wonders if it will feel like kissing his sister like it did that time before. He soon learns that the answer is a big fat YES!
Mark my words…Stephanie is gone next week. Bless her heart.
Meanwhile, in the rejection limo, Nikki is confused and sad. She wanted the happy ending. She’s not good enough. Even though she is perfect and beautiful and trained to smile through disappointment, she will always be the reject.
Look! The mute guy has his hoodie on tonight! Girls squeal as Nikki’s 14 suitcases are taken away.
ROSE CEREMONY
Jason is upset. Not because of Shannon’s weird doily dress, but because there is so much emotion and drama. This is REAL people. He decides to find some sort of solace in his one BFF…Jillian.
Jason: “Are you cold?”
Jillian: “Dude. I’m from Canada, eh?”
Jason: “Why are you calling me dude?”
Jillian: “Because I’m cool like that. I call Harrison dude too.”
Jason: “Sweet. Want to make out?”
Jillian: “Like mustard on a hot dog.”
Jason goes and finds his other bundle of positive energy.
Melissa: “Give me a J! Give me an A…”
Jason: “You don’t have to do that. Are you okay?”
Melissa: “Yeppers. Sorry you had to see me cry yesterday. I was emotional.”
Jason: “It’s okay, but don’t do it now.”
Melissa: “I won’t. I want you to know that I know you. I like the freckle on your eye and the mysterious hole in your ear.”
Jason: “You are cute.”
Melissa: “You are totally a-w-e-s-o-m-e!”
Jason heads over to Megan who is rockin’ the side pony.
Jason: “How are you?”
Megan: “OMG…I’m totally stoked to be here.”
Hey. I watch Gossip Girl too. XoXo.
Speaking of immature high schoolers, Lauren is still playing this dominatrix game with Jason. She wants him to know that she is MAD she didn’t get the rose.
Lauren: “I’m blunt and direct. Why did you give me the rose? You didn’t follow my specific directions.”
Jason: “Pineapple.”
Lauren: “Don’t give me that. I said that you were meant for me! You are going to get it. I’m gong to have the ABC intern put the iron spikes in the whip mister.”
Jason: “PINEAPPLE. PINEAPPLE. PINEAPPLE!”
Then they make out because he feels his life is in danger.
Our Host comes in and clinks his champagne drink. Jason makes a mad dash to the Pier One Wall of Shame and spends one minute deliberating with Chris Harrison, as they comb over the by-laws to see if he can refrain from handing out the final rose. The producers think it makes for great TV and decide that the drama will be AMAZING!
Roses are handed to:
Melissa
Jillian
Megan is told she is amazing. Shannon is told she’s beautiful. And Lauren was told she was brutally honest. Our Host walks up (AWKWARD) and tells them that they have to say goodbye. Then they are all escorted out the door.
Lauren doesn’t think it’s fair that Jason changed the rules. Megan admits that she doesn’t want to go home even though there is a 10-month-old waiting for her. And Shannon is excited to go home and brush her puppy’s teeth with an electric toothbrush and give him French kisses.
I know. There are no words.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
haven’t read it yet…know it’s going to be great…so excited when i clicked over to see that it was up. YEAH LINCEE!!
Unreal… How’d they find so many women with only rocks in their heads?!
Lincee, that was the best laugh I have had all day. I had to get a black napkin to wipe the tears and blow my nose. I couldn’t wait to see if you caught that Shannon handed Jason the napkin after she used it. LOVE IT.
I just about woke my baby up from her nap laughing OUTLOUD at the “I smell baby powder and desitin cream” ……………Oh, Lincee…. you are too much!!! =) Thank you for the fabulous recap!!!!!
Am I the only one who thinks that Nikki is the world’s biggest whiner?!??!!! She never had ANYTHING positive to say the entire run of the show. I do appreciate that she was more modestly dressed last night, though. I was starting to think the show would have to be moved to HBO.
Molly is obnoxious. She totally rubbed “shacking” in everyone’s face. Some people might be embarrassed that they slept over on the first date- but not Molly! I am not a fan, but from the clips we have seen, it looks like a brunette wins anyway.
I do think that Stephanie will go next. There isn’t any chemistry and she just looks too old for Jason. How old is he anyway? I like Stephanie,but she would have been better off with an older bachelor- like the fisherman (though he seems to like them crazy, huh?).
Pineapple…. Lincee, you are priceless. I was giddy when I went to bed last night because this show is crazy. I never in a million years thought I would enjoy Melba Toast this much. And it’s not because he is hot, it is because he has absolutely no poker face. I really think Melissa is a doll, but I think she is too good for him… not that he’s bad, he’s just… well… Melba Toast.
How can one season start out as melba toast and become the best season ever. I am so glad that I decided to watch. Great recap!
From Fredericks of Hollywood to Grandma’s doily dress- it’s like you were sitting there in the room with us! Love every minute of it Lincee!
Amazing recap as always. But how could it not be with so much good television to work with. Best like ever: Jason: “Sweet. Want to make out?” Jillian: “Like mustard on a hot dog.” Priceless!!!!
I also noticed that all of them were wearing the same robes, blue with white polka dots. Do they all have the same Victoria’s Secret PINK taste or is that all the intern could find on short notice?
And lastly, I am going to be so heartbroken when he finally lets Stephanie go. She is the sweetest person who has ever been on this show and I was floored with how classy she was when accepting the rose in front of Nikki last night. Poor girl!
Pineapple! LOL
I think its great how Jason cannot hide his feelings and if you watch his face, you know exactly what he is thinking about each of the drama queens.
I felt so bad for him for having to deal with the wrap party aka PMS party. Even over last week’s numerous awkward moments, this episode really topped the charts!
Awesome recap – you are hilarious!! I LOVE this season. I love that you caught that Shannon said “My heart is on my shoulder”. I laughed out loud when she said that!
Exactly how much botox does Stephanie have pumped into her forehead?
I watched Shannon’s segment with a pillow covering my face. That girl was painful to watch.
Interesting that they didn’t show much Jillian this episode…
The 80′s called and wants its side ponytail back. WTF?
I actually love this season which is a surprise as I was not a fan of Jason. It’s like a train wreck that I can’t help but stare at.
BRILLIANT, lincee!!!! and an AMEN to you, my friend.
and by the way, your song…
Molly is up first. Here’s a little snippet from her song.
Sing to the lyrics of “I Like Big Butts.”
I like burgers and hot French fries.
You other foods can’t deny
And when a boy walks in
With a great big grin
And a bag of Chick-Fil-A
You get…
…was awesome.
I honestly feel like they’ve edited the show to make everyone seem crazy just to see what you would do with the re-caps, Lincee. So hilarious. I really didn’t think it could get any better than “I like bears.” but I was wrong.
OMG This was hilarious! My side aches from trying not to laugh uncontrollable. Here are my favs:
Psychotherapist: “Own the moment girl…”
Jason to Naomi: “You’re my boo”
Nikki’s confession of the 11-year relationship: SCREEEEEECH
Pineapple. That’s their safe word.
DUDE – this is the funniest yet, do NOT know how you do it. Thank you so much for the good, hard, laugh my friend.
Hardest to watch episode yet!!!! Bless their hearts..
And, where is DeAnna? From that initial preview it looked like she’d be coming to the girls’ house when there is still a big group.. Ideas?
“That’s alright. That’s OK. I’m gonna love you anyway.”
That just made my 2009!
How RUDE was it when Nikki basically said that Stephanie shouldn’t “win” because she already had a man and “unfortunately, he died”. Talk about insensitive!!
CLASSIC Lincee recap – this one had me laughing the whole time!! Love the “toast tights” drill team shout out!!
#5 Claiborne, I *completely* agree about Nikki being the biggest, negative whiniest baby EVER!!!! Like someone else posted, “buckets & buckets of issues” to work out there…yikes! And YES, Molly WAS obnoxious with the whole sleepover date. “Pineapple” & “little yellow pill” = CLASSIC hilarity, Lincee! Thanks for making melba toast far less bland !!
Hi Lincee,
I’m along time lurker and fan of your blog. This was a spot on recap of the episode. I predict the preview of Jason crying like he broke his heart, will follow telling Stephanie he can’t give her another rose because the connection just isn’t strong enough.
I loved the safeword! Lauren is too self centered. I dont know how she is a teacher and able to give attention to other people when she wants all the attention herself. And I agree as well, Molly was so obnoxious. She could have just gone up to her room but no, she walks in and announces herself and says she hasnt been to bed yet. I was really rooting for Megan, but i think shes too insensitive at times. Lincee you are amazing as always!
I loved the mention of the “toast tights”…however, I’m shocked there was no mention of Nikki’s side burns! How could you miss them!!! Still pulling for Melissa! But I agree she may be too good for him.
Lincee, I have been reading your recap since back in the email days. This one by far is the BEST recap!!! I would love to sit down with you & watch an episode!
P.S…I’m a huge Stephanie fan! I am still holding on to hope that she wins!
LOL line of the week:
(when nikki says she started her 11-year relationship as a freshman)
“CLOSE… you were a senior.”
HahahahahAHahahahahahaa. (a senior in COLLEGE!) she is at LEAST 35. no doubt. and don’t get me STARTED on “25-year-old” megan.
thank you, linceeeeeee!
Hysterical Recap –
Best Line: “Molly’s date is all about keeping it real. Fast food and fake camping.” Don’t you just love Lincee
Absolutely entertaining. I lied last week when I said that last week’s episode was the single best, nope it was this weeks. I laughed so freaking hard. Lincee your blog is the icing on my Bachelor cupcake!
Oh, and can someone tell Stephenie that Chachki’s wants back their 17 pieces of flare!!!
Not really surprised that pyscho Shannon brushes her dog’s teeth with an electric toothbrush and french kisses him too…and admits it on national television. Sick. Sick. Sick.
And to think that for once, Megan was actually the one I wanted to stick around! They obviously weren’t made for each other, so I completely applaud him for sending them all home, but I actually liked her this time around!
Go Jillian! Although, I’m a tiny bit scared for her, since I am fairly sure she might be slipping into that “just a friend” danger zone.
Melissa is too peppy, but she seems cool enough. I’m with ya in thinking that Stephanie is out next week. And Naomi irritates me a tiny bit. And Molly? Well, I can’t make up my mind about Molly. I want to like her, but I’m just not sure!
OK, we can see now who Jason has chemistry with…but the deal-maker is going to be “Who does TY have chemistry with?”
I love this blog! I now watch the show wondering what you will notice. I knew the heart on my shoulder and the snot napkin were not going to be missed. Jason’s time with Lauren at the rose ceremony cocktail party really did make me hide behind a pillow. Awkward!!!!!!
When the girls move into the house they get a big bag full of goodies from sponsors (shoes, clothes, makeup, hair products, jewelry, perfume, etc.) – that is where those polka dot bathrobes and hats/shirts with the silhouettes came from. They don’t get any gowns or dresses for the rose ceremonies and no clothing stipend, unless you make it to the final four. Once they are in the final four they move into a hotel and get some cash to go shopping with (around $500 a week or so). And then of course the show supplies the final rose ceremony dresses. Before the show the girls are given a packing list and told they will need to bring like 5-6 dresses to wear for the rose ceremonies, and then clothing for any and all activities you could imagine – it makes packing a rather daunting experience! The worst part by far is having to pack all that stuff up before e-v-e-r-y rose ceremony or 2/1 or 1/1 date…ugh.
Oh my word~ Lincee, you make my day! My favorite moment of the night was at GH when Stalker Shannon is in her scrubs and she says to the camera “I love Jason” while she’s holding a knife!
I wonder, which will be worse for Jason:
-Hearing Lauren’s song on the radio all of Spring Break 2009
-Being pelted with lacrosse balls and getting some major welts
-Knowing that somewhere, Shannon is always lurking….lurking
Lincee, aren’t there some guys back behind the Pine Curtain that would take a girl’s used booger wipe and use it for bait?
Great recap, as always….how did you miss the restickable sideburns this week? And Naomi…well, she just gives me the creeps….
Ahahahahaha! OMG- you are so freaking funny…I just texted my fellow Batch watchers and told them to READ ! We are all trying to figure out the Nikki Sideburns…what the hell?????? Boo hoo- I agree Stephanie is going next week-she is definitely Miss Congeniality…:(
Did anyone else notice that during the rose ceremony chats, when Jason sat down with the stalker chick, HE put her hand on his knee. I rewound it twice because I thought I was imaging it, but he did. I finally decided that he figured he was in better defense mode to know where her hand was at all times. I am sure at this point she has to be kicking herself for saying she was going home to french kiss her dog…I was so sad for her when she said that!
Howling….. just howling girl. Keep ‘em coming.
#17 – I also had the same question about Deanna. If you go back and watch the end of the 1st episode, half of those comments and scenes are totally edited to make it look it look like something completely different.
I bow at the feet of the master….
Melissa: “Give me a J! Give me an A…”
Jason: “You don’t have to do that. Are you okay?”
Melissa: “Yeppers. Sorry you had to see me cry yesterday. I was emotional.”
Jason: “It’s okay, but don’t do it now.”
Melissa: “I won’t. I want you to know that I know you. I like the freckle on your eye and the mysterious hole in your ear.”
Jason: “You are cute.”
Melissa: “You are totally a-w-e-s-o-m-e!”
Well done, Lincee. Well done.
BEST.RECAP.EVER!!!! My stomach still hurts! I missed the last 30 mins, but definitely looking forward to watching it now after reading your blog…should be even better!!!!
You ROCK!!!!!
My goodness, what a hot mess and great tv that was! Melba was really very solicitous to Melissa! He seemed genuinely upset that she was crying. He’s even nicknamed her! And I noticed he stands by her all the time, heads to her after being engaged elsewhere and during group shots he wasn’t far from her and directed a lot of comments (toasts and things) her direction. I think he’s smitten.
I think Jillian is a bud and Molly might be the other main competition, but her sparkly eyes and weird teeth bother me … something’s just not genuine with her, I just haven’t figured it out yet.
This season is fun, ladies!
OH MY GOODNESS! I’ve been reading your recaps for four seasons now, and although I’ve always looked forward to them, this one takes the cake.
I laughed out loud and I don’t do that. Ever.
Thanks!
Stephanie needs to be the next bachelorette. Such a nice lady, don’t think she could be mean if she tried.
Helloooooooooo??? WHERE is the updated Wall of Shame (sponsored by Pier 1)???? I’ve been waiting all day to see the sweet justice of Lauren’s face being split in two!!!
#44 – I totally agree. But I’m afraid she’s too classy for any of the men they might find for her. Classy doesn’t make good TV (as we can all attest to after this season!)
OMG (haha) i learned that last night. This is my first season reading your blog and i nearly had milk come out my nose this week. You are sooo funny. Keep it up!
And Mo, the chachki’s comment is hysterical, i love office space.
I’m another first time poster….
Lincee I’m not sure what I look forward to more. The show or your blog the next day. I actually shut my office door so I can read it while I’m at work. Although today I drew blood biting the side of my mouth because I can’t explode into laughter or everyone will know I’m not working and reading your blog instead!
Is there a petition or a write-in campaign to get you on the Woman Tell All Episode? Maybe you’re on it and can’t tell us yet?
jammf I like your prediction. Somehow I can see him breaking the news to her prior to the ceremony. Although if it’s what you’ve called, then that I predict its from the final episode. I think he will go to the one he doesn’t select and break the news before she’s dragged out and humilated after getting “all dressed up”.
To “Former Bach-ette” as a die-hard addict to this show (I have NO life) thank you for your behind the scenes info, I’ve read your other comments on previous posts. Boo on those mean ABC lawyers that won’t let you spill who you are. I have my own ideas though it would be nice to know for sure.
Lincee thanks again!! The world is a better and funnier place because of you.
Hello Ladies did you all forget that since Nikki got the boot, now she can “be a tourist in her own city” (which she told J that is what she does) I guess she won’t be touring Seattle.
Melba was just upgrated to Parmasean bread stick.
I swear if this blog stops, half The Bachelor viewing audience is gone.
Oh, Lincee! I have been reading the re-caps since the email days and have loved every single one, but this one takes the cake (and last week I thought you had hit an all-time high). How do you do it, my friend?
I burst out laughing at “That’s alright. That’s okay. I’m going to love you anyway.”. Although I had to read it twice to catch that wonderful Lincee humor. Oh, my!
And Shannon with the plastic knife…ABC intern you deserve a raise (again)!
#50-Allie!! Agreed….intern surely does need a raise for that one! I was in tears when I saw she had that plastic knife and professing her connection with Jason! run man…run!!! He got the message!!!
Just an fyi, random actress girl used to play on Days of Our Lives my personal fav. Not that it matters but, I’m just sayin.
Loved the safe word, and I laughed out loud when you had Jason use it 3 times. Love your blog!
This recap is one for the ages! Hilarious!
Did anyone else find it telling that Lauren sang a song during the credits about being famous? Wasn’t surprised she got the boot!
Favorite Line: “That’s alright, That’s okay, I’m gonna love you anyway!” I’m still laughing!
All I can say is that if Lauren was a teacher in my kid’s school…we would be moving ASAP! Can you imagine the way she must torture the little kids in her class? Spell ‘cat’… Spell ‘CAT’…. ‘I SAID SPELL CAT BEYOTCH!!!!!’
Scary….
Nikki is a self-centered, spoiled, insecure little twit. And those are the nice things I have to say about her after her comments about Stephanie already having been married and having a child. Serious witchlet.
Shannon – the ASPCA is watching you!!!
Lincee – once again, too hilarious for words! Thanks!!
Lincee- you are a priceless treasure! This made my day!
Thanks, Former Bach-ette! I don’t know who you are, but it could be easy to figure out since you posts are actually literate which would rule out many “former bach-ettes.”
I am seriously thinking myself nuts to watch this show. I could not do it without you. Heading to Houston on Thursday … I may need to stalk you and see if I can get some of your wit to rub off on me. You are too funny, Girl!
So funny! Thanks for the laughs Lincee! If they can bring back DD why couldn’t they bring back Hotter Than Crap Brad Womack to coach Melba Toast on the fine art of not choosing anyone without throwing up in the shrubs? I’d much rather look at him than DD.
That Nikki has a hole in her soul bigger than the one showcasing her bewbies in last week’s epi. She needs to buy a Value Pak at the therapist’s office stat.
I wonder if random crew man ever gets skeert of the “ladies” when he comes to fetch the loozer’s suitcases? They always howl and dash for the door. I shall call him Samsonite from here on out.
Umm, J? If you hear the sound of an electric toothbrush in the wee hours of the night please get up and run. Don’t bother putting on clothes. Just run. For your life. Maybe the sight of your nekkid butt running into the dark night will slow down Stalker Shannon a bit so you can get a good head start. Run Jason. Good luck and God Speed.
If Megan is 25 then I am 46. Oh wait. I am 46. Oldest looking 25 year old I’ve seen. She need to be on Bret Michael’s Rock O’ Lurve. Bet she’d be able to handle the roller derby.
Stephanie is nice and seems to have a geniunely good soul. I think she’s too good for him although I kind of like him too. I had more chemistry with my Donny Osmond poster in the 70s than she and J have.
Lauren is a bossy, overbearing, demanding wench. Bounce beeotch!
I like Jillian and Melissa with him. He seems to like Jillian and Melissa with him.
Who’s the other one? Whatever her name is I can never remember her. She’s pretty but leaves me full of meh.
Think DD reappears next week. Hope it is a short lived visit. She makes me stabby.
As a fellow teacher, I was ashamed by Lauren. Self-absorption and hen-pecking are not hallmarks of our profession. And for that matter, neither are are hideous, bejeweled dresses. What were those globs all over the yoke of her dress? Jolly Ranchers?
love the grey’s anatomy reference.
bye shannon. bye megan. by lauren.
thank goodness!
you are right – stephanie goes bye bye next week – i feel so bad for her…
and is next week when DDhanna comes??!!
Laurie – #60 – Teachers are awesome!!! Lauren is an embarrassment on all fronts.( Please know that my comment wasn’t meant to be disrespectful to teachers. )
PINEAPPLE!
I loved it, and it made me laugh out loud!
Thanks Lincee!
Did you read OHCH blog from last night’s episode?!?! He ends blog with: “I’ll see you next week and very soon I will be commenting on how and why I say ‘This is your final rose tonight.’ Until then, go French kiss your pet!”
CeeCee: I’d move, too, if Lauren was my kid’s teacher. I bet she’ll be out of a job soon. Remember that doctor woman from the first night of the Dr. Travis season who accused him on not wanting to procreate after he dumped her? I don’t know why that came back to me just now – maybe because both she and Lauren lost (will lose – or should lose) their jobs over their stupid antics on The Bachelor.
Of course, then there was Sharon who GAVE UP her job as a teacher to be on The Bachelor. Will wonders ever cease? Apparently not. Shannon said (and then said again, I believe) that she was going home to French kiss her dog. Her. Dog. Oh. My. God. OhmyGod.
We need to introduce Shannon to “Howl-at-the-moon-and-rip-off-your-shirt” guy from De-scam-ah’s season.
OK…so here is a bit of a scoop I found on another Bachelor blog. Jason’s ex-wife’s name is Hilary Madison Wynn. They apparently have joint custody. She is a 29 year old model. If you do a Google search for her, you can get the link to her Facebook page which shows a picture of her with Ty and a newborn. Interesting!!!
All I can say is that “pineapple” will just never, ever be the same again!!!! Freaking hilarious!!!!
Seriously! I didn’t know there were people this funny down the loop in HALLSVILLE!
You’re going to have to pay some sort of licensing fee for all the Jim Halpert faces this season. ABC’s The Bachelor, brought to you by NBC’s The Office…..
Wow.
Did anyone else catch Nikki say “Whoever gets you is SUPER-DUPER lucky!” when Melba Toast was walking her out?
PINEAPPLE!
You are seriously, ridiculously funny. And you are singlehandedly redeeming this season for me. If it wasn’t for your brilliant recaps, I wouldn’t be watching Jason and his crew of whackadoodles with side ponytails this season. I cringe and fast forward wayyyyyyy too much this go round.
I’m still cracking up from this morning’s post about Shannon’s doily dress being her great-great grandmothers when she came to the New World
Love you, LIncee Ray!!
When Shannon gives Jason a hug after being D-nied, she whispers something into his ear…I wonder what she says? Here are some thoughts.
–I will haunt your dreams. And Ty’s. Because I will hide in his closet and watch him sleep.
–I just put a booger in your hair. Cherish it always.
–Be careful where you leave your condoms, because I still want to have your children.
#73 I just laughed out loud! Hilarious!
Did anyone else see Jason on Jimmy Kimmel last night?
I missed most of it. But I’m certain it was “amazing”. JUST AMAZING!
Safe word: Pineapple
Knee slappin’ funny, Lincee!
Now I just have to know….is anyone else going to need sedatives before their next dental appointment?
Jason: “Pineapple”
That’s their safe word.
SO. INCREDIBLY. FUNNY. I still cannot stop laughing.
Lincee, You are a comic genious. Thank you for the recap I needed the laughter today.
To many favorite lines to go over all of them, but I have to say that I loved “that’s alright. that’s okay. I’m going to love you anyway”. I don’t know about anyone else but I used my best inner cheer voice when I read the line.
And “Pineapple” … Priceless.
I forgot…last night while I was watching, I was reminded of a line from “never been kissed”. John C Riley said it best ” It’s like the all humilation channel”
Ummmm, was it just me or did anyone else notice Nikki’s sideburns on the 2-on-1 date?
First of all, you’re awesome.
Second of all, during last night’s episode, my friend Liz hosted a Live Facebook Chat and we all commented on it as the show progressed. We surpassed 200 comments. This was my take:
I am pretty sure Jason’s current choices are: Crazy Stalker (Shannon), Botox Breathyspeak (Stephanie), Trashy Momma (Megan), Arrogant Biotch (Lauren), Perfectionist Sideburns (Nikki), and four normal girls (Molly, Melissa, Naomi and Jillian). Slut, Cheerleader, BFF and HotDiggityDog.
#73- OMG just laughed so hard im crying..
What is Chris Harrisons blog??
Keep it up Lincee, love it!
Thanks for the laughs…
Nikki’s sideburns were horrible last night. My husband even commented on how they were matching with Jason’s. I also had a proud hubby moment when he actually used the word “doily” to describe her dress.
I like the prediction that Steph is sent home while they are up in Seattle. OHCH let it out that they are up in Seattle for the next two episodes, so it should be good stuff. And I do think that Steph is amazing but will not make it to the end.
None of my “usual suspect” TV recap sites seem to be covering The Bachelor — and this is the best season ever! The cra-zay-zee-ness is off the charts! Good coverage, Lincee!
My favorite part was Lauren squealing “I have the strongest connection with Jason so the other girls should go home…’cause I’m getting married!” — right before getting the boot.
And Stephanie? Ugh, it’s like he was dancing with his way-older sister. ick.
“Our Host Chris Harrison see Jason talking to Care Bears. . ” SOOOO funny!!!!!!
Just a thought — Shannon should have saved her snotty tissue and put it on eBay for the highest bidder. Maybe she would fare like Scarlett Johanseen (sp?) on the Tonight Show who blew her nose into a tissue – and voila, about $4,000 later via eBay – for charity.
Good review. And yes, sweet, but oversexed and scary Steph, will be the next to go.
Jillian is a cool girl – but something tells me that she has some dark skeletons in her closet.
Molly, I’m sure, is there for her hope for fame and fortune – not for a ready-made family.
And, the others are a bit lack luster – don’t think they’ll make it to the finale.
“I’m just sayin’”
Okay…..I will fly to wherever you are to watch the finale with you. No, I’m not the next Stalker….just another fan. Watching the Bachelor and then reading your blog is the perfect combo meal. Can’t even comment on which lines are my favorite…there are too many. Pineapple, my new friend, pineapple!
The best blog EVAH! Too many LOL moments to name them all! I will miss Shannon, but I suppose I can just check into Jason’s myspace page from time to time for updates on her with her comments. I am working on my masters in counseling and I was using her as a case study!! Bless her heart. Oh and pineapple will now be my safe word! LOL All priceless!
Sorry folks, just don’t like Stephanie, I think she is a less obvious than Nikki Control Freak! She is very concerned with her appearance, botox, hyper-plucked, accessories… Before y’all say it, she is likeable, but she is not a backpack spontaneous kind of girl…which is what Jason wants.
I think Molly set up the whole, wearing his clothes thing – but only OHCH knows for sure! She was wearing comfortable clothes, jeans, etc. Either she spilled something or made a case for wearing his clothes and loved telling the other girls.
We all know that the bachelor kisses the girls, however, usually not over and over in front of them…they are a little more private (camera crew+2)! So the GH thing was really rubbing it in. Melissa got to wear a patient gown??
Interesting photos… his hair is SO much better now:
http://celebgalz.com/the-bachelorette-contestant-jason-mesniks-first-wedding-photos/
And Lince… “pineapple”… that will keep me laughing for weeks!
I TOTALLY agree with #88. Stephanie is a control freak, in a super controlled way. And not at all genuine. She hasn’t revealed one thing about herself that is real — which is precisely WHY Jason has no connection with her. It’s like she’s been performing what she THINKS Jason wants to see.
[...] one of the best recaps in Bachelor history, hands down, click over to Lincee’s blog at I Hate Green Beans. She managed to cover it all, gang, and it is SO worth the read. I will [...]
Lincee –
Pineapple? Freaking hilarious. I was following your emails religiously back in the day, and then fell off the wagon.
A friend of mine told me about your blog today, and seriously – my year has been made!
You are brilliant – and i vote for you to be on the recap show as well….your work is amazing.
Lincee, while it’s true that last night’s episode of the “all humiliation channel” could not have given you better material, you more than met the challenge. Kudos to you. Your recap along with OHCH’s comments makes Tuesday a happy day.
Nikki showed us a side of pageant women that I think many of us suspected, but couldn’t be sure about until her astounding comments and behavior. Between the scary eyes and the Elvis ‘burns, it was creepy to watch.
Stephanie is a lovely woman, but Jason is questioning the chemistry, for good reason.
Naomi, Jillian and Molly all sort of blend together for me as a viewer (at least until last night’s slutber party), so it’s hard to see them as sudden standouts for the final.
Melissa seems to intrigue Jason more than the others — I’m calling her the winner.
Thing is though — I’m gonna miss the French kissing stalker and her horrible teeth (a friend swears they are badly fitting dentures), and Lauren, the living embodiment of a great line in “Working Girl,” when Griffith says to Baldwin “I’m NOT steak — you can’t ORDER me!”
Good work Lincee — we’ve never needed laughs more, so thank you for the hilarity!
Jason writes on his People magazine blog that the evening in the tent was very innocent. They talked.
Believe what you will…
This was posted on OHCH’s blog:
“i know stephanie and her past situation… let’s just say… she is not as genuine and as nice as she seems to be… she has TWO step daughters that were her past husbands life… she threw then under the bus when she started this… now how sincere does that make her??”
Anybody out there able to verify?
OK seem to keep going to old posts and commenting this…third time’s the charm! Lincee – I really am not spamming for the Bumpit!
I love Melissa, but I’m afraid their attraction is too obvious and that a sleeper will creep through before we realize what is happening – that’s always the case!
That being said, I too was cracking up at Mel’s hair at the group GH date. You would too if you saw this infomercial at this site – bighappiehair.com
Mel was DEFINITELY bumpin’ a pony. Come on, girl, get your head, er…hair, in the game!
I need help ladies. I dvr’d Monday’s show (it’s set to auto-record all Bach stuff) and it only recorded ONE hour. Don’t know how long it was, but I lost it before he finished the 2-on-1 date!!!! I can’t take sitting thru the ABC online version which will force me to watch from the beginning.
What I really am curious about is that their teasers showed Jason at the rose ceremony stopping and saying “I can’t do this…” or something like that. So, what happened?! (I’m thinking nothing as dramatic as they’d like me to think, since Lincee didn’t mention it…)
Help?!
(And Lincee, you just get better every week…)
#88 I’m totally with you. . .there is just something that isn’t right about Stephanie. While she seems nice and genuine, I just don’t see how she and Jason would fit together. Thank goodness Lauren (aka Ricki Lake is gone) and Stalker Shannon those two gave me the creeps this last episode.
After reading your blog I always want to go back and rewatch the episode while following along with your commentary. But I am trying to keep my DVR from filling up since I seem to be addicted to every tv show, at least it seems that way. Thanks for saying what we are all thinking! I know it makes me feel better.
Here’s something I think all you Stalker Shannon fans will find interesting…..my sister is one of her Facebook Friends and she posted the following on her status….
First it said….”Shannon is laughing because what fans don’t really know is that I rejected the last rose!!!!!! Way to go ABC!!!”
Then she changed it to….”Shannon is also laughing because production pressured me all day to make a move on him (Jason) when I didn’t even feel a connection…it was all fake!! I chose to go home!!”
LOL! Sounds like somebody is bitter!
#96 Chickpea: ABC has it in 2 segments — you can watch part 2 only!
I thought it was weird that Molly had to wear Jason’s clothes. It seemed like the outfit she left the house in was comfortable enough. I wonder if they edited something out.
Hey, I’m probably a day late and a dollar short, but has anyone heard that DD and Jesse have called off their engagement?
http://www.usmagazine.com/news/bachelorette-winner-deanna-papas-calls-off-engagement?
Maybe she really is going to show up to tell Jason she picked the wrong guy and should have listened to her Yaya’s advice! No wonder that preview showed Jason looking like he was either vomiting or planning to hurl himself over that balcony! I never cared much for DD, and I like her even less now that she’s dumped poor Jesse.
Lincee,
I always knew I loved you…but the GCAC………I really love you! Time for NIck and Sharon to get back together!
OMG! I could not belive Megan said that! Huge red flag for anyone over the age of 12 there. And Shannon blowing her nose and then handing him the used napkin?! Seriously? I’ve been married for 14 years and would not do that to my husband. Love the recaps Lincee!
Love the recap. What does everyone think – did Molly give up the goods already? I doubt she did but I have a couple friends who think they definitely “went all the way.”
So glad to see Bartender (Meg), Bitch (Lauren) and Burns (Nikki) gone!!!
Oh Lincee… well done my dear. Well done. You are on fire this season!!
I was totally surprised to see them at the Inn of the 7th Ray for his 2-on-1 date. Thats a special place for my husband and I… and its even more beautiful than they showed.
Yes, Stephanie is totally going home. (BTW… I thought Nikki was okay until the comment about Stephanie already had hers. It was slow motion as I started to scream Noooo as the comment was coming out of her mouth) I really like his connection with Melissa… it seems genuine. I will say that Naomi has come out of no where for me. I didn’t see that one coming. Molly & Melba toast seem to have a thing going… so I’m guessing she might also be one of the final 2. And Jillian is a great bud. I bet she’s a blast to go out with for a girl’s night. But all in all… I think his final choices are actually pretty good. And I never think that!!!
I think the producers probably wanted the tent scenario to appear less “innocent” than it really was. I’m sure you didn’t see the reason Molly put on Jason’s clothes, because it was just the producers decision. My guess anyway.
PS Lincee – I’m not really a laugh out loud kind of person when I’m reading or watching tv, even though I’m dying laughing on the inside… but your blog this week got me in trouble at work! I kept laughing uncontrollably. LOVED pineapple and the part about Nikki not being into what Stephanie does. haha!! Brilliant.
Hey, can I point out that Shannon actually said she can’t wait to use her electric toothbrush and then give her dog a French kiss? The toothbrush is for Shannon, not the dog. Apparently that is one of her dog’s rules for making out with Shannon and frankly I don’t blame him (or her).
Stephanie is 34, two years older than Jason. Sigh, such a double standard. I agree that her personality is probably too sophisticated for Jason, but I hope all of the twenty-somethings who think she’s way too old for him never have to turn 34. : )
Okay, I’ve finally finished reading all the comments from both posts for this week. Lincee, it is official, you have THE BEST readers/fans of any other blog out there. Everyone is so nice, funny, etc. Even when you have bad things to say, you apologize for being mean first. You guys are great!
That being said, I have to say that I too am pleased with the girls he’s narrowed it down to. I’ve taken the suggestions of other post-ers and looked up pics of Jason’s ex-wife, as well as pictures of the final girls. Jason definitely has a “type” or a “look” that he is waaaay into. The pictures of Melissa I’ve found (most from her Dallas Cowboys days) have her hair down and I can not believe how much she looks like DeAnna. She looks a lot like Jason’s ex too. I think that might be what we are seeing when we see Melissa and Jason interact with each other. He is ueber into her. Whether that is lasting or not, I don’t know, but after seeing the pics online, I can surely say that I think he loves to be around her; she has a great personality (what we get to see), she is cute as a button with her facial expressions & such, and she is a mixture physical clone of the two other people Jason has fallen for. Just my opinion…
I want to know more about Stephanie’s late husband’s other two daughters….is it a fact that he had two girls when he married Stephanie, and is it true that she “threw then under the bus when she started this”? Stephanie just doesn’t seem to be the type of person to do that. She seems like she would be gracious with her late husband’s ex and his children. Of course, we are seeing ABC’s editing, but I just can’t see her being that kind of person.
Pineapple is now officially mine and my husband’s “safe word”. You bring more joy to my life Lincee! LOL
And finally, thank goodness the Stalker (yeah right it was her choosing to leave….whatever) and the world’s worst mentors (coach & teacher) are gone this week. I am embarrassed for them.
Looking forward to another long week waiting for next Monday night! Hey, we can read all the comments all week long…it won’t be such a hard wait!
Oh Melba Toast, you are certainly a magnet for the crazies! It’s like ABC pulled up to the nearest Funny Farm, sprung an entire ward, and delivered them to the Bachelor Mansion.
And I’m sorry, but does anyone else notice how weird Jason looks when he is about to kiss a girl?? He juts his chin out, does that weird mouth pucker thing, and grabs hold of the unsuspecting victim’s head for dear life. OHCH needs to show homeboy a reply or two of his kissing technique and get that weirdness corrected!
What IS up with Molly wearing Jason’s clothes? Did you all see the size of the suitcase she took to her date? Don’t tell me she didn’t have anything else to wear. And there was NO reason to wear his clothes back to the mansion except to completely flaunt the intimacy!
#102, you are a little behind the ball on the broken engagement. But that is okay because I am too, I just learned from the same source that Firestone and wife are having a baby! I so missed that somewhere. This episdoe and recap were great!!
I hadn’t paid attention to the sideburn, but after reading all the comments on here I had to go back to the trusty dvr & re-watch. Oh sweet Jesus, those are ginormous! I was mezmerized by their fullness. How does that happen on a woman???
The GCAC…yet another reason I have a girl-crush on Miss Lincee. It would have been great to see them throw down in the board room at Newman or Jabot!
#103….no, I can’t stand Sharon….No Nick & Sharon reunion PLEASE!
#113 I know! I can’t imagine how I missed the news about the broken engagement. Must be that darn “old timer’s” disease! Anyway, I’m thoroughly enjoying this season. Jason is sweet, and I love how he just can’t hide his feelings. He might as well have had a neon sign running across his forehead telling Shannon, Megan, Nikki and Lauren “Pack your bags, you’re going home!” The sign was there for Stephanie, too, but I guess he didn’t want to send both of them home from the two on one date.
#110 I agree that Jason goes for a certain “look.” I saw the pictures of his ex-wife, and she kind of reminded me of Lauren.
I also think Naomi might be a dark horse. She’s growing on me, but if I were her I’d be a little worried about that friends for life speech he gave her!
#115….ooh, I don’t think his ex looks like Lauren at all. Besides his ex’s HUGE dimples (which are adorable and you can see so much of her in Ty), she looks like Melissa and DeAnna combined. All the pictures and the music video she is in she has a little than longer shoulder length dark hair with gawd-awful blonde stripes. She has tanned skin, dark hair and is adorable…just they way Melissa and DeAnna look. You get a really good look at her in the music video. She is very cute. Lauren is very pretty (with an ugly inside-at least what we were shown). Jason’s ex, Melissa and DeAnna are all three very cute…especially when they smile. But I wouldn’t call any of the three “hot”, or “sexy”. They are just sooo cute! I predict Jason will choose Melissa, but I am afraid it might be his instinct to pick “the look” he likes and not pick someone most suited for him and Ty…and someone who will get along with the ex. That is so important. Plus, we are starting to see the animal magnetism between the two of them. Anyway, just a difference in opinion.
I don’t care for Molly and I can’t pinpoint why. She seems nice enough and I’m sure that all-night date was nothing like they made it out to look…the girl knows she’s on national tv and hasn’t done anything thus far (like some of the other girls) to make us think she is trashy.
I love Naomi….I know I’m in the minority here, but I think she is beautiful, exotic looking, seems very sweet and is into charitable work just like Jason. But I don’t think she’s right for him.
Jillian is GREAT friend material for Jason. She will be a fabulous catch for another guy, just not Jason. Again, I don’t know why I feel like that. She is pretty, smart, funny, fun to be around, seems to have a great positive attitude all the time…I don’t know. I think she’s a great gal and will find a great guy some day soon…just not Jason.
Stephanie seems to be a fabulous woman, inside and out. She has the best body of all of them. But she is extremely conservative in her mannerisms. I find it to be a virtue, but a guy from Seattle might always feel inadequate around a woman like her. Her mannerisms are very “southern charm”. I agree with other post-ers that say she needs a 40 something business executive that will take her on exotic vacations and Disneyland trips with the kids. I just don’t see Jason doing that. He’s a down to earth, hot-dog, hamburger kind of guy.
I covered all of them left, right? What am I doing still checking posts? I should be working……..have a great day everyone and THANK YOU LINCEE for your writing genius!
Amen! I’m so glad to be back on board! Thanks for the commentary and snickers!
Does anyone else think that one of Molly’s eyes looks a little cock-eyed?
Great recap as always and thanks for the shout to CFA!! Has anyone else noticed Oprah is rocking a side pony today?? I refuse to accept this trend. It was great when I was in the 8th grade for the school pic.
Pick Me. Choose Me. Love me.
Priceless!
And like, I’m so glad that, like, Megan is, like, off the, like show! Am I the only one that noticed how much she said the word “like”? And then, just like when you are talking with someone with a speech impediment you find yourself talking the same way, Jason would drop the “like” bomb every few words also!
Megan: Like, I like you so much! You’re, like, perfect!
Jason: That’s like so nice of you!
Where’s my barf bag?
And Stephanie, God bless her, her eyebrows scare me.
Great blog!
Oh.
My.
Gawd.
Seriously, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so damn hard. I have never read anything funnier than these damn recaps of yours.
Pineapple! I’m adopting that as my new safe word. Oh wait…I have to have a sex life for that right?
Shit.
hey great post lincee…there are other blogs out there that claim that there is a shocking ending to this whole mess…anyone have any idea … see realitysteve.com… what is fort and who is fort and people talk about the bloggers at fort… anyone have an address for them…
lincee you rock
Tiff – I think FORT stands for Fans of Reality TV. If you google that, you can find the site, but I don’t dare because I don’t like spoilers!
Lincee! I’m SO happy everyone in OHCH’s blog talks about how amazing your blogging is! SO true! Do you blog Y&R also, because I would SO read that every day!
I assumed they all had the same bathrobes because they were all walking around naked and ABC thought that might offend some viewers! Shannon was a “Hot Mess!” from her hair to her teeth and everything in between–she really thought she was not a stalker? Hmmm.
I’m also surprised that Lauren was EVER afraid of Megan–Lauren matched her bitch for bitch in this ep! Keep up the good work, and have a smoothie at Crimson Lights for me!
Hey I am so sorry if this has been posted already. Has Chris Harrison posted his blog for episode 4. Lincee have loved you since getting the emails forwarded to me way back in the day! You ROCK!!
Sorry forgot to add that I can’t find episode 4 when on popwatch. Can someone post the link if he has?
Thanks so much!!!
#126 – http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/01/chris-harriso-3.html
#126 – I tried posting the site but it is awaiting moderation. So there’s no delay, here’s how I found it (I had trouble too). Searched Chris Harrison blog on yahoo. 4th or 5th link was episode 2′s blog, so I clicked on that link for ep 2. Then there is a search box in the right-hand corner of that page.. Put in ‘Chris Harrison’ in there, and search…the first option that comes up is Ep 4 blog.
OHCH makes us work for it!!
I’m glad people enjoyed my previous comment (#73), although I was hoping people would chime in with their own thoughts. Maybe Lincee can hook us up in her next post.
To get to Chris Harrison’s blog, search “bachelor blog” on google, it will come up with the latest post.
Megan: “It’s almost pathetic how much I don’t want to go home right now.”
Me: “For the mother of an 18-month-old? Yes, it’s pathetic, all right….”
#126 ColoradoAggie and others…
I tried to post the link to OHCH’s blog, forgetting that this blog has a block on links. I emailed it to Lincee to post, so if she isn’t overwhelmed with email maybe she’ll put it here… (I too prefer a link to doing a search.)
I was just wondering if anyone else noticed Mollie’s stache during the one-on-one date. To be fair, without the help of a very talented aesthetician, I’d be right there with her; however, I’m not on national t.v. Someone needs to give her a stache, uh, heads up.
OHCH’s blog home is at EW.com .. easy as pie.
I haven’t met Stephanie, but I like her, although I really don’t see her with a guy who wears oversize gym shorts and a backwards baseball cap as casual wear. The stepdaughters thing just sounds like a pissy friend of the girls’ mother. The woman had a 10 week old baby when she lost her husband, which was 4 years ago. Unless she is in charge of raising these other girls I hardly see how she threw them under the bus to come on the show.
LOVE IT LINCEE. Fabulous once again this week. Have to say I was hiding my face and saying, “stop talking, stop talking!” many a time while watching. I am on the fence now about Jillian. I am still thinking there is a major connection there and that ABC is holding some of the footage. She was the only one who didn’t need one on one time on the group date and that usually says something with the favored girls. Molly is a player. Hard to think its not a game for her. Naomi, that hair is seriously annoying me. Please pull it back, put it up, just not sloped down in crazy swags in front of her eyes! And is some one else seeing a connection of how they get each other? Because I am not underingstanding that at all. Melissa, well….she is just s-u-p-e-r. The spirit sprinkles make me laugh each time. Shannon, well there really are no words for all of the moments, but the doile dress was a classic. As much as it was hard to watch, I still have the utmost respect for Stephanie and hope she has found her near 40 year old buisness man who will love and take care of her. She is classy, and not a match at all for the man. Lauren gave us Jersey girls a bad name. What was that about. PLEEEASE. Niki, a serious mess. Crying everytime she was faced with the camera was really ridiculous. And then there is Megan, my girl bar bouncer equivelant. She was nearly as crazy as Shannon wasn’t she? Just a little more brutal and under the surface about it. funny funny. Love ya girl, Kate
AMEN SISTA!
I have to hand it to you, this one’s a keeper… and most of this season’s girls are NOT (so clearly)…
After watching these girls boo-hoo it up, I’m hoping they’ll have an old school physical challenge (remember the boot camp the girls had with… Andy was it?)… I’d LOVE to see these girls whine their way through some trenches for Jason’s affection… I also kind of wish the producers of the Bachelor and VH1′s Rock of Love would collaborate… it’s all so very similar… the only real difference is that these girls don’t CLAIM to be sluts (at least by their words- actions are a different ball game). Just food for thought. Keep the laughs a-comin’ Lincee!
#75-Rena!! You are dead right on this comment! I had my dental check-up yesterday and was afraid that Shannon might be there!
#97-I believe Jason’s comment of ” I can’t do this” is referring to the final rose, and he “just couldn’t” hand it out to either of the last 3 ladies, Shannon, Megan, or Lauren.
Does anyone else think they aren’t showing Jillian time for a reason? Jason is SO easy to read, so maybe he’s really into her and they don’t want to give it away!!
I love reading everyone’s comments!
# 33 Former Bach, thanks for the insight. I so wish I could be a fly on the wall in the girl’s house. Tell us more!!!!!
Love the show! It’s the ultimate trainwreck! I’m sorry to harp on this, but let’s just say it’s NOT reality TV, but the real world. Can you imagine so many women throwing themselves at a single father, who’s a salesman, living in a very modest home with his BROTHER?
Whoever he picks better want to help raise someone else’s child, with all of the work, responsibility, and none of the say in how things are done, always have a job, and you must be willing to live where he wants to live, how he wants to live, because after all, that’s what’s best for HIM and HIS child. Oh goodie, hope I win! Yikes!
Just saying
Good point #136…. Jason is pretty easy to read. Maybe thats why Jillian and Naomi are getting shorter edits. Makes me wonder….
I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed that the dress Jason ‘gave’ to Nikki was not the one she wore on the 2 on 1 date. I’m guessing her ‘girls’ wouldn’t fit in the dress given to her, so she had to wear one of her own gowns. I’m just amazed it didn’t have cut-outs or a deep V neck to show them off one last time.
Thanks N! Ask me whatever you are curious about, and I will try to answer!
141 – If Nikki wore a different dress because she didn’t fit into the one they gave to her….can you only imagine the hysterics that she must have gone through trying it on???? Oh the waterworks!
She is such a control monster, that I bet she just couldn’t bring herself to wear the new dress simply because she hadn’t planned on having a new dress. She already had her swimwear, casual wear, and evening gown picked out for each specific day for the duration of her trip and could not stray from the plan!
Let’s just hope that that wasn’t the case. Maybe she just wanted to wear her one of her Miss Illinois pageant dresses for good luck.
Sorry – I meant #140 in my post above.
Former Bach-ette – Do you know if the Bachelor picks which girls go on which dates?? Or is it all planned by ABC?
Lincee, thanks for noticing the squeaking door while Shannon was preparing for her snot-fest with Jason. I had to rewind twice to make sure that’s what I heard. And it opened twice!! And can I just say that you’ve been promoting DVRs and TiVo since the beginning of time and I never took your advice until last year. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my TiVo. How did I ever live without it? I’d give up meals before I’d give up my TiVo!!
#138, you are absolutely right, he is no REAL catch!
Dear Former Bach-ette:
While you were living in the house, did they provide you with whatever food/drinks you wanted? We heard rumors once that the girls didn’t feel they had enough to eat. But I imagine ABC would buy them all sorts of food, etc. Did the girls in your season cook a lot? Did everyone freak out about weight and try to get some exercise in?
What are the dates really like with camera crews and producers, etc. right there? Did you ever feel you could let your guard down and actually get to know the bachelor? I know dates last way longer than what we see on tv…does it feel like you get enough time with the person to get to know him?
How do the talking head interviews go during a date? If you are on a one-on-one, does the producer step in and say, “Okay, Jason, you need to come over here and tell us how the date is going so far.” It just seems like it would be awkward when he came back and vice versa. Of course, you can totally tell some of these interviews were taped after the fact and then edited back in…
Former Bach-ette…how long have you been reading this recap? Did you go into the archives to your season to read…I thought it might be funny. Can you say who was the Bachelor in your season?
Anyone else, what is GCAC???
OMG. . someone just sent me the lyrics to this song and all I could think about was Stalker Shannon!!! Lincee, you’ll love this!!!!
IF MY NOSE WAS RUNNING MONEY
Mike Snider
You say that I don’t love you. You say my love is untrue.
Well darlin’ if I was a rich man I’d prove my love to you.
I’d buy you a diamond ring and a new fur coat or two.
If my nose was running money honey I’d blow it all on you.
If my nose was running money, I’d blow it all on you.
I’d buy you a Cadillac and a new Mercedes too.
I’d build you that mansion up on the mountaintop.
If my nose was running money but honey it’s snot.
If my nose was running money, Let me tell you what I’d do.
I’d buy you a John Deere tractor and we’d get rid of that old gray mule.
I’d carry you down to the store and buy you a brand new pair shoes.
And you not have to be plowing bare footed the way you always do.
If my nose was running money, We could have anything we please.
The first time you wanted cash all I’d have to do is sneeze.
Why we’d be living high on the hog and the hog wouldn’t be so lean.
If my nose was running money honey we’d be rollin’ in the green.
It’s a booger of a problem that I got.
I wish my nose was running money but it’s snot
I’d buy you a Cadillac and a new Mercedes too.
If my nose was running money, I’d blow it all on you.
If my nose was running money, I’d blow it all on you.
LOLOL. . Classic!!!! This is the song she should have sung for Jason!
By the way. . I would like to form a petition that Jason wear a backwards baseball cap at ALL times!! H.O.T.T. (yes, 2 “t”s)
Former Bach-ette-
Thanks! A few more questions for you… Can you ( the girls) tell who the bach really likes or does he hide his feelings pretty well? Does ABC show us what is really going on or sometimes show us what they want us to? Did you watch your season? How was that? Did they portray you how you hoped they would? I think that would be hard for me. Do you still talk to any of the girls from the house? Was it hard leaving them?
Thanks again!
Did anyone else hear Shannon say “Oh My Gooood” in a really whiney tone like 10 times? Everytime it reminded me of the little girl on Annie that says “Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness”
I know that a couple of people have mentioned this, but it is really bugging me so I’ll just ask – Jason says on his blog that the night in the tent with Molly was “totally innocent” This makes me feel SO much better, but am I being naive? I am starting to really dislike Molly…between her stealing Jason away from a conversation when she already had a rose, to her walking in the house in his clothes….I find her incredibly rude and tacky. Perhaps I just like Melissa so much that I am turning on her competition, but I can’t help it…Molly bugs!
#152, I also do not like Molly (something about her just bugs me). I think she was just playing up the tent date to bug the other girls. In her words they “stayed up all night” and “didn’t get much sleep.” I think that last one gives away exactly what they didn’t do. What guy stays up and snuggles, talks etc. all night after doing “things?” Who are we kidding, they zonk out! I’m thinking nothing happened and the producers made her go home in his clothes to make for some tensions in the house.
Can someone tell me where to find Jason’s Blog?
#154 Jason’s blog is at tvwatch dot people dot com and then look on the right side for his picture and link
You are so right Lincee. There are no words. I wish I could have shared the viewing experience with you, because your reactions would have been hilarious–there were so many!
#156… You gave me an idea!
LINCEE – you could fundraise for your website by hosting an event. You could get a hotel ballroom and sell tickets to watch a Bachelor episode (ok preferably maybe an FR?) on a big (huge?) screen, and you could be “onstage” with a mic, and sell tix… I assure you many of us would attend! Then we could all watch an episode with you, while we get your reactions and you get ours! Would be fun!
Having organized many large tv viewing events in my past, I know it could totally be done. “I’m just sayin’…”
I’m with #148. “Anyone else, what is GCAC???”
I don’t know either.
GCAC – Genoa City Athletic Club….a popular setting on “Young and the Restless”
#155 Thanks Nikki! Found it!
First time poster here. I am right there with the comments above that they aren’t showing enough Jillian to try and hide a connection between Jason and her. They are showing way too much of he and Melissa’s sparks this early in the game, which leads me to believe that he and Jillian actually have some major chemistry going on too. She just looks so content and sure of herself. She lives so close to him (just over the border in BC), and is closer in age. She has some rockin’ calves too, although we all know the “qualities” Jason seems to most admire in a woman.
I really do like Melissa the most though, so I hope he chooses her. I can’t help but pull for my hometown girl. Molly irks me, and I don’t really know why, and Naomi is just bland. Stephanie doesn’t seem right for him in the least. I think the DD comeback will be nothing, but Chris Harrison was on Ellen yesterday and she told Chris she thinks that Jason picks DD because she asked Jason when he was on Ellen and he paused before answering. Did anyone see Jason’s Ellen interview? PS – On a somewhat unrelated note, I totally saw Chris Harrison on his family vacation in Puerto Vallarta last May – he was really good-looking in person, his wife was a total hottie, and his kiddos were gorgeous.
Yet ANOTHER first time poster. Well, this is just great! Lincee, you’re a HOOT and I loved reading all the comments too!
Anyone who has not yet read OHCH’s blog should definitely read it. It’s at Entertainment Weekly (ew dot com) and once there just put Chris Harrison in the search box. He has to be a bit guarded as not to give things away, but he’s VERY entertaining! He’s funny (not laugh-OUTLOUD funny like OBLR is, but then again not too many people are THAT hysterical)! Chris still addressed some of my burning issues in his blog and he answers some of the questions that were posed above to Former Bach-ette. (I’m sure she too has questions she can’t answer because of contracts/obligations/ethical issues.) Chris does give some of the inside scoop tho.
I like Jason, but he’s just a likeable guy. He’s genuine, nice and down-to-earth with a solid sensitive side. Since these days so, so many guys are NOT, this in itself makes him a great catch. I like Jillian and I like Melissa. Maybe Jillian just a little bit more…I think she could be a tiny bit less “needy” than Melissa. Then again, that could just be the edit. Interesting thought that they might be holding back on Jillian’s footage since Jason is notorious for wearing his heart on his shoulder…er, sleeve. In ANY case I think both these girls will be hanging around for a while and either way, (although I’d hate to see him break one of their hearts which is inevitable), I’d be happy with his pick.
Funny that I’ve never cared for Molly either ~ even from the very beginning, and if pressed, I couldn’t tell you why. Just found out that I’m not alone…a LOT of people expressed the exact same sentiment! (If y’all figure out exactly what it is could you let me know???) After the tent and going back to the house, well, that just sealed it for me but whatever it was that made me not like her, it started waaaaaaaaay before that. And just like someone else mentioned, Naomi popped out of the woodwork for me too. I hadn’t paid much attention to her ’til she ended up in tears that last episode and her attachment to J really surprised me. I guess that could just be an overall lack of Naomi-footage.
I agree. Steph is NOT for Jason. She’s charming…a nice girl who deserves to be happy, but forget Seattle…I can see her in a great big old Georgia mansion with a summer home on the water. A 40-year-old southern gentleman/CEO would be PERFECT for her. If it’s not THIS week, it’s a-comin’ real soon. That’ll be tough to watch ~ I’m sure she’ll take it hard, at least initially.
I didn’t mind Erica too much but I’m not bothered that she’s gone. I learned the MOST about Natalie during her exit interview in the limo (OHCH gives some additional info on this). Stalker Shannon is a disaster. Not only that but she doesn’t handle controversy at ALL, unless you call puking “handling” it. The worst part is that she really thinks she’s not a stalker and that how she was acting was completely NORMAL. (Run, Jason, ruuuuunnnnnn!)
Nikki needs professional help. In all seriousness. I think she realizes that her OCD gets in her way somewhat but that’s what’s causing all her self-esteem issues. Anyone who cannot let their hair down in order to write and sing a little ditty because there’s simply not enough time to make it 100% perfect needs help in a big way.
Lauren is a disgrace. Thank God she’s not representative of the teachers I know, or teachers in general for that matter. And not only HER ~ thanks to Megan my kids would have to give up LACROSSE too. Just the kind of coach I want for MY kids…”cradle the f&%!ing ball and get your f#!@ing little as&#!es down the f!%$ing field and play f!%#ing defense for sh%#’s sake!” Great role-model for kids. Scary that she HAS a kid. I’m not sure that Jason has even SEEN this since so much of it was in the PI’s, just thank God she didn’t get to be around Ty. I mean WHAT a potty-mouth.
Well OBLR, your blog is soooooooooo entertaining! GREAT job…I can’t wait for the next installment! And thanks y’all for all your comments too! Gonna head off and read Jason’s blog which (thanks to you guys!) I just learned about!
Can we say sour grapes.
http://tvwatch.people.com/2009/01/30/the-bachelors-megan-says-jason-mesnick-led-her-on/
There’s an interview with Megan on realitytvworld dot com
Okay, I really liked Meagan…… not so much now.
http://tvwatch.people.com/2009/01/30/the-bachelors-megan-says-jason-mesnick-led-her-on/
Its always about her.
Lincee and WebMan. I am a big fan of the posts but the comments got me a bad virus on my computer. I clicked on the link provided in the entry about Jason’s first wedding photos (i think is was # 89) and I got the Zafi.b trojan on my computer. It took 2 days to remove. That was after it shut down my system and I had to call Dell to get it back up. Thankfully I did not lose anything. For the safety of others can WebMan remove the link above?
Love the safe word Pineapple. Hey did anyone notice that when the dresses were delivered for the two on one date that Stephanie wore hers but Nikki did not. I wonder why? OHCH should fill us in.
ahhhh!!!! I’ve still gotta read the rest… but TOAST tights! I love you east texas drill team lincee. this pine tree precision girl knows her toast tights. so glad to hear you hville girls sported them too!!
#135-Amen, sista! Right on.
I don’t remember who said it, but I totally agree about Naomi’s hair being too in her face/over her eyes. If she would pull that crap back into a ponytail I think she’d look prettier!
OHCH said it took an extra hour for Jason to decide between Nikki and Steph. NOT a good sign for Steph! Lincee, I’m sure you’re right about her leaving this episode. I know some great guy out there will find out about her and spoil her death, which she deserves!
I really enjoy reading everyone’s posts-y’all seem like really nice people!
What are your thoughts on the rumor Melissa is the winner of the Bachelor?
#121 Julie – ha, that was funny! I thought of all you guys this weekend when I went on a Bachelorette party and one of the girls was rockin a side pony. I hope Former Bach-ette answers the questions. Those were good ones!
OMG…Pineapple? I think I wanna marry you. This stuff is brilliant! I sure hope your still working on week 5. Go see what my BFF said about Stephanie’s overshare of what she does in the bedroom when the lights go out.
How could you not mention Nikki’s SIDEBURNS! They were so distracting during the 2-on-1 date!
really i didn\’t think this song is good
ABC has announced the lucky lady who will become the new Bachelorette and fans couldn
Jason\’s ex is HOT! WTF is HIS problem? Dude!!!
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