I was at a fabulous theme party this weekend. A friend offered to cut his curly locks on his birthday and a few of us ran with it. “Hair Party 2009” was a blast in my book and will definitely go down in history as unforgettable.
So there I was, standing in front of the stage in the backyard, listening to the live vocal stylings of a friend singing “Longhaired Redneck.” I’m swaying my fake pony tail to the beat, secretly wishing my hair was not quite so Crystal Gayle long, but just as luscious as my clip-on extensions when I’m approached by my friend Killer. He asks me if my previous recap is the longest I’ve ever written.
Now I can’t answer that off the top of my head and have zero motivation for doing a word count on all the recaps of the previous nine seasons of the Bachelor. But I can say that it’s cool when I found out that a guy like Killer is reading my stuff. Thanks dude! Would love to hear more from the boys in the comment section. I know you are out there!
With that said, I’m going to go ahead and predict that THIS recap is the shortest one in IHGB history. I have NOTHING with which to work. I’m grasping here. There’s only the hope of next week’s wack-a-do Moms, the burying of dead doves and parental drama in Dallas to keep me on this crazy train.
ALL ABOARD!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover Christmas candy or have a Jazzercise instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
Right off the bat, I’m bored. We have a 10 minute opener that I should have fast forwarded through, but I didn’t. Because I write a recap and am responsible for giving the sweet, precious readers of IHGB the scoop.
In case you didn’t know:
Tom Hanks is a single father trying to get back into the world of dating. He lives with his son in Seattle. One night Tom is on a talk radio show and discusses how all he needs is love. Meg Ryan is touched by Tom’s emotional speech and writes to him saying that she would love to meet him in New York at the top of the Empire State building on Valentines Day. They all three live happily ever after.
Or something like that.
Our Host Chris Harrison hustles upstairs to wake our slumbering Bachelorettes. I can imagine him turning on a bunch of lights and singing “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” as he’s opening curtains and playing air guitar during the chorus. He literally drags the girls downstairs, strongly encouraging them to put on their fluffy polka-dot robes sponsored by Victoria’s Secret PINK campaign. Jillian chooses the shorty robe she brought from home because she’s from Canada, eh, and is not cold at all.
The girls all bundle under a down blanket sipping hot chocolate while Jillian turns the air conditioning down. Our Host explains that there will be one group date and two one-on-one dates. But there’s a catch.
OHCH: “Everything is about to change. Intern. Fetch me a fleece. Jillian is playing freeze out and I’m dying here. As I was saying…everything is about to change. I mean…it’s the same really, but a different address. Pack your bags girls. You are going to…SEATTLE!”
The girls freak out and squeal in high pitched voices that makes Lincee scramble for the remote, only to find it tangled in a pile of computer cords, cookie dough and half-eaten bag of cheese puffs from Central Market.
The dinner of champions my friends.
Meanwhile, Jason’s sister-in-law is desperately trying to distract Ty and keep him in the back of the yard so that the reunion with his father will be just as dramatic and tear-jerking as it was last year when they ran across a vacant park and met in the middle with an emotional embrace.
Not so much this time. The distance was off. Ty was distracted and I don’t think the ABC camera man was quite ready for the shot. I’m assuming the walkie talkie’s didn’t work. Check the batteries intern. Rule number one. Did you not learn anything from Ocean’s 11?
Ty and Jason hug it out for about five minutes. He hands Ty back to the sister-in-law, along with his luggage, and heads over to the fancy pants hotel to meet his harem. Jillian attacks him right out of the limo, Stephanie bows gracefully as if Jason is Prince Charming, Naomi claims she would move to Seattle in a heartbeat because she wants to make fedoras happen here, Molly smacks him on the butt and Stephanie sprinkles him with spirit…because that’s what she does. We need to learn to accept it.
Jason takes the girls up to their room. They “oooo” and “aahhh” over the digs. Naomi acts like she’s never seen a piano before and Melissa starts jumping up and down on the couch when Jason hands her the first one-on-one date card. He is specific in telling her that she needs to be ready at 7:30 on the dot.
Naomi starts crying in the bathroom and tells the camera that it’s “im-pour-ant” to get one-on-one time with Jason. And she hasn’t had any. She starts straight ironing her bangs into her face and the ABC psychotherapist is paged.
One-on-One Date
Melissa
Jason begins to unpack in his fake house, asking Ty to dig out an outfit from the suitcase. Ty sits on the suitcase and pokes his lip out. Jason assumes that Ty is tired and takes him to his racecar bed that was purchased from Ikea for the fake house a mere two hours before Ty’s arrival. (That intern is impressive with a Phillips screwdriver and some super glue.) Jason plops Ty on the bed, convincing him that he is tired. Ty answers by getting out of bed and closing the door, asking Jason to please stay.
Unwilling to allow his three-year-old to keep him from seeing the entire stripper tattoo that was peeking out of Melissa’s pants earlier today, Jason thinks he can physically wear Ty out by making him unpack his suitcase and put his clothes in the empty closet. Ty is on the verge of tears and Jason gets a clue that it’s probably not smart to leave the kid on national TV. The better option would be to convince America that his son comes first. He must invite Melissa over to the fake house and make out with her there. It’s all about logistics really. And let’s face it. The Seattle Space Needle isn’t THAT impressive. Right? Driver! Deliver my cheerleader to me. GO FOR IT!
Meanwhile, Melissa has thought long and hard about what she should wear on her super cool date with Jason. What stands out? What could be the perfect addition to a plain black dress?
YES! I rhinestone snake coming up through her cleavage! OF COURSE!
Adjusting the reptile so it doesn’t appear to be biting her boob, Melissa is startled by the ringing of a phone. She answers:
Jason: “Hey Mel…it’s J.”
Mel: “Hey J! Since when are we calling you J?”
Jason: “Ty really doesn’t want to let me go tonight. I’m sending a car over that will bring you here so we can be chill and normal.”
Mel: “Can I put on my stretchy pants?”
Jason: “Sure. But only if you can get them dirty. I’m going to need you to do a little light cleaning when you get to the fake house. Maybe run the dishwasher and do a load of whites?”
Mel: “I’m on my way!”
The remaining girls are very upset that Mel’s date has turned into a potential meeting of the infamous Ty.
Mel arrives at J’s fake house still in the snake cleavage dress. She picked up toys and half-eaten pizza. The ABC camera man and boom mic guy were ticked because that was actually their dinner. She shows them her stripper tat as an apology and waits patiently for J to return from the fake upstairs. Mel pours some wine, hikes up her snake charm dress and contemplates if she should change into her stretchy pants because the fangs are digging into her surgery scars.
Just as the intern is about to tell Mel that the pseudo bathroom doesn’t have running water, Jason appears and comments on her beautiful dress. She changes into her stretchy pants that were in no way, shape or form anywhere in the vicinity of the pant category and bounds upstairs to peek in on the slumbering Ty.
They head back downstairs to sit Indian style on the couch and talk about how cute kids are and how Mel has so much to give. J asks Mel who he would meet on the hometown date. Mel talks about her Mom, Dad, brother and how she’s a black sheep of the family. She then talks about how she watches sports on a big screen TV outside of her apartment complex. This is enough for J to start making out with her. He thanks her for being as cool as a cucumber when he changed plans. She thanked him for being too cool for school. He said she was a shining star. She called him her lucky penny.
Group Date
Stephanie, Jillian, Molly
Open Your Heart…Love Is On The Air
The group starts out on a boat that sails out towards the Seattle skyline. Stephanie, who is wearing a vest made out of alpaca, gets the first one-on-one time. Well, not really because the captain is there to help her steer the boat. This is a good thing, because she never kept her eyes off Jason. However, because she had to steer, her hands were always on the wheel and nowhere near Jason’s body. Coincidence? I think not. They talk about their kids and I think about how excited I am that American Idol has finally reached Hollywood week.
Continuing to draw inspiration straight out of Sleepless in Seattle, ABC arranges for Jason to talk about his love life on a radio show with Jackie and Bender.
DJ Jazzy Jackie: “What has been the best date you’ve been on?”
Jason: “It has to be the one where I had Stephanie’s daughter come down for her birthday. I was the man. America thought I ROCKED. I had everyone bawling. It’s exactly what I wanted to happen. I’m pretty sure I was the coolest person in the country that week, even with the inauguration of Barak Obama.”
DJ Bender: “Very cool. Who is the best kisser of the group?”
Jason: “Molly.”
Bless Naomi and Melissa’s hearts. They thought the question was directed to the group who was at the radio station. No so, my inked friends.
Then Bender and Jackie get wacky and decide to blind fold Jason with the feather boa Stephanie was originally wearing on her date until the other girls told her to lose it because it clashed with the alpaca fur. Jason must guess who is kissing him live on the air.
CRAZY!
Jillian is up first and kisses Jason old school style. Pretty normal. Appropriate tongue. It’s fun. It’s playful. No big whoop.
Stephanie doesn’t have to tell Jason to close his eyes, because hot pink feathers are already doing that for him. She proceeds to play her connect the imaginary dots game across his face and ends with a ladylike peck on the lips.
Molly displays why she was called out as best kisser. I’m just saying.
DJ Jazzy Jackie: “What is the hottest thing about Jason ladies?”
Stephanie: “His eyes.”
Jillian: “The way he makes me laugh.”
Molly: “The way he looks at me after a long make out session.”
Pervert Bender: “What happens when the lights go out?”
Lincee: “There’s darkness. I don’t get the question…”
Molly: “I’m a lingerie kind of girl. Edible if I can find it. I know the regular stuff just ends up on the floor.”
Lincee: “Seriously? We’re showing this on national TV?”
Jillian: “I like sex to be fun and playful. Food. Erotic dice. That’s me.”
Lincee: “I can’t believe I just typed erotic in my recap.”
Stephanie: “I make sure my man is taken care of. I like kissing every square inch of his body and…”
Edited for content. This is a family website and we’d like to keep it that way.
The group heads to the hotel. Everyone needs a cigarette after that conversation and a good old fashioned game of “guess the random food on my plate.” For some reason, Molly and Jillian are holding hands when they enter the restaurant.
Jason gets jealous of Molly and pulls Jillian away for some alone time. He tells her that something in her eyes has changed since the beginning. It’s more than likely the beet that she just consumed, but Jillian says it’s because she now feels a connection and never thought this would happen to her. She tells him that she’s not looking for perfection, but for someone she can build her life with. This turns Jason on and he makes out with her.
Jason decides to take Molly on a tour of Seattle. I’m wondering what Jillian and Steph did while they were backpacking across the state, but whatever. The bottom line is that they made out and Molly tells the camera that the GAME is ON! The other girls can just go home because she wants to kiss him for the rest of her life.
Second One-On-One
Naomi and a Camping Store
Jason is worried that Naomi is not really ready to be in a serious relationship. However, she’s gorgeous, so he’s confused. He decided to take her up in a water plane…which Naomi, the airline stewardess, mistakes for a helicopter. She pretends to be interested in the scenery, but as mentioned before, this ain’t her first aerial rodeo. She’d rather suck face with Jason. And we all know he doesn’t have a problem with that!
Next stop? A great big…
Penis?
Great. Now I’ve written erotic and penis in my recap. This is a first.
Look…I’m just being honest. I thought it was like the boob museum. At first it looked like a big lighted penis and they were in a sex shop so DJ Jazzy Jackie and Pervy Bender could ask Naomi how she likes it in the sack. I’m just saying. I quickly concluded that it was a rock climbing wall. I’ve been to REI before. Stop judging. Is anyone out there on my side? Or is my head in the gutter?
Naomi scales the wall like a spider monkey and Jason gets turned on. He finally catches up with her so they can share an extreme kiss. Because this is an extreme date. And I’m extremely bored.
They chill high above the camera crew (except for the dude who is hanging by a scaling rope) at the opening of a fake cave. Jason fixes her hair and asks if she loves Seattle as much as he does. She says that the trees are pretty.
You are too Naomi. You’re so pretty.
Over in the outdoor camping section of the store, the ABC intern has pilfered all of the patio furniture cushions and made a nice little bed for Jason and Naomi. In true Seattle form, Jason is not wearing a Seahawks jersey, but the other staple item of clothing that is handed out to all Washingtons when they graduate from high school. I can see how you would think Kurt Cobain t-shirt, but I was going for flannel button-up. The “Smells Like Teen Spirit” CD was reserved for those students who graduated with honors. I’m sure if you look in Jason’s CD collection at his real house, you will find the album under “G” for grunge.
Naomi rambles on about 14 times that this is the best date she’s ever been on. Jason looks uncomfortable with her comfortableness and wonders why they aren’t making out. He asks about her family and she coils up behind her bangs. Ah! There’s the Naomi he loves!
She talks about how her Mom abandoned her, how she likes to cook and how she wants to adopt. She’s doing a lot of the talking and pursuing and gets nervous that Jason is just not that into her. She decides her best offense is her tongue. So she sticks it down his throat.
It’s at this point that I really start to miss Stalker Shannon and all her shenanigans. ABC producers predicted we would be feeling the pain of complete boredom at this point. So they go for the good old standby.
EVERYONE IN THE HOT TUB!
But wait! The Seattle Georgian doesn’t have a hot tub on the premises.
Hey Seattle Georgian…I’m going to go out on a limb and say the scouts for ABC’s phenomenon The Bachelor/The Bachelorette will not be staying with you in the near future or ever. I’m also going to assume that someone was fired as a result of this major oversight. And I’m going to finally say that Our Host Chris Harrison was TOTALLY KIDDING when he suggested the ABC intern run down to the dollar store and buy some Calgon so two of the four girls can sit Indian style (because that’s how we roll this season) in a bath full of bubbles drinking beer talking about their fears.
Molly is afraid she is too young.
Stephanie is afraid that she is too established.
Jillian is afraid that she’ll have an allergic reaction from the bubble beard.
The next morning, the girls are all sitting around being bored. Much like the viewing audience. But then Jason show’s up! WHAT? That’s crazy!
He asks Jillian to join him in a little quaint coffee shop. They discuss her feelings over scones and cappuccino. He’s concerned that she is going to hurt his heart. Lincee says that is a BIG SIGN that he likes her a lot. ABC tries to edit it so we don’t figure out that she is in the final two by making Jillian say she is in this for the adventure. Jillian says that she is strong for the other girls because they are all BFFs now. Jason says to be herself. Lincee says that this is so random and why do we care? Our Host Chris Harrison says to stick with it because the good stuff is about to come up. Lincee says it is a lie because we all know it was a 10 minute recap of stuff we just watched. Our Host Chris Harrison agrees and they compare notes on what they will write about on their blogs the next day.
Harrison arrives via speed boat and skis up to Jason’s front porch. He calls him Jase. I thought that was cute. Like the Indian style sitting and making out every opportunity that arises, shortening everyone’s name down to one syllable is a new theme we have developed this season.
Jason is pensive on his water front porch, thinking about the girls as Our Host walks us down memory lane. Everyone has a glow. Sort of like in a flashback on a soap opera where the lighting is weird and soft and their voices sound like they are speaking in tin cans.
OHCH: “What do you think about Melissa? Did you get a good look at the tat?”
Jase/J: “I keep waiting for something. Is she too good to be true? Can someone be that perfect for me? Her tat is amazing by the way.”
OHCH: “And Stephanie. Did you confirm it was alpaca she was wearing that night? Because I thought it looked more like a fluffy poodle.”
Jase/J: “Steph is the most fantastic person I’ve ever met.”
OHCH: “Isn’t that code for I’d just like to be friends?”
Jase/J: “Shut it Hare.”
OHCH: “What about Molly? Does it bother you that I heard her singing all the lyrics of High School Musical 3: Senior Year?”
Jase/J: “The attraction is there and connection with family is there.”
OHCH: “How do you know? You haven’t met them?”
Jase/J: “Seriously Hare. Cut it out.”
OHCH: “Jillian is cool. I like her spunk. I bet she could kill a moose if she had to.”
Jase/J: “Exactly. Is she only about adventure?”
OHCH: “You finally got a one-on-one with Naomi. Did you notice she crotch-shotted America when she was extreme climbing with you? Inappropriate.”
Jace/J: “Can I get that on tape?”
OHCH: “I have it right here on my iPhone. Check it out dude.”
The ABC camera man gets Jason to look out over the water and think about his decision. He’s so distraught. He literally didn’t sleep a wink last night.
ABC…enough with the Sleepless in Seattle-isms. Seriously. It has now become annoying.
Rose Ceremony
In true Jason form, the Bachelor rebel grabs Naomi and takes her outside to talk about her future. Does she see herself ready for his life? She switches on Stepford mode and answers, “YES” very robotically.
Jason: “Can you come here and be with me and Ty 24/7?”
Naomi: “I am ready. I want this life. I want you. I want Ty.”
Lincee: “I want a bobby pin so I can get your hair out of your eyes.”
Jason gives roses to:
Jillian (Jill)
Melissa (Mel)
Molly (Mol)
Naomi (Nay)
Steph is out. And everyone is holding hands and crying. Michael W. Smith’s “Friends Are Friends Forever” begins to swell in the background. Jase gives an eloquent speech about Steph’s character, beauty and fashion sense as he holds on to Hare for support. Steph graciously enters the rejection limo and Naomi wipes her tears away with a petal from her rose.
Jase tells the camera that he wishes Steph could be around so he could talk through this crazy process. He knows that they will be BFF’s forever. Steph knows that she will find true love one day. There are some pretty aerial views of the limo. Good thing they had that water plane/helicopter still under budget so they could get these amazing shots!
Next week, Jillian opens up about the past and her Mom’s depression, Molly gets busy on a golf course, Naomi helps Jason bury a dove in the backyard and something goes “terribly wrong” in Dallas.
Sweet.
I’m all about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Wow — What a show. Stephine was the most graceful, dignified bachelorette to ever leave the show. I wish her well. She is too nice to have to go through this show to find a man… only to have the relationship end in a few months and publicized like crazy. Am I cynical?
Speaking of cheese puffs… you must try the tostitos all natural cheese puffs! I digress … back to the recap.
LOL!!!! “I can imagine him turning on a bunch of lights and singing “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” as he’s opening curtains and playing air guitar during the chorus”…..oh yesbretmichaels….
and “waits patiently for J to return from the fake upstairs” ….so funny!!
Melissa’s “fangs digging into her surgery scars” was the funniest line of the recap. But even though it was a snooze fest, you still managed to do it justice. So funny. And I agree, Julie, Stephanie is the classiest ever to be on this show. She is such a lady. WOW.
OMG Lincee! (I sound like Lauren) I spoke to me BFF, in Houston, who stated the same thing (man junk) about the rock wall! We were both dying and then you brought it up! Too funny!
Hilarious! Even with so little to work with. I also thought of a penis when I saw the rock wall and am glad you mentioned Naomi’s crotch shot to America. I cringed at that.
Not gonna lie…Jason’s speech about Steph before her exit made me tear up…she is by far one of the classiest women who has ever gone on the show, she had a sweet spirit, yet terrible fashion and makeup sense, that I will miss.
The random snake on Mel’s dress was too weird…Hi, Dallas called, if you’re not going to represent then they’re going to have to kidnap your family so Jason can’t meet them. Thanks.
Naomi…I just haven’t really warmed to her. Out of all the younger girls she by far acts the youngest. Wonder how much ABC paid to rent out the flagship REI…stay classy Seattle.
Molly…don’t really have much to say…she’s cute and ABC is clearly making us think they have fantastic chemistry together…could be the kiss of death in the end.
Oh Jill…how I loved the bubble bath beard. Canadian accent is driving me crazy though!
Can’t wait to see when crazy DD comes back around…from some of the stuff I saw on FORT (which I won’t disclose) it looked like she was there when he wore his awesome plaid shirt and at his fake house last night. Clever editing yet again ABC.
OHCH’s blog is pretty funny this week as well…but nothing compares to Lincee!
This was an AWESOME recap!
“[Naomi] starts straight ironing her bangs into her face and the ABC psychotherapist is paged.”
I laughed so hard that coke came out of my nose. Ew.
Great recap!!!!!! So so funny! I LOVE that you caught Naomi’s “im-pour-ant” ….that cracked me up! And the “Harrison arrives via speed boat and skis up to Jason’s front porch.” was hilarious!!!!!!!!! Lincee – you are such a great writer – you truly need to be making major cash from all the entertainment you provide to us IHGB followers!!! =)
And don’t forget that next week, Melissa’s ‘rents are the only sensible ones who refuse to be on TV and made to look like lunatics. Like Molly’s crazy mom who has saved a dead pigeon for Jason (“Jay”) to bury…
So even though it was a boring episode, I have to say that this was one of your more hilarious recaps. I think when there’s not much to work with, your creative writing side really has a chance to shine! Loved it.
Lincee, way to transition a boring episode into amusement for my Tuesday! Last night was an hour too long and I’ll admit the bubble beards and Lady and the Tramp reference on the outtakes made me laugh more than anything. So producers I’d like more of that, and less of Chris Harrison playing Dr. Phil.
A few side notes
- why was J carrying his own suitcase? Come on intern, get with the program.
- When Naomi was talking about Seattle, anyone see or should I say hear the resemblance to Mystic Tan Barbie? I like the trees and nature and bears.
That was a great recap for such a dull show!! I love the fact that I am not the only one who thought that wall looked like a penis. I attracted a lot of attention when I was reading that part. You never disappoint Lincee!
I have always loved Steph…she has been the classiest ever on this show! Good luck to her.
I knew you could do it Lincee! Hysterical recap even with a boring episode
Looking forward to next weeks episode…hopefully it will get crazy again.
First, Lincee you crack me up! Loved the recap!! Stephanie is my hero!
AWESOME RECAP- you made it worth watching!!!
I loved the….
OHCH: “Isn’t that code for I’d just like to be friends?”
Jase/J: “Shut it Hare.”
That sucks for Mel that her parents won’t do the show. I think if I were her I’d tell them they weren’t messin this one up for me and to bring out their inner fame whore and let’s Do This! What was Molly saying ‘I think it’s me!’ about in the rose ceremony? Did she mean she thought it was her that was getting kicked off? If so, that’s kind of contradictory to earlier in the show when she was saying she knew that it was her and that Jason should just let all the other girls go now….
Ugh – Stephanie makes Shannon look normal. If you are going head to head with a bunch of other attractive girls and your trump card is how “tender” you are, you need to be visiting the travelocity roaming gnome because you are about to be travelling back home. The whole hand kissing and the kissing around the face. Nails on a chalkboard. On the upside, now she is home where she can complete her friendship quilt, work on the next breakthrough in banana bread and instruct her daughter in the mystical ways of co-dependency.
Oh and Na bugs me. She looks like a hooters waitress. If climbing on a plastic rock wall in sweaty spandex and enjoying some grub in front of a fake fire in a retail shop is the “best date ever” then I would love a little insight into a few of her past dates. This might be the first one that she didn’t have to pay. If that date were a TV sitcom, Jamie Pressley would play Naomi – hands down. I guess the girls I date are just wayyyy to high maintenance. But this I already knew.
Are you happy Lincee I posted in your comments section and outed myself to the world. There goes plausible deniability.
I also saw a penis. I thought my head was in the gutter as well when my husband didn’t agree! Glad to know I wasn’t the only one.
I’m officially a bigger fan of this blog than the show — when I pay more attention to the snake (knowing Lincee is going to comment on it) and want to hurl at the repeated references to a Hanks/Ryan hanky soaker, having no doubt Lincee is seeing the same thing and squirming.
It’s now obvious to me (and perhaps I spent too much time covering my face with a pillow before) that J-man wants a chippy. He started with 25 women, several far closer in age (and life experience) than himself, and what does he have for the final four? An Amy Grant look-alike from Canada (with an oversized nose, just perfect for our J-man), a “flight attendant” who has the poise and grace (not to mention a physical resemblence) of an Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz spawn, a former professional cheerleader (with tramp stamps) who mugs for the camera and who we now find out has parents that don’t care for the “publicness” (oh yeah, great role model to be helping Ty with his homework) of meeting J-man, and finally a pretty-enough “sales rep” who is SO committed, devoted and in love with her parents that she won’t consider, even at her ripe old 24 (or whatever), choosing someone THEY don’t love. Chippy heaven.
Stephanie’s appearance was sometimes disturbing, and her clothes strange (although I’ve seen about as many “stylish” scarves choking the other women — especially Melissa — as I can stand), but she was a calming force, a mature woman with brains and patience (and let’s face it, Ty is going to try J-man’s woman’s last nerve, big time), so in the end it seems to me we are seeing yet another “fairytale” ending that’s gonna last a few months, tops.
I’m actually beginning to think having O-Pah there (whenever that’s gonna happen) to stir up some crapola ought to be just the right cocktail these goils need!
Lincee….fake house totally! I text my friend last night….I don’t think that’s his house. No single parent has a white couch! And where are all the toys?
#18 – HAHAHA! The Travelocity Roaming Gnome!!!! Priceless.
Did anyone else think it was weird when J put Steph into the car at the end and said, “See you soon.”?
Lincee, you ROCK. I don’t know how you did it, but I agree with #11 that this is one of your funniest recaps!
Okay, finally someone who agrees with me that the kid is …. uh, a handful. :
“…(and let’s face it, Ty is going to try J-man’s woman’s last nerve, big time)”
Love it! loll..
When is DeAnna supposed to show up? I thought OHCH said on Ellen that it was this episode!
# 20… Naomi looks like a spawn of Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz. Aaahahah!! Too funny!!!
So funny!!! This may be my favorite recap ever!
I’m totally on team Mel, but I did tear up a bit when Stephanie left. However, if they make her the next Bachelorette, I’m not watching—I’ll def. still read your recaps though!!
I know everyone is counting the number of times he says “amazing” and “journey”, but what about all the women’s “huge hearts” that Jason kept referring to. My husband and I think “huge hearts” = huge boobs.
For the show giving you lemons, you sure made lemon bars/squares! great job! “Shut it, Hare!” I’m going to use that sometime.
if anyone is into spoilers, I’m not going to say anything, but check out reality steve’s blog.
Strange looking condom on that gi-normous penis!! Just have to say that everytime Naomi opens her mouth to speak, I cringe – good catch on the im-pour-ant. LORD… Thanks for making this oh-so-boring episode fun Lincee. But I do miss the wacks!
::shakes fist at Heidi:::: I did NOT need to know about Reality Steve’s blog. Ever. lol. I know that “K. Moon/Rebecca” will be floating around in my head for the rest of the day now.
Way to make lemonade out of lemons, Lincee! LOVED the exchange between OHCH and Jason pre-rose ceremony. “Did you confirm it was alpaca she was wearing that night? Because I thought it looked more like a fluffy poodle.” Hehehe.
Once again, I loved Jillian best. She just seems to be the most natural and down to earth girl left. She’s gorgeous and I think her being uncomfortable was completely appropriate! She was REAL and that’s why I like her so much.
Molly bugs me a tiny bit because she’s so forward and cocky. She seemed kind of fake and has a huge ego.
Naomi is just, well, too tan. Too much make up, also, and she seems like she doesn’t much care for Jason. Could be editing, but I wonder.
Melissa… oh Melissa. She seems sweet and genuine, but how out of place did she seem when she was waiting for him? I don’t see her being the kind of gal who could do her own thing and take the backseat while Jason was hanging with Ty. I think she needs more attention than that.
And Stephanie – she really and truly was the classiest act I’ve ever seen on The Bachelor! Way to be a great person all around, Steph.
What I want to know is why women go on this show if they DON’T expect to get to the top 5. I mean, I get going on for the “adventure” or to “have fun,” but come on, why go if you don’t at least consider being with the guy in the end??
On the flip side – how can he have “feelings” for all of them??? It has to get to a point where he knows which one is for him, don’t you think? I don’t know how I’d feel if someone picked me in the end and was still all hot for someone else too.
Handicapping the final four’s odds:
Naomi: 0%. She’s dumb as a post and they don’t have a lot of chemistry. Got the pity one-on-one this week. IMO, she would have been tossed this week to but the producers wouldnt let J toss an extra girl two weeks in a row.
Molly: 10%. I don’t think she’ll make the final 2 as J seems a bit leery of her family. Unless her family hates him and she bails, she’ll get a rose this week. I can almost guarantee that having already tasted the goods, he’ll bring her along for an New Zealand shag. But no further.
Melissa: 30%. Not much to say here. Her drama-queen style appeals to him, but he likes Jill more.
Jillian: 60%. The concern over her “adventure” seeking seems like a red herring to me. They seem to have the most fun together. Or maybe I’m just biased because of the four, I’d pick her.
Hilarious recap! That vest of Stephanie’s was so distracting! My husband kept complaining about the Sleepless in Seattle references and Jason’s obviously fake house.
I really like all of the girls that are left (except Naomi, but she just bugs me – I don’t actively dislike her.) Usually, I have someone to root for or root against, but not here…there’s something to like about everyone.
My husband doesn’t think Naomi is attractive at all – we both like Molly. But I like any of them, I guess?! The hometown visits are always the best!
SO: Any bets on Stephanie being the next Bachelorette?! Totally see her married and living in Dallas to some divorced older guy. In different shirts that don’t have pictures on them. And less jewelry.
You eat computer cords? Nevermind…..and yes, this blog stomps a mudhole in the actual show.
Oh, and Elizabeth, #12, I am adding the phrase, “Mystic Tan Barbie” to my vocabulary immediately! LOL!
OHCH: “You finally got a one-on-one with Naomi. Did you notice she crotch-shotted America when she was extreme climbing with you? Inappropriate.”
HILARIOUS! And why was Melissa wearing a bath towel around her neck? Nice REI date after close – wonder if they counted the drawer & swept up before the fondue? Oh, and the IKEA / phillips screwdriver comment was good too – only thing would have made it better was if you said Allen wrench (I put in 10 years at the Bombay Company furniture store & EVERYTHING was put together with one of those).
This is one boy chiming in. The most exciting part of the episode last night is the visual of you eating computer cords for dinner, together with my gag reflex of eating cheese puffs ever.
Glad my DVR broke for the first 1/2 of this episode saving me an hour of ennui, while we watched the much more exciting Friday Night Lights, First Season. Why have I never watched this show before last week?
(BTW ladies — my wife is hooked on FNL.)
(sorry for the formatting snafu — webman, can you delete me initial comment?)
As much as i’d hate to see DD back, this show could use some more drama to liven things up. I was constantly watching the show last night with a look of, “aannnnd…what? what else??? give us more, ABC!”
Is there something more boring than melba toast??? That was two hours of my life I will never get back! UUUGGGHHHHH. Fortunately, reading this blog makes every second worth it.
Stephenie: Very very weird. The “lulu-esque” makeup and the creepy kissing………… She was nice, but I am glad to see her go. ABC don’t even think about making this girl the next bachelorette!
Naomi: go away
BTW, Lincee you are a literary genius…………………….man junk reference, never even thought about it.
that stupid bubble bath scene in the hotel was something that should have gotten the intern fired. that was so lame. some presidential suite when it doesn’t even have a nice hot tub. it was sort of funny that Stephanie was sitting on the side – it was like, she said, you cannot talk me into sitting in that tiny tub in my swimsuit and discuss Jason – just isn’t gonna happen.
I don’t know why, but when the girls were packing up to go to Seattle, it made me chuckle to see Melissa’s ziplock bag of old roses. at least Stephanie will always have that lego-rose (unless Sophia destroys/plays with it).
you did a great job of writing an entertaining recap after such a boring episode – I can’t wait to see the train wrecks next week – naomi’s crazy mom burying a dove – classy!!
Whenever Stephanie said her goodbyes to the girls she said something like “one of you girls make this man really happy” and is staring down melissa as she says it. anyone else see that?
Love it, Lincee! I actually didn’t watch last night, and maybe will just skip this episode altogether as your recap is apparently far more entertaining the actual thing.
What is this FORT business???
Oh! The highlight of my week! Wait, that’s sad, I shouldn’t admit that in public. Anyway, love it! Really? do we need anymore crotch shots on TV? I’m just sayin’!
http://www.lazymoms.com
FORT = fans of reality tv
THis just proves how brilliant you are! To take the most boring episode of Bachelor history and turn it into the funniest recap you have ever written (even as far back as the email days)! Lincee, you are the best! Thank you! I needed a good laugh today and I had several full on, out loud belly laughs here!
How do we feel about Naomi’s “I’ve just been hit over the head with a bat/hungover” look in scene 1? How about that dreadful hood she kept half on her head the entirety of her date?
Wow! Talk about “making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear”! You are hilarious! I was wondering WTH you would be able to pull out of that mess last night! Way to go!! This was as good as the “bears” recap!
PINEAPPLE!! (we are still laughing about that in my office!)
The houseboat is surely not Jason’s house. It is located on Lake Union in Seattle and is worth more than 2 million dollars for sure! Jason lives in Kirkland which is across Lake Washington. They showed him arriving home in “The Bachelorette” to a more modest home.
I’m sure the show wanted to be able to tie-in with “Sleepless in Seattle” and show off the beautiful city, too!
Lincee: “I want a bobby pin so I can get your hair out of your eyes.” –I’ve been thinking that about Naomi for five weeks now! Thanks, Lincee!
I can’t wait until next week to see if we can figure out what would possess Naomi’s mother to think that burying a dead bird in a paper bag would be a great way to entertain her daughter’s reality tv boyfriend… How very Morticia Addams of her.
I agree Jenna #11. I laughed out loud several times! Classic! (like Cher in clueless) I love that movie!!!
For those of you who can’t put your finger on why you dislike Molly….well, I have put my finger on it.
#1 – the grainy, louder-than-normal patronizing/instructional voice. She seems the type that could be sitting at the next table to you in a restaurant, but would not use her “restaurant-voice”, oblivious to her surroundings and others. She would talk at regular volume so that all around could hear what she is saying. Because everyone should be interested in what she is saying. You all know the type.
#2 – the BIG EYES! They are the same eyes you gave your parents when you were lying about something to convince them that you were not lying about something….over-compensating because you learned in school from the Policeman on career day that bad eye contact is a ‘tell’ of fibbers. So FAKE!! So STEPFORD! It’s like she’s gazing into Jason’s eyes with those gynormous eyes and fake smile and nodding her head incessantly to convince him that they are the perfect match….it’s like she’s trying to cast a spell.
For those that do love her, I’m not up for a big war here. Just my own observations. Disclaimer: I’m sure without all the editing and dilating eyedrops, she’s a lovely person.
But for me, Molly’s just so…so…Nellie Oleson.
Jason “blogs” on some website (People?) that he “had the opportunity” to live in one of Seattle’s most exclusive neighborhoods, admitting in a roundabout way that it’s not his house. And yeah, we did see his real house (well, at least a different house) on the first episode of the Bachelor. There’s also a house tour he did for some show; you can find it on YouTube.
I was cracking up how Mel, Mol, Jill and Na all had scarves on when they walked out of the limo in Seattle. Steph was the only one who didn’t (for once). All I kept thinking was – “One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong…”
Also, it’s been driving me crazy who Mel reminds me of…a dark-haired Elisabeth Hasselbeck! Anyone?
On a PINEAPPLE note….
My fiance and I used to squabble a bit when we were out in social situations. I’m the social butterfly who likes to stay out and he’s the homebody that is ready to go as soon as we get there. To avoid the tension we both know that can start to brew when we’re an hour or so into the night (and sidestep any Byron/Mary-type friction), we came up with our own code word a few months ago….POTATO. It always cracks us up to walk around parties, randomly saying things like “I’d like a Potato.” aka “I’d like to go home.” or “Seriously, honey….Potato.” aka “Chill out for a bit.”
Imagine my surprise to hear of another ‘safe’ word in the food category!! I don’t feel so weird now….or should I?!? haha
Ive been trying all season to place Molly. She talks just like Drew Barrymore!!!
I CANNOT believe that romantic one-on-one date was in front of the fire in the middle of REI. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!?!? Of all the awesome romantic places that Seattle has, THAT is what they pick?! Seriously??????
But, as a big bonus, YOU TOO can stay in a romantic suite at the Fairmont Olympic. And you too can havethe EXACT SAME DINNER while sitting at THE EXACT SAME TABLE that Jason and the girls sat at at the Olympian. ENTER TO WIN! http://www.komonews.com/news/preview/38557022.html
I love Seattle. I am only slightly ashamed to admit that I entered the contest.
PS- Did anyone notice the bling on Jason’s pants pocket last night? I’m not sure what to make of it…
My first post ever for your blog, Lincee. I feel special…and not because I’m a dude…because this blog is freaking hilarious! I’ve actually yelped “Pineapple!” twice in social situations for my own amusement!
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Jason: His cheasy-ness level gets old. Or maybe I’m just jealous of his shirtless physique…which I’m forced to view all too often.
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Stephanie: I really do think she’s a nice person. I also really do think she’s an annoying person.
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Naomi: I don’t even find her that attractive. At least, not so attractive that you would put up with the inevitable BS that will follow. I don’t believe a word that comes out of her gigantic mouth…even if she does.
Molly: Roller-coaster. Sometimes I’m ok with her, sometimes she bugs me. I wasn’t so mad about the rant (about her being the one and the other girls should just go home) as I was about her demanding that her boyfriend is liked by her family. HUGE turnoff. I speak from experience here when I say that when you meat your girl’s family…you can only be yourself. You can’t control if they like/dislike you. Although I agree that’s important, it’s much more important that YOU like him.
Melissa: Cute. I liked the ‘watching sports in the park’ think very, very much. But she’s too young for this particular life-changing-event. Not because of her age (I’ve met grown up 25-year-olds and immature 35-year-olds) but because of where she’s at in life. She’s a-ok, though.
I noticed the tramp stamp and pointed it out to my cousin via text, so I was very pround when Lincee pointed it out. And I didn’t like the necklace, so it MUST be bad if I noticed it.
Jillian: BAM! Out of nowhere comes the Jilli-nator – destroyer of all Bachelorettes. She all-of-a-sudden looked hot this week. I really like her nose. I really like when she talked about being the care-taker of the girls. I just like her. The accent is just fine…eh.
And I don’t think Jason should get on her case about her saying that she got into this, partly, for the adventure. She was just being honest. And Jason…umm…they’re ALL in this for the adventure (at least for the first few weeks).
My stomach hurts from laughing so hard from your recap!
Somehow, you are able to make a boring two hours of television into something hysterically funny. Lincee, you are a magician. Are you sure that you don’t want to head over to Entertainment Weekly and work on their recaps? You are the BEST. Infinitely better than anyone I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Are you sure you don’t want to move out to LA and take Entertainment Weekly by storm? Have you sent them a resume? I’m serious! I’m a native Texan too, but I’m living out here in Cali now-I can find you all the Dr. Pepper you need! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, girl!
The show was just creepy last night.
The nick names, the bath tub, the vest, the lady and the tramp thing, Ty’s fake fit, the house boat, Naomi and REI, the radio spot and Stephanie wanting kiss her man all over [gag]. What a night. I felt like I was watching the last season of the bachelor.
Bathing suits in the sudsy bathtub….AGAIN!?
It was weird when they did it in the Jesse Palmer season (with Jessica, I think?), and it’s STILL WEIRD TODAY!!!!
Lincee you really Really REALLY ROCK. Taking the dull and putting the fun in it. Knew you’d go after that crazy furry vest thing! LOL!
) This show would be nuthin’ without you & IHGB.
Hey #22 you gave me an idea… Re: the Stephanie “see you soon” thing. You know how some Bachelor/ettes have a past participant or friend come in to give advice? Now I know everyone’s saying that’s why DD comes back, but wouldn’t Steph be the PERFECT person to come back and give Jason advice?? They seem to hit it off well in the friend department, she seems mature & level-headed, and *bonus* she knows all the girls well (probably better than Jason). Either in the NZ dates or FR, she’d be perfect.
Just a thought.
Okay, I think Stephanie is a nice-looking woman and SOME of her clothes aren’t so bad. She’s in great shape, pretty face… I’m just not understanding how every day she has like one or two normal/cute pieces of clothing and then she goes insane with overly-chunky mismatched jewelry and loud accessories. She’s like a five-year-old with a dress up box that happened to be filled by tacky grandmas.
# 38 – Friday Night Lights ROCKS….now. The first season was great, and the current season is pretty good, but it took a bad dip in the middle. I’m warning you, stay with it, watch it through Lincee’s Bachelor-blog eyes, and catch up with the current season.
# 41 – Jason made Steph leave the Lego rose at the park – no memento for her.
Sorry to see Steph go, although it was totally the right decision for Jason. At least, despite the makeup and eyebrow issue, I feel like Steph helped us Southern women redeem ourselves somewhat from DD’s behavior…every time someone mentions that she was from Atlanta I correct them to say “Newnan” – a suburb but far enough from my suburb that I can consider her WAY different from me. (And actually, in Steph’s defense, all of us North Atlanta MILF’s wear tee shirts with writing on them, although the only furry vest at my house is pink and belongs to the three year old.)
Lincee, the only thing that got me through that two hour yawnfest last night was thinking about you. (Insert little heart drawing here). Seriously, I love the recap so much that I would totally sit in a bubble bath in my swimsuit and read it there if I had a waterproof computer.
And what’s with the DD advice theory? I think the last person he would want advice from is the woman who obviously has no idea what she wants. That makes no sense to me. Nope, I think she’s trying to get him back. And I definitely thought she would have shown up by now which makes me think she’s coming just in the time for the overnight getaways. Lovely.
Great recap Lin! (Aren’t we shortening all names at this point?) The conversation you wrote between OHCH and Jason was absolutely hilarious! I agree that this episode was a total snore/bore. But they will make up for it next week with all the crazy families and the Texas drama.
JTG #58 – Love your comments too. It is always nice to hear from the boys out there. By the way, what happened to SomeGuy who blogged for Lincee last season? Is he still out there?
I have heard in a few places that Jason has his own blog but I can’t find it anywhere. Does anyone have a link to it?
I get the feeling that there is more to Stephanie. The way he said “see you soon” and that he kept her around this long, with obviously no connection and no kissing, tells me that maybe they started off this season as friends and she was there to work. Also, I found it quite strange that Jason won’t let any of the girls meet Ty, but it was perfectly normal for him to spend the day with her daughter. It would also explain how graceful and “classy” she was the entire time she was on the show, and managed a perfectly composed exit. Looking forward to seeing her again in the next few episodes.
I’m a Jilian fan, just saying.
I swear Melissa’s rhinestone snake dress HAD to be from Cache (Texas ladies, can I get a high-five?!) I will post the link if I find it. I know Cache is nationwide, but it just exemplifies Dallas.
And as lovely as Stephanie is, the talk about kissing him over every inch…*shudders* heebie jeebies! It’s like listening to your own Mom talk about sex.
Naomi goes home next, right? It’s obvious?
Hilarious!! I too thought the rock wall was a large penis!! Glad it wasn’t just me!! So when is DD supposed to return and add some drama? Can’t wait for that!!
Lincee, a big huge thank you for making this episode bearable. Talk about a snooze fest! Um, Naomi… if a “date” in a sporting goods store was your best date ever, you need to get out more. I actually shed a little tear for Stephanie. I know she and Jason weren’t suited for one another, but I still felt badly that she ended up hurt. She has definitely been through enough. Molly bugs me. I think it’s between Melissa and Jillian. Jill actually seems like the most “normal” – but we all know by now how they edit these shows. Can’t wait for the dead bird funeral! At least next week should have a little dose of crazy!
#53 – you hit it on the nose with the whole “too loud of a voice for the restaurant” bit. Molly is that girl. Thank you!! Nellie Olson – hah!
Also, are we sure that Jase said “See you soon”? I thought he said, “See you Steph” – which would make sense with the proliferation of 1 syllable nicknames.
I’m thinking Naomi is next to go…maybe I just want her to be.
First of all, Jason does not live in Seattle. He lives in the ‘burbs. Which is good, ’cause those girls (except for Jillian, of course) are not the PNW type. Not at all.
WHAT was Naomi wearing at the end? I guess that top is in style (?), but to me, she kind of looked like she was wearing a shiny turquoise tent.
I live in Seattle, and I have to say, I was quite disappointed with all of the dates. There are SO many cool places to go in Seattle, and they didn’t go to any of them (I will admit that I do love the flagship REI, even though it is suuuuuuper expensive and they don’t have garage sales, the jerks). They could’ve at least taken a ferry (Grey’s Anatomy fans would appreciate that, right?), for crissakes. I guess they did go on the water, but they were STILL on Lake Union. Jeez. I was also pissed off by all of the girls saying that they loooooved Seattle. I mean, they were there for 2 seconds and barely ventured out of the hotel room. And Kiss FM is LAME. Terrible music, terrible. Also, did anyone else from that area think he was going to take Melissa to Snoqualmie Falls?
Jillian rocks. And so does Vancouver. And Seattle. And next weeks episode looks aaaaamazing!
Am I the only one who kept expecting Ty to sneak down and call Jackie and Bender to say, “My dad’s kissing a ho!!” and then scream and claim he saw a black widow spider? Okay, I’ve obviously seen that movie on TNT one too many times.
Agree with whoever said Stephanie seems soooo nice… and sooo freaking annoying. Her little speech about how all she cares about is her man’s pleasure and making sure he’s satisfied kicked feminism back about 3 decades. (Yes. I know. I’m watching the Bachelor. BUT STILL!) I also was blown away by how good she looked in one of the lounging-around-the-house scenes where she had no make-up/QVC jewelry on. Yes, she’s classy. Classy does not make for good reality TV and there is no way she will be the next Bachelorette. Talk about a snoozefest. There’s also something weird about her. Yes, she’s classy in that finishing school way, and I genuinely believe she’s nice… but there’s something about her that’s a little off. Like she is acting out the part of Woman Who Falls in Love Again After Tragic Death of Husband When Her Daughter is Ten Weeks Old. The overdoing of the clothes and make-up and hair just seems a little… manic.
I love Jillian. She reminds me of my last girl-crush from this show, Moana. She seems to have a real life, real creativity, real brains, real beauty, and, like Moana, is being questioned about her feelings for our little Melba Toast because she isn’t constantly following him around with her tail wagging telling him how great he is. So, in distorted-reality Bachelor world, Melba must start to think, “she must not really like me!” But really, Jillian is just going through what a normal person would feel if they signed up for this show and actually started liking the guy while having to endure watching someone stick their tongue down his throat like FIVE MINUTES after you did. (I seriously hope that boy carries a travel-sized bottle of Listerine in his pocket.)
Melissa is adorable, but definitely not ready to pick up the role of step-mom.
Naomi is– eh… why bother? She’s already as good as gone.
Finally, Molly bugs. She is totally fake. Fake fake fake. Is in this totally for the game and not for the guy.
I thought Jase said to Steph, “See you again.” Like he was imparting that he’d make sure this wasn’t the end of their friendship.
I agree with whoever said (in a different post) that they think DD comes back to offer advice to Jason since she “made a huge mistake” last season picking Jesse and she wants to stress to him the importance of choosing wisely…who knows when and where she’ll show and I’m sure the editing will have us all going crazy but I for one cannot wait!
Oh and GO JILLIAN!
#65 Paige – did Stephanie really have to leave her lego rose at the park?? I didn’t catch that. I forgot to look and see if she was holding it at the rose ceremony…
To #73 – Thank you for writing exactly what I was thinking. As a resident of Seattle for 10+ years – I agree that the intern could have come up with a number of more exciting dates. The Georgian and Belle Epicurean in the Fairmont? The girls never left the hotel! Thanks for pointing out that Jason does not live in the houseboat – I was concerned that some really thought he did live there. Who ever ends up with Jason ends up in the ‘burbs (I think he lives w/ his brother too?!?). I also thought he was going to take Melissa to Snoqualmie Falls – what other “waterfall” is there – but at night? I’m just glad there weren’t too many “sleepless in Seattle” references – Seattlites are sooo over that (grunge too). Did Chris Harrison really mention Green Day in his blog?
I’m on Team Jillian – I don’t care what the spoilers say!
I’ve got to get my hearing checked – I thought that Naomi’s mom was going to bury a DOG and I thought that was very very very weird. Also, it seemed like it would have to be a pretty small dog to fit in that little bag, but whatever. I’m somewhat relieved to hear that it is only a DOVE, which is still very very weird. If I showed up at a potential SO’s house and his parents were right off the bat inviting me to participate in pet-burying exercises, I would be so out of there. I’m just sayin’
Does anyone else think Naomi looks like she could be Eva Mendes ugly little sister?
I can’t stand how Melissa’s chin scrunches up when she makes baby faces.
Molly needs a brush and bigger lips to cover all her teeth.
Jillian might win, but I just don’t think she’s gonna end up that into him.
Aaaaannnnddd, none of them are really ready to be instant moms, seriously, they just graduated from college!
Good cow, girl. You can make anything funny. I love it!
and this is not Stephanie from the show…it is Stephanie from Texas! Didn’t even think about that when I posted.
Jason did say “See you soon,” to Stephanie when she got in the car, but I just assumed he was referring to the ‘Women Tell All’ episode.
Well as predicted by our oh so smart blogstress, Steph (love all the comments on the abreviations this week!/season) is out of there. However, I loved how mature she was in her exit. Just goes to show how classy she really is and that although she liked being there and the ride, she knew as well it wasn’t happening. Gotta feel for her, having to be away for so long from her baby for that.
Thank you Lincee for addressing our Eva Mendes look alikes hair issues. Seriously, can she please find a barrett, a clippee, hairband, SOMETHING. They in my opinion are not a match. I am just not seeing it. And the whole thing about not sure she understands what she feels in her fear about being with one man the rest of her life. Um, J, Jace, whatever dude, RUN!
Melissa, makes some hysterical faces. I caught her so many times saying things and then making these crazy expressions. And the stretchy pants were really oversized underwear. I saw the whole parent debacle of next week, coming down the pike.
Mol-lay, I just can’t help but think she is in competition mode. It seems more like a game to her, then authenic feelings. As well, I am not sure she can open her eyes wider, or flex her eyebrows up higher when she talks.
That leaves my chick pic, Jillian, or Jill, or J (which is what I think she will morph into next week). Or should I say Amy Grant, Canadian style. (you know you thought she looked her too). I agree with you, Lincee. I think there was strategic editing, as there has been the whole time. Their convo was disconnected, and misc. but I believe he is digging her big time. I mean really the rest of them probably all have the same bed times as Ty.
Love you girl, great as always!
Kate
a penis at REI? wow, lincee. you really are a perv.
best line of the night: “the intern went down to the dollar store to get some calgon”
ROFL! great blog, pervo!
did anyone notice when J said something about Mel calling him but the show had Mel answering the phone for J to say he couldn’t do the date??
First of all, after reading “im-pour-ant” I could NOT stop laughing…so here’s my breakdown of the girls:
Naomi: She has got to go, and learn how to speak proper English! and fade that fake tan out
Molly: kind of seems like a ho, no offense…and also possesses an overly inflated ego…ick
Melissa: love love LOVE melissa! Texas girls are the best!
she seems the most down to earth out of all the girls left.
Jillian: I really really want to like her, but that Canadian accent just gets in the way…
Stephanie: just the sweetest and classiest woman to ever be on any season of the Bachelor…
and also, I miss crazy dog french kisser stalker shannon!!!! episode 5 gave me the zzzzzzz’s
Naomi’s mouth!! ARRRRGGGHHH. The tongue behind the lower teeth thing makes her look and sound like she has an impediment.
Good riddance to Stephanie. Seems nice, but the Hallmark card way of talking was just too much. Jason hops around wearing tennis shoes with his cap on backwards, she was WAY to matronly for him.
Sorry to all the Jill lovers, but there is no chemistry with our boy Melba. She seems a terrific gal (altho if I had to listen to the grating voice I’d go nuts, but whatevs). The contest isn’t for the coolest girl, it’s for the girl who best matches with the boring, very middle class, insurance salesman from the ‘burbs. And, by the way, these girls do know what he does for a living and where he lives, right? Who’d prostitute themselves on national TV for that? As always, I think the true winners are the ones who don’t win.
Sure is fun to watch though!
Lincee, I have to ask: did you get “Pineapple” from Ross the intern on Jay Leno? If not, you have to check this out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CXbCY_yRWOc
Anyone who thinks that the Ty thing WASN’T a setup is in serious denial about the “reality” of this show! Not that I don’t agree that whoever “wins” is going to have some really special stepmom moments with that little monster…lol!
Where the H-E-double hockey sticks is DDahhhhhna? Not that I’m a fan, but I’ve been waiting for her reappearance since the very first episode! And I also want to see when Jason hangs over the balcony in agony. (Wow, that makes me sound really mean, but come on…who ELSE isn’t waiting for that to happen?)
hehe, just have to laugh about the comments on Jillian’s accent. I didn’t even think she had one but then I’m Canadian too and actually from the same area as her! I found Stephanie’s accent the most grating and wondered how anyone could listen to her speak for any length of time. Funny how it just depends on what you’re used to hearing.
I absolutely love reading this blog! I look forward to this almost as much as the show, keep up the great work!
He lives in Kirkland with his brother – that houseboat was not Kirkland. Jackie and Bender have a MORNING show so that whole thing was staged. The whole bit with the girls back at the hotel listening to the radio interview was fake, that was not a real segment. Plus, ABC would have never allowed for the names of the 3 girls in the studio to be released over the airwaves prior to the season even starting.
Why all the hate on Jillian’s accent?? I think it RULES. Of course, I love Canadian accents, but in any case I wouldn’t call hers “grating,” if anything it’s round and pleasing. Oh I’m such a Canadian lover.
But I do agree with #89 J that “the true winners are the ones who don’t win” LOL! And loved your line: “The contest isn’t for the coolest girl, it’s for the girl who best matches with the boring, very middle class, insurance salesman from the ‘burbs.” The problem is, though, that none of the remaining girls would be a best match! They are either too young and immature or are Jillian, who’s too cool for him.
Oh, and for everyone who can’t quite put a finger on why they don’t like Molly…may I remind you that she actually, for serious, pulled him away from the pool, saying, “Wanna see my special talent?” And her special talent was, “I’m a really good kisser.” PUKE!! The “I’m-a-spoiled-immature-attention-seeker” flags are waving high and proud…
#56 – don’t worry, you aren’t the only one! My sister and her husband say “Banana”!
My husband and I have used “Pineapple” as our safe word for years. Lincee, we must watch the same YouTube!
A couple things, Lincee, THANK YOU for making a boring episode seem so freaking hysterical in its aftermath. It was perfection.
Next, now this is a RUMOR, but there was something mentioned that one of the secrets and bombshells of the season is “lawsuit inducing.” Now, here is my guess, Naomi (I moan backwards) is or was a man. Some of it just makes sense. Have we ever seen her in a bathing suit? There is something about her, besides the hair, mouth and tongue that just has me going “hmmmmmm.”
Please don’t kill the messenger here! I am just imposing a theory!! And like many other theorists, I probably won’t be correct (here’s to you Nostradamus).
LINCEE!! – You’re TOO funny!! I’m grateful for the snooze-fest that was the show…because it provided the opportunity to enjoy your clever humor and not just the distraction of the crazy women/editing nonsense. I couldn’t wait to hear your comments on Melissa’s horrid snake dress and Stephanie’s scary vest. Also, what about all her rings??? Too much….too tacky!!!
LORAC (backwards Carol?) – You so nailed Molly! Now I can sleep at night, having settled exactly what I don’t like about her. You stated it very well. And the “Potato” conversation was priceless!
If you don’t want to see who Jason picks, then don’t watch this you tube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83d8e3hNoHA
Great as always Lincee, much better than the show.
#18 – You nailed it! Naomi as a Hooters waitress! That’s what it is; I couldn’t figure it out, but yes she definitely fits the description of a waitress at Hooters – a Hooters location in a bad part of town though. Perfect.
smh — LMAO! All girls who ever appear on the bachelorette have to deal with internet strangers ripping them from limb to limb, picking apart their hair, clothing, makeup, facial features, bodies, and so on. But has anyone accused a bachelorette of being a MAN? LOL LOL!
BTW, I just remembered something that cracked me up during the show… When Jason came by to have a chat with Jillian and the ABC sound effects technicians put in a “DING-DONG” doorbell sound just like the one back at the house. I dunno why, but the idea of a hotel room having a big loud doorbell seemed hilarious.
Just discovered your blog — LOVE IT. Count me in as another Canuck (born and bred in Vancouver) that can not hear Jillian’s accent – none whatsoever. There are many regional accents in Canada and she just sounds like anyone else who has lived in Alberta and BC. I did spend quite a bit of time on Monday night pretending I was Stephanie – that drawl just drives me crazy. I know I will have to duck and run from all the southern belles. But my goodness say what you have to say and don’t take forever on the last word LOL.
One other note about Stephanie – this show gave her a wonderful gift. She has learned that she will be able to love again and that’s fabulous. All young widows need that lesson. I am sure she will find someone and as other’s pointed out she needs an older gentleman that will appreciate her “ways”
GO JILLIAN – no matter what the outcome is on the Bachelor!!!
You know, I don’t know what made me think this- but since the show was kinda bland, I was kinda expecting yoru recap to be bland. BOY WAS I WRONG
Girl, you make the show better than it is!
Thanks for the giggle.
Shameless — I know! It wasn’t actually my theory. I’m a repeat theorist. But wouldn’t that make for the “most dramatic season EVER?”
Yeah… this episode was a bit of a snoozer. But you came through, as always Lincee!
I will say that all these women have totally grown on me. I think that Molly & Naomi are my least favorite out of the final four…. but they still aren’t as bad as some others left in the final four in previous seasons. (Shayne comes to mind) I think its because these women are all kind of normal. And they kind of understand what they are doing on this reality show. Its just refreshing to not see it all be about back stabbing and fighting. Yes, makes for melba toast TV… but in a way its slightly refreshing too.
I’m still pulling for Jillian… sounds like he might be too. But Melissa seems sweet too. I’m getting excited for the return of Deanna. Bring it on!!
Did anyone else catch Jason rolling his eyes when Naomi said she wanted to adopt during the fondue scene? I’m pretty sure he is not really into her at all and only let Stephanie go to spare Sophia from the publicity of the home town date (lack of chemistry with Stephanie notwithstanding).
And if the preview of Naomi’s hometown with the dead bird is any indication, I don’t know how they’re going to bill next week’s rose ceremony as the most dramatic in Bachelor history because it already seems pretty clear to me…
As for Melissa’s date this week – I’m thinking they weren’t just going to Snoqualmie Falls, but probably had something planned at the fancy schmancy hotel up there – which also makes me wonder whether the cancellation of the date was staged (as some people commented on a previous post) b/c if they had a sponsor like that comping the date, I don’t think they could have backed out so easily…
Lincee, some very good lines in this recap. (This is a guy speaking here). “She picked up toys and half-eaten pizza. The ABC camera man and boom mic guy were ticked because that was actually their dinner.” LOL!!
Anyway, while I was happy to see all the crazy bitches go….my god, how boring the show became in just one week. Virtually unwatchable.
But to be honest, THE most annoying part of the show is Jason. Dude, LEARN HOW TO SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH!!!! How many f’ing times can a person say “like” in one sentence?? I thought I was listening to some high school valley girl for two hours. As i said last week, this dude is a himbo. If he didn’t look like a model yoga instructor, what exactly is the appeal of this guy? So far, the only other qualities he has is he uses the word “amazing” to describe EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and, like, say, like, like, like, every other, like, word when he, like, speaks. The guy is a dope.
Re: Stephanie. While I’d LOOOOOOVE to find out personally what she means that she makes sure she pleases her man in bed, what’s with the corny butterfly kisses? You wanna excite me? Put your tongue down my throat. Also, did anyone else find it a little disturbing how she talked about her dead husband at the end? I got the sense that, no matter what, she will always be most in love with him and any guy she marries will play second fiddle until they are reunited in Jesus Land. Methinks she’s not ready to move on.
Naomi? I’m guessing that train wreck is over after next week. I got the heebie jeebies watching the preview. What a freakshow of a family. And, frankly, this girl is way too young, way too inexperienced and immature for marriage. She’s got a bad background and only been with one guy (sorry, but I still think just being with one guy before getting married is a big mistake for both spouses – and I speak from experience). Not even remotely ready to be a mother to that poor kid.
It’s gonna be down to Molly and the Moose Hunter. But, of course, there’s the old chick coming back. And, as was alluded to here earlier, there is something else shocking that’s going to happen that we don’t know about. I have a friend who knows one of the girls already booted off the show and said there was something “really shocking” that happens but won’t spill the beans. I think one of them finds out she’s prego or something cool like that.
Did anyone else notice Stephanie’s parting remark to Jason when they were sitting on the bench about how Jason didn’t look at her “the way Deanna looked at Jesse”? Subtle dig?!? That just couldn’t have been an off-the-cuff remark.
Hey, also, has anyone questioned why Jason would keep Naomi even though she is a flight attendant? For someone who wants a new mommy for his kid, why would you pick one with a career that very likely has your wife traveling several days a week? That right there would rule her out for me.
I think Jillian should hook up with Chi-cah-go Fred from Dyawna’s season. They’d be perfect for each other with their adorable accents.
You’re hilarious. I nominate Lincee to appear on the After the Final Rose panel discussion episode. I’d love to hear some of your trademark narrative but in real-time while they replay clips of every crazy freak out and lame stunt of the season. Who do I call?
Lincee – I totally love your blog. So much fun to read each week. You make it worth it to watch the Bachelor, even when we get boring episodes like this. Just when I want to turn it off and watch my DVRd shows from Sunday night, I think “well, if i don’t watch it now I won’t know what Lincee is talking about.”
However – I do have one tiny little issue….What’s with all the tramp stamp hating? As the proud “owner” of a tramp stamp I have defend all my fellow tramp stamp wearers and say that we are not all tramps. We are not all strippers. We are not even all super-party girls. We just wanted a little ink and found that particular area a great place for putting it. You can proudly wear it and display it as you’d like without actually being a slut (wouldn’t you rather see someone whip out their tramp stamp than someone whip out the tat they got on their boob or other places…). Then you can cover it up when you wish, so that you can continue with your day job of being whatever profession you wish to be.
Just as I don’t assume blondes are dumb and ditzy, don’t assume those of us with lower back ink are tramps and/or strippers.
Signed,
Lower Back Tat Girl
Jennifer– sometime a name just sticks and is pretty hard to take out of circulation. The term “tramp stamp” for lower back tats has been around for a long time now. People here didn’t invent it. And I’m sure we all realize that it doesn’t actually make someone a tramp. Relax.
I agree that Jennifer should relax. It’s just what that tattoo is called. And while of course I don’t think all girls who have this type of tattoo are tramps, it is generally not considered a classy placement for a tattoo. It’s just the reputation it has. Sorry. If Melissa had kept hers covered as you are able to do in professional situations, then maybe we wouldn’t be making fun of her.
Also, it’s more indicative of who she is as a person — sweet girl, yes, but young and in a different place in her life than Jason is.
#78 Karen S – I just happened to pay attention to the Rose Ceremony after Stephanie got the Lego-rose and I noticed she was holding a real rose then. So she must have had to give the Lego-rose back.
#55 K.P – Melissa reminds me of the brunette version of Mandy Moore. Drove me nuts for two weeks!
Shameless – If not the lower back, then where is a “classy placement for a tattoo”?
As a guy, I want to step in and defend #111 Jennifer and women with tats. To be honest, I like them (unless they are grotesquely huge). A woman with a tattoo or two tells me they are a little wild. Boring, prudish girls don’t get them. So, I, too, don’t get why people rag on them. When I spot one on a girl in the office who I hadn’t suspected had one, it’s a bit of a turn on.
I have to echo “I Love the Bachelor” #116. Is there a “classy” place for a tattoo?? No everyone wants their ink to show to the whole world, all the time. Hence, the lower back is a perfect place that you can show if you want, and cover up if you want.
If you get a tattoo, that’s fine. it’s a free country. However, it’s naive to think that people won’t be judging you-they will. At least 50%, if not more, of people looking at a lower back tattoo are going to instantly think: stripper, hoochie, slutty…etc. Are they going to come up to you to verify their thoughts? No, they’re just going to think them. Enjoy your tatoo, but don’t be naive. It was a choice you made when you had it permanently etched into your skin. Our choices in our physical appearance send messages, whether we like it or not. Even the guy up there saying he likes tattoos says he thinks ‘wild’ when sees them. So, there you go. If this makes you feel bad– Well, that’s how Dermatologists make money doing tattoo removal. I had a friend with a small butterfly tattooed on her ankle, and when her ‘dream guy’ saw it, he told her he couldn’t see himself with a tattooed girl, and she went through very costly, painful laser removal. when she had it done, she saw it as fun and a lark, but it wasn’t until later that she realized the social stigma that went along with it. Don’t mean to be a meanie here….I’m just the messenger.
Can I just again address WHY in the world Naomi was wearing her hood during much of her date??!!! Could she have possibly thought that looked good??!! This was probably the thing that stuck out to me the most out of this whole episode!!!
I’m married to my hubby for over 8 years and have been contemplating a tat for years! And yes…in the tramp stamp area for no other reason than it’s the ONLY place I can totally cover it up in a swim suit. I just think they are cool. My hubby is a professional artist and i want him to design it. If only I could get over the fear of the pain…it would be there already! Everyone is entitled to their opinion. While full sleeve, neck , and facial tats gross me out a bit, in a lot of cases (with the right artist) they really are works of art. (Miami Ink, anyone – some of their work is fantastically stunning!) It’s fun to read different opinions as long as they don’t get biting and nasty. Just sayin’…let’s all play nice in the sandbox.
Only bad girls used to get tattoos. But, IMO, having one these days doesn’t make you ‘bad’, rock n roll, a rebel or a tramp. Especially if it’s a flower, fairy, cartoon figure or some heart bs. Now they are common, pedestrian and cliched. When every Tom, Dick and Henrietta starting getting them a few years ago because it was the ‘cool’ thing to do (and putting them above your crack was the ‘cool’ place to put it) it was no longer cool. It’s a trend and the people who do it are sheep. It’s like having the latest Coach bag. IMO.
Help me out with this, Melissa has worn a star of David, so assume she’s Jewish and I thought Jews cannot be buried in a Jewish cemetery with tattoos? And if you wear the symbol wouldn’t that imply that your religion is important to you? Although I watched DCC and the director was pretty condescending about tattoos and they had to be covered up and I don’t remember her ever getting on Melissa at uniform fittings. But it could be a new addition, I suppose. Or just a mic pack.
OHCH’s blog mentioned the girls borrow each other’s clothes. I can’t help thinking ever since surely Mel borrowed the reptilian boob holder dress from Stephanie.
team jillian all the way. my husband watched last night, and said that Jason pulling her away to question her feelings was very telling that he is way into her.
Molly – is it just me or does she love attention? and herself. I agree with those who commented that she is fake. She tells the camera how embarrassed she is to go back to the house with J’s clothes on, and then she makes a huge scene as soon as she gets there. Then, at the rose ceremony last night when she was “worried” she was going home was as fake as Steph’s eyelashes. I hope Molly goes soon.
I agree that Naomi’s hood was straight up terrible. I don’t get it.
Ok, #109, Jillian sounds NOTHING like Chi-cah-go Fred! I can’t even hear Jillian’s accent, to me she doesn’t have one but I could sure hear his! Fred’s accent was even worse than Stephanie’s! I’m pretty sure there’s no way Jillian could stand Fred’s accent, it sounds nothing like hers (if she has one).
Lincee- if your head is in the gutter, then so is mine! EXACTLY what I was thinking at first glance of the rock wall and inside the shop! I’m glad you admitted it…makes me feel a lot better knowing that I wasn’t the only one.
#121 – “in the tramp stamp area for no other reason than it’s the ONLY place I can totally cover it up in a swim suit”… I can think of a few other places that would be covered with a swimsuit, surely you can! (In fact, the place in question would definitely show if I wore a bikini). Just suggestin’. No judgment. I like the idea of the hip actually, in that ticklish place… guys must find that sexy, no?!?!
I can’t believe I joined the tat discussion… LOL!
)
Back to snakes on dresses, phallic walls and regional accents now…………
Someone needed to introduce Naomi to the Proactiv Solution when they picked her to be on national tv. Think close-ups people!!!
How could you not comment on the incredibly uncomfortable spaghetti scene between Naomi and Jillian. Odd.
Would someone please figure out when the finale will be aired and post the date? Thanks.
You guys back and forth with the tattoo arguing…so funny!
While I found the Naomi’s crotch shot awkward, I thought it was even more awkward that she had that stupid hoodie on inside the rock climbing store. How many bobby pins and interns do you think it took to keep it in place?
Anyone else think that if Jillian isn’t pick she would probably become the next Bachelorette? She would definitely be entertaining. Hot dog eating contest?
Although I greatly admire Steph’s graciousness while leaving the show (seriously, one of the few that didn’t cause a scene), I greatly think that she might need a little help with her eye makeup… I finally figured out what that “weirdness” was…this week.. Her freakishly, catlike appearance is either due to NO lower lashes, or no TREATMENT of them… Can we vote her awesome personality to just run right over to the What Not To Wear Department of Bravo? Pretty please?
#73, I agree it had to have been Snoqualmie. A ferry ride across the sound would have been far better and more scenic than cruising Lake Union. I will agree that Jillian would fit in the PNW. I am from the other side of the sound (Bremerton) and know that there is so much more to do.
From what I have seen so far, 3 of the 4 remaining girls want to keep their tongues in J’s mouth. They are not working on a solid foundation and that is why they break up in a few months. Jillian does want to kiss J but it is important to her that it be on her terms. J is not the only one who can end up with a broken heart. I think that when he told her that he was REALLY falling for her, it gave her the go ahead to let loose and put another brick on the foundation. They are moving up to the next level, ensurilng that there is something solid to support the distance in the future.
Or and one more thing, Lin, you didn’t comment on the goop that was on Mell’s face when Steph was talking to her daughter. Made me crack up.
#124 — didn’t mean anything by my comment and I also didn’t mean to suggest that Jill and Fred’s accents were even remotely similar. And Jill DOES have an accent as far as us non-canadians go. Just like people would probably say I have an accent since I’m from Texas (yet I don’t think I do). I think Jill’s accent is cute. It’s different from what we normally hear on the Bachelor and that makes her more interesting.
This is the best site. There are many pretenders, but only one you. If I didn’t have this dang day job, I’d write something similar, but not as good.
TO FORMER BACH’ETTE: Start a blog. Without attribution. Be somewhat discreet, but not that discreet. Read Tina Wu and Kate Brockhouse blogs about Bach 10 season. It can be done, without getting sued. There are lines not to cross. But plenty to spill.
I’m all about the behind the scenes and on screen exploitation that occurs. Yes, people get into it with eyes wide open (just read the contract) or shame on them, and all of that. But it still KILLS me that educated, smart, otherwise fun women produce and create this show for a living. They should be ashamed.
End rant!
Lincee’s blog this week was 10x better than the show. And please dear ABC do not make Stephanie the next Bachelorette. It would be too much focus on the “tragic past”.
I too can’t believe I am joining the “tramp stamp” discussion. I would find it hard to believe that more than 50% of people would judge someone to be of questionalble morals just for having a tattoo, no matter where it might be. I got one 7 years ago, in the exact place we’re talking about here, at the age of 42. I am a college educated professional woman who had a love of art and had just experienced my life’s greatest moment swimming with dolphins in the open ocean off the coast of NZ. Wanting to commemorate the occasion for all eternity, especially as a visual cue for once the dementia kicks in, I designed a beautiful dolphin/ocean thing and there it is. It is the perfect place should I choose to cover it up, but I have never been worried about anyone seeing it and judging me any differently. When I asked my daughter about her ginormous tattoo on her back and whether she would be worried about having one that size when she is 80 and it resides on the backs of her knees, her response, “it won’t matter because all my friends will have them too”. Tattooing is an art form that has gained a much wider popularity in recent years. I’m just sayin’.
OMG everyone, “tramp stamp” is just a funny name, it rhymes, and it’s catchy. Do I really think every woman who has one is of “questionable morals”? NO. Repeat. NO NO NO. I would be a moron for thinking that, as would anyone else. But it CAN lend an impression of someone, good or bad, if it’s poking out from your clothing in the office, at the beach, on national TV or elsewhere. If you really didn’t want your tat to get any second glances at all, you’d damn well make sure it’s private and covered…in my experience most people with tattoos think they are beautiful and part of them and want them to get noticed. Getting noticed goes both ways, good or bad. First impressions do occur and you should be comfortable enough with that t-stamp and yourself not to get all defensive about it.
Here’s the problem with tattoos. They are a permanent expression of what may be, and probably is, a temporary feeling or whim.
Therefore, I think they represent not “trampiness” but short sightedness. It is very unlikely that your taste will remain the same throughout your life, but you cannot replace your skin without great hardship.
My daughter wants a tattoo. I tell her that she asked me for a Barney the Dinosaur tattoo when she was three. That shuts her up.
Enough with the tattoo discussion. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Wouldn’t “classy tattoo” be an oxymoron? And, while I’m on a roll, if you are wearing a piece of jewelry that says “classy,” odds are you are not.
#143 BD — I second that! Discuss tats on a tats message board!
Back to the real reason we’re all here:
Naomi — Really bugs. I hope she’s gone next week and I think she will be, if the previews are any indication ( which, granted, they usually aren’t). I just cannot see him keeping her over any of the other three. I won’t get into the whole jaw, mouth, tongue thing because those are things that she can’t really help. However, please, Na(omi), put a simple little clip in the chunk of hair that constantly hangs over your face. Even Jason moved it out of the way at least 2, possibly 3, times. She looks like she’s 13, hiding behind her hair, maybe she’s trying to seem coy or something. Unfortunately, for her, it comes off as being way too young to be a wife and step-mom. Oh, and why, why, why, have a hoodie that you keep pulling up when you are indoors??? Hideous. It was almost as bad as the ripped up sweatshirt that she pulled out of a dumpster behind Goodwill. I actually had to fast forward through her 1one1, it was soooooo awkward it was painful to watch. Tip: do not say your mom was irresponsible, immature, etc. and then in the next breath say you find yourself becoming more like your mom. Duh! How did she end up being in the final five? Seriously?
Molly — tries way too hard. She sounds like she has cue cards memorized for all of J’s questions. Otherwise, she’s just meh for me.
Melissa — get a wardrobe person. That snake-dress was awful! She seems fun, though, and easy to talk to, but for the first time last night something didn’t sit well with me on her 1one1 with Jason. Every other epi they seemed so comfortable and happy to be together, but this time it seemed a little stilted. *shrug* Of course, it must be hard to be “on” the whole time you’re on a “date”.
Jillian — became my favorite. I really liked how she opened up in the coffee shop. She seems to be the most aware of herself and trying not to look like a fool on national television. Wait. She did sit in a bathtub in her bikini sipping a beer with a bubble beard. So then again, maybe not. Other than that slip, she seems to be the most mature and I think she’s also gorgeous to boot. She almost may be too good for our boy J.
Hi Tina, #138, no worries re: Jillian & Chicago Fred! I just took your earlier post to mean that you thought they sounded the same and thought “no way!” Apparently we Canadians ‘do’ have an accent that we’re unaware of, even us prairie province people. We are very aware of the french-canadian accents and of course the maritimers’ but thought we just spoke ‘normal’ hehe.
I was just sensitive about it because some people have commented about how awful Jillian’s accent is.
FORMER B-ETTE: Please come back! Pleeeeeaaaasssseee! Just a couple more of your opinions/experiences would be wonderful.
Ok, what happened to DDhana coming back? Did i miss that episode? Lincee – can you ask your buddy OHCH??
I’d hate to go back and attempt to figure this out, but did anyone else notice that somehow the numbers are messed up? (They seem to mostly be 3 off). That is, when I referred to post #121, it was correct – now it says #124 on the original. And when Tina (now 138) mentions post #124, that post is now 127 (which refers to 109, now 112… etc etc etc). Of course the latest posts are okay. And most of the top posts seem to be too…
WEBMAN! Help…!!!!! What happened???
My guess is webman deleted some posts that were spoilers or ones that were accidentally posted twice?
Lincee, are you reading all this chatter going on on Reality Steve’s blog? Your blog is mentioned quite a bit and there are some serious theories floating around out there. Apparently there is some huge “jaw-dropping” shocker! Do you know anything about this?
Also, did anyone notice that Jason is wearing the same shirt when he is talking to Deanna as he had on on his one on one with Naomi? What’s up with that?
BD (#150) – That’s what I first thought but the numbers went up, rather than down. A mystery.
chillycanuck — just want to tell you how jealous I am that you are in Canadaland. i had the good fortune of visiting Vancouver, BC twice and it took me all of about 5 minutes to decide I want to live there. apparently, you can’t just move to Canada (darn!) so guess that dream will continue to be just that…a dream.
PS — also got to sit 2nd row at a Canucks hockey game and it was one of the best sports highlights of my life! hearing the crowd sing “Oh Canada” was quite an experience. oh…and i got to walk back to my hotel from the stadium so was mixed in with a bunch o’ rowdy Canucks fans. so, so fun!
Tina – We do love our hockey and the enthusiasm is quite contagious hehe! I don’t think you’d be jealous of where I live in northern Alberta, it’s nothing like Vancouver that’s for sure! We’ve had one of the worst winters I’ve ever experienced with tons of snow and long stretchs of -35/-40C. It’s making me want to move to southern BC since I probably can’t just move to the US
Hey guys! Thanks for all the posts and comments!
To answer a few questions:
1. I don’t read Reality Steve because I don’t want to hear spoilers. I like to be surprised.
2. The numbers are messed up because if anyone posts an entry with a link, WebMAN or I have to go in and approve it. They hold it in the spam folder until we give the go ahead. So that’s why numbers are three off or so. Sorry for the inconvenience!
3. Our Host Chris Harrison is keeping his mouth shut when it comes to DDAHnna. Probably so it can be the most dramatic Bachelor moment in history.
I saw the tat on “Mel’s” back… I think it was actually a microphone. After a rewind, I feel confidant that she isn’t tatted up. Plus, I doubt Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders would have let her skimp around in their uniform with a tramp stamp. Logic points to microphone.
Kim – I tried to post the same thing yesterday, but my post wouldn’t go through. IIRC from watching the DCC Making the Team show, I don’t think the DCC are allowed to have tats or body piercings. I guess she could have gotten it after leaving DCC, but I think we would have noticed it in one of the bikini scenes.
But didn’t someone post they new for sure it was a tat and even included what it said? Just remembering….
OK Lincee, long time reader, first time writer…. I’m a guy and yes I read your blog. You are one of the funniest writers I’ve ever read.
A co-worker of mine got me into the bachelor and recommended your blog.
My return question….. was it me or did Jason (Jase) go from being melba toast to white bread, vanilla, snow-white, milque toast??? He needs the ABC intern to run out and get him a pair….
Oh, and my wife concurs that she hasnt seen a side ponytail since the 80′s!!
Keep up the good work!
I thought I posted earlier that my hubby & I were disagreeing about whether we saw audio box or a tat, and someone responded that they had seen Mel’s tat in person, and that it said “True Love.” Not sure what happened to those posts. In the following shot of Mel’s back on Jason’s fake couch, she had pulled up her stretchy briefs to cover! I need Tivo.
It’s definitely a tattoo. No question. More than likely she had her mic pac under her bra strap. They put the mic pacs on the girls’ upper thighs too, especially when they have a low back dress.
Oh my God I just found this site and LOVE IT!! I absolutely just L’dMAO during your entire recap. Lincee you are my new hero! Now I am going to have to go back and read the old ones.
Loved reading all the comments also without everyone trying to sleuth and figure out what happens at what time based on the direction of the moon, lol!
We missed you fly on the wall! Any other info you can give us?
mel has a tattoo that says “true love”
the DCC made her cover it – seriously there is airbrush makeup that can cover anything
Rumor has it (D Magazine Blog) that Mel is picked to win. Rumor also has it that she was spotted in Dallas with a different guy. Hmmm…
okay, I’m a little concerned, my DVR isn’t showing The Bachelor in its listings tomorrow because of Obamas Press conference. I’m in Canada, so I checked the non ABC channel that carries it here in Canada and they also have Obama. No matter what time zone I look in! I have set it to record everything on either side of Obama that says TBA for fear of missing it. Then I checked the guide for next week and they’re listing it as the New Zealand dates. Uh oh. Have things just not been updated on my listings, are they skipping an episode or did I miss something??? Does anyone know??
Are they ditching the DeAnna part? Now that she’s with that Real World dude? Or were they tricking us with mismatched clips in the first episode?
#168 Melanna, on abc web site they show Obama’s speech coming on an 7 central time, followed by 2 hours of the Bachelor. So, that would be 8 central and 9 Pacific and Eastern.
Hope that helps!
Thanks Jeanne, thats must be the two hour TBA that my DVR is showing!
#161 Jay: Ahahahah – milque toast! Good one. I will be watching tonight, despite my husband’s looks of disgust at my clear lack of intellect.
LORAC – you are not alone. I am friends with a couple that tend to get in some public spats and they use the word Tomato when they are about to get into a fight and want to warn the other one to shut it.
Staceface, I’m from Dallas and I don’t think I’ve ever shopped at Cache…
DC, what is a himbo? And, “You wanna excite me? Put your tongue down my throat.” Hahahahahaaha!!!
I like “the reptilian boob holder” as a description of Melissa’s dress.
Leigh – what Real World dude is DDah with?
This was a really boring episode, but the blog was as entertaining as ever (and reading the posts has allowed me to procrastinate myself through a good portion of my work day). Did anyone else think it was rude of “J” to leave Melissa hanging for so long before calling her to let her know their plans had changed??? I mean… you had her get all dressed up and be ready to go at 7:30 on the dot, and then you wait until 8:15 or 8:30 to call and tell her the date is off?! Have the ABC intern bring a cordless into Ty’s room and clue the poor girl in! I have to say, I got a bit choked up when J gave his “Steph is the greatest person in the world” speech at the end of the rose ceremony. She truly is a class act, and I hope she finds love… though NOT on national television, because I don’t think I could stomach her as the Bachelorette. In the nicest way possible…
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