iHateGreenBeans

***Note to reader:  my sister had the cutest baby known to man yesterday and my father, who even though we lived in the same house for 20 years, only went upstairs twice to “raise his eyebrow” at Jamie and I for jumping on the bed, has barely left the hospital.***

Daddy:  Hello?

Lincee:  Hi Daddy.  What are you doing?

Daddy:  I’m up at the hospital.  I held the baby for 30 minutes.  You know…

Lincee:  Awwww!  She loves you!  Are you holding her now?

Daddy:  No.  I’m in the hallway. 

Lincee:  Why?  Bad phone reception in the room?

Daddy:  The latex nurse is in there. 

Lincee:  The what?

Daddy:  The latex…the lack-test…the lack…the milk nurse.

Lincee:  Easy for you to say.

Daddy:  Whatever.

You have him wrapped around your finger Addison.  Rock on girl!

Don’t you just love this picture?  ABC totally janked the Bachelor headshot from the Pier One Bureau, photoshopped Nancy out and replaced Melissa in front of Tony. 

And no…I’m not writing a recap on Dancing with the Stars.  I simply don’t have enough time.  The Offshore Technology Conference is coming up and you know how I get CRAZY when that time of year rolls around. 

But I just HAD to post about Tony DOVOLANI and Melissa.  I said it last week and I’ll say it again…home boy is PUMPED that he is scoring so big with ABC’s reality reject darling.  He practically foxtrotted Melissa right out of her Beverage Distributions office in Dallas, flashing his clean shaven chest to her numerous cube mates. 

On a side note:  Do these people get paid to do this show?  Will Beverage Distributions (which I think is code for Miller Lite) give Mel her job back when her 15 minutes of fame are up?  Is there a possibility that I can become sort of famous, land a gig on the show and have Maks samba roll me out of my office as I wave dreamily to my co-workers?  It’s definitely something to look in to.  Someone get Our Host Hare on the phone for me…

So Melissa’s lower back tat rhinestones were in full sparkle.  She glided across the floor.  Len and Bruno love her.  Carrie Ann calls her out and says, “This comes easy for you.  Challenge yourself.”  I high five myself.  Melissa pretends that this is hard, but it’s time she OWNS IT like Kristi Yamaguchi did two seasons ago. 

Regardless…Tony danced a jig when they received three nines.  He’s cleaning off a shelf for his disco ball trophy.  Mark my words.

Speaking of Mark.  ADORABLE.  I heart him.  And Shawn Johnson.  And Shawn Johnson’s cute parents.  Just one comment though…stop telling us that you are only 17.  That doesn’t work when you have a gold medal around your neck.  But I still heart you.

I also love Lil’ Kim.  Since she dedicated her first dance to the women’s penitentiary, she won me over.  She just needs to get rid of the stank face while gyrating her booty.  You know what I’m talking about.

Let’s face it…Tony DOVOLANI could care less right now that Nancy O’Dell has a fancy brace on her ankle that matches her “you’re too old for this” mini dress.  Tony has a shot at the sparkly disco ball trophy!  Not since season two’s WWE wrestler Stacey Keibler has he been so excited to face the trio of judges.  Melissa is his golden ticket to first place.

And why is everyone so shocked that Mel can learn a dance in two days?  She has a DANCE BACKGROUND.  She went through DCC training camp.  I think it was tough, but of course she can do it.  I think the more obvious questions are: a) where can I get one of those bedazzled stickers to cover up my tramp stamp? and b) was that not an amazing crazy fro she was rockin’ last night in her salsa?  You know how I love fake hair.

I’ve almost forgotten that she is a Bachelor reject.  Have not forgotten her cheerleader background since her mouth is open the majority of the time.  Mel needs to pull back on the teeth whitening chemicals and go up a shade in self tanning.  That smile is bright and FIERCE!   

With that said, I’m rooting for Melissa and Tony.  Dancing with the “Stars” is back people.  Embrace the fringe.

This is such a fun outtake.  The hilarious Ricky Gervais improvs on Sesame Street and Kevin Clash (Elmo) proves he can hang with the best of them.  I love how they crack each other up around the one minute mark and Elmo covers his face laughing.

Happy Friday everyone!