iHateGreenBeans

My friend Kyle Cordell and I are kindred spirits when it comes to the infatuation of a certain reality show.  In a recent conversation on Facebook, I realized that he has some pretty impressive insight to this obsession we call American Idol.  I asked him if he would like to share a few thoughts on “Rat Pack” week. 

 

He shared.  And then some.  Enjoy!

 

Personal note:  We are adamant supporters of Kris Allen.  America…pick up the phone and VOTE.  I do not want to see my boy in the bottom three again.

 

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Even though people were nervous about Tuesday night, thinking that the iodlettes would not do well, I figured it was going to be one of my favorites of the year.  And I loved it. I love that type of music, and I feel that that with the talent this year, they can do anything.

 

So I will start with the things that bug the crap out of me.

1. ADAM LAMBERT

I am pretty sure the world is hypnotized by him. I am serious. Jensen (a friend) and I watch the show and analyze it every year together. I can not ever remember agreeing on anything—EVER.  For instance, he loved crazy skunk girl last year and I could not stand her. And I like Gina from a few years back, and he wanted her vocal cords to be cut in half. So when I first saw Adam, I knew that I could not stand him, which meant Jensen loved him. When he said that Adam bugged him more than a Jonas Brothers concert opening with Miley…I was in heaven.  

 

I figured that Adam would last a few shows and then America would look at him and his patented hyena yell he does for every song and vote him off. I think two things happened that have kept him on:

 

A.)  Simon giving him a standing O (which is only because time was running out)

B.)  Paula crying for every song he sings. I think she would willingly give up her first born to just to hear him scream.

 

I am sorry if you like him, but when he sings, and you know he is about to yell, I actually cringe and close my ears.  I then proceed to get mad at America for keeping him in. Yes he can sing.  Stop yelling and I think he would do fine.

2. Kara Diannoying

Holy cow please tell me she is not taking Paula’s place. Because if anyone thought Paula was bad, Kara will ruin that show. It is like when you were dating a girl in high school and then the ‘hot’ girl showed interest in you and you went out with her, and over dinner you realized that she could not carry a conversation with her glass of water and you proceeded to pray that Doc Brown would come flying through the room and take you back in time with Huey and you would not break up with the better girl.

 

This week when she did her little Danny “Rat Pack swagger” thing, I threw up in my mouth and my ears shut down. For me she is like a mix between Juliette and Ben from lost. There are times when she shows redeeming qualities and says things that are ok, and you know she may be there to save the strandees on the island, but you don’t care. Nothing she can do will ever make me like her. She may be good, but when her mouth opens, I feel like my DVR is going to run out at the end and I am going to miss another performance. (How can you let this happen FOX? Oh yeah…limit Paula and Kara to two words each.)

I WILL STOP ON THE ANNOYING, BECAUSE THAT WAS A LOT OF HATE IN THE THERE

1. Danny Gokey

He was one of my favorites going into the show. I love his raspy voice and his energy. I feel though that his performances are the same. They start out and you are like, “This is good, but can you just get to the part when you take the mic off the stand and start really using your raspy voice?”  Because that is what I want to hear.  And it never disappoints me.

2.  Allison

“Alone” was an amazing performance at the beginning of the season, and I fell like she has had some amazing ones.  But none like that.

3.  Kris Allen

I am basically biding time until I talk about Kris Allen. He has quickly become my man crush, surpassing Cool Breeze from the Unit, Darius Rucker and Gardale Hatley. (Not Barry Sanders though.  He is always number one.) I loved Kris from “Man in the Mirror.” I bought his performance and have loved him ever since. He does not have bad songs. He has ones that maybe aren’t great, but never bad. His “Ain’t No Sunshine” was the best song I have ever seen on American Idol (followed closely by “Hallelujah” last year and Bo Bice’s acapella a few years back.) He is the only one on the show now that is so diverse musically. His arrangements are amazing and sometimes very different than the original, which is what we are looking for. And “Falling Slowly” may be one of my favorite vocals ever. I bought it the day after he sang it.  As of today, it has 79 plays on my iTunes, not counting iPod and the CD I burned of it in my car. Obsessed?  Yes.  But that’s ok.

 

 

 

When I watch the results show, I usually go really fast through them because they are typically bad performances and the judges talking just to hear themselves talk. I was excited about Natalie Cole.  She has a good voice but the song was bad.  And I love Jamie Foxx, but he proved that if you get a voice changer and have a good body, you too can make it big. I want him behind a piano singing blues and jazzy stuff. Please Jamie— don’t turn into Kanye.  The world can only take one if him.

 

I want Ryan one day at the beginning of the show to say, “OK Kiren.  Dim the lights. Adam, you sang some song that you yelled and…oh screw it.  You’re going home. Ok now we can have a real show.”

 

Allison has the girl votes and will kill next week. Danny and Kris have the same pool with Kris getting the young girl votes (count me as a voter.)  Adam is going to get all the people who don’t really think on their own and only listen to the judges.  Sorry if that was harsh. I just really don’t like him. If he goes home next week, I promise I will take my shirt off, grab my dog and celebrate with the neighbors like Denzel did in Titans right before the big game. Fletch will be on my shoulders and I will yell at the neighbors to come out as I scream, “We did it. We really did it! The beast has been slayed.”

 

Please grant me this opportunity.

While purchasing an ironing board and shampoo at my neighborhood Super Target, I spotted this little gem on the endcap at register 25:

 

 

I know what you’re thinking…and I’m right there with you. 

 

a.)  “You scored Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too for the economical price of five bucks?”  Yes.  Yes I did.

b.)  “Isn’t Jason Bateman the cutest?” He is one of the most adorable actors I know.

c.)  “Lincee…why is Teen Wolf not already in your DVD repertoire?”   Blasphemous, I admit. 

 

But you can all rest easy now that it has a home in my alphabetically organized DVD holder in-between Take the Lead and That Thing You Do.  We should celebrate with a little van surfing after work. 

You know you want to.

 

1. TEAM WOLF PACK!

2. Remember my name…FAME!

I love great debating.  Especially when I debate with a certain someone who really thinks he is providing solid factual evidence on why I may or may not be clinically crazy. 

 

About a year ago, Chance and I randomly debated the vocal stylings of Michael Jackson.  It was messy to say the least, and resulted in my very first website retraction.  See here and here.

 

But the other night, I was in a particularly good mood and decided to call my old friend up to tackle another great debate:

 

What are the top five Prince songs of all time?

 

Fortunately, Chance was able to pull himself away from legal briefs in order to discuss this important matter with a clear and open mind.  Since we had “issues” with the Jackson debate, I decided we start off by simply listing all the Prince songs we could think of in five minutes.  Afterwards, we would both narrow down until we had reached a top five of our own. 

 

-          Little Red Corvette

-          Raspberry Beret

-          When Doves Cry

-          Purple Rain

-          Kiss

-          Let’s Go Crazy

-          1999

-          Diamonds and Pearls

-          7

-          U Got the Look

-          Cream

-          The Most Beautiful Girl

-          Darling Nicki

-          Take Me With You

 

Then Chance suggests something completely out of left field.  That brings us to the first sound bite of the night:

 

Chance:  “Beautiful Ones.”  That’s a good song.

Lincee:  What the heck is “Beautiful Ones?”  I’ve never heard that in my life.

 

Chance:  Whatever.

Lincee:  I’m serious.  I’ve never heard that song.  Sing it.

 

Chance (humming something unrecognizable):  It’s hard to recreate. 

Lincee:  Clearly

 

Chance:  It’s just Prince being beautiful.  Don’t write that down.

Lincee:  Too late.  You said it.  It’s on the record. 

 

A few minutes later, we learn that “Little Red Corvette” and “Purple Rain” have both made it to the top five in each of our lists.  I’m not sure the thought process behind Chance’s selection, but I personally chose the two stellar songs because they reminded me of the time the seniors danced a Prince medley at our Bobcat Belle Spring Show.  Listening closely to the lyrics of “Little Red Corvette” later in life, I’m quite shocked that our director let us bust out a few jazz hands to that song.

 

It reminds me of the conversation I had with my Mom about the song “Grease Lightening” and how she used to let me and my sister sing it to the top of our lungs.  In front of people.  On numerous occasions.  If you recall, it was full of innuendos and a few dirty words that you can’t even miss!

 

Mother stands firm with the old stand by of:  “You didn’t know what you were saying back then.  It’s fine.”

 

Cut to Hallsville High School auditorium circa 1994 and me executing a perfect jeté to the verse that talks about the singer having a pocketful of Trojans. 

 

Nice. 

 

Let’s get back on track.

 

To recap, Chance has without a doubt solidified his top three in the form of “Little Red Corvette,” “Purple Rain,” and “Beautiful Ones.”  (I know…right?)  It’s down to the final two.

 

Chance:  “Let’s Go Crazy” is looking like a solid contender.”

Lincee:  You have GOT to be kidding me Chance.  Are you serious? 

 

Chance:  But I have moves to that song.  The part about picking up the phone…

Lincee:  There are a ton of songs better than “Let’s Go Crazy.”  What about “7,” or “Diamonds and Pearls?”  “Raspberry Beret for sure!”

 

Chance:  Ooohhhh…. “Raspberry Beret” is good.  But I’m gay if that is in my top five.

Lincee:  You already admitted that fact with this “Beautiful Ones” nonsense. 

 

It all comes down to the lists (in no particular order):

 

Chance:

When Doves Cry

Purple Rain

Little Red Corvette

Beautiful Ones

Let’s Go Crazy

 

Lincee:

Purple Rain

Little Red Corvette

7

Kiss

U Got the Look

 

It’s up to you guys to decide.  Who has the better list?  Who knows the true meaning of what Prince represented before he was the Artist Formerly Known As?  Would any of you put “Beautiful Ones” in your top five?  Sound off in the comments below.