No. The gay pirate pants were not at the Offshore Technology Conference (OTC) I’ve been attending all week. Even though I’ve witnessed a Scottish guy sans bagpipes, two Canadian Mounties and a couple of Hooters girls handing out condoms at their booth (no lie), I am referring to one Adam Lambert.
Gay. Pirate. Pants.
OTC is something I typically prepare for at the beginning of February. I’ve been so excited to see this week come (and eventually end), but I’ve been super busy with my fake smile and pretending to actually know the inner working of a subsea tree, that my website posts sometimes take a back seat.
Enter my friend Kyle Cordell. He stepped up to the plate last week and hit a home run by agreeing to recap another one of my favorite reality shows. Because we had so many hits and such great comments, I asked him to blog the show again.
Since I will be OTC-free next week (and since our writing style is so similar) we are going to do something I’ve never done before next Tuesday. We are going to live blog the show! We will comment on whatever pops into our head and then post during the commercials. I’m laughing just thinking about it now, so I hope you guys come back for some more next week!
Then, of course, it will be back to your regularly scheduled program of Jillian and her 30 beefcakes. Are there enough hot dogs in the mansion? Let’s hope the ABC intern is prepared. I’m all aboot the Bachelorette!
And now I give you Kyle—Guest Blogger Extortionate: American Idol ROCKER WEEK
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Typical Tuesday night: home from a baseball game, cook me a couple of hot dogs (did I ever mentions I LOVE hot dogs? But that is a whole other story. Seriously. I can write a lot about my love for them.) and sit down to watch Idol on my DVR. I hit play and hear the sultry voice of Seacrest.
{Sidebar – Totally love me some Seacrest. When I started watching the show a few years back I could not stand him—at all. He was annoying to me, but now I love him. He makes the show run. I admit I was dumb not to like him. It’s like when your mom says, “Kyle, you have to try carrots. I know they look bad and smell funny, but I promise you will like them.” I gave him a try and he grew on me.}
{Sidebar from Lincee – This is clearly not true of green beans. They will NEVER grow on you. They will always smell and taste funny. It might be my opinion, but it’s true.}
So I hear Ryan’s voice and see Adam in the bottom three. Is there a more bittersweet scene than that? Because seeing him in the bottom three makes my heart skip a beat and I become flushed. And then I realize that he makes it. So I become mad…real mad. And I have to pause it, compose myself, realize he is not going anywhere and then push play.
I liked how Ryan showed us the broken stage. Was anyone else thinking, “Wait! Is Kris OK? He is OK? Great! Why are we still talking about the broken stage? Bring em out.”
The show starts off with Slash. Yeah, read that again. I said Slash. Yes, yes the Slash that was in Guns N Roses who has never said a word and I do not think I have ever seen his face. I was a bit nervous, but then something magical happened. He talked. He actually TALKED. And you want to know the crazier thing? It was normal. I got real excited at that point. I turned to my roommate and said, “I am actually excited about this show now.” So he did not really add a whole lot of critique for the idolettes, but he also didn’t suck.
I did not agree with the judges at all. I feel they were way off this week. As my cousin said, “I think all the judges dipped into Paula’s pills.”
ADAM
Two things I noticed right when he walked out:
1. When did Cher become a contestant on the show?
2. Do you think Kara spied on Adam this week, found out what he was wearing, than went to the clothes people and said, “Can you give me the girl’s version of what Adam is wearing? Only to be faced with the answer of: “Well, actually ma’am…those are girl clothes.”
I knew Adam would belt it out. This is smack dab in the middle of his wheelhouse. And hear this Lamber-holics…I actually told myself I was going to give him a chance. He starts and that chance is over. I do not get it. I just don’t get it. He is like a mythological Siren who sings and screeches, pulls people towards them and makes their lives a wreck. Yes he can sing, but you know what? So can the lead singer from Nickelback (kind of). It doesn’t mean that they should keep making CDs.
If you still have his performance on your DVR, go back to the start of it, close your eyes and guess who he sounds like. If you said Stevie Nicks, you are correct. And I will tell you this…it is not good for a guy to sound like that. She is incredible and guys should not sound like that. His performance is filled with the usual yelling, making love to the camera and theatrics.
However, I did find something worse for me than Adam singing. Adam singing with no music.
I know that is all hateful, so I will end with this: HE HAS HIS OWN HAIR GUY.
ALISON
She sings some Janis Joplin and I really liked it. I thought it was a lot better than the credit she got. Like I said last week, the problem with her is she peaked with her first performance. She has an incredible voice but she is so young. Man, in a few years with some training and more experience, she is going to be outstanding. She should be on the show no doubt, but I think she needs a little bit of diversity so we can she what she can do. I felt for the others after Adam sang when Simon said that the rest of the performances could not match his. Still don’t understand that, and I promise you I have tried.
DANNY
I know Kris was next, but 10 times out of 10 I am going to save him for last. I am biased, I admit that.
I did not hate Danny’s song. I have always liked his voice. Love the raspyness of it and think he has talent. This was going to be a tough week for him, because this is the opposite of his wheelhouse. But it was okay. As I am watching him, I am waiting for the end when he is supposed to belt out DREAM ON. And I don’t know about you, but it seemed like he was so nervous to hit that note. I kept thinking, “OK! Here it comes!” And then it didn’t. “Wait! He’s going to say DREAM ON one more time. Here it comes!” And then it wasn’t it again. After 45 normal DREAM ON’s, he couldn’t really hit it at the end.
And I can not pass over Kara. Did anyone notice this phrase?
“You shouldn’t have done ‘Dream On.’ You should have done some of Aerosmith’s earlier stuff, like ‘Cryin’ or ‘Crazy.’”
Hold on a second. “Dream On” came almost 20 years before those other two. And me, like any normal, red-blooded guy that grew up in the nineties, knows this. Not really because of the song, but because of one Alicia Silverstone. (I would normally go on a trail here, but I won’t. And I won’t because I do not want to take away from how wrong Kara was. And anyone that knows me I love to point out when people are wrong.)
KRIS
Everyone who knows I love Kris raise your hand. If you are questioning whether I do or not, check the signed picture I got off of iTunes, read the last post, or take a gander at the songs that have been playing the last two months on my iPod. With that being said, I think he is going home. Did I just go against everything I believe? Yes. But I really do feel that the judges are sabotaging him. I loved his performance, and you can probably tell that from how many times I voted for him. All I am going to say is I stopped counting at 75. As hard as it is for me to say that he may be going home, I came to grips with it tonight. I think he is going to have the best career out of the four left…or any of the idols this season. He is so talented and can do so many things. (See “She works hard for the Money”. He made that a cool song that would put John Mayer to shame. Listen to the original by Donna Summer. He makes it so much better.) I do not want him to get stuck in the idol trap (that was Lincee’s phrase) like most of the winners. And if Adam wins I want him to have songs like “My Life Would Suck Without You” and “I Do Not Hook Up.” Then we will all know that he has no talent other than singing.
Well that was a whole lot of talking there. And if you are still reading give yourselves a huge pat on the back and thank you so much. The duets were something different, but kind of weird because you couldn’t really vote on them. I will stop here because I know I have taken WAY too much of your time.
I’m going to go figure out where can I get me some of those pants they had Adam squeezed into at the end of the show.
Gee, I’m the first to comment. Well, Adam was in his element – he has a powerful voice and Alison and he were spectacular singing together. He seems to be on his best or better behavior – trying to look “mainstream” (sort of) for the votes. Just wonder what he would do with an Idol win? Woud his bizarre world surface? That would be scary! But, don’t think he’s going home this week – probably Kris since this wasn’t his strongest performance or genre of music.
You’re right Kyle – I googled and found that “Crazy” came out in ‘93-94 – “Dream On” in ‘73.
But, I do like Kara do your chagrine (?sp) – she’s a nice person, well educated, a solid person and very talented in her own right. She’s aware of others around her – not self absorbed – just a normal person.
Will be interesting to see tonight where Adam ends up in the line up. Will America vote for his performance or for his lifestyle? Do they want his lifestyle on the American Idol throne (at the end of the day).
We’ll see – I’ll be watching and reading the reviews.
I agree with all that you have said but I think sometimes it is helpful to be the person most picked apart by the judges and being in the bottom the previous week when you are actually good.
People like me that haven’t voted all season picked up the phone to call for 30 minutes. I like them all for the most part but I only voted for Kris because I can live with any of the others leaving but I don’t want Kris to go yet. I predict it will be Allison to go. Let’s hope it’s Adam but….it was his week.
Oh and can’t wait for the live blogs next week!!!!! And I have to ask where Kyle falls on Jillian’s hot dog philosophy since he is such a lover of hot dogs.. = )
Can’t wait for Jillian’s season to begin. Anybody heard anything about the outcome yet?
Kyle,
Great Job again. I’m looking forward to the live blog next week.
I’m so glad you mentioned Kara’s mistake, I was shouting at the TV saying she was crazy. The judges were all off last night.
But unfortunately I think Kris is going home or as I like to think of it, “being set free.”
Question – when you cook your hot dogs do you cook them in the microwave, boil them in water (as my mother used to do) or go all out and cook them on the grill? I think grilled is best but I usually take the easy way out and microwave them.
OMG – friggin hilarious! I have forwarded this on to all my office Idols. I am in the “Don’t get Adam at all” camp and have been since day one. I will tell you that I liked Danny from Hollywood and I liked Kris with the song he sang to make it in the final 13. I have also always liked Allison’s voice. I voted for 30 straight minutes – mostly for Danny as I cannot bear for him to go. But, I also spend a good 10 minutes voting for Kris. So, when I was telling my team that Adam was good but what else did you expect – it was Rock week – that is where he lives. I was scared by the eyeliner and makeup of the first song and again, think he cheesed up the duet. I agree he may have saved Allison because she came out of her shell while singing with him – her best performance to date. Kris was not bad but also not good but he is so darn cute and I will buy his album – as I already have all his songs on my Ipod. So, Danny-boy – wow! It was hard for me to watch – it was a big challenge and he screamed the last Dream On. But, he is adorable and he did rock the duet more than Kris. When I heard about the Idol ball incident – I thought – I hope Danny is okay…I am listening to PYT right now and jammin’ (earlier I was shedding a tear to What Hurts the Most)…but keep up the bloggin – I love it!
Thank you all again for the comments, brings a smile to my face. Someday Lincee may let me blog about my love for hot dogs, that is a whole post in itself. But Leslie, really the only way to go is the grill. I don’t think I have ever done microwave, and I don’t think I ever will. It would be like putting ketchup on your Key Lime Pie before eating it, ruining everything. I boil very rarely, but man I love the grill.
“Don’t get Adam at all”?????!!! He is what he is, just flat out amazing. He has such an adorable smile (love the dimples). I dig his makeup too.
Best lines ever:
“When did Cher become a contestant on the show?”
“So can the lead singer of Nickleback (sort of). It doesn’t mean that they should keep making CDs.”
“If you said Stevie Nicks, you are correct.”
I didn’t watch it myself, I decided I did not need any punishment this week.
Kara’s comment was hilarious. Although, she did stand in line at Studio 57 so maybe time went backwards there.
Keep on writing! Pure awesome!!
Ok, first off shout out to Kyle from a fellow Cowboy (well cowgirl, Go Pokes!) and Okie. Your blogs have been great, thanks for doing them. After last week, I was all ready to defend Adam. He is not my favorite, but he is talented and a great performer. Then we have this week and I am done defending him. Weird performance and I just don’t get it. The judges all dipped into Paula’s pills AND drank the Kool-aid. And while I think Allison is good, I don’t think that she should win. I thought she deserved to go home instead of Matt. He was my favorite, just got too nervous while performing. Since he is gone, I hope that either Danny or Kris wins. They are both talented and sooo cute!
Awesome recap. And I am super duper excited for the Bachelorette!
Does anyone else, when hearing “Slow Ride” automatically start thinking in terms of Guitar Hero buttons?
I agree with you Kyle – I don’t get Adam either! Between his making love to the camera eyes, shimmies and gyrations, I just don’t understand how anyone could take him seriously. He truly belongs on Broadway.
of course adam did great. it’s rock week. but adam, bless your heart…you can sing, but you gross me out with the faces you make at the camera. i have to close my eyes so i can judge your voice without being nauseated by the looks…but i’d like to inform kara that someone who doesn’t even know the timeline of such popular aerosmith songs (who doesn’t know that???) should not be the one to judge whether adam would be able to sell a rock album. there’s a reason that screaming rock albums are not mainstream. it’s been done. thankfully we’ve moved on. it’s not gonna sell. she probably would’ve told taylor hicks he could sell an album too…as for kris, i think the judges were smoking the crack rock! my unbiased opinion is that he did great. he sounded like himself. but i’ll be ok if he doesn’t make it this week (chris daughtry went out as #4 and we see how that turned out.) he is extremely talented, will sell cd’s, and doesn’t paint stripes down his legs and call it pants. amen…pass the biscuits.
Kyle I think you’re my brother from another mother! I have been telling people in my office since the beginning I don’t get the “Adam spell” everybody is under! I mute my TV when I sense he is about to start screaming. I too am on team Kris but after the judges comments last night I worry about him.
annie-
Maybe I’m clueless but Adam’s “bizarre lifestyle?” I mean I get that he will be following in Clay Aiken’s footsteps shortly but is there more than that?
heidi-
Yes I did!
Wow. I almost hate to post here since it seems to be such an Adam-bash-fest, but I just want to stand up for him. I think he’s amazing. Amazing voice, amazing style, amazing stage presence. Could he fill an arena for a concert? Absolutely! Could Kris? Definitely not. But I guess we could always look forward to seeing Kris at the local art fest performing for a good-sized crowd of 100 people. I think Danny is ridiculous. Wonder if he would have as many “fans” if we didn’t know his entire life story.
You know who else could fill an arena? Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Brittney Spears…
Kyle…. considering we are approaching the new Bachorlette with Jillian…. just what do you like on your hot dog? Mustard or Ketchup kind of guy?
Jen P, I’m sure you are a lovely person, but you must be smoking crack. Adam looks scary, sings SCARY, and is plain ole scary. He can sing, sure. But I HATE to hear it. HATE IT. Makes my ears bleed.
Kris totally rocks. He is by far the most overall talent on the show this year, most versatile. And guest blogger Kyle, nice work on the recap (and THANK YOU for also picking up on Kara’s dumb Aerosmith comment…. she is digging her own AI grave). Couldn’t agree with you more…..
Except for your view of hot dogs. They make me gag. But you and me, we’re cool.
Kyle:
You are right about Adam, but oh, so very wrong about Seacrest. Bleeeech. I’m just saying.
Adam in the top three….blech I loved last weeks comment of giraffe neck and screaming Adam will do a great job on Broadway. Danny is safe…Yippee As much as I like Danny, He needs to go back to his roots and take Mandesa’s route, she has made a name for herself as a christian artist. If Danny won, he would have to make the choice for his life to sing secular bc that is what the record studio would make him sing. Kris is growing on me…I would be happy with Kris or Danny winning.
Hello my blogging boyfriend…loved the recap, I agree with everything you said (that’s just what love does to you). I happened to run into Ryan Seacrest on Rodeo Drive once and he took a picture with me, he’s exactly 5 feet tall and I love every spray-tanned inch of him.
Tara when do we make it official. I will be sitting at Starbucks with a red rose.
Hot Dog break. I am a ketchup guy. But I have been using head country BBQ sauce lately. Amazingness.
I am ok that I was wrong. I will be wrong everytime if it means Kris is ok. But I still want him to leave early so he can have a better career. Did anyone watch the Paula song or fast are like me. Do you think they asked Brittney spears to perform and she called this morning and said “hears the deal I thought today was thursday and I ned to get my head waxed. I can’t make it.” who else can we get to dance around and not really sing. Enter Paula.
I forgot to mention Karas dubbing Adam Rock God. Really. Can you throw that term around with an Idolette? Can you?
Thanks guys. For reading. I am excited about the live blog.
Kyle, your posts are hysi-TERI-cal!!!! I hope that you become Lincee’s officiall American Idol blogger. I too caught Kara’s blunder re: Dream On vs. Crazy. I was like WHAT????? Anyone can make mistakes, but in any case, she’s beginning to bug. Still, I’d take her any day over Paula “I was never taught how to clap” Abdul… who by the way SUCKED on her (quote) LIVE (unquote) performance.
Ab3, I absolutely agree with you… Matt was my favorite too. I DVR’ed Ellen from a few days ago because he was on it and watched it last night. Stripped down and not nervous about being judged, he was AMAZING. When he was still on American Idol, I was always waiting for a performance like that, and unfortunately his nerves got the best of him so he never delivered it. But he did on Ellen!!!
Annie, when you talk about Adam’s “bizarre world” I imagine that you are talking about the fact that he wears eyeliner, right? Because it is 2009, after all, and I like to think that people have progressed beyond calling homosexuality “bizarre”. Or maybe by bizarre you mean that he used to sing on Christian musicals. That is pretty bizarre!!! Check it out on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvwcJUhIa0U
I’m not an Adam fan (go Gokey!), but if he makes it to the final and then decides to do a stripped down version of an old Elvis classic, he might convince me
Does he remind anyone else (looks- wise) of Elvis? I think it’s the eyes…
He reminds me more of Lisa Marie Presley.
Hahahahaha! You’re funny, Matt!
Didn’t like No Doubt’s performance, like Gwen Stefani, didn’t like the performance. The sound wasn’t very good.
Paula just embarrassed herself. I mean, I do have to give her props that she is like 50 and still able to dance around and be thrown through the air BUT if she wants to dance, she should dance. If she wants to sing, she should sing. Clearly she can’t do both and I HATE it when people lip sync.
I like all three of the boys who are left! Can’t decide on my favorite but I think Danny has fallen to #3 recently. It will be interesting to watch next week!
Natkaps, saw the performance and loved it!!! He was amazing on Ellen and it made me love him even more!!!!
Well, Kyle, I think you have found an outlet where anyone and everyone will be able to enjoy your quick wit and interesting analogies!!!
I will look forward on a daily/weekly basis to see what you have to say (and being your mom, some critiques!!!) So on the AI show…being older, love Chris and Danny. Chris could sell albums and Danny would be great as a ChristianRock singer…..Adam, well, he is someone’s son…but to compare him to Elvis..no way!!! I “lived” Elvis and his eyes were gorgeous and had no resemblance to the devil (maybe a little droopy due to the drugs and alcolhol; but what did we know back then!)
So Tara, how many kids would you like???? I am a very eager “waiting–in-the-wings” grandmother to be!
“So Tara, how many kids would you like???? I am a very eager “waiting–in-the-wings” grandmother to be!”
Classic! Thanks for that Trish.
I had mentally prepared myself for Kris going home last night. And I almsot fell off my couch from shock and joy!
Can I tell you I am so happy for the final 3 – including Adam. Let him win. I wish the finale could be all 3 cuz I really love Kris and Danny’s voices and styles and I would love two full hours of just them…but like Kyle, the Idol curse makes me wish Adam wins!
Lincee – I love you – can’t wait for Bachelorette – I am all ABOOT it too! And, Kyle, FYI – the song sung during the Bachelorette commercial was Kelly Clarkson. I have to disagree with you there – I really like her and her music! She is on my Ipod along with Kris and Danny.
And, let me clarify – I don’t get Adam at all…I think he can sing. I actually liked the song he sang at the piano (but I was downloading music on my ipod and did not WATCH any of the performance). But, he is overly dramatic, overly theatrical – he wears too much makeup, his pants are too tight and I can’t watch his facial expressions without hiding my head behind my pillow! I think he belongs in a Musical on Broadway and they only way I would buy a his music – is if I liked the musical he was in and bought the soundtrack!
Now, Danny – he is wonderful – regardless of his back story. I love him and the way he presents himself. I will always jam to PYT and picture him attempting to dance and just belting in his raspy throat…I will but his music – because I have gospel, R&B, and pop on my Ipod. He falls in that category easily (remember Stand By Me)…but I also love Country and pretty much any slow song – which I think he is great at…hello – WHAT HURTS THE MOST and JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL – those were amazing!
I personally think Kris is the most marketable and sellable artist in the bunch. I think he is original – She works hard for the Money and Remember The Time. He seems the most mainstream and appealling to everyone…everyone. I think he has grown the most. I love when he does ballads. And, he is just adorable, right. Don’t you just want to put him in your pocket and take him home…no, just me! Ok.
I am happy with the results. I only caught the last 15 minutes. I hear I missed an embarrassing (hide behind the couch) Paula performance and a horrid No Doubt performance. I have many idol watchers at work – so I feel lucky I was already dvr’ing 2 shows and watching America’s Next Top Model on another input so I had to miss the show!
Excited for next week’s live blog – Lincee and Kyle together must be even better than just one! Question – if it is live – do we have to be on our computers to see it or will the whole blog show up the next day? Blog-newbie…
Thanks!
Trish,
I would like to nominate my name as a candidate for Kyle and Tara’s first born since it was my website that played match-maker in the first place. Lincee is a unique, fun name. It’s an ice breaker. It’s classically random.
One can only assume that a boy will be named Kris Allen Cordell.
Rightfully so. I can not compete with that.
Kyle? Thoughts?
Kyle… you rock! I thought I was the only one that couldn’t stand Adam – the screetching is enough to drive me insane!!! And Kris Allen has been my favorite from the start… love him. Can’t wait for next week… so I can agree with you some more.
Jen, I like Kelly Clarkson, I was saying that if Adam wins he will go to singing songs written for him with horrible names.
Lincee will do for my first born.
Is there anything more humbling than your mom posting on the blog and saying you were funny. It’s kind of like when I was young and she was the only one that would tell me I was a good looking guy. If mom says it, it must be the truth.
Kyle, of course you’re funny….and you’re a good looking guy.
Signed,
Matt “I swear I’m married (to a woman)” Jensen
Everytime Kara asks a question and then answers it herself, I think “Did they really need another person to hold down a chair, sip some Coke and enjoy the sound of their own voice?” Then I answer, “No, they really didn’t”– then I realize I’ve become the thing I dislike the most.
I really thought I was the only person on the planet who winced when Adam sang. Everyone who watches the show that I work with is completely obsessed with the guy. I’m like What gives people?????
I am a huge Kris Allen supporter.
Thanks for making my day!
Adam isn’t scary!! He is hot and I’m going to try some of his makeup tips!! Just to annoy you guys!! Just Kidding. But I like his makeup. I just don’t understand what everyone hates about Adam. Maybe you hate him because he is better than everyone else
Kris is just ahead of his time!!!
=]
Hi, Fun blog here commenting on pop culture. I enjoy American Idol and the Bachelorette too. I have a fan blog for Jill http://www.jillianharrisfanblog.blogspot.com PS What does “Subscribe in Reader” mean? And how do I subscribe to you your blog.
Email me please.
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