We are down to single digits my reality-loving friends. On Monday, Jillian will put her hot dog theory to the test with 30 Bachelors and America will get a glimpse at who the girl-next-door sees as a potential husband.
I went to the ABC website to further investigate. Below are a few initial thoughts aboot these jokers:
This is Greg. What? There’s something familiar aboot him? I get that too. What could it be? I can’t quite put my finger on it…
Oh right! He looks just like Mr. Jason Chach himself. I’m hoping that 1.) Hare calls this out in his “post-limo” pep talk with Jillian and 2.) she sends him home because she can’t be in the same room as someone who reminds her of Melba Toast and 3.) the ABC intern and Hare high-five each other for an awesome GOTCHA moment and then share a swig of Jack Daniels from Hare’s boot flask.
This is Michael. He’s making that “mature” face because he doesn’t want you to look at his bio and discover that he is only 16-years-old.
This is Wes. He’s a musician from Austin. Yeah. That’s how we grow ‘em here in Texas. Remember Hotter than Crap Brad? He was from Texas too. They are literally EVERYWHERE! Why am I still single again…?
Dear Mathue’s Mom,
Really? Really Mathue’s Mom? You named your kid Matthew and decided to spell it Mathue? I’d like to sit down with him and listen to the stories he has about growing up. I’m sure he has issues from never getting a pencil or key chain with his name on it. And don’t get me started on the license plate for his bike that you can send away with 12 proofs of purchase from the Honey Combs box. Those are scars that don’t just go away by taking a paint pen and stenciling it yourself.
Best wishes,
Lincee
Weird Named Children of the 80’s Inc – President
This is just another picture to show you that I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that Texas boys are cute with a capital Q!
This is Kiptyn. Yep. That’s his name. His Mom is BFF with Mathue’s Mom. Only Kiptyn’s Mom wasn’t trying to be trendy. She is a fan of the Superman comic series. Therefore, I shall call him by his full name, Kryptonite, in all my recaps.
Well, well, well! What do we have here?
Meet Elliott. He’s a cavalry scout in the U.S. Army. His rank is “Sergeant” and he is in a Stryker Brigade Combat Team assigned to Personal Security Detachment as a team leader and designated marksman.
He also happens to be my cousin. I truly believe it was because of me that he passed Spanish in high school and went on to become fluent in the language. (I can’t take any credit for his Arabic skills though.)
E has generously agreed to let me pimp him out to my IHGB friends. We are looking forward to him coming home (another Texas boy!) in the fall and it is my wish that he has a few dates lined up upon his return.
When I ran the idea by Elliott via email, he was nice enough to answer a list of random questions. I’ll reveal a few basic ones here now:
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Brown
Best feature: Calves
If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Of course!
Favorite smell: Dinner
What do you do in your spare time? I am a big reader. Mostly history, ecomonics and military topics. Counterinsurgency warefare concerns all three, so beind educated is part of being a good soldier these days. I am also an outdoors guy. I like fly fishing, hiking and am a workout fanatic.
So grab your single friends, you single daughter, your single sister and that co-worker who needs a good adventure and direct them HERE. The category will remain BIG PIMPIN’ and I will reveal a few more details about this guy who is truly amazing in many ways.
It’s important to try new website pimping ideas on family members first. But if this works out, we’ll pimp out webMAN and guest blogger Kyle too. FUN!