There are moments in my life when something happens and I smile on the inside, knowing that it’s going to be great blogging material. There are other instances in which I feel so silly at what just unfolded and I am glad no one was there to witness what I just did.
Since I’ve made this big announcement that I will be blogging EVERY SINGLE DAY IN NOVEMBER (what was I thinking) I am coming up a little short in the creative department this morning. And the only thing that keeps popping into my head is what happened last week.
And it’s one of those “don’t tell anyone” categories.
It was mildly humorous. And since this website is all about entertaining the masses, I decided that I needed to suck it up, write it down and suffer the consequences of finger pointing and eye rolling.
Speaking of eye rolling…
For about two weeks, I’ve felt a sense of dizziness while driving to work. I’m fine driving home, but driving to work was miserable. My eyes would not focus. I would rub them. Blink them. Check for weird foreign objects in them. Then I wondered if my polarized sunglasses were adjusting to the recent time change and the sun being in a different position as I made my way down Highway 59.
Hey. That’s not random. I actually thought it. I was hoping for anything but “you-just-turned-34-and-are-getting-old-so-get-over-yourself-and-get-some-glasses-already.”
The morning of the second week, I became really concerned. I pulled in to my parking garage at work, took off my sunglasses and immediately felt better. I was convinced that they had melted in the sun and somehow warped, causing me to not be able to focus properly.
I flung them across the seat where they landed on a white piece of paper.
And that’s when I noticed that a lens was missing from the left eye socket.
Feeling pretty stupid? Of course. Excited that I’m not going blind? You betcha.
It’s sort of like the times when I attempt to use my key-less car entry to get in the door of work. I will sit there for a good 10 seconds clicking the button at the door knob, wondering why it won’t open. Sadly, I’ve done that on more than one occasion.
I blame it on the headaches I’ve developed in the morning from trying to focus in my left socketless sunglasses.
Please tell me you know what I’m talking about. This happens all the time, right? RIGHT?
I totally know what you mean. I’m forever trying to use the key to the bathroom at work to unlock the main door and LEAVE the office at night. Ummm…exactly. Just turn the door handle. No need to unlock a door from which you are exiting the building.
Oh…I’ve done it.
I previously worked in a very secure location…that required you to badge in and out of the building and every single door within.
I tried to badge in and out of my apartment…a lot.
It’s like when you pick up the phone at home with your business greeting…yep – done that more than a couple of times!
I was driving to work this morning and it took me a while to realize I had forgotten my glasses – was already late, so I’m using the Target Dollar Spot readers – can barely see!
Laughed. Out. Loud. Hilarious, but don’t worry everyone has those moments!
You know how at Target there is one door this is an automatic door and opens by itself when you walk up and then for some reason there is the other door, right beside it, that is not automatic. Apparently for those people that need the little extra arm exercise that is required to open the door manually. I can’t tell you how many times I have stood in front of the maually operated door, waiting for it to open automatically. Just standing there looking at the door, waiting. People are walking past me, staring. Not good.
Oh Lincee…you crack me up. If it makes you feel any better I was looking frantically for my car keys for about 10 minutes yesterday morning. My teenage son informed me with a snicker that they were in my left hand. Doh. …Your eyesight won’t start to go until 40. I swear to you. I woke up on my 40th birthday and I just couldn’t see as well. Ever again….Somedays that’s a good thing ” )
Thanks for the chuckle this morning and every time I read your stuff. You are too much. This post was by far my favorite! I’m 54 so I don’t feel so bad now about all the stupid stuff I do and blame it on age! Thanks for the laughs and keep um coming!
Haha! That is funny! Reminds me of the times I start to put the milk in the panty and peanut butter in the fridge! ;-p
::: can’t reply since I’m laughing too hard to see my monitor… must put on socketless glasses:::
Here’s my confession. The hubby, and I had to buy some new fluorescent lights for the kitchen. We were out running errands, and this purchase was just one of the stops. We bought them during the summer, and have no air conditioning in our car and it was already pretty hot. As we parked the car, I turned to my husband and said, “Are the lights going to be okay in the car? It’s really hot today.” The look on my husband’s face was priceless, and I immediately knew just how dumb that question was. Apparently there is such a thing as a dumb question. He still gives me grief about that every now, and then.
Oh.My.Awesomeness.
Like Davita, I too, (attempt to) badge in and out of my house…. a lot. And, at least once a week, I panic because I’ve ‘lost’ my sunglasses, only to find them resting comfortably on my head.
how about searching frantically for twenty minutes for the cell phone i am talking on?!!!!
That’s totally happened to me!! Except, I was driving in the car with my boss and when I put on the sunglasses, he just sat there looking at me oddly as I tried to figure out what the heck happened to my vision. I finally caught a glimpse of myself in the rear-view mirror and noticed the missing lens and started laughing. My boss just had his hand out to fix them for me and was just waiting for me to realize I’d been driving with only a half of my sunglasses. So embarrassing!
E7 – that’s funny.
Totally happened to my mom a week ago. I thought it was totally insane that she would not notice that one of the lenses was missing, but apparently it’s a lot more common than I thought.
My confession: I LOVE Uggs! I know most people think they are ugly, and they can be, but they are so comfortable. For years I have wanted a pair of the Ugg slippers so I finally broke down recently and bought some. The thing about them is that they have harder soles, like shoes, but they feel like slippers. So one morning I was walking around the house in them and didn’t realize that I forgot to put real shoes on until halfway through my day at work. Woops!
I’ve stopped at stop signs, waiting for the light to change (they don’t). I’ve freaked out when my keyless entry remote wouldn’t work – how else would I get into my car?? (the key..) When the power was out, I asked my roommates whether or not I’d be able to flush (they responded by asking me where the plug to the toilet was).
So, while I found your story amusing, I certainly did not roll my eyes or pass judgement!
Oh, and E7? Done that one also… waaaay too many times!!
Oh my gosh, my co-worker just asked me if I was ok. My face was red and I was crying so hard… This was so funny! However, I was waiting for my ride to work at the park n ride, thought I had left my phone at home, drove back, searched for ever and decided to leave it where ever it was. My ride called me on my cell phone….it was in the car the whole time. I felt dumb.
OMG – LMAO!!!! HILARIOUS!!!
I just remembered something reading everyone’s comments – those are hilarious to by the way. When I worked at McDonald’s and had to answer the phone, I would do the same at home for a good while after I started and would immediately get laughter on the other end. Actually, I think I did this after every job I started. I’d answer at home whatever the new place I was working. Good times!
Oh (sorry for the triple post) apparenlty memory goes with age too. I use my cell phone as my alarm, and I’ve turned it off on occasion going, who is calling me THIS early in the morning! Stop calling me!
Lorraine, your story really made me laugh out loud and that doesn’t happen often! Thanks for sharing!!
Wow. That’s almost as bad as talking on the phone to a friend while getting ready to head out for the evening.. and RANTING about how you CANNOT find your flipping cell phone! Wow. Yep. Done it on numerous occasions.
Or better yet… Getting back from a day trip for work and realizing you can’t find your keys in your purse anywhere. Then getting to your car in the airport parking lot only to find it RUNNING. For approximately 10 hours. Sweet. Gas is cheap.
All in all – no judgement here.
I am going to have to call out my former truck commander, SGT Seth Jensen. Our last 6 weeks of my 2006-2007 tour doing convoy security was mostly run out of Camp Navistar – a mere 1000 meters from the Kuwait/Iraq border. Camp Navistar got closed down 6 weeks before we completed our tour of duty, so we had to move to a base nearly an hour into the heart of Kuwait and drive north to start our security missions in Iraq.
Since you don’t need body armor in Kuwait, we usually just drove north, met the truck drivers we were assigned to protect, do a quick briefing, and off we go on a mission that could last up to a week.
SGT Jensen discovered his missing body armor (still in his tent) mere minutes before the mission started. Instead of calling off the mission and going after his vest, he just jumped in the Humvee and went 5 days without wearing body armor!
He also had the honor of never being hit by a single roadside bomb until his very last mission. He had his armor on for that one, thank God.
Here’s to you, Seth! Love ya!
correction – camp navistar was the base we ran from for 10.5 months, then the move to the southern base. writing faster than i should, as always.
This happened to me several years ago and I’m still embarrassed! I had been on vacation, lots of airports, security, etc. Came home and went to Blockbuster to rent a movie. After I paid, I had to walk thru Blockbuster’s version of a “security gate”. I handed my purse to the teenager working behind the counter, who looked at me like I had lost my mind! And I had! Guess I thought he was going to xray it!
I am so “old” and “blind” that if I were missing a lens I would just go in circles! At my last job I had a speaker phone sitting next to my adding machine…can’t tell you how many times I “dialed” a number on that adding machne! Duh….
I work for a vet and we have different labels to put on bottles of medicine–”for use in left/right eye only”, “shake well:. etc. We also have some that say “keep refrigerated”. I can’t believe I did this but one day, for whatever reason, I looked at these labels and asked a coworker, “why aren’t these in the refrigerator?”. They still make fun of me to this day, deservedly so.
I have been reading your blog for a little less than a year now, but this is my first time posting. You crack me up! I look forward to checking your blog every morning, and I am loving November knowing that I will have a new post to read every day! And I just have to share my “I am such an idiot” moment:
While in college, my then boyfriend (now husband) locked his keys in his car. He asked me to go inside and get a wire hanger from my dorm room for him to stick down inside his door panel, and I obliged. After a few minutes, he succeeded and unlocked the door. Trying to be helpful, I commented, “You know, you should keep a hanger in your backseat just in case this happens again.” He looked at me like I was a moron. I had no idea why. Finally, it dawned on me when he said, “So I can open the backdoor, retreive the hanger, and use it to unlock the front door?”
That is still one of his favorite stories to tell people. But it’s okay, I have plenty more on him!
That is soooo funny sugars. I can just imagine the look on the kids face.
Several years ago we were ordering pizza (we order pizza A LOT). My son was about 4 and he really liked the cinnamon sticks from the pizza place. Being 4 years old and having his own names for things he called it “toast” like cinnamon toast. Whenever he found out we were getting pizza he would always say, be sure and get some “toast”. I usually ordered the pizza but this time my husband was ordering and he placed the order: “We need a large pepperoni pizza, a side of ranch and an order of toast”. The guy on the phone paused for a minute and said “Toast? This isn’t IHOP man”. I still give my husband a hard time about that one.
Leslie, I actually lol’d at that one. I just asked my co-worker if she could think of any “ditzy” moments that I’ve had and she says, “You’re really not that ditzy, you just end up hurting yourself when you’re trying to be funny.” Totally true. A few months ago, I was walking through a parking lot with a few friends and my bff says, “What’s a triple lutz?” and I say, “It’s THIS!”, while launching myself into my version of a triple lutz… totally forgot that A) I was in a parking lot, B) I did not have skates on, C) I am NOT graceful, and D) I’d broken my wrist a year before by doing basically the same thing, but on ice and with skates. Needless to say, this did not end well. I was face down, bleeding profusely from my knee and elbow, and get this- my nipple!!! My friends managed to snap pictures during the whole ordeal. Jeez louise!!!
Oh man you guys ROCK!!! I’m in tears this morning! SC – I’m crying from that! One day you’ll land that perfect triple lutz!!!
I remembered another what the moment I had. We have the lovely Shedd Aquarium here in Chicago. Well some number of years ago, I went with a couple friends (hadn’t been there in years, may since grammar school sadly), and we were checking out the fish. Well there was this really cool looking fish (almost looked like it had a mohawk if you will), and I was in a section by myself checking them out, and I shouted over to my friends “Hey guys, come look at this fish with the fins on the back”! To which they replied…um…they all have fins. LOL
Also, as we were leaving said place, there was a plane flying above, and I for some reason in the cold of winter Chicago got on my knees and said, the plane boss, the plane! That’s right, in care of Fantasy Island! lol
Oh, yes. I recently rolled my finger up into the power window while trying to throw out a used piece of gum out the car while driving down the road. Once – you can say “whoops, fumble fingers”. Twice – less than 2 seconds apart – complete shame. I thought I broke my finger, but seems to just have a bit of temporary nerve damage. That’s karma for littering.
Sagg, you live in Chicago? I was there last month (got to see the Pirate exhibit at the Field Museum!!! and ate at Lou Malnoti’s, yum!) and I’ll be there next week- Thanksgiving with the bf’s family. Funny to know you’ll be in the same town! (most of you guys live in TX and I’m in FL. Otherwise, we’d FOR REAL be throwing Bachelor(ette) parties.)
Y’all are cracking me up!!! How about this one. . I actually asked my friend one time, “Where is the Indianapolis 500?” Uh yeah . and as soon as I asked the question, I rolled my eyes at myself!!! Wow. . really???
SC, yes I do – born and raised! You are great for trekking to the cold from FL for Thanksgiving..but at least it’s for FOOD! lol Sorry…I like me some Thanksgiving dinner!!! Yams….YUMMMYYYY!!! If you ever venture to the southside/south burbs of Chicago (Beggars Pizza is great as well).
Oh man our parties would be awesome if we all could get together!
Dress warm – there’s no fall weather here this year! lol
Where’s Indy 500? – LMAO! See Lincee…your greenbeaners got your back!
12 years ago in college (so, can’t blame this on age), my roommate Alicia and I both realized we were OUT of clothes. No underwear, nothin for the next day. So, we decide we’ll run downstairs in our dorm and do ONE load, just enough to get by. BUT, we can’t find any quarters. We’re searching and searching our room, and we come up with 3. We need 6 to do wash and dry. Ask around our floor, nobody willing to spare their coveted laundry quarters. Alicia says “I bet I have some in my truck,” then runs down the hall to the stairwell. (By this time, we are DETERMINED to find some.) In about 10 seconds she comes SPRINTING back SO EXCITED. “I HAVE THREE QUARTERS IN MY POCKET!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! AWESOME!!” We both are ridiculously ecstatic about the magical find of the 3 more quarters we needed!!! UNBELIEVEABLE!!! Then, she starts cracking up and tells me, “Wait, these are the original 3!” We still bring ourselves to tears reliving this story. Can’t remember if we actually did any laundry that night, though. Oh, the college years!
I’m going to share this … and will start by saying how thankful I am that Austin-ite is not my given name.
I work for a Fortune 50 company in one of our buildings that has thousands of people in it – we’ve got about 20,000 people in Austin alone. I’ve been there for quite years and have come to know many people across all campuses and adore almost everyone I’ve ever worked with.
One day I left my desk on the fourth floor, stopped in the bathroom, and then made my way to the elevator, down to the first floor and was on my way down a very long hall to the cafeteria. I guess there were some large meetings going on in our building and it was like old home day as I walked down the hall. It was packed with people, I recoginized some of our top execs, saw former co-workers and friends as they were all coming out for a quick lunch break. I couldn’t believe how many people I saw from other locations that I had not seen in forever. Everyone I passed was someone else saying ‘hi, austin-ite’.
I stopped to speak to a few people about a project we were working on when a woman came up from behind, patted me on the shoulder – and NOT using her quiet voice – said, ‘excuse me, but you have something sticking out of your skirt and I think it is toilet paper”.
And it was.
Austin-ite, pardon me.
Hahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahahahaha!
I totally would have stopped you before you were a hot mess.
oh Austin-ite- been there, done that — TWICE — once when my skirt was tucked in my pantyhose (years ago) and once recently — toilet protectors — eGADS!!!
All of your admissions are a great source of comfort for me! Surely I’m not the only one who has dialed her cell phone from home phone (to get messages) & then run frantically around the house trying to locate & answer my cell phone! Find it & actually wonder who is calling me from home! Only for a second, though…….
I can’t stop laughing… LINCEE you are priceless and I was going to just type that… but OMG your readers are magnificent too!!! Thank you ALL for the laughs!!!
) Excellent excellent stuff.
Lincee, you are in judgment-free land – share those embarrassing moments ANY time!
)
I’m a little late to the party here, but Lincee, you are hilarious. Your Bachelor recaps are the best. I was catching up on your blog the other day and reading your sunglasses story to the girls at work and we were killing ourselves laughing. Everyone else’s stories are so funny, I have done most of those things too, so can relate! Here’s another story, from last night. I have recording headphones that you can plug into a digital piano and I usually practice with the headphones on so no one else can hear me practicing piano (especially if I am learning a new song). I turn up the volume and practice away. So last night, I was practicing piano with the headphones on and I noticed that the sound was a little muffled through the headphones, but I thought, ok, whatever. I turned up the piano and continued practicing. Then my husband comes down to the basement, where I was practicing, wondering why the piano was so loud…a little too loud. I gave him a look like why are you disturbing me (hahaa) and he reached down and lifted up the headphones cord from the floor…………NOT plugged into the piano! No wonder the sound was so loud yet muffled!! LOL We had a good laugh about that one!
lalalalalalaa
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