Jake may cry like a little girl when mentally and physically preparing to fling himself off of a bridge, but when it comes to matters of the heart, he’s a man. BE GONE PHYCHOS AND TEASES! The Bachelor: On Wings of Love is not here to mess around. He’s here to find his best friend and wife. You got a problem with that? There’s the door. Or a green cab. Take your pick. I don’t care how pretty your eyes are in the firelight. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Jake is going rouge.
And I love it!
Before watching the show last night, I asked my DVR to play yesterday’s Ellen because Jake was a guest. Jake eluded to the fact that he doesn’t choose anyone at the end. Because he’s a MAN. Just like Hotter than Crap Brad. Ellen suggests that ABC keep a camera on Michelle the Psycho the entire time. Jake responds that they DO keep a camera on her! Oh my awesomeness! Ellen also calls Elizabeth out as a manipulator and that Jake should stay away. He gives a sly grin (we now know why) and then Ellen deems Ali the winner.
I bet Ellen would love to take that back after watching last night’s episode. Who died and made Ali leader of the Plastics at the Bachelorette Mansion? What? Is she going to make everyone wear pink on Tuesdays and insist that The Girl You Can’t Remember Named Corrie switch with Gretchen Wieners because the tallest go in the middle during their sexy rendition of Jingle Bell Rock? The drama is infectious.
And I love it!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover Christmas candy or have a Bikram Yoga instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
Our Host Chris Harrison starts the morning off by reminding the Bachelorettes that what went down with Roz the night before is a thing of the past. Jake feels it is important for everyone to move on as if nothing inappropriate with a staffer ever happened. He did, however, forget to mention that Jake grew a pair over night and that the girls should be prepared. But whatever.
One-On-One Date One
Let’s Go Head over Heels Together
Vienna
Vienna cries when Gia reads her name as the first one-on-one date card winner. She becomes so emotional that she begins to ramble on about how she wants Jake to see the super fun girl that the Bachelorettes all know and love. She skips upstairs to pick out the perfect head over heels outfit and to pack.
Michelle: “I think of myself as a very, VERY attractive woman. And Vienna…she’s totally opposite of who I am as far as what I see on the outside.”
Michelle’s total un-attachment to reality is fascinating to me.
Ali admits that she feels betrayed and that it’s weird to see him on another date. She decides to write about it in her burn book.
Jake arrives on his hog and Vienna climbs aboard. The other girls wave from the front door, all wearing string bikinis.
Jake: “Vienna appears to be the life of the party. She acts as if she’s still in college. I sort of like that fun side of her, but I like how she’s blunt and honest too. She is a little out of my comfort zone, but that’s what this adventure is all about. What if my wife is out of my comfort zone? I’m going to have to journey there to find her. And Vienna just might be it.”
Jake and Vienna sit together on a rock. Jake is looking like he’d rather be ANYWHERE ELSE than on that rock with Vienna. She is oblivious to his body language and insists on wrapping her hands around his arm and inner thigh. Jake tries to make small talk by asking if she has ever done anything wild and crazy before.
Vienna: “I went zip lining when I was with my family in Jamaica. It was my graduation present. No wait. It was my honeymoon. It was totally awesome.”
Jake gives her a weak smile and then looks up to see a helicopter landing in his front yard. Vienna says she is scared of helicopters and Jake does everything he can, within reason, to comfort her. He decides to hold her hand. She hangs on for dear life, flinging a leg over his leg…mere inches away from practically sitting in his lap. Jake looks like he might hurl.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, we get a glimpse of Michelle’s stripper tat. NICE. The girls are soaking up the rays talking trash about Vienna. Ali tells Tenley to stop trying to make “fetch” happen. It’s never going to happen.
Back in the middle of nowhere, the chopper lands on a big white “X” that has been painted on a bridge. Vienna looks down and begins to get gangster on Jake.
Vienna: “Oh no you didn’t! I am NOT going to bungee jump off a bridge. You are BLEEPING nuts. Excuse me driver. Turn this mother around and take me back because I refuse to do this.”
Jake admits that he is about to squirt his pants too because he is deathly afraid of heights. He has almost hurled his morning protein shake twice because he knew this moment was coming.
The duo are harnessed up by the bungee jumping team. Both have turned a sick mixture of green and paste as they convince each other to not look down in the ravine. Just keep looking up. It’s the wings of love way. Then they huddle together and pray. The bungee team is like, “Dude. You are a freaking pilot. Are you for real here?” Jake explains that he likes to be enclosed. The bungee guys run out for some taquitos because this process takes way longer than it should have. But they are getting paid by the hour so no one is complaining.
Jake: “Vienna is perfect for this date. She hates heights. I hate heights. We can overcome our fears together. Let’s face it. I know I have abs of steel, but I can’t be strong 100 percent of the time. I want to rely on my friend who turns into my wife. Wow. This is really high. Does anyone have a paper bag? I feel dizzy. Does anyone else feel dizzy?”
Vienna, who started out faking her fear of heights, has now decided that this is her opportunity to take control and show Jake that he can depend on her…no matter what.
Vienna: “Calm down Jakey. Listen to my voice. We can do this. We are going to do this. Together, we can last forever. It’s just you and me. I’m here for you. You can count on me. I’m the only one. I’ll stand by you. I’ll stand by you. Won’t let nobody, including a bungee cord, hurt you. I’ll stand by you. Now let’s fly. The wings of love way. 3-2-1…”
And they fling off the bridge. Vienna screams a high pitched scream. We later learn that it was Jake’s voice, but that is neither here nor there. Then Jake throws up in her hair.
Just kidding. But how awesome would that have been?
As they bounced up and down and up and down, Jake decides to kiss Vienna for the first time. Then he throws up in her mouth.
Just kidding. But how awesome would that have been?
Instead, it resembled something like this…without the mask.
Although, I personally prefer this one:
Jake: “It was high. I was panicking. I was terrified. And I kissed her. We overcame our fears as a couple. I’m quite confident that we could get through anything together if we could get through that moment. She rose to the occasion. We fell and we made it work.”
Vienna: “Actually, we jumped and we were awesome.”
Jake thinks that the jump brought them closer. They experienced a life threatening moment together. And they came out the other side stronger and wiser. Plus, he is super stoked to know that she has a nurturing side. He wouldn’t have taken that leap with anyone else.
Then for the next 30 minutes of their date, they talk about exactly what I wrote above. He kept bringing up her fearlessness. He kept bringing up her nurturing side. She kept telling him how awesome he is. I kept wondering why he had on flip flops. He kept talking about his best friend. She kept talking about how they shared a wonderful moment. I kept fast forwarding to double check that Jake had on black underwear that was peeking from his jeans. The jeans he wore with flip flops. They kept agreeing how there are no words to describe perfect love.
But there are words to describe Vienna’s bikini. Chartreuse and random butt ruffle come to mind. They hang out for 10 minutes in the hot tub talking about how they brushed death that day whilst feeding on strawberries and what appear to be cherry tomatoes. Jake “forgets” something and goes back inside. He comes back out with the rose.
Jake: “Your honesty and willingness to live even when the odds are stacked against you is refreshing. I had stern questions tonight and you had great answers. I’m glad you are here. Literally. Because we could have died today. And since we didn’t, will you accept this rose?”
Vienna giggles and gives Jake a peck. Then they decide to take this action to the pool. For some reason, Vienna chooses a graceful belly flop entrance, dog paddles over to Jake and proceeds to stick her tongue down his throat.
Vienna: “He’s amazing. He is my Prince Charming. He’s the real thing. I had the best time of my life…so far…today. But the best day will be when I marry him. I’m not on cloud nine anymore. I’m on cloud Jake!”
Remember to wear a condom.
Jake: “In case I haven’t told you, I’m here to find my best friend. And then marry her. Vienna and I almost died today. We have an emotional bond that can’t be broken. She continues to surprise me.”
Speaking of surprises, the girls were all WHAT THE WHAT when Vienna walked back in the mansion with a rose. Most have a serious problem with this revelation and are trying to keep their eye twitching, back stabbing and secret voodoo techniques under control as Vienna gives a moment-by-moment replay of her near death experience with Jake. I thought the mansion was going to implode at one point. For real.
GROUP DATE
The Girl You Can’t Remember Named Corrie, Elizabeth, Ali, Tenley, Ashleigh, Jessie, Kathryn and Michelle
Love is No Laughing Matter…Or Is It?
Guess what? Michelle has a problem with this situation. She really, really, really wants a one-one-one time. She’s decided instead of being her normal, brooding self, she is going to try and have fun and not take herself too seriously. Just like every person in her immediate circle of friends told her during that intervention they held a few days before she headed out to LA to be on the show.
Michelle is first to spot Jake. She takes off like a bullet and hurls herself onto his body with all of her 97-pound might. She closes her eyes and begins breathing in deeply. She wants to channel his essence.
Jake leads the ladies to a Comedy Club hosted by Jon Lovitz. Elizabeth and Jake have to explain to all the girls that Jon was on Saturday Night Live when it was funny.
Elizabeth: “You know Dana Carey, right?”
Girls give a blank stare.
Jake: “C’mon. Phil Hartman?”
Girls look puzzled.
Elizabeth: “Chris Farley?”
Girls shake their heads in confusion.
Jake: “Mike Meyers. You all know Mike Meyers.”
Tenley: “Was he on The Hills that one time?”
Jake: “He’s the voice of Shrek.”
Girls: “OH! He’s so cool!”
Jake: “And he’s Austin Powers!”
Girls give a blank stare.
Elizabeth to Jake: “Groovy baby! Do I make you horny?”
Jake looks confused, rolls his eyes and then introduced Jon to the group.
Back at the mansion, the final one-on-one date card arrives. Vienna asks for a drum roll. Valishia is the only one that obliges. She reads Ella’s name and Ella gives herself spirit sprinkles.
Vienna: “OMG Ella. You are going to have such an amazing time. He is an amazing man. A one-on-one date with him is so special. All of the attention is on YOU and YOU get to kiss him and hold him and touch him and belly flop in the pool. It’s awesome.”
Gia: “Quit stealing Ella’s moment. Everyone is tired of hearing about your date, okay? I AM YOUR ONLY FRIEND AND YOU ARE LOSING ME.”
Ashleigh is also about to lose something…her lunch. She has just learned that the girls will be performing stand-up comedy in front of a live audience.
Ash: “I have a great poker face and a necklace made from broken glass. I scream confidence! Now I’m the nervous girl who can’t be funny. And I’ve cried my makeup off and developed a snotty nose that makes me sound nasally. This blows.”
Ali: “Why did Tigger look in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.”
Michelle: “I can’t stand Tigger. Or any of the animals from the Hundred Acre Woods. And don’t get me started on Christopher Robin. Ali is a child.”
Tenley folds herself into a human pretzel. And every dude in the audience looks up at Jake, gives him a knowing head nod and buys him a beer.
Michelle: “I can’t believe she would go to such lengths to show Jake how flexible she is. Hey. Newsflash. I’m bendy too. Tenley is a skank.”
Elizabeth: “I traveled all around the country looking for love. I thought I found it in Utah. The guy had a long BLEEP. It was exhausting because I have two BLEEPS.”
Michelle: “She is filth. Jake should not be around such filth. Elizabeth is a dirty whore.”
Kathryn asks Jake to come down on stage with her. She asks him to get closer, and closer, and closer and then she kisses him.
Kathryn: “Sorry everyone. I don’t have a joke. I just wanted to see how those lips taste.”
That sound you heard was Michelle laughing hysterically from the balcony.
Michelle: “How pathetic! When I kiss Jake, it’s going to be long and passionate, soft, crazy tongue in your mouth going crazy with pulling hair and ripping the clothes off. I have something up my sleeves to blow them out of the water. Kathryn is a fool.”
Michelle then tells a “joke” about how the palm trees don’t have coconuts and then she points to her boobs. Jake gives a questionable look. Then she talks about golf and how she happens to be on the green and that she waiting for a hole to get one-on-one time.
I’m assuming this is a sexual innuendo.
The Girl You Can’t Remember Named Corrie decides to take one for the team. She impersonates all the girls in the house. She mocks Tenley for being obsessed with working out. (Hey…Ariel’s costume shows the mid-drift area. We can’t have The Little Mermaid sporting any spare tires. Back off TGYCRN Corrie.) We learn that apparently Kathryn curses like a sailor. There was a moment when she wielded a rather large butcher knife and Psycho music played. Not sure who that could be.
And then she goes off for the majority of her time on Vienna. Boobs, blond hair extensions, more boobs, talking crap and a moment of toplessness it seems.
Jake: “I noticed that all the girls were laughing uncontrollably when that girl was doing her Vienna impression. Michelle even stood up and applauded. I think they see a side of her that I don’t. That worries me a bit.”
Ashleigh bats last and tells a string of moderately funny blond jokes. She is visibly relieved that the night is over. She is also visibly sloshed. Good times.
Jake takes the girls to a rooftop wrap party. My! This looks familiar! It has all the makings of a super fun time with champagne and fondue and little pieces of angel food cake to dip in chocolate. But Jake decides to take it to a serious level because there are several things bugging him.
1. Why does everyone hate Vienna?
2. How can Elizabeth be so old fashioned and not want to kiss, yet tells a group of strangers that a fella she met in Utah had a big BLEEP?
3. Why is it when I turn and make eye contact with Michelle, she licks her lips?
He begins with Tenley.
Tenley: “I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant. Just kidding. I was married. He left me for another woman. They had an affair. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with. I believe in marriage. I am meant to be loved and have so much to give. My story only makes me better. I would kiss you but I don’t want to get lipstick all over you. Oh we’re kissing? Okay. I’ll stop talking and enjoy this. It’s the second time I’ve kissed a man since the cheater. Stop talking? Okay. You smell good.”
Then moves to Ashleigh.
Ashleigh: “I hate that you wasted a rose on Vienna. If that is what you like, you will not like me. The girls were upset, myself included, if that is what you are looking for, I’m not the girl for you.”
Jake is surprised that so many girls hate Vienna. And he’s sad that she’s not there to defend herself.
It’s okay Jake. She’s defending herself plenty right now with Gia.
Gia: “NO ONE WANTS DRAMA VIENNA! (Did you get my good side when I said that? Should I inflect a little more on her name?)
Vienna: “What drama?”
Valishia: “When you aren’t around, we have a great time.”
Valishia with the claws coming out. SHE SPEAKS!
Vienna: “You don’t know what Jake wants. YOU DON’T. All of you are fake as can be. FAKE! You’re nothing but hard, cold PLASTIC!”
So she goes up to talk to the ABC psychotherapist in her bedroom. The ABC psychotherapist encourages her to process through the emotions by writing Jake a letter. Vienna borrows a bright yellow legal pad from the ABC legal team (who are on-call 24-hours now) and pens a letter to Jake. After pausing at precisely the right moment, my friend the DVR allowed me to pick up on these precious words:
“If you are reading this letter, then I am gone.” I also can confirm there were two “whatevers” and a frowny face emoticon. She musters up some tears and leans over her paper so they can drop down. Then she circles them and says, “These are the same tears that pulled your through the darkness to the light. Remember always.”
Back at the rooftop wrap party from hell, Jake meets with Ali.
Ali: “Thank you so much for saying that our date was amazing and the best one you’ve had. Because if I didn’t know better, I’d say your near death experience with Vienna was the best you’ve experienced while on this journey. Speaking of, when she came in with a rose, I almost cried. She is fundamentally different from me. I mean, it’s like she’s in love with me or something. I think she might be a lesbian. And she totally thinks she’s getting Spring Fling Queen. Whatever.”
Jake: “I’m so confused. Everyone hates Vienna. Everyone is crying. Everyone is telling me deep dark secrets. It’s hard dating so many women when these pesky feelings get in the way. I’m trying to make them all happy. It’s just going to get harder I fear.”
Triumphant in her tossing of Vienna under the bus, Ali goes back to the fondue table to propose a toast. Or so we think…
Ali: “We all know that Vienna isn’t right for Jake. It’s time for her to be voted off the island. Thank you to that girl for making fun of her at the comedy club and showing Jake Vienna’s true colors. Random Girl, you did Jake such justice tonight. I salute you and would like to make you an offer to be my number two. Cheers everyone.”
But what’s this? Michelle is not cheering. Let’s face it…she’s not the cheering type, but still. Regina George does not intimidate Michelle.
Ali: “Michelle…are you in? It’s a pact. Clink your BLEEPING glass.”
Michelle: “I’m here to find love and get married. I’m ready to give my Mom a grandbaby. Everyone in my family says that it is my turn. Not that I’m desperate, but I’ll be there in the end for sure. I want one-on-one time.”
Ali: “You need to bow down right now or you’re going under the bus too. Now I’ll give you another shot to clink your glass or else.”
Michelle: “My brother is married and my Mom wants a grandchild.”
Ali: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Elizabeth: “She doesn’t need a husband. She needs a therapist.”
Best line of the night. Kudos to Elizabeth.
Michelle sulks off to the corner of the rooftop and begins crying. Poor Jake sees her there and is forced to try and have a somewhat normal conversation.
Michelle: “I’m not over emotional or dramatic…even though I’ve been crying every time you see me. I’m the only person here for you Jake. I really, really, want a husband.”
Per direction of the ABC Psychotherapist, Jake speaks slowly and quietly as not to wake the other demons.
Jake: “I believe you.”
Michelle: “Remember I stressed out and packed my bags. I can’t continue on this journey if you are not feeling the same way as I do. Would it be awkward if I could kiss you to see if I can feel something?”
Jake looks at the ABC Psychotherapist and gets the go ahead. He reluctantly leans in for the kiss. Cold. Unemotional. Kiss. He pulls away.
Michelle: “You have to give me something more than that. What in the world? Why is your head down? LOOK ME IN THE EYES.”
The men with the straight jackets creep up a little closer.
Jake: “I’m ready for this night to be over. I just need to digest what I’m feeling.”
Michelle: “Well Jake. You leave me no choice. I can’t stay. I really want to stay because I feel that we have a connection. To spend this time with you and not be able to kiss you hurts me.”
Jake: “You said once that you would leave, but you didn’t. And now you’ve decided tonight that you want to go?”
Michelle: “If you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”
Jake: “I think it would be better if you did leave.”
BOOYAH!
It is at this point I pull out my car keys and begin shaking them at Michelle.
Michelle: “I came here to find a man and get married. He kicked me to the curb. I had no clue. I wanted to kiss him. He gave me a peck. What is that all about? You stay in a house for two weeks and hope you will marry. He is not for me.
I felt in my heart that I had made the right decision and that made it easy. I will find a man. And I will procreate. You watch. YOU WATCH AMERICA!”
Jake: “Love is a two-way street. Unfortunately for Michelle, she doesn’t know how to get there. But she now knows that you leave in a green taxi. So long my crazy friend. I wish you well in all your endeavors.”
Jake returns to the ladies and tells them that he asked Michelle to leave. He reminded them that he doesn’t have to wait for a rose ceremony to send someone home. He decides to not give a rose out on his date and returns home to think things through. Then he leaves them there with cold fondue.
This gesture of power and strength turns Ali on and she vows to the camera that he will be hers at the end of this journey.
One-On-One Date Two
Ella’s date
Let’s Lift Off to Another World
I’m going to go ahead and save us all a bunch of time here. Ella is sweet. Ella seems genuine enough. But Ella and Jake have ZERO chemistry. I mean ZERO. Unless ABC is editing the footage to death, I can’t see these two ending up together. And since I was so bored during this date, I am going to bring back an old favorite of mine…
Top 10 Thoughts I Experienced During Jakes One-On-One Date with Ella
1. Oh look. Another helicopter ride. GET NEW IDEAS ABC.
2. The humidity at Sea World did a number on Ella’s hair.
3. I wonder what the big surprise could be? Gee. It’s Ethan. Too bad they aren’t on a beach so he can tackle his mom ala Stephanie and her daughter during Jason’s season. SERIOUSLY ABC. CALL ME. I WILL GIVE YOU IDEAS.
4. How many of you wondered if Jake was going to give the little airplane back to Ethan?
5. How many of you wondered if Ethan was going to say, “Hey! I thought I lost that at school!”
6. How come Ella is wearing a blue dress in some shots and an orange tank top and denim jacket in others? Did she get wet by the big killer whale? Did one of the staffers have to give her her clothes? Now that’s good TV people!
7. How many hours do you think Ethan had to pretend to play with an airplane while his Mommy and his Mommy’s friend talked about rearing children and hypothetical proposals?
8. How cute are baby penguins?
9. Did we all appreciate the product placement of a successful Bachelor run with the shout out to Trista and Ryan?
10. Did anyone else hear the squawking geese or flamingos (do they squawk) as Ella and Jake were trying to have a special moment at dinner?
Back at the mansion, Vienna tells the camera that no one is sleeping in her room because they are jealous of her relationship with Jake. She feels the best way to get on their good side is to gather them all together and offer a collective apology.
Most of the girls accept until they get the ole evil eye from Ali.
Ali: “I don’t care that you apologized. None of us do. I wasn’t jealous because another girl went on a date with Jake. I was mad because YOU went on a date with Jake. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Track pants are only allowed on the weekends. You can’t sit with us.”
I have to say that ABC is editing the crap out of this situation too. I know I have a tendency to daydream about other topics while watching this show, but I really don’t remember Vienna being all that bad. Did I miss something while making a grilled cheese sandwich last week?
ROSE CEREMONY
Jake decides that this week has been rough on the old emotions. But there is still work to be done. He’s going to try and get some answers in order to make his decision.
Jake: “Elizabeth. Will you join me on the veranda?”
Elizabeth: “Sure. But remember. No kissing. You have to be a man and hold to your convictions and not kiss me. Are you good at back rubs? I want to experience them later.”
Jake: “You are the queen of mixed signals. You play games.”
Elizabeth: “Like how? Don’t kiss me. Do you want to kiss me? You should want to kiss me. I’m a very good kisser. I do want to kiss you. The reason it is hard, I do have a jealous side…it’s very hard. It’s interesting.”
Jake: “I’ve known people who don’t kiss for spiritual reasons. I don’t think that’s the case for you.”
Elizabeth: “Gosh no. It’s not. That’s how I show affection. But don’t tease me. Are you saying you need to kiss me to feel it for me? We’ll see. I want to. I really do.”
Jake to the camera: “I know she wants to kiss me but she’s not going to let me but she’s going to tease me about how much she wants me to.”
Vienna walks up and steals Jake away. Elizabeth calls for reinforcements and tells the girls that she won’t get a rose unless she kisses Jake.
Yeah. That’s what I got out of that conversation too, you big tease.
Elizabeth: “He wanted me to kiss him, but he thinks I’m sending mixed signals. He thinks I’m a tease. I’m shocked! Where did he come up with me playing games? He’s confused by me. And then, Vienna interrupted my time.”
Ali slams her glass down and goes to find Vienna.
Elizabeth: “He says it’s so important that I kiss him. I’m not just vanilla. I’m all different colors of the rainbow. Or ice cream flavors. Whatever. I can find a man. Look at me. Tears, tears, tears…bathroom, snot, Kleenex.”
Ali tells Vienna that she is going down because she took Elizabeth’s one-on-one time and she already has a rose. She says that everyone in the house hurts because of her selfish ways.
Then Vienna pushes her in front of an oncoming bus.
Elizabeth…still talking to the camera guy: “I’m not just a fish in a pond waiting for a hook. I am getting the best. He needs to know that I choose HIM. I am 29 and could be married by now. Have you seen me?”
Our Host escorts Jake into the Pier One Bookcase room. Jake longingly picks up Elizabeth’s photo, symbolically kisses it and heads out to hand out roses. He tells the camera that he is not afraid of sending the wrong woman home.
Roses go to:
Vienna
Ella, Ella, Ella
Gia’s Lips
The Girl’s Name You Can’t Remember Corrie
Tenley
Ali
Jessie
Kathryn
Ashleigh
Valishia walks away with some dignity. She tells the camera that she is used to things NOT going her way. Then she proceeds to ugly cry on national TV. Bless her heart.
Elizabeth tells Jake she should have kissed him. Everyone within hearing range nods their head in agreement. The ABC intern says she can kiss him anytime. The go make out behind a bush.
Next week…BACHELOR ROAD TRIP! How fun is that going to be? Sure we have Psycho Michelle and Elizabeth the Tease gone, but there’s always Vienna drama and the reign of Ali to contend with.
Plus, Jake gets pissed and throws a rose in the FIRE! Burn, baby BURN!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Dear Elizabeth, if you are reading this. “No! he does not want you to kiss him!!!!” Now I can go on and read Lincee’s blog.
Best line: The men with the straight jackets creep up a little closer. HAHA!
Awesome recap! Mean Girls is a classic and you had me rolling.
OMG, LOVE all the Mean Girls references! So so perfect! Ali was my favorite until last night but she totally has become Regine George. Now I don’t have a frontrunner!
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Track pants are only allowed on the weekends. You can’t sit with us.” Hilarious!!!
I’m with you that there’s some serious editing going on – there has got to be something we’re not seeing with Vienna for everyone to hate her so much. Can you imagine if they’d seen her intro video with her dressed up dog and whatnot?? Yikes!
Great recap! While watching the bored Ella date I also noticed the big zit on right side of her face…geez don’t those intern have cover up?
Also loved how Jake told everyone he sent Michelle home…she told him she was going, and he just agreed it was best and didnt’ try to stop her. Michelle: “Jake I think I need to leave” Jake: “okay, good idea”. Michelle: “OMG I can’t believe YOU sent ME home”….
Oh wow. This season could actually be the most dramatic one ever – the girls just keep getting crazier and crazier! Ugh.
Just found your blog. OMG…you are freakin hilarious!!! Can’t wait to read all your future Bachelor recaps!
Also – I think I’m the only one who still likes Ali. Vienna is ridiculous. And I am SO happy with how he sent crazy Michelle home! Go Jake! Best thing you ever did, buddy.
Lincee – you crack me UP! I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one
shouting – “You’re a MEAN GIRL!” at the telly and was mesmerized by
the size of Gia’s lips during the Rose ceremony.
Bachelor wouldn’t be the same without you!
As I sheepishly look around, having never seen “Mean Girls”……
Ali is totally a mean girl! What a B!!! Vienna seems fine to me. They are all just jealous little girls. i thought Elizabeth was such an idiot and must have been so embarrassed to see herself on TV these last two weeks. Good for Jake for calling her out on all the teasing she did on the bench under the fireworks. I mean, really? No wonder she is still single. And does anyone else think that scene with Michelle leaving was totally staged? It was so weird!
“How many hours do you think Ethan had to pretend to play with an airplane while his Mommy and his Mommy’s friend talked about rearing children and hypothetical proposals?”
Yes! When I watched that part I was sure it would merit mention in the re-cap. So fabulous.
GREAT recap Lincee!
That exchange with Michelle was hilarious! Did you catch that Jake looked dead at the camera as he kissed her? It as a side view just before they separated. HILARIOUS! Guess he was making sure he had backup to get her away ASAP. lol
I’m still trying to figure where it is that Elizabeth thinks she has the power to not have her one-on-one time interrupted? She should have utilized her time better as she told Vienna once before. Instead of sitting there trying to look at “sexy” and tease Jake. Snooze you loose. I don’t care if she did have a rose already…they threw her under the bus. I’d want to talk to him too.
I heard Ali brag about her date with him. Thing is they may like her more so they don’t care what she says, but oh that Vienna we don’t like her, how dare she have a good time with Jake. Fools…he doesn’t belong to any of you wackos! lol
#5 I am with you about Michelle … she basically said she was leaving and dared Jake to beg her to stay, and then saying he kicked her to the curb? I realize we are not dealing with a logical individual here, but, wow.
Lincee, re: Ella’s wardrobe changes, wonky hair, and lack of makeup for the zit, at one point I believe she, Jake, and Ethan were in wetsuits – I was doing 5 other things during their date, b/c it was a snore, but I think I saw that. So her hair probably got wet.
I only care about Larry. Larry is where it is at:
Pants on the ground,
Pants on the ground,
Lookin’ like a foo with your pants on the ground.
Hat to the side, gold in ya mouth,
looking like a foo with your pants on the ground.
I don’t get the Vienna hate either. I mean yes she was a little annoying after her date wtih Jake but they say that she talks about everyone behind her back. How can she? No one will share a room with her so she has no one to talk to. Also I really don’t like Ali and I am starting to really like Jake. He can read women easily and good for him for getting rid of the crazies and the game playing Elizabeth. I laughed at the end when she was telling him “i should have kissed you” and then she tried to. LMFAO. I also laughed on how she was recaping what happend btw her and jake. Girl needs a clue.
Webman – that’s GENERAL Larry to you! Haha! Love that guy!!
I also cant NOT STAND Gia’s lips.
ABC……….. PLEASE DON’T MAKE REGINA GEORGE (ALI) THE NEXT BACHELORETTE!!! UG!
Gia’s lips looked supersized this episode. Do they allow them sneak off for botex treatments?
oops botox!
Now THAT’S entertainment!!! Hilarious…I just know my boss is sitting in his office wondering why I am laughing hysterically in here. I love “Vienna chooses a graceful bellyflop entrance and dog paddles over to Jake”. So funny!
The editing has everyone believing that Vienna is undeservingly being hated, but there has to be a reason for that many girls not to like her. It’s not just Ali, she is just the only one speaking up. Even her only friend in the house, Gia, said that she was losing her. I’m still on Team Ali…there is nobody else I’d care to see with Jake.
And really, when did it become a rule that you can’t talk to Jake if you already have a rose??? There is nothing wrong with being a little aggressive, especially when you have every reason to believe that the girls are just telling Jake what a horrible person you are.
Best line….”…bathroom, snot, Kleenex.”
Lincee, the recap was hilarious!!
Ali: “Michelle…are you in? It’s a pact. Clink your BLEEPING glass.” LOL
Ali was a total Regina on last night’s show! I kept wondering who appointed her commander & chief of the house, which made Crazy Michelle’s refusal to join in on her “pact” all the more hilarious – the look of confusion on Ali’s face upon hearing Michelle’s defiance is classic. Then she goes all sweet-voiced and sheepishly says “you’re being mean to me.” WHAT THE WHAT?! (As Lincee would say)
Although Vienna’s cross-eyed excitement is sometimes hard to watch and the girl can’t seem to run a comb/brush through her obvious & dull hair extensions, I find her refreshing real. At 23, she is the only woman whose behavior can be semi-justified because the girl acts her age – over-emotional and at times naïve and ungraceful. This is for sure, at this point, she seems to be the front-runner because Jake didn’t seem as comfortable with Ali as he did with Vienna, and let’s not even talk about Ella’s date, which seemed more like Jake’s day out with his sister.
PANTS ON THE GROUND!!! That was so hilarious last week!
Adriana, not true. I still like Ali, too. And not Vienna.
And I agree with Tracy. Just because we don’t see her talking about other girls, doesn’t mean there isn’t a real reason for EVERY SINGLE OTHER GIRL in the house to hate her.
At this point, I like Tenley and Ali the most. Jessie’s eyes freak me out. Gia reminds me of a prostitute. Ashleigh constantly looks drunk to me. And honestly, if Vienna is F1, I’ll be sickened.
Oh Jake, for all my commenting that you have made me cringe, I have to say that you are rather astute. Bravo, young man! That said, Vienna-weenie is way too young for you. I’m going to miss Crazy ‘Chelle.
Note to Lizardbreath…while I understand not wanting to play tonsil hockey with Jake while he is playing tonsil hockey with everyone else on the team is admirable, but to do what you did to him and then tell the girls that you have to kiss him in order to get a rose? Seriously, girlie you did everything but grab his manly bits to encite a kiss and he didn’t. Not only did he respect your request, he respected himself. So hear hear for the guy that understands that “no” means no, even when the gal is doing her damnedest to convince you otherwise.
I’m starting to heart Jake.
By the way, Lincee, HILARIOUS recap, once again! Reading your recaps each week are my favorite thing about Tuesday!
I think ABC had to maximize their editing on Michelle while they still had her. I think Vienna will soon be the next bunny boiler….I think she’s been psycho all this time, but ABC’s not let us see that just yet. Her head will spin next week….just wait!
Kat- you are probably right. I have a feeling that ABC picked the worst bunch and we are going to watch them all crash and burn each week on this crazy train.
gia=trout pout
How many times did you want to smack yourself on the top of the head and ask “WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?!” And then Ali becomes a Heather (yes, I dated myself. Never seen Mean Girls). Thank goodness Michelle is getting the help she needs, we hope. Good job as usual, Lincee! And webMAN!
I am with Lincee – although I do not like Vienna particularly and think she is shallow, a spoiled little daddy’s girl and is creepy wanting to find a new daddy for her dog, she doesn’t appear mean or talking bad about people. So, they either chose her to throw under the bus for no reason or we are missing some major footage.
Michelle may have been an actress hired to create the drama by ABC. How could she possibly think she has a connection with Jake when her 3 conversations she has had with him were about 2 minutes long and she cried every time? She is delusional. Totally. 100%. And of all the girls to make a boob joke about herself, she has the smallest ones on the show.
Clearly the “tease” thing has worked for Elizabeth in the past. Guys like a challenge – or a perceived challenge. But she got a rose last week on the group date because Jake was “intrigued”, but she pushed it too far – she should have let it go, but didn’t it. BUH-BYE, Lizzy.
If Ali doesn’t win, I bet ABC picks her to be the next Bachelorette. She has that All-American girl look. Or they will go other way, and pick Wonky Cans McTease Alot, Elizabeth.
Valishia who? Was she even in the episode? No group date. No one-on-one. No time at the cocktail party. Big shock she didn’t get a rose.
Add me to the Ali group! I like her. I think that she is just the only one standing up to Vienna. And I don’t care what we see of her on the show- She dresses up her dog for “Mommy-Daughter Days” Barf.
Oh, and I’m pretty sure everyone in my office thinks I’m crazy for randomly laughing when I should be working! Great job Lincee!!
I don’t see what’s so commendable about telling Vienna to her face how they feel, when they did it all to her back first – then remembered out wait this will be taped…let me tell her too (and I’ll adjust a word or two). Ugh…irritating. If you got something to say…say it then and there. Don’t go to Jake…I don’t understand why you gave her a rose…um cow..worry about your own backyard. I don’t think Corrie would have went there had Vienna been on that date with them – she would have said one little thing and moved on. I thought it spoke more of them being that damn catty, when they know what show they are going on, to act all in awe that he would like someone who isn’t like them. Different strokes, different folks…makes the world go round. Duh.
Finally figured out who Ali kept reminding me of- especially after this episode. Not sure if anyone watches The City (The Hills spin off) but she looks like witchy Erin: http://www.mtv.com/photos/the-city-erin-k/1621668/4257091/photo.jhtml
Now if Ali starts talking like she smells something stinky all the time, it’s a dead ringer.
Saggleo- completely agree. I don’t think it’s commendable “standing up” to Vienna the way Ali did. If she needed to say something, why not grab Vienna, pull her aside and air out your feelings? Doing it front of all the others just started some crazy mob mentality. I like people who speak what they think- but in the right way. Ali went about it allllll wrong. And suddenly she became house chaperone and had to constantly tell Vienna when she did something wrong. Totally weird.
This holiday threw me off… I totally forgot the show was on yesterday… oops! Lincee, you were cracking me up. I love love LOVE “Mean Girls” (and anyone who hasn’t seen it, must!). I am glad I DVR’d it (my awesome bf did it for me actually) so I can go home and fast forward through the boring stuff and watch Michelle’s last breakdown… woo!
You never disappoint…………….almost better than watching the show.
OH MY GOSH. You really need to tell people not to be eating or drinking while reading your blog, b/c my water? Just came out of my nose. I LOVED the Mean Girls references….and my favorite line? “I’m not on cloud nine anymore. I’m on cloud Jake! Remember to wear a condom.” BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Didn’t Jake actually say “Bless Her Heart?” at one point.
I still like Ali too… I like her more now that I know she isn’t just all-American wholesome as it seemed after her date with Jake. And I fully believe that more must be going on than what we see. And as for the comment above (#33) about Valisha not having any one-on-one time, etc. to explain why she was booted– do you really think Jake never talked to her alone? Even in a two-hour episode, stuff gets cut. And when the producers already know how the season will play out as they’re editing, of course they will show the parts that have the most drama or feature those that will go farther in the season.
Also, I’m pretty sure Michelle’s coconuts joke was a dig at the other women’s enhancements, not meant to suggest that she herself had big boobs.
Lincee, your recap was so fetch. I don’t buy that Ali is a mean girl, but it was a hilarious hook for the recap nonetheless.
My fave line “He (OHCH) did, however, forget to mention that Jake grew a pair over night and that the girls should be prepared.”
I’m thinking the Vienna hate could be because she’s telling them all the things her daddy buys for her, all the trips, etc…are they all just jealous, or is Vienna really a nasty girl and the audience just doesn’t see it?
You rock Lincee! So hilarious. Loved the Mean Girls references, Ali is totally Regina in the making. And I don’t get all of the hatred for Vienna either.. she really must be something off camera because the producers haven’t given her the “bitch” edit at all. Hmm, makes you wonder! So glad that psycho Michelle is gone.. she was straight crazy. Thanks for the laugh as usual!
My two cents: All these girls are off their rockers. Nuff said.
Elizabeth, the nanny tease, kept contradicting herself and she never realized it.
“I don’t want you to kiss me, but I’m really good at it…**bedroom eyes, bedroom eyes**, but seriously, no kissing these wet, super luscious lips. No kissing at all, but remember I’m good at it. I wonder what a back rub would feel like from you Pilot Jake….but no touching me, as I lean in with my melons hanging out.”
Goes back in to complain to girls: “Jake thinks I’m a tease and I don’t know why?!”
She’s a pineapple. Brown on the outside, blonde on the inside.
And who else thought Vienna (sausage) looked like a deranged bunny boiler, by hanging out in the shadows as she prepared to interrupt Elizabeth-nanny tease.
On a side note, Gia totally looks like Ellen Pompeo (Meredith Grey).
PS…Vanilla is my favorite color too!
After watching Ellen yesterday and the show last night I really don’t think he picks anyone. He looks bored and frustrated with the whole process.
Also it looks like Realitysteve got knocked down a peg last night. He got some bad info on what happened on the show last night. Maybe now he will get back to being funny and quit trying to out the show all the time. I think most of know this is just entertainment
Awesome…as ever!!!
RS said that Ella would go home after the Seaworld date and that Jake would tell her to “spend time with her son and not me…”
so maybe he doesn’t know everything and the end result mightn’t be the forgone conclusion people are saying it is (please God!!)
and Jake’s TOTALLY my Fbook friend lol and I plan to write love poems, little private notes and let him make out with my forehead to win his heart! bwahahaha
I always liked Jake, and after last night, I have even more respect for him. He saw through the crazy, through the game playing, and accepted “No” as NO. He behaves like a gentleman and I hope he does end up happy at the end of this. Unfortunately, he seems to have some slim pickens to choose from. Ella seemed kind of stalker- ish at the begining, but she did seem very sweet and normal on their date. As for Vienna- she and Jake seemed to get along great and that’s really all that would matter in the end. Good for her for trying to defend herself when the other girls tossed her under the bus. Who cares if she interrupted another girl. They ALL do it to each other. Why shouldn’t Vienna? Because the tribe doesn’t like her?!? What- EVER to that. Maybe she is a cow off camera and maybe the other girls are justified in not liking her, but the way they acted makes them look worse. I’m dying to see who gets their rose burned next week! Jake is really narrowing them down quickly!
Interesting reading everybody’s take on this. This is only my second season watching (and it’s largely because of this blog) and I’m flabbergasted at a) the type of girls that are chosen and b) that Jake actually keeps these nutsos around for as long as he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s for the ratings, etc. etc. I find absolutely nothing redeeming about Vienna. She comes across to me as completely fake, spoiled, vacant, etc. I still like Ali and think she’s just standing up for what many of us might say. I find Ella to be the most real of the bunch and am sorry the chemistry appears not to be there. I wish the military chick was still on – I’m so bummed he let her go in the first show.
If Jake ends up not picking anybody, good for him. Just means he wasn’t as desperate as Michelle. OH!! And we need to add Michelle to the new Bachelor show!
#33 – AmanainDallas – “Wonky Cans McTease Alot, Elizabeth” bahahahaha – oh my awesomeness.
Lincee, as always, my co-workers think I’m crazy for laughing out loud while I sit at my desk alone. But its worth it cause you rock.
You know, I wondered last week if Jake would have the guts to not give someone a rose after a one-on-one…. I guess last night showed me it probably won’t be a problem.
I was not excited for him as the bachelor AT ALL at the start of this season, but I am really digging him now. The man knows what he wants… and he’s not going to keep women around just ’cause they’re pretty, doesn’t play stupid little games… and my favorite: announced during the group date that he’s not giving out a rose, he’s just tired, and he’s going home. I loved that part, where he decided he wasn’t dealing with their drama anymore
this blog is why Tuesday is my favorite day of the week! Thanks, Lincee!
Lincee, you are beyond hilarious! Truly, I look forward to reading your recap the minute the show is over….your recap is usually way more entertaining. BTW, LOVED when Jake told Michelle to go ahead and leave….go Jake! I, along with everyone else, was thinking “What the What?!” when she then went on and on about how he “kicked her to the curb” and “she had no idea why he was letting her go”, etc., wow, it is sad to watch someone who is so out of touch with reality. Talk about someone who is every color in the rainbow….or flavor. Or whatever…..
Lincee – particularly hilarious recap! Totally hiding from my kids and their “I need help with my homework” while I read this!! When Elizabeth (good riddance you f’in tease!!!) came out with her vanilla/rainbow line, I wondered how many other people were thinking, “nice mixed metaphor” – I KNEW you would be one of them!
Love the Mean Girls references – but I have to say, Ali is still my fav…(maybe that’s like saying, which do you like better, a broken arm or a broken leg?)
Gia’s “Joker” lips were making me more annoyed than usual -
Tenley seemed slightly less annoying – but I think that has more to do with the women who surround her than her inherent personality -
Vienna – yuck!
Haven’t read all the comments yet, but did anyone else notice that while Jake was kissing Vienna (or maybe it was Tenley) he totally gave a look to the side, like he was watching some crew member watching him? Or waiting for some kind of signal? Way to be in the moment…
To be honest, though, I did think Jake was less of a dork last night – On target with his eliminations, showing a little backbone (apart from the bungee meltdown) – OK, I’ll keep watching…
Who was rumored to be pregnant? I love crazytown… Can’t wait for the Real World version of the Bachelorette/Bachelor fruit loops…
I agree with Nancy, I finally started liking Jake last night! He seemed real for a change, and less like the Ken doll we’ve seen in the past. I actually felt sorry for him this week, he seemed so exasperated when he should be havin’ fun and making out with girls left and right…..it’s the only way to find your best friend/wife in a matter of weeks, right? Anyway, looking forward to seeing what’s next now….and checking out this blog immediately after!
I still am on Team Ali!! Of course she shot herself in the foot last night by being to outspoken and the girl that defends the house never wins…dang! I think she is the most “real” girl in left.
#53 nancy – that look was when he kissed michelle! i was cracking up!
#57 Saggelo – that look was sooo uncomfortable! Thank goodness I have lots of pillows to hide behind….
Just had to say, I don’t think I’ve EVAH laughed at anything so hard in my daggone life. Reading your recaps of the show, is better than watching it! Love it!!
#13, #57 saggleo – Yes! Michelle! I guess I was trying to block that he even kissed her! Thanks for clearing that up – and so glad someone else noticed/mentioned it – So f’in funny!
New game we’ve invented- eat a chocolate everytime somebody on the show says “here for the right reasons”. It finally go to the point last night were we couldn’t eat anymore.
Did Tenley really joke that she was pregnant? I saw a clip online for what I thought was an upcoming episode where she really DOES say she’s pregnant, but after reading Lincee’s recap of their conversation, I’m wondering if I was mistaken and last night’s joke was all there was to it? If so, I must have missed that line last night (I too was multitasking)
Can anyone confirm?
“Did anyone else hear the squawking geese or flamingos (do they squawk) as Ella and Jake were trying to have a special moment at dinner?”
…… i watched with closed captioning on and it actually said “flamingos squawking”
it was pretty hilarious.
What a great recap especially the mean girl references. I’m with # 8,26,34,41 & 48, I still like Ali. Ella’s hair made me smile, since mine would do the same thing if I swam in a SeaWorld tank. I have never liked Jake as much as I did last night. Way to go Jake (or editing of Jake)!! This episode was pretty entertaining and you captured it well, Lincee.
Maybe its just me, but if there was a drinking game for every time we saw Jake shirtless, we’d all be royally hammered. “But Umm…..”
Anyone else notice that when we gets out of the hottub to get the rose for Vienna (and thank god for us guys the camera was blurry on that shot, if you know what I mean) they immediately show a shot of our boy walking to the rose in another room – dry as a desert – only to return to the hottub wet again. Has it really come to this that we cannot even show a consecutive shot of the guy doing something so simple.
But who am I kidding. I’m sure for most of the women, the last thing they were notcing in that shot was whether he was wet, but just saying….
@ 65 rusty. love the himym reference. and I’ve often though of playing a drinking game while watching the bach, but i know i would get hammered because each episode is 2 hours long. wouldn’t have been such a bad idea when they only made hour long episodes.
After finding this blog last year, I finally just have to comment. First of all, Lincee is possibly one of the funniest writers ever – her recaps are the highlight of Tuesdays for me. As someone old enough to be the mother of Jake and all of the contestants, I am compelled to add some random comments.
1. I promise, I have watched all of the episodes, yet who in the heck are Valishia and Jessie? I have never laid eyes on them before – talk about editing.
2. I hope someone sets up some pretty tight security screening for the “girls tell all” segment (or whatever they call it). If I were Jake, I would be terrified about seeing Michelle in person again.
3. Ali honey, you are the woman no one wants to have on her Jr. League or PTA committee. She is going to grow up to be one of the dreaded “Queen Bee” moms. Ali got my first impression rose, which I now intend to revoke and burn.
4. Vienna isn’t my favorite (please Mr. ABC Cameraman – no direct face-on shots, she is cross-eyed), but heaven help us, she also isn’t the anti-Christ.
5. Was it just me, or was Ella less than thrilled when her 7-year-old showed up for her one-on-one date? I was more excited to see my 19-year-old when he came back from his Christmas ski trip. (And the honking flamingos indeed were a lovely touch.)
6. Elizabeth – oh please, girl. You would have been considered a tease when I was in high school.
7. And finally, Gia, Gia, Gia. Folks, the reason she has that lisp is because SHE CAN’T MOVE HER LIPS! Every time she talks, I am afraid her lips are going to explode and spew collagen all over everyone else. If and when Jake kisses her, his head will disappear.
I think maybe Jake should have just stayed in Dallas and tried Match.com or something.
#65 – sorry rusty…I paid no attention to whether or not Jake was dry or wet…LOL Nor do I think I’d really care either way…as long as he’s shirtless. Yes…I went THERE! It’s how I roll.
It’s funny…Vienna gets dissed for being “real”…and Ali get’s kadooz (RHOC ref) for being “real”. There’s nothing wrong with having some backbone but dog a chick b/c she has one too, and it may be a little better than yours. I can’t remember who posted but someone said she turned a switch w/ the comment to Michelle of her being mean to her right now (in a soft voice) and went all rouge on Vienna like it was her right. So Michelle doesn’t want to cling drinks to cattiness and she’s being mean (we know she’s crazy), but oh my Vienna showed another side to Jake. Hmm….well if they all keep it up in showing their catty side to Jake about one person…they could be out the door too. Hate the game …not the player!
YOU GUYS HAVE TO WATCH THIS…diary of the departed! According to Michelle Jake asked her to stay… huh?!?! lol
http://www.hulu.com/watch/121564/the-bachelor-diaries-of-the-departed-week-3#s-p1-sr-i1
So, here’s my question. Did anyone notice that when Elizabeth was sitting on the couch talking to Jake that Vienna was standing in the back? She then made a signal with her hands like “is it ok to come in now?” to a producer or something.
Please rename Ali Regina from now on. Or, as one other “oldie” mentioned, “Heather” is also a good choice.
Big props to Jake for growing a pair and kicking crazy-eyes Michelle out! I was impressed. Is there any way you can write an edit or update to that Nebraska paper for your interview on Elizabeth the Tease?
Also, was it just me or is Jake’s closet made up of ONLY plaid shirts???
Love it: “Then Jake throws up in her hair. Just kidding. But how awesome would that have been?”
Does anyone else see Jessie as a dead ringer for Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island? Or am I the oldest person here? And Ali totally looks like whatshername from The City. Just sayin’….
And Lincee….you totally rock! The Mean Girl references made me snort out loud!!
Did anyone really watch when Vienna came to interrupt Elizabeth and Jake???You can see her in the background and it looks like she is waiting for someone’s approval to walk in and interrupt.
Also do you really think he won’t pick anyone???because at the beginning he says he is happy and in love
haha #32 Janet — I totally thought of Heathers during the episode too!!! LOL Never seen Mean Girls but now I want to watch it.
Best recap EVER Lincee!!! I could not stop laughing!!! So many hilarious moments last night to comment on!!
Did else anyone notice Jessie’s frightful hairdo at the Rose Ceremony? It looked like she got styled at the pet groomer.
Yes – I totally noticed Vienna waiting for a signal to interupt Jake and Elizabeth – I even replayed it to make sure. This show is SO scripted.
#70, #73 – Yes, Karen and Elizabeth. She did get instructed to interrupt. I just watched it again..totally missed it the first time. Maybe the producers were trying to be his “wing men”. LOL
#70 Yes you are right, I’m sure she was checking with the producer. They are constantly going and grabbing girls and telling them to go “interrupt” another girl and the bachelor (i remember one girl who didn’t interrupt like they told her and she was cussed out for not “following directions”). I’ve always wondered how these girls don’t realize how silly/desperate/rude it makes them look when they interrupt.
#75 Houstonlawyer – I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! I totally said after she got a rose..who did her hair?!?! What a bird’s nest! lol
All that time those chicks were sitting around comforting Elizabeth (competition)..they could have been having some one on one time with Jake. Whine whine whine…what kind of cheese would you like?
#69 saggleo – That whole speech sounded to me like Michelle was trying to make herself believe that she dumped him instead of the other way around.
#67 Ann- for being a newbie poster, you’re pretty funny too! I enjoyed reading your comment.
#75 Houstonlawyer- OMG she did look like a poodle. I didn’t think that right away- just thought she looked fluffy. Now that you mention it, totally went to the groomer.
I guess I have to rewatch this episode again. I missed the flamingo squacking- I nearly fell asleep during his date with Ella. Actually, I didn’t even realize they had dinner. It was sooo exciting.
Now I need to rewatch Vienna’s getting signaled in.
Oh and what was up with Vienna’s dress. It was awful.
I know Mallory…that’s what’s so funny!! LOL I still don’t get the….he asked me to stay, then he gave me no explanation of why he wanted me to, then he sent me home. I’m not staying for that lame kiss. etc etc (paraphrasing obviously). Hilarious! Oh if she’s on the WTA (women tell all) I will be soooo happy!
I just watched the departed of Ashely (flight attendant outfit) she was not happy that the girls were wondering how Roz was feeling after all that went down – and she vocalized it to them. So again some fancy editing work there.
#81- totally Mallory. She must have not liked being dumped, so she told him she was leaving. LMAO. *cue crazy girl music*
#72 Leslie – You must not be the oldest person here…Jessie looks just like Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island! I kept thinking she was a dead ringer for Minnie Mouse but Mary Ann is even better!
I have not had a chance to read thru all the posts so forgive me, but … when Ali was chewing out Vienna, I thought I saw a person in the background wearing black. Who was that ?
I was really impressed with Jake when he had some insight into Elizabeth, something about how she was protecting herself, I think she was. Then I woke up this morning and wondered if the ABC psychotherapist told him that…
FYI, Crazy kicked-off Michelle will be on Ellen tomorrow! THAT should be entertaining!!!
Thank God for PVR and my fellow beaners. Now I have to go back and watch because I missed the “traffic cop” redirecting Vienna to interrupt Jake. Oh and Kat (#29?) – thanks for the best laugh I had all day. Now whenever I see Vienna I’m going to picture Glenn Close. I’m just waiting for her to say “I’m not going to be ignored Jake!”. (Off to the spoiler thread for me).
how awesome would it have been if jake had thrown up in vienna’s hair?! totally awesome!
I am so surprised one of your top 10 thoughts for Ella’s date wasn’t the massive zit on the side of her face…holy huge pimple.
I think that comedy club date has to be one of the most uncomfortable dates in Bachelor history. I’d rather see the girls do the ever-popular songwriting about the bachelor than tell those painfully awful “jokes.” I hope the audience didn’t have to pay for that. And I think we’ll now remember Corrie, so Lincee, you might have to find a new name for her.
All my early faves have disappointed me, so that leaves me cheering for Jessie. Why? Because I know absolutely nothing about her! Poor Jakey. He would probably be smart to pick no one in the end.
#89 – MaggieMay – WELCOME BACK!!! Missed ya sistah!
My friend thinks Vienna looks like Donatella Versace? Anyone?
Vicki – YES! And neither one is worth getting all crazed over, looks wise.
Personally, I think Vienna looks like Haylie Duff.
Vienna sort of reminds me of Krisily from the Charlie/Sara season. She was not nearly as bad as they made her out to be (ABC editing). Either way, I don’t really think she is right for Jake. I am actually surprised that I am liking Jake more and more each week. He did seem to grow a pair overnight, as Lincee so accurately explained in her blog.
Not sure what to think about Ali. I thought I heard her make some comment at one point about how Jake would want a girl who gets along with others. It seems like she thinks she’s already Jake’s girlfriend and she is just trying to be the mediator in the house, but it is definitely coming off more like “Mean Girls”.
I think Corrie is a sleeper/dark house. Based on the comedy club she clearly has more personality than we are seeing. More drama to come next week!
#65 rusty, Butum. LOL
#72 Leslie, thanks, I was trying to figure out who she looked like, Definately Mary Ann,
Poor little Ethan, his mama gave away his favorite plane and he got a replacement from the Dollar Tree. Seriously , they couldn’t buy the poor kid a better plane than that?
Just getting to this recap so sorry if it’s been mentioned (probably… hopefully 100 times by now), but did anyone else catch Jake looking for the camera out of the corner of his eye while kissing Tenley? And then, of course, breaking into his fake little laugh.
Can’t decide who is the worst bachelor… Jake, Andy, or the Prince guy…. Although, if Jake keeps calling these girls on their stupid bluffs, he will definitely not be #1.
Oh, and why did I get the impression that when Ella saw her son, she immediately thought to herself, “Damn, the little C#&@blocker is here!”
I’m not a bad person… really.
That was the worst group date after party. UGH. Hello- quite ganging up on Vienna and have fun! I hate mean girls. Why do they think it’s their right to tell people (Vienna) off and put her down to Jake. They are too shallow to realize their mean words reflect their personalities more than Vienna’s. Don’t get me wrong, I think Vienna is a ditz, but no one deserves to be attacked like that. Ali seemed like the best, now she just seems mean. I think the nice side was the act. Go Tenley! You and Jake are both dorky, but very sweet!
I’m very excited about next week. The road trip is to my former college town: San Luis Obispo! It appears they spend quite a bit of time at the Madonna Inn. Reknown for its seriously PINK restaurant and crazy themed rooms. I bet they go look at the men’s restroom. It’s a rite of passage there. It’s a freaky waterfall for a urinal.
http://www.madonnainn.com/
I’m also excited about next week because I’m mezmerized by Gia’s mouth. She reminds me of some actress I can’t put my finger on. Maybe it was a cartoon.
I’m sad that Elizabeth got no rose. She started to stand out as a real personality. She just had a bad no-kissing strategy that backfired on her.
Five bucks says the P-Ali-stics will have Vienna eating Kalteen bars by week 5.
love this post lincee! i couldn’t quite put my finger on the familiarity of the situation in the house at first, but your mean girls thing did the trick!
so far this season seems to be such a downer, i’m not hopeful that it’ll work out for poor jakey-jake…
keep ‘em comin’ girl! your recap is entertaining me more than anything on tv on tuesday nights (or monday nights for that matter)!
Quite possibly two of my favorite lines of all time…Per direction of the ABC Psychotherapist, Jake speaks slowly and quietly as not to wake the other demons…and….It is at this point I pull out my car keys and begin shaking them at Michelle. Love it!! I like many others was not all that excited about Jake as the bachelor but, after last night I have to give him props.
can we please mention the GINORMOUS wine glasses that vienna sausage and jake were imbibing from post bungee jump??!! they were like 2 feet tall.
she is sooooo bizarre lookign to me–they do NOT go together at all!
LOVED Jakes choices last night–sending home michelle and elizabeth was priceless. good for him–liking him more each episode.
im on team tenley–except didnt love the side cascading curls a la ariel at the rose ceremony.
and gia TOTALLY has joker mouth–good call.
ali is adorable until she opens her mouth
I’m only on the 3rd paragraph and I am about to pee in my pants!
Whoa – Some Guy is a little late to the comment party tonight. Busy day at the office, and went to see Leap Year with the wife. So fetch.
Anywho. First thing I have to say is that I like this Jake guy. Type A ripped dudes who insist on picking dates up on a motorcycle usually come off as iceholes, but not Jake. I also like how he’s playing by his rules. Way to be.
I don’t get the vitriol towards Vienna, but I also don’t see what’s so great about her.
Elizabeth – bless your heart. Self awareness is an amazing thing. Don’t set ground rules and then be a big ole flirt.
I’m still on Team Ali. For now. Last week she seemed like the normal one….
Hilarious recap, Lincee! Thanks for making Tuesday an exciting day of the week! I agree with everyone – I’m starting to like Jake more now that I see he’s not such a marshmallow when it comes to women.
A few thoughts:
Bye, Bye Elizabeth, Homey don’t play that game. Me? A tease?? Why, just because I am talking about back rubs and I’m putting my tig bitties in your face but we can’t kissssssss!!
Michelle – before you play the “threaten to leave game” you better make sure the guy gives a crap!!
Vienna and Jake would need to do something thrilling and new on every date b/c it seemed like that was all they had to talk about after it was over!! Can you think of any other conversation? Like, why Vienna can’t get better hair extensions?!
The quacking in the background during the Ella dinner was hilarious. I couldn’t believe neither one of them laughed or acknowledged it – maybe it’s in an outtake…
Okay, thanks, everyone for giving me a good laugh today!!
#99 Not Ashamed Guy…Lame-o Lorenzo (prince guy) actually takes the cake as Worst. Bachelor. EVER! And to think I auditioned for that season…I guess Rome would’ve been cool
#99 – not ashamed guy – You are right! Jake did look at the camera with Tenley…I thought it was with Michelle. Darn…the other way (w/ Michelle) would have just upped the crazy factor! LOL
I still like Ali and Tenley and maybe even Corrie for Jake. Kathryn and Jessie are the unknown still! And you are right (I have seen some old re-runs….) Jessie is Mary Ann.
I think Vienna is just young, immature and obviously clueless on how to get along with even one girl in the house. Beware Jake! She might have a nice side – but not exactly wife material….
BachelorParty (#102), my husband says Gia’s lips remind him of Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal).
who the heck is kathryn? seriously… every time i see her, i literally think to myself, “who the heck is that?”. and when Jon called her name at the comedy club, i thought, “there’s a kathryn?”
i think i remember now that she is blond. that’s all i got. i remember corrie and jessie more than her.
Did anyone get really jealous when they were walking around with penguins…can you do that?!?! Is that real? At first I thought that date would be lame, but now I’m totally jealous.
Ella … spirit fingers? Really? What 30 year old woman says that?
I am back at cheerleading camp, a 16 year old girl sweating in the heat of the summer in the deep south, stressed out trying to get the other girls on the squad to polish their herkey’s , clap in unison and stick the dismount while still trying to be incredibly perky and upbeat when the staffers come by so that I might possibly win the spirit stick for my team! Go Falcons! Spirit Fingers, everyone – NOW!! [was that Ali?]
I’m back in college in sorority rush in Georgia, where would convene in the chapter room to review the girls … a favorite would flash on the screen and we would throw our hands in the air like we were on a roller coaster in the front row with Jake and do a modified spirit finger or jazz hands and sream in unison in our ridiculously deep southern drawls … ‘FIRE ON THAT GIRL, FIRE ON THAT GIRL’. [sounds like faaayyyrrr on that gerl!]
What woman in her thirties, with a rented child she hardly acknowledges, is still saying spirit fingers or sprinkles or whatever? Next week I’m expecting the snaps for claps from her …
Does anyone dislike Ella as much as I do? She reminds me of a less-sweet version of that mom chick from Jason’s season. Stephanie? Anyway, can’t stand Ella. I think she’s fake as hell and her accent is driving me up the wall! Normally I like Southern accents but Ella’s makes me want to gag. I hope she’s out soon.
#71 Aja- I noticed too that Jake only seems to wear plaid shirts! He should switch up his wardrobe choices. I don’t like Vienna, but I feel bad for her now because everyone is talking crap about her to Jake. It could be that they didn’t show us what has been happening, but that didn’t seem fair. I would interrupt too, even with a rose, because she had no chance to defend herself. Everyone always interrupts to get time; that was so annoying when everyone was freaking out about it.
I used to like Ali a lot more, but she seemed unnecessarily bitchy to Vienna. I think Tenley and Jake would be cute; she seems like a good, normal girl for Jake. She is a little emotional and has issues with her ex or whatever, but she seems genuinely sweet and someone Jake could really be with.
Also, Elizabeth was definitely being a tease and her being so “confused” about Jake’s reaction was ridiculous. That’s fine if you don’t want to kiss someone, but then DON’T keep bringing it up!!! She’s all, don’t you wanna kiss me… It was dumb. He in no way made it seem at all that he needed a kiss from her to keep her around.
Anyway, great recap, look forward to next week! I think Corrie could be okay if they show more of her talking with Jake or whatever. She seems pretty normal.
Lincee your recaps are brilliant, thank you.
#62 ALS–I watched the Tenley “I’m pregnant” out take on the ABC site.
She has a pretty good sense of humour actually. She kind of won a bit of my heart when she naively jumped into the kitchen rehashing of the “what kind of animal would you be” (in bed) missing the in bed part and said “Oh can I play–I want to be a giraffe because they look like runway models” and she strutted around the kitchen. Okay, she’s been around Disney a bit too long, but she’s good in the mix.
I need to check out Michelle on Ellen tomorrow. Maybe she’s actually an Ellen intern with a prompt in her ear, doing/saying anything Ellen directs her to. If not it’s just sad…….
I also need to say I’m still on Team Alicat. She’s putting some spice in the vanilla soup.
Whoever said Jake & Vienna would have to go on extreme dates all the time was right. They didn’t talk about anything else but their bungee-jumping experience.
Michelle and Elizabeth: Maybe only one was crazy, but both were clueless in the end.
Did the ABC intern remove all the hairbrushes from the set? Seems like most of the girls would benefit from running one through their hair on occasion. And why was Jessie wearing a “Bump-It” on the side of her head?…
And sorry, Lincee, but “going rouge” is wearing too much blusher. You meant “going rogue,” but “going rouge” was definitely funnier!
[...] Visit link: Shut up! Vanilla is my favorite color of the rainbow too! [...]
Let us not forget that Vienna (I think, its not easy to remember the first episode) is the one that crashed like three of “daddy’s” cars…I didn’t like her from the start. We’re also not seeing the whole story, and ABC’s editing must be factored in here…
I’m so deathly afraid that the reason they’re editing Vienna’s nastiness is that she’s in the top couple, or maybe even the winner.
Off the subject of the bachelor. Lincee, where is the shout-out to GLEE for their Golden Globe? So excited they won!
First off, I wait w/ baited breath for this blog to be posted every Tuesday– reading it covertly @ work. I’ve been a fan for years. It’s why I’ll watch The Bachelor even when I get to the “Really?!?” phase. Now, it seems that the two “front-runners” Vienna and Ali are actually very much alike and we’ll see more of Ali’s biatchy side emerge in the coming weeks…
As for the Roz escapade– Perhaps a combo of “beer-goggles” and fame-seeking was at play? But isn’t it interesting that Ella got “Roz’s” Sea World date…?
Poor,poor Jake, bless his little heart. Why does he seem more clueless than the others?
Did anyone else think the girl in green they showed in the audience at the Comedy Club was Nikki Sideburns? I had to rewind to double check. If it wasn’t her it was her twin sister.
I just watched an interview with the exec producer Fleiss and when asked about The Bachelor show he said: “I don’t think people really care what the end result is if the story is interesting enough. And so, whether or not the couple gets married at the end I think is immaterial.”
So all of those that are looking for a romantic ending…not on the Bachelor – by design. Bummer.
I am totally surprised to come out of this episode liking Jake more than any one else! Haha! I don’t quite get all the hating on Vienna… but I also don’t get all his admiration. We’ve lost something in the editing here. Ali did go all Mean Girl, but I think again, that was editing. I still think she’s my top choice followed by Tenley. Although the out take of Tenley telling Jake she’s pregnant may be the nail in her coffin. Girls may think thats funny, but nearly all guys would beg to differ. But really… Jake is the one surprising me here. Some of his comments actually sounded unscripted.
Lincee… great blog again. Thanks for the Wednesday smiles (yes, I’m late!)
This is the worst bunch of girls EVER on the Bachelor….He’s 32 years old and the last remaining girls are 1 at 30 (Ella), 1 at 26 (Gia), 4 at 25 and 2 at 23(Corrie & Vienna)! Don’t get me wrong, when it’s true love or lust, age difference doesn’t matter. But like #127 said the producer just wants good show with out love in the end. Whatever.
Hello….eHarmony…..you need to call ABC. Smack them up side the head and tell them What the What? and that America wants a happy ending and you can help…..but don’t mess with the drama….we like that!
#129 KeelyG — Now that would be interesting! Have eHarmony become the official sponsor of the Bachelor/ette. When they pick the star, have them fill out one of the questionnaires and match them scientifically. I would be curious to see what the results would look like.
#126 – that’s it! all those people were cast-offs from previous seasons! because who in their right mind would pay to hear those terrible jokes?
*******
I really don’t get all the super young women on these shows… I’m down with young marriage (most of the time)… if you’re in love and you know you’re going to get married, might as well do it. But I don’t get the “husband-hunting” at such a young age. the whole, “i’m done being single, i’m ready to settle down!” bit at the age of 25.
I wish I could gather all those young women in a room and tell them, “there’s a whole world out there! If you don’t like your life now, getting married probably isn’t going to fix it. find the things that make you happy – don’t wait for someone else to make you happy”. okay, done being serious now.
oh, and #129/130 – i LOVE the idea of eHarmony sponsoring the bachelor… I did the whole online dating bit for a while, and you can still find enough drama that way.
Love you Lincee. And all you Beaners are as much fun to read as the recap itself.
Am I the only one who worried that when Vienna jumped off that bridge, that her ta-ta’s might come out? She had on that white tank top type shirt….certainly not something I’d want to wear bungee jumping! I just KNEW we were going to have a wardrobe malfunction.
GOT IT…. Figured out who Gia keeps reminding me of.
Slap about 30 years onto Gia and stick her into a frothy dress, and she looks exactly like “Koochie Koochie!” actress Charro – http://img463.imageshack.us/img463/4196/charotn1.jpg
#129- I hate to admit it, but if this was a lovey dovey show about finding true love, I wouldn’t watch. I like the drama and I like that all the girls make me constantly want to pull my hair out. Others might watch, but I know I wouldn’t. I like the Bachelor slightly crazy and always wondering what’s going to happen.
Thank you Kendall!!! Those lips are TOTALLY Charro.
To Lincee,
I love your blog. There are no better words than just that. For me to repeat all of my favorite parts of your blog, I would have to “copy & paste” the whole thing… So, I decided to give you my Top Three:
3. The bungee guys run out for some taquitos…
2. I’m on cloud Jake!
and my favorite –
1. Per direction of the ABC Psychotherapist, Jake speaks slowly and quietly as not to wake the other demons.
To my Co-Beaners,
No worries over who Jake was kissing when he opened his eyes and looked over to the director. He did it at least twice last night, once each with different girls. He was saying “Did I do that right? How do my abs look in this lighting?” with his eyes.
And yes, he has the sheepish/boyish/goofy grin after each kiss. I am not sure if he is new at all this kissing stuff and loves doing it (which in turn explains why he wanted to get rid of Elizabeth-Don’t-Kiss-Me-But-We-Can-Do-It-If You-Want ~ with all the romance of Pretty Woman)… or if he is learning that he likes being watched…
The Editor must have missed cutting the Director out of that one shot. Afterall, I am sure that they have ALL their Staffers being filmed now (just in case it could ACTUALLY make better ratings).
And finally, yes, Ethan’s new airplane is from the Dollar Tree because the show now has to save up for legal fees.
PS – I am wearing Chocolate and Vanilla with sparkles.
Love that comment about filming all the staffers…just in case!! Very true…who knows what we will see. Speaking of, did anyone catch the shot of Ali’s nipple when she was laying in her white bikini??
#134 – Rachel – I’m not saying I want the lovey dovey junk. Keep the show the same (wild hot tubs, yelling matches and ab shows) but get some girls in there that they AT LEAST have some common interests so EVERY conversation with Jake isn’t .…lets all say it together..”I’m here for the right reasons”!! Or confessions of a prior divorce. OMG, how many girls this season are divorced? How many have kids??
Then when it’s down to the end maybe someone goes home with a ring…maybe not….but maybe a year from the final we can see a wedding. I want to see the Trista and Ryan phenomenom and it doesn’t have to be AT the final rose. So many reality “stars” go down in flames and just want to see a happy ending…that’s all…
I’ll step off the soapbox now……
#65: How about a drink every time they say “that being said”. Or a reference to marrying his “best friend”.
Tell you what. How about we fast forward to the part where Jake picks one of the girls and lives happily ever after. THEN we can watch Bachelor Pad! Can they announce the people in the house already? This is going to be fabulous. I’m going to call it my “don’t call me between the hours of ?-? unless it’s a commercial break and you want to squeal over how AWFUL so-and-so is and oh no she di’it”. I’m going to keep a bottle of champagne on reserve and sip on a glass while watching it. THAT’s how excited I am for this upcoming series. I am hoping and praying that nutjob Michelle is on, but not I might want Wonky Cans to be on because she’s so clueless and CLEARLY loves herself so much. Deeeee-lightful!
Bunny boiler alert ^
For any people who still want to know more about Reid from Jillian’s season, here’s a new radio interview with him. He comes across being very real and funny, but also says he has a girlfriend now.
http://www.943thepoint.com/pages/4889010.php
Hillarious, your best work yet – and i have been reading your blog for a long time! The mean girls refernces were awesome and so perfect, it made me laugh outloud, but your blog always does. The top ten for Ella’s date was perfect way to sum up a predictable boring date — i love that you noticed the hair thing and the interchaning outfits, what the hell was that, some seriously bad editing!
I am under the impression he chooses no one in the end as well, getting that vibe since last week!
Btw, i actually saw Jake in a restaurant we frequent here in Dallas. I didn’t know he was going to be the next bachelor or i would have made him take a picture with me. He was only the “Jillian reject” at the time. He actually was even better looking in person! My husband thinks he is gay becasue he was eating dinner with another guy when we saw him in a pretty “date type” restaurant! HA! My husband just can deal with how much i love this show!
PS. So did you win the blog award contest? I voted for you!
They actually cancelled the blog award contest due to not having a big enough server to account for the votes, or something to that effect. What the what? Weird.
Just saw Michelle on Ellen today. She had her meds right today and everything was very pleasant.
On the Ella date issue–apparently Roz’s baby daddy wouldn’t sign off consent for having the kid on TV so it wasn’t due to her elimination that Ella was on the “plus one half” date.
on the first episode this season, did ali say she was living with both her boyfriend and a female roommate and he snuck in the roommate’s room and cheated on ali. was Ali’s boyfriend living with them?
Just saw Michelle on Ellen too. It’s amazing to me how all this girls come across SO MUCH BETTER in interviews afterwards when they are not on the show. I noticed it when I watched the first “Diaries of the Departed”. During the first episode we were only shown the post-interviews of the girls who cried. The video that came out afterwards showing all the other girls made them seem so cool. Not like the women on TV at all!!
#147: kudos to Roz’s baby daddy for refusing to exploit his child.
Does anyone have a link to Michelle on Ellen’s show today? I can’t seem to find it on YouTube. Thanks so much. Also, you guys are soooo funny. I crack up when I read these comments.
Someone may have already said this but has anyone noticed that when he goes to hand out a rose the name must be written on the rose and it’s like he forgets who he is picking and always has to look at it? 2 weeks ago it must have been inside the rose because he kept kind of opening it. Last week it must have been written on the stem becuase he kept looking for it there. I just find this odd.
**Webman- you may want to remove comments 138and 139- spoiler info included in those.
Leecee, there is a spoiler page you can make those comments on.
I propose the drinking game be to the phrase “here for the right reasons.” Then comment on Lincee’s blog and we’ll all be laughing a WHOLE lot!!!
So what about the fact that in the commercial Tenley says “I am pregnant”….where was that in the show???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rsve4I62syw link to ellen show interview w/michelle
#155 pineapple – They left that scene out, probably because they got enough attention out of it all week thrpough the previews. Anyway, the deleted scene is on youtube, and about 5 seconds after she says “I’m pregnant” she laughs and says “I’m just kidding”.
#152: Every couple of roses he goes back into the deliberation room to get the names of the next few girls
And the girls are told to stand there and keep looking forward while the cameras are rolling…and this, ladies and gents, is where they get those “eye-rolling” irritated, disgusted looks that they use after the other girls’ get their roses….because the girls get sick of waiting there so long in silence – they are constantly yelling: “no talking! Keep your eyes forward!”
************** NO SPOILERS PLEASE!!!!!!!! *******************
Bread makes you poop.
Michelle on Ellen: She was still crazy. Even though she seemed even-keeled, she was still saying she thought if she got one on one time with Jake that things would have been different. Uh – NOT! He still would have seen you for the desperate stalker that you were. She’s delusional.
Great blog Lincee. Poor Jake. He just needs a nice Texas girl, maybe one with money who went to Southern Methodist and was in a sorority. None of these girls are anywhere near the mark, most of them have a kid(s), a previous marriage(s), psych issues or other baggage. It’s not fair to Jake, he is looking very stressed, the lines on his face are definitely deeper. Jake deserves better and ABC is playing games, this group seems totally unappropriate for Jake, with allowances for editing. Did you see the Regis Philbin recap the next day of the Jake/Michelle kiss debacle, and Evil Regis (or “Revil”) pops up in a red devil costume on Jake’s shoulder and warns him “run, Jake run as fast as you can!”.
SERIOUSLY people, STOP with the spoilers. You ruin it for all of us who don’t want to know! There is a spoiler thread that Lincee created just for spoilers. please, please, PLEASE use it!
I give up. I’m not reading the comments on Lincee’s blog anymore. and that makes me super sad.
WebMAN – can you please remove #159?
Spoilers post link: http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/2010/01/05/bachelor-jake-spoilers-here/
NO MARUS YOU CAN’T GO… wait..do i sound like a stalker now!?!? lol
Well….i guess i have allegedly read the most major spoiler anyway (it’s possible it’s not true)….
Maybe we should just keep posting the spoilers link every 5 comments… so people can’t miss it
KeelyG- I totally agree then! If it ends in “true love,” I’m cool with that, but I love the Michelle’s along the way. However, it would be nice for the Bachelor if they had a few good ones.
Marus- It is awful that people can’t stop posting crap here, and some of them seem really intentional like #159. Hopefully, they are wrong and just Reality Steve drones, who was wrong this past week btw. So here’s to hoping that whatever garbage is leaked is just that- garbage.
Did anyone see Jake on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight? Hilarious!!!!
I totally respect Jake more after this episode. There really doesn’t seem to be a good match for him in this batch..I just hope he’s enjoying himself more than it looks like he is!
Lincee..I seem to remember you promising a post about a cousin or someone who lost lots of weight in a short amount of time..I need to know how please!!! Keep up the awesome work
I get that Elizabeth was being overly flirtacious with Jake after telling her him that he does not want him to kiss her until she is the last one standing, but… maybe the reason why she kept mentioning how much she wants to kiss him was so he’d know that she was into him. Otherwise, she’d get the whole “are you here for the right reasons?” shpeal. I mean, how is she supposed to show him that she likes him if she’s not kissing him when everyone else is? She flirts, I guess.
WEBMAN, is it possible to block/drop the commentors who give spoilers on here? That way they would not have the opportunity to do it again…?
Someone besides me – anyone – that does like the lovey dovey stuff? Can’t we have a little?! (Sigh.) Afterall, someone is buying The Notebook and stuff like that, right? I don’t mind a few train wrecks on the way. After all in real life (not reality tv life) we girls are suckers for a few little romantic comments, they will carry you a long way guys!
#171, A little flirting would be fine…what Jake said during the show was that Elizabeth was making it sound like spiritual convictions like kissing was important with someone you care about. Then she talks “raunchy” at the comedy club and is constantly touching him and asking him if he wants to kiss her. She made it about the physical aspect, Jake did not, bless her heart.
She didn’t even get it. At all. Her boo-hooing about how she DESERVES the best and she can HAVE a date any day of the week, and she’s held out on marriage this long is HER choice… pretty unattractive. Someone at the beginning said she’s a super nice girl, and if so, it sucks that she got a bad edit, because she came across as a tease, cocky, and not that smart. Plus, what was UP with her half-bleeped description of some guy’s johnson? Seriously? I’m not even going to make jokes with my bf or a guy I’m dating about other men… let alone how huge it was or was not. Wow.
@#144- thanks for the heads up on the radio interview with Reid – I found it pretty funny that the radio station’s website spelled his name wrong, though!
@#169 yes, very funny appearance by Jake on Jimmy Kimmel! After seeing him on all of these talk shows, being seemingly negative about the outcome of the show, I’m wondering if he really didn’t pick anyone, or if the show told him to act like he didn’t pick anyone so there would be more suspense this season…
btw, whoever thought they heard Jake tell Valisha “give a whole lot of love to your kids for me” as she was leaving — I just watched the episode again (instead of paying my bills!) and that is exactly what he said — certainly won’t miss her, since we didn’t see one minute of her — and I’m still trying to figure out how Jessie (what is with that hair?!) and Katherine are still around – I guess he had too many roses to give out, so just had to give the extras to the least offensive/most invisible girls…
I think the drinking game phrase should be any version of “see if we have a connection.”
#173 – My Awesomeness…you are not alone. I’m a huge sap! In the inside…working on showing more on the outside….and I LOVE THE NOTEBOOK!!! NOAH! Swoon! LOL
#173- I LOVE love stories too. LIke the Notebook, etc. However, I guess I just don’t buy into the date 25 women for what is it- 8 weeks? to find your true love. I prefer the more traditional route. So I suppose I don’t believe THIS process really works, so I’d rather get entertainment out of it, than hope for a “love” story. You know- with the success rate of the show and all.
#171- I think Elizabeth would have come across better to Jake if she said she didn’t want to kiss him while there were so many girls in the picture- and stuck by it. Instead, she just kept saying “You want to kiss me…I want to kiss you….but we can’t!” She just kept throwing it in his face that he couldn’t kiss her. She could have shown she liked him by acting interested and telling him that she likes him. I honestly think Jake would have respected her wishes and not sent her packing for withholding the kiss- unlike some of the other bachelors.
#179 Rachel – That’s exactly it. She used it as a game and ploy to play hard to get (she actually said she was playing hard to get if I remember correctly in that episode when she did that). If you are going to play a tease, be prepared for it not to work on all suckas. LOL
Leslie yes I agree with you that Jessie looks like Mary ann from Gilligan’s Island and Alli looks like what’s her name from the City (I think her name is Erin – Olivia’s boss).
I kinda think part of the editing is to MAKE Ali look like the mean girl. She’s still my front runner, although, I think Tenley is just annoyingly cute enough to be a good match for Jake.
I love the e-harmony idea! I think there could be some good matches with some crazy to them. I mean, it can only work if you’re honest in filling out the profile, right? So I’m sure there would be people who fill it out for who they would like to be instead of who they are. And if you had a room of 25 girls who were all “perfect” matches for the bachelor, there would probably be a lot that had similar qualities. Which would mean they would grate on each other more and it would make it more difficult for the bachelor to choose because it would mean he might send the wrong girl home. It could actually make for MORE drama. And if not, I love a good love story. Way back when, with Trista and Ryan, I remember fearing she would pick Charlie because she seemed that she was actually into him too. It had that actual suspense. Fliess should know that if we don’t actually care about the outcome, why would we watch the show? He should want to create a show where we’re cheering on the bachelor to find true love. Even if it is a crazy setting for such a thing. And though I don’t think dating 25 women is the way to go, I know of couples who went on 2 dates before they got engaged. One has been married for over 30 years. It can happen and this show needs to play on that possibility more.
I think there should be an obese or deformed people version of this show. Of course, ugly people usually have too much pride to do a show like this. It takes a phenomenally shallow personality.
Mission Accomplished Condi!
Thanks for all the recaps – this season and last. You are one of the reasons I keep watching…and if you keep posting, I’ll be tuning in to the Bachelor Pad.
I thought the best last night was at the cocktail party when Ali went right up to Vienna and told her crap and then added something like “I just wanted to tell you how we all feel so that you don’t think we are talking behind your back”
I still like her – even with all her bossiness.
And Jake is impressing me more – especially after he sent shallow, entitled, flirty (yet drop-dead gorgeous) Elizabeth home
#173 and #178 aka hopeful romantics..
This is not meant to be a spoiler as I don’t know anything. I just feel this flatlining season is going to get some major heartbeats going by the time we’re done. Jake is a pretty good actor—the beginning of Jimmy Kimmel in the fake rose ceremony he was great. So hang in there with me..
I definitely wouldn’t mind a fairy tale romancey season… granted the fairy tale romance seasons we’ve had haven’t always worked out the best in the long run, but I’m a sap, and I like that sort of stuff. I like to get caught up in believing the that you can fall in love in 6 weeks and totally be ready to marry that person.
but the eharmony idea is good too! hasn’t worked for me, but I know people.
#183- they did have a fat person version of the show… it was called More to Love. It was on Fox this summer. It was not good.
Jake cried like a little baby during his jump!
I just gotta say, if you need to know what relief looks like, it’s Jake’s face when Michelle told him she needed to leave. I actually paused it and came right over here to see if Lincee noted that.
You used to be able to click on ‘spoilers’ under categories on the right. It’s not there now. So to find the spoiler thread (unless someone has recently posted), you have to scroll thru the responses to find where someone has posted it.
Assuming that’s too much trouble for people who are posting spoilers on this thread. Not much spoiler news, as Reality Steve was proven wrong last week! Love it.
It would be great, webMAN, if you could get that spoiler thread posted under categories again.
Enjoying all the comments, Lincee fans
When Michelle went on the group date that would be her last, all I could think was ‘she is wearing a Sky Top as seen on Real Housewives of Orange County!’
Saggleo, do you think she is sending subliminal signals that she is ready to be Slade Slimey’s next OC hookup?
#187, I posted it in comment 162. Here it is again for those who missed it: http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/2010/01/05/bachelor-jake-spoilers-here/
Or, anyone can click on “previous posts” until about 5 posts back and find it. My guess is that those posting spoilers are new and haven’t read through all the comments to see that many of those posting here and Lincee herself are not interested in reading them.
I agree that it would be much easier to link to the spoilers post on the right.
Maybe ABC could make a spin-off of the bachelor called, “Looking for Fame and Fortune”, instead of casting a bachelor they should cast a director or an executive producer…or would that be too much reality for reality tv??
Then we could have a reality show about finding love but with audience participation. We have a bach’ette, with her interview of what she is looking for and info about her then 25 men submit their profiles – complete with letters of reference, etc. ABC shows a short interview with each…and the audience gets to sleuth and vote people off each week. The bach’ette could have power of veto, etc. When they get to the finals the bach’ette has to agree to date them one on one, etc. What do you think? I’d vote!
Here’s a link to an interview Nanny Elizabeth did with her hometown newspaper..
http://www.waunetanebraska.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1437:exclusive-interview-elizabeth-kitt-reflects-on-her-experience-competing-for-the-bachelor&catid=25:local-news&Itemid=34
I think Jake finally “grew a pair” and is getting rid of people because he wants the show to be over. (Me, too!) I don’t see a winner in the bunch. And Jake is pretty much a loser, too. He can’t hold a conversation-”How many times can you say “Thanks for jumping off a bridge with me”? And he can’t kiss! What’s with the Kiss-smile-kiss-smile routine? The forego show is going to be so boring! Does anyone remember if he kissed Jillian? If so, did it last more than 2 seconds?
#192 I seem to remember Jake and Jill kissing a bunch on their first date. Then she branched out and Jake turned out to be too serious for her! I hope that Ed really is true blue. (Hopeless romantic, I know!)
I suspending reality and hoping that Tenley (The other girls do say that she has a heart of gold) or Ali (described by the other girls as the girl next door!) are the final one. I like Corrie too and they seem to be hiding her interaction with Jake, we have barely seen her. They did look awful cute at the photo shoot, with Jake picking her up.
Is it my imagination or does Gia always seem to be in a pose? She seems very mindful of the cameras…and holds herself in certain ways to attract attention and give herself more cleavage. (As if that is even possible!)
warning – elizabeth’s interview contains reference to a spoiler… at least i think it does…
but… it’s kind of a funny interview. she actually seems pretty cool and down to earth in it…
#188 – Austin-ite – I think I love you!!! LOL Slade makes my skin crawl!! Last night was great (too bad Lincee doesn’t blog about that show!) I don’t know if even I would wish him on Michelle! lol
#194 – Marus – haven’t listen to the interview yet, but maybe…just maybe she got some reflection when she saw how she was edited and toned it down?!?! Then again there is that editing bug…but they can only use what you give them! lol This is why I have decided to NEVER go on reality tv! I would be committed to a home in a heartbeat! LOL
Oh and you guys may want to email Webman about your suggestions for the spoiler section. Who knows if he’ll read these comments this far down.
Next week looks good – we get the storm off crashing through bit, and the burning of two roses!!! WOOOWHOOO! I’m sorry…is that mean? =)
saggleo… its not mean. its being excited for some quality entertainment. now that jersey shore is over, the bach is all i have left.
#195 – her interview didn’t feel so much like, “oh i got a bad edit” as it did, “i went on here for fun. i said some stuff and acted in a way that in hindsight was kind of silly. oh well. moving on”.
sure, it’s easy to damage control after it’s over. but i sort of believe her. and not just because she’s from the midwest.
you better than me heidi…I didn’t even bother checking in to jersey shore. I got enough trash tv on my list. LOL I think it’s messing with what brain cells i have left! lol Come to the Bravo Real Housewives side…we’ll accept ya! lol
191- Carried- thanks for posting that article. I really like Elizabeth now. She has a good sense of humor and def has a good head on her shoulders. I personally found her to be the prettiest in the house. Damn her for being a tease. She dug a hole she couldn’t get out of. I think it was probably best she was eliminated though. She might be a bit too much for Jake. I think he needs a sweet, non-sarcastic girl. Elizabeth seems a little too firecracker-ish for him.
Saggleo- Jersey Shore is a fist pumping good time. I vote Snooki to be the next bach’ette. That girl needs some help!
Rachel- I’ve heard rumors that Snooki is getting her own Bachelorette type show tentatively titled “Snookin for Love” I’m fairly certain it will be guidolicious and a fist pumpin good time!
Snookie makes me proud to be Irish.
Ali is B**** from what we have seen of her, geez. She started out nice then it went downhill pretty fast. I suppose I was so used to seeing a roomful of “potentials” with Jillian’s show that now it’s just really hard to pick someone to root for.
As for any of them being the next bachelorette??? GIVE ME A BREAK. They need someone new and fresh.
Coming late to the party this year — Can’t believe I just read 203 posts. I like Jake much better this season. He’s totally “old school” and will not choose a woman he cannot respect, which leaves slim pickins. I was on Team Ali until she regressed from “dollface” (as Jake calls her in his blog) to “schoolyard bully.” Yech. Speaking of which, you can read Jake’s weekly blog on each show plus interviews with Michelle and Roz at http://tvwatch.people.com/category/the-bachelor.
#92 Heather: I work as an extra in L.A. and am quite sure the audience at the comedy show was paid to be there. It’s standard practice in L.A. to recruit folks for TV shows and pay them $45 cash for their time.
I agree……….. I liked Ali initially. But the last episode she really czme across as a over jealous gal! She also totally reminds me of Jessica Simpson. Anyone else see it?
Apparently on the group date, Tenley’s opening line to Jake to break the ice (during her one-on-one time) was I’m pregnant but immediately said she was just kidding. So there……….I dont know why they showed that clip like 100 times before the episode and then we never saw what it was about.
Have you guys seen the commercials for tonights episode!?!?!?!?!
IT’S GONNA BE A BACHELORETTE BLOOD BATH!!!!! Considering the normal sappy commericals they have, what a fabulous commercial. I doubt it will live up to the commercial…but I’m looking forward to it.
Instead of Jake throwing the rose in the fire (like he does in the commercial)…he should have thrown it on the ground in front of the girls and then stomped it out like a cigarette.
After reading Elizabeth’s first interview, I still love Ali…she’s just receiving bad editing. Don’t get me wrong, she obviously said what she did and taken out of context could seem very “bully” like. But I totally think she was just speaking what everyone else was thinking. You could tell by the looks on their faces and all their comments that they just do NOT like Vienna. Ali just put her in her place. WTG! As far as Vienna goes, she is so much prettier as a brunette…go back to your roots girlie!!
Tonights should be good, unless you’ve watched enough seasons by now to realize that the previews are always 100% better than the episode. But at least we have Lincee’s recap to look forward to
This should be good tonight. I personally believe that “roughing it” means you are in a hotel that doesn’t offer room service but at least I admit it. Jake strikes me as the “loves camping” kind of guy.
i’m using my mute button so i don’t have to hear gia laugh one more time….
Thanks for the tip Marus – I hadn’t paid attention until now. Where’s that remote? LOL
i hate to admit it… but jake is super cute with his hair all rumpled and messy…
He did NOT just use the lost in your eyes line? Thanks Jake now I have Debbie Gibson’s song in my head and will for the night.
And here comes the “it’s not you it’s me” “you’re a nice girl but” “anyone will be lucky to have you” speech
Did I miss anything he shoudl have added? My name is MaggieMay and I can be meeeeeaaaaan!! LOL
i swear that is not the first time he’s used that line… sooo cheesy!
OOOH OOOH OOOH I missed one!!!
Ditto!! see my above comments about how I can be mean.
those girls SHOULD look scared! Jakey is weeding them out like nobody’s business!
Once the Bachelor tells you “you’re amazing”, or “you have amazing qualities”, it means you’re going home.
LOL … this is a bad thing how this season???
You know what the worst part of this is… tomorrow when Lincee posts her recap I will be stuck at work and unable to access the site thanks to our new security settings!!
I can’t help but think about how Jake came back to warn Jillian about He Who Shall Not be Named, but he won’t listen to the girls warning him about Vienna. Having been on The Bachelorette, you’d think he’d get it…
#220 Shopgirl…I think he may be using her to see how the other chicks really are. I’m sorry but at some point you need to WORRY ABOUT YOUR DAMN BACKYARD! A person will drown themselves on their own…you don’t look any BETTER throwing them under teh bus…20 times! Case in point Jessie…she didn’t seem to get that much time with Jake and the time she did get…what does she do…chat about not liking someone. How about you try telling him more about YOU so he can see IF YOU OUT TOP HER THEN! ugh ugh ugh! That’s what’s annoying me about all of this. I’m so over this high school girl i don’t like her crap. Ali if you can talk all that big under your breathe …leave if he’s not for you if he’s into her …b/c there must be something if she’s still there, so but your money where your mouth is please!
Or oh I don’t know..work on your getting to know Jake more and him knowing you and blowing past the competition! Geez!
Ugh…ok I think I’m done!
Nice to see ya MaggieMay!
I read on EW tonight that I would be surprised who he sent home tonight. Since I only watch this show on the internet and I can’t see the episode until tomorrow, will someone please post it here? Who does he send home?
OMG!!!! Staying in an RV isn’t camping!!! Sleeping in a tent is camping. This episode is going to bug me.
Gia – “He and I’s first kiss was amazing!” Here we are with the grammar thing again…it really bugs me. Gia’s “lithp” tickles me too…I find mythelf thtarting to thalk like her…..
At the beginning of tonights episode, I really didn’t have a favorite…now – I don’t like ANY of them. Last season with Jillian – I liked all of the final 4 or 5 with the exception of Wes…now – eh, not so much. I am, however, liking Jake more and more. I think he really is “there for the right reasons.” He doesn’t seem to be such a horn dog like some of the Bachelors past. I think he seems like a genuine nice guy. Hopefully he will find some sweet cheesy girl one day that is right for him.
Spin the bottle… Really? What are we 15? man he is geektastic.
I’m going to get off the Gia bandwagon soon, because quite frankly – I like her much more than many of the others…..with that said: What in the world was she doing in that vineyard hanging onto him like a monkey!?? I didn’t know whether to laugh or hide? I can’t wait to read Lincee’s recap tomorrow…I’m sure I’ll be peeing my pants!!!
#225 – Lorraine: Spin the bottle was hard to watch too….how awkward..how 7th grade!!! She seems nice and all, but it was just an odd date…and it seemed a little forced to me.
I would have required more than one bottle of wine to agree to play spin the bottle on a date.
One on one time with Ashley super awkward.
now i hope he picks no one. He’s 31. Gia is the oldest and she’s only 26 (and he’s not going to pick her – she’s too city girl, i think); Ali and Tenley are 25; and Corrie and Vienna are 23.
Ages aside… they are all so YOUNG….
If he picks anyone at this point… i hope it’s Tenley… they were kind of cute together….
#222 – Mari – He sent home Ella and Kathryn from the 2 on 2 date, and Ashleigh and Jessie at the Rose Ceremony. You will enjoy the “dramatics” i’m sure when you finally get to see it. The mumbling under breathe comments after the rose ceremony is annoying and hilarious all at once.
I’m with you Alicia..I don’t like any of them for Jake honestly.
What is it with these girls, and the baby talk? I don’t get it. I know we have men that post here, so fill us in. Does the high pitch baby talk work? It really bugs.
#231 – saggleo: thanks for the response! I appreciate it. Can’t wait to watch the DRAMA!
absolutely love the title of this post! i also was like *blink blink* when she said those words.
your recap is awesome. i love the spin(s) you put on things. and the scary thing is….. you were right on w/ Michelle (i’m embarrassed to share her name!). all that you wrote, she actually said.
wow.
is anyone else wondering about valisha and how she is a homemaker? i would think most single moms would need to work outside of the home. and how many kids does she have? and why haven’t we talked about that…. i mean, ethan got to go on the show. that’s all we’ve heard from ella.
thought that was pretty odd.
also, lincee, i’m wondering about the whole drama, too. ABC must be editing a whole lot out. b/c yeah, i am missing on how vienna is just SO awful.
loved this recap!
i just hate i’m a week behind…..
Great recap! I love to hear people’s opinions on the girls, especially Elizabeth. I grew up with her. It’s VERY weird to watch her on the show, but makes it so much more fun to watch! Our hometown newspaper interviewed her after she was eliminated, quite interesting.
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