Before I begin the recap, I’d like to give a shout out to Jessica. This sweet girl tracked me down at a party on Saturday night, proceeded to gush about how awesome I am and then asked for a picture.
I have her fooled ladies and gentlemen! GO ME!
I’d also like to give a great big kudos to the guys in the comment section. I love every reader equally, but it’s always fun to hear what the dudes have to say.
And it’s also fun to know that guys actually read this stuff. GO DUDES!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover Christmas candy or have a Bikram Yoga instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
ABC asked me to thank their opening montage sponsor, Victoria’s Secret, for providing kicky little jump suits for our remaining nine girls. They all gather around Our Host Chris Harrison wearing their bright spring colors…no two alike. Ali called dibs on the yellow one and then she convinced Jessie that teal green – the color of gangrene – was the hot color for 010. When Ella was told that black was not an option, she chose orange for her Tennessee roots. Tenley picked the pink one and was super excited that Corrie chose purple because that is her favorite person wearing her second favorite color! YEAH! Ashleigh was given the blue one, which she immediately had the ABC intern cut her bottoms into shorty shorts. Gia didn’t care which color she wore because she knows that her iridescent Jimmy Choos will go with anything. She was given red because she is a firecracker from New York. Poor Kathryn was left out because everyone forgot she existed. No one wore vanilla in honor of Elizabeth.
Our Host tells the remaining girls that the game is about to change. Nothing is going to be the same again. ABC is taking this reality show to new levels. We are going in a direction we’ve never gone before. Get ready for some serious news…
ROAD TRIP!
Good Lord. Perhaps I was in a very bad mood, but the screeching that went on and on and on during this part was painfully annoying to me. PAINFUL I SAY! I understand that you have been sharing living quarters with people you don’t really care for. I understand that you’ve been at this loaded mansion for 12 days. And yes…road trips are fun! But the screeching and the hugging and the “dibbing” has got to stop. And why did Ali fold herself to get in the luggage portion of the RV? One can only assume that she made a bet with Corrie that she could fit inside. Loser had to remind Jake that Vienna is a skank.
Our Host Chris Harrison reveals to the ladies that they are going to road trip up the coast of California and the pimped out RVs will be their new homes for the next couple of days. Ella is excited because she’s from Tennessee and apparently, people there all live in RVs. Gia on the other hand has never stepped Manolo Blahnik in one of these contraptions and is praying that it has a shower.
Our Host gives the girls one hour to pack and then separates the cool kids from the rejects into two different buses. Vienna, Gia, Ashleigh and Corrie are in the reject bus. Little does Vienna know that Ali sent Corrie on that bus to spy on The Enemy. Each bus begins with a champagne toast and WE ARE OFF!
Sadly, ABC was not able to obtain the rights to “Life is a Highway.” We were forced to watch Jake driving winding roads on his hog, while normal music played in the background, as he symbolically laments that he’s come so far already on his journey and how it seems like yesterday there were 25 girls. He stops at a vineyard and sets up his University of Texas tent in the middle of acres and acres of grapes. He can’t think of any other place to fall in love.
Meanwhile in the cool RV, Ali clears her throat so her minions will pay attention to her. She wonders aloud who will be the sad, sad girls on the dreaded two-on-one date? Immediately, the other girls guess that it will be Ali and Vienna. Ali says that she will take one for the team if she has a two-on-one with Vienna and the gauntlet will be dropped. Vienna is going down. The girls take the petals from their previous rose ceremonies and sprinkle them on the ground wherever Ali’s feet touch.
The RVs roll up in the vineyard and Jake is standing under a tree in his flannel shirt holding an axe.
Sort of reminded me of this moment at the 2:20 mark.
Or maybe I’m going through a Josh Duhamal phase. So sue me.
So there Jake is…looking all rugged and manly in his checkerboard flannel.
Jake: “Ladies! Welcome to the vineyard. Camping is a huge part of my life and I want to make sure you guys are okay with being outdoors.”
Gia: “What’s that smell?”
Ella: “It’s called fresh air.”
Jake to Vienna: “Do you like camping?”
Vienna: “We’ve talked about this before. See? Look here on page 47 of my diary. You asked me if I liked camping and I made a joke and said ‘Only if it’s at the Four Seasons’ and you looked at me funny because you don’t understand humor, sarcasm or wit so I changed my tune and answered yes. Is that our orange tent up there on the hill?”
Ali’s mouth drops open to rip Vienna a new one, but then she remembers that Jake is standing there. She opts for a shocked/hurt look instead. Tenley feels the comment was inappropriate and awkward. Vienna is clueless there has been a reaction.
Jake hem-haws around and lamely answers:
Jake: “Heh, heh. No. That tent is mine. And I’ve got to mosey back up there to get ready for my first one-on-one date. Here’s the card. I’m going to get on my bike and drive away. Please don’t read it until I leave because my heart can’t handle seeing disappointment in anyone’s eyes.”
It was at this moment that I thought Jake looked REALLY tired and sort of done with this process. I don’t think he is in to any of these girls and just wishes he could go home.
One-On-One Date
Gia
Under the Stars and Over the Moon
Gia is so excited that she gets a one-on-one date. She has no idea what to wear and has never gotten ready in such a short amount of time.
Jake, however, knows exactly what to do. Shave by the light of sunset using a pocket knife and tiny little mirror the makeup girl had in her pocket. He’s rugged. He’s manly.
The cool click thinks that Jake is a good ole’ southern boy who won’t have anything in common with a New Yorker. Gia is wearing stilettos for crying out loud. IN THE WOODS. She doesn’t know how to put a helmet on for goodness sakes. Clearly, this is a massive waste of time.
Ashleigh: “Do you think she’s coming back?”
Jessie: “If she doesn’t fall off the bike.”
Ali: “That’s good. Write that in the burn book.”
Now before this date, I was acutely aware that Gia was…what…19-years-old or something? A quick check on ABC.com tells me that she is 23-years-old. Guess what. SAME THING! With that said, I guess we were never given the opportunity before this date to witness Gia’s toddler tendencies.
What are toddler tendencies? I’m glad you asked.
Gia suggests they play hide-and-go-seek in the vineyard. And then she hides maybe four rows down from Jake. He simply crouches down and looks for her legs. Within minutes, he “finds” her and she is eck-static. Giggling like a little girl.
She jumps into his arms and wraps her legs around his waist. Very Jillian/Jason of her. But then, she doesn’t let go. Jake literally carries her on his hip like a toddler. And she loves it and doesn’t appear to feel awkward at all. One can assume that he is schlepping her around because she ditched the Christian Louboutin’s for bare feet for the impromptu “find-me-five-feet-away” game.
Jake carries his load to the picnic area, drops her and then catches his breath. Gia thanks Jake that he broughten her here. She talks about being a nerd at her high school and how her book bags and shoes were always stolen.
Jake: “I thought you were the drop dead gorgeous girl on the cheerleader squad.”
Gia: “Oh no. Not me. I would have been eck-static to be that, but I wasn’t.”
Jake: “In 9th grade, I was called Mr. Dateless.”
Gia: “Why?”
Jake looking concerned: “Beeeeeeccccaaaauuuuussse…I didn’t date. My first kiss was 11th grade.”
Lincee: Nice segue Jake. Less talking would be great for all of us watching here at home. Good call Captain.
Gia: “My first kiss was spin the bottle. It was awful.”
Jake: “I bet we could polish off one of these 17 bottles of wine and spin it on that cutting board over there. What do you say?”
Gia is game. She goes over the rules of spin the bottle which are unflinchingly rigid.
Gia: “First time is the cheek. Then lips. Then all the way.”
Suddenly, weird sultry Mexican telenovela music begins to play. The bottle is spun. Cheeks are kissed. Lips are kissed. Then Jake gives Gia his best sultry look and goes in for the kiss. She rubs his neck and then he hides his face. Gia said it was the best kiss of her life.
After making out, Gia jumps on Jake’s back because heaven forbid if her feet touch filthy things like grass and leaves. He wants to make sure she is comfortable with messy sticky things like hot dogs and s’mores.
I’m telling you. I’d be perfect for this guy. Hot dogs are my life. And s’mores. Had he whipped out a packet of gummy bears and a Dr Pepper, I would have proposed right then and there.
At the camp site, Jake says he needs to start the fire. Bless Gia’s heart. She asks if he knows how. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she thought he would be rubbing two sticks together verses the lighter fluid and match option he chose to take.
She talks about the stars and how she never sees them in New York. She says it’s the most romantic thing she’s ever done. Jake explains that this is his life and wonders if she could be a part of it.
Gia: “Of course. I picture us getting engaged. I want to be engaged for a while. I have no problem with coming to Texas. Do they have designer shoes there? Would I have to ride a horse to the general store? I’ve never met a person from Mexico. Will I have to learn Spanish? Because that might take a while and I want three kids before I’m 30.”
Jake: “Gee Gia. If I do the math, that would mean that we would have to get married this year and start having babies next year.”
Gia: “Exactly. Thank goodness I’m only 23-years-old. You couldn’t do that with the other girls here. Especially Vienna. She’s a bimbo. By the way, I also want a baby girl from China. It’s important for kids to have that, you know? Someone to want them? Oh. And I want a pig. A pot belly one. But the China kid first. Wait! What is that? Is that a coyote? Are we going to be eaten by bears? Should we go in the tent and get a little more comfortable? Will you get on all fours like a horse and let me ride you to the tent? I need to practice. Seriously? Is that a wild animal?”
Sadly, it was just Tenley howling at the dynamic duo up on the hill. Jake laughs and tells Gia that she is refreshing. Then “Wings of Love—The Instrumental Arrangement” is played in the background.
Lord give me the strength to get through this show.
Group Date
Jessie
Ashleigh
Tenley
Ali
Corrie
Vienna
Jake takes the lead on his hog and is followed by the two RVs as they caravan down to Pismo Beach. He rides through the seagulls in his big Marvin the Martian helmet and thinks about how he wishes he was anywhere but here.
Vienna is excited to see Jake. Ashleigh is tired and wants to sit down. Tenley reads off the piece of paper Ali gave her and asks, “If Vienna gets a rose, what would you do?” Ali says she would throw up.
The girls on the date have obviously been told to wear bright colorful tops because the sand can look dreary on-screen. Jake tells them that they should be prepared to get dirty. He wants to see who isn’t afraid to just have fun.
Is it me? Or has he said this sentence 12 times already?
Ali takes charge and says that she will be driving a dune buggy. Jake says that he will be driving the blue one because blue is for boys. Ali then changes her tune and calls shot gun with Jake and then embraces him in a hug.
Ali: “You snooze. You lose. Simple shot gun rules.”
Corrie: “But you just said that you wanted to drive?”
Ali: “Corrie! What did you say?”
Corrie: “You look so pretty in that bright yellow tee!”
Vienna to the camera: “Whatever. Ali can have her 30 minutes of fun on a dune buggy, because I’m going to marry him.”
Corrie and Ashleigh drive off like maniacs. This turns our Bachelor on. Jessie’s driving is timid and this turns our Bachelor off. Jessie and Vienna get stuck in the sand and Jake comes to save the day by physically lifting the car up and over. This turns Vienna on. Jake tackles Tenley and rolls down the sandy embankment head over heels in what appeared to be a good idea and first that quickly went awry. Tenley laughs and spits sand out for the next 10 minutes.
Jake: “There isn’t anything I can find that is NOT positive about Tenley. It’s so refreshing.”
Jake takes them to a fruit and wine picnic in the sand. They toast. They eat. They feed each other. He asks if anyone would like to go roll in the sand. Ironically, Vienna did not jump at the chance to go “roll in the sand” with Jake. I think she was daydreaming about her dog. And poor Ali was waiting for someone in her army to suggest she go roll with Jake.
But Corrie took matters into her own hands and volunteered herself.
And then the weirdness comes. They literally roll down the sandy hill together. Call me crazy, but I thought that Jake was being funny. I’m sure Corrie did too, but she wasn’t about to pass up the chance to bounce down a hill hip to hip with her fake man. Who cares if a few grains found their way to crevices that were already chaffing? It was worth it! But let the record show that it did not look fun.
Also, Jake was panting. Again. I think he might have heart problems.
Jake tells the group that he loves dirty girls, but it’s time to go get dressed for dinner. They head to a place called The Inn that is sort of like the Magic Time Machine restaurant with themed rooms.
For some reason, the screeching happens again. Why? Why do we have to screech? It’s a theme room. This is such an un-screech moment I think.
Sometimes I hear the screeching in my sleep. Help me.
The girls go from room to room. Ali calls first shower. No one flinches. They don’t even complain when she used up all the hot water. They change into their tiny black cocktail dresses. Poor Jake just wore his favorite white tee from the Gap. From the looks of the bags under his eyes, he has either just had an allergy attack or is extremely tired. But he presses through, knowing that he wants alone time with each and every girl.
First up is Ashleigh’s butt. Clearly, Gary the Camera Guy had to find creative ways to shoot this moment because there were literally crickets chirping in this room. She plays with his zipper. He smiles. She places her hands on his knee. He switches positions. She flings her legs over his lap. The ABC editing department places a modesty blur patch over her nether regions, but that’s neither here nor there. She tells the camera that she will not come across desperate.
Jake: “Ashleigh is smoking hot. I just don’t feel there is any chemistry with her. I’m not progressing and I’m trying to.”
Jake heartlessly hugs Ashleigh and they head back to the dinner table.
Next in line is Vienna, but she opts out and asks to go last in the one-on-one time. Jake looks like he could care less and is so over the drama. Ali jumps at the chance to take down her prey in a weak moment.
Ali and Jake go to another themed room where Jake immediately gets as horizontal as he can while still remaining somewhat seated. He smiles and looks concerned in all the right places as Ali breaks down the details for him.
Ali: “Ok. The way I see it, you have given Gia a rose, someone will get a rose tonight and tomorrow. Then you will have three left. THREE LEFT JAKE. I can totally help you figure this out if you just ask me. But more importantly, what are you going to do?”
Jake: “I’m going to concentrate on this moment.”
Ali gets a clue and decides to shut up for once. They sit side-by-side in silence for about two minutes before Jake falls asleep and the ABC intern finds Ali taking advantage of him.
Refreshed from his nap, Jake takes Tenley to be alone. He wants to find out where her heart is and if she is over her ex-husband.
Tenley, the Mother of the group, has placed Jake’s head in her lap and is running her fingers through his hair as she talks about having never dated since her divorce. She wants to know how Jake feels and if this makes him nervous.
Jake: “My head is in your crotch and my nose is mere inches away from your boob. I’m feeling pretty good right now. Just wondering if you have your whole heart to give?”
Tenley: “Why does your heart tell you Jake?”
He leans up. They kiss. And then they turn into Disney animated characters.
Next up would have been Jessie, but bless her heart, ABC continued to edit her to death. Poor Jessie.
And I’m assuming there was enough alone time footage with Corrie at the sand dunes, so her time was cut as well.
That leaves Vienna. She chose to be last so she can be the last person he kisses. Unbeknownst to her, he wasn’t planning on kissing this little vixen tonight because he’s getting some pretty significant red flags waving in his face. By this point, Jake is using toothpicks to hold up his eyes.
Tread carefully Vienna. Don’t do anything stupid.
Vienna: “This waiting around is making me tired. I want to have you to myself already. I don’t know why these other girls are here. They always give me such a hard time.”
Jake: “And why do you think that is?”
Vienna: “Because I’m pretty. And they are jealous.”
Apparently, lack of total sleep brings the bitter honesty out in Jake.
Jake: “Do you think you could be bringing it on yourself? I mean, sometimes it’s best not to say anything. Keeping your mouth shut can be a blessing at times. Like right now. Do we have to talk? Let’s just sit quietly for a moment.”
Vienna: “Oh Jake. You are totally looking out for me. I think you are the bomb dot com for doing that. I will be careful what I say. I understand what you mean. It’s not right for me to flaunt our love in front of them. Let’s talk about something else instead of those mean old girls. Let’s talk about me!”
Jake admits that he is pumping the brakes with Vienna and that he is concerned.
Vienna and Jake return to the booth that the ABC intern has squished all nine women in. Jake says that he really wants to give the rose to someone who opened up and showed initiative. A quick camera cut to Corrie and Jake gives the rose to Tenley.
Corrie is upset that she didn’t get a rose. Does this mean that he likes Tenley more? (DING! DING! DING! Tell her what she wins Johnny!)
Ashleigh thinks Tenley talks too much and exudes way too much energy. She reaches for another Vodka shot, slams it and goes to bed.
Two-On-One Date
Ella
Kathryn
Big Things Happening in Big Sur
Ali continues to stir up drama and insists that everyone on the cool bus discuss how the two-on-one date is totally awkward and scary. She reminds Ella that you can’t connect when someone else is your third wheel. She encourages her to do whatever she has to to pull focus and seal the deal.
Kathryn: “Ali. I’m on this bus. I can hear you.”
Ali: “Whatever. No one knows your name. You are cellophane. He sees RIGHT THROUGH YOU. Like you’re going to win anyway.”
Jake meets the RVs in his best lumberjack getup. Tenley awkwardly tells them that she wants to say goodbye, but there’s a 50/50 chance they will be coming back so she won’t.
Ella rolls her eyes. Kathryn is still licking her wounds from the Ali scandal.
Jake takes his battery-0perated lantern and leads the two girls to a quiet dinner in his cabin. He encourages them to lay their hearts out in the open.
Now it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that both of these women are going home. Here are the facts: Jake looks like he’s about to hurl and there is zero chemistry between them. Z-E-R-O.
Not to mention, ABC did a fine job of scooping themselves by showing Jake throw a single rose in the camp fire as he was wearing the exact same lumberjack outfit during the “coming up” spots.
Ella dominates the conversation and tells Jake that she is passionate about her son. She wants someone who will influence him positively.
Kathryn thinks…
And Ella also wants someone who knows what it means to have family values.
But Kathryn interjects…
And Ella wants to laugh with her best friend for all the live long day.
Kathryn begins to get drunk.
Jake takes Ella away for some alone time. Jake tells Ella that he thinks Ethan is neat.
Ella: “I want you to see more than just the fact that I’m a mom. With me you get the whole package. I have so much to give. Ethan’s teddy bear. His favorite blanket. His favorite Transformer Optimus Prime. And I think you are the same way. It either goes or it doesn’t.”
Jake: “I feel like that with you, if I’m not absolutely sure, I don’t want to keep you from Ethan.”
Aaaaannnnnddddd Ella is done.
To be fair, Jake decides to have some alone time with Kathryn.
Jake: “I keep getting lost in your eyes. And I feel my spirits rise. And soar like the wind. Is it love that I am in? I need to figure that out.”
Kathryn: “Dude. You have been talking to Ella all night long. What is wrong with you? Rudeness! And what about all these other girls? HELLO! I’m here too! I’m tired of being looked through. We did a lot really fast and then really slow too. I’m not sure what that means, but you need to break this wall down buddy because I am angry.”
Jake takes a moment to stare at Ella and Kathryn from a distance, stalker style. He then asks Ella if he can see her outside. He swallows hard, tells her she is amazing and thanks her for being the complete package. Then he bids her adieu.
Ella smiles and encourages him to choose wisely among the remaining girls. She enters the limo and it cautiously moves away so Kathryn can’t hear the tires crunching in the leaves or see the headlights as Ella hits the road.
Jake goes back in and puts his hands in his head. Clearly, he’s gearing up for the second boot. He tells Kathryn that she is going to meet a great guy one day, but he is not that guy. He apologizes that she saw the limo drive away. The ABC intern radios for Caesar to come back and Jake puts Kathryn in the back seat with Ella. Was not awkward at all. Especially the part where Kathryn asks if Jake is sure about his decision after they had 30 whole minutes together in the last two weeks.
Kathryn says that he made a mistake and that she didn’t see that coming.
Ella said that it doesn’t make any since.
Tenley cries because she didn’t get to say goodbye.
Gary the Camera Guy watches Jake cry through the bushes. Sort of creepy, but whatever. Jake symbolically throws the rose in the fire to show that he has a burning desire to find his best friend/wife and no one can get in the way.
He looks, he ponders, he tosses. C’est la vie people.
Rose Ceremony
Everyone gets off the bus with hair and makeup done. They carry their shoes and fancy cocktail dresses in to the mansion and talk about how Vienna is going home.
Jake says that the moment he realizes that he can’t spend the next 60 years with this woman, she needs to go home. The camera cuts to Ashleigh.
Ali: “I think what you did last night was unbelievably honorable.”
Jake gives her puppy dog eyes.
Ali: “I am really falling for you.”
Jake: “You are?”
Ali: “Yeah. You told those girls where to stick it and that is hot. You are not playing games. You are here to win. I’m here to win. I never thought I could feel excited and petrified at the same time. So let’s kiss. BTW…Vienna is a beyotch.”
After they make out, Jessie decides that she is going to out Vienna because she hasn’t thrown her under the bus yet.
Low and behold, ABC decides to air this entire interchange. Not because Jessie is telling Jake new information that we haven’t heard, but the good folks over there decided that we all needed a flashback to the early 90s.
What she was wearing had to be a dare. I’m pretty sure it’s a first cousin of what I wore to the eight grade dance…green eye shadow and all. If Jessie had worn a black scrunchie in her hair, fingerless lace gloves and ankle boots, we would have been twins.
Jessie: “Jake. Hey. I’m Jessie. I want you to know that there is one person that I don’t feel that is for you. And her name is Vienna.”
Jake: “What do you see that I’m not aware of?”
Jessie: “Well, she’s self-centered and spoiled. She has to top everything. She’s crashed a million cars that her Daddy writes a check for. She has strong opinions. She carries a dog around like it’s a baby. Her extensions are beginning to smell a little bit. Should I go on?”
Jake: “No. That’s enough. I’m glad you are here and trying to be my friend.”
Jessie: “We are young Jake. Heart ache to heart ache…we stand. No promises. No demands. Love is a battle field.”
Our Host Chris Harrison leads Jake into the room to hand out his roses.
OHCH: “Whenever you are ready Jake.”
Jake: “I’M NOT READY CHRIS!”
Our Host raises and eyebrow and Jake apologizes.
Jake tells the girls that he liked seeing them dirty. He said that it’s hard because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He thanks them for putting their lives on hold and then he hands roses to Ali and Corrie.
Then Jake begins to hyperventilate. He asks for a minute and leaves with two roses and three girls standing.
All of the sudden, Gary the Camera Guy gets all “Blair Witch Project” on us and begins to run to catch up with Jake. It’s very shaky and confusing.
Or should I say…much like the “Blair Witch Project”…that is what we are supposed to believe.
Jake finds a girl wearing a darling hat (I’m in to hats) and demands that he see the great and powerful Oz. She radios for someone to find Chris Harrison stat. Our Host is cutting up with the intern when Jake runs up behind him.
Jake: “Chris. I need some advice.”
OHCH: “I’d re-think that tie man. Too busy for national television.”
Jake: “There are a couple of women…what would you do…and you KNOW that it should only be one girl…but there are two in my opinion…and I feel that my heart is on my sleeve…but wings of love says that I should lift them up in the sky…and I’m getting very itching because of the sand…so I don’t know…”
OHCH: “Dude. Calm down. You aren’t making sense. What are you asking? Are you hurt or are you injured?”
Jake: “Iwannaknowifihavetogiveouttworosesattonightsceremony?”
OHCH: “I respect that you are here to find a wife. The fact that you already sent two home this week speaks volumes. Just so we are clear, there are two girls in there who are not your wife and you only want to hand out one more rose?”
Jake: “Yes.”
OHCH: “We’re going to need you to sign that in blood on this document. There are colored tabs to help you. Here…let me prick your finger. Then I’ll prick mine and we’ll be blood brothers!”
Jake: “I’m not sure I like the idea of exchanging…”
OHCH: “I’m kidding. Lighten up Jake. Ladies! Pardon the interruption. These rose ceremonies are tough I know. Jake is here for one reason. And that’s to find a best friend who he later makes his wife. Every rose he hands out, he hands to a woman who might be said wife. Because of this, he’s asked me to take away one of his roses tonight. Which means, TWO of you will be going home. Are you certain Jake?”
Jake: “Yes sir.”
Our Host holds the rose over a candle flame so they can watch it BURN.
OHCH: “Ladies…THIS is the final rose.”
Jake musters up some tears and gives it to Vienna. Ashleigh and Jessie are just dumbfounded. Jake is crying. Tenley is crying. Ali is seething. No one is hugging Vienna.
Jessie is the first to leave.
Jake: “You are absolutely amazing. You have a beautiful heart. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your advice. I heard every word you said. And then I waved as it passed me by.”
Ali wonders how he can look at Vienna and think she might be is future BLEEPING wife?
Ashleigh is shocked at the announcement of her departure.
Ashleigh: “Are you BLEEPING kidding me? Vienna over me? As his wife? That’s awesome. If he can’t see that, I BLEEPING pity him. There’s a reason why no one is friends with that little BLEEP. I was the most compatible and the most mature with a plaid blanket as a coat. Please. BLEEP. Spare me.”
Next week, we learn that it’s not about sex appeal. It’s about heart appeal.
Someone better bring the paddles because I might need a jump start next week!
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
“Teal… the color of gangrene”
One of my FAVORITE lines from Wedding Planner. SOOOO loving the Lincee even more! *LOL*
I haven’t finished reading the recap yet. However, lol, I had to comment that, at this VERY moment, I am watching Josh Duhamel be interviewed on Regis & Kelly. Ironic, and a Tad (Hamilton) bit of a chuckle…..
Back to Lincee….
Oh, and the fact that you know all about the Magic Time Machine tickles me pi.. err.. teal. I had my first prom dinner there in the 90s…
Seriously needing a jump start on next week, too. This show has gone from 12 weeks long to 6 weeks REALLY fast. No friggin wonder the ‘process’ ain’t working.
80s.. UGH. I meant 80s.
“Jake, however, knows exactly what to do. Shave by the light of sunset using a pocket knife and tiny little mirror the makeup girl had in her pocket. He’s rugged. He’s manly.”
Crying. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying.
“Jake finds a girl wearing a darling hat (I’m in to hats) and demands that he see the great and powerful Oz. She radios for someone to find Chris Harrison stat. Our Host is cutting up with the intern when Jake runs up behind him.”
Vienna is skankutron 2010. And she’s going to win. Because Jake is drawn to such things. Ali, Tenley… call me.
OMG! Magic Time Machine. That’s bleeping awesome.
Hilarious, per usual. But while you think poor Vienna is getting too hard of a time, I think you are being WAY too hard on Ali. Like Ashleigh said – There’s a REASON that she doesn’t have any friends in the house.
Is Ali too concerned with Vienna? HECK YES. But I don’t get why you think she thinks she’s the queen. If anybody does think that, it’s Vienna. When you’re on a dating show with 8 other women standing RIGHT BEHIND YOU, you don’t say, “Oh, is that our tent up there?” to the guy. She’s a bitch, and ABC is painting her the victim and you’re falling for it.
Shouldn’t have read this at work… I had to suppress my LOLs!
Linsee – just fyi, you can have Josh Duhamel moments ANYTIME!
Quick question/observation: Yes, Gia is annoying (the NY accent, the giggles, hide & seek – Puhlease, how old are you, 6?)…but could she have overcome a speech impediment as a child and this is why she was teased so much? just wondering….
And, am I remembering wrong or is it when it’s down to 4 girls that they start hometown dates? Guess since Jake booted 4 girls they now have to ‘kill some time in San Francisco’ in order to meet episode obligations?
I’m with those who’ve come before me – and with Lincee – I don’t see this guy with any of these girls, but then again, I think Jake was a poor Bachelor choice in the first place… this just proves that there was a limited supply of ‘quality’ (or lack thereof) women (sorry girls under the age of 25) who would put their lives on hold for this guy…. I’m just saying…. he’s just not worth the trouble for most women who have a life, career and brain.
My favorite recap to date… thanks for quoting Debbie Gibson – those were good times.
I was crying from the ROSE CEREMONY section until the end! So funny, Lincee. I wished I lived near you so we could be friends!
I think from now on when someone asks me why I’m doing something, I will reply, “because it’s the wings of love way”!
Best part of the entire show…. the raccoons! They were hilarious! Kudos camera guy! And Gia — really? running, squealing and hiding from raccoons? really? that’s exactly why people from the south/midwest/southwest (and every in between) have little respect for people from NYC! …get a rope…
i don’t know if i can watch anymore. i know i CAN read your recaps though. ugh. this is brutal. but you, are a genius!! loved it. love is a battlefield, my friend!!
Sheer genius Lincee! You are my favorite part of the week!
#10…LOVED Magic Time Machine…still have a my recipt from our table w/ Mae West’s siggy on it from about 1988 (it’s in a box of my old bf’s things). Also loved the teepee table! Had my first virgin dacquri there when I was about 14!
OK, sorry, I meant to respond to #3…not #10 sorry!
OK So, thanks for the Guy shout out. It keeps us coming back and trying out for these shows.
Jake has created his own “kiss of death” known as the “you’re gorgeous, that dress looks hot on you”. If he says this to you, just walk away and get in the limo.
I was pretty excited (as I mentioned previously) that they went to the California Central Coast. I spent a lot of time there in college and whatnot. Drove my own car on the PIsmo dunes and got sand in my ears too. The Madonna Inn (the Inn) hasn’t changed at all. It’s seriously that gaudy and ridiculous. We used to go there for amusement and the occasional filet mignon.
So what can we expect on next week’s series finale?
I can only assume it’s the finale since Jake is casting off women left and right and has already cut the season by 30%.
Lincee, I too picked up on the tired look in Jake’s eyes. It’s growing more obvious each episode that he’s not into this and feeling more and more uncomfortable as time goes by.
Did anyone else think OHCH’s recap was riddled with sarcasm this week? Whoa! And did anyone bother to look up V’s rant that he mentioned?
Great recap Lincee!! Did anyone notice the terrible editing job on the 2-on-1 date? Sometimes there was food on the table, then it was clean, then the food was back, then it’s gone….
And the raccoons were awesome, I’m sure the intern and the camera guy were throwing food at them to get them to come closer. So funny!
So Freaking Hilarious, Lincee!!!
Marvin the Martian…nice. I’m convinced he’s whittling it down to Vienna, Ali, and Gia so that nobody watching this show can blame him for pulling a B-Mack and not choosing any of them.
Is Vienna molting? I swear more chunks of her hair drip off at each rose ceremony. What is happening there?
Jessie – Bless her heart.
Just started reading the blog a couple weeks ago at a friend’s suggestion and I’m just wondering… can you pretend there’s an extra episode on maybe Fridays and just start writing about it?! I love your take on what’s going on and I have to stop myself from laughing out loud when I’m working. I’m always amazed while I’m watching the show at all of the little ridiculous and absurd things that are happening, and then your sarcasm makes them doubly entertaining the second time around. Can you give us a take on who you think the Top 3 will be now? I think Vienna has to get dumped after the home visits–Jake’s not THAT oblivious, is he?
I can’t see him being with any of these women. Maybe Tenley, but I don’t think she’s ready for a serious relationship. I don’t think she was ready with her first husband.
Corrie’s the dark horse with a lot of interactions that seem to have been very carefully edited out. The time at the dunes seemed awfully short compared to how long they would have realistically been sitting there, and they didn’t show her last one-on-one time with him at the end. I think Jake and Corrie are developing a lot more of a relationship than ABC is showing us so that it’s more of a *shocker* at the end when she ends up in the Final 2 (when OR if–no spoiler here!). There’s a reason she was the “girl who’s name you don’t remember” for the longest time. I think she’s the only one mature enough for him. Even Ali has a very childish, competitive streak in her.
I agree #14 – best part of the show was the raccoons! bring on more raccoons!
So, did anyone notice Vienna’s hair in next week’s promo. More flashbacks to big hair 80′s in a twist.
Also wondering if Gia’s lips shrank from last week. Maybe she deflates them when she knows she’s going to be kissing someone so they don’t get in the way.
@20 – Mallie – I wonder if he’s talking about the rant from “Z”? Maybe he just got his bottom-row letters mixed up. http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/01/19/chris-harrison-bachelor-blog-episode-3/comment-page-6/#comments
Here’s the link to the diaries of the departed: http://abc.go.com/watch/clip/the-bachelor/SH011986470000/248101/248060
OMG!! I had to stop mid-blog to comment and say that YOU are the bomb dot com for quoting Debbie Gibson!! Seriously?? I am LMAO!! Lincee, you rock!!
k so watching the win a date clip… does anyone think Ali looks a bit like Kate Bosworth?
Great Recap, Lincee!
These girls are awful. I have hid behind my pillows for more than half of every episode this season, Lincee! I don’t know that there is a single one I don’t dislike at this point. Ali was my favorite at the beginning, but she has taken Mean Girls to a whole new level. She needs to go. Tenley’s squealing and incessant gymnastics and faux “I’m so sad two girls are leaving and we didn’t get to hang out and braid each other’s hair before they left” BS is seriously on my very last nerve. I loved the Enchanted reference, by the way. That is exactly what Tenley reminds me of — a real life version of a Disney princess. And the saddest part is, that is exactly what she’s going for. And it’s working. For Jake, at least. Ugh. Ugh, ugh, UGH!!!
I liked Kathryn’s little alcohol-fueled outburst during her alone time with Jake on the two-on-one date, and thought that she might actually become my new dark horse this season. Clearly not! Oh well. I’m glad he’s giving girls the boot left and right, though. I can’t take much more of this crap.
also.
is it wrong that i thought the hats the production staff were wearing were pretty cool?
Love is a battlefield! Love this recap – I too was thinking at that exact same moment – Jake is so done with this – he is not going end up with anyone. I think he likes Tenley but who knows! And, does anyone else think when Tenley talks she sounds just like Trista (first Bachelorette!)…I cannot get that out of my head when she speaks! Thanks for keeping us laughing and maybe next week you can sneak in a preview with a shirtless Channing Tatum – “Dear John”….yummy!
#28 DeMo, I think “Z” may be Roz. By her comments, she appears to know way too much about what really happened, and is quite bothered about how she was portrayed. I think it would be best for her to crawl into a hole and let this all blow over.
Lincee…this post was freaking hilarious! Thanks for the re-cap. I was thinking the same things the entire time..your refrence to Mean Girls is priceless! I must know, am I the only one who noticed Tenley’s evil laugh as Katheryn and Ella were about to leave for their date? It was so out of character that I had to rewind it and watch it again. But I loved it…maybe she is a little vicious afterall!
I’m with you…I’m pretty sure I need to book a bed a the local hospial for next week’s show. I might need a little recesitiation. I had to hold myself back from hitting the ffwd button while watching. It is getting a little long…Titanic long.
Can’t wait to read next Tuesday!
I just discovered your blog and I love it! I have been doing a recap on The Bachelor for my friends for the past couple seasons. Maybe someday I will have as many followers as you! :0)
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD!! We are young… LOVE THAT!!!!
LINCEE – THIS IS WHY YOU ROCK!!!!
Jessie: “We are young Jake. Heart ache to heart ache…we stand. No promises. No demands. Love is a battle field.”
All of the sudden, Gary the Camera Guy gets all “Blair Witch Project” on us and begins to run to catch up with Jake. It’s very shaky and confusing.
LMAO!!!! Another GOLD STAR FOR YOU!!!
AWESOMENESS!
I had to stop watching this season because the squealing was just too much, but I love being able to read the recap every Tuesday!!!! Much more entertaining and productive use of my time, that’s for sure.
Bring on the raccoons! They were so damned cute!
My husband can’t stop referring to Vienna as “Sausage Girl”. She was definitely showing her immaturity last night. It was like a gigantic badge of pride she wore all episode. Very airhead/valley girl if you’ll pardon the expression.
On the other hand, I have felt since the beginning that Vienna is an awful lot like me. In a situation where there are lots of girls crammed into one house, I am always at the bottom of the pecking order and it truly sucks. I just do not get along with that many other women because I am too frank and blunt with what I say. Then again, I don’t dress my miniature dachshund in little outfits nor crash cars on daddy’s dime like there’s no tomorrow. So maybe I’m not as much like her as I thought.
Ali is definitely being cut as the Bitch Queen. There’s always a ringleader for the hate, and she has it pegged. And knock it off with the fucking yellow! Yes, you’re one of the few caucasians that can wear yellow. We get it already. If you don’t quit, we’ll think you’re a banana and make you into a smoothie.
Jake is definitely getting more and more tired with all of this. As to chemistry with any of the girls, I think that between the cheesy lines he’s spouting off before and during the “dates” and the fact that he just does not come across well on camera means that we don’t really see what if any sparks are truly flying. But when it’s bad, we really see that it’s bad – i.e. the situation with Kathryn or Michelle in the previous episode. Does it mean he’ll pull a faker at the end of this and do a double elimiation of the final two? Or will he pick one and then quickly dump her afterwards? I’m leaning towards the latter.
By process of elimination, it looks like Tenley and Corrie in the F2. The problem is that there is zero chemistry between Jake and these girls. It seems more likely that Tenley and Corrie ride off into the sunset together.
The sad part is that Ali + Vienna were the girls that got his motor running. The problem is that Ali became Vienna’s stalker. These girls seem to think they are so pretty they don’t need a man. They are all wrapped up in their little dramas. I agree with Lincee they have sucked the life out of Jake. It all started with Roslyn. After that Jake was like a little who finds out that there is no S*** C***. Then he goes to the comedy club to see the girls rag on one of his favorites and ends up getting cornered by the psycho Michelle. He really seemed to lose the desire to give out roses at that point.
They need to pull the plug on this fiasco.
Darryl
#25 – Brittany, I don’t think Corrie is all that mature if you remember her comedy act. Which really wasn’t funny.
I think he’s tired of the catty crap – I wouldn’t want any of them if that’s all they had to say, and couldn’t tell me something more about themselves. Keep sending them packing Jake!!!!
Did anyone else think that Ashleigh’s walk out of the house after she didn’t get a rose seemed to go on forever? That was quite the trek downhill in some sassy blue pumps. Did they make her walk to the bus stop because ABC only booked one limo for the evening???
Lincee, what you’re doing with this awful season is pure magic! The last two weeks have been some of your funniest of all times…and in a season with barely anything to work with! your Burn Book references are classic.
BTW, I’m with “BachelorParty” dude in being thrilled to see the Central Coast, although my roommate and I were HORRIFIED to see the Madonna Inn! It’s the tacky sore thumb in our otherwise magical college town…but I’m guessing the new ABC Intern is a Cal Poly student!
Don’t get me wrong, I love to camp, hike and roll around in the sand–especially in my old stompin’ ground–but was anyone else thinking that, compared with Jillian’s and Jason’s seasons, the economic crisis must’ve hit ABC hard this year???
@35 MandyP – It’s quite possible that it is Roz writing that.
@44 Allie – I noticed that too. And thought her blue shoes were a bold move. Maybe they sent her home in the RV that couldn’t make the turn in the driveway.
Ali needs to explore the other “colors of the rainbow!” Yellow is great, but I am pretty sure she has worn every shade of yellow on every group date, rose ceremony, pajama party, etc. Maybe she should visit Corrie, the wardrobe consultant. (who hasn’t wowed me with any of her attire!)
All this pandering to the dudes…not sure I can take it. My heart goes pitter patter.
First you openly love us…and then you quote “The Program”…”Are you injured or are you hurt??” I LOVE IT.
“You take your helmet and you put it in his chest!!! I want to see nothing but SNOT BUBBLES coming outta his nose.” Too bad Ali doesn’t do that to vienna sausage. That would make for some great television. Or better yet, I think I’d like to see sausage girl pummel Ali at this point. Right there at the end of the rose ceremony!! Flying clothesline WWF style.
At the end of this episode my wife and I were arguing because I thought he was going to ditch 3 chicks when he left to talk to OHCH. Personally I think he wanted to ditch 3 but the producers made him keep V…it was their little compromise.
Jake needs to pull a Womack for this season.
I may be married but I think I should be the next bachelor. I would be so damn funny kicking the stupid girls out the door it would be the highest rated season ever. That’s what ABC needs…a no-nonsense bachelor and like 50-100 girls where he just rips right through them in record time…and actually tells them the truth about why they are gone. None of this “you’ve got a beautiful heart” crap.
LOL at Jake’s conversation with OHCH……
Jake: “There are a couple of women…what would you do…and you KNOW that it should only be one girl…but there are two in my opinion…and I feel that my heart is on my sleeve…but wings of love says that I should lift them up in the sky…and I’m getting very itching because of the sand…so I don’t know…”
OHCH: “Dude. Calm down. You aren’t making sense. What are you asking? Are you hurt or are you injured?”
Jake: “Iwannaknowifihavetogiveouttworosesattonightsceremony?”
Lincee, you didn’t disappoint!
Lincee!! You didn’t mention the part when Ella picked up the snake and scared the *bleep* out of Vienna!! Best part ever! ha.
Oh, and pretty sure the Corrie + Jake roll down the dune reminded me of Princess Bride. I was waiting for someone to shout, “As youuuu wiiiishh!!”
And Lincee, Gia is 26. Vienna and Corrie are 23. Gia is actually the oldest one left.
My favorite: Jake to Jessie: “You are absolutely amazing. You have a beautiful heart. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your advice. I heard every word you said. And then I waved as it passed me by.”
-awesome!
Does anyone find the Vienna situation eerily similiar to last season? Everyone hated that country singer guy and told Jillian how awful he was. And Jake was pissed when he was cut before that guy. And now he’s doing the same thing by keeping Vienna.
It’s Jake’s own fault if he’s stuck at the end with nobody interesting. He cut them all in the FIRST episode!
#17 – my sister was Mae West at TMC!
#48 – Eric – I knew that sounded familiar! I love “The Program”!!!
You seem like you’d rock this show. Talk to your wife and see if you can work this out….we’d greenbeaners would watch you!
Incidentally, there seems to be a lot of Tenley-love on this site.
I just dont see it. She’s fingernails on a chalk board on styrofoam on strangled cat on wings of love with sugar coating irritating to me.
Her hot body goes only as far as her chin. from there up, she seems a little needy, somewhat sheltered, and a lot not-yet-grown-up for someone who’s been cheated on and divorced.
If I had to make my pick now, based on what I know of Jake and the lay-deez, it would go down like this:
Vienna: too dumb, gone first
Ali: too smart, gone second
Corrie: too late and too young, gone third
Gia: get’s Jake REAL hot but he doesn’t want to adopt and can’t find stiletto hiking boots, gone fourth
Tenley: makes it to the end
but in an unsurprising twist, Jake comes out of the closet. ABC licenses “Brokeback” music.
Jessie: “We are young Jake. Heart ache to heart ache…we stand. No promises. No demands. Love is a battle field.”
OMG! I was fighting back giggles during this entire recap because I’m at work. I actually haven’t watched the episode yet, thought it’d be interesting to read your take, then watch it.
Lincee,
this recap was your best yet.
Jake: “I keep getting lost in your eyes. And I feel my spirits rise. And soar like the wind. Is it love that I am in? I need to figure that out.”
And thanks for the Debbie (now Debra) Gibson reference. I immediately got out the “electric youth” cassette and started singing.
#28 – DeMo – I read the comments that OHCH refers to and I think it is Roz and all the mumbo jumbo about doing all these things to the child and single mothers…um lady no one ever knew you had a kid when you were on the show. lol If you are going to go and do all that ranting at least put your name on it and don’t hide behind initials. lol
It happened…move on.
Seriously, I can’t watch the show at home. I watch it in brief increments at work so I don’t get annoyed. And all this so I can read the re-cap you write! #12 and #49 you are right on. I straight up Laughed Out Loud-Loud during that part of the recap. Linz is a lyrical genius!
LOVE LOVE LOVE your recaps! I 100% agree with your assessment of all the girls, but Ali’s especially cracks me up!
my favorite part: the racoon pop up in the background with the dramatic music as we see a bachelorette in the foreground eating a s’more. Absolutely classic filmmaking, Gary the Camera Guy! Kudos!
I just have to say that Tenley bugs me. Her voice is just on my last nerve and she is so upbeat all the time. I think no one can continue that for extended amounts of time!
I have a question, being a relatively “newbie” when it comes to the Bachelor/ette — how do the relatives & friends of these girls not know the outcome since the girls either come home early or stay the whole time? Like the girls that left last night — do they go home to their friends & family? Then isn’t it obvious when some girls go home later than others?
I laughed my head off last night during the “Blair Witch Project” part — and when Chris was talking to some random people as Jake interrupted him — like we’re actually supposed to believe that wasn’t staged!? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Lincee… when Jake was walking with Gia through the vineyard…I mean carrying her…. Grant and I both agreed that you were going to be all over it on your blog. We are beginning to anticipate the blog worthy moments. I also KNEW you HAD to say something about Jessie’s saloon girl get up. It was like a costume!! Thanks for the recap. You’re awesome.
While I laughed out loud several times, my favorite line of the recap was “Jake. Hey. I’m Jessie.” As always, great recap Lincee.
Lincee..So glad Im not the only one that cringes every time these grown women start squealing. And the hide and seek,,,Really? Hide and Seek? Its like watching jr. high girls do the bachelor.
If I had a quarter for every time I cringed watching last night’s episode, I’d be….as rich as….Vienna’s daddy!
Yikes!
This show is the best comedy on television! So much to laugh about! I, too, laughed at Ali in the luggage compartment, wondered about Gia’s giggling while playing hide-and-seek (!!!), and thought the exact same thing about Jake’s nose being inches from Tenley’s boob. Tenley: Do you like me? Jake: Mmm…hmm (gazing at boob). And what about when those two kissed. Tenley goes–get UP! Hilarious stuff!
This season is so awesomely painful, I’m loving every minute.
I’ve been following Lincee so long that it’s like she’s sitting next to me on the couch. I hear her voice and imagine what she’s gonna say and when. Then when the recap appears it’s even funnier than I thought.
So much squealing! and Gia’s giggling had me almost ready to mute the tv. When she wrapped herself around Jake and stayed there I swear all I could think of was how much she looked like a monkey clinging there. yeesh!
Thanks, Lincee for making my Tuesdays so bright.
Still watching online…and I am SO jealous! i’ve wanted to go to Big Sur for forever, even though I thought it kind of got destroyed recently in a fire…
Also…why do they all have pink suitcases? Does that bother anyone else?
Here’s something I figured someone would have mentioned…I noticed that once they got to the house for the rose ceremony, Jake was wearing two different ties! At first he’s wearing a relatively normal tie during the talk-to-the-camera part, then you see him at the party wearing the ugly tie, then there’s one more shot of the normal tie while he’s talking to the camera again, and then you see the ugly tie for the rest of the evening. Wonder what was up with that.
Crying- I’m laughing so hard. I especially thought Jake looked completely over the whole thing last night. I’m thinking it’s Ali & Tenley in the end….but let the record show that I am wrong EVERY season.
Psst! ABC! You know your little show has jumped the shark and every other creature in the sea if a blog from a wee girl in Texas is a bajillion times more interesting (and funny) than the actual show. They ought to serve this show with some adult beverages. It would make it easier to get through.
Karen K (#73), you’re on to something – I’m always drinking while watching this show.
Lincee, I’ve just gotten to the “Enchanted” clip, and I thought it was an amazing choice – I loved that Disney made fun of themselves. Also, who wouldn’t want to date Ariel? I do like me some Tenley.
I just read everyone’s comments – so much funny stuff – raccoons/Gia running wildly into the RV – yellow outfits – sausage! – but I can’t believe nobody mentioned ‘his first 1 on 1 time was with Ashleigh’s butt’. HAAAAAA – I almost fell off the sofa laughing!!!
I’ve been commenting a lot tonight, but a couple of things have just occured to me…let me preface this by saying that i LOVE trashy television.
So…the themed rooms place? I totally think they went there on the Girls Next Door.
RVs…anyone thinking Bret Michaels? Whatever that show was called where they were on buses? It was really pretty awesome, in a completely ridiculous, horrifiying, disgusting but somehow amazing kind of way.
A few weeks ago I liked that Ali was kinda demure and also kinda ballsy. We haven’t seen too much of the demure side lately.
Corrie bugs. Vienna bugs. Tenley is aight. In the end I’m still on Team Ali.
I really want to comment, but I am so bored by the whole show that i can’t think of a thing to say! I’d quit watching, but then Lincee’s recaps wouldn’t make any sense to me.
Oh dear, that was Rock of Love or as I like to call it Rock of STDs.
You know, now that I think about it (and WHY am I thinking about it??) I think he will pick one of these “ladies” and get engaged. He will be all in lurve. “I finally found my twue wov. I won’t get dumped anymore ever. My dating days are over.” Then the “lady” will dump him. So he can continue on with his nice guys finish last schtick.
Anyone else see irony in the fact that Jessie is a ‘cosmetic sales manager’?
I still say that he picks the ugly girl, Vienna, so that he can dump her and have his pick of all new ladies once the show is over. Seriously. That girl is ugly. And not just ugly, but FUGLY.
And Tenley likes to hand out “I’M STILL — by default of my cheatin’ husband — A VIRGIN!” business cards.
Loved the Pat Benatar reference!
Random thoughts from a guy on the motley crew that is left (wonder if Jake is wishing he had kept the cool pilot from D.C.?)
- Gia: Worst hide-and-seek player ever. Note to Gia. Eating a hot dog and a smore that some ABC intern made for you is NOT camping. You will NOT like real camping.
- Jessie: Which one is she again? Oh yeah, the Canadian brunette whose mouth seems to be stuck in a permanent frown.
- Ashleigh: My favorite of the remaining players and now she’s gone. She was smokin hot and seemed pretty normal. And then her hair looked very sexy in the rose ceremony. How do you cut a girl like that, Jake? Granted, she didn’t have much to say, but that’s partly Jake’s fault too. Why not keep her around and see if some some chemistry ignites? BTW, did Ashleigh have to walk to the Bachelor Bus Stop down the street after she got cut? Reminded me of the dude from last season that got dropped off at the train station.
- Tenley: Not my type but Jake seems to be into her.
- Ali: Her face is breaking out. Mean-girl stress? Best looking girl left in the game. A man could easily fall for a face like that. At his own peril.
- Corrie: My favorite of the remaining pile. I like her face. Still don’t know much about her, though.
- Vienna: Jake’s deal with the producers? We’ll let you cut two extra girls if you keep a crazy? Jake is using her to smoke out the mean girls. Good strategy.
- Ella: She wasn’t looking for a man. She was looking for a man to be a father to her little man. Not a turn-on.
- Kathryn: She was probably gone anyway but she lost her poise at the end. Too much wine? Too much whine.
- Jake: A pretty good dude but he does not strike me as ready to settle down yet. Another Brad Womack? I think he chooses…no one. Or Tenley. Or Corrie.
I’ve seen every season of The Bachelor except for Meredith’s and this one ranks very high for entertainment value. Keep ‘em coming. Prefer Bachelor episodes to Bachelorettes, by a wide margin.
Here’s Jake’s latest blog: http://tvwatch.people.com/category/the-bachelor/
Sounds like he’s really into Gia, although Corrie apparently got his attention 10 seconds before he cut her. Who knew Vienna sprained her ankle at the beach? He doesn’t even mention Ali. Interesting.
54. BachelorParty
‘but in an unsurprising twist, Jake comes out of the closet. ABC licenses “Brokeback” music.’
There is a job waiting for you either as a psychic or a comedian. Good stuff!!
For the record – I have regular racoon visitors and they can be agressive and very large. Bigger than a large dog and not afraid of anything! They are cute looking at first – especially if they are smaller.
It is not a good sign that he is defending Vienna and giving her advice. Does she bring out the protective side of him or what?
I like Tenley for Jake. I like Corrie just cause! (Next bach’ette?) I still like Ali – but that is cause I like women that are direct, most of my friends are.
Please, please do not pick Vienna, she is so immature and self absorbed. (“I want to go last!”/Is that our tent?) Anyone remember Shayne (Monkey)? Perhaps Vienna’s dad bought her the part on the Bach??
Hid behind a pillow during Jake’s one-on-one with Ashleigh’s butt.
I have so much to give. Ethan’s teddy bear. His favorite blanket. His favorite Transformer Optimus Prime.–HilARious! I did feel a “little” better last week when I saw that Ethan was at least NOT four. STILL, would’ve been great for Jake to pull out that airplane. . .
The Blair Witch Project–is OHCH ALWAYS that hard to hunt down at the end of the rose ceremony? Seriously. It was like he left the building.
And YES, I’m pretty sure I heard crickets chirping when Ashleigh took her walk of shame.
Love is a battlefield, indeed!
Ok, is this just me, or is this the worst season yet? I feel like Jake wants out– I can’t picture him with any of the girls in the house (maybe Tenley, but I think her la-la land demeanor will eventually wear thin on him), plus I already heard who wins (supposedly), so it makes it even less appealing now…
I used to like Ali, until she turned into the Queen B**** and has made it her personal mission to talk trash about Vienna the whole time when the camera is on her, when that is what everyone was initially accusing Vienna of doing. And she seriously needs a wardrobe upgrade to some items that are NOT yellow.
Anyways, that’s my rant. I predict Corrie will be going home next week.
Paul, I like your run down! I’m with you Susan M. I want to comment but don’t have much to say. Totally bored with Jake and his sub-par ladies.
My observations:
A- Does Jake HAVE to look so pained/annoyed all the time?
B- Can’t they put an age bracquet on these girls? Like a +/- 5 years kind of thing. Jake is, what, 31? So they bring him girls from 26-36 or something. No offense, but the 23 year old girls on this season are NOT ready to settle down.
Here’s my prediction: I think Ali is about to jet. I think Jake picks someone else at the end, it doesn’t work out, and he wants another shot with Ali. Ali seems the most real to me. Not to sound obnoxious, but if there was some guy I was nuts over, and he was into me, but he was also into a girl who I perceived as selfish, spoiled, childish, and HIGHLY unattractive, etc., I would be pissed too. It’s hard enough that he’s dating other girls, but some of them, you think “she’s at least got redeeming values”. So I understand why she’s so peeved. PS, she needs to tend to her hair more often, it’s always in a sloppy half pony tail. I think Tenley is such a sweet, nurturing girl. That’s the kind of girl Jake SHOULD be with. She’d be a wonderful wife and mother and would stick it out through thick and thin. As long as he didn’t cheat on her. Ashleigh was pretty and alright, but such a smart ass, and kind of a negative Nancy. Not surprised to see her go. Jessie and Kathryn were cute but CLEARLY he had nothing with them because they barely showed the girls. Corrie is ok. She’s Melba for me. I’ve already stood on my soap box about how fake Ella is. Gia- she’s pretty, and seems sweet, but she’s silly. She plays the “I don’t get it” card, and that annoys me. Confused about her age. Is she early or late 20′s? Thought she was like 29 (looks like it) but could have sworn the tv said she was 23 (acts like it). I am soooo bored already this season. I fast-forwarded through most of it. I am pretty sure I only watch this garbage to get a kick out of Lincee’s blog!!
I still don’t get why all the girls are hating on Vienna? Did I miss something? It just seems like she’s fighting for her man. The other girls do similar things but when Vienna does it it’s wrong. I don’t get it. Not a huge fan of hers but don’t get all the hate.
Great recap as always Lincee…thanks for the giggles and screeching we all did while reading it.
Lincee, eastcoastgirl (if you’re in Texas now!), Krista, PetEKaren, and anyone else in North Dallas….
PuhLEEEZE can we have a final watching party at the Magic Time Machine?!?!?!? PLEEEEEZE!?!?!? *L*
#82 Paul – “Vienna: Jake’s deal with the producers? We’ll let you cut two extra girls if you keep a crazy? Jake is using her to smoke out the mean girls. Good strategy.”
I said the same thing!!!! I’m with you on the DC pilot too. She didn’t seem to take herself too seriously but had a sassy side to (even from what little time she was on the show).
I guess I was watching the Bachelor on abc.com too late at night because I TOTALLY missed this racoon thing you all are talking about..shame on me. Also, did anyone else think red lipstick is a bad choice for Gia? She looks like she had on those fake red, wax lips you used to be able to buy from the ice cream man for 50 cents…I like Ali a lot, but she may be a little too edgy for Jake. Even though people think she is too sweet (me included) I think Tenley would be a good match for him. As for Jake cutting girls so quick, I just think it’s obvious to him, and frankly the viewing audience, who he has chemistry with and not. Oh and by the way…I am totally going to wear green eye shadow today…let’s bring back that look!
#83 – Santorini, I find it interesting that he spelled Katheryn’s name wrong! LOL She honey…he really wasn’t that into you.
I think I read somewhere that it takes like a half an hour a rose during the rose ceremony so OHCH maybe wasn’t about to walk right in at that time, but it was all a bit soap opera-ish. Or Blair Witch as Lincee says. lol
#90 – Allison, I don’t get the hate either as they haven’t really shown us what’s so horrible about Vienna. I’m not a huge fan of any of them really (any like was lost really fast) and from what little they showed about her…all the others seem to have about the same qualities they can’t stand about Vienna themselves. Work on making yourself shine and guess what…Jake will notice. Must really think Vienna’s competition if they are working so hard on trying to get rid of her.
#93 Jen from Tuscon…the racoons were at the very end of the episode (when the credits roll). I think if you go to hulu.com you can forward to the end and see it. It was quite hilarious.
Gia actually said she thought it was skunk once she was in the RV. They told her it was racoons, and she said…well there’s a skunk by me and I’m staying in here or something like that.
Lincee – LOVE the new Simple Disclaimer!! Every bit of your blog is hilarious.
Did anyone hear Jake say on his group date that they are really hard on him….It seems that he is having a really hard time dating all these girls at one time. Bless his heart! He looks really stressed and tired. Looking for love on the wings of love is a tough job.
Here’s my opinion (not a spoiler): Jake doesn’t give out a Final Rose until after the “WTA” show and on the “ATFR” show which will be called “TFR” (the Final Rose) show
). He dates F1 & F2 for the 3 months (or so) leading up to the showing to see who he is best friends with and in lourve with.
WHO??? dunno….I think he has more continuous chemistry with Ali than any of the others. Kissing each time they see each other etc…but she needs to keep her eye on the prize. Or Corrie.
Tenley’s voice just grates on my last nerve….#54 BachelorParty…”She’s fingernails on a chalk board on styrofoam on strangled cat on wings of love with sugar coating irritating to me.” EXACTLY!!!!
Saggleo, Allison: allow me to present to you WHY everyone is hating on Vienna.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfKfSbVHjQY
you would be suprised at how many people can comfortably date a dozen people at once. I can think of two right off hand…
Loved the raccoons and the horror music they played whilst showing them. Best part of the show!
Athletic, pretty, ditzy, immature, and spoiled, combined with “I can’t believe she got her bachelor’s degree…”. Those were the words of my friend who has never seen The Bachelor, when watching the Vienna video!!! Haha!
It’s crazy that these girls are in their early 20s, act a long younger, but look a lot older. I am 24 and cannot see myself squealing or acting like they do. Jake got rid of a lot of great girls in the first episode in my opinion. Tenley is still my favorite, but I kind of think she deserves better than Jake. Ali is pretty, but needs to get over talking about Vienna behind her back. Not attractive at all!
And now I’m officially adding “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton” to the top of my Netflix queue.
I think Jake still likes Vienna. He made her go last because she insisted on being last earlier. According to Chris, he talked to her about that during their one on one time. It is probably why she didn’t seem worried at the ceremony. She could still come on top if she can manage to keep the craziness at bay for a few minutes every day. I don’t think she can do it.
I love Love LOVE this recap. I found it by accident and am so glad I found it for this season. The entertainment value is awesome and the 80′s references this time are spot on. Jake is boring to me for some reason and I was all on board with him being the Bachelor at the end of last season. What happened? We get to see him full time and it’s just dull.
Ali rocks. I love her Queen Bitchiness and love the recap after the fact of it.
And I missed the raccoons as well and am heading to hulu.com after this to look for them since they seemed to be the star of the show.
SC — True… but the girls didn’t see that video… so why do they HATE her so much? The fact is ABC is trying to give us the “feel sorry for Vienna” edit by not showing how annoying she really is or what she did to make the girls hate her. The others act just as immature!
Long time reader, first time commenter! This has to be one of my favorite recaps so far – I laughed the whole way through.
#98 – SC – I saw that when the show first aired…again…not enough to enrage all that hate. If she’s all that and then some, why help her get further in the process? I think a grown man will be able to see for himself what he likes and doesn’t like about someone. You can’t hide your ditziness or any faults for very long. It makes none of them look any better constantly going…she’s this and she’s that…well show me what makes you so much better than – oh yeah wait maybe you aren’t either b/c of all your finger pointing on someone else. That’s what irritates me about this group.
I don’t feel sorry for her or any of them honestly. They’ve watched this show to know what’s what – and you learn some things I’m sure once behind the scenes, but get off your high horses like you have no faults. I hope he picks none of them!
Lincee – long time reader, first time commenter. First – let me just say I LOVE YOUR BLOG – I told my sister and friends to check it out. Love your recaps (since I’ve watched every season of this train wreck of a show) but I especially love your movies/80′s/pop culture references – I can totally relate! Thanks for spreading a little sunshine & laughter during my hectic, snowy Buffalo winter! You rock!
As far as Ali goes, I think what started off as mild irritation and simple ‘one-on-one date’ jealousy with Vienna has festered and turned into all out rage that’s consumed Ali’s sense of judgement. And being cooped up in a house with someone you dont necessarily like, someone who just wont stop jabbering her jaws, it’s bubbled over and Ali’s losing her brains from letting it eat her up.
Instead of tuning Sausage Girl out and focusing on taking care of herself and attracting Jake, Ali has gone completely and utterly bonkers. She’s consumed with Vienna and has turned into a monster. *L*
#106 – I think that since Ali got the first one-on-one, the girls might have seen that as Ali being the front-runner favorite and she might have become Miss Popularity at that point. When the other girls saw what traits their competition had that they might’ve be able to use to make themselves more attractive, they used ‘em! They became BFFs and what Ali Monster said, the rest of the lemmings took as gospel.
Besides… Ali has no upper lip. That keeps annoying me to all hell.
OMG Lincee….You are so freaking hilarious! I seriously think ABC needs to pay you – the only reason i watch the show is so that i can read your recaps. I had to close my door at work and pretend to be on a “serious conference call” So that i can laugh out loud!
thanks for making this bareable.
Hmm…how’s this for a thought. Maybe Ali really is a catty little beyotch and they edited her to look sweet first so the audience would like her…then BAM!!….low and behold she’s a cow! LOL
attention fellow green-beaners! If you LOVE Lincee’s blog (and we know you do!), then check out the Dish on the Style network hosted by Danielle Fishel. It’s a 30 minute show that recaps funny/insane/fashion-challenged moments from various reality shows the previous week. Danielle’s comments on this season’s Bachelor are pretty darn funny. Besides I hate green beans, the Dish is probably the only other thing that truly makes me laugh out loud like an idiot……
JT – I’ve caught The Dish a time or two…she is pretty funny. Good comedic delivery.
#91….I’d love to have a watch party at MTM!! Sadly, I am on the east coast now…sure do miss Texas though (and MTM that was on Barton Springs in Austin sooooo long ago!)
I just appreciate that The Dish is hosted by Topanga from Boy Meets World. unfortunately my comcast doesnt’ carry the style network
Lincee – recap was hilarious!! Well done!! OHCH was on Ellen today and they played Love is a Battlefield as he walked out – I think it was a shout out to you!!
#115, I’m on the east coast too, let’s start our own league :p
My roommate and I are east coast too…Let’s pool our money and get Lincee out for a viewing party here in NYC! We can bribe her with Broadway tickets and yummy street vendor hot dogs.
I am soooo glad I have not waisted any time watching any of this season’s episodes!
On a seperate, yet related note; I was watching American Idol last night, and a girl sang Love is a Battle Field. I burst out laughing beacuse it reminded me of this recap. The Blog is the best.
#98 SC– Thanks for that Vienna clip again. I just caught her “major” and totally cracked up — Interpersonal Organizational Communications. I’m sorry, but what is that, and how is that a four-year degree?
I’ve decided when he wears his motorcycle helmet, he looks like Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. But I doubt his Schwartz is as big.
Lincee I think this was my favorite recap yet. I hope you get your gummie bears and Dr. Pepper from Mr. Right one day. Thank you so much for the laughs.
ROFL!!!!
) … Thanks Lincee… “19… 23-years-old. Guess what. SAME THING!” 
) crying laughing… (with humble apologies to those reading this who are nearer 23 than I am…) I’m old. I love that comment. So true.
You really rocked this one. (Ok you always do, but you really really did this week!)
p.s. Can’t believe someone was “horrified” to see the Madonna Inn! I’m a 6th generation Californian (yeah, very native) and I was psyched!!!! Where else can a guy pee and turn on a WATERFALL…?!?! It’s kitschy and gauchy and fun… and I’m so glad they went there!
(must remember not to make my smileys with noses that do not work here!)
Chickpea, is it awful that I immediately wondered, “80′s Madonna, or Virgin Madonna?” when I saw the display sign on the door!!! LOL! Hilarious! I’m not THAT much over 23 (nearing 28) but I PROMISE, there is such a huge difference that those who are in their early 20′s now will look back and laugh at the things that are important to you now. Sort of like when you’re 23 and you look back on being 18, and roll your eyes at that entire period of time. Or is that just me?
Saggleo, I agree- there’s no reason to have that much anger towards anyone. I was just giving an idea of how the contempt could breed into more. I know it’s not nice, but when I meet a person who starts off as “I love myself. Daddy buys me lots of cars and I don’t work and I get what I want” my shackles just rise! I worked my butt off to get through college, and my dad loved the heck out of me, but I was certainly never spoiled. There must be more to it. An entire household of girls can’t be that vexed toward Vienna for no good reason. THEY didn’t see the intro that we did. I feel like giving her the same lecture I was once given. I used to say “like” a lot. I had a professor who sat me down and said “You use ‘like’ as a filler. You sound like an airhead and it’s really hard to listen to you, let alone take you seriously.” It hurt my feelings for 5 seconds but now I am SOOOO grateful, because when I hear other girls say it, I want to pass along the wisdom!
(I work in microbiology; I want to be taken seriously!!!)
Sunnybunny… the Madonna Inn is so totally 80s Madonna and then some…
and yes, the difference between 21 and even 25 is huge, much less say 23 and 30… phew. And FWIW life only gets better and better after 30! Truly!!! 
auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggh! I can’t believe I am sharing this, but I just saw a picture of “Miss December” Vienna, posing topless with a Burberry scarf strategically covering her… ahem… bits and pieces. Wow. If you must, it’s on Reality Steve’s site. Ew. Ew. Ew.
Ashleigh for the next Bachelorette!!!
122 JennX – totally with you!
When the clip of Vienna originally aired I was on the floor laughing about her major, Interpersonal Organizational Communications I heard it all wrong and thought, ‘what the …, UCF is giving out a bachelor’s degree on how to archive text messages and tweets?’
Austin-ite: REALLY? Yeah, you just made me spit out my orange juice. That was HILARIOUS!
#128 – SC – I hear you for sure…I’m far from spoiled myself and can’t stand chicks or people (since there’s no gender discrimination on being spoiled – lol) who are that way or rather act like they are superior to others b/c they (well their parents) are well off. I guess it just irritates me more that the others don’t rise above that and just worry about themselves. I know it’s easy to say when you not in that situation, but I have to deal with some pretty annoying people in my own day to day life that I’d choose not to (and actually don’t go out of my way to engage if it’s not absolutely necessary) b/c they are so freaking transparent! Ugh…I digress.
Believe that grates…but it doesn’t help the finger pointer or make them look any better if they keep calling attention to it. I’m sure it’s obvious to Jake. Honestly, I think they are all too young in the mind for any of them to really think they are ready for marriage.
And I’ve seen the attitude of a group of people finding something in common of not liking one person and then building a friendship(s) on that, thinking they are all such good buddies. Then boom…do one thing against them and that new found friendship is over. I think I’m explaining that right. I use too many words sometimes. LOL This I know.
Kick azz greenbeaner – Microbiology…work it!
You know what bugs me about this SC (and other gb’s)….I found myself being like Ali at a point (not to that much of an extent as they are showing her and certainly not over a dude) but I realized it and it bugged the crap out of me that some transparent person was annoying me that much and taking up energy I could definitely focus and use elsewhere, and I let them dig their own hole.
Ah…self-awareness…ain’t it grand! And not so many words either (well on this comment)!!!! yay me!
Lincee! This week was one of your best. Serious LOL moments. Haven’t posted yet, but will say, so agree baby. Felt that Ali was a mean girl wannabe from the start, all your references are hysterical! I feel like screaming at the TV, ” grow up! What are you going to do now that he has picked bad extentions Vienna. Throw a fit, throw your rose down, and say NO NO NO NO NO,” like a two year old? No, I forgot that would be our toddler Gia’s job. Her laugh is OTT (over the top). I feel like sticking my fingers in my ears when she starts giggling. Hide and seek? Nuff said.
Tenley, this week, the bursting into cartoon characters….classic! Ella, and Whats her name, I prefer to refer to her as whining girl who when she talked never sounded like she pronounced the ends of any words, was a painful date. I have to say I love Jakey. Love that he is not playing the bachelor game, and if its not there, he sets it free, on the wings of love, on a dove….for another man. Really do they ever have to play that song!? In any form….. its just poor form. Make it stop ABC, make it stop. As well with the screaming. Hearing it in your sleep! HA! I was so annoyed by the RV screeching, like they have never passed one on the HWY. I wonder if they would have done that if there had been golf carts outside the mansion. Seriously, it doesn’t seem to matter, as we saw with the hotel rooms. They just scream at will. I have to go to the bathroom, “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK” Look there’s a plate of food.” OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH” and on and on and on.
I know! On Jakes state of enthusiam. I felt like last weeks episode we started to see him falling apart. I mean these woman were supposed to be people they had screening for Jake, and to me they couldn’t have been farther from people I would have picked for him. He looks exhausted, and like he would like to go back to work tomorrow!
Go Lincee! Love you!
This was the first chance I’ve had to read this recap with the clips. Holy singing cartoon characters batman!! That was hilarious, and exactly the way I picture Tenley and Jake.
I find it a bit peculiar that during the Blair Witch portion, when Jake bolts the rose ceremony to consult with Chris, we find Chris two full rooms away, apparently shooting the shit with the crew.
The rose ceremony – arguably the most intense and most interesting 15 minutes of the entire week for everyone involved with the show – and Chris is barely even in the ballpark? Interesting…
BACHELOR WEDDING! Check it out: http://www.tvguide.com/News/ABC-Bachelor-Wedding-1014280.aspx. Jason & Molly are tying the knot on NBC!!! Can’t believe. I feel like we should take bets on how quickly it will end…
Still loving Ali. Just saying.
#139 – I meant ABC, of course!!!
Thanks a lot JenBabe! I probably could have avoided hearing that news! lol Not sure I’ll turn in. I wish them well and all..and just want them to stay off my tv screen! I’m including their wedding in that too!
138 Marcus, you should read Chris Harrison’s blog on EW… he talks about (explains) this.
I didn’t know that Melissa & Tye got married in December!
I think it’s funny how half the IHGB audience no longer watches the show, but still tunes in for the recaps and puts up posts. I like when the tail wags the dog. Go Lincee!
let’s be clear on something that needs to be addressed – that is NOT Jake riding the motorcycle down the California coast. It is clearly a stunt double. it’s enough that he can fly a plane.
and did anyone notice how cold it must’ve been when they were shooting? everyone in the background that was ‘exposed’ when Jake ran back to Chris to talk about the rose situation was wearing scarves, winter jackets, hats, etc. The girls should at least get a space heater.
I disagree that Ali is getting the mean girl’s edit. She just can’t let Jake do what he wants. It is too soon for her to be so controlling. My wife is controlling, but she was smart enough to seal the deal first. I am sure she is right about Vienna. But, she quickly nominated herself as BIC and decided that Jake needs to “wake up, smell the coffee and get on aboard with the program!” . I thought the scene where she wanted to “discuss with Jake who goes next” was very revealing. As a guy, I think it is time to run for hills. If she has this much control now, he might was well check his manhood at the door and learn how to say “Yes, dear” meekly for the rest of his life.
#148 – Darryl Said, My wife is controlling, but she was smart enough to seal the deal first.
Darryl….I can’t stop laughing at this!!! I read the rest of your post but THIS is the best part to me. Freaking hilarious!!! Love a man’s perspective!
Oh my gosh, guys, you should watch the two clips about next week. One’s about “Vienna the vixen” and how she “doesn’t know right from wrong” and the other is a sneak peek into Gia and Vienna’s date with Jake. Jake takes Gia off for 1-on-1 time and then Vienna gets a lantern and goes off looking for them because she “doesn’t want him kissing or cuddling with her” and it seems like she gets lost…in the dark. Haha!
This isn’t considered spoilers since it’s up on abc.com, right? I sincerely apologize if anyone feels like it is!
Absolutely love your recaps! They’re the best part of watching this show.
These girls are pathetic. I feel sorry for their families having to watch their behavior on national television. If Jake did pick Ali, I can’t imagine what he’s thinking now. I don’t really like any of them, but she’s definitely at the bottom of my list. I’d rather see him with someone immature, than with a downright b**ch.
#80 carried – ROFLMAO!!!!! It didn’t occur to me until you said it….and now I keep letting little giggles escape and people here at work are beginning to wonder what is wrong with me! Just every once in awhile I will snicker thinking about it! Too funny…..
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2010/01/one-bachelor-contender-doesnt-entirely-hate-vienna/
Just read this, passing it on. Nothing too shocking.
Can someone please give me a link to The Bachelor Pad???
#148- Darryl “She just can’t let Jake do what he wants. It is too soon for her to be so controlling. My wife is controlling, but she was smart enough to seal the deal first.”
Ummm…is this my hubby using a codename? LMAO! He says this about me all the time.
153- Sunnybunny- I’m pretty sure Jessie also said Vienna wasn’t being mean to all the girls. She was just not liked and I can’t remember the reason she said. Something about just rubbing all their faces in the Jake/Vienna love. So I don’t think the girls necessarily have anything against Vienna for being a B*** but more about just being immature and having no tact. Thanks for the article!
Does anyone doubt that the producers give Jake a $10,000 bonus for every rose ceremony he keeps Vienna around ? makes for good television. just wonder why none of the remaining girls are smart enough to figure that out and to shut up about it. it’s a PRODUCED show for goodness sake !
This has nothing to do with the last episode, but Jake just went into my friends auto shop. He is a guy so of course he didnt ask questions, but he did get his photo taken with him. HA! It is weird that he lives so close to me and we have run-ins with the same people. I can barely watch the show though…the cheesiness and drama makes me cringe.
#154 Kerry, I don’t think they actually have a site up yet, but here’s a few articles about it.
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/01/12/bachelor-spinoff-bachelor-pad/
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2010/01/12/2010-01-12_new_series_bachelor_pad_puts_former_contestants_in_house_together_for_competitio.html
#154 Kerry, no official website yet but if you go read OHCH’s blog on EW.com, he talks about it. Or google for gossip…
Does anyone else find it ridiculous that the girl Jake describes as his perfect match (outdoorsy, fun, easy going) and the girls he keeps picking (high heels, high maintenance, high screechy voices) are not one and the same. For that I’ll give Ali points – she’s the closest to what he says he wants. More like Gillian too I guess. But what men say they want and what they are actually attracted to and go for – very opposite. Funny how that is!
#136 Kate – TOTALLY agree on GIA – OTT. Like nails on a chalk board painful.
I can’t decide what I think of Ali. But, more importantly: Corrie looks like a character in The Sims. I think it’s the ratio of forehead to lips.
I think it is so funny all the girls posting that they don’t get the Vienna hate…I don’t get the Vienna love…what about her is engaging? what about her is cute and funny and likeable? ummmmmm nothing… quite honesly Tenley is probably the only one left who has those qualities. Team Tenley!
I second that @163 Colorado Cat.
I third that @163 Colorado Cat re: Vienna. She’s blah. Tenley I’m not sure about though. She’s a bit too much for me.
yeah, i’m off the vienna train now… i was rooting for her because of the whole “WE don’t like vienna” business. it reminded me of girls in high school who always used “WE” in that context….
i hope if he picks anyone, it’s tenley. she bugs the sh*t outta me, but she’s probably perfect for him…
I was never on a Vienna love train…I just get irriated with the attitude of someone not liking someone for shallow reasons and continuously harping on it, when you know that if they are shallow enough or whatever it is, will come out. And if Jake likes whatever it is Vienna has then obviously he’s not into them or whatever – and vice versa.
They all irritate me so at this point I don’t care who he picks..I’m watching for Lincee’s blog only. The fabricated drama is just too much.
I ‘ve a feeling the former “Mr. Dateless” is just using the show to have fun (ya think??). And who wouldn’t enjoy being the object of desire of a bunch of girls of the kind he would have liked to have dated in high school but didn’t. Maybe that’s why he’s picking the bimbos. He knows he can get serious about finding a wife later, and that this show maybe isn’t the best place for that. Meanwhile, he just has to play the game of pretending to look for her amongst these women.
oh, jakey and tenley are getting along great… means he won’t pick her. poor tenley… i want to be so annoyed by her, but i can’t. it’s like getting annoyed at a kitten.
okay, last comment of mine in a row…
but i’m pretty sure that ali is wearing the exact same outfit she wore when skipping down the street in her admission video…
At our house, we refer to Corrie as “Tenley II”
Oh no! It just occurred to me that one of these final four women will probably be the next bachelorette! I don’t think I can stand watching any of them for another season! Who am I kidding, I said that about Jake. The truth is, as long as Lincee is blogging, I’m in!
From here on out, in my book, Vienna will solely be referred to as Sausage.
i’m not a fan of any of the girls left…. but if i was being honest – jake seems the most normal around vienna…. not as much of that smiling that seems to be a nervous habit of his. i like tenley – but he said she’s the one he most sees as his wife, which means he ends up not picking her…
he obviously really likes Vienna – but i can’t wait to see how the hometown visits go!
(i want one of the parents to ask why a 31 year old man is interested in their 23 yr old daughter and how come he can’t get a girl his own age)
Marus – omg me too!? He is way too old for Vienna! I feel like he’s leaning towards Gia…it’ll be interesting!
Wow this episode is really bad. They could have made this one an hour long episode. Talk about a snooze fest.
Totally boring episode… can’t wait for Lincee to make it worth my time. No pressure, Lincee. (I beleive you can make this episode way better than it was!)
Marus – I was 23 and my hubby was 31 when we got married (and we’ve been together for nearly 30 years). I have to say I believe I was a little more mature than the 23 year olds that are hoping to marry Jake, but it can work!
Can’t wait to see what the hometown dates reaveal! What does Gia’s mom say? I kept rewinding it, and still couldn’t make it out!
Oh, and the perfect music for Vienna when she snuck intp his room – “Pants on the Ground”
Marus – I was 23 and my hubby was 31 when we got married (and we’ve been together for nearly 30 years). I believe I was a little more mature than the 23 year olds that are hoping to marry Jake, but it can work!
Can’t wait to see what the hometown dates reaveal! What does Gia’s mom say? I kept rewinding it, and still couldn’t make it out!
Oh, and the perfect music for Vienna when she snuck intp his room – “Pants on the Ground”
sorry for the double post – slow computer today!
Lori H –
I should’ve clarified…. Vienna is a YOUNG 23. I’ve only ever dated men considerably older than me, but i like to think i’m more mature than her (and now, i’m older too!
)
I didn’t mean to knock the age difference (i’m actually a big fan usually
) but i still think these girls are too young for him.
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