I’d like to get some housekeeping out of the way before we begin the recap.
ATTENTION OKLAHOMA READERS:
I know that some of you know or know of someone who knows Jet and Cord McCoy – the alarmingly adorable brotherly cowboy duo of The Amazing Race. I implore you to do whatever it takes to secure me an introduction. We all know I’m a sucker for a cowboy hat. And belt buckles. And starched jeans. And darling boys in starched jeans. Thank goodness for the Houston Rodeo. Can I get an amen from the congregation?
Wait. Where was I?
Oh right. Come on Oklahoma! Hook a sister up!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled recap.
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closer friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee did?” However, if you or someone on your Facebook page happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover Valentine’s Day candy or have a Bikram Yoga instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
We begin the last leg of this journey listening to Jake channel his former glory days as an airline pilot as he rattles off the weather report for the viewing audience.
Jake: “It’s going to be a beautiful day in Saint Lucia. The weather is 90 degrees in full sunlight. A perfect paradise for falling in love and throwing rocks into the ocean. I expect a turbulent ride these next few days, but that doesn’t stop me from the excitement of seeing my loved one. And by loved one, I mean my Mama.”
Jake goes on to tell the camera that he and Tenley have an amazing level of communication and that she is too good to be true. He follows that statement with the obligatory, “But Vienna and I have lightning hot chemistry.”
Gee. I wonder who he’s going to choose?
Jake: “I knew from the beginning that Tenley was perfect for me. I’ve never communicated on a level like that before. But Vienna is a vixen. We don’t even have to talk because her tongue is down my throat all the time. And she calls me Baby. She makes me feel like I’m the only guy in the room.”
Hey Jake. Call me crazy, but aren’t you the only guy in the room most of the time? Feeling a bit intimidated by the key grip and ABC intern are we? Trust me. No one is going to pull a Roz ever again. The ABC lawyers are all over that situation. Now if they want to lie about their job to get out of the game so they can be the next Bachelorette…that’s totally acceptable.
Our confused Bachelor is excited to see his family and all but cries tears of joy when he enters the cabana to find not only his parents, but two brother and “the sisters-in-law.” He claims to be very relieved that they all put their medical practices on hold to come to his rescue and offer a second set of eyes on his future wife’s resumes.
Jake: “Seriously family unit…I could marry either one of these girls. They are night and day different.”
Sister-in-Law 1: “But which one fits the unit?”
Jake: “I don’t know. I need help.”
Dad: “Do they make you laugh?”
Jake: “Yes Father. They do. And they laugh at my cheese ass jokes.”
Sister-in-Law 2: “Wow. They are special women. Bring them to us and we will decide who is best for you young Jake. Leave it to the women.”
Jake: “You will meet Tenley first. She’s 25 and has a ton of experience. We connect emotionally. Then there’s Vienna. She is drop dead gorgeous. She came to meet me. ME! And she didn’t make any friends. The girls hated her.”
A red flag literally rose from the back of Jake’s Mom’s Sallie’s head at that precise moment. Her eyes began to squint and her lips pursed with disdain. She exchanges glances with “the sisters-in-law” and then softens her voice to speak.
Sallie: “My son. She is a girl that all the other girls didn’t like? There’s something to that dear one. Listen to reason.”
Jake tells the camera that he feels like a colossal dufus for leading his mother into a negative opinion of Vienna.
Tenley approaches the cabana with a darling coral dress and perfectly coiffed springing curls fresh off the iron and a spray tan that glistens in the afternoon sun. She has a ginormous bouquet of exotic flowers that she presents to her future mother-in-law before making the round extending hugs to everyone.
Immediately, Sallie and “the sisters-in-law” are at ease as Tenley begins her romantic comedy soliloquy of how she and Jake are falling in love. She regales that the one thing that makes her admire Jake so much is that his character is strong and a direct reflection of his parents’ upbringing.
Jake’s Dad begins to cry, which makes Jake cry. The brothers get emotional and head outside. I assume so they can Mesnick out on the balcony overlooking the sulpher springs. “The sisters-in-law” begin to smile as Sallie takes Tenley outside, away from the emotional roller coaster helmed by the men in her life, so she can really ask the important questions.
Sallie: “Let’s say you had a fight with your sister…”
Tenley: “M’am. I apologize for interrupting. But I make it a point to never argue. One should settle any discrepancies over a nice batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies and a glass of ice cold milk. Or spoonful of sugar.”
Sallie: “OK. Let me put this another way. Conflict. Have you ever had any conflict in your life? I mean, aside from having to make your outfits out of curtains you find in your bedroom? Or being stuck in that tower all the live long day before my son came riding up to save you on his white horse?”
Tenley: “Oh my goodness. Yes. This is something I don’t like to talk about more than once a day, but I need to tell you a secret.”
Sallie: “Let me guess. You pricked your finger on a spinning wheel once? Look Rapunzel, it is very important that ‘the sisters-in-law’ get along well. The women are the glue that hold this family together. I raised a bunch of pansies and need to know that you can handle the heat in the kitchen.”
Tenley: “Of course. I love cooking. I’m a baker. You should try my strawberry cupcakes. They are famous. But I do need to tell you about my past. I was married. And he left. But I’m here. I don’t give up. And I want to be in this family and be one of ‘the sisters-in-law’ because Jake is an incredible man. He is so beautiful.”
Sallie gives the thumbs up sign to “the sisters-in-law” and tells Jake that Tenley has her stamp of approval and that the other girl shouldn’t bother showing up. Meanwhile, Tenley makes the father cry again during her alone time and they share a Kleenex.
Jake tells his Mom that Tenley hasn’t seen his fun side. He wonders if she will be able to let loose and not be so perfect.
Sallie: “You and your brothers are TOUGH. I didn’t raise a bunch of girly men. You tell her that you like to rough house and wrestle and be playful because you are a MAN who grew up with BROTHERS and that’s what you do.”
Jake: “I know Mama. I little organized rough housing in which the rules are clearly stated beforehand is good for the soul. I should put her to a test and see if she’s spontaneous.”
Jake finds Tenley with his Dad’s head in her lap, jerks her up and runs for the pool. He stops. Takes off his kicky orange super sports watch (that is probably waterproof if I had to guess) flings off his flip flops and jumps in.
So spontaneous.
Then Tenley follows and they make out in the deep end. Shortly after, the older mute brothers check with their wives and their mother to see if they can be spontaneous too. All three give the nod, watches and shoes are removed and two more bodies enter the deep end for a big, wet, awkward group hug. Tenley removes herself as the brothers continue to embrace.
The women are inside planning defense against “the other girl” and Dad is Mesnicking poolside.
All is right with the world.
The next day, Vienna shows up outside the cabana waving to Jake and calling him Baby. He melts, takes her hand and walks to a secluded bench. He reminds her that she just needs to be herself.
Vienna: “I’m nervous to meet your family. No one ever likes me at first.”
Jake: “Just be yourself. You are good at that. Please keep your shirt down so my Mama doesn’t see your weird tattoo and we should be fine. Oh. And keep your mouth shut as much as possible. Ready?”
Vienna enters the living room nervously grabbing her hair extensions. She leads off the conversation by telling the family that she is from a small town in Florida. Oh yeah. And the girls hated her from the beginning.
Sallie shuts down. She’s done.
Sister-in-Law 1 says that Vienna is controversial.
Sister-in-Law 2 tells the camera that she thinks Vienna has no class.
Sallie: “Did you have trouble getting along with the other girls?”
Vienna: “Yep.”
Sister-in-Law 1: “Why is that?”
Vienna: “Because I’m brutally honest.”
Sister-in-Law 2: “You couldn’t be more different than Tenley.”
Vienna: “I know. I’m not a robot.”
Sister-in-Law 1: “If you are so honest, tell me. Am I pretty?”
Vienna: “Yes.”
Sister-in-Law 1: “Does this outfit make me look fat?”
Vienna: “Yes. Just kidding.”
Sallie is ready to stab Vienna with her shrimp fork.
Lincee is cheering Vienna on. This is fabulous TV.
Sister-in-Law 2: “What do you like about Jake?”
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
Vienna: “I don’t know. He’s sweet. Most of the time.”
Sallie is done. She aggressively places her napkin on the bamboo place mat and asks/tells Jake to take a walk with her.
Sallie: “Jake. I worry about ‘the sisters-in-law’ and ‘her’ ability to get along with them. I’m going to tell her that. I can’t sit here and watch you choose this over Tenley. She is gong to poke fun. Can you imagine? Look down the road. Look at how she will poke fun! We don’t tolerate poking in this family!”
Jake: “But Mama…”
Sallie: “Are you defending her Jake?”
Jake tells the camera that he thinks his Mama and Vienna are not meshing well. Then he admits that he feels like he’s always trying to talk people into liking Vienna. What is up with that?
It’s called thinking with the big head and not the little head Jake. You should try it.
Meanwhile, “the sisters-in-law” have ambushed Vienna. Naturally, Vienna is oblivious.
SIL1: “What is your opinion of Tenley?”
Vienna: “She’s sweet but she has no opinions. It was really annoying. She doesn’t know the Jake I know.”
SIL2: “And which Jake might that be?”
Vienna: “I challenge him. He likes it.”
SIL1: “Is Jake in love with you?”
Vienna: “Yes.”
SIL1: “With Tenley?”
Vienna: “No.”
SIL2: “You are going to feel pretty stupid when he picks Tenley.”
Vienna: “I can’t see my life without him. I love Jake and want him to be happy. If Tenley is the one, it will break my heart, but oh well.”
Vienna leaves to face Sallie. “The sisters-in-law” find Jake to report their intel.
SIL1: “She is abrasive when you first meet her. After we talked, we know that she really cares about you and see you for who you are.”
SIL2: “I just think that when I first met her, I judged her. And I’m feeling guilty about that. Let’s hug it out. She is a great girl with a heart of gold.”
EXCUSE ME? What in the world just happened here? Hold the phone and rewind, because I think we have just experienced a major chunk of editing! The non-crying sister-in-law is crying over VIENNA? Jake is crying because the non-crying sister-in-law is crying? Vienna has cracked the Mom?
I smell conspiracy theory. Money has been exchanged. Is there a Mob in Florida? Because somebody’s Daddy is a member for sure.
One-On-One Date with Vienna
Jake decides to brave the pungent odor of sulpher springs in order to get all hot and bothered rubbing mud on his White Lightning Lover. Vienna ordered a new hot pink bikini from Victoria Secret because she didn’t want to mess up her green one with the ruffle.
Jake: “We can’t keep our hands off each other. There is a natural chemistry.”
And there was mud. And rubbing. And more mud. And more rubbing. Vienna smears mud on Jake’s washboard abs and begins to draw pictures.
Vienna: “This is what I want to do to you later.”
Jake doesn’t get it because he’s looking at the graphic upside down. The ABC Intern quickly runs in and dumps more mud on the X-rated drawing and reminds Vienna that this is a family show and encourages her to write something sweeter. She giggles and opts for “I Love You” in perfect penmanship.
After five minutes of what could have been aired as a soft porn promo for Cinemax, Jake and Vienna take it to the waterfall so they can rinse off. I’m assuming Vienna lost her bottoms along the way because somehow she managed to have on purple board shorts when they headed to the rinsing station. Another five minutes of rubbing and touching in the water and the producers have fulfilled their “steamy” obligation in their contract with ABC.
Vienna dresses in her signature color green for her sexy date night with Jake. Panties were clearly optional. They toast to the last date on this journey and begin to re-enact their mud date.
Jake: “I would be lying if I said I didn’t thoroughly enjoy covering Vienna in mud today. But I don’t want physical attraction to get in the way of my judgment.”
He starts to have his first normal conversation with Vienna, making sure to put at least two feet of space between them so she can’t confuse him with her boobs and tongue.
Jake: “Can I ask you a question? What was it like being married for three weeks?”
Vienna: “The best part was that Hooters catered our reception. Other than that, it was pretty lame. There was no love. (She inches closer.) There was no passion. (She touches his thigh.) We were dumb kids.”
Vienna presents Jake with a box she made by spray painting shells she found on the beach. Inside, there is a note rolled up like a scroll. Her promise-to-never-run-off-and-get-married-again-ring is holding the rolled up note together.
Jake reads the note out loud. He looks like he’s about to hurl in the mosquito netting that surrounds the bed. Instead, Vienna says she wants to fall asleep in his arms. That’s when Jake begins to cry. And whisper sweet nothings into his beloved’s ear.
Then they do the thing she drew on his abs, but that wasn’t on TV.
One-On-One Date with Tenley
Immediately, you can tell that Jake is forcing happiness with Tenley. The tension oozes from his body the minute he runs to greet her in a position that I once saw on the greatest of all time movies Urban Cowboy. However, Bud and Sissy executing this maneuver were much cooler than Jake and Tenley.
They board a yacht. They snorkel. They look at mountains through binoculars. There was no mud. There was not heat.
In fact, there was a great big “I AM SO NOT IN TO YOU” face that Jake wore the entire date, that I’m surprised Tenley didn’t demand to be taken back to her tree house immediately.
And to make matters worse, Jake decides this moment to reveal his true feelings. Well…sort of.
Jake: “Tenley…you captivate me on every level emotionally. It’s so deep. Are you concerned at all about how the emotional is alarmingly high and sometimes it feels like the physical isn’t as high?”
Tenley looks at Jake like he’s grown an additional head from his body. Jake senses danger.
Jake: “What I mean is that it’s not sexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But you know, it’s not crazy, mad, compassionate or even love. Does that make sense?”
Tenley: “I think we have heat, but do you not think we do?”
Jake: “Girl. Heat is VIENNA and she was on fire yesterday in the sulpher springs. Man. She drew this thing on my belly and I was all, ‘What’s that?’ and she was all, ‘I’ll show you later.’ Do you have anything you’d like to draw on me? I can find some mud or maybe a magic marker.”
Tenley gathers her raw emotions and begins her speech:
“Jake. I want a man who loves all of me. I want them to love me as much as possible. Did you know I had an ex-husband who did not do that? That’s right Jake. I was married before. And it hurts to know that you think we don’t have physical chemistry. But I will continue to smile and sing and dance. Because you can’t take those away from me.”
Later in Tenley’s tree house, Jake confesses that he didn’t mean to hurt her feelings and that he was sorry. Jake says that her eyes and teeth are pretty. Tenley refuses to clue in on the fact that he never really said they had heat and forgets that there was still no spark and goes on to tell the camera that she can’t wait to join Jake’s family.
She presents Jake with a home made shadow box filled with mementos of their time on the show together. Jake begins to kiss Tenley while she still holds the box. His eyes are shut so tight, just willing a spark.
Alas. There is none.
When you are The Bachelor, the best way to ponder about loving two women in your life is to take your shirt off, roll up your pajama pant legs and dip your feet in a reflecting pool.
If you are Tenley, you put on your striped bikini and have your morning coffee on the veranda of your tree house and dream of living there forever…Swiss Family style.
If you are Vienna, you take a walk on the beach and draw a heart in the sand. Then you wash off in a see-through shower on national TV.
And if you are the diamond sponsor of Season 27 of The Bachelor like Neil Lane, you give the poor confused guy two rings to hold on to until he chooses his bride.
Rose Ceremony
After long montages of the girls getting ready and Jake crying, we see our beloved Host Chris Harrison standing in the tall grass waiting for the first girl to arrive via helicopter. Not a hair is out of place as he takes the hand of the golden goddess Tenley. He marches her to the end of the Bridge of Doom as Jake waits in a sea of begonias on the other side.
Tenley tells the camera that she is ready to leave her past behind and start the rest of her life. She will give her heart to Jake.
And he will hand it right back.
Jake: “I love that we have the same values, morals, temperament and ideas on life. Your positivity is infectious. But there is not heat. You are perfect. But there’s something that is not there.”
Tenley goes on to hold her head up high and be a gracious loser for about 10 minutes. I feel the best way to portray this part of the episode would be through one of my famous MINICAPS.
Jake crying. Tenley crying. Tenley hurting. Lots of thanking. Lots of crying. Declaration of loving. Remembering how to love. Learning to love again. Giving of hearts. Apologizing. Crying. Crying. Tears. A bit of snot. Ugly crying. Feeling special. Mascara running. Hand holding. Bridge escorting. Pausing. More crying. More questions. Silver lining searching. No heat. No magic. Fake smiling. Death gripping. Saying goodbye nine times. More thanking. More crying. Our Host yelling GET ON WITH IT. One last look. Tears. Execution of the Half-Mesnick.
After Jake collects himself, he waits as Our Host escorts his green Grecian love across the Bridge of Doom. Vienna blurts out that she is in love. Jake gives an aw-shucks grin and asks, “Really?”
No Captain Obvious. She’s only told you every day for the past eight weeks.
Jake gives her the please-don’t-get-married-in-Vegas-again-because-I-just-might-beat-the-guy-to-a-pulp-and-go-to-jail ring from her father back and replaces it with the Neil Lane one. He gets the biggest cheese ass look on his face and tells Vienna he loves her and asks her to marry him.
Cue the “Wings of Love” video montage. Nice.
AFTER THE FINAL ROSE
Before I’ve had the opportunity to digest what’s going on, Our Host Chris Harrison is bringing out Tenley so we can reflect on the emotional day that we just watched less than 14 minutes ago.
After talking about the proper definition of physical chemistry and her ex-husband, I still have no time to process the fact that Jake is coming out to meet Tenley in the hot seat. SLOW DOWN HARE!
Jake comes out and hugs Tenley long enough for her to be overpowered by how good he smells. We know this because she admitted it on TV. Awkward.
Ten: “How are you? Are you happy?”
Jake: “I’m good. Yes, I’m happy. I haven’t told my Mama yet, but I don’t care. I will stand up to the family if it kills me. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR LIKE THE REST OF YOU OKAY? I DON’T WANT TO BE A PILOT EITHER. I JUST WANT TO DANCE!”
Hare: “Easy Jakey Boy. Calm down. Tell Tenley again that you had no physical chemistry so she can go choreograph an interpretive dance and we can start the after party!”
Ten: “Yeah Jake. I just don’t understand what was missing.”
Jake: “I wanted a spark to be there. Truly I did. My family loves you and that is so important to me. I probably won’t ever get to go back to Christmas in Dallas again. ‘The sisters-in-law’ would never accept me. But my heart just wasn’t in it and I had to follow my heart.”
Ten: “I think it was unfair to Vienna that you were so attached to me at the end. I wouldn’t want to be in that position.”
The Audience: “BURN! OH NO SHE DIDN’T!”
Jake: “I will always love you no matter what Tenley. You have a life friend. This is not goodbye. Vienna will be okay with it. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be hard pressed to talk her into a threesome. Besides, I need a backup because when Sallie meets the Vienna parents, it’s going to be sad and she’ll probably make me break up with her. Can you hang on for a few months until my contract is up with ABC? And will you vote for me on Dancing with the Stars?”
Tenley kisses him on the cheeks and twirls off the stage.
OHCH: “Dude. How tough was that?”
Jake: “It was hard. She’s such a great friend. But Vienna is my Baby.”
[Cue “awwwww” from the audience.]
OHCH: “So what is it about her besides the obvious?”
Jake: “She’s passionate. Romantic. Adventuresome. Protective.”
OHCH: “She carries condoms in her purse?”
Jake: “Precisely.”
OHCH: “That’s great Jake. Now it’s time for me to throw you under the bus and make my favorite blogger Lincee Ray the happiest person on the face of the earth. You were a bit emotional this year and even had a couple of Mesnicks along the way. Do you feel like a total door knob? Or are you okay with it because most of them were just half-Mesnicks?”
Jake: “Ha. Ha. Very funny Chris.”
OHCH: “On the serious. I’m happy for you guys. She wasn’t the popular choice. In fact…she was down right controversial. And you know how we love those ratings! You pleasantly surprised me by growing a pair and telling everyone to be damned! You are not here to please anyone but yourself.”
Jake: “My Mama is going to kill me, but I think I can be quite happy in a swamp in Florida.”
Enter Vienna. Thank goodness someone got a hold of her hair. NO ROOTS!
OHCH: “Wow Vienna. Everyone hated you. Even the tabloids. What’s that about?”
Vienna, forever clueless or careless, just giggles and smiles and keeps her focus on Our Host Chris Harrison’s hair line.
Vienna: “I know! They say I have a secret boyfriend. So secret…I don’t even know him.”
Bah dum dum.
Jake: “You know what Chris? That’s okay that people don’t get my decision. I know her heart and her value and her passion. She is the best girl for me given my choices on this show. Everyone will have to trust me. Do you hear that Mama? TRUST ME. It’s my life and I listened to my heart. The fact that she never wears underwear had nothing to do with my decision. NOTHING.”
After announcing that Vienna will move to Dallas immediately and me wondering how that is going to happen because Jake will have to be in Los Angeles to film Dancing with the Stars, Our Host Chris Harrison presents them with a vacation back to Saint Lucia.
But that’s not all.
In order for him to drop the charges against illegally using his lyrics at least two times per episode, ABC springs for the effervescent Jeffery Osborne to serenade the couple with…you guessed it…ON THE WINGS OF LOVE!
It was, perhaps, THE most painful serenade in front of a live studio audience ever filmed. I fast forwarded. I will not tell a lie.
But Harrison is not done. Oh no. It’s time for the most dramatic reveling in ABC history. Who will be the new Bachelorette debuting this May? Hold on to your hats ladies and gentleman, because ALI is here to stay.
Wah. Wah.
I can not tell a lie. I fast forwarded again. I can only assume that her work understands that she will have to be away from her duties for more than two weeks why she pilfers through 25 buxom young men just waiting for her to straddle them like she did Jake in the meadow that day.
So that’s it green beaners! I have to say it’s been a fun ride this episode. ABC kept us on our toes! And to learn that Jake is competing on Dancing with the Stars? And Ali is the new Bachelorette? And Jason and Molly’s wedding is airing Monday? And 20/20 is having a special on behind the scenes of The Bachelor?
This is not goodbye. This is hang on for the ride through the summer!
Besides the Bachelor, we will have Idol recaps (TEAM BOWERSOX), another exciting installment of Big Pimpin’ and probably a post on my unnatural obsession with the TV show Chuck.
And remember…someone needs to help find me the McCoy brothers!
Until then, I’m all about the shame…not the fame,
Lincee
This recap, as always, was AMAZING.
And this episode? Wow. Just WOW. I can’t believe the level of cheesiness they reached this time around! Especially with Jeffery Osbourne! CRAZY sauce!
PS. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Chuck! Please post about it!!!!
I did not even watch after Tenley left. Jake and Vienna sort of make me nauseous.
BAHAHAHAHA: It’s called thinking with the big head and not the little head Jake. You should try it.
I. DIE.
You’re the best, Lincee!
I’m no help in actually meeting the McCoy brothers, but one of my friends and her sister dated them all through high school. And their mom takes senior pictures in my hometown. That is the closest brush with fame EVER.
Lincee, amazing recap as always! Thank you for making mention of the morning coffee in the bikini and the awkward family pool time.
I’m with you on the McCoy brothers! As for the bachelor, I give the relationship 2 months. Jake is experiencing lust, not love. Vienna must have some freaky tricks.
Re: Cowboys. They can be summed up thusly: Oh my gravy, they are cute!!
a rewind on dvr proved that the “purple board shorts” were digitally inserted courtesy of ABC…..
Well, this is when I say good-bye to the Bachelor/Bachelorette phenomenon. If there was no doubt before, Ali being the next Bachelorette prooves ABC is not the least sincere in helping two people find “true love”, but rather prefers to exploit themselves and the participants. Granted, Ali also prooves it’s a two-way street. Manipulation and dishonesty have become a sport re: this show (and others) and well, I just can’t be a spectator anymore.
Time out:
“Dad is Mesnicking poolside”.
AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!
Ok, time in.
Oh My Gravy! I don’t know those guys but if I get any scoop I will let you know!
Jake does not have enough blood in his body to properly operate BOTH a brain and a tallywhacker. Oh boy, is he going to be doing a retro cringe when the blood makes it up past his eyebrows again. WHAT DID I DO??????????????
Yay! I’m so glad he picked Vienna!! Congrats to both of them!!
…and when jake ‘whispers sweet nothings’, he literally…literally whispers sweet nothings. that dude said nothing interesting or meaningful or humorous or spontaneous that entire show.
and much MUCH respect on the Bud and Sissy shout out. “They say we live like PIGS!!”
OHCH: “So what is it about her besides the obvious?”
Jake: “She’s passionate. Romantic. Adventuresome. Protective.”
OHCH: “She carries condoms in her purse?”
Jake: “Precisely.”
Lincee, you are such a gem. I usually giggle to myself while reading this, but today you had me downright cracking up. I can’t wait for the disaster that we shall call… The Bachelor Pad… dum dum DUUUUUM!
GAG on Ali being the next bach. Really? Can we PLEASE get some new faces…and not the same girls on repeat? she was normal and then became bossy and crazy. Do we care if she finds love or ruins another pair of suede boots?? NOT SO MUCH.
This has always been bad t.v but it’s almost so bad that I might have to give it up.
It’s been downhill since DeYAWNna
Trashy Women by Confederate Railroad
I like my women just a little on the trashy side…
…When I showed up at the door with a date for the senior prom.
They said: “Well, pardon us, son, she ain’t no kid.
That’s a cocktail waitress in a Dolly Parton wig.”
I said: “I know it, dad. Ain’t she cool, That’s the kind I dig.”
‘Nuff said.
Thanks for a great recap. I just don’t get it. Either he really is picking with the wrong head or the editing is really bad. I hope 20/20 can clear up alot of my questions with their 2 hr special.
Looking forward to Ali as the next bachelorette. My husband really liked her and thought she and Jake made a great couple. Perfect balance between Tenley and Vienna.
My favorite radio djs in Chicago were talking about the episode this morning and said “I give it until Easter”. Agreed, Eric Ferguson, agreed! I think Tinley was very classy and, honestly, will end up with someone better than Jake. It’s just sad for her that Jake is what she wanted and he chose Vienna. I think the most shocking part of the night was when Jake was announced as a DWTS contestant. That’ll be painful. ABC needs to reconsider recycling their reality show stars. It’d be nice to see a brand new bachelorette/bachelor one of these days….Great recap, Lincee. Per usual!
OHCH putting Jake on a scale “from zero to Mesnick a 3 or 4″ – maybe the best quote of all time.
LOVE the AR cowboys! Keep us posted on meeting those dudes! SOMEONE will come through!
I’m SO glad this season is over! THEE worst and so dang corny! What 30ish guy talks like Jake?
ABC, we do not ALL love Ali!
The ONLY reason I’ll watch Ali’s season is to fully enjoy these recaps! Love you, Lincee!!
Personally, not a cowboy fan…but do love Jet and Cord on the Amazing Race. As for The Batch…I really was hoping that Jake would rise above the predictions that this season would be the most lame season ever. Jake should have just kept showing off his shirtless chest all season…it would have been an improvement over his cheesy, pointless comments. Your recap pretty much says it all.
Well, there will be no little “Belles”, ” Auroras” or “Cindys” in Jake’s future.
I’m wondering about the editing during Vienna’s visit with Jake’s family as well. Was a hex put on the sisters-in-law? The mama?
When Jake said, “I just have to figure out which one of them has my heart.” I could NOT stop laughing. I pictured the old pick-which-hand-the-coin-is-in trick often played on kids. Slap a hand, hand turns over to reveal. . . OOPS! Tenley does NOT have my heart! Pop the other hand. . . AHHH, there it is–in Vienna’s hand. Or was that another body part?
Thanks for another great season of hilarious recaps, Lincee! You were truly the reason to keep watching. I can’t believe Jake is going to be on Dancing with the Stars and not Tenley. Think of how great her interpretive dances would be! Maybe they couldn’t pick her because she was already a dancer?
Looking forward to your Idol recaps… I am really into this season! Hoping Kara will stop lusting after that one guy with the blonde hair – he IS hot but it’s really annoying me and it’s totally inappropriate!
Lincee, I have enjoyed your hilarious recaps all season long… definitely the highlight of my Tuesdays at work. While there were many cringe-worthy moments last night, OHCH took the cake when he called Ali “greedy” during her introduction. You might have to go back and watch him mock her when she asked for 50 guys! I’ve watched this show for a long time, but I can’t stand to watch 2 more minutes of Ali on my TV… I’ll just get the facts here
Thanks for the blog!
Great recap, Lincee! Thanks for making this season– and every season, really– bearable.
One of my favorite quotes of the night was when Jake said something to/about Tenley like, “For some part of me… it’s just not coming naturally.” I snickered like a 14-year-old boy. Gee, Jake… I wonder which part of you that is?!
I’m all for not regurgitating people for the next ep of the Bach/ette, but at least the last few couples are still together! Shocked that Jake/Vienna have lasted 3 months already!
Um…so did anyone else think that Tenley “spent the night” with him on their last date?? She said something like “I’m going to prove to him that we have chemistry…” the lights went out, and the camera man zoomed out from the bedroom window, a la Fantasy Date night. I’m surprised, given her prior feelings on that subject, but she might have thrown caution to the wind and given him more than a Disney song and dance. If so, I’m even sadder for her. She seems like a genuinely sweet girl.
I agree that the complete turnaround of Jake’s family about Vienna seemed fishy. My guess is that one of the “staffers” reminded them that Vienna would be able to see all their nasty comments on TV and, should Jake choose her, they would probably regret it.
So glad I read the spoilers about this season – otherwise I would have been throwing stuff at my TV.
I might be the only person in America but I really like Vienna and I am happy for her and Jake. I hope they last forever just to proof all of you wrong…!
Last night as I was cringing through the show, it dawned on me…Jake has White Knight Syndrome. You know, one of those guys who likes damaged girls. He wants to feel powerful and protective over his women. That’s why it was Tenly and Vienna at the end…both girls who had ex-husbands and damaged past relationships.
They should have thrown Jennifer Aniston in there…maybe she would have finally found love on the wings…um, of love.
Great recap!
I TOO have an obsession with CHUCK! What IS it about that show, and specifically, Chuck?! I love him!
Well I’m just relieved we don’t have to hear Jake say “how are YOUU” anymore… oh wait DWTS. They should have picked Tenley for Dancing btw after her interpretive marriage dance!
Jet and Cord McCoy are about the sweetest ever! Knew Jet from college and my husband knew them both in HS. Jet’s married with a kid (we think)…. aren’t they doing so great, though!?!? They have such funny one-liners that are cracking us up and caushing us to rewind the DVR!
The Bachelor… ugh… I have lot some love for Jake with his choice, his leading Tenley on (LOVED that she called him out on it on stage), and the fact he’s doing DWTS right after this show… okay, Melissa Jr….
Hey, I had the big head/little head crack this morning in my comments! I don’t get a reference. Scholarly documentation just isn’t what it used to be….
Oh my gravy, they don’t have to run like scalded dogs!! I love Jet and Cord McCoy!! By far, my favorite pair on Amazing Race. Please Lord, do not put Jake and his sausage as a pair on the Amazing Race. It will be another Zack and Flo moment.
As for this season….Thank goodness for the DVR. I watched 3 hours in about 45 minutes, if that, between the phone calls to my bestest friend so we could discuss what was really needed to see. Have to say I probably won’t be watching the Ali debacle…and now will be hardpressed to watch DWTS. Jake, stop bringing my shows down.
Neil Lane was the most interesting part of this episode.
Ugh. I tivo’d the final rose and just didn’t have the stomach to watch. After being in love with Jake last year, he has turned into a total tool this season. I saw him and Vienna on regis and kelly today, and she (Vienna) just comes across as a total airhead. I don’t know how anyone can say they are a cute couple….Oh well. On to the next season! I wouldn’t watch anymore if it weren’t for these recaps!
What’s with all the sleeveless dresses?
I only watch this show because of Lincee’s recap…although to be honest, thanks to what we here in Canada call “PVR”, I only watch about 60% of it.
But here’s another little salon.com that explains why we get sucked in. It made me feel a little better about myself. Hopefully it’ll do the same for one or some of you…
http://www.salon.com/entertainment/tv/the_bachelor/index.html?story=/ent/tv/feature/2010/03/01/bachelor
I really think Jake chose Vienna solely on the fact that she was “the bad girl” — he kept referring to his past relationships how he dated were the safe choice and how on the bachelor he dated “out of his comfort zone.” hahaha I almost died when he said “I never felt this much heat” or “Vienna’s my baby”. But seriously ABC outdid itself when it got jeffrey osborne to sing “On the Wings of Love” – I could have gone throughout life without that awkward moment seeing Jake and Vienna makeout on stage.
AMEN-To the Houston Rodeo
Just watching now – LOVE Tenley’s dress! Beautiful. And Jake’s tie is ridiculous. This is what happens when he makes decisions without mommy and daddy…
Glad you called out the major editing that went into Jake’s family suddenly loving Vienna. My friend asked whether or not Vienna did voodoo magic on them when the cameras weren’t looking.
I forsee an empty bank account and Jake: The Bachelor 2.0 before the summer.
#34 – I think you could be right about Jake having White Knight Syndrome. The other girls ganging up on Vienna made him feel even more protective of her. Had they not made such a big deal about her, he might have grown tired of her earlier in the season. Instead he kept defending Vienna and saw him as the hero that can swoop down to rescue her from the gutter.
Poor, damaged Tenley was the “perfect” damsel in distress waiting for Prince Charming to come rescue her. When she emerged on her balcony in her striped bikini with coffee in hand, I expected her to let out a little song and have a blue bird come land on her shoulder.
He also tried to swoop in to rescue Jillian from the big, bad villian.
Jake likes playing the hero….which is good because Vienna needs a lot of rescuing!!!
I agree the editing of Jake’s family with Vienna seems off. My guess is that in talking with Jake throughout the day they realized that Vienna was the girl he was leaning towards. He probably made his SILs feel bad about not respecting his choice, which is why they were really crying. I honestly don’t think they did a complete 180 on their opinion of Vienna.
Those who have commented on not hearing anything from Jake’s brothers…it really isn’t surprising to me. ABC is a family network and after they edited out their comments like “nice t*ts, honk, honk”, “bet you can bounce a quarter off her @ss” and “hey, she looks like this girl on this promotional calendar I got”…there really wasn’t much else the show could air from his brothers.
mesnicking…..love it! priceless!
Sorry. I’m old…have to comment as I read the recap or I’ll otherwise forget…..
Lincee, I could have sworn that spray painted box party sausage girl gave Jake the Jerk was her First Church of What’s Happening Now VBS project from last summer….so is it really made from St. Lucian beach shells?
Great recap! He soooo was picky Vienna no matter what anybody told him.
And I read somewhere that Ali resigned her position at Facebook so NOBODY can call her back this time.
I do have to say I thought she was amazingly sweet in her reaction to how beloved she was by the audience.
Vienna would not have been my pick but you can’t force chemistry, she definitely was in love with him and because I am a romantic at heart I wish them well.
Did they say that Ali’s show will air in May or begin filming in May?????
Oh and I loved that OHCH called him out on the Mesnicks!!!!
Oh my gravy…I am maried to a cowboy but those two are so great! Lincee, must I say that last night I told my husband…”Look at Vienna’s butt, she’s not wearing any underwear”…and then my 9 year old son said “where” and I realized that was a stupid thing to come out of my mouth. So when you said “panties optional” I about lost it and laughed so hard I’m surprised I didn’t get fired. You are the best and I always LOVE to read your blogs! I must say this is one of the funniest you have done this season. Team Tenley!!!
Lincee, try getting The Pioneer Woman (a blogging colleague) of yours to hook you up with those Oklahoma cowboys….she loves TAR and and with a ranch the size of Drummond’s surely she’s got the connections…..or someone who does….
The best line ever…”No Captain Obvious. She’s only told you every day for the past eight weeks.” I’ve been laughing out loud all day whenever I think about it!!!
I think that Jake is immature and rebellious. He mentioned that he “rebelled” against his family by becoming a pilot instead of a physician like all of the other male members of his family. He is now rebelling by choosing a woman that will in no way ever fit in with his family or that they will approve of.
That undefined “it” is important in a relationship but certainly should not be the deciding factor in one’s supposed quest to find a wife. I think Jake liked that Vienna pursued him. He’s a dork and not used to some crazy, aggressive woman wanting him and going after him. With Tenley he would actually have to do what normal people do and date and build a relationship with some depth.
Also, for the record…there is no way that Jake is Vienna’s type. My guess is she milks out her 15 minutes and then dumps him. No way is she sticking with boring, Texas living, 32-year old pilot, Jake.
Obvious Question #1 -Where was Jake’s HOT Brother that is the trainer of that show “The Diet Tribe”? Vienna had “shifty” eyes -often looking up in to space while on the “hot seat” with Chris last night -deception abounds…I say she sits front and center for a few DWTS and then will bail (how many weeks will Jake be able to do the boxstep work?)….Jake admits that most of his relationships last a year…Wonder what Momma and SIL’s (liked them) think of the whole tabloid rumors of Vienna stealing her injured solider’s husbands $ for fake boobs? OH and Obvious Comment #1 -” There is something so natural about Vienna..” gee is it the hair extensions or the boobs?! Good luck!
Thanks for another great season Lincee:)
#58 Jessie and Jake are distant cousins not brothers.
#34 – you are totally right about the White Knight thing! I never thought of it that way, but it is so true!! You would think that Jake would have figured out that this way of thinking hasn’t worked for him. As Dr. Laura says, “a damsel in distress, is usually just a distressed damsel!” That sums up Vienna pretty well I think!
Also, Lincee great recap! Was cracking up! I am with you and absolutely could not stomach watching Jake and Vienna during the Wings of Love serenade!! I had to fast forward too because I was pretty grossed out. So awkward!
I have to admit, through the season, I thought Jake was a bit admirable, always going on about his morals, doing the right thing, looking for beauty on the inside, not sex appeal – but heart appeal. This last episode really showed that he is a total hypocrite. He dumped Tenley because he didn’t have the “throwdown and do her” desire like he had with Vienna. He chose boobs over content of character that he claimed was so important to him. I lost a lot of respect for him last night!
Aunt B–I LOVE the Pioneer Woman!
I will start looking for the McCoy brothers!!
I too, fast-forwarded thru the cheese-solo. …and what we really need to look forward to is the Bachelor Pad. Bring it!
I LOVE CHUCK! Lincee – please give us your thoughts on this amazing television show and its adorably hunky favorite Nerd Herder
So did anyone else notice how when he was looking down at the 2 rings the round one was on his left side and the princess cut one was on his right side. Then when he closed the 2 rind boxes and put one down he did it to the one on the right side. (Which was the princess cut) and held onto the one on the right when he announced he knew who he was going to pick. Dang you ABC leading us astray.
Evidentally I drank the kool-aid ABC was feeding us because I totally thought Jake and Vienna looked genuinely happy last night. He really was a different person with her – meaning, I think he was putting on a front with the other women and he was himself with Vienna. My fav line of your blog was that Sallie raised a bunch of pansies and the sisters-in-law had to keep that family together.
Hare was off his game when he didn’t even ask Ali about what she thought about Jake picking Vienna. She will be a very vanilla bachelorette but I’ll watch anyway just to read your recaps
CO Girl — I noticed the switched ring boxes also and KNEW that it was on purpose. It was pretty obvious he was going for the hot girl he could never get before. The one thing that really bothered me was that Vienna said more than once that “this is the life I always wanted” and something about it being the fairy tale she had always dreamed about. Not the MAN I always wanted, but the LIFE I always wanted. I think she did anything she could to get out of the swamp. Un. Be. Lievable if the stuff about her mother is true. I know you can’t pick your relatives, so I guess you can’t hold that against her, but the gene pool could be a bit muddy.
I do think that they both THINK they are in love at the moment, but reality is going to set in once all the TV guest shots are over with and the water settles. Wild Child is going to be a bit bored with Jake, methinks, when life gets back to the mundane lifestyle he lived before Bach/ette.
How many, many times did Sallie say SISTER-IN-LAWS?!
Not sure why, perhaps I am delirious from staying up so late, but your line “…when they headed to the rinsing station” made me laugh until I cried.
Thank you for an “amazing” recap of a less-than-amazing season!
This journey with you has been amazing.
Love Jet and Cord!
I haven’t made it through all the comments, so this may have been mentioned….. Did anyone else think it looked like Vienna had had plastic surgery on her nose??? It seemed to have calmed WAY down!
Also….. Ali’s hair: will someone on the staff help her?
Great re-cap Lincee! Ok, so call me naive, but I don’t think Jake’s choice of Vienna was necessarily all about “little Jake,” so to speak. Jake seems like the type of guy with a dorky, goofy personaility – one whose personality has never matched his Ken doll looks. It seems like this causes him to act fake a lot of the time. I think, with Vienna, she somehow made him feel comfortable enough to actually be himself. I think he felt Tenley was too good for him, and that her lack of flaws would (1) keep him from showing his true self, flaws and all, and (2) make for a pretty boring life. I’m not saying life with Vienna won’t contain some drama, but they do seem to be in love. They seem like best buds that also have a ton of sexual chemistry. Just my two cents, but I hope things work out for them!
Hey Lincee —- it’s so funny that you mention the Amazing Race cowboys — Being from Oklahoma I was afraid that the show would ridicule the naive, sweet cowboys but I’m proud to say they are doing themselves proud (although I really wish the one brother would stop with the ‘oh my gravy’ comments… a bit too sweet!)…. anyhoo… I now consider it my mission to see what I can find my ‘six degrees of separation’ from these cowboys — I’m just positive that I will know someone who will know someone…. anything for you girl! I’m on it!
Oh, just fyi — I had my first cowboy crush on Ty Murray during Dancing with the Stars — his personality is so adorable!!!
I hate to say it, but Jake and Vienna actually seemed happy together….for now, at least! I’m not sure how that will translate into “real” life when it’s not an endless montage of bungee jumping, candle-lit hot-tubs, mud baths and waterfalls. Different can be exciting, but very often it just doesn’t work in the long haul. I agree with other posters on the weirdness of how Jake’s family really disliked Vienna and then all of a sudden they switched! I was just wating for “Mama” or one of the SIL’s to bust out with “what the WHAT, Jake…seriously?!?” and then all of a sudden, they’re all “oh, she’s so sweet….” etc. Huh? I think their first impressions of Vienna were awful, it was awkward and they didn’t like her…particularly compared to Tenley. Could they change their opinion? Sure! In time, once they really got to know her and could see that Jake was really and truly happy with her…then, a change of heart would be possible. But a change of heart that drastic for no reason? Vienna didn’t do or say anything that I could see that would’ve won me over in that situation. Weird…
Oh, I LOVED when Hare busted out with “well, on a scale of zero to Mesnick….”, Lincee….can’t wait to see your recap of Molly and Jason’s wedding!
Great job Lincee on the recap this season. You make this show worth watching. I can’t wait for your take on the show this summer.
My DVR did not record After the Final Rose. When is the 20/20 episode?
Been a silent reader for a couple of seasons now, but I couldn’t remain silent any longer when I realized no one had mentioned how Jake, when first meeting his family in cabana, said “I feel like moving this table so we can all dogpile and hug.” Please tell me you heard that!!!! I love dogs, I love piles of dogs…but the image of Jake’s family piled on the floor hugging each other has been haunting me today. I really enjoy your writing Lincee and everyone’s comments are a riot too. Thanks for all the laughs!
Good stuff! And THANK YOU for calling them SISTERS in law and not sister in LAWS. That drove me crazy!
Anyhoo, yes I totally agree that the family did a total 180, in what, 5 min? REALLY. Someone is definitely getting paid!
But I do have to agree that as much as I disliked Vienna from the beginning, they do seem to be in love. Go figure. And can we just talk for one minute about how grateful we should be that she was not the runner up/next bachelorette! It was bad enough to have to stomach her in bits and pieces along the way, but an entire season dedicated to her. I’d have to drink drano.
Ali, well I liked her early on, but her whiny departure was like nails on a chalk-board. If she whines through her entire season – again, Drano!
Lincee – I LOVE CHUCK TOO! also obsessed. looking forward to that post…
Before I read everyone’s comments I’d like to say that Lincee and I’s opinions of the Bachelor are like a mind meld. However, this season, I have to confess, I went to the dark side. I read Reality Steve’s blog and spoilers for the season. And they DID spoil the season. This guy is so full of himself and his ten seconds of (in)fame, and is pretty disgusting to read. So, I’m coming back to the light side, so I can continue Lincee and I’s relationship in blissful ignorance of future Bach outcomes.
Oh, and impressive how Vienna lost a few lbs, hit the gym, and covered them roots in the three month interim. Still hasn’t apparently seen an opthomologist (sic?) And Tenley is on Ellen tomorrow.
Just curious — is ‘positivity’ a word? I’m thinking no…
So now that Ali is the next bachelorette, I wonder if Jake & Vienna will come & help her out like Ed & Jillian helped out Jake on the first night?
Lincee – looks like you’ve got a couple of good connections to the racing cowboys —-#5 Claire/ #37 Stacey — start making some phone calls girls…use those connections!
One quick comment on final rose — I laughed my ass off when Geoffrey/Jeffrey/Jeoffrey Osborne (however you spell his name) stepped up to sing that cheesy song! I could just hear the sarcasm oozing off Hare’s introduction…. too funny!
Had to check on dictionary.com to be sure. Yes, positivity is a word.
I give it two weeks after Jake leaves DWTS…
I name Jake & Sausage the new Heidi and Spencer… He is uber annoying and she has already racked up plastic surgery bills!
SusieQ: Nice to know I wasn’t the only one cringing whenever Vienna dropped the “Jake and I’s”.
“Jake and I’s date was full of positivity.”
Ack!
#73 Ty Murray was my first cowboy crush too. He was just too adorable. So disappointed when they announced Jake was going to be on, like he really has that many fans left after this fiasco.
And NO WAY Jakes mom changed her opinion of Vienna that quickly. I can just imagine the phone calls that Jake has gotten from his mother the last few weeks. I know what I would be saying to either one of my sons if they came dragging in someone like Vienna.
I agree with klh (#70). Not sure if Vienna had plastic surgery but she did look different to me–I could not pinpoint exactly why though. It seems Jake was just “hot for Vienna’s bod” and not really thinking about a “life partner” and future mother to his child, etc. They seemed happy together on ATFR but I give it 6 months, at most.
His mother probably figured he was going to choose Vienna and decided they’d better ease up on their negative comments about her because she would see them when the show came on.
I agree with #67…noticed Vienna kept saying “this was the life she always wanted” or “the fairy tale life she had dreamed of.” IMHO, she is immature and self-centered and just thinks she’s in love. Once the newness is over, she’ll probably go back to Daddy who spoiled her. BTW, someone mentioned stuff being written about her mother. Like what?
“The View” let the cat out of the bag this morning….the Bachelor/-ette gets something like $100K…don’t know if F1 or F2 get any money at all. That’s why Ali is the next Bachelorette. So then on DWTS, each “Star” gets $100K and if they win they get another $100K. So ole Jakey boy is sitting with $200k+ in JPMorgan Chase….give or take and depending on taxes. That will by a new set of eyes for V.
Don’t know if any of it is true but the girls on the view are usually right on the money…..
Newbie2TX — this link was on Lincee’s first pre-post on this show. I don’t know if it’s true or not.
http://www.nationalenquirer.com/bachelor_finale_vienna_white_trash_mom/celebrity/68239
I said it before, I’ll say it again: The women of Big Pimpin’ were all way better. Smarter, hotter, and soooo much classier. It is a crime that you babes are single in the first place.
KEELY, LMAO! New set of eyes. Awesome.
Favorite line: “It’s called thinking with the big head and not the little head Jake. You should try it.”
Favorite show: Chuck!!!! I believe I, too, have an unexplainable obsession with it. Did you know? Zachary Levi is a Christian!!! He had a whole big article in the January/February issue of Relevant Magazine: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/digital-issue-43..
Love, love the recaps–they are so witty and laugh-out-loud hilarious!
#94 – Way stoked to read that article, but the link didn’t work. I found the article after searching, maybe this one will work:
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tv/features/19756-the-life-and-faith-of-zac-levi
If they ever make it to Vienna-sausage moving to Dallas, I can’t wait for Big-D to get ahold of her! That’s if she survives LA and DWTS!! I’ve lived several years in both cities and she will not be well received. And Jake’s chances for fame are lower than zilch now. He’s too soft and will never be “that guy”. He can’t hang in Dallas, much less LA. Plus he’s done NOTHING to deserve fame. How long will it take for VS to pawn that Neil Lane bauble and develop a meth-addiction? Next reality show….Intervention.
Lincee – another fantastic recap! Glad this sorry season is over, but I’ll miss my Tuesday Lincee fix!
I think the reason Vienna looked different (apart from her roots, and a few pounds) is that she wasn’t wearing gallons of eye shadow — it radically changed the way she looked, though I’m not sure it was an improvement… Jake definitely went for the sex, here – but I have to admit he did seem the most at ease with her — yikes!
My personal WTF moment last night was the DWTS reveal – what are they thinking?!
Jake got what he deserved: a low-class trashy girl who couldnt say an intelligent sentence if her life depended on it. He is such a hypocrite to talk about values and heart appeal over sex appeal all season and then choose skanky Vienna, saying their chemistry was electric, the physical attraction, the “heat” blahblahblah. He is so immature for a 30yr.old. Nice job of Chris Harrison trying to rehab her bad reputation on the ATFR. She was trying so hard to act respectable. Did anyone notice that Vienna said the tabloids were talking to people she hasnt seen in 15 years, since junior high? Um, correct me if I’m wrong but I believe Vienna is 23 so 15 years ago would make her 8yrs. old…hardly a junior higher. She is a train wreck and so is Jake. I also noticed her say this is the “life” I’ve been dreaming of. Thank God that Tenley got away from Jake. Tenley is WAY too good for him. Let’s all hope he gets booted off DWTS the first week! Jake, your 15 minutes are over!!
Gonna be my first post after 3 seasons of reading your blog…..where to start.
Thank you for making my Tuesdays laughable, and Monday nights my secret hidden shame.
First – I can’t wait to get my own asymetrical neckline dress so I can join the bacherlor/bachelorette rage. Tenley, Ali and Molly all had one. Where’s the show stylist to catch that triple-base-hit-fashion-rage that should have been left in 1986 (and correct Jake’s tie and Ed’s shorts)
Second – Admittedly both Tenley and Vienna-sausage had gorgeous gowns on, which the set directors don’t mind to soak in the the final rose ceremony. After spraying the set down with water and the hems of their dresses get drenched (they did it to Molly and Mellisa too). I’m surprised that after walking the bridge-of-impending-doom the girls didn’t wipe out on that slippery surface, rise to their knees and propose to Jakey themselves
Third – ditto to anyone whose calling out for fresh meat instead of recylced bachelor(ette) material. ABC’s editing and contractual obligations are too obvious. Watching Ali’s season will only seem reasonable because of the laughter I’m guaranteed on Tuesday.
Fourth – (please excuse the rant…apparently I’ve waited too long to comment) I often wonder if these bachelors(ettes) ever stop to ponder what life will be like without ABC’s dating budget. I don’t know what it’s like in Seattle, or Texas or Cali but where I come from my date budget consists of a movie and a 2-4-1 dinner entree coupon. Jake, seriously, Vienna in Texas? Do you really think she’s okay with starching your pilot shirts, and a pilot’s schedule, with none of her “like” bestest friends around to “like” hang out with when your gone —sheesh. 2 months. Max. I agree with all of you. 60 days. Count em.
Well thank you all for making my day. Gotta love being grounded in reality…tv.
Lincee – don’t know ya but gotta luv ya!
The 20/20 special is on March 15. It is on ABC, so I won’t expect any huge secrets to be revealed. They are only going to show the positives, and give little teasers so you think you actually see things happening, and they are going to stretch it out over 2 hours, kind of like the Bachelor!
I loved how Mama Sallie kept saying sister-in-laws rather than sisters-in-law. GOD, that just BUGGED me! And Vienna, HIM and I. Where do these people go to school? This stuff doesn’t usually bug me but they both kept saying it over and over and over…. You’d think the intern would go, um, mum Sallie, the s is on the sisters not the laws. Sigh…
So, according to the National Enquirer, Vienna’s mother lives in a trailer and sells peanuts in a road-side stand. No joke. She also supposedly told Vienna that she had better watch out, because Mama may just take Jake away from Vienna. Gag. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
First, points to #51 for “church of the what’s happening now” — my dad has said that since I was a wee lad. Fond memories.
And Now; Bachelor Thoughts…..
Does it cheapen the word “love” when you claim to be so in love with 2 girls after just a few dates? How realistic can any of this really be? I’d also be preeeeety skeptical as the family of someone who decided to play this little game. But then the Tenley interview seemed like one of the most genuine family talks I remember seeing. So what do I know?
Vienna is still gross. And starting off saying everyone hated you wasn’t such a good first impression. Vienna also speaks English real good in her interview with the sisters in law: “her and I are so differently.” “Jake and I’s….” (not to be too pedantic, but perhaps “my” is the word you’re looking for?)
The sulfur spring didn’t make Vienna less gross. Jake is someone I want to play poker with (if I played poker). He’s done a terrible job this whole time of hiding that he would pick Vienna.
Wait! Jason and that girl are getting married on TV. Really?! Stay classy ABC.
Jake: You look beautiful; Sausage: you look amazing; Me: I’m gonna be sick.
I will also very much NOT be watching DWTS. Gag me with a chainsaw.
Lincee, you rocked it sister, and made this whole ridiculous season bearable, especially this finale, which was ruined for me by the end result. Overall, you nailed it with the head comment. Unfortunately as I was watching the end of the show with my hubby, and spitting words of disgust toward the TV, he agreed wholeheartedly that this seemingly good willed man, thought with the wrong part of his brain. His head is spinning and it will not last, because Physical attraction drys up and rots with no roots to sustain it. Heart and character are the things that when allowed to develop and run deep (usually rooted in a Spiritual connection to God) become the steam that is the fuel for affections. He missed the boat because someone was screaming to him from the wrong roof top. Unfortunate. For Tenley- because he would have felt that way if he were with her exclusively. And for him, because he really missed the boat in St. Lucia.
I honestly, in a way I never have been before, was disgusted with this show last night. Men who are designed to be physical and have to work for the emotional, should never be pushed into a situation where they are intimate with more than one woman, they will not often choose well. That spark is lust, and is fleeting, (i am just saying). He kept saying that he just has to go with his heart, well there is a verse that says “guard your heart for it is the well spring of life” and another “the heart is deceitful above all else”. I am not trying to be debbie downer, Jake just set himself up as a man of morals and (inadvertly) Christian character. He fell hook, line, and sinker for something I see all to often in married couples, and unfortunately unless the man (sometimes woman) wises up and steers the ship aright, it will run aground.
And Ali as the next bach-ette. Rachel McAdams wanna be, pact making, insulting not so it girl Ali. Ugh.
You’re recap was the one of the best of the season, love it. And was so laughing at you pointing out how Vienna makes him feel like he is the only man in the room, and I screamed at the TV the same thing “YOU ARE THE ONLY MANY IN THE ROOM!” Ha.
Just curious if anyone caught the huge rip in the back of Tenley’s dress? It went back and rewound to her looking at herself in the mirror before she walks out to the helicopter, no tear… then when she meets Jake…huge rip! What happened ABC? Did someone forget how to put on a microphone?
Thanks for the blog Lincee!!
Uh, question to 94, and who ever else wants to answer… What is the importance of being “a Christian?” Should we all like him more? Is he a better person for being “Christian?”
Vienna is a Christian, Jake is a Christian. They got dragged through the mud (pun intended) by most of the comments here…for their looks, for their bland, oft repeated, cheesy (probably scripted) comments.
Are those of you that make “light hearted blog comments,” that say that someone makes you vomit, Christian?
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…
#106, if you read the background of the host of this blog on her “About Me” section, you would see she identifies herself as a “Christian” and speaks of drawing on her faith during difficult times in her life. No, I don’t believe 94 was stating we should like someone MORE because they are a Christian, nor do I believe that should ever be the case, I just think they thought it was a factoid Lincee would be interested to know since she is such a fan of the show Chuck.
As for the comments you have read on this blog….Christians are human beings. Fallible and naturally sinful by nature. It is just as much a sin in God’s eyes to pass judgement on these hurtful and hateful comments as it is for us to post them, even if they are intended to be for entertainment. That is no justification by any means for what you read here, just the truth. As Christians we may strive to achieve Matthew 7:12, but in reality we come closer to living out Romans 3:23. But thank God for Ephesians 2:8.
Sigh… Ever waste three hours watching something only to find you aren’t surprised in the least by anything that happened? I don’t get the Tenley love sure, she s***s rainbows and dreams in cartoons and is adorable in that “I’ll put her in my pocket” sort of way. But does anyone REALLY think she’s ready for another serious relationship? Anyone who can’t stop comparing everything to their ex isn’t ready for a new relationship. That girl needs to date around a LOT more.
I don’t know if Little Jake did all the thinking, nor do I care. All season, I saw something between him and V. They seem to get each other. And since I don’t really care for either one of them, more power to them.
Hate Ali. Her as the next Bach’ette is the worst kept secret in television history. So not interested in watching. Lincee, I’ll keep reading, because, girl, you ROCK IT every week. But no mas. I’ve gotta stop riding the crazy train. Can’t stomach anymore of these recycled contestants.
#106—–WOW!!
Did anyone catch this Bachelor skit with Jake on Jimmy Kimmel last night. sooooooo funny! Here is the video on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT5zfYSNcoY
I was so embarassed for poor Tenley when she was asking what was wrong and that she thought they had heat. I expected Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker to jump in and explain that Jake was picking with his penis and it wasn’t getting off the couch for her. [Hi, my name is Austin-ite and I am a Bravo addict]
I wish them all the best, but I can’t see Vienna being very happy with living in Denton in a typical Texas suburb. Seems like she is trying to get out of her tiny central Florida town and into some where more exciting like Lalaland where she can imitate Paris Hilton by wearing pink suits; play dress up with her little dog and talking about daddy, daddy, daddy!!! like she did in the show’s intro. Ahh the maturity of a 23 year old.
Bring on the Bachelor Pad! I will have no expectations of maturity or everlasting love there. Just good trashy fun please.
Lincee, thanks for the laughs. This was your funniest season yet. I’m glad Jake chose Vienna. It wasn’t just lust. She truly was the only one he could let down his guard around. I believe they will last longer than most people think. I do not like Ali and will not be watching this spring, but I’ll tune into the Bachelor Pad and of course Lincee’s blog. Never a dull moment among the Beaners!
Thanks for posting that link, Liz.
That was freakin’ hilarious! I think it is great that Bachelor Jake can poke fun at himself and the cheesy lines that he said ad nauseum this season!
Liz- Just watched the Kimmel/Jake donut spoof. Very funny. It’s ironic how all the “serious” moments this season are so ridiculous when applied to pastry.
Loved Mama Pevelka… I actually think I liked Jake’s family way more than I do him. I was VERY disappointed that he was the 11th celeb for DWTS but I can’t wait to watch Pam A and Kate G…
I caught Kimmel after the Bach monday night when Alli was on. She said she was getting to choose from 50 guys next season! Can this really be true?
THANK YOU #107! : ) For summing it up! Amen!
#105 Holly – YES, I am glad you noticed the dress issue too. I thought she wasn’t zipped up or something!
#96 – Robin “How long will it take for VS to pawn that Neil Lane bauble and develop a meth-addiction? Next reality show….Intervention.” I was already thinking your first sentance. However adding the second sentance makes it even more hilarious and ~almost~ worthy of watching!
#107! Go, Go, Go!
<{{{{{{< (okay, my poor version of a fish)
#96 – Robin “How long will it take for VS to pawn that Neil Lane bauble and develop a meth-addiction? Next reality show….Intervention.”
I was already thinking your first sentance. However adding the second sentance makes it even more hilarious and ~almost~ worthy of watching!
#107 – Robin (again) Go, Go, Go!
<{{{{{{< (okay, my poor version of a fish)
I did not watch past the bizarre editing of the parental visit. I felt they left out a ton on the Vienna visit. I just went – no….the spoilers are true! When Jake started to back pedal, I don’t think I can play rough with Tenley (what about rolling down the sand dunes?) and we don’t have heat (we have the video footage to prove it!)….
Jake fell for the poor little princess act – and was thinking with another part of his anatomy. Vienna was so embarassing during the part of the parent visit that we saw, she does not know courtesy, tact or how to interact socially. She is so immature she does not even realize her problems stem from her!
While I have no doubt that Tenley is a good person and sweet woman, I couldn’t stomach her. I think Vienna is right that Tenley is, in some sense, a robot. Possibly even phony (though in the nicest way possible).
I had a friend like Tenley once. All sunshine and rainbows and smiles and happy high-pitched voice ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Not only does that get kind of exhausting, it turns out that on the inside, my friend was rather sad. She faked that happiness 24/7 to the point where I don’t think she could stop if she tried. It was like she was emotionally incapable of getting real and being a human being. Overall, it was painful.
I couldn’t even live with Tenley’s voice for the next 60 years, but that constant “Everything is perfect, nothing’s wrong, I’ll never disagree” attitude would kill me.
Who would you rather hang out with, Tenley or Vienna? When Vienna was making her little comments to “the sisters-in-law,” I got the sense that while they were kind of shocked/turned off by her, they also were a little intrigued and thought she was at least fun. I think that’s how she won everyone over.
Anyway, I have no doubt that Tenley will one day find another Care Bear and they will both be happy. She deserves it, so good luck to her.
Oh, also, when one of the brothers said he thought Vienna’s “honest” was just an immature defense mechanism? SO TRUE! So clearly both our final ladies have their issues. I think out of those two, though, Jake chose wisely. I don’t think he had any better options. Certainly not Gia! Could NOT see those two together.
Did anyone notice the really weird way Tenley said “really” in the voiceover when she was going to meet Jake at the altar of doom? It sounded like a combination of “royalty” and “rural.”
Ruuuuuurarly
#92, Sgt Cole. Brownie points. Lots and lots of brownie points.
#115-Yes, I loved Mama Pavelka and the sisters-in-law! Mama P. had some priceless facial expressions. The whole family communicates like life is one big therapy session. Love how the men in the family know how to just shut up and stay out of it! I think they are my favorite family in Bachelor/Bachelorette history!
I hate that I’m going to have to skip Ali’s season. Jake might have been boring, and Jillian might have been shrill, but they were nice people. Ali…not so much.
I was thinking about how the family changed their mind….perhaps the tears were due tho their realization that Jake had truly been sucked in and that their opposition would just cause him to continue to defend her…
As they contemplated future thanksgivings they were sad indeed.
Lincee – love your blog – would you considering blogging for the Amazing Race. I think it would be awesome.
Great recap Lincee! Can’t wait for your Idol updates and all the other Bachelor going-ons. I would love to say that will NOT watch Ali, but I am sure that would be a lie…the recaps are so much better when you’ve seen the episode.
Lincee – This recap was en fuego! Seriously…I have to stop reading these at work because I’m pretty sure my secretary thinks I’ve lost my mind.
By the by…the McCoy bros are from my home town. Their mom took my senior pictures.
HA!
Just read the following article. So anyone else think ABC is trying to do some major spin to make us feel bad to Ali and think that her mean girl behavior was a provoked?
Bachelor EXCLUSIVE: Taunting Ali Was Part of Vienna’s Winning Strategy
Us Magazine
Bachelor winner Vienna Girardi, 23, complained on the March 1 finale that her fellow contestants – particularly Ali Fedotowsky, 25 – hated her, but perhaps the animosity was deserved.
“You don’t see the things Vienna said to me. They were very hurtful,” Fedotowsky, ABC’s new Bachelorette, said on After The Final Rose March 1. Indeed, in the new issue of Us Weekly, one of the season’s contestants, says that the fan fave took Girardi’s insults personally.
“Vienna would always thank us for coming to her ‘bachelorette’ or ‘engagement party,’ then tell us we were all going home,” the contestant tells Us. “Ali would just call her out on it.”
The fiercely competitive Girardi (“she always had to one-up people,” another show castoff recounts) quickly recognized Fedotowsky as her main obstacle to winning the heart of pilot Jake Pavelka, 32.
“Vienna would say to Ali that she was going to shake her boobs in Jake’s face,” explains another show insider.
“I think Jake hasn’t ever been with a girl like Vienna and is experiencing a ‘wild side,’” a source observes. “Once she figured that out, maybe she was a little more seductive.”
To read more about Vienna’s calculated strategy to win — including how she would “grab Jake’s butt,” how Tenley’s holding up since Pavelka dumped her, and the surprising details about the Bachelor’s shocking contract for its contestants, pick up the new issue of Us Weekly — on newsstands today!
Just read the following article. So anyone else think ABC is trying to do some major spin to make us feel bad to Ali and think that her mean girl behavior was all provoked?
Bachelor EXCLUSIVE: Taunting Ali Was Part of Vienna’s Winning Strategy
Us Magazine
Bachelor winner Vienna Girardi, 23, complained on the March 1 finale that her fellow contestants – particularly Ali Fedotowsky, 25 – hated her, but perhaps the animosity was deserved.
“You don’t see the things Vienna said to me. They were very hurtful,” Fedotowsky, ABC’s new Bachelorette, said on After The Final Rose March 1. Indeed, in the new issue of Us Weekly, one of the season’s contestants, says that the fan fave took Girardi’s insults personally.
“Vienna would always thank us for coming to her ‘bachelorette’ or ‘engagement party,’ then tell us we were all going home,” the contestant tells Us. “Ali would just call her out on it.”
The fiercely competitive Girardi (“she always had to one-up people,” another show castoff recounts) quickly recognized Fedotowsky as her main obstacle to winning the heart of pilot Jake Pavelka, 32.
“Vienna would say to Ali that she was going to shake her boobs in Jake’s face,” explains another show insider.
“I think Jake hasn’t ever been with a girl like Vienna and is experiencing a ‘wild side,’” a source observes. “Once she figured that out, maybe she was a little more seductive.”
To read more about Vienna’s calculated strategy to win — including how she would “grab Jake’s butt,” how Tenley’s holding up since Pavelka dumped her, and the surprising details about the Bachelor’s shocking contract for its contestants, pick up the new issue of Us Weekly — on newsstands today!
Ooops…sorry that double posted!
I do think there had to be a reason most of the girls hated Vienna. There just had to. But without being there myself, I have no way of knowing whether she was truly heinous or if she’s the kind of girl I’d not take too seriously and just enjoy for the comic relief. Watching her interact with “the sisters in law” cracked me up.
However, no matter how horrible Vienna might have been, Ali didn’t have to stoop to her level and get combative and snarky and mean. So while it might show something about Vienna’s character, it also shows something about Ali, too.
Long time reader (back to the email days)…first time to post…
I was extremely confused the entire season with the comments Jake would make about Vienna’s beauty. From day one I found her to be one of the least attractive girls on the show. ABC always has model-like girls and then a few girls that are carrying a few extra pounds, bad hair, no fashion sense, ridiculous make-up… basically a few girls that hit some strong ugly branches when they fell out of the tree. Vienna was one of those girls for me this season.
I do not think that it is ever a wise choice to select a mate based on appearance but she was ugly on the inside too. I think telling people that you aren’t fake and brutally honest is just an excuse for being mean and Vienna certainly took advantage of that! Jake seemed to get the concept of “perception is reality” in the beginning of the season when he was so close to cutting Vienna loose repeatedly but for some reason he lost that instinct in the end. I believe he was going to cut Vienna loose the episode that Ali left the show so it just confused me even more that he eventually proposed to her. He seemed to have continuous doubts about Vienna up to the last episode.
Not that I wish injury on any of the new cast members of DWTS but I am so hoping that someone has to drop out so Tenley can step in. I think Jake and Tenley being on the same cast of DWTS would make for the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER!!!
Why does she brag about being brutally honest? She should be honest. But why be brutal about it? Anyone can say “She’s an ugly bitch.” It takes caring and consideration to turn that into kind words. Not saying that sometimes the harsh reality isn’t necessary, but a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, right?
First off, I gagged when Jake was describing the girls to his family, calling Vienna ‘drop dead gorgeous’… I could see how someone might think she is cute but I don’t think she could ever be classified as gorgeous?? Throughout the entire show I could not stand to look at her because of her horrible makeup, she for sure needs lessons in application cause what she’s doing is not right! (and you could totally tell the difference at the final rose when someone else had done it for her) And I have to agree with everyone, all the ‘Jake and I’s’ made me cringe. #70 & 89 I am so glad you pointed out what I was thinking, as soon as she came out I said she looks different, she had something done, couldn’t put my finger on it… nose, chin, face lift? I’m surprised more people didn’t comment on it. And #67, you’re so right, we noticed it too, the entire time she kept saying this is my ‘fairytale’ she used that word WAY too much for someone who came to the show for all the right reasons. I could go on and on and on!!
I suppose the fact that Jake thinks Vienna is drop dead gorgeous shows how smitten he is with her.
I think my significant other is handsome, sexy and just seeing him makes me all giddy inside. In reality, I know he is of average looks…but he’s still a complete hottie in my book!!!
#137….great observation! Very true. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (right?). I know that I am no drop dead gorgeous beauty queen, but I wouldn’t mind if my husband thought so, and told everyone that he thought so
IMO, Jake just hasn’t had enough time to get to know Vienna the way we or her family/friends has. I’m sure he’ll take off his beer goggles once he gets a taste of the real Vienna. Or maybe he will still love her, only time will tell.
Ok…where’s my bucket?
“The passion is just crazy,” Jake told Access Hollywood. “It’s just fun. There’s always puppy love in a new relationship and that’s really where you build a lot of this – you solidify a lot of the next 60 years [of life together]…. I’ve never had puppy love like that. I mean, I just can’t keep myself off of her.”
20/20 is having a special on behind the scenes of The Bachelor? WHEN?!!!
Based on his comments, Jake doesn’t know the difference between “puppy love” or lust or infatuation and actual, meaningful, lasting love, the kind you can build a relationship on. Yikes.
Someone please recap the 20/20 thing. I won’t be able to watch and I’m guessing it won’t be available online.
#41 — re a ‘meaningful relationship’ — I thought it was classic when he told Tenley that their relationship was building slowly and she said, “I thought that was the way it was supposed to be done”, or something to that effect. Touché, Tenley. There is a big difference between lust and a lasting, deep relationship.
Also, I saw Tenley on Ellen this morning, but I was watching it while on the treadmill at the gym and could only read the closed captioning. She seemed to do a great job and looked adorable. Ellen is pushing for her to be on DWTS if something happens to one of the other contestants, like Melissa’s situation.
vomit.
http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20348069,00.html
i thought i was going to pass out when jake called vienna ‘my baby’
#139 “I just can’t keep myself off of her”…ugh. Speaking from experience, no matter how you try, a physical attraction FADES in a hurry and what you once equated to love was revealed to be lust and it just doesn’t translate into relationship building that can last for 60 years. Jake may be 31 in physical years, but mentally he’s still the awkward geeky high school guy. Most of the folks I know who have been married umpteen years didn’t start out with the white hot intense flame. Yes there was major attraction, but the love, it built up over time.
Note to self: stay single, find boy toy for ocassional nights out
The 20/20 Special on the Bachelor is Monday, March 15th.
My final 2 cents on this: Speaking from experience, it is impossible to court more than one woman at a time – at least with a clear conscience. Only a complete, egotistical, jerk would like having this much attention and only a sociopath could play games with a dozen women at once.
So let’s all breath a sigh of relief for the “loser” Tenley. She just got spared a tedious life with a boring midget.
Loved, loved the recap!! Better than the show!
I follow a couple blogs and was a little sad that this wasn’t offered to Lincee as I feel she is the most deserving:
http://bachelorlove.blogspot.com/
Long story short, she was asked by ABC producers to interview as a blogger for The Bachelor/ette for the 20/20 special.
This season left a really bad taste in my mouth and soured my stomach a little. If this keeps up I’m gonna become a full blown cynic.
I have decided to do like I did last season with Jillian. NOT WATCH THE SHOW AT ALL but live vicariously through Lincee’s (and a couple others I’ve found who are FUNNY, NOT RS!!!) blog.
I enjoyed the HECK out of Jillian’s season because I rarely watched the actualy shows – just enough to be able to put faces and personalities with names.
And no more Reality Steve for me. He’s ruined this season. RUINED it. So dark. So negative. SO MEAN about everything that when you read (slog through the wordy wordy WORDS to get to) his blog? You go away with a tummy ache and hating the world.
Who needs that? Last season’s show was FUN because no RS and No taking it seriously, no conspiracy theories, no spoilers, nothing but Lincee and a few actual shows. LOVED it.
I learned my lesson. Too much of anything gives you a bellyache. This season was just TOO MUCH.
#149–I SOOO agree! I checked out that “other” bachelor blog, and as of then there were 21 comments. What are we at here now…150? Seriously. I suppose its that snarky sarcastic humor that’s keeping IHGB from getting the recognition it deserves. Waaaaay more fun!!!
Some Guy–great to hear from you! You make us all wait too long for your excellent observations!
Doesn’t the whole Jake and Vienna thing remind you of a sit-com?? Kinda like a reverse “Green Acres”?
A couple observations – did anyone notice on the Forego episode, during Jake and Vienna’s date when they were at dinner, Vienna’s promise ring from her dad didn’t have the pink stone in it. Also, on the entire finale episode, the pink stone wasn’t in the ring. When she gave the ring to Jake, it was a ring shell with a big hole where the stone should be. Then, when he gave the ring back to her before he proposed, the stone had magically appeared but was darker in color than the original. It wasn’t a pale pink like we saw all season, it was almost a purple-ish pink. Wonder what that was all about? I thought it was weird.
Also, when Jake and Tenley were on the boat and Jake was telling her that he wasn’t hot for her, I was thinking “RUN Tenley!! RUN for the hills!!” How awesome would that have been if she would have just said that she was going to make Jake’s decision really easy by dumping him. I so wish she would have done that. But, poor thing, she didn’t “get” what he was saying. Guess she is too sweet (if not a little naive) to realize that Jake was thinking with his pee pee.
How come none of the several posters who claim to have some – even tentative – connection to the McCoys hasn’t also offered to help out Lincee?!?!?!
Hope you get to meet them and keep us in the loop, Lincee.
- Not Anywhere Near Oklahoma
To smhJD – IHGB blog is good and interesting, but the writer at bachelorlove.blogspot.com is in a different league of writing – she’s smart, funny, but she has a heart. I think that’s why her blog has caught on so quickly. She’s not out to bash the girls or the bachelor -she’s there to articulate what we all observe but can’t quite put into words. Her following is quite loyal and she hasn’t been doing it very long, hence not that many people know about it. But once it’s given the publicity it deserves (the blogger is a really hard worker – she doesn’t get paid to write it, she’s a full time lawyer and does this just for kicks, writing the blog in the middle of the night or at the crack of dawn before or during her 90 minute commute to work). Plus the Bachelor is the only show she writes about – she says she simply doesn’t have time to write more. IMO – she is way deserving of a spot on ABC. Give her blog a try.
Wow, #154, ChelseainBoston- are you insane? Lincee has the biggest heart on the planet. It’s totally ok to share your friend’s blog and encourage people to read it, but you have a lot of nerve to insult the author of this blog in doing so. Lincee works full time too, and we HOUND her for her recaps because they’re so darn funny. Lincee does not “bash” people. She simply states the obvious in a really funny way. I really think you should stick to posting your opinions on your friend’s site and not on this, especially when you clearly don’t know what you’re talking about.
PS- your friend’s blog was well written, but pretty factual and not that entertaining.
Sounds to me that #154 just might be the blogger who is “writing in the middle of the night or crack of dawn”…now, who wants to hire this lawyer????….just “saying”!!!!…sorry, but my “momma claws” came out for protection…I’m not Lincee’s momma, only wish, but I am a momma!!!
#155 – I too come here for the laughs, not a recaps on “facts”.
#155-#158…AGREED!!! Lincee’s blog is very entertaining and so are the bloggers that comment on her recaps. I don’t know Lincee personally, but reading what she writes leads me to believe that she too is smart, funny AND has a heart. I’ve never read a malicious word in Lincee’s recap, only humorous observations. I agree, #154 needs to stick to her friend’s blog if she can’t appreciate what is written here.
#154 – sounds like you should stick to her blog then. We all love Lincee here
#154 ChelseainBoston – Ever think of trying out for the next season of The Bachelor? You are just clueless enough to be picked!!
BOTTOM LINE:
- Vienna is a nice/sweet girl, but comes off dumb as a doorknob, and makes Heidi Montag look like a Rhodes scholar.
- Jake is a huge dorky nerd who happens to be blessed with good looks.
They seem happy together, so go for it…& have some nerdy cross-eyed children.
Ok I haven’t seen all the comments just some here and there, but I rewatched some of this train wreck last night, and got a vibe on something I missed before. Jake’s mom asking how they get along w/ women and handle a fight between them etc…made me think that those women are at each other sometimes and don’t get along. So I don’t know if it was so much on what’s your pesonality but do you have a backbone to standup against me. Who asks that anyway? I’d be concerned if someone wanted to know absolutely how I handled not getting along w/ someone on everything…every situation is different and how about you get to know me first before wondering if we will be at each others throats. How about having a positive thought in just getting to know me and that we won’t be going there instead of a negative one.
So glad she got those roots done and a better color choice than that other blond color. But I still think she should go brunette.
If jake wasn’t feeling Tenley he wasn’t feeling her. You can’t force that. But I love the burn she got in though about if it was fair to Vienna w/ him struggling and all – and he couldn’t even answer. Bo-yah!
It can’t be said enough…BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TO ALI BEING THE NEXT BACH-ETTE. i WILL ONLY READ LINCEE’S RECAPS OF THAT…I REFUSE TO WATCH HER. I’m just not that into her! LOL
I wouldn’t give #154 too much time peeps! Clearly her message contradicts herself…if she must come on and posts negative comments about someone else, yet is bragging about someone else who doesn’t and preferring that type of blog. Pot…meet kettle.
#164 saggleo…good point. I’ll just stick to reading Lincee’s blog and all of the wonderful comments! Been a fun season. Now I will anxiously wait for the 20/20 special on March 15th!
Is it bad I can’t wait for the 15th to get here already? lol Heck I’m sad I’m going to miss the finale and premiere of the Housewives of Orange County, and New York respectively. LOL Wait…THAT is sad! LOL
I’ll see it on the millionith re-run (and the tape I have set) but there’s nothing like seeing it first hand!
#130 – LJ2B, um I don’t feel sorry for Ali one bit on that info the article states. How about she grow some skin if she can’t handle obvious games from someone…b/c oh my goodness all those things were just horrible horrible behavior it messed her up that bad?!?! Then she couldn’t hang around anywone w/ a sense of humor then b/c that would be just as horrible for her. Nothing in that gives me the impression Vienna was such a B….and that it was just clearly oil and water not mixing. She’s immature clearly…she got time to grow…if she chooses.
Ali’s screwed on her season then if those little quips from Vienna made her be such a cow herself (which I really think is part of her true character and she was just faking it…you can’t switch it on that fast and not be that way to certain degree). I’m not buying your kool-aid ABC!!!
I hate being tardy for the party!
#163- I completely agree, I thought it was very strange that the only question the mom had for a potential daughter-in-law was her ability to get along with the other sisters-in-law, nothing about values, morals, ambitions, religion, just ‘are you going to fight with the other wives’. Kinda odd.
#163: observation (and not trying to be too snarky here, but)….. it’s editing nativetexan —- I’m sure that mama p got her questions in and I’m sure they sat and talked for hours, but we only get to see a smidgen (and I mean teeny, tiny smidgen) of any conversations/dates/etc… because of —- yes, it’s tv — editing!
At the after the final rose I was also trying to figure out what was different about Vienna. I never thought about the nose, but she definitely had something going on with her eyebrows. I think they were much darker than previously. And I totally agree she looked like she was looking at Chris Harrison’s hairline the whole time. Aak, I don’t want to see her ringside at DWTS, too much Vienna.
Oh i’m aware of that but that seemed to be a strong emphasis. I never got that question from my bf mom when I first met her…and still haven’t gotten it. It’s just weird to me.
Shocker, Jake and Vienna are already fame-whoring out in public.
http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/04/the-bachelor-jake-pavelka-vienna-girardi-date-video/
#173 – boooovienna, he needs to loose those shirts! Not flattering! LOL Oh the snarkness isn’t going to end for a while for these two. “something” always comes up again and again until they are old news.
Thanks ABC…thanks A LOT!
137- I completely agree and think that’s how it should be… in real life, but this is tv and when I devote 2 hrs of my life every week to watching I want to see Ken pick Barbie NOT Sausage!!
#170, I know its edited, duh, I guess what I was saying is I thought it was odd that’s all they showed her asking, as 172 says its kind of weird to have emphasis on that at all during your first meeting.
#167 – I don’t feel sorry for Ali either. Just think ABC is trying to do some major spin to make us all feel that Ali’s behavior was justified. It wasn’t. I think that Ali and Vienna both knew that they were each other’s biggest competition and was going to do whatever it takes to taunt the other into behaving badly so they can run and cry to Jake.
Reminds me of when I was little and my sister would do something like break her own toy on purpose then cry to mom saying I did it so mom would feel bad and buy her something new while I got punished.
#175 – I agree…I’d rather see the fairytale of Ken picking Barbie too. If I wanted to see true reality I can go people watching at any given bar a few minutes before closing time. Guaranteed to see Ken reroute all logic and reasoning over to his little co-pilot to pick Skanky Sausage over Barbie everytime. LOL!!!
#173 and he is STILL wearing the nasty mock turtlenecks! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
If you like the mock turtleneck…you’ll love the faded, torn blue jeans and sexy leather phone caddy on his belt that he paired with that turtleneck. YIKES!!
http://justjared.buzznet.com/photo-gallery/2431869/jake-pavelka-vienna-girardi-hold-hands-10/
#154 – ON NO YOU DIDNT!
LJ2B—-LOL! can someone please get him a stylist, and quick!
Oh no! not the turtlenecks!
OMG #154, Miss Boston!! is anyone else seeing this? How rude of you to imply that Lincee doesn’t have a heart. Geez, you are somethin’ else.
smhJD – I think that other blogger was probably chosen because she is in NYC, where 20/20 is filmed. It’s not because of writing skills or popularity, it was a matter of convenience,
Another dramatic Jake/Vienna story!
http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/04/bachelor-jake-pavelkas-ex-gf-revealed/
Thought you guys might appreciate this…last night my boyfriend surprised me by finally popping the question. I was totally shocked and caught off guard. At some point I said yes…he put the ring on my finger…and there were lots of tears and kisses. After things settled down he pulled out a red rose that he had hiding in his coat and asked me if I would accept this final rose. I seriously couldn’t stop laughing. For a guy that always teased me about this show and groaned when I made him watch it…I think he paid more attention than he let on. LOL!!!
LJ2B that is so much awesomeness and hilarious. Congratulations!!
Incidentally, I was joking with my fiance that I was going to sneak in something about how it’s been “an amazing journey” into our vows. We should all do our first dances to “On the Wings of Love” and provide barf buckets to our guests as favors.
Thanks JennX! Congrats to you also!
“An amazing journey”…the song…barf buckets…hilarious! We can also give a red rose to the girl who catches the bouquet and a plastic pin-on pilot wings to the guy who catches to garter. LOL!!
Eeeee! That is so romantic AND funny LJ2B! My bf is out of town on business and he watched the finale w/me while. We were on the phone. When Jake was looking at rings, my bf asked me what kind of ring I like… See? The Bach isn’t ALL bad! Lol
I read a Corrie interview somewhere on line. One question was about her being a fashion consultant & did she have any advice for any of the contestants. She answered that Jake’s pants were often about an inch or more TOO SHORT! hehe
Ten: “How are you? Are you happy?”
Jake: “I’m good. Yes, I’m happy. I haven’t told my Mama yet, but I don’t care. I will stand up to the family if it kills me. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR LIKE THE REST OF YOU OKAY? I DON’T WANT TO BE A PILOT EITHER. I JUST WANT TO DANCE!”
Hysterical!! I was glad I’d hand my wine BEFORE the episode started
Thanks Lincee — and go snag yourself a McCoy!
Oh My Gravy!
Congrats LJ2B, that’s a great proposal story!! Glad you found your ‘Ken’
Best wishes!
Did anyone see the Jimmy Kimmel show with Jake and V. Vienna was completely turned toward Jimmy and away from Jake, so much that Jake had to scoot up on the chair and try to look around her at Jimmy. No cuddling or cooing here in body language. Interesting that she only had eyes for Jimmy.
Re Jimmy Kimmel — well, this is the LIFE Vienna wanted, after all — this 15-20 minutes of fame. Not necessarily the MAN she wanted.
#183 Marly – As a tv producer, I totally agree – that NY blogger was picked for ease of production logistics!
Oh. My. Cheesiness. Please tell me there’s a Jason and Molly wedding recap coming tomorrow. Pretty please?
The Jake and Vienna part was the worst. I have to quell my gag reflex every time I see the two of them crawling on top of each other. Wait… even just thinking of it… *gag*
I can’t take it any more. JILLIAN on Extreme Makeover now? Hasn’t she had her 15 minutes? ABC, what have you got up your sleeve for Tenley?
I have no idea where to post this, but apparently someone is making a Bachelor video game:
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/03/04/bachelor-videogame/#more-56027
#185 – LJ2B – Congratulations!!! Cute story! Not sure if you’ll see this now or not, but I’m putting my congrats out to a fellow funny greenbeaner!!!
I love Chuck! Jake is an idiot. GO LINCEE!
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