Bachelorette Ali is back!
Hello people! Group hug everyone! For those of you who only come to IHGB during the Bachelor/Bachelorette season, WELCOME BACK! We’ve missed you.
Last night our beloved show returned full of chachtastic first impression gifts, cringe worthy one-liners and unfortunate personal truths revealed on national television. Our Host Chris Harrison is gracing us with his presence once again. And according to several promo commercial spots, Jake will be waltzing with Vienna tonight on the results show of Dancing with the Stars.
Question: Which of those sentences made you throw up a little in your mouth?
But we are not here to talk about Jake. We are here to talk about Ali and her quest to find true love! We are here to talk about Cape Cod Chris and his periodic chart-loving self. We are here talk about Robert-O as he salsa’s his way into Ali’s heart. And apparently, we are here to talk about premature ejaculation.
What are we waiting for? Let’s get on with it!
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone on your Twitter account happens to personally know, sort of know, friends with the nephew/former classmate of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying New Moon on DVD or have a Jazzercize instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelors on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
I knew this season was going to be great when I shared this email exchange with Some Guy in Austin yesterday:
Me: “Thanks for the comment on my post.”
SGA: “Of course. How gay do those guys look? The one with the lip gloss is on fire.”
Me: “It has to be a bet. How dramatic if he revealed he was gay on the show? Definitely a path we haven’t been down before.”
SGA: “I hope he reveals it in the fantasy suite.”
Me: “I hope he hits on another dude in the Bachelor Bungalow and Harrison has to break the news to Ali on camera and she pulls a Mesnick on a balcony because she thought they had an amazing connection.”
SGA: “I hope he hits on Harrison and Harrison has to Roz him off the show.”
Classic. You know a series has made it when in two consecutive seasons, new verbs enter into your everyday vernacular. I shall make it my personal request to campaign for “pull a Mesnick” and “to Roz” make it into the hands of the decision-makers at Urban Dictionary.
On with the show.
From the moment she stepped out of the limo carrying a peacock feather last season, Ali was in love with Jake. She recalls how comfortable she felt when she sat straddling him in a public park meadow.
However, it came to a shocking end when she had to choose between staying on the show or her dream job.
[Last season footage of Ali crying to Jake with her feet in his lap.]
Ali: “I came into this with everything. Everyyyyyttthhhhiiiinnnnnggg!!!”
Jake: “I don’t want you to go.”
Ali: “But I have to go. It’s Facebook Jake. It’s my dream job. Without me, how is that weird guy from Mrs. Skinner’s 4th grade class who friended you a week ago supposed to find his missing baby calf in Farmville? It has nothing to do with the fact that you are a chach. Or the fact that I’m about to have an amazing reel to submit for my daytime Emmy when I go out in the hall, fling myself to the ground and cry because the ABC intern let it leak that he had on good authority that I would be considered for the next Bachelorette due to the fact that Tenley was going to need a nice long break and a big fat prescription for Prozac when you reject her for Vienna. I’m leaving because my job is more important than you. It’s not personal. It’s business. It’s not me. It’s you. Truly.”
[Current season footage of Ali reflecting on her decision to leave the show as she dances around in various wardrobe choices for her numerous dates and rose ceremonies.]
Ali: “Looking back, I was so wrong. It was a big mistake to choose a desk, computer and keyboard over someone who could be the love of my life. I let fear and insecurities and the power to notify someone that they had been poked dictate my life. I know it doesn’t seem that way because I was soooo competitive before. But trust me. I’m the girl next door. Everyone deserves a second chance.”
ABC really wants us to know that she was wrong to leave the show because this show works. Do they have to remind us of a little couple known as Trista and Ryan? I don’t think so! Ali came to be the Bachelorette and to find love. She’s serious. She “quit” her pesky job and is ready to land a husband. And that’s a good thing because this “girl next door” doesn’t currently have a place to live. She proudly moved out of her apartment straight into the Bachelorette mansion. Her days are spent running on the beach, mastering soccer ball skills and fitting in a quick trip to the salon for some hair extensions.
Our Host Chris Harrison greets Ali as she steps out of the limo. He escorts Ali into the house so they can talk about this amazing journey she is about to begin.
Hare: “So Ali. We are in our 20th season with this train wreck. You know the drill. Just talk about finding your true love and I’ll sit here and wish I was somewhere tropic with a cigar.”
Ali: “Oh Chris. Thanks for your support. I’m just ready to be in love with a guy and kiss him every day. I know this works. I fell in love with this show!”
Hare: “You fell in love on this show.”
Ali: “Same difference. Did you know I ‘gave up’ my job and moved out of my apartment? I’ve put everything on the line! It’s awesome…and scary…and…”
Hare: “Ridiculous? Stupid? Moronic?”
Ali: “Exactly. I feel free. It’s not a competition. I’ve already won! There is no jealousy. Only boys fighting for me! I want to find true love. I want to get married. I want to be pregnant. I’m a huge fan of kids!”
Hare: “And I’m a huge fan of Jim, Jack and Jose. I’m going to grab my boot flask and sit over there while you meet 25 anxious guys from all walks of life. You have fun.”
MEET THE BACHELORS
Chris H.
27
Real Estate Developer
Canada
Why we remember him: Your initial thought when he exited the limo and his named flashed across the bottom of the screen is that there will always and forever be ONE Chris H. on The Bachelor.
Status: Rose
Chris L.
33
Landscaper
Cape Cod, MA
Why we remember him: Cape Cod Chris is the inner city New York high school math teacher who thought it was a no brainer to move back to Massachusetts to help with his sick Mama. He told us that Jake was a douche for allowing Ali to cry in the hallway because she is wicked hawt. The Cod gets points for choosing NOT to reveal to Ali that his Mom passed away, figuring it was not a good first impression story. I predict he will go far.
Status: Rose
Chris N.
29
Entrepreneur
Orlando, FL
Why we remember him: You don’t.
Status: Rose
Craig M.
34
Dental Sales
Toronto, Canada
Why we remember him: At first glance, he reminds you of a distant cousin of Scott Speedman with tons of make-up on.
But then he starts putting seven varieties of product in his hair for a night on the town (watch oot Toronto) and you think again because you would never want Ben Covington to be in the same category as this guy. However, you post his sweet pic anyway.
Thank me later.
Coiffed Craig is our resident bad boy. He wears bright ties. He has McDreamy hair. He tells Ali that he is soooo glad she is not Vienna. (I’ll second that.) He is the antagonist with each group he encounters at the cocktail party. And I’d bet five bucks he is not 34 years old.
Status: Rose
Craig R.
27
Lawyer
Philadelphia, PA
Why we remember him: Craig is here for Ali. And all the other dudes had better feel the same or they’ll be sorry. And if you don’t believe him, watch out because he will tell on you in a heartbeat. And if reverting back to grade school tattling wasn’t enough, he gives Ali a pair of darling yellow tennis shoe key chains he got out of a gumball machine in 1987 at the Roller Rink. He will keep one. She will keep the other. This is Craig’s symbolic way of promising that one day…a pair of house keys will be placed on said ring.
Status: Rose (I’m sure Craig will spill every bit of dirt in the house if she promises to kiss him with tongue.)
Derek
28
Sales Manager
Los Angeles, CA
Why we remember him: Derek decided against the Bonnie Bell Dr Pepper Lip Smacker as a way for the viewing audience to remember him. Instead, he threw a bunch of crunchy old leaves in the air and encouraged Ali to make her dreams come true by catching one.
Status: No rose
Derrick or “Shooter”
27
Construction Engineer
San Diego, CA
Why we remember him: Derrick introduces himself as “Shooter” when he takes Ali’s hand and kisses it gently. She is intrigued. She is falling into his rehearsed trap. “What does Shooter mean?” she asks with a giggle in her voice. He tells her to come find him inside and she will find out. “Well played Shooter,” he thinks to himself as he grabs a cold one from the bar.
Ali adjusts her dress strap, grabs her damp train and swirls around, dreamily coming up with scenarios that could make such a hunky guy have a cool nickname like Shooter.
Is he a Happy Gilmore fan?
Is he a proud card carrying member of the NRA?
Is he a pro basketball player?
Is he the all-time highest scorer in Duck Hunt?
I think we can collectively agree that an embarrassing moment of premature ejaculation in college was not even a remote possibility in any of our minds. Ali’s response to the camera of uncontrollable laughter was one of my favorite parts of the night.
Status: No rose
Frank
31
Retail Manager (Starbucks Barista)
Geneva, IL or Paris
Why we remember him: Frank. Oh Frank. You either love him or he annoys the hell out of you. He’s a mixture of Break Dancer Mike’s energy from DeAHnna’s season, Reid’s awkward adoarableness from Jillian’s season and a Red Bull. He was a merger guy in Chicago, but wasn’t fulfilled. Now he is an aspiring screenwriter. And lives either in Paris or with his Mom and Dad in Geneva, Illinois. I lost track. In a Bachelor history first, he climbs out of the limo sun roof to win Ali’s heart. I think we have some serious editing going on when it comes to Frankie. I predict he will go far.
Status: Rose
Hunter
28
Internet Account Executive
San Antonio, TX
Why we remember him: Hunter introduced himself and then proceeded to tell Ali he had to go inside to pee. Nice. The next time we see him, he has a ukulele in his hands. Immediately, I get a shiver down my spine as images of He Who Must Not Be Named flood my subconscious. So help me if he says anything about how they say love don’t come easy, I’ll…
Calm down Lincee. It’s a ukulele. He’s either going to recite something funny or play Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” How bad can it be?
Turns out, I give it a mediocre thumbs up. He sang about loving the outdoors, hunting, fishing and something about a hot tub. However, he totally endeared himself to me when he assumed Coiffed Craig was wearing a toupee and later called him cocky.
Status: Rose
Jason
27
Construction consultant
Bloomfield, CO
Why we remember him: Jason starts off memorably by stepping out on the wrong side of the limo, climbing on top and back flipping off onto the ground. (Touché Frank. Touché.) We never learn anything about him other than his sarcastic comments to everyone else about everyone else. You know how I love the sarcasm. Hated to seem him go.
Status: No Rose
Jay
29
Lawyer
Barrington, RI
Why we remember him: Poor Jay is the first recipient this season of having a bless his heart moment. He’s a lawyer with his Dad and brothers. A family that sues together, stays together. Oh Jay. Bless your heart. Plus, he admits that he digs the way she left the show for her job. C’mon Jay. Did no one tell you she yelled, “JUST KIDDING” and “quit” her job to be the Bachelorette? You are an attorney! Get on Hulu like Dr Pepper Lip Smaker Derek did and do your research man!
Status: No rose
Jesse
24
General Contractor
Peculiar, AR
Why we remember him: Have you ever met a peculiar man?
Yeah. Didn’t’ go over so well for sweet Jesse either. Then he reminds us he is just an infant by revealing that the suit Ali just complimented is the first he’s ever purchased. But if carving a heart out of wood with your trusty jigsaw and fashioning it to a leather cord is good enough for Ali to give him a rose, then it’s good enough for me.
Status: Rose
John C.
27
Hotel Business Management
Issaquah, WA
Why we remember him: John C. thought that the appropriate thing to do in order to make Ali remember him was to get down on one knee upon meeting her for the first time ever and propose with a cubic zirconium ring. Ali thought that was awesome. I threw up in a bucket.
Status: Rose
John N.
27
Engineering Software Sales
Kansas City, MO
Why we remember him: [Crickets chirping.]
Status: No rose
Jonathan
30
Weatherman
Houston, TX
Why we remember him: I’m not sure if this came across last night, but Jonathan is a weatherman. Did you get that? Not only does he shave with an electric razor, but pink apparently makes his eyes pop on camera. I’d love to know his nighttime routine of removing his eye makeup. Oh…and he hates Coiffed Chris.
Status: Rose
Justin
26
Entertainment Wrestler
Toronto, Canada
Why we remember him: The head of this entertainment wrestler’s opponent (who weighed all of 140 pounds) was being smashed into a turn buckle as he sent a message out to all the other Bachelors. “Be scared. BE VERY SCARED.”
Then we see him on crutches with his sweet Mama and little Italian Granny.
The only thing that is scaring me right now is the soul patch under your lip Justin.
During one-on-one time with Ali, Justin casually loosens his tie, pops open his shirt to reveal his entertainment wrestler alter ego logo: R-RATED!
R-Rated: “I’m gonna lay the smack down on every guy in that room who even looks at you! Rated-R is gonna go down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang a right at Jabroni Drive and proceed to check their candy asses in at the Smackdown Hotel. Know you role and shut your mouth. If you smell… what R-Rated is cookin’!”
Then some dude we don’t know comes and steals Ali away and R-Rated is forced to crutch back inside to a group of men who were either scowling or pointing and laughing at him.
Coiffed Craig: “For real? You are a wrestler?”
R-Rated: “Entertainment wrestler. Why is that funny?”
Coiffed Craig: “Did you put her in a head lock and threatened to dump her in the pool?”
Poor Justin is feeling PG-13-Rated at best when Our Host Chris Harrison comes in with a masculine box and asks all of the dudes to write the name down of someone in the group who is NOT here for the right reasons.
I’m detecting a theme for this year’s season.
Several bad one-on-one moments later, the big burly bald guy who watched Roz pack her clothes up and escorted her to the Crown Victoria last year brought Our Host the name of the guy who was hated most.
ABC wanted us to believe it was Coiffed Chris, the Weatherman or Sarcastic Jason. But alas, PG-13 Rated was voted off the island.
PG-13: “Wow. Really? That’s ridiculous.”
OHCH: “Ali, you have a decision to make. You can choose to send PG-13 home immediately or you can choose to trust and give him a rose and he’s safe through the rose ceremony. Take some time and talk to this gentleman.”
PG-13 and Ali hobble off for some alone time.
PG-13: “I’m floored. You are the reason I am here.”
Ali: “Why did they pick you?”
PG-13: “It’s the entertainment wrestling. They think I’m here for my career. No one even knows we have entertainment wrestling in Canada. And how am I supposed to do it with a broken ankle?”
Ali: “Funny you mention that. The broken ankle might be a problem for me. You see, I like to be cradled, twirled and held all the time. Piggy backs are my life. How long will you be in that cast?”
PG-13: “Maybe another week or so?”
Ali: “Alright. You can stay.”
Status: Redemption Rose
Kasey
27
Advertising Account Executive
San Luis Obispo, CA
Why we remember him: Kasey’s real name is Krull–Warrior King and Protector of Hearts. He will never allow another woman to hurt in his presence.
Status: Rose
Kirk
27
Sales Consultant
Madison, WI
Why we remember him: Kirk has more craft project moves than Martha Stewart. Not only did he make Ali a rose out of the red paper napkin masquerading as a handkerchief in his breast pocket, but he took eight hours away from his diligent biking schedule to make her a scrapbook.
Let’s all agree with Coiffed Chris that this was a chach thing to do. But can’t we all also agree that we are relieved that the scrapbook wasn’t totally about Ali? How many of you were afraid that there would be pages and pages of random cut out pictures of Ali from US Weekly and the Enquirer? Or perhaps strands of her hair he snagged moments before when he hugged her at the limo? All I’m saying is that it could have been worse. Was it ideal? No. But let’s give him another shot.
Status: Rose
Kyle
26
Outdoorsman
Middle of Nowhere, CO
Why we remember him: Sweet Kyle needs himself a woman. And he’s going to beat her over the head with his club and drag her to Colorado if he has to! Or he can add her to the abundant animal mounts that already exist in his ice fishing cabin. I spy a deer, bobcat, quail, duck, pheasant, turtle, shark, possum and ground hog. For a split second, I was afraid the bulldog was stuffed too, but never fear. His tongue was wagging.
In other exciting news, Kyle tells one of the Bachelors we don’t know that he is going to ingest the first impression rose and become one with Ali. You know he has a pretty big knife strapped to his calf. Had Legends of the Fall made it through to the next round, I’d warn all the Bachelors to keep a sharp eye on their scalps if they know what’s good for them.
Status: No Rose
Phil
30
Investment Manager
Chicago, IL
Why we remember him: I had some notes on Phil. They were boring. Consider yourself spared.
Status: No rose
Roberto or Robert-O
26
Insurance Agent
Charleston, SC
Why we remember him: Robert-O spoke Spanish AND offered to salsa dance with Ali upon their first meeting. Ali thought he was S-E-X-Y and was thrilled when he came to steal her away from Legends of the Fall trying to put a fish hook in her dress. He offered her his jacket and asked what she wanted in life. She answered, “True love.” Robert-O was smitten. Ali was smitten. Then they danced. And he complimented her.
Note: How many times do I have to tell the men reading this recap…LEARN TO DANCE.
Ali gives him the first impression rose because he is sweet, he made her laugh and he made her feel at ease. The others call him Rico Suave.
Steve
28
Sales Representative
Cleveland, OH
Why we remember him: Steve got out of the limo and was very disappointed that Ali was not wearing her signature yellow dress.
Ali: “I know, right? Thank you so much for noticing! They said that everyone would expect me to wear yellow, so I should wear something else. They gave me this black monstrosity. Not only is the train all wet and the arms don’t stay up, but there’s a Bedazzled bunny tail covering my back tat. What is that about?”
Steve, having never been so close to a woman before, curtsies and heads inside the house to hide.
Status: Rose
Ty
31
Medical Sales
Franklin, TN
Why we remember him: This southern boy has a killer accent. But alas, he’s the token recent divorcé who as inappropriately decided to find love after being away from his ex-wife for two months. He is charming though.
Status: Rose
Tyler M.
25
Catering Manager
Austin, TX
Why we remember him: Tyler is proud of his cowboy boots. And he was excited to tell Ali that he loved that she loved cowboy boots too. And he recalled how she too wore cowboy boots on her first night out of the limo. And he thinks that is awesome. Ali coolly replied that she was in fact NOT wearing cowboy boots and that the real tragedy was that Tyler M. was wearing a black suit with brown boots.
Status: No Rose
Tyler V.
25
Online Advertising
Milford, CT
Why we remember him: In the words of The Who and the original CSI series… “Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who?”
Status: Rose
There we have it. Seventeen guys ready and waiting to give Ali a piggy back all over Tahiti! There will be tears. There will be a fake photo shoot. There will be an ambulance. And someone dramatically leaves.
I’m calling it. Right now. This season has potential. I’m pumped.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
#100 Tracy – right there with you on Vienna. ABC has seriously annoyed me with the “Jake & Vienna” hype. No one else got to dance with their significant others. As soon as “On The Wings of Love” started, I fast forwarded through it. Actually, I fast forwarded through most of DWTS last night.
#97 – My Awesomeness, diaper cakes can look FANTASTIC if done really well. I’ve maybe seen a handful in my lifetime. I remember one I thought was an actual cake till someone told me it wasn’t. lol
#98 – Juno – thanks for the reminder about SYTYCD! I didn’t remember which night it was.
Great recap! I can’t believe I’m watching this dumb show AGAIN!! It’s only because Lincee makes it worth it.
I nearly choked on my popcorn when I saw Jonathon the weatherman get out of the limo. I roll my eyes every time I see him on the weekend news. He is such a DORK, and makes the most awkward, unfunny jokes and comments . The anchors have to struggle at times to bring it back to normalcy.This ought to be interesting….
You cannot compare Frank to Reid people! Frank was yelling in the beginning about marrying Ali and being in love with her and he had not met her yet! Reid was commitment shy, remember? The only thing they have in common is glasses.
Shame on the ABC intern, telling poor Derrick that that nickname story was cute and that Ali would love his honestly. ABC intern through poor Shooter under the bus.
#81 JennaferN – Thank you so much for being the only one (besides myself) who seems to have noticed that Chris H. looks like Chris Evans. Yum!
Steve – looks like a younger, pocket-sized Aidan Quinn
Clairol Craig – personality of angry Russell Crowe
1) I love the cheat sheet – first time I actually wrote down comments.
2) I think Cape Cod Chris will go far, Jesse will go far, Roberto will go far but I think he is the one with a girlfriend, Kasey sounded like he was talking through a window and unfortunately is a psycho/stalker type, Hair for Men is ManCode Dave, Frank is a hyped up version of Reid and now I see the Mesnick similarities (ick), Weatherman is short and annoying and I will refer to him a TC (the jump on the Oprah couch TC!), I like the first guy out of the limo Chris, Justin seriously a wrestler and you didnt expect comments, Hunter is funny but may be a bugger, TN TY has a great voice but his hair needs trimming, Steve is just a shortmans version of Weatherman, Kirk is Lance A and I similarly do not like him at all …
3) now – AI – I have been Team Lee all season. I personally think he is better than Crystal and more likeable. But I admit she “performed” better last night. Did Lee peak one week too early? It was a Crystal Lovefest at the judges table…I personally want Lee to win just so I can have the winner be someone I know I will buy…I have already downloaded 6 of Lee’s songs but haven’t even considered downloading any of Crystal’s…well, actually I guess I did – her duet with Lee!
Oh yea, and Johnathon is too much like Jake, yech
I bet Jake knows what color shirt makes his eyes pop on camera too.
People! Frank is no Reid. Reid let his personality and wit shine through gradually… Frank is a ham. The two have some physical similarities but that is it. Team Reid! (I don’t care that he’s off the show.
)
Again, thanks Lincee for the LMAO moments.
Just one bone to pick…Jonathon is a H-Town boy (even though I don’t watch him on Channel 2) Ya should not pick on him! He is tooo pocket sized to pick on (Oops!)
I am really ready for this season! Krazy Kasey!! Coo-Coo Canadian Craig! Romantic Roberto!!! Can’t wait for the scene when she chases after the no-good buster that does her wrong!!!
I am ready for the hide behind the pillow moments, Lincee! Let’s do this thing!!
Also, I was horrified by the Jake/Vienna waltz last night on DWTS!!! I never need to see them again and the danced to OTWL!!! I screamed (literally) at the TV for the whole dance.
I have even skipped that once good song on Pandora!
I’m pretty sure the guy Ricardo, and the guy from cape cod are my top 2.
and I too was very confused about Frank suddenly living in Paris? hmmm….
also the guy who wore cowboy boots because he thought Ali did…..haha! I wonder which girl last season he thought he was going to meet?
#86 Sgt Cole – I didn’t mean to question your heterosexuality!! I meant to applaud the fact that you watch Glee unlike others I know whom I consider to be cowards. Glad my guess on your age went in the right direction though!
I think I missed something. Where is this cheat sheet that people are talking about?
I’m definitely cheering for Cape Cod Chris! Here’s hoping he doesn’t disappoint me like Ali did after she was my front runner on last season’s first episode.
Frank /= Reid.
I dated a guy like Frank for about 8 months – cute, fun, spontaneous-seeming, charming, was in a band (the “artistic” side, as opposed to screenwriting)… His kind of personality gets really old after a while though, and it feels like he’s “on” all of the time. And maybe Ali missed that HE. LIVES. WITH. HIS. PARENTS.
And while I like for the beginning episodes to bring the crazy… I really wish TPTB would be more conscientious about screening out people who have actual mental health issues… or if that’s not actually what happens, that they wouldn’t sensationalize self-harming for ratings
Cheat sheet-
http://cdn.media.abc.go.com/m/pdf/shows/the-bachelorette/cheat_sheet.pdf
http://cdn.media.abc.go.com/m/pdf/shows/the-bachelorette/cheat_sheet.pdf?cmp=10_BACT_cheat_sheet
CHEAT SHEET
Great recap, I’m at work still laughing. I think Craig M = McDreamy’s brother!
also, on a lighter note… for everyone saying the weatherman is a dork… i actually took notes monday night (first time ever, thanks cheatsheet!). and that’s all I have written next to his picture: DORK.
heh.
That’s funny – I have written next to the weatherman’s picture – “Gay.” And next to Kasey – “Psycho.” And next to Clairol Craig – “Player.”
I have “Front Runner” next to Cape Cod Chris and “dark horse” next to John C. Oh yes, and “Great dog” next to Ty
I’ve also said that Frank (who I want to call “Fred,” who I know is a different Chicago guy entirely and really not like Frank except that they are both from Chicah-go) is the guy you want to have at all your parties, but totally NOT the guy you want to marry. Roberto is either as he appears, nice, romantic, family guy…or he’s a real slime. Jury is out, awaiting more evidence one way or the other.
Spoiler alert : A friend of mine’s friend saw Ali in the airport in Wisconsin last month, so we’re pretty sure Kirk made it at least to the final 4…
I missed last night’s episode, but will catch up next week! Loved the recap!
Another great recap! Thanks for making this stupid show so enjoyable!
And I did throw up in a bucket watching Cheesearse and Sausage dance last night…way to ruin an otherwise great show!
Thanks LASS and bahamamama! Gosh, I have to keep coming back to this post to look at Scott Speedman every once in awhile. (Swoon.)
#120 Juno.
the guy i dated who Frank reminds me of… is actually named Fred.
that’s weird.
Did anyone think that Craig M. looked JUST LIKE Tori Spelling’s husband…Dean McDermott?!?!!!! It is CRAZY how much they look alike!!!!
#115 Marus–I know you think that those attributes you list make Frank not equal to Reid, but those things ALL applied to Reid, too!
“cute”–check;
“fun”–check,
“spontaneous-seeming”–I got that from Reid,
“charming”–sure, if you like that “quirky” sort of thing
“was in a band”–check (have you seen the youtube video of Reid playing guitar? If not, it’s there)
His kind of personality gets really old after a while though”–this is EXACTLY how I felt about Reid. Liked him at first, his schtick got VERY OLD during the course of the show.
“And maybe Ali missed that HE. LIVES. WITH. HIS. PARENTS.”–and TRIPLE CHECK. Reid lived with this parents and oh yeah, HE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CAR!!
Okay. I feel better now. I cannot understand all the Reid-love, he bugged me FOR REALZ.
So, basically, I feel the same as you about Frank–not a fan, think he tried way too hard–but I think he is very much like Reid…
#126: I didn’t mean that those attributes meant Frank /= to Reid… I just wanted to say i think he’d get old real fast.
reid could be annoying… but more endearing than frank, i thought. maybe that’s why i tolerated it more in him… his was naturally that way. frank it feels like he is putting on a persona… and that’s even MORE annoying to me
(also – i don’t have a car either
)
Loved having the cheat sheet- but not enough room for a whole season’s notes! I agree that Clairol Craig resembles Hugh Jackman. Cape Cod looks like a keeper or the next bachelor. I miss Reid!
Who knew all there were all of us CO watchers reading Lincee’s blog? I too felt the need to call out Kyle the “outdoorsman” (read: retail clerk at REI). I live in his “mountainous, lonely” town too and can walk to the freakin’ Super Target and Home Depot. Well filmed and edited interns! I bet those stuffed animals were the ones at the Wildlife Experience
Ali still hasn’t swayed me yet, she’s still a that mean girl from last season…
#127 Marus–my apologies then:) I am kind of Reid-sensitive I guess, because I got flamed pretty hard on another site for saying that I wasn’t a fan. There are a few obsessive Reid-ites out there:)
#96 Anastasia Beaverhousen
Girl, your screen name still makes me spit out my Diet Coke every time I come across it. Best.one.ever. Wish I’d thought of it. Schmoopy, you take second place.
130 – Missy
no worries… while i loved reid for a while, i totally agree that he’d probably get really annoying really soon, it would just take a while to figure it out. these characters they picked for Ali are mostly all annoying right away
Ok, so check this out…The Bachelorette is back on and I am really excited about reading Lincee’s blog and watching the drama. Coincidentally, tonight I was at the gym in Tampa working out on the elliptical machine while checking out all the guys trying to outdo each other all over the place. I suddenly became wide-eyed as I looked a mere 10 feet in front of me to see MAN CODE DAVE lifting weights and being cool! I am not kidding. I did a double-take and right then he turned towards me and honest to God looked right at me with his crazy eyes! His bio said he is from Ohio, but this was definitely him. He had the same tatoos on his arms and everything. I’ve been going there for 4 years and right when the show is back on I see Crazy Dave. Funny. What a tool.
Thanks for the support Tessa. Glee rocks. To the haters: If you dump on Glee, you are basically Hitler. Yep, I said it (or wrote it anyways)
I just thought of something with crazy Kasey. I bet that he did not slit his wrist. I think he got Ali’s name tattooed on his forearm. That would explain the tattoo count on the guys bios.
Just so everyone knows, I am totally guessing. I don’t read any of the spoilers, the tattoo thing is just my suspicion.
Omg, whoever said cape cod should be next bach, pleaaaaaase take it back. Not because he isn’t great- but seriously, who else is gonna puke if there’s one more reject as the next bach/bachette?!? FRESH meat! C’mon guys, we’ve been saying it for ages! Let’s make waves and get some hot, unknown buck on there for a whole new ballgame!
Jen J – I bet that’s totally it. that would be super creepy.
#49- Yes, I thought Kasey had a super weird voice. It’s like a Kermit voice or something; I couldn’t take him seriously.
I was a little disappointed with the guys chosen this season; I don’t think many of them are cute. Roberto, of course, is very hot. But they never end up with the ones I like. I don’t know all the names yet to comment on anyone else.
And I don’t know if it’s just me, but I get a gay vibe from several of the guys…shall be interesting.
Coiffed Craig reminded me of Robert Downey Jr. But I’ve seen Hugh Jackman mentioned in the comments, and I can see that too – sorta.
Thank you, thank you Lincee for the Scott Speedman pic…love him! It’s kind of unfortunate it was in reference to the biggest cheese ass in the place. Craig totally reminds me of angry Brad from Jillian’s season..only a matter of time before he makes reference to Ali’s T and A…
bahamamama (#137) – I was the one that made that prediction. Sorry I should have been more clear. I didn’t mean I wanted him to be – it’s just what I think will happen. Do I want new blood/fresh meat? ABSOLOUTELY!! Do I think ABC will do that? Not a chance.
Oh and Saggleo – so far I’m still spoiler free. I’ve even told a couple of fellow addicts, I mean fellow watchers at work, who also don’t read the spoilers to help me keep the focus on the fun this year and not knowing what will happen.
If you read Chris H’s blog on EW- read his blog but not the comments. Last year, and I would guess already this year, people posting comments post spoilers from Reality Steve etc.
#121 please no spoilers here. Our crowd likes to wait for the show to find out what is going to happen. Thanks.
#107 Blahchelorette Said, Weatherman is short and annoying and I will refer to him a TC (the jump on the Oprah couch TC!),
THANK YOU THANK YOU BLACHELORETTE FOR AGREEING WITH MY ASSESSMENT!!! I called weatherman looking like TC upon first viewing him Monday night! ICK!!! He’s not funny, he’s not charming! (RHONYC reference)
#135 Jen J…I thought that too about Casey.
I also think he and Tenly should get together..they could drive each other crazy with the way they speak. (I’m not cruel and don’t know if Casey has a hearing issue, my niece is deaf and her dialect is differentt than that so I’ve never heard it that way if that is the reason for how he sounds, but he speaks in the same taking a breath speed as Tenly too…so yeah…I’d be curious to see a convo between them).
Oh and Crazy Hair Craig…is no Hugh Jackman! no no no no. =)
Sagg- did you (or anyone else) notice when TC did this LOOk in response to someone (maybe Clairol Craig?), where his head was kind of down and he brought his eyes up- I heard psycho music! It was a straight-up serial killer look.
I’m a long time reader, first time poster, but you had me on the floor laughing with this line:
“I let fear and insecurities and the power to notify someone that they had been poked dictate my life.” Classic! Love the blog and I can’t wait for the rest of this season to unfold!
#146 – bahamamama – OMG YES YES I DID!!!! It’s in one of my posts somewhere…maybe on the “first glance” blog post Lincee has up – I’m glad I’m not alone!!! That’s also where I was noticing even more the extreme TC resemblence.
man I’ve missed this – I wasn’t going to watch this season b/c I’m no Ali fan, but Lincee and you guys make it worth it!!!
Hey, maybe Craig M and Scott Speedman really are related. After all, they’re both from wonderful Toronto!
Lincee,
You’re awesome. So is this blog! I’m so excited for this season!! Jenny 5000:that is the funniest quote about cougars I’ve ever heard!
I’m pulling for cape cod chris. I personally like Craig M’s hair(it’s good hair!) but he does seem creepy. I heart Ben/Scott Speedman, always have, always will. Frank I liked as well, he’s got personality. Kasey talked through his nose…..or something.
Ali looked a hot mess with that hair and the falling off dress.
I DIED when shooter told us his story. I mean really!! My MOM watches this show.
#84-I agree that Phil was hot. He was the only one on my list that did not get a rose.
I also think that Craig M. does look like Hugh Jackman but Steve looks nothing like Aidan Quinn. Believe me. I have been in love with Aidan Quinn forever.
And because Reid’s name keeps coming up, I will say that Weatherman’s pic looks like Reid. Of course I would take Reid over Jonathan any day. Jonathan is a huge dork.
*Beware-If you read any of the blog comments on ABC.com under the guys pics, there is a spoiler. Man I was bummed because I wanted to watch the season and be surprised. So if you don’t want to know, don’t read them. I will respect the rules here and not spoil it for anyone else.