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Bachelor Recap: Long Kiss + Awkward Kiss = Guinness Record!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013 @ 04:01 PM
Author: Lincee

I’ve watched The Bachelor for all 17 seasons. The producers love tradition. Variations of most contestants and dates can easily be repeated year after year, and we’ve grown to expect and anticipate what’s in store as we all sit down to watch this train wreck of a show.

But every season has its own quirk and I have to give it up to the producers for insisting that each week, viewers must suffer through the opening 60-second montage of Sean working out in the gym. It’s fascinating how sweaty one shirtless guy can get in that short amount of time, but rituals such as these are important in order to maintain the integrity of the show. Keep the tradition alive, Sean. Maybe do some curls next week. Or some sit ups? Since I’m a fan of abs, I’d totally tweet about it. Bonus for you!

With that said, the remaining 119 minutes of the show consisted of a long list of “firsts” for The Bachelor. Sure, some of the details may have been familiar, but there were several inaugural moments Sean introduced that had me both cheering and/or screaming at my television screen and hiding mortified behind my couch cushion.

Which, of course, is totally normal for me. ON WITH THE RECAP!

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you linked on Twitter happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the nail stylist or bowing instructor of someone who is obsessed with the fictional life of Matthew Crawley like me and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people

The person in charge of putting Our Host Chris Harrison in blue shirts should be given a raise. Just a thought.  The Hare runs through his spiel, explaining that there will be two single dates, a group date and alas…some ladies will be stuck at home with nothing left to do than manipulate the integrity of the spiral staircase banister. He pulls the card from his back pocket (again…lucky card) before Selma reads aloud that Lesley is the lucky recipient of the first one-on-one, which is super convenient since she’s totally ready to take this relationship to the next level.

What does one wear when taking this relationship to the next level? Why a short, pink lace backless cocktail dress of course! Sporting a token v-neck and workout shorts, Sean encourages Lesley to play the guessing game to see if she has any clue where they may be going on their date. Because she’s not a complete door knob, Lesley wisely guesses “somewhere on a jet” and “a picnic in a vineyard” as I scream “HOT TUB” and “TO BLANDLY DANCE AS AN OBSCURE BAND WHO HAS AN ALBUM DROPPING ON ITUNES THIS WEEK PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND!”

We were both wrong.  But neither Lesley nor I would ever dream that Sean would take her to the Guinness World Record Museum on Hollywood Boulevard. Even after learning that Sean’s dad, his friend and super hot brother-in-law (did we see him at the home town dates last year?) set a world record driving through 48 states in 97 hours, I began to feel sorry for Les for getting the lame date that was Plan B because the cooler adventure fell through.

As they made their way through a door, I saw something that made the entire ordeal make sense.

Harrison in a vest. HARRISON IN A VEST! Hot. Hot. Hot.

Apparently, Sean and Lesley will be vying for a position as one half of the couple who holds the longest on-screen kiss. Therefore, we have to watch the love birds make out for three minutes and 16 seconds. To spice it up, ABC gives us three different angles marking the record breaking event. We get to see their lips up close in camera one, Harrison masterfully working the crowd in camera two and a wide shot of the couple in camera three. After taking the obligatory eighth-grade dance stance (ARIE! WE NEED YOU AGAIN!), Sean and Lesley were mugging down with passion, but by minute one, they had resorted to just pressing their lips together. Kissing is hard, y’all. And trying to keep your shorty dress down over your money maker while making out with a boy for three-plus minutes is even harder. Whatever. THEY BREAK THE RECORD! CONFETTI CANNONS IGNITE! Celebrate good times. Come on.

After that special moment, Sean concludes that their first date is definitely one for the record books. Hardy, har, har Mr. Lowe. You’re punny. On the serious, he does feel that there is some chemistry and he wants to explore these feelings further in a futon on the top of the Roosevelt Hotel. Annnnnd there’s Lesley’s moneymaker again. Wow. It should get a credit at the end of the show. I feel like I know it personally now.

Lesley tells Sean that she was a nerd in high school and that she loves spending time with her family more than her friends. Clearly, this is Sean’s love language and he gives her bare a knee a squeeze with the hopes that she’ll take the bull by the horns and give him a kiss that can compete with their recent three minutes in heaven. She leans in and gives him a quick peck. He’s digging her. His words, not mine. I’m bothered that she can’t seem to hold eye contact, but not enough to write her off. He says he’s in it, she says she’s in it. The ABC intern helps them out of the futon so they can make out properly as the confetti cannon goes off again.

Huh. Must have been some special two-for-one deal at Party City. Is confetti the new statement necklace? We’ll have to see.

GROUP DATE
Kacie B
Robyn
Leslie H.
Kristy
Catherine
Des
Taryn
Amanda
Lindsay
Daniella
Jackie
Tierra

The girls are dropped off on a beach where Sean has traded in his trademark v-neck for a bright blue tank top. Immediately, the girls command that he take off that silly little tank and someone begins rubbing his chest as if she has baby oil or sunscreen, yet she does not. Awkward.

Speaking of something that was completely random and unnecessary, Our Host Chris Harrison has joined the motley crew wearing linen pants and a long-sleeve button-down shirt untucked.

What in the world? Isn’t this the perfect time for the Hare to rock a bathing suit? Perhaps a little wet suit action? I tweeted him, inquiring why he was so covered up for his trip to the beach. He said he wanted to wear a thong, but Mike Fleiss wouldn’t let him.  Check it out by clicking HERE.

Oh Harrison. Always the professional.

He tells the girls that the 12 of them will be divided into two groups of six and be forced to play volleyball. Six winners get the chance to have one-on-one time with Sean. According to Taryn, this volleyball game is the most important game in the history of volleyball and the only way to win is to not get distracted if your boob happens to pop out of your corporate sponsored bikini inspired by a picture of Rachel Hunter in a Spiegel catalog circa 1986.

Ironically, I never quite took the time to recognize and appreciate the corporate sponsor enough to know their name. I must have been distracted by all of the body paint and flailing limbs sprawled all over the sandy court. It should be simple really. Bump, set, spike. Yet, our bachelorettes were more of the slap, kick, punch variety and finishing the game before the sun set became the greater challenge. To say it was the worst television ever is an understatement. When the blue team finally won, I was mesmerized by the amount of legitimate crying that was happening on red team. Is it because they lost time with Sean? Perhaps Ford Model Kristy is embarrassed that she cried her false eyelashes off? Maybe her bandana was too tight? It could be because ABC made them ride in a van in nothing but their bikinis? We will never know.

What we do know is THIS is how to properly play a game of beach volleyball.

That will never, ever, get old.

The winners change into their trendiest party clothes, making sure at least 10 inches of thigh is showing, as they settle in the back yard of Sean’s bachelor pad. Lindsay manages to charm Sean on the stairway.

Lindsay: “Really. I want you to forget that whole wedding dress thing. I’m super normal. You are everything I’m looking for!”
Sean: “Great. I had no idea you had this sweet side. I like you too.”

Lindsay: “I feel chemistry. I feel biology. I feel physics.”
Sean: “If I kiss you, will you stop talking in a baby voice?”

Next up is Des. She feels blessed and lucky to be in such good graces with our bachelor. They meet on the wicker couch out back. Sean grabs her general butt area (another trademark of his) and she giggles before explaining to him that she is fun, but also emotional and even deep at times. Her arms are really tone too from rowing the creek every day.

During Amanda’s alone time, she begins by sharing that she has something serious to say. Sean prepares himself for the worst.

Amanda: “When you described what you were looking for in a woman, you described me.”
Sean: “Interesting. I can tell you have a genuine heart.”

Amanda: “If we were to get married, I would bring such a light and airy atmosphere.”
Sean: “So you feel meteorology?”

Meanwhile, Des can hear EVERYTHING Amanda is saying to Sean and a somewhat jealous attitude begins to rear its ugly head. She secretly calls Amanda creepy, figuring she and Jen Lindley would be totally BFFs. Unacceptable. Dawson Sean is her man.

Amanda: “I was able to show Sean a different side of me today.”
Des: “That’s true. You killed it on the court today.”
Amanda: “It has nothing to do with volleyball.”

OKAY CALM DOWN LADIES. Kacie B. is NOT having this drama and is so concerned for the well-being of the entire dynamic of the bachelorette mansion that she must go to Sean and tattle to him that Des and Amanda are at odds with each other and she is stuck in the middle without a hope in the world.

Kacie, Kacie, Kacie. As resident Bachelor historian of the group, surely you know before anyone that meddling in the business of your fellow contestants and then informing the man of your dreams about said resident crazies is the quickest way to be sent back to the band bus.

Kacie: “I’ve been caught between a rock and a hard spot. Des feels that there is something negative about Amanda. Since Des and I are friends, she confided in me.”
Sean: “Why do you care? They both seem fine.”

Kacie: “Because I’m stuck in the middle! I’m not a drama person.”
Lincee: “Said the dramatic person.”
Sean: “Again. Why do you care? I want you to act like normal Kacie. Not this crazy person I’m seeing right now.”

I think four of the six people at my house had to stand up and applaud at that last statement. TEAM SEAN!

Kacie: “My plan did not work.”
My friend Carrie: “Maybe you shouldn’t be planning things when you’re that drunk.”

Seriously. She could barely keep her eyes open when Sean handed the date rose to Lindsay and her chemistry. Bless her heart. She’s over tired.

SECOND ONE-ON-ONE
AshLee

Evil Tierra fetches the final envelope of the episode and triumphantly reads AshLee’s name. Then she reads Selma’s name and the life is sucked out of the sunken living room faster than Daniella pounding down her fifth cosmo of the evening.

“Just kidding!” she cackles as Selma picks her jaw off the floor while Sarah shouts, “UNCOOL TIERRA. UNCOOL.”

AshLee composes herself, changes into a dress appropriate for a bridesmaid luncheon and patiently waits for her v-neck clad date to arrive. Although we didn’t actually see the incident, we did hear Tierra apparently fall down the stairs. No word on whether she was pushed or sacrificed her body for the sake of love.

A burly young man bumbles into view to make sure she’s indeed breathing and not bleeding.  Sean arrives with a concerned look on his brow, inquiring if anyone recalled any signs of a concussion. He puts his hand on her butt region and waits as the paramedics finally arrive immediately issuing a neck brace. After she was strapped to a gurney, Tierra insisted that she be released from this pesky apparatus because she was fine.

Popping up off the ground, she rushed to the sanctuary of the gazebo only to be joined by Sean who rudely hung out with her instead of leaving on time for his one-on-one date with AshLee.

Once it’s clear that Tierra hasn’t sustained any life altering injuries, Sean whisks AshLee away in a Jeep (completely ruining her luncheon hair) and pulls in an amusement park parking lot, excited to see if she has some “kid” in her.

Dude. Who is in charge of telling these girls what to wear on their dates? Poor AshLee is stuck schlepping around super cool roller coasters in nothing but her shorty dress and wedge sandals. At one point, the audience is treated to a glimpse of her under carriage as she’s flying back and forth on that huge pirate boat ride. (This was both confirmed and discussed with Some Guy in Austin after the show. I believe the words “bachelorette” and “beaver” were used on his side of the conversation. Gross.  I’m sticking with under carriage.  It’s so much classier.  Sorry Mama.)

All unintentional flashing of the lady bits aside, Sean has decided to bring along two young girls who are members of a social network sponsored by Starlight Children’s Foundation. These sweet, darling girls share a disease, a love of music and a fascination with The Bachelor. They live states away from each other and are finally meeting to have a day where they can forget their illness and dance together to the musical stylings of the Eli Young Band.

Cue the water works. How adorable were these girls? How cool was this date? Could it be that we have substance? I can’t stand it.

Later, AshLee and Sean discuss families and she tells him that she was adopted. After many foster homes, at six-years-old her new Daddy told her he would tell her he loved her every single day. And he was right! She told Sean that she wasn’t bitter, or mad. In fact, she said she was the luckiest girl in the world. And Sean started to cry.

WHAT IS GOING ON? HAVE I ACCIDENTALLY SWITCHED TO THE BIGGEST LOSER OR EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER?

Sean says that AshLee’s positive attitude makes him admire her even more. So he gives her the rose and they go with the Starlight girls to dress up in old western outfits. AshLee wonders why they didn’t do this first. A hoop skirt at least will cover up the free peep show at the log ride. Geez.

ROSE CEREMONY
Sean wears a grey suit, blue shirt and black tie. Before Harrison can intervene with a unanimous PLEASE NO, Sean finds Sarah and takes her out to the driveway where the contents of an approaching limo will wash away all the hurt she feels from not receiving a date this week.

Enter Leo. Sarah’s dog. Who apparently doesn’t want to have anything to do with Sarah, but prefers a tattered tennis ball to any human being.

Yes dogs are cute and it sicked me out a little that he licked her in the mouth (the dog, not Sean) but I found this entire exchange extremely random.

Later, Tierra milks her faux fall for all it’s worth by complaining that her back hurts, but she’s going to press on for the sake of the journey. Sean assures her that she will get ample alone time…if she just sticks it out long enough. Before she can turn that statement into a flirty dirty innuendo, Des rows over to Dawson Sean and steals him away. This royally ticks off our physical therapy patient.

Des charms and kisses Pacey Sean before Tierra steals him back. Sean assures Des that he’ll return soon. This goes on forever among several of the women. Poor Des is still sitting on her little couch waiting for Prince Charming to return. He never does.  [I don't wanna wait...]

Instead, he gets some one-on-one time with Kacie B. who immediately apologizes for being a drama queen fool the night before. Sean admits that their relationship took several steps in the wrong direction before politely escorting her back to the sunken living room upon hearing Harrison’s champagne flute calling of the contestants.

I blame Kacie B’s whack-a-do-ness on the wet suit dress with the DayGlo zipper and matching hair rubber band. I think her campaign for the next “Bachelorette” season has come to a halt, but her new found personality has Bachelor Pad written all over it.

Harrison reminds us that Lesley, AshLee and Lindsay have all secured roses and will be safe during the rose ceremony. Sean takes an epic-long pause before asking Kacie to join him outside. He takes the rose with him. Party foul.

He basically tells her thanks, but no thanks, puts her in an unmarked van and hands roses out to:

Tierra the Terrible
Leslie H.
Catherine
Daniella
Robyn
Selma
Sarah
Jackie
Amanda
Des

Kristy the Ford Model and Taryn are sent home. Neither make complete fools of themselves, but there are a few tears and a bit of snot.

It looks like next week will be a doozie! Tierra melts down in front of Sean, ROLLER DERBY and the token Pretty Woman date that always ends badly.

What do you guys think? Will Sean smell the crazy on Tierra? Should we tell her that “fakeness” is not a word? Will someone break a bone or rupture a spleen when whipped around the corner at the Derby? Will Sean taste the chocolate or taste the chocolate? Sound off in the comments section.

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

66 Responses to “Bachelor Recap: Long Kiss + Awkward Kiss = Guinness Record!”

  1. Charlene says:

    Killing me with the DC Lincee! And poor Kacie B – the booze, the lashes, the shame, oh my!

  2. Kellie says:

    Lincee, this might be your best recap yet! I am on the floor!!!! thanks for the laughs!!!!

  3. TX QP says:

    whack-a-do-ness? Oh Lincee, where do you come up with this? Hilarious.

  4. Anne says:

    Great recap as always, Lincee! You and OHCH certainly seem to have some playful banter going on on Twitter – what fun!

    I think Kacie B was getting weirder each week. Maybe too much spray tan (she was super orange last night)? Besides making the classic mistake of complaining about other girls, she wastes her “precious time with Sean” talking about negative stuff rather than getting lovey-dovey.

  5. Lyn in Denver says:

    Dez, Lauren, AshLee… big fans. These women seem more self-aware than previous constestants.

    Sean bringing Leo the dog was so nice! She lives in LA, why not?

  6. danalea says:

    My favorite was the Top Gun video…can’t ever tire of that one!

  7. Kristin says:

    UNDER CARRIAGE! Haha! I am using that from now on! Also, I liked the part where Des waits for him on the couch [I don't wanna wait...] The Dawson’s parts are pretty funny.

    I thought Kacie’s dress looked like and Ocean Pacific outfit from the 80s, but scuba is true, too.

    It looks like Sean won’t figure out Tierra’s craziness for a while at least.

  8. Lincee says:

    Love to hear your favorites! Thanks ladies!

  9. laura says:

    her arms are tone from rowing the creek!!! :)

  10. Jill says:

    If it doesn’t work out for Des, perhaps Top Gun Tom Cruise would be interested as a Katie Holmes look-a- like!

  11. Whitney says:

    “Will he taste the chocolate or will he taste the chocolate?” I literally spewed water from my mouth on that one!

    Loved this recap!

    Can’t wait for next week’s Tierra meltdown!

  12. meg says:

    Hey All, why do you think 2 of the girls were recapping their feelings after the date had happened but the dates ended at night and the girls were in broad daylight, in the clothes they had on.
    Also, who the heck are Catherine and Jackie?

  13. Mary says:

    Greatness! Super funny and the video was an unexpected delight!

  14. Cindi says:

    Man am i looking forward to a roller derby date! I always pretend i am one of the contestants (sans husband) and would so be kicking all the other girls’ arses were I on a roller derby date. The sadness of being too old to take advantage of this magnificent lovefest overwhelms me with sadness. But maybe Lincee, one day, I can live precariously through you as you make a television debut on a season of the Bachelor Pad.

  15. Sara says:

    I think the volleyball scene was supposed to be a turn on…total fail! Homegirls can’t play! I totally agree with the Kacie switch, I loved her during Bens? season but this was not good for her! She going a little Emily Maynard strange on us!

  16. Mel says:

    Great recap, as always! One of the funniest yet!

    I don’t know what happened to Kacie…she was my fav on Ben’s season, but this season she was different…arrogant, maybe? She just wasn’t the same nice person who was portrayed before. Then again, I strongly disliked Kalon on Emily’s season, but liked him after BP3…editing at it’s finest, LOL!

    Did anyone else catch the self tanner stains on the palms of Lesley’s hands? It was during one of the “interviews” when she was talking about the Guiness Book kiss…I thought for sure Lincee would throw her a “bless her heart!” :)

  17. Amy M. says:

    Kacie B’s dress reminded me of a Venus Williams tennis outfit.

    I love how Sean called Kacie out. But not how he ditched Ashlee for Tierra. Rude.

  18. Dgdaisy says:

    My favorite* dude. Whose in charge of telling them what to where on their dates? I thought the exact same thing !

    And Glad I’m not the only one that thought all of their under carriages were hanging out. I dress like a nun in comparison to those hooch dresses. Too short!

  19. Kim says:

    I loved this recap too…too many hilarious parts to list. I do love all cameos by the intern: “The ABC intern helps them out of the futon so they can make out properly as the confetti cannon goes off again.”
    Seriously, what is with the wardrobe choices? I was uncomfortable FOR AshLee. That date was a winner though, minus Sean forgoing (haha) the beginning to encourage Tierra in her ploy for attention. I am sick of Tierra and Amanda….ready for them to go (or the suggestion they duke it out would be an acceptable alternative…)

  20. Becca says:

    Lincee – You are totally right about the outfits.

    “AshLee composes herself, changes into a dress appropriate for a bridesmaid luncheon and patiently waits for her v-neck clad date to arrive.”

    Too funny! They must have leftover outfits from build a bear from Ashley’s season.

    And I agree with others about Kacie B. She seems desperate and apparently has developed a drinking problem since Ben’s season.

  21. Miriam says:

    I thought Kacie B.’s dress looked like an exercise dress (is that a thing?). It was the icing on a very sad cake : (

    Great recap as always, Lincee!

  22. Betsy says:

    Love the recap! I always look forward to Tuesdays!

    Lincee- I look forward to the recap where most of the girls have nicknames. They always crack me up!

  23. Anne says:

    Does anyone else think that Sean looks a little like Steve McQueen?

  24. Ashley says:

    If you could find a way to work that volleyball scene into each recap, that would make my life.

    Great recap – thank you for saying what the rest of us are thinking. (Kacie B in scuba gear PLUS neon scrunchie? REALLY?)

  25. Rachel says:

    You have me literally pumping my fists over here! Well done. Very well done.

  26. renee says:

    Anne–

    Yes! A much more cheerful Steve McQueen. Good catch. And Lincee–I had totally forgotten about the Spiegal catalogue.

  27. Margaret says:

    Lesley, AshLee, and Lindsay all had roses. It is fun to say their three names rapidly, one after another.
    I agree that our boy Sean does look like a more cheerful Steve McQueen. He should be cheerful as he is ” digging so many of he girls.”
    I predict he will pick Dez. Did I miss something? A few bachelorettes who received roses have not even spoken to Sean on camera, right?

  28. Anne says:

    “OKAY CALM DOWN LADIES.” Heehee. That whole paragraph made me laugh.
    Also loved the two-for-one special on confetti being the new statement necklace. Brilliant.
    Love this site!!

  29. votemom says:

    our watch party appreciated OHCH in blue too!

  30. scraptordelight says:

    Fab recap LIncee!!! So much more to work with this week than last . Has Catherine said anything to him other than, “I’m vegan but I love the beef”? and Jackie? Bueller, Bueller, anyone…
    I love Sean’s backbone and just immediately calling Kacie on her ridiculous Cindy Brady-esque tattling. At least with Courtney she had a definitive reason for why she would want him to know what an evil troll she was, and it directly affected her. Up to that point Tierra had done nothing specific to either her or Joey. That was the most poorly executed battle plan since Custer at the Little Bighorn.

  31. R says:

    Totally agree with you Lincee on the wardrobe choices – brilliant! And with Sean in work out clothes, the combo between that and their cocktail dresses seemed like a bad match.com date. Maybe if some hint of the theme park had been shared she wouldn’t have chosen heels and the short dress showing her hoo-ha all over TV… Poor thing.

    On the Amanda note, glad she revived her personality this week even if her “light and airy” representation was kind of weird. I wonder if she ends up being Dez’ biggest competition.

    Agree with the other posts here – who are some of these girls again?? Some of them got no air time!

  32. Lisa Starnes says:

    THE POOR BOY CANNOT KISS!!!!! It’s painful to watch. Great recap Lincee, as always! I think you’re on to something about Lesley not maintaining eye contact…something’s up with that.

  33. Cindy says:

    Just ONCE I want the Bachelor to say ‘No, sorry, I just sat down with XYZ and I’d like to talk to her for a second, come back in 5 minutes’. I don’t know why they give in to them everytime. It’s YOUR decision. Grow a pair!!

  34. Sincethebeginning says:

    @Lisa: I agree. I was watching more closely this time and Sean cannot kiss.I noticed his tongue rubbing the in-between of AshLee’s top teeth and lip. It was odd. He also always seems to be on the top of the girl’s mouths versus locked together with them. Regardless, I LOVE him!!! The shots of the vintage dress-up, in that Sepia color really flattered him–not to mention everyone else. He is a doll!! I think he is by far that most gracious, and humorous bach they’ve ever had.

    I’m having a hard time feeling genuine-ness from any of the girls. It seems scripted. However, I accept the fact that I am watching the show for entertainment purposes only and refuse to get caught up in feeling bitter about how I’m being duped.

    Catherine to me is like a little doll. She is small enough to carry in your pocket and precious enough to steal your heart. Not sure why she’s not getting more air time. But my favorite is Joey. Hope she stays sane…

    Lincee you really know how to hit the nail on the head with thoughts about the show–going back to watch the video…

  35. texastea says:

    Loved the (I don’t wanna wait) part, and I totally forgot about the fact that Lesley hardly looked at Sean when talking to him until you mentioned it. I thought that was super weird!
    I am not sure I like any of these girls for Sean. No one has stood out yet. I do think Catherine is beautiful but she needs some air time before I make a decision.

  36. Anne says:

    I found this tidbit out on another blog and rewatched the rose scene to confirm – Des is not the last girl to get a rose. When Selma is called to get hers you can see that Des already has hers!

    It seemed weird and fake that they had her be one of the last ones, I guess to tie in with the waiting around on the couch!

  37. Leslie says:

    Dress choices are awful for dates. Confetti must have been on sale. Vb game was painful to watch. Lincee great recap!

  38. Krissy says:

    @Cindy – I totally agree. I was yelling at my TV for Sean to politely decline when another girl came to “steal” him away. Seriously! Would it be that difficult?

    Why are all the dresses so short? I’m pinching my legs together while watching.

    LOVED how Sean called out Kacie B. Could be my favorite Bachelor moment to date.

    Thanks Lincee for the ever wonderful recaps!

  39. Dana says:

    Does merely pressing your lips together really qualify as a kiss?? I know the “judge” said their lips had to be in constant contact but that didnt qualify as a kiss in my opinion!! Awkward!
    Also, Kacie B has clearly been ruined by the Bachelor franchise! All my positive feelings about her are now gone! Her exit on Ben’s season was bad but I could chalk it up to being caught off guard that she didnt get a rose. But there are really no excuses for her crazy behavior on this season. Get some therapy to find out who you really are, Kacie, and stay away from anything Bachelor related!

  40. Lindsay says:

    Sean bringing Sara her dog was his kind way of apologizing for not being able to bring her on the volleyball date because she only has one arm, if you ask me.

    Loved the recap and Dawson’s creek references and your description of Kacie’s wetsuit… spot on!

    I don’t think there is much chemistry with AshLee. I like her, but I’d be surprised if she stays for awhile.

    And Tierra announcing Selma was going on the date with AshLee was one of the 100 reasons why she is out for me in addition to her “fall for love”.

  41. Jenn says:

    - Loved the old-school Kool and the Gang reference…can’t go wrong with 80s R&B!
    - Also, if I were AshLee, I would have had a very hard time about Sean having spent so long with Tierra before what was supposed to be their date. Simply checking that Tierra was OK would have been fine, but it’s clear that he did more than that. He really went down a few notches for me.
    - The Sarah/dog thing seemed SO random…and what happened to the dog after that? Back home in the limo?
    - I really believe that Sean is liking more women than he expected to, and I find that believable…it’s like there are more and more front-runners for him, as he gets to know the girls better.
    - Some of the ladies falling in love after two weeks of barely spending any time with someone, let alone barely any time alone? Give me a break.

  42. Reno says:

    Celebrate good times. Come on.
    : )

  43. rachel says:

    As someone that plays beach volleyball competitively, I am sad that my sport was disgraced this way!!! Ugh!! I do like the bathing suits though – they are from smack which is a pretty good athletic swimwear company!

    The Dawson’s Creeks references are my favorite- hilarious!!! Kissing Dawson, then Pacey…oh, wait- Sean! So funny!

  44. Lacia C says:

    Great recap Lincee – I totally LOL’d at the Dawson Creek references (I don’t wanna wait…lol). Des completely looks like Katie Holmes. Loved Sean calling out crazy Kacie!! Buh-bye. See ya on Bachelor Pad.

    I agree, what is with all these short ass dresses? Yikes. During the epic long kiss, I was yelling at Sean —no, no, no, don’t lift up her dress!! She’ll flash Hollywood Blvd!!

  45. Lincee says:

    Thanks for the comments everyone! I love reading them. And your favorites. Keep ‘em coming!

  46. ksvb says:

    Confetti cannon, LOL!

    AshLee is sweet but a bit too old, I think.

    Celebrate good times. Come on. Second last song played at my wedding. :)

  47. Katy says:

    You make me laugh every week!

    Does anyone else think that Tierra is a dead ringer for Britney Spears? And she’s already got the crazy to go with it!

  48. Kthead says:

    noticed Kacie mention in her limo exit interview that love wasn’t going to be with Sean right now….. Maybe in a few months when they re-connect at some charity fundraiser after he’s broken up with his “future wife” Kacie actually does know how it works after all!

  49. Aden says:

    Does anyone else think Selma looks exactly like Ashley Greene??

  50. BeachGal says:

    Great Recap, Lincee!!

    The girls must never lift their arms above their heads. Or we are all gettin’ an eyeful! I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking they were mighty short! Sheesh.

    Joey is my fav so far.

  51. Kirsty says:

    Katy – totally agree that Tierra looks like Britney! And Aden, my friend Mel said she thought Selma looked like Ashley Greene too!

  52. Taylor says:

    Not sure if you noticed this, but if you watch the rose ceremony again and as Sean calls out Selmas name to offer the rose, you see Des in the background holding as rose… Problem is that Sean has not given her one yet… according to what the viewer is watching, she doesn’t receive her rose until the final rose (5 roses later). Something me and my friends found entertaining : )

  53. Susan says:

    Please, no more shots of Sean kissing. Maybe Arie could be the designated kisser this season. Sean is horrible at it…makes me cringe.

    And the wardrobe people are having fun advising on outfits for the dates…so obvious that they are dressed wrong.

    Did no one else think it was odd that AshLee and Sean didn’t pay more attention to the girls? I expected to see AshLee take one by the hand and while Sean was with the other. Instead it was like the girls were separate from S&A. Standing off saying how wonderful we are to do this but actually keeping them at a distance.

    Love your updates. They are always spot on.

  54. marybelle says:

    I’d like to clear up the mystery of Kacie B’s scrunchie. It’s a yoga hair-tie. They’re made of really stretchy elastic but don’t have a metal part and the ends tie so you can adjust them. They make them in a zillion colors to match your yoga attire.

    I have about 20 of them. And I would never ever ever dream of wearing them on a date. Let alone on national TV. But there’s a lot of things people on The Bachelor do that I wouldn’t dream of doing – starting with going on that show in the first place. But good lord do I love watching it. :-)

  55. Annie says:

    Thanks for the commentary, Lincee . . . as I’ve said before I’m only watching the show so I know what’s going on in your recap. I think AshLee’s face looks weird from different directions. Eyes too close together? High nose bridge? I don’t know. I like Lesley and Des. Didn’t notice the no eye contact w L, will have to go back and look.

  56. Molly D says:

    Thanks for another great recap, Lincee! I was also brought to tears during AshLee’s date. Because I was moved…not because I was gagging. For once a date with some substance!

  57. ILG says:

    Oh editing…I am very entertained by this show but they really make things look like they want to. I couldn’t believe he gave Dez the last rose but it makes more sense now to know that was just edited…thanks for the tip, y’all. I think he’s super into her…in fact, I think she’ll be there in the end. They’re just trying to make it look like drama that never existed.

    Lincee, I cracked up about “Joey” waiting on the couch (I don’t wanna wait…) Ha!! So appropriate!

  58. Lin says:

    I laughed out loud reading your recap! My favorites are:

    “Who is in charge of telling these girls what to wear on their dates?” Seriously!! I was wondering the same thing…and what’s with all the WAY, WAY too short dresses?

    “A hoop skirt at least will cover up the free peep show at the log ride. Geez.”

    “I blame Kacie B’s whack-a-do-ness on the wet suit dress with the DayGlo zipper and matching hair rubber band.” I nearly spit my coffee out! Hilarious!! I was thinking the same thing…calling it a scuba dress. lol

    Kacie was so different this season! She wasn’t the hopeful, baton twirler I remember. I think she knew from that first conversation with Sean that her days were numbered.

  59. Amanda says:

    Has anyone read Kacie’s exit interview? She says something to the effect that she was going to tell Sean she was going home because she wasn’t feelin’ it, but he let her go before she could do that. Kind of like when your boss fires you and you say, “But I’m quitting anyway, so you can’t fire me!”.
    Girl needs to stay off reality tv and find a nice guy. She was so much more even keeled on Ben’s season!

  60. Natty from Oz says:

    Lesley M is TOTALLY Mira Sorvino (Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion!!!)

    And wow…talk about some pelvic grinding during the kiss….lol but geez how you have tell you have chemistry with someone when your lips are just pressed together for 3 minutes..”hot and passionate” Seany Sean Sean *shakes head* I fear for your bedroom skills if THAT was hot and passionate..oh dear~!

  61. Bill says:

    Are guys allowed on this comments section? Anyway, I’ve read many blogs on the show, and this one is the only one that has noticed Leslie’s lack of eye contact. It has been driving me crazy to watch it. If I was the bachelor, I’d send her packing just based on that. Sean looks at her all the time, and she constantly turns away.. very annoying.

  62. kara k says:

    I had flashbacks to Ali’s season, when Ashley said of Sean, “My Heart is in his hands to hold and nurture and take care of…”. I couldn’t help thinking of Kasey’s guard and protect her heart!

  63. Breanne says:

    “Have I accidentally switched over to The Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover?” LOL!! Classic. Tierra reminds me of last season’s Courtney, only way less pseudo-mature, so hopefully there’s a better chance of Tierra NOT winning.

  64. toointothis says:

    As for the kiss…the 3 minute press-your-lips-together-and-move-your-hands-so-you-still-look-interested was so much the better for the lack of unnecessary tongue! I was glad for a break. Sean is hot, but his kissing skills are not. At least on TV. The girls in the moment seem to think it is OK.

    Naty from Oz, totally agree that Lesley M is Mira Sorvino from Romy and Michelle’s!!! She even talks in a dead-pan valley girl voice like her! Love it.


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