A conversation with my mother

This is my mom Linea.

To answer your question…yes. She always looks glamorous and no, she was not wearing a giant floppy beach hat for an impromptu Kentucky Derby party. This is typical accessorizing on a Tuesday afternoon for Linea.

She loves hats, sunglasses, earrings, scarves, belts, purses, necklaces and any kind of hair flair that exists. Let the record show that she was wearing feathers about a year before feathers became the thing. She’s not afraid of fashion. Need proof?

To answer your question…no. No, my parents do not live in the Arctic. I believe this particular morning, the East Texas temperature dropped to a frigid 68 degrees. Daddy and I were fishing and invited Mama to join us. This is how she showed up. Along with a Diet Coke, snacks and a blanket. The picture was taken after she ditched the sweater coat and what you can’t see are her brightly colored rain boots. That flannel shirt and Eskimo hat were soon discarded as well. We were left with Mama fishing in her grey Victoria’s Secret night gown that was purchased as a Christmas present for her when I was in college.

Mother is notorious for never throwing anything away. I can confirm that she still owns tube tops from the 70s and once was caught sun bathing in an old drill team leotard of mine because she couldn’t find her own swim suit. My sister Jamie and I have tried intervening on several occasions. Sometimes we are successful. Sometimes we are not. This is a recent conversation about a time when we were not.

{Phone ringing}

Mama: “Hello?”
Me: “Hi Mama! What are you doing?”

Mama (laughing): “Why? Did Jamie call you and tell you what happened?”
Me: “No. What happened?”

Mama: “Well…it all started when I couldn’t find my scrunchie…”
Me: “Wait…you’re what?”

Mama: “You know. My hair scrunchie. So, I was sitting at the table when I heard…”
Me: “I’m sorry Mother. I’m going to have to stop you. Just so I get this straight, you have lost a hair scrunchie? Like what we used to wear in our hair in the 80s? That kind of hair scrunchie?”

Mama: “Yes. So I was sitting at the table…”
Me: “Wait. I need to understand. Where did you get a scrunchie?”

Mama: “From one of the drawers in the upstairs bathroom.”
Me: “Okay. Assuming you found it in the plastic baggie where I kept my old sponge rollers and Bobcat cheerleading bows, it’s highly possible that this scrunchie is more than 20 years old.”

Mama: “You’re probably right.”
Me: “Mother? Why are you wearing a scrunchie? Please tell me it’s because you used it to pull back your hair when you take off your makeup at night.”

Mama: “I’ve been wearing the scrunchie for several months. In a low side pony tail. I don’t know what the big deal is? Let me finish telling my story!”
Me: “No. No, no, no, no, no. Woman…you can NOT wear a hair scrunchie in public again. Are you listening to me? STEP AWAY FROM THE HAIR SCRUNCHIE.”

Mama: “Well if it’s so bad, why did you still have it upstairs in the drawer? Why didn’t you just throw it away?”
Me: “Because I may need it during an 80s-themed party or if I ever dress up like that chick from Napoleon Dynamite, okay? Seriously Mama. There are so many cute ways to pull your hair up now. Don’t settle for the scrunchie.”

Mama (irritated): “SO THERE I WAS, sitting at the table, when I heard this weird coughing sound coming from the dog. I knew he was about to throw up, so I was trying to usher him out the door. And then I saw this horrible black thing coming out of his mouth! It was my scrunchie! Creede hacked up my scrunchie!”

I pulled my car off to the side of the road so I could properly laugh. For about 10 minutes. Mother was explaining in great detail the rest of the story, but I missed most of it so I could wipe the running mascara from my eyes.

Me: “Wow. Even the dog knew it was uncool for you to be wearing a hair scrunchie, so he took matters into his own hands. Did you wash the scrunchie so you could use it again?”
Mama: “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course I didn’t. I threw it away. Besides, I still have a gold lamé one that I wear when I’m feeling fancy.”

Comments

13 Comments on "A conversation with my mother"

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Ann
Ann

My mom still wears a scruncihe too. I love it. They just recycle the crap that we left behind!

Leslie From Austin
Leslie From Austin

Mama has quite a grip on that fish. It’s poor little eyes are bulging out and it looks like it’s about to poop all over the place. LOL.

AmyA

I started smiling at the word scrunchie. I laughed out loud by the words “gold lam`e”. LOVE it. I wish I were as bold as your mom. It has taken me 30 years to finally stop filtering my wardrobe choices through what other people might deem acceptable…but I’m still a very boring dresser.

Connie
Connie

Hilarious Lincee! Now, I know where you got your good looks…your mum is adorable. Long Live the scrunchie!

saggleo
saggleo

That is hilarious!!!

I agree w/ Leslie from Austin..looks like that fish is being choked of it’s last breath…lol too funny! I wouldn’t be able to hold one so I can’t tease your mom too hard.

Thanks for the funny story.

Natty from Oz
Natty from Oz

Your Mama is hilarious..and v. stylish…well except for the scrunchie lo

My Mum wears Crocs…gahhhhhhh and despite all the ridicule, mocking and plain hiding them…she buys new ones lol

Gindi

This is fabulous. My mother is quite the accessorizer herself and while she looks beautiful we’ve had numerous conversations about the fact that your earrings no longer have to match your top 🙂

Becky T.
Becky T.

PERFECT! lol

Sandy
Sandy

tell your dear mama that i too wear scrunchies…every day! maybe we could start a club =o)

Erin

OH MY HEAVENS! I am laughing so hard that I almost spit Cherrios on my computer screen. I can totally see you saying that, and rightfully so! hahahaha!

meagan
meagan

I read this to my mom over the phone (she refuses to TRY to get online at her house) and she was laughing so loudly that I had to pause a few times so she could hear me. After I was done, she said, “So, what was wrong with wearing the scrunchie?”

Shannon
Shannon

My mom sent me and Lauren the link with a note reminding us of how we made fun of her in New York last Christmas for a hat she thought was cute and stylish and we thought was embarrassing. This hat was about 47 different colors and made her look like one of the Whos down in Whoville. Moms hold grudges.

Chickpea
Chickpea

i’m a bit behind on my ihgb reading… this is classic lincee…. still giggling… and giggling as much at the comments too! 🙂 thanks for the laughs, as always, linc’! 🙂

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