A hot mess

I am at a Holiday Inn Express in Silt, Colorado for THE FIFTH NIGHT IN A ROW. But don’t feel sorry for me. This place has a BBQ joint. Holla!

Needless to say, I’ve read an entire book, two magazines and watched three movies. If you know me, you know I travel with my portable DVD player like any other toddler/child/pre-teen/teen and came prepared for the airplane and down time in the hotel. However, I didn’t expect to need so many movies. I have two left. That will be enough for the plane ride and airport layovers.

Therefore, I am left with live TV for tonight. And that means a Dancing with the Stars recap on our favorite dork Bachelor.

I’m serious when I say I think the year was 2003 when I last watched anything live on television with commercials that I could not fast forward through. Talk about PAINFUL. Are you kidding me? Jamie Lee Curtis is still trying to get the women of America to try the pooping yogurt? And when did Ugly Betty get canceled? Thank goodness my fake boyfriend Mike Rowe is trying to get people to trade in their cars for Chevrolet trucks. Hey. If Mike Rowe showed up on my door step to get me to give up the Camry? I’d trade my sister. Give my right arm. Whatever he wanted. Isn’t he dreamy?

I had to sit through a lot to get to Jake and Chelsie. There was Dmitry dancing with Kym in her underwear. Literally. Lots of boring numbers. Still love Evan though.

And then there was Jake.

I’ve been staring at my notes for about 10 minutes…eating a chopped beef sandwich for the third time in 48 hours. And I feel that my notes that I took while the dance was going on in front of me are way better than anything I could have made up.

Pretend it’s a live blog:

Jake has on a shirt that says, “Trust Your Pro.” In CURSIVE. Clearly, he means business.

Jake: “I can’t do it…”
Lincee: No joke.
Chelsie: “Drop down and give me 10. And keep your mouth shut and try not to look in the mirror why you do it. Conceited.”

Why is Chelsie’s hair half black? That’s the bigger question.

I have never heard this song in my entire life. Seems to be a trend tonight.

Jake is tripping over his feet. Again and again and again. He’s giving us his “whoa” face. Now he’s showing his gleaming teeth and making what appears to be “hah ya” sounds. Lord help us all.

I can’t watch. For the love that is sequins and fringe where is my fast forward button when I need it? Thank you Mr. Tivo for inventing Tivo. I’m about to die. This is so miserable. I can’t watch yet I can’t look away.

The just went up and down the stairs and then he “wow’d” for five minutes. And he tripped in front of the judges table.

Poor Chelsie.

The dance ended five beats after the song was over.

I think I shall title this post “A hot mess.”

What do you guys think?  Who will be in the bottom?  I’m thinking Niecy and Erin for some reason.  Were you happy with the dances or bored like I was tonight?


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