A letter from ABC to the The Bachelor Pad contestants

Dear Bachelor Pad Contestants:

The network is thrilled that you have decided to partake in the debauchery known as The Bachelor Pad.  You have been hand picked by Our Host Chris Harrison due to your extreme willingness to perpetuate drama, your seduction technique, the way you rock a set of abs and/or your general sense of douchbaggery.  Congratulations!

As you know, there is $250,000 up for grabs in this competition. You will need to outwit and outplay in order to outlast the others.   Of course, there will be challenges along the way.

You are only allowed to pack either swimwear or underwear for the duration of the show.  These rules are unflinchingly rigid.  You will also be required to make out with at least two different people each episode.  Gender is optional. Finally, females must cry at least once a day and men must pick verbal arguments with other males physically smaller in size or of questionable sexuality.

The plus side is that you all get to sleep together in bunk beds in the same room!  It’s just like Camp Longhorn, but different.  Not only does the alcohol run freely, but we’ve made sure the following list of necessities will be available to make your stay as enjoyable as possible:

– Hot wax and brand new packages of BIC razors
– Baby oil
– Chlorine tablets strong enough to kill anything germ/sperm-related in the hot tub
– Cases of Binaca
– Dippity Do hair gel and Chi hair dryer
– Waterproof mascara
– Vaseline and Saran Wrap
– U2’s Joshua Tree CD case to hold your Cher Greatest Hits album
– An economy-size box of RID

Let the fun and games BEGIN!

Best wishes,

ABC Producers

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83 Comments on "A letter from ABC to the The Bachelor Pad contestants"

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Sherri

BAHAHAHAHAHA! Let the games begin!

Jennifer H.
Jennifer H.

Any ideas on how the contestants win? Is it a Survivor type elimination? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some roses in play. Is that immunity? Am I looking for too much substance in this show?

Mallory
Mallory

Jennifer H.

There are competitions. The winner of the competition gets to take 3 people out on a date. One of those three people is given a rose by the winner. They are thus immune from elimination. At elimination, the guys vote out one girl, and the girls vote out one guy. That’s what I’ve come to understand about it.

saggleo
saggleo

Oh Lincee…I think you will have better material from this hotmess than the Bach/ette shows!!!! Can’t wait!

#3 – Mallory…interesting. it’s not even numbered though right? There’s only 19 people from what I’ve heard on E! news or whatever. Shall be interesting to see how this all plays out. Bring on the train wreck!!!

I saw the The Bachelor special that ran on E – Jillian says that the news of her and Ed splitting…aren’t true.

Jenny

[Groan]…I don’t know if I can stomach this show, but I will try to keep up for the sake of loving your blog! Looks like there might be a couple of contestants or couples worth tuning in for, but also lots of hiding behind the couch moments.

karenc
karenc

CAN. NOT. WAIT!

Thedoctor
Thedoctor

Is Jake supposed to be on BP?

LisaPizza
LisaPizza

I am not watching this show. Mostly due to having two teenage daughters who love the bachelor/bachelorette stuff, and I’m already exhausted from all the lectures I give them on how this is NOT reality and love does NOT happen like this, this is not the way you are to act( although Ali wasn’t near as bad as past bach girls and boys). I just don’t think they need to see this train wreck. BUT, I will be reading Lincee’s blog. Can’t pass that up!

valerie
valerie

this looks awful. Is it really just 19 people on a 4 week frat party? Yuck. Casual sex among drunk people trying to manipulate each other is really not funny. It is the very worst of everything from the bachelor/ette series.

Leslie from Austin
Leslie from Austin

Your right valerie, this is going to be the worst reality show ever.

And I am going to Watch. Every. Minute!!!

Heather

#7 Thedoctor, I heard Jake is going to be judging a contest in one of the episodes. He won’t be an actual contestant (thank goodness!). Yes, gonna be AWFUL!

CindyLou
CindyLou

OK…..call me crazy but I’m really looking forward to it. We know by now what to except from Bach/ette and this is completely unknown. The cast looks great…..the only person I wish was coming back that isn’t is Tina Fabulous. These people make me feel SOOOOOOOOO much better about my life!!!!!!! Bring on the drama, tears and outright craziness!

Autumn
Autumn

Chris Harrison chatted with Philly’s 106.1 Logan and gave us the exclusives on the “Bachelor Pad”! Check it OUT! http://tiny.cc/64305

woohoo
woohoo

this show represents everything wrong with this world

oh and saggleo, Ed said in his blog that jillian moved out

http://www.swiderski.info/

Reno
Reno

From Ed on his 7-23-10 post: “Regardless, yes Jillian has moved out. And yes, we have had a very tough couple months and we are handling it the best way we knew how. Though, rest assured, we still talk every day, we still don’t want to let go of each other, and we are still extremely close. No tabloids, rumors or ring will change that.”
I feel stupid but can someone explain “pineapple” to me??? Lincee brought it up on Facebook.

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