Aaaaaannnnddd WE ARE BACK! Big love goes out to all the Lincee stalkers and a special thanks to my webMAN!

Can I get a round of applause for the webMAN! Boy. The last three days have been CHALLENGING to say the least. I knew going in to Tuesday that I had a mid-morning meeting that was going to last until mid-afternoon. You can imagine my surprise when I sat back down at my desk to check the comments from the earlier post to find an error page.

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Excuse me?

Assuming it was my Internet connection, I try to check my email. And I see it. Messages from Lunar Pages—my web hosting server. The first one talks about how I’ve about reached capacity and I need to do something about it. The next one says that they are moving my website to an emergency server and I need to call them immediately.

You can imagine where my mind went:

1. Great. Some rabid fan over at Lunar Pages is ticked off that Jason was given the shaft. They are screwing me over and shutting down my site so I can’t post. To show solidarity, they are not giving me back my site until DDAHnna breaks up with Jesse. I guess I’ll have to wait two weeks. Oh yeah. I went there.

2. Fantastic. One of the scorned bachelors/bachelorettes of episodes past is working over at Lunar Pages and has decided to get me back for making fun of his/her unfortunate choice of clothing, panache for baby talk or lack of making out skills. The site will be held ransom until I agree to take back everything negative I ever said. Like that’s going to happen.

3. It’s all been a bad dream. I’m about to wake up and view a different season finale without the lame 10 minutes of Jeremy “returning to the Grand Bahamas” to ask DDAHnna to reconsider.

4. I’m being punked by Our Host Chris Harrison.

What’s a blogger to do? Call your webMAN of course! Which I did. And he was livid. Called Lunar Pages a few choice adult names and then decided we are NO LONGER giving them our business. Then he cursed them some more, said something about someone being on crack and diligently worked for 48 hours straight to resolve the problem. He is indeed the MAN.

To make a very long and boring story short…my site crashed due to excess traffic.

Nice!

But annoying.

WebMAN’s first order of business was to post something to those of you who COULD actually see my site. Meanwhile, I sent out an email to friends and family, telling them that the website was down. Pretty much all responded with a phone call, text or email resembling some version of the following:

Person: “That sucks.”
Lincee: “No joke! Of all days for the site to go down.”

Silence.

Person: “It’s pretty cool though.”
Lincee: “I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but HECK YES!”

Person: “Congratulations on the crash!”
Lincee: “You are so sweet! Thank you!”

I’ve been spending the rest of my time responding back to those of you who…well…scare me in your quest to find ways to communicate with me. Between Google searches and Facebook stalking, I’ve been a busy gal. Kudos to all of you who successfully tracked me down and thanks for the support. Sure I had to talk some of you down off the ledge because you assumed I had been hijacked, but it was worth it. Here’s hoping the folks who think I didn’t pay my bill on time come back with open arms!

Seriously though…it’s been a major crisis situation for webMAN and I can’t thank him enough for handling this in such a rapid pace. I’ve been told it could be weeks before getting back up. He made miracles happen and I am truly thankful.

[slow clap] webman, webMAN, WEBMAN!!!

And I am blessed that so many people think I am interesting enough to log on to the website, henceforth slapping Lunar Pages and her tiny server square on the RAM. Or is it ROM? Whatever. I tried to tell the tech guy that Bachelor fans are vicious, but he didn’t believe me. TAKE THAT!

I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again. Thanks for the support. I am blessed. You guys rock.

But back to business…

CAN I GET A VIRTUAL DAP FROM TEAM JESSE?!? Rad, awesome, amazing out-of-sight, most dramatic rose ceremony of all time! His win makes me want to hop on his back whilst he snow boards down a mountain screaming, “WHOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!”

However.

Raise your hand if you were as bored as I was the first 20 minutes of the show? ABC chose to stretch an episode that should have been one hour (including the After the Final Rose) into three hours that featured a random smorgasbord of everything and anything that DDAHnna ever thought about doing or saying. I’m surprised Trish and Ryan didn’t make an appearance with baby Max to help her in deciding between the single dad and the mountain man.

It was so mindless. Perhaps the intern had to take over directing duties?

Shot one: DDAHnna standing outside near the balcony.
Shot two: Jesse standing outside near the balcony.
Shot three: Jason standing outside near the balcony.

Shot four: Recap of DDAHnna being jilted at the Home Depot Proposal Pedestal with Evil Brad Womack.
Shot five: Recap of every little detail we’ve experienced with Jesse.
Shot six: Recap of every little detail we’ve experienced with Jason.

Shot seven: Jesse standing shirtless in front of a mirror looking forlorn.
Shot eight: Jason standing shirtless in front of a mirror holding a picture of Ty.

Shot nine: Who knows? I was day dreaming about Mamma Mia coming out in theaters next week and wondering if I’m going to miss the beginning due to Batman crowds. I decide to get to the theater 30 minutes early, taking in to consideration how much time I will need to stop at a convenience store to sneak in Pringles and Dr Pepper. I’m sure you do not care to read about my movie snacking habits but it is WAY MORE INTERESTING than what is playing on the TV right now.

Thank goodness I was watching with my friends Karen and Ryan. Please let the record show the Ryan was the one to invite me over for finale festivities. I’m just saying.

It wasn’t until we get to Newnan, Georgia that things begin to pick up. FINALLY!

DD loves her family. I mean she really, really loves her family. Today, she is excited to introduce her family that she loves to Jason and Jesse. They will be meeting her Dad, her sister Chrissy and her brother Thomas. It is very important that her family accepts her future husband, but she is nervous because the trio might be too hard on the boys.

You see, I don’t know if you know this or not, but DDAHnna was jilted at the Home Depot Proposal Pedestal last season by Evil Brad Womack. Her family, that she loves, welcomed him with open arms. YaYa even began stitching a Christmas stocking with Santa holding a red rose the night she met Evil Brad. They were all convinced he loved her and that they would be married forever.

And then he dumped her. You may have heard once or three hundred times, but the Pappas’ are NOT playing around. The boy will be grilled and grilled hard!

DDAHnna tries to prepare the family that she loves before each guy arrives.

DD: “I just want you guys to know that I was crushed by Evil Brad and will not, I repeat NOT let that happen to me again. I love you guys and know that you love me and will NOT let me pick someone who is not compatible. With that said, I need you all to know that I love you, but it’s going to be hard. These guys are two totally different people.”

Mr. Pappas: “I love you DDAHnna. Now tell me…how are these two boys different?”

DD: “Well—Jason is sweet and mature and has a JV body. I mean…compared to other guys on the show. Take Jeremy for instance. He had abs from heaven. I mean literally. An angel carved them. And Graham. Where do I begin? He makes my teeth sweat. Those eyes. That facial scruff. That brooding smile. INTERN! Run and fetch my computer so I can lust after modeling pictures on his website. He’s just delicious. If I close my eyes and think really hard, I can imagine him…”

Brother Thomas: “So we are meeting JV Jason and First String Jeremy? Or Soul Mate Graham? I’m confused but still love you.”

DD [opening her eyes]: “Oh. Sorry. You are meeting JV Jason. I mean Jason. He’s sweet and kind and really, really wants to get married. And that’s the first qualification on my list. Right under ‘Is willing to move on or near the same street my Daddy lives on.’ And you know how I want three babies by 30? He’s already got a kid, so I’m a third of the way there!”

Sister Chrissy: “He wants to get married? He sounds fabulous! Now…I love you…so don’t get mad. If Jeremy and Graham were not in the final two, who is the last guy we will be meeting?”

DD: “His name is Jesse and he is a professional snow boarder. He’s totally NOT my type and Daddy is going to hate the fact that he has long hair.”

Their group hug is interrupted by the door bell.

JASON MEETS the PAPPAS FAMILY
Jason arrives first with a basket of alcohol and flowers. My kind of gift! Mr. Pappas sits him down on the sofa and begins to give him the third degree.

Mr. Pappas: “Jason, I’m sure you heard what happened to DDAHnna before. Our threat to sue ABC did not fall on deaf ears and because I love my little girl, I was able to get her on as the next Bachelorette. I am protective. I am currently filtering large sewer rats into Evil Brad Womack’s Sixth Street drinking establishment as we speak. Now…what’s it going to take for me to NOT do that to you?”

Jason looks wide-eyed, gulps a few times and begins telling the loving family that he has two brothers and was married for several years until his wife left him. He explains that he has a three-year-old son who is the love of his life and is one of the TWO best things he has going for him.

Everyone cries except the brother who claims he has some saw dust in his eye.

After dinner, Chrissy grabs Jason and drags him to the living room for some good old fashion interrogation.

Chrissy: “Jason, there are two things I want to get out on the table. One…I love my sister and my family. And two…I have to wonder if her heart is gonna get broke again. Because when Evil Brad took her up to that Proposal Altar sponsored by Home Depot and then let her walk out of his life, her heart became broke. My heart became broke because I love my sister. My Daddy’s heart was broke. My brother’s heart was broke. Is her heart going to get broke again? Is it?”

Meanwhile, Mr. Pappas asks DDAHnna what she likes most about Jason.

“He totally wants to be married and is super in to me. He bounces around like a puppy if I am near him. What gives him that WOW factor you ask? That’s easy. He’s a great Dad.”

Back to Chrissy and her interrogation.

Chrissy: “I mean really. I don’t want her heart broke.”
Jason: “I guarantee her heart will not be broken. Broken is a bad thing. No one wants a broken heart. I agree. DD is all I’ve ever wanted in a woman.”

Chrissy: “Have you ever felt this way about someone?”
Jason: “Never.”
Lincee: Uhm…hasn’t he been married before?

Chrissy: “Not even your first wife?”
Lincee: “BOO-YAH! BUSTED!”
Jason: “Never like this.”
Chrissy: “I think I might cry!”

Cut to Jason sitting with Mr. Pappas, asking for his permission to marry his daughter, should the occasion arise. Mr. Pappas is impressed because no one (read: EVIL BRAD) had ever asked him that before. He gives Jason his blessing.

They hug it out and Jason leaves after groping DDAHnna in front of her Dad. Mr. Pappas begins mentally compiling a wedding list and phones his real estate agent, encouraging her to begin looking for homes within a five-mile radius.

DD slides into her Georgia accent and tells the camera that her family loved Jason.

JESSE MEETS the PAPPAS FAMILY
ABC’s tricky editing leads us to believe that Jesse date is a complete disaster. From the beginning, Brother Thomas talks about how nervous Jesse acted.

“The minute Jesse walked through the door, I thought he was going to hurl on the rug. I shook his hand and his palms were sweaty. Then he commented on how he was nervous and pointed out to everyone in the room that he had sweaty hands. Who does that? Certainly not Jason. Who, by the way, has quickly moved from JV to Varsity in my eyes. I hope he asks me to be his best man. Unless, of course, DD wants me to stand on her side. It wouldn’t surprise me. Our family is tight. And I love them dearly. It’s not weird at all. Where was I? Oh yeah. Jesse is gross.”

The group moves to the den where Mr. Pappas half-heartedly asks Jesse some very basic questions. He’s so over this long-haired hippie he can’t even stand it!

Mr. Pappas: “I’d like to get to know you better. Other than having extremely greasy hair, all I know is that you…let me think…snow board is it?”
Jesse: “Yes.”

[Awkward silence. Stares. Crickets chirping.]

Mr. Pappas: “Okay. Tell me about that.”
Jesse: “It’s fun. It’s, like, doing what I love.”
Lincee: Oh Jesse. C’mon. Use your words. You can do it. Elaborate.

Mr. Pappas: “When you are as old as I am and you can’t snow board any longer, what will you do with your life young man? Because I have an account executive position with Jason’s name ALL OVER IT. No mountains to flit about in Georgia boy. What will you do? How will you support my baby?”

I’m quite sure Jesse had a very valid answer, but ABC chose to edit it and show him sitting there like an idiot bump on a log.

Later on, Chrissy tells DD that she is scared for her well being.

“D…please do NOT marry this guy that our family does not support. Jesse is certainly not ready to settle down. And will he give you a ring by Spring? Who knows?!? Oh, and PS: Daddy hates his guts. And his hair.”

At dinner, Mr. Pappas asks Jesse if he has been in a serious relationship.

Jesse: “Yeah…I lived with a girl for two years. We grew apart. It didn’t work out.”

Dude. All sorts of things wrong with that sentence…when talking to your potential future wife’s DAD! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME JESSE!

Poor Mr. Pappas can’t stand this riffraff another minute and gets up to go sit in his Lay-Z-Boy in the front room. He wonders if this kid slipped DD a roofie in her umbrella drink while in the Grand Bahamas, because that is the only explanation for her behavior.

Jesse stumbles in to the front room and sits across from Mr. Pappas. He waits for him to speak. After lots of deep breathes and a lethal stare, he begins:

“Our family is very important. DDAHnna was hurt by Evil Brad Womack. I will not let that happen again. If she is crazy enough to pick you, I would insist you make frequent visits to Atlanta. If you take my daughter away from me and never visit, I have a nephew who is 6’ 5” and 300 pounds who will come and hunt you down and hurt you. Have I made myself perfectly clear?”

Jesse shakes his head yes, gives Mr. Pappas a dap (which was denied) and heads to the car. DD tells the camera that it was a bit harder for her family to warm up to Jesse. Jesse confesses that he blew it. Thomas says that Jesse does not fit their family mold.

And this is when my friend Karen said that he was probably going to win because ABC is editing these dates to look like Jesse is going down due to lack of Pappas support.

Back inside, DDAHnna attempts to explain how she can be “in love” with two totally different people. Chrissy gets a death glare from her father and jumps in:

Chrissy: “I felt there was more heart from Jason than from Jesse.”
Thomas: “Did Jesse ask for permission like Jason did?”
Mr. Pappas: “Nope.”

He waits for the reality to sink in before he continues.

“That is the way he is. That’s how it’s going to be. A lifetime of disrespect. Jason knows what he wants whereas Jesse does not. There is no way those two guys are in the same place that you are DD. Jason wants to be married. He asked me. Sure he has a kid in Seattle and I’d be willing to bet he’s not moving, but that’s neither here nor there. Jesse is the one that has to be around snow. And doesn’t know where he’s going to be in five years. And has long stringy hair. How is this even a contest?”

DD listens to the family and decides she will no more once her grandparents meet the boys.

DOUBLE DATING WITH the PAPPAS FAMILY
Jesse arrives back at the Pappas household and is immediately introduced to DD’s grandparents Yaya and Papoo. Uncle Pluto and Aunt Daisy are there too. And the sister-in-law. For the millionth time, DD references her “Big Fat Greek Family.”

So help me if you say opah…

D is concerned that Jesse was so nervous yesterday and hopes that he will show more of his fun side this go around. YaYa has just started telling him how the Pappas family migrated from Greece to the US when the doorbell rings.

Jesse: “Why do I have a feeling this is one of your surprises?”

And there’s Jason. Bouncing outside the front door. Big goofy smile.

Cut to DD telling the camera that BOTH boys will be joining her Big Fat Greek Family BBQ.

Poor Jess is concerned. He hates being compared to Jason the Stud because he looks Greek and acts all suave. He doesn’t have a shot when being compared side-by-side.

Jason is ticked because he doesn’t like sharing.

Mr. Pappas decides to make this as awkward as possible, and puts D on the couch between both Jason and Jesse. It’s a DD sandwich if you will. And she holds both of their hands. Like any of us would do that? I’m sorry but this is just uncomfortable. If I wanted to watch people squirm and be embarrassed from an extremely self-conscious moment, I would flip on over to episodes of WIPEOUT which are still in my DVR line-up because I can’t muster up the courage to watch one of them, even though I know I will LOVE yet HATE the experience.

I’m just saying.

In an obvious attempt to showcase Jesse’s inability to properly love his daughter, Mr. Pappas asks Jesse to name all the good qualities about DD.

Jesse: “I really care so much about your daughter. This has been tough, but she is worth it. I can’t wait to spend my life with her.”
Lincee: Touché! Take that Mr. Pappas!
Jason: “I’m not nearly as ‘rad’ as Jesse, but I am really in love with DDAHnna.”

Oh great. He’s not only throwing Jess under the bus by making fun of his surfer dude lingo, but he’s playing his “love” yard in front of YaYa and Papoo. That’s low.

Did anyone else notice the abundance of crotch shots as ABC tried to get tight angles of the hand holding? Was it just me?

In a last ditch effort before dinner, Mr. Pappas asks DDAHnna, “Who’s it going to be Pumpkin?”

Jason lamely raises his hand and everyone laughs. Except Jesse.

Aunt Daisy serves dinner outside. Jason escorts DDAHnna to the end of the table and helps her put her Greek food down. He sits on one side and Mr. Pappas knocks over the sister-in-law and Papoo so he can claim DD’s other side. Jesse has officially been boxed out.

Not one to go down without a fight, Jesse decides to sit with YaYa and butter her up. He teaches her to dap. And blow it up afterwards.

In a strategic move, Jason arranges for Jesse to teach Uncle Pluto and Aunt Daisy how to dap while he goes inside to win over YaYa and Papoo.

YaYa: “What are your intentions?”
Jason: “She’s everything. I want to get married and have half Greek babies.”
YaYa: “I feel that you are the one for her.”
Papoo: “Well…it is her decision. She has to feel it in her heart.”

GO PAPOO! HE TOTALLY CALLED IT!

The poignant sister-in-law decides to have some one-on-one time with Jesse. Not being a “true” Pappas, Mr. Pappas sends Chrissy with her so she can report back on the damage that was done.

Jesse: “I am so in to DDAHnna, it hurts. I just want to be with her.”
Lincee: Is that a Sleeping Beauty plate on the table?
Sister-in-law: “That’s GREAT! Just make sure to be who you are. Rock it out! I’ve been in this boring family for five years and really, really need someone cool to hang out with at Thanksgiving. What songs do you have on your iPod? Oh and dude…make sure to go ask Mr. Pappas permission to marry D. Trust me. Just do it.”

Jesse finds Mr. Pappas in his Lay-Z-Boy again and shares with him that he is in love with his daughter. If he is chosen, he would like permission to propose.

Mr. Pappas just sits there.

Jesse says again, “Your blessing and permission would mean the world to me.”

Mr. Pappas: “Are you ready?”

Jesse tells the story of how his Dad told him he would be ready. He is emotional and very moved as he remembers that special time.

Mr. Pappas has a seizure, because I KNOW he wasn’t rolling his eyes at Jesse and gives him a reluctant stamp of approval. He then reminds Jesse that DD is special to him and he won’t have any long hair in the family.

They head back outside where Aunt Daisy is passing out Oúzo shots to anything that stands still. Everyone shoots, Jesse and Jason both gag and then share a bottled water to get the nasty taste out of their mouth. (Boy do I know what that is like.) They both kiss YaYa on the cheek, Jesse gives daps all around and Jason gets the approval nod and wink from Mr. Pappas.

Then, like a true crazy person, DD holds both of the boy’s hands and escorts them to their cars. Jesse forces Jason to say goodbye first. He pushes his long hair into his ears and starts humming something off of the Guns-N-Roses Appetite for Destruction album as loud as he can. The ABC intern taps him when Jason is done and then he makes out with DDAHnna.

Meanwhile, the Big Fat Greek Pappas Family is trying to make DD realize that Jason is the obvious choice and this is a no-brainer.

Chrissy: “Jason has been through so much more relationship-wise. Jess doesn’t know if he is ready for that. You are ready to settle down and have kids…not just to have fun.”
DDAHnna: “Jesse is romantic, but Jason is classic.”
Mr. Pappas: “Classic is always better. Remember the Coke debacle in the 80s? New is never good.”

Sister-in-Law: “Do you see one being father of future children more than the other?”
Chrissy: “Absolutely. Jason for sure.”
Mr. Pappas: “I agree.”
SIL: “I wasn’t asking you. I was asking DDAHnna.”

Chrissy: “She’s clearly not as comfortable with Jesse. He is 26 and hasn’t experienced a true relationship. He doesn’t know about the rest of his life.”
SIL: “I’m just going to say this. You are not where Jason is. You need a free spirit. Some who, I don’t know, snow boards is a better fit. Jess is not trying to be anyone else but himself. If you picked Jason, you’d fast forward your life five years.”

We may never see the sister-in-law again.

GRAND BAHAMAS
Clearly ABC looked ahead from last week and knew they would be hurting for fillers during this three hour extravaganza. What better to kill time than to force a meeting between Jeremy and DDAHnna in the Grand Bahamas?

Now why they tried to spin it that Jeremy “came back” is beyond me. It doesn’t make sense and I, for one, am appalled that ABC would think I was dumb enough to buy that this was the second Grand Bahama trip. He had on the same clothes for crying out loud!

Whatever. Jeremy says that he has to tell DD what is on his mind. And because she was left at the Home Depot Proposal Pedestal by the EVIL BRAD last year, she knows what it feels like to experience such heart ache and pain.

Jeremy: “I really feel like you are making a big mistake. You put yourself out there and I didn’t do the same. I’m terrified of getting hurt and that’s why I’m so guarded.”

There is a lot of snot and Kleenex on DDAHnna’s end. She responds:

“I know what it’s like. I made a list of things that I wanted in a guy and you had all those things. It’s just not in my heart. I feel for two other people more than you.”

Jeremy: “Well that hurts. After everything you’ve said, I’m not worth keeping around?”

Lincee: Dude. Back away. She rejected you. You had your moment at the tree. It’s over. Please stop embarrassing yourself.

DD: “I feel like at this moment, as much as we have shared, and this big bond that we have, if we were meant to be, my feelings would be stronger. No matter how much it breaks my heart. Or as my sister would say, how much my heart is broke right now.”

She escorts Jeremy out of her room and he begins his long lonely walk down the cobblestone path. But before he reaches his rejection car, he decides to crouch down because the devastation has overwhelmed him.

The intern and the director dap each other, and blow it up, because they have reached melt down status. WITHOUT THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST! Jeremy gets up. It takes a little alcohol and a promise to CONSIDER HIM as a candidate for the next Bachelor before he agrees to sit on a stone wall and look up somberly at the moon. SCORE!

JESSE ONE-ON-ONE
Jesse is a bit bummed because this could potentially be his last date with DD. She takes him to their own private island to hang out. He decides it’s now or never to step up to the plate and reveal his true feelings.

The best way to do that is through Creative Memories scrapbooking. Everyone knows this. He tells DD that he has a surprise and presents her with a photo album of all their dates. So sweet of the ABC intern to create this on Jesse’s behalf. I’m pretty sure some free snow boarding lessons and keg of beer was part of the bartering process. Not sure why he read every page to her like she was in first grade, but he did.

Jesse: “I want to settle down and spend my life with you. I love you. I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”

AWWWWWW!!!!

JASON ONE-ON-ONE
Just when you think Jesse might have a shot, DD tells the camera that she is falling in love with Jason. What the crap? I don’t’ know if it was before or after their shark adventure, but I’m confused.

DD tells Jason that they are going scuba diving. When he gets all geared up and kisses her like a big fat dork with the scuba mask on, she tells him that they are swimming with sharks instead. She holds him in a death grip under water. And by the way…there was no “swimming” with the sharks. There was a bunch of standing like a statue and praying that a shark doesn’t eat you. But no swimming. I’m just saying.

Oh joy! Jason has a surprise too! What is it? A mix tape? Another “through the years…(days)” photo album? A balloon bouquet? A coupon for some Jason lovin?

Heck no. He is above such things. Dude gives her a homemade board game that recollects their adventure together. Wow! Lots of reminiscing and opportunities for Jason to really let DDAHnna know that he digs her chili.

Jason: “You are perfect for me. I love you. No doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

ROSE CEREMONY
Uh oh. DD is connected to both boys. As she flips through her photo album and board game playing cards, she is confused. Brad broke her heart. Now she has to break someone’s heart too. Weird how that works out.

She journals in her bikini and takes a refreshing walk on the beach to clear her head before straight ironing her hair. By the time she paints her toe nails, she has made the decision.

Across town, the boys are picking out engagement rings. Jason saunters in to the store, sizes up the rings, picks the fanciest one and then throws a coin in a fountain for good luck as he skips back to his waiting black SUV. Jesse, on the other hand, has the ABC intern hold his hair back while he pukes in bushes by that very same fountain.

I’m going to go ahead and predict that Jesse is not ready to be married.

But maybe I’m wrong. After pausing the TV in order to read Jesse’s note he was writing DDAHnna later in his room, I was able to make out the words cheesecake and soul mate. Does it really matter that he does not know the difference between your and you’re? I think not. Rhyming cheesecake and soul mate is LOVE people. True kowabunga love.

Then we have a video montage of both boys crying about the possibility that they may not be chosen. Jason is cryng in the limo. Jesse is crying in the prep room.

MAKEUP! CAN WE GET MAKEUP OVER HERE!

The limo pulls up to the Grand Bahaman resort seaside proposal platform and we are all waiting on bated breath to see who gets out first.

And it’s Jason. With his orange tie that supposed to symbolize a Georgia peach. Oh Mr. Pappas would be so proud!

He starts walking up to DD and she greets him with a big smile. Before she can even say, “we need to talk,” my boy gets down on one knee and starts his proposal speech.

DD: “I CAN’T!”

Poor, poor Jason. He stands back up and listens to a rambling crazy woman talk about how great he is and how perfect he is…but that she’s in love with someone else. She then confuses him more by saying that she really did fall in love with him. Huh.

Then D cries. A lot.

MAKEUP! CAN WE GET SOME MAKEUP OVER HERE?

Jason, who is experiencing anaphylactic shock, is escorted back to the denial limo by the intern.

After a quick refresher of her mascara and some puffs of powder, DD is excited to meet her true love and the man of her dreams. She reminds the viewing audience that she NEVER thought it would end up this way because she and Jesse are totally wrong for each other and she typically is not attracted to people like him.

Jesse leaves Our Host Chris Harrison in a panic as he runs to greet DD in his arms. Dude knows that he is the winner. He gets down on one knee and asks DD Marie Pappas to spend forever with him. And she says YES!

A quick video montage plays during the last ten minutes as we walk down memory lane…again…to relive this love story.

We are left with a classic one-liner that will go down in Bachelor history:

“I can not believe I’m going to marry the guy with the pink shoelaces!”

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE BETACAP:

Video recapping, Jason’s heart breaking, apologizing, questioning, answering, DD ugly crying, self proclaiming, Brad thanking, Graham bashing, Matty and Shayne pimping, rumor denying, bad driving, traveling, Jesse couch jumping, kissing, hair cutting, more kissing, Mr. Pappas disapproving, more kissing, hand sweating, sister-in-law dapping, wedding date announcing, Greece honeymooning and more kissing.

And there you have it folks! I’m sort of sad that it’s over. Thanks so much for hanging in there with me as we battle through these website issues. I hope you check back often for updates and ramblings of happenings in my life. I’ll attempt to keep updated on all things Bachelor.

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On an exciting note, I am slowly but surely finding all of the recaps from the days I used to old school email. My friend Ashley (guy) had FIVE of them that he forwarded to me. That’s definitely going to be a new section of the site in the near future!

Can. Not. Wait.

Until next season…

I’m all about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

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MarriedWithEyes
MarriedWithEyes

WTG webMAN!!!! You are the man that brings us our Lincee fix! Is it wrong that I printed 1st then responded just in case it went back down…..

You really need an Emergency Response System. I’m just saying. Now I must read.

addy

And you’re back! Woo! LOVE the recap – I didn’t really like Jesse or Jason for DD. She seemed way too shallow for either, but I guess it had to be Jesse. I still think he’s almost too good for her! But anyway – how freaked out did he look when they “announced” the wedding date? And was anyone else expecting her to announce a pregnancy?

Lauren

Well, I really must say that while I was super upset about not being able to get my Lincee fix, while this site was down, my blog got more traffic than it’s EVER seen all because of the other crazed Lincee fans googling for her blog. I’ve got a link on my page, and I’ve mentioned it’s one of my favorite things on the web, and presto…google tricked bunches of people into hitting my page! Hopefully, some will come back and read sometime now that this site is back up! 🙂 Great recap as always!!! Worth the wait! 🙂

addy

Lauren – Mine got that too! I have an ode to ihategreenbeans.com on mine and got crazy traffic. But I would’ve given it all back for Lincee to not have to deal with that crap! Bitches, man.

Alex
Alex

Well now I can sleep. I’ve been pacing for the last 3 days wondering what happened and like you said, of all days for it to crash – congrats on that! I feel like ABC is getting too predictable. It was so obvious Jesse was going to get the final rose. They made his date and him out to be awful and Jason was just so …. skippy! I’m happy for Desse – hope it lasts. I’m heading up to Breckenridge this fall and hope I get to see the happy couple around town (he’s not leaving Colorado). And as far as Matt and Shayne …. my guess is they’re done by Labor Day. Lincee, looking forward to your random blogs (personally my favorites). Let us know when the book tour is – don’t want to miss the chance to meet you up close and personal. You really need to write a sitcom … and star in it! Thanks for another great season!

Jeanne
Jeanne

so happy ur finally “home”. I have been jonesin’ for u girl!

momof4byz
momof4byz

Oh goodness, I sit here relieved to finally have gotten to read this blog at 1:10am on Friday ATF rose. Thanks for the recap Lincee! You are so funny! I especially cracked up with the thought of people hunting you down. I have to admit I was nearly there. I thought you may not know but thank goodness you and Webman were on top of things!

My thought on the show, disappointed. I don’t really know who I am disappointed with the editors or D. Why did they lead us all to believe that she would pick Jason? It doesn’t make me want to tune in for more but rather makes me frustrated. I thought Jesse was/is a nice guy but honestly didn’t think he stood a snowballs chance (pun intended). I have watched the show forever and never has it been this misleading. I think perhaps with the way it was so obvious it was Shayne on the Bachelor they felt the need to mislead. It was just wrong on so many levels. Another thing I noticed that I haven’t seen anyone comment on is this. They, TBTB (as far as I can remember) have never had both guys come to the meet the Bachelorette family at the same time. Does anyone besides me think that D requested this so that Jesse could make up for the bad impression he left the first time? Perhaps, they didn’t show Jesse give a good answer because he didn’t really have one?! I do think that Jason and Ty are better off and as my husband says they will have women lined up waiting to be their one and only. However, I don’t understand why she didn’t let him go sooner. For example, wouldn’t it have been easier to keep somwone like Twilley who to most was obviously not marriage material. I just didn’t see any connection between her and Jesse and even though others keep saying they did I still don’t. I just wish the producers could have put at least a little of it in. Maybe they put what they could find because there just wasn’t any. One last thing, in any other time I would say that they wouldn’t last. However, I believe that D is stubborn enough to make it just out of pure spite that people are saying that it won’t!
Thanks again Lincee, for the hilarious blog and the opportunity to vent! I look forward to reading what everyone else thinks!

Big Mama

Thank you webMan for helping Lincee get back on the internet. I am so grateful that I might make you a “Book of Thoughts” just like Jesse made for Dee.

Great recap. Good call on the hurling not boding well for marital readiness.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Did you notice in Jesse’s note that he used your instead of you’re?? UGH!

sleep deprived mom
sleep deprived mom

Lincee, that was worth the wait. A great recap to finish off one of my favorite seasons yet. Webman, thanks for your hard work!

Domestic Chicky

Webman rocks!
Another great recap Lincee- you might do us all a favor and give us a warning not to eat or drink whilst (yeah, I said whilst) reading recaps – “digs her chili” had me spitting water all over my screen! 😉

…you know you MUST do Big Brother now, right?

Carrie
Carrie

Boy! I was so sad as I keep checking my link to your blog and got error messages. My first thought was that your site was overloaded, because there has been an increasing interest each season. I remember just a few season ago when you had about 75-100 comments posted, now it is up to 300! I am so pleased you are back online and thanks to your webmaster. You are “amazing” (to quote our many bachelors and bachelorettes).

Back to the final two. . .I know most people were rooting for Jason (according to the comments and voting), but I voted for Jesse and I am pleased he won. I knew it would be him once he started referring to her as “D”. He had a cute little nickname for her just like Matty did for Shayne. There is something very endearing about a guy doing that. And “D” seemed super excited and almost joyful during ATFR. She had the glow of love. I wish them all the best.

Can’t wait to see who the next bachelor is. If they don’t pick Jason, he is definitely gonna get some in his home town for sure. Better get Ty a good baby sitter, because he will be out a lot.

local motion
local motion

OMG!!! So glad you are back up, Lincee!! Watched the final show, flew across the country the following day only to arrive home and see there was NOTHING on the website except “error”!!!! Hooray for the WebGUY!!! Can I just say that this season has been Pandora’s box for recap material……you rock, Lincee!! Possible start date for the next season?

Jill
Jill

so glad you’re back.

So did you notice that the flowers changed in the background during the rose ceremony? White, then pink, then white again. Watch it again and let us know what you think.

I’ve heard someone say there’s a rumor she picked Jason, then changed her mind and they had to reshoot. I doubt that.

But still, the flowers are bugging me. Get some inside scoop. 🙂

And you will love Wipeout. Give it a chance. And how about “I Survived A Japanese Gameshow”??

I still can’t believe your web host people didn’t want you to have good traffic. And that they couldn’t give you a little warning. Idiots.

Bailey
Bailey

Yea, you’re back!! Hilarious, awesome recap. I didn’t watch the show until Wednesday night b/c I was in Mexico and apparently you cannot watch shows online outside of the US (I found this out after purchasing the $15 a day wireless internet on Tuesday morning). So after watching the finale on my DVR last night, I got online to read the recap and it was gone!! I nearly had a heart attack. It was worth the wait though.

I thought, despite ABC trying to edit otherwise, that it seemed as if she was leaning towards Jesse, especially during the hometown date. She seemed really disappointed that Jesse was so nervous and like she really wanted her family to aprove of him and like him. And the fact that Jesse looked like he was going to puke when he was going to get the ring, I’m not sure if that was actually a bad thing. I have a picture of my hubby looking as if he is about to faint/puke that was taken right before my wedding. Was he nervous? Heck, yeah! Did I doubt he loved me and wanted to marry me when I saw that picture? Not for a second. Honestly, I would be more concerned if the guy I loved wasn’t nervous about taking a huge step like marriage, especially since they met, dated and got engaged on a reality tv show.

Anyway, I loved both guys from the beginning. Great season. I wouldn’t mind seeing Jason as the next Bachelor, definitely more so than Jeremy. I’d love to look at Graham though…

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