I hope you watched the Academy of Country Music awards last night. Or the ACM awards as they are known. Please do not confuse these with the Country Music Association awards or CMAs as they are called. As far as I can tell from Wikipedia, one is an academy and one is an association. One is hosted by Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley and the other is hosted by Luke Bryan and Dierks Bentley.

My boy Dierks is hosting? Naturally, I had to tune in.

Here’s what I learned along with various thoughts from the 2017 ACM awards:

• I’m going to give all of the artists a pass on their vocal performances. Too many of them sounded flat, so I’m going to blame the production department.
• This does NOT include Miranda Lambert, Reba, or the big finale at the end.
• Why did Jason Aldean have a rabbit’s foot dangling from his multiple wallet chains? And was he wearing a lady scarf? He definitely borrowed his bright leather jacket from my Mama’s closet. I can’t believe she didn’t call me.
• Luke Bryan is a gyrator. And his pants are so, so tight.
• I’m not a fan of Florida Georgia Line. I do, however, enjoy the song “H.O.L.Y.,” which they played in the opening montage of Entertainer of the Year nominees.
• PS: That’s when I saw Luke gyrate and Aldean’s rabbit’s foot.
• Also nominated for Entertainer of the Year — Carrie Underwood and Keith Urban.
• Carrie gets her costumes right about fifty-percent of the time, but she always knows what to showcase and that’s her PHENOMENAL legs. Sure her dress looked like it was made from crushed up copper and tin foil, but the mini skirt did its job.
• Why was there duct tape on Keith’s sleeve? Do you think he used Nicole’s straightening iron to keep his locks extra rigid? They are too cute. I loved how she sang along to his song.
• Luke and Dierks went fishing in the Bellagio fountain. They didn’t catch anything.
• Sam Hunt is the country music artist who sort of raps in most of his songs. I don’t care for it. He doesn’t do this in “Body Like a Back Road.” Therefore, I like it. When he performed this song, I spent most of the time hiding behind the neck of my shirt because he lost his mic pack, wore an all black outfit with what appeared to be Army green wellies, and he embarrassed his fiancé by going down into the audience and serenading her. It was a sweet moment that she t-o-t-a-l-l-y wasn’t feeling. (CBS isn’t feeling me sharing the video with you. Sorry!)
• Dierks sang “Black” in a white t-shirt and jeans. Long live country music.
• Speaking of country music, what image do you conjure when you think of the genre? I assume it’s not Entertainment Tonight’s Nancy O’Dell or David Copperfield. Just as I thought, “Could they not scrounge up anyone else to present? There are hundreds of artists right there!” I realized what was going on. Announcing Song of the Year, David Copperfield speaks clearly into the mic, “Emma Stone for LaLa Land.” You go ACMs. That was funny! Then David used magic to change the envelope to read the winner who was…
• Thomas Rhett for “Die a Happy Man.” Great song. Well deserved. He also won for the Male Vocalist of the Year.
• Maren Morris is the Female Vocalist of the Year. She’s recently cut her hair short. The verdict is still out if she likes it. She sang her new single, “I Could Use a Love Song.” I fully support these lyrics. (FYI: There’s no official video.)
• Luke Bryan sang “Black” to his own wax figure as a joke right in front of Dierks. It was creepy and awesome.
• The Brothers Osborne won for Best Vocal Duo. The non-bearded brother had one of the funniest lines of the night: “I wondered why they sat us so close to the front! I thought hugging Thomas Rhett was the only airtime we were going to get!”
• Miranda Lambert won the night as far as performances go. She sang an emotional “Tin Man” song. They lyrics warns how he shouldn’t be rushing to find a heart because they break. Everyone knows this song is about Blake Shelton (who wasn’t there). I liked how it was just her with a guitar on stage. And a fabulous fringe cape-like outfit and ginormous hoop earrings. She looked good and sounded better. It was my favorite of the night. CBS is very strict about copyrights, so you’ll have to search for it on Google. Or just trust me and buy it on iTunes.
• One of the Rascal Flatts wore a tulip-themed Member’s Only jacket. The other one had a wallet chain. Is this a trend?
• I guess all the Entertainers of the Year were asked to sing and additional song, because Keith came back to perform “Blue Ain’t Your Color” and was quickly joined on stage by Carrie to sing “The Fighter.” Carrie wore an all fringe baby doll dress with a leotard underneath. Her legs still looked amazing.
• Little Big Town sang “Happy People.” Had it not been for the psychedelic outfits and crazy wild flowers projected on the screen behind them, I may have fallen asleep. Look it up and give it a listen. Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll give it another go.
• I’m sure they were embarrassed that Lady Antebellum followed with a sensational performance of “You Look Good,” complete with every horn player in Las Vegas. You know how I love a horn. That certainly woke the audience up!
• Kelli Pickler pretended to be a beauty pageant contestant all night long as she presented performers that were sponsored by T-Mobile. It’s like she was auditioning to be a v-jay at MTV’s 1994 Spring Breakout. Also, who knew T-Mobile was still around?
• Kelsea Ballerini performed “Yeah Boy” in a bright pink, bedazzled leotard. She didn’t class it up with a short dress like Carrie. Instead, she wore the leotard by itself. No pants. She had rhinestone panty hose, but no actual pants. I couldn’t get beyond the fact that she wasn’t wearing pants.
• We needed a country palate cleanse. Hello Chris Stapleton.
• Brett Eldridge performed up high in the cheap seats. I thought that was nice of him.
• Miranda won Album of the Year and Female Artist of the Year. She thanked the audience and her fans for allowing her to share her heartbreak. One of her producers took the mic and said, “To all the young song writers out there…tell the truth. It’s more interesting.” Good note.
• Faith and Tim sang their new song “Speak to a Girl.” She wore a rose gold dress, complete with a choker. He was in a cowboy tuxedo. Faith’s hair was on point. Tim’s hat was flawless. They are adorable. The song was meh. You’ll have to research it, because there isn’t a video…yet.
• The Video of the Year was a no brainer. Here’s “Forever Country” for your viewing pleasure.

• Reba and contemporary Christian artist Lauren Daigle brought a little church into the ballroom with the song “Back to God.” The audience loved it.
• Cole Swindell and Dierks sang “Flatliner” and had a ball doing it. They were the most entertaining for sure until…
• Florida Georgia Line took the stage to perform with the Backstreet Boys. Because the nineties are back and we all need to embrace that. Go buy a wallet chain.
• FGL-BSB sang “God, Your Mama, and Me” as one big group. They went all over the ballroom floor to the delight of everyone in the building. But that’s not the best part: THEY SANG “EVERYBODY!” Do you want the picture of pure joy? Watch Tim McGraw and Faith geek out to this song. Every country music artist was thrilled, none more than Carrie Underwood, to sing every lyric of that song. It was the perfect way to end the night.
• Only the night wasn’t over. We had to award Entertainer of the Year. Oddly, it went to Jason Aldean. I guess that rabbit’s foot was good luck after all.

What did you think about the ACM awards? Did your favorites win? Are you going to buy any new music as a result of the performances? Do you carry around a lucky rabbit’s foot? Hit me up in the comments!