After the Final Rose
Our host Chris Harrison: “Two women left it tears. Brad remains a Bachelor. It was the ending the shocked America.”
I beg to differ my friend. Check out my blog. About a thousand people guessed that he wouldn’t pick either girl on the comments page. America is not THAT shocked.
But America is pretty pissy. And America wants answers!
Things we learned from last night’s After the Final Rose:
1. Trista and Ryan are still made for each other.
Our first Bachelor success couple made their way to the stage wearing jeans and t-shirts. They are so over this Bachelor thing, they don’t even feel the need to dress up. Trista, carrying cute baby Max, talks about how Ryan was climbing a mountain in Argentina when she found out she was pregnant. She discusses the show with Uncle Chris says she feels bad for everyone. I thought Ryan was mute until he took the baby and talked about throwing baseballs and catching frogs. He’s still hot. Not hotter than crap like Brad. But close.
2. Mary Mary and Butchwax are still together?
What in the world? Where did they dig them up? Mary Mary is a professional fisher woman now. I bet Butchwax loves that. Now they can be TOGETHER ALL THE TIME! There’s still a ring…and after two and a half years, there’s a date. November. I’m assuming 2008. I half expected Hanna Montana to come out and start singing to pimp her new album, but she didn’t. I guess Butchwax really isn’t Billy Ray Cyrus.
3. Jenni is going to be FINE!
Her sweet Grandma passed away two weeks ago. I feel she’s probably seeing life in a different perspective right now and could care less about Brad. ABC shows a touching montage of Grandma and I cry like a seven-year-old. Our host asks if she felt Brad was dishonest with her feelings. She graciously answers that there were little things that got her hopes up and concludes that when she saw DD get the boot, she was disappointed in Brad and lost a little respect for him.
4. I don’t know if you caught this while watching, but DD is confused. And maybe a touch angry. I’m just saying.
She expected a proposal. She doesn’t know what happened. She felt like her heart was stabbed. She thought it was rude for him to tell her he didn’t pick Jenni. She still has feelings. Pissed that he didn’t choose either one. Aggravated that he told Jenni that there was something missing, but she had the total package…and he STILL WALKED AWAY! WHY? SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHY!?! It’s not fair that she had to spend two months knowing he didn’t pick either girl. Torture for her to fake smile when people approached her and said, “I think he picks you!” But as stupid as it sounds, she still has a glimmer of hope that he won’t let her walk away for a second time.
5. Brad gets “booo’d” by the AFR audience. Nice. Now THAT is Bachelor history.
Brad says that it is hard to explain why he didn’t fall in love. He reminds us that his heart was broken too. He doesn’t have a formula for falling in love and didn’t want to give either girl false hope. There just weren’t any butterflies. We learn that ABC flew DD’s Dad out for Brad to get permission to marry her. AND IT WAS BRAD’S IDEA! He said up until the final moment he was desperately trying to make things happen. That’s why he bought the engagement ring. But a gut feeling told him it wasn’t right. He feels like a jerk. He knows he has problems. And for the record, he doesn’t have any children, is not gay and is not currently dating an ex-girlfriend.
6. Jenni wears cheeky hipster panties from Gap Body.
I know this because I saw her butt when she attacks Brad with a big huge hug. He whispers that he is sorry about her Grandma. She high fives him. He puts his arm around her, takes it away, puts his hand on her knee, takes it away. The audience laughs. Jenni calls it the friend pat. Our host Chris asks Jenni if she has any questions. And she asks the one we are all wondering. “If you had such strong feelings, what made you not want to take a chance on one of us?”
Brad says that it is hard to explain why he didn’t fall in love. He reminds us that his heart was broken too. He doesn’t have a formula for falling in love and didn’t want to give false hope. There just weren’t any butterflies. He thought he showed respect by walking away. Jenni doesn’t buy it and is convinced he is scared to commit.
7. DD is clearly not over Brad.
She looks like she’s going to choke him when she enters the stage. Very nervous, her question is the same as Jenni’s question. And our host’s question.
“You had two great girls. Most guys don’t even have one. Why couldn’t you choose?”
Brad says that it is hard to explain why he didn’t fall in love. He reminds us that his heart was broken too. He doesn’t have a formula for falling in love and didn’t want to give false hope. There just weren’t any butterflies.
DD rolls her eyes at our host Chris Harrison and asks him to please come up with another answer. She tells him that she was never led to believe that this wasn’t for real. He clears his throat and continues.
Brad: “There just wasn’t anything there.”
DD: (responding loudly) “BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE! WHY WALK AWAY COMPLETELY?”
Brad: “I’m just as heartbroken as you are.”
DD: “Good. I’d like to think it breaks your heart for me to sit here and still be crying. I think of you every single day…what does that mean? You are still willing to let me walk away?”
Brad: “I’m confident in my decision.”
Lincee: Noooooooooo he didn’t.
DD: “Nothing makes sense…”
Brad: “Fair enough.”
Lincee: Is that an appropriate response? Could somebody bring Chad out here to fix this mess?
DD: “You are willing to let me walk out of your life a second time?”
Brad: “I can’t apologize for not falling in love.”
Long uncomfortable pause.
DD: “I need answers and closure and this still doesn’t make sense.”
Extremely long uncomfortable pause. Awkward. Very awkward. They still aren’t talking.
DD: “The one person I trusted broke my heart.”
LOTS OF SILENCE. This is pause is going on forever. Why isn’t someone talking? Our host Chris is torturing Brad. Seriously. I’ve just gotten up and made myself a turkey sandwich and they are starring in awkward silence.
Brad: “I swear that I thought I was taking the high road.”
DD: “I seriously thought you wouldn’t let me walk out again.”
It is at this point our host Chris Harrison finally jumps in and clues DD in:
OurHCH: “I don’t think you are ever going to get the answer you are looking for
DD: “Apparently not.”
Then, idiot Brad hugs DD goodbye and whispers, “I’ll miss you more than you will ever know.”
A lot of people have asked me what I think about his decision…if he should have picked one girl after all of that. I have several theories I’m happy to share with you. Take your pick:
1. He truly was not in love and didn’t want to fake propose or fake date either girl. So why did he say what he said to each girl?
2. He doesn’t like people to be upset or mad at him. He’s an approval addict. Must be liked and loved by everyone. Is willing to do anything to keep that balance.
3. He definitely has commitment issues.
4. He is a romantic and believes that true love…the marrying kind…does not require any work. If butterflies are not there…it’s just not meant to be.
5. His business partners talked him into going on the show to get some publicity for the bars. I don’t think he became the Bachelor for free advertising. I think he agreed thinking it would be a nice bonus…should he find the woman of his dreams. His romantic fairy-tale dream woman. Kind of like Barbie or Cinderella.
6. I think he tried to be sincere, but it backfired.
So where does that leave us? Angry? Feeling like we wasted an entire Bachelor season with no payoff?
It wasn’t that bad. This season brought us crazy Hillary and her BEEP’ing potty mouth. Sweet Sheena. A wonder twin switcheroo. Solista and her pole. Stephen King. And a hotter than crap Bachelor.
It was also the season I will forever remember as the one that pushed me to a million hits on my blogsite.
Now that is something to be thankful for!
I’m off to NYC. Got a message from Straight Guy # 1 that he is in the Big Apple too. We are going to meet at the top of the Empire State Building and discuss all things Bachelor. I’ll tell him you said hi.
Here’s hoping that the new Bachelor is not a chach and that the girls are just crazy enough for us to love them. For those of you who are only here for the Bachelor, I’ll see you next year. For those who are here for me, I’ll be posting on www.ihategreenbeans.blogspot.com a few times a week.
Until then, I’m all about the shame, not the game,