An Officer and a Gentleman

It’s good to be back my friends.

I’d like to thank ABC for welcoming us with wide open arms last night for one of the most entertaining episodes aired in a long, long time. It was like an old friend. I have to admit, there have been many anxious moments leading up to last night’s show, and our Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) did not disappoint.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. If this e-mail circulates to friends, family, enemies…that is your business. However, if you or someone in your address book happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Spring Oreos and Spaghetti O’s or have a spin instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Our beloved show is celebrating its 10th season. Can you believe it? When I heard our host Chris Harrison share this information, I felt a mixture of emotions and several questions swam around in my head. LUCKILY, I watched last night’s episode with my friend Meredith and she was able to mentally set me straight.

Lincee: “Has it really been 10 seasons?”
Meredith: “Let’s see if we can name them all…” (Which we did, although neither of us could remember the fisherman’s real name and affectionately called him Centrum Silver.)
Conclusion: The mind is a powerful organ.

Lincee: “Shouldn’t I be saving the world somehow or contributing to the greater good instead of wasting precious hours sitting in front of my TV every Monday night?”
Meredith: “I have TiVo, so we can fast forward through the commercials.”
Conclusion: Technically, this can be considered SAVING time.

Lincee: “Am I a loser?”
Meredith: “I just got a text from Ashley B. suggesting we count how many times it shows Andy with his shirt off.”
Conclusion: It’s just good TV people.

CUE THE SNARE DRUMS
Right off the bat, ABC decides to capitalize on the military connection with our Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) and insists on playing drum cadences and dramatic music that swells with every detail we learn about Andy Baldwin.

[The opening montage starts off slow and rhythmic.]

We learn about Andy’s childhood in Amish country Pennsylvania. He didn’t have much growing up, but I did notice he had a Cabbage Patch Kid.

[The music crescendos with a stronger beat as pictures fly across the screen.]

He held three jobs as a child, was a swimmer, valedictorian of his class, landed an ROTC scholarship, graduated from Duke and finally…

(CUE TOP GUN MUSIC…YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

He went to med school and became a lieutenant in the Navy!

He’s stationed in Hawaii and cares for 150 guys when not throwing flower leis over the edge of the railing at the USS Arizona.

[Music shifts to soft and seducing.]

You may think he has it all, but there is one piece of the puzzle missing. SOMEONE TO SHARE HIS AWESOMENESS WITH!

[Cue “Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong”…acoustic version]
Side note: Please let the record show that I called this. Thank you.

Oh…and he’s also a triathlon whose goals include shoot for the stars and go for your dreams. Not to mention it is his 30th birthday.

If that’s not an officer and a gentleman, I don’t know what is people.

Meet Our Bachelorettes
I have to admit that this batch of ladies pulled out all the stops to make a lasting impression on our Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman.) I’ve decided to add another line to our Bachelorette cheat sheet of “Stupid Moment That I Used to Pull Focus…No Matter How Embarrassing I May Look on National TV” because those are the true gems that make these ladies memorable.

Alexis
Lawyer
26
Southlake, TX
Why you remember her: Tall. Brunette. Pretty eyes. First one out of the limo. She looks like a beauty queen.
Lasting Impression: Alexis is above such things and pretty much had no air time the entire night. ABC tried to trick us, but I knew from the minute she stepped out of the limo should would not be going anywhere.
Status: Rose

Amanda
Financial Analyst
26
Dallas
Why you remember her: She insisted on driving me nuts and calling our Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) Mr. Lieutenant as they lay on the random bed (don’t we love those!) outside looking at the stars
Lasting Impression: She climbed the Great Wall of China. Andy loves a woman who is up for an adventure!
Status: Rose

Amber
Teacher
23
Sugar Land, TX
Why you remember her: She is a teacher. Andy loves kids. He taught Sunday School. And all the girls said, “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.”
Lasting Impression: “I’m from Sugar Land, so I’m obviously the sweetest one here!”
Lincee’s Impression: So sweet that I’m getting a stomach ache. Where’s my bucket?
Status: Rose

Bevin
Clinic Research Coordinator
28
Palo Alto, CA
Why you remember her: Bevin flashes the ABC camera man as she proudly shows off all the scars on her legs. Andy boldly proclaims, “THAT IS SO HOT!”
Lasting Impression: (As she steps out of the limo) “Where’s your uniform?” Andy: “Maybe I’ll show you later.” I wonder how many times he’s used THAT line before?
Lincee’s Impression: Come over to my house Andy…I’ll show you some REAL leg scars. (ACL Club holla if ya hear me!) Let the record show that I predict Bevin will go far.
Status: Rose

Blakeney
Radio Sales
29
Birmingham, AL
Why you remember her: “That (hiccup) Andy is as cute as (hiccup) a button!”
Lasting Impression: After she falls off her bar stool…never spilling her cocktail…Blakeney proceeds to get into a verbal argument with Lindsay. The ABC camera man literally pushes the ABC Intern out of the way and scolds him for trying to stop the cat fight before claws come out and hair is pulled.
Lincee’s Impression: I’m going to miss Blakeney. Please PLEASE tell me you saw her drunk rapping at the close of the show. It was blasphemous!
Status: No Rose

Candace
Waitress
23
Hilton Head Island, SC
Why you remember her: You remember her hair and wondered why she stood in a sauna before meeting the Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman)
Status: No Rose

Catherine
Former Miss Illinois
23
Lake Forest, IL
Why you remember her: She wore flip flops with her evening gown
Lincee’s Impression: Seriously…Former Miss Illinois is your occupation? Seriously?
Status: No Rose

Danielle I
Graphic Designer
25
Bethel, CT
Why you remember her: Cute blond (aren’t they all?)
Lasting Impression: My girl Danielle figures she can make a lasting impression by talking about her boyfriend who passed away. Then she talks about the guy who did her wrong before that. Her point? Third time’s a charm!
Status: Rose

Danielle V
Lawyer
26
Bronx, NY
Why you remember her: You don’t.
Lasting Impression: “You are better looking in person than you are on the Internet.”
Lincee’s Impression: Insert Jim Halpert face here.
Status: No Rose

Erin
Financial Analyst
24
Dallas
Why you remember her: You Googled her to see if she was one of Hugh Hefner’s wives.
Status: Rose

Jackie
Executive Coordinator
23
Minneapolis, MN
Why you remember her: You don’t.
Lasting Impression: Jackie points to the rose and says, “What is that for?” Andy answers, “You’ll find out.” And then shoves her through the front door as he yells, “SUCKER!”
Lincee’s impression: Nice.
Status: No Rose

Jeanette
Health Care Manager
27
Tampa, FL
Why you remember her: She’s a tiny pocket person who has a French manicure and plays with her hair.
Status: No Rose

Jessica
Hedge Fund Analyst
32
New York, NY
Why you remember her: I literally have no idea who this person is.

Kate
Boutique Owner
Charleston, SC
Why you remember her: Kate wore a short black dress and for some reason, posed on the limo before making her way to the Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) as she shouted, “I’m the one with the short dress!”
Lasting Impression: I’m reliving it in my brain right now and I can’t turn it off. My face is getting hot as I think about typing the words. Dear sweet Kate decided that she needed to take drastic measures and do something that Andy would never forget. She gets on the floor…lays on her stomach…and…wait for it…take a deep breathe…executes the centipede. That’s right. The centipede from any party from 1981-1987 and all wedding receptions around the nation. Could I make this stuff up?
Lincee’s Impression: Nonononononononononononononononono
Status: Rose

Linda
Lawyer
33
Cuyahoga Falls, OH
Why you remember her: Resident stalker that claims she is looking in a mirror when she sees Andy
Lasting Impression: Crazy challenged Andy to a pushup contest.
Status: No Rose

Lindsay
Student
22
Lawrence, KS
Why you remember her: How could you forget?
Lasting Impression: Picks a fight with Drunk Blake, calls first impression rose Stephanie heinous and storms out of the rose ceremony when she didn’t get picked.
Lincee’s Impression: I honestly thought they would keep her around.
Status: No Rose

Nicole
Sales Manager
26
Charleston, SC
Why you remember her: You think of her as the spastic best friend sidekick on a TV show like Blossom or Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Lasting Impression: After sneaking into the kitchen to make Andy a surprise birthday cake, she asks a cooking question, “Can we substitute tequila for eggs in the birthday cake?”
Lincee’s Impression: Insert Jim Halpert face here. (I have a feeling there will be a lot of those this season.)
Status: Rose

Peyton
Sorority Recruiter
24
Dallas
Why you remember her: She and the Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) have the same birthday. SHUT UP!
Lasting Impression: Andy insists on calling her Pay-TAWN with a strong “t”
Status: Rose

Stephanie T
Organ Donor Coordinator
27
Folly Beach, SC
Why you remember her: First impression rose
Lincee’s Impression: Mark my words…she has psycho tendencies.
Status: Rose

Stephanie W
Project Manager
23
Overland Park, KS
Why you remember her: She was easy to forget until…
Lasting Impression: Nadia does a back handspring through a doorway in her pink prom dress. Classic. Andy is impressed!
Status: Rose

Susan
Boutique Manager (what are there odds there are two boutique managers?)
23
The Woodlands (Houston)
Why you remember her: [crickets chirping]
Status: Rose

Tessa
Social Worker
26
San Francisco, CA
Why you remember her: Stop me if you’ve heard this one okay? Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, “It’s hot in here” and the other one says, “Holy cow…a talking muffin!”
Lasting Impression: Her Mom’s fanny pack got stolen on an Inca trail and she fell in love with the man who loaned them money.
Lincee’s Impression: Double whammy with the Muffin Man and Inca Trail. Nice.
Status: Rose

Tiffany F
Real Estate/Sales
27
St. Louis Park, MN
Why you remember her: She called him Adam when she got out of the limo and then laughed at her funny joke. Note to Tiffany: Andy did NOT laugh.
Status: Denied

Tiffany W
Medical Equipment Sales Rep
28
Boston
Why you remember her: She had on the David’s Bridal bridesmaid dress
Status: Rose

Tina
Med Student
26
Hollywood
Why you remember her: Her fortune cookie said her dreams would become a reality.
Lasting Impression: And here we are…the pièce de résistance…I’m going to need you to stand up and place your hand on your heart as we remember Tina serenading Andy with The Star Spangled Banner. Oh say can you see indeed! You all know of course I can’t watch. I’m yelling. STOP HER! And she sings the whole song. Bless her heart. Really. Bless her heart. Andy wipes a tear away. Is it a tear of joy? Laughter? We will never know. He gives her a standing ovation. I’m rocking back and forth in the fetal position on the floor at this point.
Lincee’s Impression: Sometimes I can still hear the land of the free and the home of the brave if I listen carefully…[shutter]
Status: Rose

I can’t yet tell if I find Andy’s “aw shucks” mentality cute or annoying. I’ll have to get back with you on that one. I’m definitely looking forward to hot tub moments. For the record, there were 14 shirtless moments (it seemed weird and inappropriate to count the two as a child) in the opening montage. We were graced with nine additional shots in the closing. It’s going to be a good season.

Two words:

Boot camp!

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

Comments

130 Comments on "An Officer and a Gentleman"

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Anonymous
Anonymous

I haven’t watched the show yet, but I must say your review is quite comical. I can’t wait to see it now. Keep up the good work!

Tricia
Ohio

Anonymous
Anonymous

The doc is a dork (aka: Dr. McDork)

Anonymous
Anonymous

I thought bug eyed crazy Linda did not get a rose?…

Anonymous
Anonymous

Rock on Linceee – you nailed it (as always!)!! 🙂

Michele
Mission Viejo, CA

Jerri
Jerri

Hi Lincee, Alexis is a Baylor Law graduate – 06!

Miss you!
Jerri

Mississippi Girl
Mississippi Girl

Did no one else think that he looks just like Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell? I mean just a little. Classic Bachelor. Welcome back!!!!!
Welcome Dr. McBody!

Anonymous
Anonymous

FYI: Linda, the Lawyer, who looks like an ewok with big ears DID NOT get a rose!!

HYSTERICAL REVIEW…can’t wait for more!!

Anonymous
Anonymous

Jackie was the one in flip-flops, not that it matters now… I think Andy is an exact mix between Andrew Firestone (my favorite, and the BEST, season!) and Travis Stork. I’m not impressed.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Lincee, I loved the recap! Gal singing the national anthem….bless her heart. Wow. And Lawrence, KS girl just gives KU such a bad rap!! Shame on her.

Anonymous
Anonymous

There is no denying that Mr. Lieutenant is a major hottie but I think deep down under all the abs he is really a geek! But you can overlook alot when he looks that good. We should be in for some really outrageous moments on the “best season ever”.

Great recap!

Anonymous
Anonymous

I don’t see anything about the chick from TN. I think she is going to go very far

Anonymous
Anonymous

Two potential nicknames for Andy…1) Chompers (I couldn’t take my eyes off his teeth all night…he reminded me of Matt Dillon’s character in Something About Mayer or 2) which I can’t take credit for as I read it on another recap blog…Sandy Duncan (of Peter Pan fame). I mean, really – he could be her long lost twin. Just bizarre. I can no longer find him sexy after having that image in my head.

Great recap!
ps* Crazy Linda didn’t get a rose

Anonymous
Anonymous

TOO Funny! Thanks for the recap. I found your site last season and looked forward to reading the recap today.

The doc sure is yummy.

Anonymous
Anonymous

I’ve been waiting for this all morning -YAY for a new season of recaps!!

#1 Jayhawk Fan
#1 Jayhawk Fan

Anyone else think Dr. McMaverick has oddly shaped upper abs? Maybe just me, but I couldn’t stop staring at the rest of his hotness, so I can’t really complain!

Lincee, you had me laughing out loud in class–totally worth the evil eye my prof. gave me! Awesome stuff.

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