Bachelor Colton Recap: Like a Virgin

For seventeen years, Mike Fleiss has gathered a select team of producers, show runners, psychotherapists, hair people, makeup people, and one lone ABC Intern to create magical drama that draws audiences into a world of unrealistic dating. It’s up to these individuals to come up with a plan that encourages viewers, like you and me, to take this journey to find love with one lucky guy or gal who is there for the right reasons.

After a decade or so, the luster naturally wears off and arrangements have to be made to spice things up a bit. A hard line has to be drawn since The Bachelor airs on network television, but the goal is to push the boundaries without turning the heads of the FCC. And if an indecency fine happens to be filed, that’s why hot shot lawyers are on the payroll, right?

Take Kailtyn Bristowe, for instance. She’s the first one to admit on air during her season that she had horizontal relations with multiple contestants. Bachelor Nation clutched our pearls because up until that point, we knew these jokers were only sharing their hopes and dreams in the fantasy suites. 

Bad Boy Nick refused to ride off into the sunset after coming in second place in both Kaitlyn and Andi’s seasons. He wore skinny jeans and proclaimed that the third time is always the charm. It was not. 

Then there was Rachel Lindsay. ABC finally selected a woman of color. This was uncharted territory. Lo and behold, she found love with a Floridian and his mom. 

And finally, Fleiss dove deep into the archives, dusted off Arie Luyendyk, Jr., and after five years out of the Bachelor spotlight, they allowed him to first declare love to Becca before shouting “PSYCHE!” and choosing one of the blonde Laurens while Becca sobbed heartbroken tears on a yellow couch.

Let’s review: Sex is a big part of the picture now. Bad boys are revered. Diversity is considered. And public humiliation is celebrated. Where do we go from here? Is there anything left to scrutinize? Have we covered all the romance tropes?

That sound you hear is Mike Fleiss laughing at me from his tricked out penthouse on the top floor of the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood.

“Bring me a virgin!”

It makes sense, right? Other than darling personalities, what did Becca rejects Jason or Blake have to bring to the table? Both their skin and teeth are dazzling white. Neither have a wardrobe that consists entirely of distressed jeans. Jason and Arie have already pulled the “just kidding” card. You might as well call them “Ben Higgins” or “Sean Lowe” at this rate.

No, no, no, the virgin will bring all sorts of drama. And jokes. And questions about his sexuality. Colton is clearly the perfect choice.

Can you imagine the first meeting of the minds when everyone gathers around the table to suss out the details of the season 23 premiere? 

Picture it:

Fleiss: Okay, okay, we’ve got Colton and he’s agreed to swipe his v-card at least once in the fantasy suite. But that won’t happen until week six, so we need something different, something exciting, something we’ve never done before during the premiere. Any ideas?

Show Runner #1: I know! Let’s bore our audiences to death and have Harrison toss back and forth between three different watch parties. We’ll ask the Bachelor alumni who one day want to be red carpet reporters for Entertainment Tonight to host. 

Fleiss: Pros?

Show Runner #1: Everyone will see how Bachelor Nation is a force with which to be reckoned. Just like the CrossFit devotees. We are mighty and we aren’t going anywhere. And we have cast members who are relevant because they are social media influencers.

Fleiss: Harrison won’t bite. He prefers to run the show. 

Show Runner #2: Let’s make one of the watch parties at his brewery in Dallas.

Fleiss: Brilliant. Here’s a five thousand dollar bonus. Now, who should host the parties? 

Show Runner #2: Well, Kaitlyn’s not doing anything. She’s tight with JoJo. They could run things in Dallas. Power couple Ashley I-Lashes and Jared could do something in Utah of all places.

Fleiss: Good, good. Put down Jason and Blake. I promised them a gig when we passed over them in consideration for the next bachelor. I have to toss them a bone. Send them to one of the square states in the middle. I’ve got two more bonuses to anyone who can score a watching party proposal. Someone get Uncle Neil on the phone. We’ll need him to scrounge up a few discarded diamonds to use as an incentive. What else?

Producer: Research shows that Bachelor Nation loves hot tubs. What if we set one up in studio and have a couple of alumni chilling with random strangers who look good in bathing suits? 

Fleiss: I like it. But we won’t have room in studio because of the mosh pit. Instead of bleachers, we are borrowing the old school platform we use when couples sway to the tune of the hot country music artist who is about to drop an album. We’re surrounding Harrison with pretty people and one very tall guy upstage. Let’s stick the jacuzzi in the parking lot. Who do we know who won’t mind potentially being electrocuted by the microphones? 

Show Runner #1: The Goose and Former Villain Crystal. We can also tease that they are going to have a baby, when they are really going to get a dog. Plus, there are some whimsical blow up engagement ring floats in the dollar section at Target that we can blow up and add to the non-bubbling water. 

Fleiss: Someone send the ABC Intern to fetch those right now. Next?

Psychotherapist: Babies. We need a montage of Bachelor babies. It proves that this show is a success and we know what we are doing. Ashley and JP would do it. So will Jade and Tanner and Carly and Evan. Trista and Ryan signed their contract in blood, so we can trot out their kids, too, since we technically own them. Does anyone know how to get in touch with Desire and that guy she chose who likes to write poetry? They have a couple of kiddos. Let’s not invite Sean and Catherine to participate. Their children are too cute for words and will pull focus.

Fleiss: Good call.

Psychotherapist: Should we include Arie and that Lauren girl?

Fleiss: It’s a success story. And I love to see audiences cringe. The answer is hell yes. I’d also like to surround Harrison with beloved cast members in the mosh pit. Get me Wells, Wills, and Nick. Ask the Sholphin to go to Dallas. And get Becca and Garrett to visit Utah of all places. But don’t let him speak. We can’t be too careful. Make sure Princess Jasmine and Aladdin know to only hand the microphone to Becca. 

Show Runner #1: I hate to point this out, but this feels very long for a two-hour premiere. It also feels very New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. Should we omit something?

Fleiss: The suits in the corner offices at ABC bow down to me. Add another hour to the schedule.

Producer: Harrison will balk.

Fleiss: Give him a three-minute tribute. Have his mother introduce it. 

Show Runner #2: Sir, you are brilliant. 

Fleiss: I know. Now have the ABC Intern fetch me two fingers of whiskey.

Show Runner #1: He’s at Target buying blow up engagement rings. 

Fleiss: Right. Someone call him and have him pick me up a taco on the way back. Now, let’s discuss the mechanics of how Colton will actually lose his virginity. 

And scene.

After ninety minutes of pre-game warm-up, Our Host Chris Harrison finally sits down with Colton to remind us all again that Colton is a virgin. The Bachelor walks us through a series of memories where he claims to have been that awkward, chunky kid in school. His confidence came from football. He also adds that he’s not waiting on a ring or marriage, but he’s waiting for the one. And he has been in love before.

That’s not Tia.

Hare tells Colton that he was a controversial choice. Not because he’s a virgin, but because people don’t think he’s ready to settle down since he just broke up with Tia in an emotional display of all the feels on a beach in Mexico this summer. 

Colton proves that he’s ready by taking a shower. And working out. And taking another shower. Let’s meet the ladies!

Alex B.”
29
Dog Rescuer
Vancouver, BC

Status: ROSE

Why you remember her:
Alex pulls a Love Actually cue card confession, revealing that she is sick, but would never miss her chance to meet him. Her lack of voice did not hinder her from securing a rose.

Alex D.
23
Sloth
Boston, MA

Status: NO ROSE

Why you remember her:
From here on out, when great masters of theater teach their students how to commit to a character, they will cue up footage of Alex slowly making her way to Colton in a full-blown sloth outfit. They will point out how she took the length of a commercial to finally reach the man she’s trying to impress and note how she climbed a tree to make things appear extremely realistic. These masters will praise Alex for clocking an average of seventeen seconds per word and applaud her unwillingness to drop the facade like an average person.

Sadly, becoming one with the sloth was Alex’s downfall. Had she ditched the costume before her crucial one-on-one time and showcased her stunning red dress and cheery personality, she might not be cursing the fact that she had to pay a baggage fee to get that sloth costume back to the rental place this morning to avoid overage fees. 

Angelique
28
Marketing Salesperson
Hamilton, NJ

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
All I have in my notes is that her dress leaves a glitter trail everywhere she goes. Good for Angelique for securing a rose!

Annie
23
Financial Associate
New York, NY

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Technically, you don’t remember Annie. But Colton seemed very comfortable with her when they first met and talked briefly about football. My guess is that there is palpable chemistry that producers are trying to keep on the down low.

Bri
24
Model
Los Angeles, CA

Status: Rose (in an Australian accent)

Why you remember her:
She’s not Australian.

Caelynn
23
Miss North Carolina 2018
Charlotte, NC

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Caelynn’s pageant people came up with a brilliant icebreaker. They repurposed her sash to read “Miss North Carolina” on one side and “Miss Underwood” on the other. Unfortunately, these seamstresses missed the mark by insinuating that Caelynn is interested in being Colton’s sister rather than his future wife. 

During their one-on-one time, Colton can’t remember Caelynn’s name, but he can remember that she’s Miss Carolina. He doesn’t recall which Carolina, but that’s neither here nor there to anyone who doesn’t live in either of those states. Much like the Dakotas and the Virginias, they are one in the same. Colton is extremely impressed with Caelynn and bestows her the first kiss. She tells the camera that he’s a pretty good kisser for a virgin. 

Anyone who watches Outlander knows that being a virgin does not mean that one is a monk. Just ask Jamie Fraser.

Caitlin
25
Realtor
Toronto, ON

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Caitlin is the one who reminds you of Kaitlyn. They are both Canadian, share a name, and neither have a problem with being a bit on the crude side. Exhibit A:

Cassie
23
Speech Pathologist
Huntington Beach, CA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Cassie is the speech pathologist in a Mandy Moore dress circa A Walk to Remember who teaches us that a box of dead butterflies is perfectly acceptable as an icebreaker. Did you notice that Colton picked up one up off the freshly sprayed driveway and put it in his pocket? 

I think Cassie is a delight. She teaches Colton sign language (you are cute) and when he makes the universal sign known by toddler moms everywhere for “more” when he’s trying to guess “kiss,” Cassie appropriately laughs and show him the correct signal. Then they make the “all done” sign and she wanders off, humming that she’s already missing Colton like candy.

Catherine
26
DJ
Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Status: Rose

I’m done with DJ Jazzy Catherine and her beloved dog Lucy who she pawned off on Colton, who later pawned off on Our Host Chris Harrison of all people. Show some respect, Cathy.

  1. She was not born with those lips.
  2. Raise your hand if you expected her to bend and snap at any moment?
  3. She set a record on how many times she stole Colton away from other women on night one.

Courtney
23
Caterer
Atlanta, GA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
She gave Colton a peach and told him to come find her later on in the night. He ate it like an apple and we never saw her again unless she was complaining with Havana (ooh na-na) about not getting any alone time with the Bachelor.

Demi
23
Interior Designer
Dallas, TX

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Where do I begin with teeny, tiny Demi? Let’s see, this country girl likes hot dogging for Colton on her four wheeler. She’s never had a serious relationship because she’s practically a fetus. Her Mommy is in federal prison, not because she killed a man, but because she embezzled money. She’s a classy white collar criminal and I hope we get to see Colton meet her in the jailhouse one day in the coming weeks.

Demi’s night one gown is an interesting bright yellow conglomeration of several different looks. Think lace curtains meets grandmother’s threadbare afghan from the 1800s. She asks questions that she should know, proving that Demi neither watched Colton on Becca’s season nor Bachelor in Paradise. I assume that’s because her bedtime was earlier than seven o’clock. 

She has clued in on the fact that our boy is a virgin. When meeting Colton for the first time, Demi repeats the following fact: “I have not dated a virgin since I was twelve.”

Let’s reflect.

My knee jerk reaction is to assume Demi was a mere twelve-years-old the last time she herself was a virgin. But that’s not the case. Upon further inspection, and a solid minute-long discussion/debate among watch party friends, we concluded that every other person young Demi has associated herself with since she was in junior high had already been deflowered. It has nothing to do with her own personal life, yet it is important enough to proclaim straight out of the gate.

Devin
23
Broadcast Journalist
Medford, OR

Status: No Rose

I have never seen this person before in my life.

Elyse
31
Makeup Artist
Soldotna, Alaska

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Because redheaded women are unforgettable. I’d like to extend Colton a virtual high five for giving the old lady a chance to sweep him off is feet!

Erika
25
Recruiter
Encinitas, CA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Well first of all, you’re supposed to call her Nut. Second of all, she’s the one who uses her one-on-one to figure out why Colton is still a virgin.

Colton, who is used to answering this question by now, tells Nut that he’s saving it for someone he is madly in love with and would never lose it with a one-night stand. Nut encourages him to “keep it special” and I throw up a little in my mouth as I hide behind a couch cushion.

Erin
28
Cinderella
Plano, TX

Status: No Rose

Why you remember her:
Cinderella definitely went to the ball in her ice blue dress after arriving in a pumpkin carriage, but was forced to walk around with one glass slipper because Colton never found her at the cocktail party to return the one she conveniently left with him.

We call that a red flag.

Hannah B.
23
Miss Alabama 2018
Tuscaloosa, GA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Hannah B. is Miss Alabama 2018 and knows Miss Carolina Caelynn because she beat her at the Miss America pageant. They didn’t appear to hate each other, yet these women know how to mask feelings of disgust so we can’t really go off of facial expressions.

Hannah is all ROLL TIDE all the time. Did she jink her team into losing the national championship last night against Clemson? We may never know.

What we do know is that she is sparking with Colton. They share a deep conversation about their fears, which makes Hannah Bama initiate a secret pinky swear handshake that signifies “real talk.” That got serious fast.

Hannah G.
23
Content Creator
Birmingham, AL

Status: First Impression Rose

Why you remember her:
She’s just so darn likable. And cute. And she appears extremely normal. According to Colton, she reminds him of home.  Awwwwww.

This Hannah manages a memorable icebreaker that is flirty, but not gross. She hands him a box and says, “I brought you your favorite underwear.” The box is empty because our Colton allegedly does not wear underpants.

Hey, it’s better than a sloth costume and a bag of nuts. Plus, it earned her a near kiss during her one-on-one time. Because Hannah is a wee babe, she had no idea that Colton was giving her all sorts of green lights for a kiss, including a significant lean.

She totally missed it. Which I think made her that much more attractive to him. So he threw all caution to the wind when he gave her the first impression rose by kissing her and leading with the tongue. Yay! Also, gross.

I like her.

Heather
22
Never Been Kissed
Carlsbad, CA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
I mentioned this in my inaugural Bachelor Colton post, but Heather has never been kissed before. And she feels the best place to experience this very big moment is on national television. BLESS IT.

Jane
26
Social Worker
West Hollywood, CA

Status: No Rose

Why you remember her:
Jane is the one who photoshopped her dog in with Colton’s dog. vibe.

Do you see his eyes? That’s Colton mentally checking Jane off his future wife roster due to the “I will boil his bunny” vibe.

Katie 
26
Medical Sales Rep
Sherman Oaks, CA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Katie is a former dancer and based on how many times she brings this piece of information up in her bio, I think Katie is on the struggle bus because she would like to be a current dancer. 

She also hands Colton a deck of cards and asks him to hold them out so she can choose one. What letter does that card have on it? “V” as in virgin. She has just took his V-card and rejoices in her cleverness even though this is the tenth time someone has brought up his virginity.

Based on this information alone, you would think that Katie has a tough road ahead. Untrue. Katie killed it during her one-on-one time with Colton. He applauded her when she declared that she is an independent woman and needed a man who understands that. Then they made out like two kids under the bleachers.

Mark my words. Katie is one to watch.

Kirpa
26
Dental Hygienist
Whittier, CA

Status: Rose 

Why you remember her:
Oh Kirpa. She’s the one who dressed for prom or a cotillion. Her purple gown held all the glitter rhinestones in the world and her hair was the updo of hairdos. She also wants you to know as a dental hygienist, she “gravitords” nice teeth.

Laura
26
Accountant
Dallas, TX

Status: No Rose

Why you remember her:
She wears the same dress as Heather. Heather got a rose. Laura did not. I guess we know who wore it better.

Nicole
25
Social Media Coordinator
Miami, FL

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Nicole’s Cuban family is her life. Which leads me to believe that half her heart is in Havana (ooh na na).

Nina
30
Sales Account Manager
Raleigh, NC

Status: Rose

Why you remember this girl:
All we know is that she’s Croatian and has very big boobs.

Onyeka
24
IT Risk Consultant
Dallas, TX

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Pronounced “on-yay-ka” and her Nigerian parents got married after two weeks. She is clearly perfect for this show. She’s also not afraid to go after DJ Cathy for stealing Colton from all the girls. Once, she approached our bachelor with a snorkel mask and a whistle and announced that he was “drowning with some bitches.” Cathy’s dog was nowhere in the shot, so this was blatant crass behavior.

She’ll stick around to stir pots. There’s no way she will go the distance.

Revian
24
Esthetician
Santa Monica, CA

Status: No Rose

Why you remember her:
She is fluent in Mandarin. We are not sure if the accent is real.

Sydney
27
NBA Dancer
New York, NY

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Sydney is the one who brought an orchestra (read: string quartet) to the driveway to teach Colton how to box step. He failed miserably but redeemed himself when he lifted Sydney over his head like Johnny did in Dirty Dancing.

Not THE lift. But the one at the very end when he and Baby are swaying and he mouths that he had the time of his life and he owes it all to her. Then he just lifts her dead weight from under her armpits straight up.

It’s a lot more attractive than I’m describing. Click here to see for yourself. I’ve cued it up for you. It’s after the kiss when the camera is panning out.

Tahzjuan
25
Business Development Associate
Castle Pines, CO

Status: No Rose

She was not the Juan.

Tayshia
28
Phlebotomist
Corona Del Mar, CA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
She is the one who set up Tayshia Land, which offered games and pony rides. But there’s a catch…Colton is the pony! Giddy-up!

Tracy
32
Wardrobe Stylist
Los Angeles, CA

Status: Rose

Why you remember her:
Tracy rolls up in a cop car because she is the Fashion Police. She should have arrested herself. A white crop top without a bra screams ensembly challenged to me. Colton keeps the handcuffs for the fantasy suite because he can make jokes about his virginity too, gosh darnit.

Later that night, Tracy gives Colton a pair of white nursing shoes so they can make fashion art together. Colton has just finished writing LYLAS when DJ Cathy steals him away. This is when we feel sorry for Tracy and simultaneously get a good look at Cathy’s cocktail dress that could double as a short program costume for Michelle Kwan.

There we have it! Who stands out to you as early contenders? Which ones are you rooting for? Remember, this is a spoiler-free zone. Sound off in the comments and let’s dish!

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Kelli
Kelli

I HATED the 90 minute pre-game show and Kevin fell sound asleep. By the time we got to the actual limos pulling up, he was over it, so I will replay it for him tonight. Did anyone notice that Becca and Gareth were a bit stand offish with each other? I didn’t either, but someone on a message board pointed it out to me.

Kevin does NOT like Catherine and thinks Lucy is a prop and not in a good way. It’s funny how Kevin always kind of growls at the ‘villains’. And he’s about over the virgin jokes. Can we just move on people? He was interested in the sloth though I guess contestants should stick to Sholphins. Or other animals that move in a reasonable amount of time.

For those that asked–Kevin now has a facebook page. Here is the link, please like and follow the Bachelor’s Only Canine Commentator!

https://www.facebook.com/Kevin-Heflin-Bachelor-Dog-310546046244683

Dee
Dee

Welcome to Facebook, Kevin! Haha Love seeing his little scrappy face on there at last after having read all his delightful Bachelor/Bachelorette thoughts over these past many months. 🙂

Andrea
Andrea

OMG, all these years I thought Kevin was your husband! Love that he’s a scrappy pup!!

Norma
Norma

Kevin is ADORABLE!!!!!!! I immediately went and “liked” his page! 🙂

Kelli
Kelli

Kevin has had a rough time–right before Christmas, he was diagnosed heartworm positive, so he has been in treatment, due to end next week (Thank the Lord–it was 6 pills/day). He was on preventative and everything and heartworm in Colorado is almost unheard of, so it was a very unpleasant and upsetting surprise. Hopefully this treatment does the trick. I have a friend who has the largest no kill shelter in the South and deals with a lot of heartworm and she was the one who gave my vet the protocol that they use (because they don’t treat the condition much in Colorado and they were going to do the most aggressive thing they could do, which often kills your pet).

Anyway–I’m thrilled that Kevin has so many likes. Hopefully, the show next week isn’t as dull.

Lara
Lara

Wow Kelli, poor Kevin! That sounds like a close call. He needs to stay well, even more so now that he is on a short list of good Bachelor commentators (ha ha). I am not on face book so I can look at the page (he is super cute and looks quite smart) but it will probably not let me “like” it unless I join. So… please let him know that I fully support his efforts to keep us all entertained and well informed about Bachelor happenings :-).

Vicki
Vicki

Lincee, your recap of the “meeting of the minds” was BRILLIANT!
So much talk about Colton’s virginity was tacky and boring.
The viewing parties were excruciating, and I ended up FFing through those.
I had the same thought about Catherine’s lips and couldn’t quit staring at them.
I liked Cassie as well. I’m impressed by people who seem to genuinely like helping others.
And the leading with the tongue was just GROSS!

Addy

Ugh yes I was already so over all the virgin jokes!!!! And I love sloths, but wow that was overcommittment. I did like Colton’s “this is going to take forever” comment while she was walking up. Ha.

Also, thanks Lincee for the Dirty Dancing lift cue. It’s super sexy and then I of course had to watch the whole dance because, hi, Dirty Dancing!

I can’t wait for the rest of the season, and for Catherine to go bye bye. Her lips are toooooo much.

Laura Jean

My first thought before I read a word:
Colton is TALL! Look at those little ladies surrounding him. He’s got them by a whole neck and head!

Kate
Kate

Hey now, South Dakota is the best Dakota! 🙂 🙂

Vicki
Vicki

I’m wondering if the show didn’t “jump the shark” with the annoying opening watch parties.

Speaking of jumping … I can’t wait to see who made Colton the Virgin jump the gate in the upcoming episode teaser.

Michele
Michele

Yeah! That jump over the gate looked almost super-human! How did he DO that??

Tammi
Tammi

I have lots of thoughts after last night. Catherine was foreshadowed as the villainess this season when Miss Carolina was commenting how wonderful everyone was so far and wondered if there would be a girl to stir the pot and be a bi*ch, only to cut to Catherine getting out of the car. Colton was over her immediately, but the producer pick is alive and well.

Also, I don’t agree that Demi isn’t necessarily ‘experienced’. In her preview, She said she was concerned about Colton’s virginity. She then said if you have only had a vanilla cupcake, then how do you know if you like chocolate or strawberry? You have to apparently try all the cupcakes first to see what you want, and she is, “the damn confetti cake.”

Miss Alabama is from Tuscaloosa, AL not GA. She grew up not knowing anything other than Roll Tide, since the university is in Tuscaloosa.

JimJ
JimJ

Ah, The Bachelor is back. I was bored by the watch parties even though it was good to see the former contestants. There seemed to be a lot of screen time with Crystal wiggling around in a bikini in a hot tub. How is this advancing Colton’s journey?

I agree, Lincee, Katie is really the one to watch. In a sea of blondes, she came off as the smoldering vixen. Well done! However, I would not discount a blonde in slinky gold dress possessing a first impression rose.

Dana P
Dana P

The watch parties were a waste of time but the IHGB “back story” that led to them was genius. Brava Lincee!

Colton needs his pal Jason to give him kissing lessons. Stat.

Not sure how far she’ll go but Cassie was my favorite. Was it me or did they all seem so very young?

Allia
Allia

Lincee’s backstory was hilarious! Far more entertaining than the excruciatingly boring preshow. After about 10 mins I tuned out and just kept it running in the background while I did other things.
I agree with you that the ladies did seem very young. That said, Colton is young too. I can’t see him getting engaged at the end of this. I really feel like he needs to take time to enjoy youth and figure himself out… I hope he doesn’t get pressured into anything.

Kelly
Kelly

love the back story Lincee – hilarious recap ! I think now I just watch this show so i can read your recaps.

did anyone else really enjoy the Chris H tribute video ? I thought it was so sweet and he seemed really happy about it.

Evangeline
Evangeline

Great great recap!!!!!!

Am I the only nerd in this world that liked the viewing parties and seeing all of the alumni!!! I loved seeing the babies and Ryan and Tristas kids talking about the way their parents met, Jason and Blake and the couples who got engaged!! I guess I’m a dork and proud of it!!!

BA77
BA77

I liked it too!!!

Linda
Linda

It looks like there are a ton of jump and straddles (linsees tm) in the previews. I may get tired of those! Love your intro Lincee and look forward to some nicknames for the girls!!!

islandchic
islandchic

If we took a shot for every jump and straddle, we would all be drunk within the first hour.

Michele
Michele

Fantastic recap Lincee! Loved your imagining of behind-the-scenes with Mike Fleiss. So very funny.

I’m in the “HATE the 90 minute pregame show” camp. I mean REALLY HATE IT. What a colossal WASTE of TIME. OK, I didn’t mind seeing quick snippets of past participants and their offspring. But please, no more, “How are things going at your viewing party?” reports, with people crazily shouting and cheering. SO BORING. And the past participants hosting added nothing to the show. (“Oh, yeah, we’re having a great time here!” duh.) You could see that they were trying so hard to be enthusiastic and fun, but contributing absolutely nothing. Please don’t encourage them to try to be in the spotlight. Totally boring. And no more televised “surprise” proposals of viewer couples. Not interesting. (I guess I’m the Bachelor equivalent of The Grinch.)

I agree that Katie may go far, but I’m not a fan of hers. I’m disappointed in the Sloth girl. She is cute, but shot herself in the foot with going overboard on the sloth schtick. (say that 10 times!) I think she would have gone further if she dropped the sloth costume right after meeting Colton, before she even went into the mansion. I’m rooting for Cassie. Hannah G also seems like a sweetie who would be good for Colton. It will be fun to see how things develop with this group of bachelorettes.

Susan
Susan

I am Grinching right there with you. Watch parties are so forced and boring. I did like seeing the bachelor babies, but the timing was wrong. The first episode needs to focus on Colton and his ladies.
Poor Sloth girl. She must be so sorry she played that up so long.

Kimberly
Kimberly

When Colton told one of the girls his mom was 24 when she had him and he is 26 and then I did the math = UGH! I am only 3 years younger than his mom!! Also, I think the average age of the girls is 23. So my biggest question of the night was not which one of these lovely YOUNG ladies will take Colton’s V card but… Am I too old to be watching this?!! LOL I have watched every season (except for Juan Pablo because he is creepy & his voice annoyed me) so I probably will continue to watch, although try not to get too invested in the drama of these babies. As I get older I find myself hiding behind my couch cushions a lot more too! Great recap! I thought of you when they were doing the OHCH tribute – that was super cute!

Rosa
Rosa

Kimberly you aren’t too old! I’m 46 and am glued to every episode and follow these crazies on Instagram!!

Michele
Michele

My son is the same age as Colton. (And my daughter is older!) And I’m about a decade older than his mom. So if you are too old to watch, I’m DEFINITELY too old (but I’m watching anyway.)

Sara P.
Sara P.

At our watching party on Monday, we also were celebrating my best friend’s 61st birthday. There’s no such thing as “too old to watch.”

Lzydaizy
Lzydaizy

How about the”if I was a human being” during the rose ceremony? I literally had to pause the TV to laugh at that one. If you WERE….

Mary
Mary

That was hilarious!

Lex
Lex

Love your recaps – they bring so much joy to my work day! Literally LOLing at “the juan” and “I have never seen this person in my life.”
I think everyone in America can see Catherine’s obsession with botox and fillers – it’s so bad and makes her look so much older than she is!
I noticed the Miss Underwood too and it drives me crazy that Miss NC USA couldn’t get that right!
Just an FYI that Alabama and NC competed in Miss USA – not Miss America. They are two completely different pageant systems that focus on very different things.

Megan
Megan

Yes, USA and America are different systems. Hannah B. competed in the Miss America system for several years and did well in it. She took a year off and then competed in the Miss Alabama USA pageant, winning the title the second year that she competed. She and Miss North Carolina were roommates at Miss USA; they’ve known each other for a year and are friends.

Also, Hannah G. competed in the Miss Alabama USA system for three years, placing in the top 5 every year. Her final year, she was First runner-up. That was the year before Hannah B. started competing in USA. Both of the Hannahs from Alabama are sweet, kind young women.