Bachelor Jake: Episode Five

Jake:  “It’s not about sex appeal.  It’s about flexibility.  See how Ali straddles me so comfortably in the middle of a meadow?”

OHCH:  “Jake.  Buddy.  You can’t say that on prime time TV.  This isn’t cable.”

Jake:  “Right.  Sorry.”

OHCH:  “Take two.”

Jake: “It’s not about sex appeal.  It’s about being smoking hot and coming to my room with a bottle of wine and admitting you aren’t wearing any panties.”

OHCH:  “Dude.  You can’t say that either.  Think wings of love and try again.  Take three.”

Jake:  “It’s not about sex appeal.  It’s about heart appeal.”

OHCH:  “Totally chachtastic.  I think we have a winner.  We needed something with extra cheese so Lincee would have an amazing title for her blog tomorrow.  It will be the new catch phrase that sweeps the nation!  Good job Jake!”

Recap will be up LATER this afternoon as soon as I figure out what in the world I can write about after sitting through the most boring episode to date.

Wish me luck!

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peytonmanningrocks
peytonmanningrocks
10 years ago

Ali is really starting to bug me. Definitely the dominant girl of the group and will nice Jake really go for her in the end? She seems to just want to “win” and then go shopping with Tenley. Speaking of Tenley, did it seem she had a ‘stache when she was on her one on one date with Jake? Maybe it was poor lighting, but she looked like she had a bit of a shadow above her lip…..yikes!

Jake is growing on me. Not quite the horn dog as past bachelors!!

Crystal
Crystal
10 years ago

New under-statement of the CENTURY…..
Corrie “I think if Jake wasn’t dating 4 other women things would definitely have been different”. Uh….Ya think??

heidi
heidi
10 years ago

Things from this episode: 1. My 75 year old Grandma is an avid Bachelor watcher and called me after Corrie’s virgin confession and said, “We’re on team Corrie.” Then Corrie got kicked off and she called me back very upset because Jake is supposed to be the Bachelor with values, and I had to burst her bubble tell her that it was because Jake knew she wasn’t going to put out on the overnight dates. 2. Did Ali really call Jake her favorite flower? I don’t have a hole lot of relationship experience, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want… Read more »

Kendall
Kendall
10 years ago

*LMAO* Crystal, SO TRUE!

Tracy
Tracy
10 years ago

Oh Lincee, I don’t think you will have any problems picking at all the hilarious things that went on last night! Just your intro is funny, but Good Luck if you think you need it. And please don’t forget to mention Vienna’s most irratingly ugly hair-do last night. I couldn’t even focus on her crossed eyes or her weird mouth…her hair had my undivided attention! Why is he keeping her?? The slut over the virgin? Says a little about our boy Jake. I give him props for not kissing Vienna after he had a full blown make out session with… Read more »

Stacey
Stacey
10 years ago

Totally agree about Vienna’s hair, Aspiring Fashionista. All I could do was stare in morbid fascination. Other strange fashion happenings — what time of year was this shot? If it was summer, what was up with all the boots? If it wasn’t summer, what’s up with the sundresses? Also, Jake, if you’re going to wear jeans and dark sneakers, white is not the appropriate sock choice. Are they never going to refer to the fact that Jake is doing the exact same thing regarding Vienna as Jillian did with Wes? At least have him make some comment to the effect… Read more »

Jen
Jen
10 years ago

The title of this weeks recap should be: “Umm…you can eat my salmon,” Classic line by Gia!

Heather
10 years ago

Classic moment last night on the castle date when Vienna kept saying “I can’t believe we’re in an ACTUAL castle!” ACTUALLY, Vienna, you’re in California, which is part of a country that has no royal family. But now that I think of it, that might be contrary to what her father taught her. Maybe she’s wondering what relative of hers lives there.

Alicia
Alicia
10 years ago

Obviously I am a Mommy….I was cringing when they jumped in the ocean with their clothes and shoes (and boots) on. Ugh! I’m all about spontaneity, but salt water and suede boots are not a good match. My vote is for Tenley…but of course – he’ll send her home eventually.

Tracy
Tracy
10 years ago

#0 Heather – Love it! “What relative of hers lives there?” So true…I hope Vienna doesn’t last much longer, but I am glad that we get to meet this rich daddy of hers. Maybe Jake will see what she is all about finally and dump her ugly butt!

Tracy
Tracy
10 years ago

Oops! Guess I should proof read…#9 Heather, not #0 🙂

Nojo
Nojo
10 years ago

“It’s not about sex appeal. It’s about heart appeal.”

Did he just call Vienna ugly? lmao

Jess
10 years ago

Heidi – I totally rewound the DVR when I thought I heard Ali call Jake her favorite flower. And sure enough she did. Ummm…what??

Alicia – I’m not even a mommy, but I was cringing about the boots too! Take your boots off Ali!!! Dumb!

I had actually become Team Corrie by the time the rose ceremony came around, but clearly that didn’t work out. Poor thing, she’s probably going to be afraid to share that with anyone else going forward! I guess I’m back to Team Tenley for lack of anyone better to pick!

Mo
Mo
10 years ago

Jake….if you want a baby go make one, don’t date one. Vienna bugs!! I am sure I wasn’t the only one totally annoyed by Vienna’s constant baby talk and her need for “Jake time”. After last night, I am sure she is officially useless. My coworker’s and I tried to come up with some positive adjectives to describe her. The best we could do was “blonde”. Ali definitely got a good edit last night. I thought they had chemistry since the first one on one they had. It was nice to see her focus on that and not Vienna. He… Read more »

Sunnybunny
Sunnybunny
10 years ago

Ok, so my boyfriend had great insight. He said Jake got all amped over Corrie’s V-card/”I like you” confession because he is a people pleaser and hates the idea of someone not liking him, but he seemed bored and not actually into her. I didn’t think they had chemistry but she’s super nice and cute. OMG Sausage. Really? Walking around moaning Jake’s name and jumping like you’re in a horror movie? Or should I say whore movie after that childish gesture where you climbed into his bed? What the what?!? And yes, someone please get that girl a brush and… Read more »

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