Bachelor Matt Recap: Peace and Harmony
Bachelor Matt Recap | Week 6 |
This show is, more often than not, a runaway train wreck. At other times, we have to sit through a hefty serving of “boring” before we get any drama.
And then, ABC tricks us. We lean into the theatrical antics of a random girl from Colton’s season showing up at the cocktail party, wearing all the leftover puka shell necklaces from Abercrombie’s summer of ‘96 collection, sewn onto a gossamer white gown, only to be brutally rebuffed from any juicy drama.
You got me again, Mike Fleiss. I’ll patiently wait until next week to truly enjoy Matt James sending Heather back home in her minivan. As long as you never make Our Host Chris Harrison pretend to be surprised by this person’s “sudden appearance” at the Neapolitan.
Come on, guys. You know he’s better at spontaneous, witty banter. Please don’t make him act.
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you follow on TikTok happens to know, sort of know personally, or is friends with the local Starbucks barista who’s obsessed with Bridgerton and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show — none of this is personal. I’m sure they are all lovely people.
When we last left MJ and Jessenia, they were seething, sitting across from one another, each on her own coral velvet couch. ABC blessed us with a bit more bickering, knowing that we would love to hear about the peace and harmony MJ brings to any situation.
Matt James enters the alcove tucked off of the main lobby, rolls his eyes, and asks Jessenia to join him around the corner. She rises, smoothes her royal blue jumpsuit, and follows obediently. Jessenia wastes no time explaining that MJ may not have been the bullying ringtail leader, but she definitely heckled Anna and Victoria on safely from the sidelines. Jessenia also claims that MJ was the creator of the Varsity versus JV moniker.
Meanwhile, MJ folds in on herself and collapses to the ground in a ball, crying as she manages to teeter on her four-inch heels. After she pulls herself together, she joins Matt James and reminds him that her heart is big, she leads by example, and she promotes peace and harmony. The fact that Jessenia would question her character is absurd.
MJ knows she’s being filmed at all times, right? Does she understand the premise of the show? ROLL THE TAPE!
MJ returns to the alcove, rejuvenated and ready to rumble. She declares to the camera that she is shifting into “bad b!tch” mode before lashing into Jessenia once again.
Isn’t that sweet? Look at MJ promoting peace and harmony.
Matt James walks in, picks up the rose, and compliments both girls on their connections. Then he tells MJ he can’t give her the rose. MJ remains in “bad b!tch” mode. Her black ‘80s power suit (no pants) does not disappoint at this moment. I thought she was going to tell her handler to “Hold my hoops,” but she remained stoic and stalked out of the resort.
There were no hugs. In fact, she didn’t say anything until she settled into the rejection SUV. Her biggest concern? How Jessenia managed to sabotage her, even though she clearly promotes peace and harmony.
Which would have been the names of their first two children, by the way.
Jessenia swaggers into the rose ceremony staging area, casually carrying a rose like it’s no big deal. I couldn’t tell if the remaining women were happy about MJ’s absence or indifferent. Either way, all were super excited to have time with Matt James at the party.
Except there is no party. Our Host breaks the news, and the women react sharply to this unfortunate turn of events. By the end of the night, two other newbies bite the dust. Brittany and Ryan are sent home, along with Magi. Ryan’s tears remain unstoppable. Someone is overtired.
And someone else is on the warpath. Serena C. blames Katie for the absence of a cocktail party before the rose ceremony, and she has no problem knocking on her hotel room door for a quick chat.
Here’s the gist: Serena C. thinks that Katie is somehow connected to each of the dramatic moments which have unfolded in the house so far. She, therefore, deduces that Katie is not there for the right reasons (right reasons).
Here’s the truth: Katie is definitely connected to each of the dramatic moments in the house but never calls anyone by name. She claims she tells Matt James about toxic situations, then lets him puzzle through the details himself. No one has been thrown under the bus.
Katie and Serena C. yell at each other, which doesn’t paint a pretty picture for either of them. There’s a ton of “not my story to tell” and “LET ME FINISH TALKING” before Serena C. bops downstairs to report on her findings. Moments later, Katie shows up to make sure Serena C. is not spreading rumors.
Guess what? She was spreading rumors.
“Tonight Will Be Worth the Wait”
Side Note: Is the ribbed turtleneck the new ubiquitous scarf and statement necklace?
Matt James takes Pieper deep into the woods. Instead of killing her with his bare hands, he tries to kill her with a Ferris Wheel erected in the middle of nowhere by a sketch carnie, out on parole, missing several teeth.
The potential of throwing up on one’s crush is always a fun way to play your own personal version of Russian Roulette. Good luck, Pieper!
The couple plays all the carnival games and later meet for dinner. Matt James tries to get Pieper to cry about how her family never displayed any emotions. He succeeds. Kindhearted, adorable Matt James tells Pieper they can “work on that together.” She smiles and tells him she’s falling in love. Matt James smiles and gives her a rose.
Notice, he did not reciprocate the sentiment as he did with Rachael.
Matt James escorts Pieper to Ballroom C, where Temecula Road is playing a private concert. Fresh out of quarantine, the trio harmonizes as Matt James and Pieper sway to the rhythm, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.
Matt James: “Hey Pieper?”
Matt James: “Who are these people?”
Pieper: “No clue. Kiss me!”
“This Lane Leads to Love”
Of course, the Neapolitan has a bowling alley. Without a doubt, this group date is going to be a competition. Naturally, all the women who are “tired of losing” will be on the losing team.
Spoiler alert: the pink team wins. The victory cocktail party is theirs! The losers must walk home in the rain. And not one person recreated the third-best song from Grease 2.
Of course, the losing team complains to the other girls in the house. Without a doubt, the winning team is stoked to get ample amounts of alone time with Matt James. Naturally, he sends a card to the house, inviting them to come to the after-party because he feels bad.
Oh Matt James. You irresistible, stupid, handsome man.
Needless to say, the winners are M-A-D. Yet, they can’t say anything because our bachelor invited the losers. And if we learned anything from Clare’s season, it’s that you do not question the one with the roses, lest you accidentally accuse them of not having a mind of their own.
We see snippets of all the women chatting up Matt James. Serena P. seems better when he assures her that she’s in this competition. Chelsey asks Matt James to “hold on a little while longer” while she figures out how to take down her walls. But it’s Michelle Obama Arms who walks away with the date rose.
I’m telling you, she’s one to watch.
Tyler C. is back, you guys, and he’s shirtless. All is right with the world.
When Katie was stuck with the “let’s prank my best bro” date, we should have known that she too holds a permanent residence in The Friend Zone. I have to say that Katie did a great job coaching the paid actress. Her suggestion of “nipple tweaking” and “mounting” had me rolling on the floor.
It’s too bad Katie didn’t get a chance to have a spa day herself. I assume Matt James was eager to get to dinner so he could rip that breakup Band-Aid.
Katie shares a few dating stories with Matt James. She reminds him that she is who she is and proud of it. She also wants someone playful. Someone who would rub oil all over his best friend’s muscled back.
Matt James picks up the date rose and holds it under Katie’s nose. He thanks her (uh-oh) for “setting the tone” (not good) in the house and appreciates (that’s bad) the experiences they’ve had together.
BUT…his relationships with other people have progressed, and he can’t give her the rose.
Instead he gives it to Tyler C.
Matt James arrives looking like 007 in a dashing tuxedo. He pulls Abigail first and asks her to hang in there. Next, he makes out with Bri (hello lipstick!) and visits with Serena P.
When he’s deep into a conversation with Pieper, Heather swishes into the room with her bright blue eyes and white hair. She asks Matt James if she can talk to him, and he takes a millisecond to register that this woman is not on his current roster.
Then he starts laughing. Heartily laughing. Repeating her name over and over.
He minds his manners, turns to Pieper, and asks for a few minutes alone with Elsa. I’m here to tell you that Matt James appears SMITTEN. They hug like old friends, yet she introduces herself as if they’ve never met. Curious.
Back in the lobby, Pieper shakes with rage. It’s contagious, and soon all the women ponder the same question:
Will Matt James allow this woman to waltz in halfway through their journey? Or will he send her back to Arendelle, where she belongs?
In the first scenario, Matt James will have ten angry women in the house. In the second scenario, he has a phone number if this all goes to hell in a handbasket three months from now.