Bachelor Nick Recap: Bump, hit, spike, choke?

Bachelor Nick Recap: Episode 6 —

Last night’s episode was B-O-R-I-N-G in my opinion. Yes, I understand it was a metaphorical blood bath when it came to cutting the competition IN HALF during one episode, but other than discovering that DD Danielle is known as D-Lo around the St. Thomas Marriott and poor Russia had a horrific childhood, I could barely concentrate due to the tears, the same conversation being repeated, and oh yeah — THE TEARS.

There was a moment after Nick left the girls at the end of the night that I thought, “Wouldn’t it be awesome if he just walked out the door and quit? Who needs this journey anymore?”

It’s too bad he sold his soul to Mike Fleiss a long time ago. Chin up, Nick!

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you Snap Chat happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the CrossFit trainer who was slightly disappointed but mostly pleased with the Gilmore Girls revival and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

You may remember that the last time we journeyed with Nick, Taylor was freshly smudged from a voodoo lady in the swamps of Louisiana and was marching through New Orleans so she could reveal the truth about Corinne’s manipulation. Unfortunately, her big intervention fell about as flat as Corinne’s extensions. You see, Nick didn’t care that Corinne had lied to him. He didn’t really care that Taylor’s integrity had been called into question. He just wasn’t that into her.

The end.

Nick kicks Taylor to the curb, again, and makes out with Corinne in front of a wall. There was no pressing against that wall, but we did see a new phenomenon known as leather panties. It was a sight to behold.

The ladies all arrive at a plantation via horse-drawn buggy, ready to plead their case to Nick during the cocktail party. Harrison arrives in a grayish blue suit that quite literally stole my breath away. I almost didn’t hear him announce that there would be no cocktail party. It’s straight to the rose ceremony for these “cold on the top half” girls. Everyone holds hands so their spiked heels don’t cause them to fall on the cobblestone path.

Along with Corinne, Nashville, and Rachel, roses are handed to:
Russia
Raven
Vanessa
DD Danielle (aka D-Lo)
Jasmine
Whitney

Nick says good-bye to Jo, Sholphin, and BALLS. I have to say, I was sad to see the Sholphin go. So were a lot of other people.

Nick announces that they are all heading to St. Thomas and grins as the girls squeal with delight. They all scramble to fill their suitcases with odd bikinis and denim panties. Nick opts for tight shorty shorts and equally tight man tanks.

The girls act like fools when they burst through the doors of their hotel room. They call dibs on the “good rooms” and then play paper, rock, scissors to see who will be stuck in the middle since they squish three to one bed. Then the girls rush to the balcony so they can wave at Nick who is passing by in a seaplane.

Raven: St. Thomas is the perfect place to fall in love. It’s also the perfect place to send people home.

Russia is chosen as the recipient of the coveted one-on-one date. Jasmine cries when they leave. She takes a quick glance at her “What Would Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Do?” bracelet and composes herself, knowing that there will be plenty time later to complain about this unfair turn of events.

Everyone is a bit on the depressed side, excluding Corinne who is determined to properly break in Lourna — Mike Fleiss’ brilliant introduction of the Caribbean version of Raquel. This sweet, grandma looking woman is forced to steam Corinne’s dresses, serve her lobster dip and piña coladas, while fluffing her towels poolside.

Compare this scene to Russia, who is currently sharing intimate details of her hard childhood. While Corrine ordered Raquel around as a kid, Russia struggled daily to eat. At one point, she tasted a lipstick and was banished from her house because her mother had specifically warned her NOT to eat anything while she was gone.

Russia was five-years-old. She was sent to an orphanage and immediately considered all the kids her family. You can imagine how hard it was to be adopted at the age of twelve. But she had to take a chance. “If you stay in Russia, life is black-and-white. If you move to America, life will be in color.”

Nick and I got a little teary. It’s hard to believe this girl is 24-years-old. I’m glad he gave her a rose and I’m glad she got to dance in a gazebo with a bunch of sweet women singing to her with steel drums playing as their soundtrack.

Full disclosure: I don’t see her making it to the hometown dates.

GROUP DATE
Love’s a Beach
Rachel
Raven
Vanessa
Corinne
Nashville
Jasmine

Nick, in the jams I wore in junior high, invites the ladies to join him on a catamaran. They pass a pirate ship and I am all, “YES! A GOONIES DATE!”

Alas, there was no One-Eyed Willy or Sloth. Instead, the ABC Intern drug out some corn hole boards and a lone volleyball. The booze flowed freely, and by the time the fourth hour rolled around, all participants were drunk, tired, and on edge.

Vanessa is competitive and a little irritated that she’s on the bad team. Rachel continues to prove that she’s wise by remaining quiet. Raven is too distracted by the fact that she chose to wear a swimsuit bottom that looks like a diaper. Nashville is fighting hurt feelings. Jasmine is angry that she hasn’t had any alone time with Nick. And Corinne is drunk/tired. They all take to the sea to work out their feelings. Many cry.

Nick pontificates that this day was supposed to be fun, but turned out to be more intense than he had planned. That night, he decides to take each one off for some alone time so he can get to the bottom of what’s going on.

I’ll tell you what’s going on. They are all emotionally drained and a scooch crazy.

Rachel admits that group dates aren’t her thing. Nick understands, but you can tell that he is also a bit annoyed at this point. He has to have group dates. And girls have to understand that this is part of the game. Rachel reminds him that she is on the brink of walking but she’s staying because she’s in this.

Meanwhile, Jasmine teeters on the brink of an emotional breakdown. Everyone stares in silence as she drones on and on and on about how she hasn’t received a date rose or any one-on-one time. The silence should be perceived as a big fat “get a clue” moment, but Jasmine is too fabulous to think that about herself. HOW DARE HE OVERLOOK HER!

Nick walks up to ask Raven if she wants to talk. I want to ask Raven how she thought through the decision to wear a chartreuse romper AND matching sheer waistcoat, but the moment passed. Jasmine’s slow boil turns into full-on rage when Nick finally asks her to talk.

She’s confused. She thinks this entire ordeal sucks. She thinks their conversations have been great, but she needs more from him. She wants to sit him down and tell him all the wonderful things he’s missing when he rebuffs her advances. In fact, she wants to choke him.

As in really choke him. She tries to turn it a little sexual when she picks up on his “this woman may boil my bunny” facial expression. But that doesn’t stop her from laughing like a maniac and going for his neck. Nick smiles his most obvious fake smile and tells her that he in no way is into what she’s putting down. In fact, it might be best if they go ahead and end their time together.

Jasmine cries in the rejection SUV. Then there was a Fifty Shades of Grey Part 2 movie trailer. Coincidence? I think not.

TWO-ON-ONE DATE
D-Lo
Whitney

This wasn’t hard to predict. When you have to wear a “W” necklace to remind people who you are (read: NOT Astrid), it’s pretty clear that our bachelor is going to send you home at the end of the night. Sorry Whit.

Nick takes both girls in a helicopter to a remote island. Nick thinks Whitney has a sweet disposition and a calming personality. However, he can’t always remember her name, so he’s going to take D-Lo back in the helicopter and leave Whitney stranded on the island. If she stays long enough, she can be apart of the Bachelor in Paradise cast. Good? Bye!!

Whitney’s blue, calming mood ring turns a murky brown as she starts to cry. It was a mixture of real tears and sand from the helicopter propellers.

It didn’t occur to me at the time that by NOT giving the rose to Whitney, that didn’t necessarily mean D-Lo DID get the rose. I assumed she was in the entire time she prattled on about how perfect they were for each other and how she might maybe may be falling in love with him. When he asked D-Lo what two words (excluding communicative and honest) she needed in a relationship, D-Lo answered love and trust.

Nick sighs and tells her he needs someone who is adventurous and raw. She’s too vanilla for him and he can’t stand stringing her along since she’s totally in love with him, like, for real. He waves the long-stemmed rose in front of her face a few times and then tells her that he doesn’t feel the same way.

He calls for an Uber and then sends D-Lo back to her block, where she used to have a little, but now she has a lot.

Nick meanders over to the remaining six girls to basically tell them that he doesn’t know if this is going to work. He cries big crocodile tears, explaining that he just sent D-Lo home, which is so weird, because she had lots of potential. Now he’s worried that his heart isn’t cut out for this. He wants a wife, but he’s terrified it’s just not going to happen. That’s code for, STEP IT UP, LADIES!

According to the coming attractions, Corinne takes this as a personal challenge. Her “sex abilities are top notch.” Just ask her platinum vagine.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Where you surprised D-Lo went home? Do you think any of the girls could be Nick’s future wife? Are his tears real or just a product of being overtired? Sound off in the comments section!

Comments

137 Comments on "Bachelor Nick Recap: Bump, hit, spike, choke?"

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Mare
Mare

great recap, as always….can you hear the dolphin’s cry…classic….and WWDCCLD? awesome….missed a jump and straddle (tm pending) reference….your recap was the best part of the entire show. WORST BACHELOR EVER!

Scoobi Snaxx
Scoobi Snaxx

Yeahhhhh, it’s been pretty obvious from the beginning that there was no meat to Nick’s relationship with Danielle/D-Lo. Nice to look at, but a tad vapid. I get what he means by wanting someone “raw.” Same situation with Jennifer from Paradise. Beautiful woman and very nice/smart, but nothing that seemed to challenge Nick. Guy seems to want a challenge.

ejs
ejs

This, exactly. I can see him with Rachel or Vanessa because they are more his intellectual equal (not that the other girls aren’t smart). Rachel seems to really understand him, at least from the clips. Maybe Corinne appeals to him partly because she doesn’t let him overthink things (and that’s his weakness). Kristina–wishing so many good things for her in life! Rachel is awesome. She would be a great Bachelorette if she doesn’t end up with Nick (and he’d be lucky if she did).

sincethebeginning
sincethebeginning

I miss Ben! Ben was so good at keeping the lady’s “crazy” in check. Somehow, Nick is bringing it out in them…
My fave:
He calls for an Uber and then sends D-Lo back to her block, where she used to have a little, but now she has a lot.

tracee
tracee

Agreed about Ben. He could talk them down.
Nick’s got no game ….he just stares with his mouth open

SquirrelGirl

I miss the “be the best version of yourself” Nick from BIP. Current Nick is content to be the conductor on this train wreck.

Rosa
Rosa

“scooch crazy” – I may use that one!

I cried when Russia told Nick her story. Made me want to go adopt a child!!

Never saw it with Danielle. She is beautiful but I didn’t see the connection. So far I don’t see a real “Andi or Kaitlyn” connection w/ anyone? p.s. I have been checking for this post every 5 minutes.

sincethebeginning
sincethebeginning

I cried like a baby…unfortunately she is so much deeper than anything this show can compare to. I just saw Lion this weekend and I wonder if her feelings about her sister are similar to the ones he has for his brother. She made it seem like there may have been animosity there, but I wonder how much of it she buries to survive. It was so sad…

I <3 Kristina.

Babs
Babs

OMG, Russia’s back story was tragic. What got me was when she was told how bleak her future would likely be if she stayed in Russia since the boot you out at 16 ! SIXTEEN!!! , and so many girls resort to prostitution to survive

Linda Marie Beitler
Linda Marie Beitler

Instead of thinking, “she just told me this story- I have to give her a rose,” I wanted him to say, “I’m so sorry you went through this terrible experience. Alas, I don’t have the necessary depth, or psychological knowledge and fortitude to help you overcome this trauma in your life, so I’m going to send you home.” But if they said things like that it wouldn’t be The Bachelor, now would it…

Liz Ostler
Liz Ostler

Right?!

Karen
Karen

Best line…He calls for an Uber and then sends D-Lo back to her block, where she used to have a little, but now she has a lot.

loladora
loladora

My 76 year old mother said last night “This show is getting so boring, can we switch to basketball?” She also said about the 2 on 1 date: “These girls are NOT popular, I don’t even know who they are” LOL

DeeDee
DeeDee

Your mom is kind of awesome!! Too funny.

Jen

This is hilarious!! Go mom!

A in Spain

Is this going to be like the farmer´s season, where they don´t even leave the country because someone has visa issues? That sucks for the ladies eager for some international travel! I bet they end up in Alaska. The end episode teasers look cold.

George
George

Maybe part of the problem is that he’s 36 years old and most of the women are in their early 20’s!!!!

tracee
tracee

and why is he a Catch???? Does he work???

Tina
Tina

I agree!!! It was boring!!! Corinne HAS TO GO SOON! I was really surprised D-Lo went home. I thought he really liked her. I think he’s into Danielle, but who knows. She hasn’t had much air time. Absolutely Hilarious – “He calls for an Uber and then sends D-Lo back to her block, where she used to have a little, but now she has a lot”.

Alyce
Alyce

The post-episode discussion for my watch party focused on coming up with nicknames for each other since all the girls on the show seem to have them.

We predicted D-Lo’s departure as soon as the 2-on-1 was announced because of the quote in last week’s preview saying “we didn’t expect two to go home.” At the time we thought it could mean Corinne was going home, but we quickly realized it meant doom for Whit and D-Lo. It made all of D-Lo’s proclamations about their connection so so awkward. We kept telling her to shut up.

Paul
Paul

Nick…I don’t know. I thought I liked him. But now? He’s looking for someone…raw? What the heck does that mean? What is he, 36? 37? I cannot relate to him. He acts like he’s still in college. Would any of these women give him the time of day in the real world? I see someone like Kristina, or even Vanessa. What amazing life partners either one of them would be. How could any real man in his right mind be more interested in Corrine than these two? Maybe he’s not, maybe she’s just a producer’s choice, time will tell. But he’s starting to remind me of Jake Pavelka. Bad episode for Nick overall.

sincethebeginning
sincethebeginning

Yes!!! Very Jake! And Jake ended up with Vienna–the Villain at the time.
Very Jake-y.

Babs
Babs

And we all saw how long that relationship lasted!

ejs
ejs

I think that “raw” comment might have been because he had just had an intense conversation with Kristina about her life in Russia, and so she was on his mind. Last week, he seemed awkward/not into the women at the group date at the “haunted” house, and it was after the date with Rachel that had gone really well. I think he’s thinking about some of these other relationships when he’s on other dates, and that’s where the “raw” statement might have come from. I’m guessing Corrine is just about the fun and not having to think about things with her.

Robert

Why would any of them want him? Of course most of them were born when he was in college so that would explain why he can’t communicate with him…..The winner is………the last girl sent home…

Lindsay
Lindsay

I thought the exact same thing watching this episode… most of these women wouldn’t give him a second glance in the real world! I’m waiting for one of them to scream that at him as they leave

Macedonian Hussy
Macedonian Hussy

Kristina and Vanessa are too good, too smart for him. In Rachel he might have met his match BUT I want her to be the next Bachelorette–she’d put dudes through their paces. Maybe Raven, she’s feisty, can skate, and that hair is not fake. Corinne? Well, he’d have to put up with her nanny and her “million dollar business.”

MinnesotaNice
MinnesotaNice

Frankly, that “million dollar business” has got to be better than that Gentleman’s dapper dan dime-a-dozen stuff he’ll be shilling as soon as the season is over.

Laura
Laura

I really think he used the words “adventure” and “raw” to make a point in response to DLo’s answer. I rolled my eyes when she said “love and trust”. I mean… obviously? Aren’t those just the minimum bar to meet in order to be in a relationship at all? I think he was trying to convey that he needs a connection that is passionate and someone that is interesting, where the chemistry is very strong. I think Rachel and Vanessa are the only two girls who seem to demonstrate that they’re meeting that bar.

I get the impression that he also really wants someone adventurous in bed who is not afraid of their sexuality, and I think that is the only reason he’s keeping Corinne around, but I also kinda think she’s a producer plant and he just finds her entertaining. Don’t think he’s really taking her too seriously. Who could possibly take her seriously?!

Kelli
Kelli

I was heartbroken that Sholphin went home! I LOVED her! And she kept this season entertaining for me. I think part of the problem is that Nick really doesn’t know what he wants. When he had one woman (on both the Bachelorette seasons and BIP), he had something to focus on. When he’s got 25 women or whatever we’re down to now, he’s got ADD. The beach volleyball game was actually funny to me because the women were just as unfocused as Nick and he just stood there and watched, there was no interaction. How could Ben’s swimming pig date have been better than this?

I have to give the favorite line of the night to Corinne when she said “I’m going to go to sleep” at the volleyball game. Y’all–she’s actually playing this well. While the other girls are whining about Nick not pursuing them (have they NOT seen this show?), Corinne goes right after him with her platinum vagine and when she doesn’t want to–she goes and takes a nap. It’s brilliant, actually.

Anita
Anita

Yeah, I agree. I used to be a “producer pick” Screamer, but now? After last night? I see it. I see why he’s keeping her. I call it the “delilah syndrome” She’s bad news, but she’s relaxing and fun and someone you don’t have to think so hard to be around. I see why he’s keeping her. If the previews are correct (and knowing this show, They probably ain’t), Corrinne is the ONLY ONE to GO AFTER Nick when he was emotionally distraught. That girl ain’t as stupid as we assumed. She’s playing the game and playing it well. When she shuts her trap and give the audience a chance to “see” her, I got to like her and respect her gameplay. She won’t win, and this will destroy her credibility in real life, not to mention what it’s gonna do for the multi-million dollar company, but I admire her game play.

sara
sara

I agree. I don’t think Corinne is stupid at all. Immature=yes. But not stupid. She’s doing her thing and, as much as you and I may not like it, you can’t really fault her for it. She likes the guy so she goes after him. I don’t think girls like Vanessa or Rachel are used to chasing a guy. To be honest, I could see either one of them walking away from this and doing just fine. I think Nick feels that he’s not being chased by the girls he’s actually interested in, hence the whole “I’m not sure it the process will work for me” bit. He keeps Corinne around because she’s fun and she’s showing interest.

Carey
Carey

Agreed! I think you hit the nail on the head with, “I think Nick feels that he’s not being chased by the girls he’s actually interested in, hence the whole”I’m not sure if the process will work for me” bit.

Shannon
Shannon

These girls never learn. Nick has a definite pattern. Has anyone noticed that as soon as a girl confronts Nick about not having enough time with him, or not having a one and one date, they are gone, (I’m looking at you Liz and Jasmine)? He immediately tells them…time to go. Bye.

truth
truth

that and when they were fake IMO and said they were crazy about him/falling for him, good chance they would be going home

Heather
Heather

I am only watching this season so that I can fully enjoy your recaps. I really like Nick on BIP, but this season is a snooze fest. Hopefully it perks up soon!

Karen
Karen

I almost peed my pants! “He calls for an Uber and then sends D-Lo back to her block, where she used to have a little, but now she has a lot.” You are just too damn funny!

Too many tears, too much Corinne, Nick is boring, the show is boring…but I LOVE your recaps! Yay for Tuesdays!

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