Bachelor Nick Recap: Nick Who? Meet the New Bachelorette

Bachelor Nick Recap Episode 7 —

In an episode that accurately depicted the definition of what it means to talk in circles, we certain do have a lot to discuss. Rachel is the new bachelorette. Corinne is in the top four. Raven insists on wearing lingerie at cocktail parties and Nick insists on wearing shorts from the juniors section.

Let’s dive right in and get to the bottom of this stuff…

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you Snap Chat happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the CrossFit trainer who was slightly disappointed but mostly pleased with the Gilmore Girls revival and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

Our Host Chris Harrison
I’m so glad Harrison decided to have is Jedi training session with Nick under the protective shade of a palm tree because Our Host and our bachelor are looking a little crispy. Chris is still dapper, though. He smelled of aloe vera, sea spray, and adventure. If anyone can pull off a sunburn, it’s this guy.

Dressed in a denim chambray shirt and rolled up pants, Harrison listens as Nick processes through all his feelings. He nods, silently counting down the minutes until he can return to his limo where Jay Z, Beyoncé, Blue, and the twins are patiently waiting to party in St. Thomas post-Grammy-style.

Harrison finally gives him an out: Are you ready to walk away from all of this? Nick ponders for a moment. That’s when I notice just how tight his shorts are. Nick loves a man thigh about as much as he loves a skinny jean. The background music changes to an ominous tune as Nick walks in to find the remaining six girls huddled together in a nervous ball. Vanessa holds Nashville. Russia holds Rachel. Raven holds a stiletto and Corinne holds her own hair.

What is happening?

Nick
The girls are about to lose their minds. Will Nick send them all home and stay in St. Thomas until it’s time to film the next Paradise? Are those tears? Was ABC mistaken when they said fourth time’s a charm?

Nick gives them a sad song about sending D-Lo home to the block and how hard that was because he did have feelings, but he just wasn’t all the way there in his heart. And now he’s scared that it will never happen. The girls collectively exhale when he says that he doesn’t want to think about it anymore and would rather skip the rose ceremony all together.

Pack your denim panties, cold shoulder rompers, and barely there swimsuits, ladies. We’re going to Bimini!

The camera is quick to cut away from the girls’ reactions because their facial expressions were probably the same as mine. Which was something along the lines of this:

What? Gif

Thank you ABC Graphics Department, for creating one of those darling cartoon maps to help us envision where Bimini is located. It’s a darling island just a quick jet ski away from Miami Beach. Party time!

Vanessa
Vanessa breaks out into a huge smile when she gets the first one-on-one. All of that previous hugging, sisterhood, traveling pants business is thrown out the window. Most of the girls are visibly disappointed, except Corinne, who chooses to audibly tell Vanessa how she feels. She thinks Vanessa is a b*tch. Somehow, Vanessa refrains from rolling her eyes or punching Corinne in the collagen.

Nick meets Vanessa by the water. After a quick Jump and Straddle (trademark pending), they discuss the shaky days in St. Thomas. Vanessa wants Nick to know that she feels they have taken a step back. Nick reminds her that this is how the game is played. Then he asks the ABC Intern to give dramamine patch because they are about to go on a boat and he doesn’t really feel like kissing Vanessa again after she has puked.

Vanessa reminds Nick that she saw his REAL vulnerable tears on their first date. His tears in St. Thomas were scary. She knew she was coming on this show FOR HIM. She understands that it may not click with any of the girls, but she isn’t going anywhere. Nick rewards her honesty with a jaunt around a shipwrecked boat.

I prayed for pigs. There were no pigs.

They snorkel around for a while before Nick approaches her underwater for a quick kiss. I’m certain water went up Vanessa’s nose or she nearly died of asphyxiation. Either way, it was a good day and to my knowledge, no one has to get a tetanus shot.

Vanessa wears an infinity scarf as a dress to dinner with Nick that night. They talk about hometowns, feeling all the feels, and how Vanessa is falling in love with Nick. There is a pause that was longer than Nick’s shorts. Then he opened up about how he’s “been in this environment before” and how he doesn’t want to say “I love you” to more than one person.

I understand and appreciate this train of thought. Vanessa does not.

She is upset that they aren’t on the same page. It was not the answer she expected. It confused her. She’s afraid she’s going to end up like Nick. I assume she means from his first season, because she’s got a way to go if she’s going to catch up with him in his current status.

Raven
Raven announces that she, Corinne, and Russia are all going on a group date. Corrine does Corinne and decides to pretend Raven and Russia do not exist. She begins stripping off her clothes in front of Nick (and the other two girls) looking like a model from a music video by Poison. She may have uttered the phrase, “TA-DA!” before proclaiming she’s a master boater and looks great on a yacht.

I wish I could accurately describe Corinne’s facial expression when Nick began rubbing sunscreen on Russia. He gets all up on Russia’s thigh while Corinne pounds champagne to cope and Raven tries to reach the hard places on her back with her own bottle of sunscreen.

Nick announces that they are going to “explore some wildlife.

I prayed for pigs. There were no pigs.

But there will be sharks.

Corinne asks if they are toothless?

Bachelor Nick

Nick flashes his yellow rubber Live Strong bracelet. Corinne flashes her red string kabbalah one.

Let’s do this.

The sweet ABC Intern is forced to swim down and place some chum on the coral to attract all the sharks within a file-mile radius. Russia is scared. Corinne is tired. Raven is ready.

The foursome bob around in the open water. The boat people take bets to see if any of the waivers will have to be used in an emergency ABC press conference later. Russia buys a clue and scrambles back to the boat. This woman has eaten lipstick. She doesn’t need to prove anything. Nick joins her to “check and see if she’s okay.” What a handy excuse!

Corinne swims around, irritated that Nick made her ruin her weave for this. Raven is nowhere to be seen. She’s probably punching a shark as we speak.

That’s so Raven.

That night, Nick visits with each of the girls to talk about hometown dates. He cries a few times.

That’s so Nick.

Raven discusses her daddy and her brother with Nick, warning him that her family is going to have a lot of questions. I was distracted by their conversation because I couldn’t help but wonder why Raven was wearing a negligee?

I would say that prime time is NOT READY for this dress, but Nick sure is and he proves it by giving Raven the date rose. He takes her to dance on the beach while the Bimini version of the Jonas Brothers serenaded our couple and some random locals.

Nashville
Nashville gets the second one-on-one date. She wears high top Converse, British denim panties, and plain white tee. They play some basketball with street kids and then relax with a beer wrapped in a banana leaf koozie.

That’s so Bimini.

Nick scratches Nashville’s thigh as they discuss hometown dates in Wisconsin. Nick admits to the camera that he doesn’t have natural chemistry with Nash. He says she’s sweet and her face is “pretty great.” She says her heart is open and she’s ready to fall in love again. Nick nips this moment in the bud and tells her he doesn’t see a future with her. The right thing to say is good-bye.

Nashville’s “love” face is the same as her “sad” face. She goes back inside the beach house to pack her things. Her mood ring is blue, which I assume means that she’s sad. Tears confirm that emotion later when she wishes the other girls good luck in their journey.

Corinne
Corinne has never had a one-on-one and has reached panic mode. She wants to prove to Nick that she is worth that hometown rose. The world NEEDS to see Raquel in her natural habitat. She and her Louboutins will not take this lying down.

Figuratively. Not literally. See below.

Corrine asks the ABC Intern who points her to a producer who she promises to Instagram a picture of his niece who is an up and coming musical artist in exchange for Nick’s hotel room number. She “turns on the sex charm” and wriggles into a modern-day version of Sandy’s “You’re The One That I Want” black spandex outfit. Her hair is down. Then it’s up. It’s down again, and she knocks on his door.

Nick invites her in for a nightcap. She invites herself into his room, shuts the door, and turns up the microphone volume. Porno music begins to play as Corinne gives several instructions for their upcoming horizontal tango.

Then something weird happens. Nick stops her. Although tempting, he doesn’t think this is a good idea. Corinne is flabbergasted. She has never experienced this before.

Her vagine has been va-jected.

Rachel
Rachel gets the last one-on-one and is excited to have a chill day at the bar with Nick and the Bimini bartender who is giving Jorge a run for his money. Nick brings up hometowns again. Rachel reminds him that her daddy is a federal judge, but it doesn’t matter that he’s a white dude. Her family is a Benetton ad. They make out on the pier for a while before she heads back.

As most of you probably know, Rachel is the new bachelorette. It was an official announcement on Jimmy Kimmel LIVE, but it was leaked hours before the show aired. I’m not going to speculate why it was leaked, because I imagine Reality Biff had something to do with that. The real question is: Why did Mike Fleiss decide to broadcast this major spoiler before the end of the season?

My radio friend Murphy has a theory: He thinks that Corinne probably wins and ABC needs to get people excited about the new season because this one is not going they way they had planned.

Another theory is that she needs the social media followers. If they announce her early, we can all get on board the Rachel train.

A final theory is that people who may not normally watch the show (or have have abandoned Nick’s season) will tune back in to see Rachel in action.

REMEMBER: THIS IS A SPOILER-FREE ZONE.

With that said, what do you think?

Russia
Nick tells Harrison that he doesn’t want to put the ladies through a rose ceremony. He wants to send a girl home right now. He walks into the beach house and Corinne recoils, muttering, “No, no, no, no, no.” Then he asks for Mother Russia.

Nick talks in circles, telling Russia that he has love for her, but there is no love, love. It’s close, but no cigar. Russia doesn’t back down. She knows she didn’t get a fair chance. Nick says that this honesty is about as fair as it gets. Then he tells her she deserves someone who isn’t sitting in front of her saying that there are stronger relationships in the house.

Russia tells him that she has a lot to offer and it could have been him. PS: He’s let her her down. Nick begins to weep. She lets him stew in his salty juices for a bit before explaining that she’s happy to know that he’s finding love. Even though they are no longer comrades, she hugs him good-bye and he does this:

Bachelor Nick

Thanks Jess for the screen cap of a perfect Half-Mesnick.

Everyone in the house loses it over Russia’s dismissal. Vanessa hyperventilates. Raven strokes Russia’s back because she’s safe with a rose in her hand. And Corinne considers once again if this guy doesn’t take platinum cards?

What did you think of the episode? Are you excited Rachel is the next bachelorette? Will Corinne make Raquel fix Nick some cheesy pasta? Does Raven have a shot? Sound off in the comments section!

Photo By: ABC.com

Comments

197 Comments on "Bachelor Nick Recap: Nick Who? Meet the New Bachelorette"

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Alyce
Alyce

I say they announced Rachel as the Bachelorette because they know this season is BORING and people are losing interest. Now maybe they’ll watch the rest of this season to get to know Rachel a little better in preparation.

Also, Vanessa was not on camera between the end of her date and the day of the rose ceremony. She wasn’t there. I was looking for her. Where the heck was she? Why was she so MIA for every conversation? Every. single. one. No Vanessa. Am I the only one who noticed this?

Finally, I totally respect Nick for sending Russia home. I think he lokes and respects her more than some of the girls he has left and isn’t willing to put her through additional trauma. She’s eaten lipstick, for heaven’s sake. She’s been through enough.

Patty
Patty

Yes, I noticed Vanessa was MIA also, and thought it so weird. Also, from the previews next week I think he might take Raven’s rose back. On Chris Harrison’s blog today he mentions that they are going to Hoxie…or are they. I like Raven, and don’t think she would make it to final 2, but if he takes his rose back I’m going to be so mad! I think half of the things Nick is doing this season is just to stir things up. I liked him again after BIP, but this Nick is starting to remind me of the Nick that was on the Bachelorette seasons.

Kelly
Kelly

Same here, I was never a Nick fan until BIP but he’s back to the way he was before.

Daisygirl
Daisygirl

I absolutely agree. I had started to like him in BIP–he seemed to show some depth and insight. That Nick seems to be long gone and we are back to the babbling, no eye contact making guy who slurs his words and cries on the drop of a hat instead of really having anything of real interest to say or do.

Nelle

Is there a way to stream his BIP season? I can’t find it. I would kind of like to like this guy because he just seems lame. Aside from him with Rachel he seems lame. I can’t believe it isn’t Rachel. Boo. She was my final rose pick in my bracket. 🙁 Boo.

Scott
Scott

I agree with you regarding Nick.

baseballmama
baseballmama

I was backing it up searching for Vanessa. it was so weird.

Kelly
Kelly

Agreed, Vanessa was totally MIA!

Jennifer Don
Jennifer Don

Maybe Vanessa inhaled too much salt water on her date and was recuperating. It was weird that she wasn’t there. I also wish he would have given Nashville a similar speech to the one he gave to Russia…you had to feel bad for the girl!

Kay
Kay

I’m wondering if she didn’t get along with the other girls left in the house, but they gave her an ok edit so that it wouldn’t detract from Corinne’s storyline?

I get this vague condescending vibe from her.

Claudia
Claudia

This! (according to Reality Steve anyway)

Ann
Ann

Ditto! I thought exactly the same things: most boring season in Bachelor history and where was Vanessa?

Amye
Amye

Yep, I noticed Vanessa was missing as well! Weird!

Anon
Anon

“Her vagine has been va-jected.”

CLASSIC.

Kari K
Kari K

Best line. Hilarious a

Gondawatchsummore
Gondawatchsummore

Need a Like button

Vicki
Vicki

I think I might have snorted coffee out my nose on that one.

amanda
amanda

This one has my vote as well.

Jude

BEST. LINE. EVER!!!

Kris
Kris

Yes, it was. Absolutely Lincee’s best line ever! And there are so many!

And, has ABC not issued a press release about why on earth they would announce Rachel now? Inquiring minds want to know. Lincee, do you have a way to find out?

Pat
Pat

Well Done Lincee!

Kelli
Kelli

You’re killing me with “where are the pigs?” Seriously–this season is that lame that we want the swimming pigs? Yes, yes, it is.

I howled at the vagine rejection. For someone who says they are so insecure, that had to hurt.

I am super pissed that the new Bachelorette was revealed though. You might be right that it is too distract those of us who will be rolling our eyes in unison if Corinne wins.

white
white

im also mad they prematurely revealed! UGGH

Addy

These reviews are literally the only thing I like about this season. Man I don’t like Nick! I don’t even care who he ends up with, except I seriously can’t stand Corinne so I hope it’s not her! I love Lincee!

Tobi
Tobi

I always LOVE your recaps but I especially like the parts when you talk about Harrison. I mean after all, he is what keeps me coming back season after season.

Macedonian Hussy
Macedonian Hussy

Yes, Tobi… AND, Lincee, he was dreamy. I have been watching him on TV ever since he was in Designer Challenge on HGTV.

Babs
Babs

I loved him on designers challenge too! I miss some of the old HGTV shows , designers challenge and designing for the sexes.

Kay
Kay

I’m so mad he sent Kristina home. I wanted to see my hometown on The Bachelor!

I’m spoiler free this season but I wouldn’t be surprised if he picked Corinne. They’d be a good match. I actually kinda like her despite the “villain” thing and how spoiled she is. She’s funny and entertaining. Her interview with Ellen was also pretty endearing.

There’s something about Vanessa I just don’t like, I can’t put my finger on it. I just get this weird vibe from her. Something about her reminds me of Taylor, who I couldn’t stand.

Poor Nashville. There didn’t seem to be any chemistry between them. But I hope she realizes now she’s WAY out of Nick’s league. He’d never get a girl like her without The Bachelor.

I was hoping for Raven as bachelorette. but I love Rachel, I’m really excited for her! She’s a lot more interesting than Jojo.

This year’s Bachelor in Paradise will be awesome. Nick’s girls are the coolest cast we’ve had since Juan Pablo’s season.

Allia
Allia

I also can’t put my finger on Vanessa. I can’t help but feel like we’re not seeing a lot of her less-than-flattering qualities. She was missing for half of the episode, which makes me wonder…
I really liked Kristina, but I think she’s too good for Nick frankly. I think Corinne is OK, but not really marriage material. She’s young and having her fun. I like Raven as well, but I think she’s been friend-zoned. I actually thought that Nick might go for Rachel in the end… TOTALLY his loss that he didn’t. She’ll be a great bachelorette though. I hope they come up with a good cast for her.
At this point, Vanessa looks like the only candidate for “the win”, but I don’t know how much Nick is really into her. I’m not so sure that he’s going to propose. I think Fleiss threw in the towel for this season and decided to focus his efforts on the next bachelorette.
Fav line “that’s so Raven” 🙂

Lindsay
Lindsay

I agree 100% about somehow liking Corinne a little and something about Vanessa rubbing me the wrong way. Glad to know I’m not the only one!

Abbey
Abbey

I kind of like Corrine (against my will) because she is the only one who eats! I love that!

truth
truth

how endearing! she probably poop poop poop!s too

Diane
Diane

I think they announced Rachel early so that people dont start asking for Raven to be the new bachelorette and they lose their opportunity for having a black bachelorette.

Gondawatchsummore
Gondawatchsummore

Totally agree

abby
abby

good thought.

Kelly
Kelly

My exact thoughts!! To prevent too much fan support of someone else. I think Rachel is perfect, though!

Alison
Alison

Good call, I bet you are right – the last thing they want is a groundswell of support for Raven, they need Rachel to be a popular bachelorette, and people do like her.

Anita
Anita

Totally agree. And I do believe it was already happening.

Gabrielle
Gabrielle

Great recap! I wait anxiously for this every Tuesday, the only reason I keep watching this boring season! My question is where the heck was Vanessa for the second half of the show?? When they are all sitting around the house lamenting, is she napping? I even had to ask my husband if I missed her being sent home. Also, Russia totally deserves someone deeper so she’s better off. Nick isn’t ready!

Rain
Rain

Seriously, what is the deal with the shorty shorts? I’m not diggin his style. All that’s missing is a man bun.

I, too, noticed that Vanessa was MIA after her date. It was especially weird that she didn’t appear to be around when Danielle got sent home, since the two of them seemed close. Weird.

Jane
Jane

Maybe she was only close with Danielle and not the other girls. I honestly wish the house had more screen time than the dates. I think the dynamics are different than the show is portraying. Corinne seems to actually get along just fine with everyone besides Vanessa.

Karen
Karen

I was thrown off by the fact that for someone so wealthy who runs her own “multi-milion dollar company” (ahem, Daddy’s company), she sure can’t walk in those Louboutins. BTW, I don’t think RS knew it was going to be Rachel either…I read that site every once in a while. I agree with Alyce, I think it’s because this season is BORING, and it is weird that Vanessa is MIA. Surely she’s not just missing like Corinne and taking naps, ha!

A in Spain

I noticed that too! I guess she doesn´t wear heels a lot. Maybe she works from here patio with Raquel and her cucumber slices!

Tanya T.
Tanya T.

I totally thought the same thing. She looked like the girls at my son’s middle school dance who were wearing their mom’s shoes….

Janet
Janet

Corinne, honey,
you need to practice a bit more in those heels. There was nothing sexy about that walk and it make the walk of shame even more pathetic.

Patrick
Patrick

There’s nothing less attractive than a woman who can’t walk in heels and has no idea.

Lee
Lee

This recap is just so Lincee!

I was never struck on Nick as the Bachelor, and he’s pretty much met my expectations. When they announced Nick for the next Bachelor before BiP was over, it was because they said they wanted to extend the application period for anyone who might be interested in Nick specifically. Could that be the reason again, as they must be going to start filming Bachelorette soon. I think Rachel will make an excellent Bachelorette. She’s smart and personable, and not afraid to speak her mind.

Karen
Karen

This is another good theory!

Linda Marie
Linda Marie

That’s a good theory! She actually gave a plug on Jimmy Kimmel for people to apply.

Susan
Susan

This is what I was thinking. Right or wrong, there are a lot of guys who might not be interested in dating a black bachelorette (moreso than, for example, guys who aren’t into brunettes or something like that). If the producers give themselves more time, they can make sure to find 25 guys who aren’t going to come on the show, find out who the bachelorette is, and then not be interested because they “aren’t into black girls.”

I’m excited for Rachel, though–she’s a breath of fresh air compared to some of the previous bachelorettes.

alyce
alyce

But I also think that there are a lot of guys who wouldn’t necessarily apply because they think it’s just another white girl. Now that they know it’s Rachel, maybe some guys will apply for the show who wouldn’t have before.

Debby Baugher
Debby Baugher

That is why I think they announced early. Rachel is an awesome choice & i hope we see a different crop of guys who would not normally think of coming on this show at all. It;’s time…..

Mary
Mary

I agree. I think they are trying to get guys on board specifically for Rachel. I think she’s great. Looking forward to her season. (She’s way less vapid than previous ‘ettes.)

Kathleen
Kathleen

Another “spot on” recap, Lincee! I thought I had selected my favorite line: “There is a pause that was longer than Nick’s shorts” (from his one-on-one date with Vanessa)…that is, until this gem:

“Her vagine has been va-jected.”

Pure gold – or should I say platinum!

Kathleen

P.S. Excited about Rachel as the new Bachelorette : )

Gondawatchsummore
Gondawatchsummore

Yawn. Yet we watch to read to watch again. I wonder what’s up with the locations. Barely away from the Caribbean. I’ve never heard of Bimini. Who knew it was a thing.

I like Vanessa. She’s a) not 24 yrs old. b)takes the relationship seriously c) can verbally run laps around Nick and out him in his place d) Canadian.

Best lines were a split between
Vaj-ected
and
Raven is nowhere to be seen. She’s probably punching a shark as we speak.

That’s so Raven…..
That’s so Nick……….
That’s so Bimini.

Cracking me up again on a Tuesday. That’s so Lincee.

Bri
Bri

Totally agree!!

Jen
Jen

It’s possible that the Rachel announcement came so early so that they could get more directed casting for the men. Having the first African-American Bachelorette is a big deal for ABC so it better end in a success with her finding love. To do that, they need to make sure the contenders are there FOR HER. That’s my thinking at least, and I really do hate the spoiler.

Also, agree– where was Vanessa??

EBro
EBro

You’re probably right. But I am a bit sad that Rachel is out so soon. It seemed like she was actually a decent match for him, and it was fun hoping they’d work out. At least she’s a good choice for bachelorette!

A in Spain

I COMPLETELY missed the Bachelorette announcement, but I am so surprised they would reveal this before she even goes home! I was secretly hoping it would be her, if he didn´t pick her in the end. She´s by far my fave. Raven for second place. Vanessa…meh. Corinne, no comment.

Toma Rusk

Absolutely YOUR BEST YET, Lincee! It was really fantastic to be part of this experience…

No, I did not meet Nick or any of the ladies.
No, I did not know what happens/who gets the rose/who goes on hometown dates (until watching Monday night).
Yes. I got to meet OHCH; he is just as lovely in person! I did not get a picture. GAH!!

I shared your blog with my entire office – and we LOVED having the entire production for some #BiminiBliss!

Toma Rusk

Sorry I didn’t mean to ‘reply’, I mean to comment…grr. I’ll post this as an actual comment. Sorry A in Spain =)

A in Spain

Toma, no worries! 🙂

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