Bachelor Nick Recap: Too much information

Bachelor Nick: Fantasy Suites

Remember the days when we used to watch two crazy kids try to fall in love on a beach somewhere in Mexico as a reality show camera crew and an efficient intern followed them around? Our contestants wrote and read poetry to each other. They picnic’d in fields of green. Dinner conversation consisted of career dreams, family goals, and life aspirations.

Hot tubs were reserved for week eight. Boobs were never flashed. And what happened in the fantasy suite stayed in the fantasy suite so people like me could pretend that nothing other than talking was happening in the fantasy suite.

Suddenly, a guy named Nick comes along and announces during Women Tell All that he is confused why bachelorette Andi “made love” to him in the fantasy suite if she wasn’t planning on picking him at the end of his first tour during Bachelor Nation.

Can open. Worms everywhere.

Since that inquisitive moment, the show adopted a “NO RULES” policy that has crept closer and closer to Cinemax After Dark than in seasons of yore. We’ve seen (and heard) all sorts of stuff that makes me shake my head in confusion, sadness, and shock. It seems that the more black modesty boxes and bleeped out curse words, the better. Moreover, at the rate this show is going, it would behoove me to just sit behind my couch cushion from the very beginning of the show and remain there until Our Host Chris Harrison enters the room so I can get lost in his eyes for a moment, before returning back to the sanctuary of said cushion when he leaves.

I think we all know who to blame for Raven’s honest moment last night.

Because Mike Fleiss is an evil genius, he sends Andi back into Nick’s life wearing tight black leather pants so she can rub it in his face over a wine glass full of whiskey that being the bachelor/bachelorette is hard business when you are really, really, really digging more than one person’s chili.

Andi takes control of the moment and invites Nick to tell her all about his plight. He refrains from admitting that he’s still in love with her and instead sings the praises of the “four very smart, very strong-headed women” who are currently waiting for him on a cold rooftop in New York City.

Vanessa is in a beige bando dress with a black leather jacket, unfazed by the wintery chill. Rachel is in a green off-the-shoulder number with a borrowed coat from the makeup lady. Raven is in a crop-topped black sequins number that we barely see because homegirl came prepared in a sensible London Fog and Corinne, rocking a fresh weave, is wearing what looks like a fancy bathing suit with a rabbit shrug. All stand in a straight rose-receiving line and try to not catch pneumonia, while Nick puzzled through harem with his ex-girlfriend.

Nick: The last time you knocked on my door like this, you dumped me.
Andi: Oh yeah! I forgot about that!
Lincee: Don’t you talk about that exact moment on page 148 of your book?
Andi: You mean It’s Not Okay available in on Amazon and your local bookstore in paperback next week? You’re right!

Andi gives Nick fantasy suite advice and he tells her that he’s not going to propose just because he’s on this show. He may send all of them home! He apologizes for talking about his and Andi’s personal life on national TV, not because he didn’t believe what he said, but that it caused her enough pain to write a tell-all book. She tells him to not worry about what they had two years ago. Then she gives him permission to go ahead and get over her already.

Nick finally heads to the roof for the rose ceremony. After defrosting the ladies, he stands in front of some horrific fake fall foliage and hands flowers to Raven, Rachel, and Vanessa.

I did not see this coming. I totally thought Rachel was going home!

Corinne cries glittery tears in the military line before having her platinum vagine escorted to the rejection limo. Nick handles this tantrum exactly like he did when Bella was a toddler. He lets her process for a few minutes and then says good-bye. He isn’t sad at all. There’s no hint of even a Half-Mesnick. He practically skips back up to the roof to warn the ladies, “You think this is cold? Pack your thermal underwear because we are going to Finland!”

Back in the limo, Corinne crumples her face up as if she’s crying, but the tears are invisible. She complains about her heart and how she’s never going to kiss a boy again. As the rant rolls on, Corinne slides more and more into the horizontal position. By the end of the interview, she’s cradling a champagne flute in the crook of her arm and muttering something about Raquel and cheesy pasta.

Corinne will do well in Paradise.

In the next scene, we find Nick wandering the tundra as he waits for his first fantasy suite date to arrive. Raven bounds out of an SUV with the biggest snow toboggan on her head, complete with puffy ball. She and Nick take a ride in a helicopter as Raven’s voiceover explains that she has vowed to tell Nick how she really feels about him. She was too chicken to drop the L bomb in Hoxie, but this ain’t Hoxie. This is Finland. It’s the perfect place to fall in love.

Nick takes her to a pub where they throw darts and talk about domestic household chores. As her spray tan melts off her face, Raven reveals that this is a very big day and tonight is a very important night. Nick laughs and heads to the bar for another beer.

Raven tells the word that she’s only been with one man intimately and that she’s never experienced the Big O before.

I choked on my Dr Pepper.

Why? Why in the world is this information necessary? Why would you think telling that is a good idea? Could it be that she wants to exert more pain on her ex-boyfriend? Because his identity is certainly Google-able. And you can bet everyone in Hoxie knows exactly who he is. Was the stiletto beating not enough?

I’ve never talked to a person in the television more than I did last night. Raven, who I felt had a decent head on her shoulders this entire season, fell victim to muddy producing. Whether she did it by accident, malice, or being young and immature, I felt sorry for all parties involved.

Nick takes Raven to dinner. Their sweater game wasn’t necessarily on point. Raven kept messing with her off-the-shoulder Flashdance number and Nick kept scratching in his turtleneck.

I became concerned when Raven started pounding the wine. She was clearly nervous and it became apparent to me that she was about to say something that may make me abandon my cushion and crawl directly under the couch.

Raven tells Nick that she loves him and she knows it’s love because she never felt that way about her ex-boyfriend. Nick being the mature almost 40-year-old asks her if she feels comfortable saying it to a dude without hearing it back? Raven is totes cool with that.

Nick hands her the fantasy suite card. Raven barely reads it before saying that she would like to forgo her individual room and spend the night watching the Northern Lights with Nick. But he has to remember two things…

NONONONONONONONONONO.
DON’T SAY IT. DON’T SAY IT. DON’T SAY IT.
STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPIT.
INAPPROPRIATE. INAPPROPRIATE. INAPPROPRIATE.
HUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
YOURDADISWATCHING.YOURDADISWATCHING.YOURDADISWATCHING.

Raven: Number 1: I’ve only been with one man.
Nick: Today?
Raven: No. Ever.
Nick: Okay.
Raven: Number 2: I have never reached the peak of the mountain.
Nick: You mean you never experienced the summit?
Raven: Right. The pinnacle is a mystery to me.
Nick: You’re telling me you’ve never been to the vortex?
Raven: You are correct.
Nick: Challenge accepted.

I’m just going to leave it at that and let you discuss Bachelor Nick and Raven all the live long day in the comments section. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to do something about these hives…

Photo By: ABC.com

Comments

171 Comments on "Bachelor Nick Recap: Too much information"

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Mary
Mary

I literally buried my head in my cat….it was so AWKWARD!! And I’m kinda concerned about a girl who dated someone for 10 years and never said “I love you”….something fishy there…

Courtney
Courtney

I think it was two years that they were together, not ten. However, that’s still a really long time to not tell someone you love them/realize that you don’t love them!

Tasha
Tasha

It’s also a really long time to not reach the summit….just saying.

Dorothy Zbornak
Dorothy Zbornak

I know that’s a long time to date someone and not reach the summit, but back in my 20s when I was too young/scared to tell a guy what I needed, totally happened to me, too. She’s only 25, bless her heart! Why on earth was that information necessary? Why?!!!! I am also covered in hives.

A in Spain

Not to get too personal, but I did not reach the summit for a LONG time, even when in long-term relationships. Raven is right about the ¨not feeling comfortable¨ part. It took me awhile to accept my body and feel comfortable enough to let go.

Britney
Britney

yes, I get that but it did not need to said on TV!!!!

Bonnie
Bonnie

Is she also saying she never reached the summit, uh … manually? Come on Raven, just take matters in your own hands!

Laurie
Laurie

that is exactly what i kept thinking…… has she never reached the summit during intercourse? or at all?

deelyla
deelyla

Couldn’t say “I love you” after years with one guy but can only weeks after meeting Nick, and he is dating you and a couple dozen other women.

Beth
Beth

Ick!! The whole conversation and discussions about the lack of experiencing an orgasm with the ex was just gross and inappropriate! This is prime time TV! I would be mortified and more then a bit upset if I was Ravens mother. And Nicks lack of emotion or feeling for any of the women suggests he’s enjoying his reality TV role but is “acting” not serious about finding love. Really not into this season.

Jennifer
Jennifer

My EXACT thoughts. I think I even shouted that at the tv last night.

Macedonian Hussy
Macedonian Hussy

Coincidence, but luckily I had two cats!

Bonnie
Bonnie

I thought I heard her say the boyfriend never said “I love you” unless he was drunk. I don’t think I’d be inclined to say it back either!

Lincee

I lived under the couch.

Cindy S.
Cindy S.

‘Can open. Worms everywhere.’ HAHAHAHA YES!! I can’t make myself watch this season but I still read our recaps because they are hysterical.

Denise
Denise

Love the Friends reference! I can just hear Chandler saying that!

Lincee

Thanks so much Cindy S. Gotta love Chandler Bing references.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Exactly!! Her dad was watching!! Ugh. Beyond awkward.

Changing the subject, did you notice how fast Harrison got off that freezing cold roof at the rose ceremony? “ladiesthisisthefinalrosetonight” quick tap on Nick’s back and he hustled his ass back inside that warm hotel!

Sara

TOTALLY caught that and laughed out loud. Hilarious. They were at a nice hotel, was there not somewhere else in NYC where they could have had this rose ceremony???

DeeDee
DeeDee

They were probably just trying to build up the women’s tolerance for cold since the next stop was Finland. LOL Brrrrr!!!

Tina
Tina

I caught that too! Hilarious!!!

Mari
Mari

Totally!!

Macedonian Hussy
Macedonian Hussy

Wonder why the ceremony was held outside anyway. They were shivering and it was so windy…

Erin D
Erin D

Probably so they could have the name of the hotel (William Vale or something??) in the background… What a waste of rose ceremony dresses, we barely got to see them!

Islandchic
Islandchic

Not only did I notice that, but did anyone else notice how Vanessa kept pushing back her coat on both sides to reveal her barely there dress once Nick approached?

Norma
Norma

Islandchic, YES!!!! I totally noticed that!!!!! I really wanted to like her but I feel off the Vanessa train a long time ago.

Lincee

Bless him. He was probably FREEZING!

Beth
Beth

“Raven bounds out of an SUV with the biggest snow toboggan on her head” this baffled me! Us Midwestern gals call toboggans “stocking caps” and a toboggan is a sled. lol!

LinceeFan
LinceeFan

I think she knows that & was joking. LoL

Ross
Ross

In Canada and Vermont, it’s a “tuque.”

CLF
CLF

I’m a Mississippi/Georgia girl and it’s always been toboggan to me! I love regional differences!!

abby
abby

in the south, they are called (among other things) toboggans…i didn’t think twice about it when i read it!

Jane
Jane

I know! It’s usually a sled and I was super confused by that sentence, wondering when I missed Raven with a wooden sled over her head ready for a day on the slopes… I think some Canadian once told a Texan that tuques were toboggans just for a laugh and it has never been corrected…

Sarita
Sarita

Jane you’re hilarious!

Carly
Carly

I grew up in NM and Texas and have always called them toboggans!

Laura Jean

Yes, I thought it was a sled, too!!! I had to sit there and guess whether or not that was a joke or a regional term. The latter prevailed, but I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who saw that!
I guess that’s what happens to people who don’t usually have to dig out of 10 ft of snow. 🙂

K#PT
K#PT

Hahaha! Toboggans are sleds to us New Englanders. I thought maybe autocorrect was responsible. I’m totally going to start referring to hats as toboggans for fun!

I love your recaps Lincee!

Katie Metzroth

I grew up in Texas (near Houston) and have always called them hats (sometimes ski hats). I consider a toboggan a sled. 🙂

Lincee

Yeah. In East Texas we called them toboggans. I’ll bless my own heart.

Alana
Alana

Best part –
NONONONONONONONONONO.
DON’T SAY IT. DON’T SAY IT. DON’T SAY IT.
STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPIT.
INAPPROPRIATE. INAPPROPRIATE. INAPPROPRIATE.
HUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
YOURDADISWATCHING.YOURDADISWATCHING.YOURDADISWATCHING.

Denise
Denise

YES! I was saying, Raven — stop! No! Your family is watching!! Why are you saying this???

Islandchic
Islandchic

I was saying and thinking the same thing, especially with regards to her dad.

Lincee

You felt that anxiety, didn’t you Alana…

Jaime
Jaime

Forget these three girls. He needs to go after Andi. Did anyone else pick up on the unspoken sparks between them last night? They were both so nervous but in a cute way. Plus, Andi lives in NYC and nick loves NYC. She’s also the driven, straight shooter, strong woman that he’s always describing as his type. Her “feminist rant” clearly was a turn on for him.

A in Spain

YES! I liked seeing her again. I know some people don´t like her, but I love her and I would love to see them together!

deelyla
deelyla

She is definitely closer to his age.

Beth
Beth

I disagree. Nick isn’t interestedly in anyone, especially Andi who used her book as a forum to retaliate and put him down. Andi was her vintage, bitchy, self absorbed self and took advantage of an opportunity to make money, vindicate her decision to have sex with the final 2 when she was the bachelorette and to go on her feminist rant about women using sex just like men do (interesting isn’t it how well that’s worked out for her). Bringing back past “failed” leads to give advice is getting old.

Michelle Todd
Michelle Todd

Beth, wow, well said.

Lincee

I still think he likes her FOR SURE.

Rebecca
Rebecca

This, of course, was the week that my mother-in-law watched The Bachelor with us. I was hiding behind my husband the whole time. So awkward! Also, I was losing over Nick’s turtleneck! That JT/Nick comparison is fantastic.

Ross
Ross

Dunno why, but in the turtleneck, I kind of thought he looked like Eddie Haskell!

Kristin
Kristin

Eddie Haskell! That’s hilarious!

Sarita
Sarita

Mortifying! But hilarious.

Lincee

That is unfortunate timing Rebecca. Yikes!

Sara

Did anyone else notice the ad for Good Morning America in the bottom left corner when they came back from the first or second break? It was the GMA logo with some teaser about Corinne being on tomorrow morning to dish “bachelor secrets”. This was prior to the rose ceremony. Total spoiler. I knew at moment Corinne was going home. Why else would should be on the show TOMORROW morning? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Lee M
Lee M

Yes, I saw that too. Although it was only a few minutes until we saw the rose ceremony, I wondered why they had to spoil this moment too.

Tina
Tina

Yes! They spoiled the whole thing because I definitely thought Rachel was leaving! Now – duh – it’s between Raven and Vanessa.

MinnesotaNice
MinnesotaNice

Yes, but she’s been on every other show prior to elimination
so why not?!!!

Lincee

I didn’t notice that at all!

KAB
KAB

This was info that we did not need to know, but hasn’t this happened before? I seem to remember Trista anguishing over this problem many years ago and she became the bachelorette soon after.

Sara
Sara

You are correct. I also recall a scene where she asked Alex if a camera was on and when he asked why, she said something about what she wouldn’t do on camera. But I think after that season, they were a little more subtle until somewhat recently.

Lincee

It was a different time way back when Trista was around…

Ross
Ross

I was afraid the interview would devolve into something like:
Nick: You’re telling me you’ve never been to the vortex?
Raven: You are correct.
Nick: Challenge accepted.
Nick: Have you tried reverse cowgirl? Venus Butterfly? Dirty Sanchez?
Raven: No. I think maybe. No.

Fortunately it didn’t.

Nope, it couldn’t have been Rachel, as she was pictured in an early promo wearing a toboggan hat.

Lincee

Oh Ross…I love your comments.

Kelli
Kelli

I grabbed my little dog, Kevin and hid behind him. This is difficult because he weighs 15 pounds. I kept yelling TOO MUCH, RAVEN, TOO MUCH!

One of my observations is that for all the crying Corinne did–her face was remarkably dry and her makeup remarkably intact. I totally thought Rachel was going home too. She must make her big exit next week. Does anyone else think that this is going to be a Womack season that no one gets a proposal at the end?

tracee
tracee

Yes….Last night’s show felt really short….as if they want to get this season over with and I, myself don’t mind getting it over with.
Nicks not ready for marriage

Jennifer
Jennifer

They’re making up for it next week with 3 hours. Lucky us.

Ann
Ann

Except next week is one hour of the show and two whole hours of TWTA. No! I don’t want or need anymore Taylor and Corinne!! I think they’ve just thrown in the towel on this season.

Sara
Sara

My guess is that the wonky cut of this one is because Rachel makes it to the final two and there’d be no suspense if we knew that too early on.

votemom
votemom

i love that your dog is named kevin!

Knox12
Knox12

I too have a dog named Kevin I have to hide behind (when he lets me).

Lincee

I love that your dog is named Kevin.

Bri
Bri

I imagined you yelling “PINEAPPLE!!! PINEAPPLE!!!” multiple times last night.

I know I did…

Lincee

I’m always yelling pineapple this season. Seriously. It’s losing its value because I yell it so much.

A in Spain

FINLAND?! And not even Helsinki or a cool southern city, but NORTHERN FINLAND? I would have quit the show right then and there. But I also hate the cold.

I really like Raven. Vanessa is too high-strung. I HATE that we know who the final two are now because Rachel is still on the show! I am still upset that they spoiled that.

Bring on the three hours next week!

A in Spain

Also i was folding laundry when I heard the word ¨orgasm¨ and suddenly thought that maybe I had accidentally turned on Sex and the City. TMI for ABC?

Tina
Tina

Agreed!

tracee
tracee

right before Raven’s admission she was FOLDING LAUNDRY for NICK in her fantasy. Housework is not going to get you there Raven….take my word

Macedonian Hussy
Macedonian Hussy

Too personal for mom and dad and the USA, she should’ve waited until she–er–reached the summit (if she did) off camera, so Nick alone would know for cryin’ out loud–oops no pun intended.

truth
truth

I doubt Nick is gonna get her there either Andi and Kaitlyn both passed LOL

Courtney
Courtney

But wait…what if Rachel IS one of the final two and she’s rejected?! If that’s the case, ABC really ruined it. Talk about a major spoiler…

A in Spain

Good point Courtney! Anything could happen!

Tasha
Tasha

Why only 1 hour this week and 3 next week? Why is ABC messing with us?

Joycee
Joycee

Blame the mini series “When we rise”. I heard it was supposed to start Tuesday but the President’s speech bumped it back a day.

Lincee

Three hours. I’m prepping myself now…

Ann
Ann

It’s going to be a mistake if Nick picks Vanessa over Raven. I also felt bad for Corinne.

Debbie
Debbie

It will be a mistake for Vanessa if he picks her and she accepts. Nick isn’t mature enough or ready to get married! It’s clear the reality TV bug has hit him hard and he has (unrealistic) visions of an acting career. Rumor has it that he’s going to be on DWTS which is usually a nail in the coffin of a brand new relationship, as we’ve seen in the past,

HopperGuy
HopperGuy

ABC just announced for SWTS, and sure enough, Nick’s name is there and he’s staring at some “stiff” competition!

Lincee

I don’t think Vanessa wants to move to the United States…

alphadog
alphadog

It was super disappointing to hear the trashy “orgasm” talk on a non-HBO show! ABC went to far.

Everyone is blaming Raven for the TMI gaffe, but really, the producers should have kept this out. Every year the adult content is taken a bit further. It detracts from the show.

I hope ABC keeps it classy for Rachel and stays focused on the relationships, not TMI sex talk.

Lincee

I hope that too, alphadog.

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