Bachelor Nick: Women Tell All

Bachelor Nick — Episode 10 and WTA

In case you were wondering how things went with Raven and Bachelor Nick during their fantasy suite date, wonder no more. Our favorite Arkansas boutique owner actually agrees to make a “Satisfaction” video featuring herself skipping through Finland giving strangers on the street high fives, petting pooches, making snow angels, and peeping out from behind a rainbow-colored fence. The entire spectacle was set to the tune of a campy lounge singer from the 70s that reminded me a lot of this:

Where’s my bucket?

RACHEL FANTASY SUITE
Even though they both are wearing bulky parkas that don’t scream “JUMP INTO MY ARMS,” Rachel greets Nick with the signature Jump and Straddle (trademark pending). He manages to catch her and give her a big old kiss before they go cross country skiing.

Well, Nick skis. Rachel falls down. Multiple times. They finally make it to the reindeer farm and Rachel goes for the obvious holiday joke, asking Donner if he has seen Santa.

  1. I respect the fact that she didn’t call him Rudolph. #nothinbutlovefortheoriginal8
  2. We called the reindeer Sven. #frozen4ever

Nick takes Rachel to a wooden igloo where they enjoy a few mugs of hot liquid. I’m guessing butterbeer. With a touch of whiskey.

Rachel is still having a hard time telling Nick how she really feels. The pressure to drop an “I love you” is tremendous. Nick rubs her thigh to make her feel more comfortable. This technique doesn’t work.

The next thing we know, they are outside in the frigid weather laying down in a wooden slay lined with five thousand blankets being pulled by Sven who has a GoPro attached to his hind quarters. Now we can see everything St. Nick does. Spoiler: They make out.

Later that night, Rachel gives the cold air of Finland the bird by wearing a crop top to dinner. Or she forgot to update her weather app with her current location. Either way, it was a poor choice. No amount of butterbeer can keep her warm.

Fortunately, things get hot under the collar when Nick leads Rachel into another round of “will she or won’t she?” in the “I love you” department. Nick says it’s very important for him to know “where we stand.” Rachel thinks it’s obvious. Our bachelor isn’t so sure.

Nick: If you had to check your ego at the door, what would your heart say?
Lincee: Love is an open dooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Rachel: I’m falling in love with you.

Nick kisses her for a job well done, hands the forgo card over, and smiles as she barely thinks about her decision to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Of course she will! In fact, she mounts him upon arrival and the “do not disturb” sign is immediately placed on the door. Then Rachel tells the camera that she’s “excited to go deeper with Nick.”

Pine. Apple.

Because we are in Finland and lacy negliges that are traditionally saved for rose ceremonies aren’t suitable nightwear for such frosty environments, Rachel busts out the penguin-themed onesie. Her pajama game is on point. Nick makes her eggs for breakfast and tells the camera that this journey is tough.

Nick: I’m just looking to seal the deal.
Lincee: Didn’t you just seal the deal?

We didn’t have a Pleasure Town montage with Rachel, so that bit of information we really don’t need (or care) to know is still up in the air.

VANESSA FANTASY SUITE
Vanessa Jumps and Straddles (trademark pending) when she sees Nick standing in ankle-deep snow. I’m sure she would have rethought her enthusiasm when she heard what he had planned for her.

It’s a one-off of the Polar Bear Challenge. Except in Finland, you go from ice cold bath that is OUTSIDE, to an indoor sauna. You must go back and forth ten times in order to be considered either very cool or very foolish. The goal? To not catch pneumonia.

Vanessa is competitive. She’s game. Even when Nick comes out in a skin-tight, barely there royal blue pair of swim trunks that were a close relative to a Speedo. Back and forth. Up and down ladders. Making out between bouts. Vanessa’s Canadian body starts to adjust, but even Nick’s Wisconsin roots begin to withdraw from the fun of this ludicrous activity. They do it ten times, thanks to Vanessa’s need to “win,” and find sanctuary in a hot tub.

I’m sure someone lost a digit from frostbite.
I’m not sure why we had so many underwater shots of Nick’s junk in the cold bath.

Nick pulls Vanessa close to siphon some of her body heat. She snuggles in. Her facial expression changes when he mentions that her family is traditional, but he isn’t.

Vanessa pulls back and demands to know what he means by that statement.

Nick: Um…they are traditional and I’m not.
Lincee: That’s code for, “I wear a lot of skinny jeans and ubiquitous scarves and no nothing about hockey.”

Nick complains about an old girlfriend whose family was “very present” in their relationship. It affected everything. The fact that Vanessa has lunch with her family every Sunday is concerning to him. He wants to make sure their relationship is first and then family.

Vanessa drones on about core values (read: Lunch) during several different conversations. Nick notes that they are both stubborn and have a hard time compromising. Could they be too much alike for this to work? What about the fact that he’s really proud to be an American and she’s really proud to be a Canadian, eh? Where will they live?

Nick: I don’t fall easily…
Lincee: I beg to differ, but go on.
Nick: I don’t fall easily, but when I do, I fall hard.

Vanessa tells Nick that he makes her feel like she’s the only woman in the world, which is a great thing to feel since he’s technically dating two other women that she knows about. She drops the L-bomb all night long and easily forgoes her individual suite too. We don’t even get inside their accommodations. The camera is forced to creepily film from outside the window.

Or was that Sven again?

The next scene can’t be described as anything other than post coital bliss.

THIS IS TOO MUCH!

After a quick recap of what the remaining three women are feeling, the producers put them inside a bigger teepee for the rose ceremony. The poor ABC Intern had to go to the local market to fetch some blankets because there wasn’t an official rose ceremony rug for the women to stand upon.

Our Host Chris Harrison escorts each woman in one-by-one. Raven dresses like Morticia Addams, Rachel wears a bejeweled collar that would make King Tut jealous, and Vanessa channels Jessica Rabbit, but in a black color palette instead of red.

Nick cries his way through his opening remarks, gives a rose to Raven, waits ten minutes, and then gives another rose to Vanessa.

Poor Rachel is devastated, but she understands. She’s proud that she told him how she felt, and she’s kicking herself for not wearing waterproof mascara. Nick pulls a Crouching Tiger Hidden Mesnick by a burning log to work out his feelings. Or he lost the feeling in his legs. I can’t be sure.

WHAT WE LEARNED DURING WOMEN TELL ALL

  • Our Host Chris Harrison looked phenomenal. He smelled of evergreen, a Texas Toddy, and seeing a man about a horse. It may be the best he’s ever looked, except for this magazine cover:

Chris Harrison

  • Everyone’s weave was fresh.
  • I will never understand the thought and scrapbooking ability that goes into some of these watching parties. They have posters, balloons, and t-shirts. We have queso. We’re all winners.
  • I love that the UCLA girls watch the show in their pajamas. I also screamed to the TV, “THEY ARE ILLEGAL. DO NOT GET TOO CLOSE.” Kudos to the one girl who held a Harrison poster. She’s my people.
  • Harrison came clean in regard to the freshly sprayed asphalt. They are actually the tears of prior bachelorettes.
  • It was a shark. Not a dolphin. PS: Sholphin is totally fine that she was in the Friend Zone. She will do well on Bachelor in Paradise.
  • The word “nap” was used way too much in two hours. I don’t care if Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln do it. Let’s move on.
  • The Whitneys spoke more in these two hours than in the entire season put together.
  • Who are Lacey and Hailey and that one who looks like a pageant girl?
  • Josephine looked like Sarah Jessica Parker in Hocus Pocus.

  • Liz wore a romper that had slits in the pants up to her thighs. Her hair is blond now. She cried for most of her interview because everyone was mean to her on the panel. Then she lectured the girls on staying true to themselves and everyone gave her a standing ovation. #sisterhood
  • Taylor and Corinne still hate each other. All Taylor wants is an apology for Corinne ruining her mental health career. Corinne did not give it to her. She did give everyone cheese pasta and stands by her statement that she was never mean to anyone on the show.
  • Corinne walked off the panel to get a glass of champagne. The audience cheered, which I found confusing. When she was in the hot seat, she admitted to Harrison that she wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. I did not find that confusing.
  • One lady in the audience wore a shirt that read: Emotional Intelligence is my JAM
  • This is some legit double sided tape:

Bachelor Nick

  • Mother Russia endeared herself to everyone again and had the entire room in tears. Since the show aired, she’s been reunited with a few friends from the orphanage. I hope Kristina will do great things with her fifteen minutes of fame.
  • This is Nick’s first Tell All because he’s always been in the final two.
  • There is a mole on Lacey’s boob that she should have looked at. Also, WHO IS LACEY?
  • Best quote by Harrison: We lost the greatest dolphin on TV since Flipper.
  • DD Danielle interrupted Mother Russia’s closure moment with Nick to find her own closure. Neither found closure.
  • Harrison reminded the audience that Rachel is the new bachelorette. She’s also African American. Rachel is proud and honored to hold that historic role, but she doesn’t want her season to be all about that fact. I think she’s going to be great!
Photo By: ABC.com

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69 Comments on "Bachelor Nick: Women Tell All"

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Julie
Julie

Lincee, THANK YOU for helping me realize who Josephine looked like on last night’s WTA. It was bugging me all night! Or at least every time she was on camera. Her makeup was a bit crazy, but her facial expressions were pretty amusing. Also, who was that Elizabeth woman in the back row with the blonde extensions and hot pink lipstick?? She was pretty vocal at the WTA, but I cannot for the life of me remember her.

Loved the Crouching Tiger Hidden Mesnick reference, btw. When I saw him do that, I knew you’d come up with a fun name for it! 🙂

A in Spain

I cannot believe they did that montage of Raven skipping around after her night with Nick in the fantasy suite. Cringe city. Also reminded me of that scene in 500 Days of Summer, but that was way better.

I am so confused why he chooses Vanessa if he feels like they are going to fight a lot. My recent ex and I were so much alike, and while sometimes it was fun, we argued a lot. She also seems way too serious.

Such a short episode again! 🙁

Meg
Meg

YES! Josephine totally looked like SJP in Hocus Pocus!

My sister and I also thought Raven’s post-fantasy suite montage was reminiscent of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character in 500 Days of Summer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ySNaIZqucc

I’m very much looking forward to the upcoming Bach in Paradise–just hope that they don’t cast Taylor AND Corinne. I am so over that feud!

Jessica
Jessica

I really hope Corinne gets cast for BIP- I’m over Taylor. I was never really a Corinne fan, but at least she’s entertaining. Taylor is just TOO MUCH.

Meg
Meg

I agree! I would be all over a Corinne appearance in BIP. Taylor–no thanks! I just hope they don’t cast Taylor as well just to keep the feud going.

AnnieB
AnnieB

I’ve been waiting for the recap! Wayyy better than the episode. I laughed out loud at my desk reading Chris Harrison smelled like evergreen, Texas Toddy and seeing a man about a horse.

I must be getting old because I was irritated with Raven’s morning after walk/sledding montage. It made her look foolish.

Vanessa’s date also ridiculous – I was waiting for someone to fall in the iced over wooden steps!

I didn’t recognize most women during WTA and was waiting for Nick to say during questions, “ahhh who are you again?”

Can’t wait for this season to be over!

deelyla
deelyla

I’m still disappointed that Taylor didn’t jump Corrine and all hello break loose! That would have been the most excitement this season. I will say – after last night – I like Corrine better. As opposed to not being able to stomach her the majority of this season. She’ll do well on BIP.
Lincee’s your reviews are still the best part of every Bachelor episode. Now can we get back to reality TV???? PLEASE!!! I love Rachel and really want to see a legit – not contrived – reality Bacheloreete show!!

starhermit
starhermit

Great recap as usual, Lincee! I felt really bad for Taylor. She went from awkwardly shrieky to utterly deflated, and her request for an apology boomeranged through Corinne’s master manipulation into Taylor apologizing to Corinne and getting nothing in return! I think she’ll be fine in the long run, though. I loved seeing the girls’ adulation for Rachel. Liz also redeemed herself in my mind with her speech to Kristina.

Patrick
Patrick

That was some jedi mind-trick stuff right there. Corrine for the win.

Kelli
Kelli

Hahaha! I said the same thing about Raven’s dress at the rose ceremony! Did you see Rachel slip Raven a note? I saw the paper in her hand and was very confused why she was carrying a slip of paper.

I exclaimed Pine. Apple. at exactly the same time. And then again about 20 more times later in the very short show. My other observation is that when Nick was walking away from the Fantasy Suite with Vanessa, he did not look happy at all. I just don’t see them together because she doesn’t want to compromise on anything (where they live and where they eat lunch on Sunday) and he doesn’t seem thrilled about living in Canada.

The WTA episode was really annoying–even Chris Harrison couldn’t keep them contained and they were all talking over each other. At least for the first hour. I have to watch the second hour tonight. I hear the gag reel is excellent this season.

Jessica
Jessica

I don’t understand WHY Vanessa went on the American Bachelor if she wants to stay in Canada?!

Tricia
Tricia

I thought the exact same thing! Frankly have we ever seen the “lead” move to the “winner’s” location? Maybe Brad Womack claimed he would move to Emily because her daughter had such a life in Charlotte and the family support she had even though he owns businesses in TX (good grief I have way too much useless info taking up valuable memory space in my brain). I just think it’s expected that you’re moving as the contestant or y’all are finding some new 3rd party town to start a life in together.

Also, the Raven montage reminded me of the Friends episode after Ross sleeps with Julie for the first time after being so nervous. Again, get out of my brain tv trivia!

Kelli
Kelli

Didn’t Kaitlyn move to Nashville for Shawn?

Michelle Todd
Michelle Todd

Good point

MinnesotaNice
MinnesotaNice

And Des moved to Seattle for Chris.

abby
abby

Great and funny recap, Lincee! Pineapple is right!!! My thoughts on WTA were…

-CHEEK INJECTIONS GALORE!!! I guess this is just par for the course these days, but 60% of them looked like they had just come straight from the dermatologist’s office! Alexis and Sarah looked insanely different, which is sad considering they are only 25-26!
-Danielle M. was clearly uncomfortable with her wardrobe choice…every time she turned, had to look backwards, or use one arm to point or gesture, she crossed her other arm over her chest so it didn’t billow open–awkward!
-It’s always amusing to see who is vying for a spot on BIP or Instagram sponsorships (ahem, Lacey, Elizabeth, Jasmine, Hailey, and Josephine)…I feel a lot of second-hand embarrassment for them when they make it so obvious!
-Josephine was super annoying…and TOTALLY resembled SJP in Hocus pocus–good call!
-Taylor and Corinne…did we really need to devote about 40 minutes to their crap? I wanted more discussion of the dates, Nick, and just other issues in the house! My goodness, ABC knows how to beat a dead horse.
-Not a single tear rolled down DD Danielle L.’s face…her crying voice was so forced and awkward, and I think it is apparent she really wanted America’s sympathy (and possibly a spot on BIP?). Yes, I’m sure she was hurt, but, frankly, she didn’t make it that far, meaning she has had a LOT of time to process it, so I was a bit surprised by her emotions.
-Christen asking whether Nick found love was clearly Christen’s way of making sure she got some camera time…ugh, Christen, do you really think he can or will answer that question??? I felt second-hand embarrassment on that, too!
-There was not enough time with Nick and the ladies all together in the same room, in my opinion (due to the Taylor-and-Corinne show, of course)!
-Jasmine did that super annoying thing people like to do when they knew news before it was “news” (I mainly see it on Facebook when someone announces exciting or sad news)…she, in telling Rachel how happy she was for her, said something to the effect of, “I was texting Rachel to let her know I was happy for her, before the news leaked…” Between that and her aggressive audition for BIP last night, I realized I just really dislike her. A lot!

Excited for the finale…thinking he will pick Vanessa and they are throwing in all of the red-flag talk to throw us off!

Babs
Babs

I could not have summed up my feelings on this hot mess of a season better.

Kasey
Kasey

Something tells me Jasmine and Josephine/SJP kept butting in as Team Corinne for the potential kickbacks!

Alison
Alison

This recap > the actual Women Tell All!! I thought Nick was a little too comfortable with the attention from the coeds — good thing he had Harrison to chaperone! B.I.P. is going to have some interesting personalities added to the mix, which should be interesting (in its own special brain-cell-depleting kind of way)!

Deebee

The whole Raven skipping through the daisies or whatever equals “The Bachelor has officially jumped the shark.” Or should I say “sholphin?”
I could not continue watching The Women Tell All because I felt like I was watching The Jerry Springer Show when they were all yelling at the same time. I’ve recorded it so if I’m really bored tonight I’ll give it a whirl.
As for Vanessa and Nick, I think they are made for one another. Perhaps they could live 6 months a year in Canada and 6 months a year in the U.S. I’ve had enough of both of them.

Sharon
Sharon

JUMPED THE SHOLFIN!!!!! Brilliant Deebee!!

Dorothy Zbornak
Dorothy Zbornak

“Jumped the sholphin” love it!

Debbie
Debbie

Just came across your blog recently and have to say that I usually laugh out loud while reading it. I often read something you’ve written and recall making the same comment while watching the show. For instance, my husband and I both thought Raven looked like Morticia at the Rose Ceremony. Not her best look, but then again Josephine scared me with her getup on the WTA.

However, I have to say I don’t understand why you included the following in your recap. It made me cringe.

*I love that the UCLA girls watch the show in their pajamas. I also screamed to the TV, “THEY ARE ILLEGAL. DO NOT GET TOO CLOSE.” *

Why?

Debbie
Debbie

I’m not sure, but I think Lincee meant under the age of 21 and not legal age.

Morgan
Morgan

Lincee is never political. Ever. If you see something there, then you are looking for it.

Debbie
Debbie

Not looking for anything and would certainly hope it wasn’t a political statement. I simply asked a question because I didn’t understand the comment or its relevance.

Babs
Babs

It’s a legit question. I took it the same , that they are under 21 and since he is 36 they are for sure illegal for him.

Alison
Alison

It was definitely a comment on the age difference between Nick and the coeds, ie, they might be underaged and thus “illegal” for someone his age. Definitely not a political statement, this is happily one of the few politics-free zones!!

KF2
KF2

I think you are reading too much into her comment. Nick is known as a “womanizer” and the college ladies were probably under age – Lincee wouldn’t say anything malicious or offensive in that way. Just saying.

Tina
Tina

Sooooooo did anyone else notice each time he left one ho….errrr bachelorette, to go to spend the night with his next ho….errrr bachelorette, they would show a herd of bucks running through the wilderness? My interpretation was he is the buck running off to his next ho….errrr bachelorette.

Allia
Allia

I just can’t handle the hopping between beds. It’s extremely gross. Every season this is my least favorite episode.

Ann
Ann

Ditto. How can those girls sleep w/ someone whom they know just left another girl whom he also slept with? Ewww. And how can they stand giving up their privacy like that – millions of people virtually invited into their bedrooms? Gross. As a mother, I cannot quit thinking about their parents having to face people.

Babs
Babs

I agree, I could handle it in the older seasons where Guys like Sean Lowe would make it clear that it’s just an opportunity to talk in private with no cameras. Even if they were doing every and anything in there at least in my mind they were just discussing political views, religion etc. Rachel seems classy , so hopefully we won’t need to endure that next season.

Macedonian Hussy
Macedonian Hussy

Ditto, I’m not a prude by any means, either, but “Fantasy Suite” leaves nothing to the imagination. I think that “going deeper” should be explored when the show is over. I mean, comparing how good someone is in bed …?

It may be either Raven that he chooses (shallow like Nick, and more fun, Nick’s type) or no one at all. I noticed that Nick seemed sort of uncomfortable during Vanessa’s hometown, and at her class, plus her family was kind of doubtful. Country-hopping may not be his choice. Also Vanessa picked a pretty inappropriate time to get into a serious family discussion and Nick wasn’t into it. I’ll be surprised if he picks her. She seems a bit hard and self-righteous for him. He’s not that deep.

Bri
Bri

I read an article today about a girl who by fluke was sitting near Nick in a restaurant in LA last week, and overheard him talking to Jared (of Ashley I-lashes fame), and he told him that Raven was a “cool girl,” but they didn’t have sex. He said the whole thing wasn’t as big a deal as the show was making it out to be (which, as we all know, is typical for Fleiss). Paparazzi also caught Nick and Jared in the same restaurant during that time, so she wasn’t making it up. I admit, Nick’s admission made me feel better!

You can’t believe everything you see on this “reality” show!

Allia
Allia

This actually does make me feel better! Except that now I’m completely sure he’s picking Vanessa… which is what I thought anyways. But this kind of redeems Nick for me…

Allia
Allia

Pine. Apple.

That basically covers the fantasy suite episode. The pleasure town montage was icing on last week’s cow-cake. It induced a perma-cringe that stuck around for the rest of the episode.
Nick made a huge mistake letting Rachel go imo. I don’t see him with Raven… and I think she deserves better, to he honest. So that leaves Vanessa… but I just can’t get over the fact that they are never really happy when they are together! It’s always so complicated with them. She is way too intense. If he picks her, dwts will do them in for sure.
I fast forwarded through most of wta. It was an extra long paradise audition. I felt bad for Taylor… she seems like she actually had a really hard time, but she wasn’t too nice either. I think Corinne didn’t have an easy time herself. These two ladies dug their own graves and then blamed each other for it. Some growing up needs to happen there. Liz’s feminist ramble was too much. Girl needs to go home, pick up her pride, and find herself a nice dude.
What was with all of the crazy makeup??? Some of these ladies looked plastic.

Yank
Yank

Little help, please. I’ve seen the term “Pine. Apple.” 3 times now in this thread, but for the life of me can not understand the meaning. Could someone kindly explain. Sponge Bob Square Pants, perhaps? Thanks in advance.

Ruby
Ruby

Yank, “Pineapple” is the safe word Lincee would like to assign to the ABC intern to shut it all down, if I’m remembering correctly. Basically it means -please, for the love of all things holy, make it stop!

Yank
Yank

Ah….Thank you, Ruby. Crap! That’s funny as heck!

MinnesotaNice
MinnesotaNice

Pineapple is the IHGB safe word.
Pine. Apple. is the shocked, dissappointed, extreme version.

Macedonian Hussy
Macedonian Hussy

Well, she spent her time talking down to Corinne, acting superior, treating her like a patient, flaunting her M.A. degree around, showing no emotional intelligence herself while spouting psycho-babble at Corinne. For a mental health counselor, Taylor (a) has terrible grammar, with every other word “like” and (b) was contemptuous of everyone else. Rachel is an attorney but never mentioned her law degree, was great with everyone, and frankly is too good for Nick, (BTW, and is beloved by all.) Looking forward to her as The Bachelorette.

CatM
CatM

Our GBC ladies watch party called the Josephine – Sarah Sanderson resemblance back on the premier!! It’s all I’ve been able to see all season!

Loves Waves
Loves Waves

Lincee, you have long been a wordsmith, but with “but even Nick’s Wisconsin roots begin to withdraw from the fun of this ludicrous activity” you have surpassed your previously best innuendo — congrats!

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