Bachelor Pad contestants revealed: break out the Lysol
I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I’d much rather hear your take on this just-released official list of highly qualified contestants who have chosen to partake in the debauchery know as The Bachelor Pad.
Those blatantly willing to perpetuate drama, brood in string bikinis or guard and protect the hearts of others include:
The Women:
GIA ALLEMAND (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka)
I’m not sure why Gia has been given the rare opportunity to return to the place where Wes Hayden first serenaded her on the same wicker furniture in which Crazy Dave and Natalie hooked up each night, but she’s back. I’m more excited about her accent than anything.
HOLLY DURST (“The Bachelor” Season 12, Matt Grant)
Apparently, Holly is no longer engaged to Michael Stagliano…the twin from Jillian’s season. Supposedly, she thinks she made a mistake. What better way to mend a broken heart than to pack up a gallon-size jug of hand sanitizer and see how things go with your ex in the Bachelor Pad because oh yeah, HE’S THERE TOO.
VIENNA GIRARDI (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka)
Rumor has it that creeptastic Kasey is guarding and protecting Vienna’s heart. Both Kasey and Jake are raising the testosterone at the Bachelor Pad. Someone at ABC is pretty brilliant if you ask me.
JACKIE GORDON (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)
I have to admit that I looked Jackie up on the website. I’m calling it…she and Jake will form an alliance.
MICHELLE MONEY (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)
Hide your bunnies gentlemen.
ELLA NOLAN (“The Bachelor” Season 14, Jake Pavelka)
I don’t remember who this is.
ERICA ROSE (“The Bachelor” Season 9, Lorenzo Borghese)
I hope that Princess Erica has a candid conversation with Our Host Chris Harrison about how it’s unfair that she was unable to bring her toy poodle and house boy to fetch her luggage. I’m guessing the bunk bed situation will be a bit rough for her highness.
MELISSA SCHREIBER (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)
She’s going to be the first to meltdown and will be kicked off early. Bless her heart.
ALLI TRAVIS (“The Bachelor” Season 15, Brad Womack)
You remember Alli, right? She was nine feet tall and talked about her boobs the whole time? I think she’ll be a dark horse and fly under the radar for a while before winning hearts or reeking havoc on Casa de Bachelor.
The Men
GRAHAM BUNN (“The Bachelorette” Season 4, DeAnna Pappas)
Graham = hot. Thank goodness only swim trunks and underwear are on the official pack list for The Bachelor Pad.
KIRK DEWINDT (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski)
LIVE STRONG MOLDY KIRK! I loved him and his affectionate taxidermy Dad. He needs a good normal woman. Perhaps a tall one with big boobs.
KASEY KAHL (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski)
Please, please, please ABC…I would love to see Kasey and Jake take each other on in some sort of obscure Brazilian jujitsu.
JAKE PAVELKA (“The Bachelor” Season 14)
I’m already annoyed.
JUSTIN “RATED-R” REGO (“The Bachelorette” Season 6, Ali Fedotowski)
I wonder if he’ll straight up call his girlfriend this time around since it’s not really a dating show but more of an “all-star” slumber party we are all forced to watch on TV because like a good train wreck, we just can’t look away.
MICHAEL STAGLIANO (“The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris)
As I mentioned above, the Stag and Holly conveniently broke up just weeks before the Bachelor Pad and are conveniently both willing to pack the suggested Vaseline and Saran Wrap as spelled out in their pre-show letter and live in a dwelling of ill intent without drama or tears. I think they are playing ABC and will work to sabotage the others, miraculously fall back in love and beg the producers to convince America that THEY are the series’ new darlings in hopes to have a prime time wedding during sweeps in the fall.
MYSTERY MAN #1 (“The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Hebert)
MYSTERY MAN #2 (“The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Hebert)
MYSTERY MAN #3 (“The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Hebert)
PLEASE BE BENTLEY.
PLEASE BE BENTLEY.
PLEASE BE BENTLEY.
Thoughts? Sound off in the comment section below!
Eeeewwwww….
Pretty much sums it up.
Also, I hate Bentley.
I think I caught something just reading the list. Not sure if I can endure Jake and his fake personality again. Oh wait just scrolled back up, Vienna is there too? LOL must admit, can’t wait for it to start, since the bachelorette is such a snooze fest.
this could be so bad, it’s good
don’t know if I can stand to watch Ashley and the guys tonight. Broke down and had to ck Reality Steve to see if there’s a chance she finds love after the Bentley heartbreak. No spoilers from me ….
LOL …ok this trainwreck I must watch!!! Some people really are attention hoggers (I’d say another word but this is a friendly site =))
I’m so with you Lincee on Holly and Michael…why would you do that? Talk about AWKWARD! and TV gold I bet!
Agreed on Graham too…welcome back eye candy.
I’m kind of annoyed Jake will be there. For one, he already was the Bachelor…everyone else here was a contestant that didn’t get picked. He made it through 25 women and still came out with no one. He doesn’t deserve to get to be on Bach pad. 2, I can’t stand him. I do hope he and Kasey have an awesome hair pulling fight though.
Why does Gia get to be there again? I used to like her, but she’s really dumb.
I’m beyond excited that Michelle Money will be there. I can’t wait for her commentary and I bet she wins. I’m calling that now.
And I HOPE it’s bentley. Also maybe drunkie mcliquor salesman from New York. He and gia would be *awesome* and we would need captioning to understand them.
And I FORGOT BREAK DANCER MICHAEL! He was such a doll on Jillian’s season. I love him so much. Can’t wait to see him again(in my tv).
I can’t believe ABC put Jake on this show. He’s such an a$$ and dork. Yuck — hope the bach’s and ette’s oust him first thing….
Ella supposedly ended an engagement and came to the Bach Pad? Weird. She’s also the 2nd mom of a young child casted, which is also weird. (Although I don’t know if Michelle Money classifies as a mother, your call). As for the Bentley thing, if he’s a famewhore like the rest of these contestants, he’d be stupid not to show. He & Michelle already have history, so I’m sure ABC is dishing out a pretty penny to make that happen.
Oh, & I hope Melissa didn’t quit her new waitressing job just for this. She’s pitifully painful to watch.
I hope it’s Bentley only so him and Michelle can either have it out or fall in love. I hope they put the drunk guy from this year on there. I personally think all of these people are annoying besides Graham and Michael. Come on ABC…where are all the normal people.
I agree.. Please Bentley. That show is made for him. Thank you God for sweet tea, apple pie, and Graham!
Why not Brad!!! Third time’s the charm!!
I can’t wait!
Jake and Vienna are there together? That should be interesting right? With Gia, too…
Okay, I am going to have to break down and watch this stupid show. I had absolutely no interest in the first Bachelor Pad….but they dynamics of Michelle Money and probably Bentley (I hate him too), Michael and Holly (loved both of them on their respective seasons and loved them together too), Jake and Vienna, Erica Rose (because she is so ridiculous) and Graham (eye candy)….c’mon….I can’t NOT watch!
OMG what an epic train wreck! Like Lincee said, I’m already annoyed with Jake. And I’m appalled that nice and/or hot guys like Kirk, Michael, and Graham are going to be subjected to the likes of Ti-Erica, Vienna, and Michelle Money! Although, Michelle’s commentary should be fantastic.
Help me out, guys… Who is Melissa?? I don’t recall a Melissa from Brad’s season.