Bachelor in Paradise finale recap: Happily Evanly after
Bachelor in Paradise Finale Recap
It’s the end of the hot and humid road for these folks and boy, are they happy to leave Paradise for their exotic fantasy suites. Who cares if Our Host Chris Harrison’s entourage is bumping to the latest beats of the new Frank Ocean album in the Presidential floor right above them? This joint has AIR CONDITIONING. There’s so much cool air blowing that everyone has to wear waffle robes the morning after while they eat pineapple and discuss the possibility of a proposal later that day.
Some are confused. Others are not. We have no idea going in who will actually get down on one knee. Will Nick profess his love, only to be tortured by Jen’s refusal of marriage? Does Grant officially adopt the Grace couple name by putting a ring on it? Do the single parents hold off on this very big life-changing decision and introduce their significant others to their children before promising to love them forever?
Don’t be silly. This is Paradise, people. You go home engaged or you break up FOREVER. No amount of Jorge’s tears can change that. Here’s your breakdown:
E.D. and Carly
E.D. recites an original poem rhyming all his words with Carly. He never uses the word gnarly, which I feel is a major lyrical foul. He’ll have a lifetime to make it up to her because they are in L-O-V-E.
Neither Carly nor E.D. wear bras for the big moment. Carly admits that she knew E.D. was the one when she accompanied him to the hospital that time he faked a foot injury. Curse all the bunions of the world! E.D. fumbles through his lead-in with huge crocodile tears. I pray he doesn’t get a nose bleed. He eventually pulls it together and tells Carly that he wants to chase fairy tales with her. She compliments him for being fearless. Once she vows to die for him, E.D. gets down on one knee and asks Carly, “Will you freaking marry me?”
Carly agrees. E.D. can’t wait for the kids to meet their new Mommy. #blessed
Grant and Lace
Grant wakes up the morning after fantasy suites feeling “weird in a bad way.” He is concerned that he is just rolling the dice on this relationship. Lace begins to cry. This does not help the current state of her spider-leg eyelashes. “Why did we get tattoos?” — asked Lace and everyone watching the show.
Later that afternoon, Lace descends the steps down to the beach looking better than she has all season. Solid water pressure does wonders for her extensions. She tells Grant that she’s tired of running. It’s been him from the beginning, except for that one sordid night with The Chad.
Grant glistens in the sun like Edward Cullen, waiting for his turn. He tells Lace that he needs her in his world so life won’t be boring. He drops on one knee and asks Lace to marry him and she says yes!
Nick and Jen/Jennifer
We find Nick and Jen/Jennifer talking about peacocks the morning after. Either she’s talking about an actual peacock, or this particular innuendo flew right over my head. Jen tells Nick that she wants to leave Paradise holding hands forever. Um, that’s not allowed Jen. Unless, of course, there’s a Neil Lane ring on one very important finger, you can’t just leave holding hands. Unless holding hands is a euphemism for something else. I’m so confused.
Jen/Jennifer chooses a pink accordion skirt and belly shirt for her big proposal moment. She washes Nick in a sea of compliments, including the fact that he has chosen to be open and vulnerable by taking his guard down. “You’ve been through this before (twice) and here you are again! There’s so much potential here. I’m willing to fall if you’re willing to catch me!”
The thing is — he’s not. Nick begins to weep. He claims he’s a better person now that Jen/Jennifer is in his life, but he can’t get his heart and his head on the same page. Unfortunately, he must say good-bye. They leave the proposal staging area holding hands. I don’t think this is what Jen/Jennifer had in mind.
Josh and Amanda
Amanda wakes up with full makeup and perfect hair every morning. Her pink lipstick accentuates her darling black lacy two piece sleeping romper. She tells the camera that she’s not worried that Josh hasn’t met her daughters. This makes zero sense. All the hand holding must be clouding everyone’s judgement.
Amanda arrives on the beach in a fun tropical frock. Josh has already sweat through his shirt. She asks him to be a part of her life. He groans and thanks her. He didn’t know what true love was until he met her. He proposes and Amanda says yes! I hope they honeymoon somewhere cold because this dude is DRENCHED.
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Carly and E.D. plan on moving in together in December. That’s when her rent is up. They are still in weird love with each other. They even have an official wedding hashtag #happilyevanafter, which is half the battle.
Lace moved in with Grant. They are shopping wedding dates. She cut her hair and looks way better.
Josh actually met Amanda’s kids! A picture is worth a thousand words:
It was all worth it #MyNewFamily 😍
Jen/Jennifer is over Nick and totally fine. So are her boobs. I know this because they made a rather big appearance on the after show.
Nick is our next bachelor. We all assumed he would profess his love to Jen before she tragically turned him down in a puddle of tears. He would walk away rejected with the rally cry that he does deserve love! That didn’t happen. What was the purpose of making the announcement LAST week? Inquiring minds…
Jared and Caila are no longer together.
Ashley I-Lashes is almost over Jared. Although she vowed to only cry three times in Paradise, the official count was 18.
Vinny and Izzy are supposedly NOT together. He has the Spring Break beach pictures to prove it.
The Twins and Damn Daniel are still available. Here’s hoping they bring all three in for commentary during Nick’s season. They can be the new Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir!
Our Host Chris Harrison has officially closed down his timeshare and will soon be dropping bleach from the sky. After the Miss U.S.A. pageant on Sunday, he plans to take it easy for the next several months. #CallMe
And there you have it! Season 3 will go down in the books as one to remember. Who’s pumped for season 4? Who’ll make it down the aisle? Sound off in the comments section!
Thanks for watching with me! Make sure to come back if you are a Dancing with the Stars fan. I’ll be recapping this season!
Soooooooo, BIP got renewed?!? Pure awesome! I loved this stupid show. I don’t know that I believe any of these couples will make it. I believe THEY believe they will…but…really?
Josh, buddy, get some Botox!! The sweat is too much! I loved the after show almost as much as this blog. I really believe Lincee and Michelle would be a great team. I didn’t realize there were people out there that still weren’t on team Nick! I think they announced him before the finale in order to make us just push their not-making-it aside without any questions. Idk, Lincee has made me a lifer, and I can’t stop, even if I wanted to.
Thank you so much!
BIP is definitely the best and most fun series of the Bachelor franchise! Can’t wait for next season!!
Carley made me love E.D. They seem so real and genuinely in love.
I think this makes me irrationally happy because she’s the only girl I’ve ever related to on the show.
#WeirdPeopleNeedLoveToo
#TheyDo!
I LOVED this season! Except for Josh’s moaning and sweating. Dude, srsly, that was nasty. I really do wish they wouldn’t have revealed Nick as the next bachelor until after the finale. It was kind of a let down. Who told Evan that a see through shirt was a good idea? Just no. I really hope we get to see a Carly/Evan wedding–that would be the best!
I bet you anything their wedding will be televised!
Just curious. Do you think, when the producers saw how rehabilitated and well Nick was looking on camera, that they started talking to him about being the Bachelor before BIP was over?
Watching him squirm (and squint) nervously while Jen professed her love last night made me wonder the same thing! He looked so uncomfortable.
I thought it was awful he let her say all that stuff when he knew he wasn’t going to propose.
Yes, and spent the night with her when he must have known he wasn’t going to propose.
Oh my, these people make so many stupid decisions.
I don’t think so, Paula. Only because of this article where Luke said he was pretty much locked in to be the next Bachelor, up until the night before he was supposed to fly out to LA!
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/luke-pell-on-bachelor-switch-up-i-had-my-bags-packed-w437628
But…anything is possible with Bachelor producers.
Also, this is suspect…Nick seemed to still be dating Jen/Jennifer up until he was announced as the Bachelor? Huh?
http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/bachelor-nick-viall-was-dating-jen-a-week-ago-says-costar-w437918
I can’t keep up.
Lincee, loved the recap!!
I was thinking he went into paradise knowing he was on the short list and that’s why he got the edit he did, so we’d like him to be The Bachelor? I know before BIP if you had told me he was the bachelor I would have been out. Maybe I’m just cynical.
Nick as the Batchelor makes no sense. He is nothing but a you know what stirrer. His character type is archetypal. He is misery loving company, the Iago to Othello, the cruel passive-aggressive side kick who will choose to wreck other people’s happiness to feel powerful. The producers could not get Luke to play their games and dropped him for fame ho Nick. But big mistake producers. I truly hope the women routinely refuse his overtures. So sorry for any ladies in this cast.
I don’t know… Jen came kind of late in the game. I think Nick wasn’t ready to “go there” with her, which I can’t fault him for. I don’t know about anyone else, but I would have to really really be into someone to even consider a long distance relationship, much less an engagement. After only a couple weeks of knowing them, that kind of commitment is bound to be a waste of time. I think he was just not that into her.
I also don’t think he was short listed ahead of time. He didn’t have much of a fan base until BIP. A lot of people didn’t like him. Maybe the producers were toying with the idea, but I don’t think they made any decision until they saw the response from BIP viewers.
She literally lived across the country from him and that is a huge obstacle to a relationship. The same thing happened with Tenley last season and no one questioned her. I heard her say she loved him but they never really seemed that into each other to me- it seemed like more of a short-lived fling. Nick has a great story to be the bachelor and he obviously does fall for people quickly. I think it will be a great season!
You may be on to something Paula!
“Something told my heart not to say I love you” says Nick…. My money’s on saying that something was Mike Fleiss
I’m so happy for Carly and Evan! They both have such cute smiles. I can’t believe I finally got my husband to watch BIP with me. After watching the first episode, he was hooked. Even got him to read the recaps the next day! Lincee , you’re the best!
This is the best comment ever! I love when guys read the recaps!
“Either she’s talking about an actual peacock, or this particular innuendo flew right over my head.” and “All that hand holding is clouding people’s judgement.” Best two lines! Good stuff.
This season the editing was hilarious!
Thank you Kari K!
I was riveted by Carly’s reaction as she listened to Evan’s proposal soliloquy. Her rapt attention and genuine tears told the story: online cynics aside, I think she truly embraced his unequivocal adoration, with all its weirdness. It was a beautiful sight to see.
Side note: I fast-forwarded through the other beach-podium moments, pausing just long enough to register “weak” on Nick’s performance, but re-watched C&E’s vows several times. Part of me hopes they’re not addicted to being on reality TV, but another part of me hopes we’ll get to see how their lives unfold.
I think they have a good chance since they both live in Nashville.
Where to begin. Neither Carly nor Evan wear bras for the big moment made me spit out my drink!!! I noticed that too last night!!! Never noticed any other time other than last night.
Grant and Lace. I would never have gotten those tattoos!!! What were they thinking??? And I could not get past her eyelashes all season. They were hideous! And those extensions! Her hair looked super cute in the after show. So much more becoming than that mess she sported through the entire BIP.
Carley and Evan. Whilst I want to be very happy for them and a small part of me is, I can’t help but think of all the grossness that went on trough BIP with them. Having said that, I will also say that she really seems to be genuine in her feelings of him. I would have never believed it until I watched their proposal last night. She really does love him!
Amanda and Josh. No. Just NO!!!
Nick and Jen. I am mad. Very mad. WHY did they announce him as the new Bachelor before BIP was over???? Somebody tell me why! So it seems he KNEW he was the top pick before BIP was even over (yes, I know this was filmed in advance and all that) but it still seems like he already knew. If that is the case then shame on him for not breaking it off with Jennifer earlier. He just led her on. While I wanted to be excited for Nick as the bachelor, I just don’t know that I can now. I will watch though, like I always do and hate myself for it…but only because it is even better to read Lincee’s recaps which totally rock!
I have this feeling that we’ll be seeing more of Jen on The Bachelor. Perhaps showing up a few episodes in, the way that Nick did with
Kaitlyn.
You may be on to something, but Jen seems pretty classy. Not sure she would be into chasing a guy that’s already shot her down.
I would like to think all the squinting was due to the fact that the intern took Nick’s sunglasses away and that Jen’s boobs last night on the after show were auditioning for her own bachelorette gig.
I thought the the same thing.
We’re all in this together Norma!
I’m not sure how many people watch the After Paradise show, but I was really glad I watched this season, because a lot of people redeemed themselves a bit (in my opinion) with the way they carried themselves on the live show. Josh almost endeared himself to me last night, which I didn’t think was possible after how obnoxious I found him in Paradise. And ick, I felt so bad for Amanda when he carried her off the proposal podium in that positively drenched shirt!
I’m still having a hard time wrapping my brain around Cevan/Evanly. How does someone go from being as repulsed as she was at first, to being madly in love? I understand that not all attractions are instant, but I’m still a bit skeptical.
@Julie At some point early in the show, I believe Carly spoke about her weakness for bad boys. I’m guessing that put her more in the rôle of supplicant, performing to please and always nervous about being messed about. It seems entirely plausible that she’s matured, developed a better self-image, and realized how nice it can be to be loved for who you are, matted hair and all.
Hehe……..matted hair and all!
Josh’s PR team still consider him a work in progress I imagine…
Wondering if once they got past that very stringy, sloppy habanero longest kiss…and awkward smooch on the stairs…he delivered with some solid making out and she started to feel something was possible, a spark physically to go with a decent albeit quirky personality?
I’m really rooting for Carly and Evan even though I thought they were the most unlikely couple EVER. I adore Carly and I really hope she has found her “person” as she says on Instagram. I thought it was really touching when Jade came on skype and was getting choked up. So there must be some real in their relationship since Jade is her best friend.
She and Carly are TIGHT from their BIP time together last season. It does seem real!
What was happening with Nick’s right eye while Jen was telling him she loved him? Twitch? Something in his eye?
He was reacting to the ocular electric shock system the BIP producers wired onto him. The producers told him, “Remember, Nick, you’re the Bachelor. Any time you show any emotion for this girl, we’re gonna shock you. Cut her loose, dude!”
I thought the same thing, Sue, that he must have something in his eye. That was SO aco-taco!
Sweat?
Lincee– this show may disappoint but you never do! Fabulous recaps every week, thank you for suffering with/for us to watch faithfully! #CallMe is possibly the best hashtag I’ve seen all season!
Totally agree re #CallMe……………….hilarious!
It’s been my pleasure Betsie!
Amanda’s little girls (bless their hearts) look less than thrilled with their mama’s love story!
Everyone deserves love – I fully agree to this. Has it ever been said what happened to Amanda’s ex? As a parent, I wouldn’t be okay with the kids being used as media fodder. I also wouldn’t be okay with the other parent being as “romantical” as Amanda was in the show or accepting a proposal.
Am I out to lunch here?
I totally agree with you, Bananas. While I fully support single parents finding love, I have a really hard time getting on board with the parents on this show. Their kids get thrown into the media circus whether they want it or not. Plus, just the concept of getting engaged after a few weeks is extremely problematic… maybe the dependent-free singles can afford to be a little adventurous, but for a parent that’s just plain irresponsible. How can you bring in a step-parent that you barely know? If I were Amanda’s ex, I’d be in court right now fighting for sole custody… no joke…
I agree completely!
Right, like can you two please stop making out on the couch and please take us to Chuck E Cheese!!??
Lincee, thank you so much for your recaps! I SO lol forward to them. On the whole I thought it was a great season, most of what I did not like was editing like Josh’s groans…yuck! I actually liked the after show and agree the only thing that would make it better would be to replace Seam with you Lincee!
You are too sweet Babs! Thank you!
Am I the only one who thinks Jen is a total snoozefest? I can´t stand listening to her talk. She is so blah. Nick needs someone with a bit more color and personality.
Josh and Amanda. Oh boy. I saw a comment somewhere about how she was like Belle choosing Gaston over the beast. So appropriate to this situation. I knew a guy JUST like him and it didn´t end well. I would love to know what Andi thinks about all this.
Carly and Evan are so adorable. I was cheesin´ big time every time they were on screen. I would LOVE to see their wedding and maybe a spinoff show (unlike Ben Higgins and Lauren´s upcoming spinoff show. Double snoozefest).
Can´t wait to see Nick´s season of the Bachelor and (more important) read Lincee´s recaps!
I think he’s going to be a good one!
Agree Jen lacked the excitement and spontaneity of Kaitlyn.