Bachelor in Paradise finale recap: Happily Evanly after

Bachelor in Paradise Finale Recap

It’s the end of the hot and humid road for these folks and boy, are they happy to leave Paradise for their exotic fantasy suites. Who cares if Our Host Chris Harrison’s entourage is bumping to the latest beats of the new Frank Ocean album in the Presidential floor right above them? This joint has AIR CONDITIONING. There’s so much cool air blowing that everyone has to wear waffle robes the morning after while they eat pineapple and discuss the possibility of a proposal later that day.

Some are confused. Others are not. We have no idea going in who will actually get down on one knee. Will Nick profess his love, only to be tortured by Jen’s refusal of marriage? Does Grant officially adopt the Grace couple name by putting a ring on it? Do the single parents hold off on this very big life-changing decision and introduce their significant others to their children before promising to love them forever?

Don’t be silly. This is Paradise, people. You go home engaged or you break up FOREVER. No amount of Jorge’s tears can change that. Here’s your breakdown:

E.D. and Carly
E.D. recites an original poem rhyming all his words with Carly. He never uses the word gnarly, which I feel is a major lyrical foul. He’ll have a lifetime to make it up to her because they are in L-O-V-E.

Neither Carly nor E.D. wear bras for the big moment. Carly admits that she knew E.D. was the one when she accompanied him to the hospital that time he faked a foot injury. Curse all the bunions of the world! E.D. fumbles through his lead-in with huge crocodile tears. I pray he doesn’t get a nose bleed. He eventually pulls it together and tells Carly that he wants to chase fairy tales with her. She compliments him for being fearless. Once she vows to die for him, E.D. gets down on one knee and asks Carly, “Will you freaking marry me?”

Carly agrees. E.D. can’t wait for the kids to meet their new Mommy. #blessed

Grant and Lace
Grant wakes up the morning after fantasy suites feeling “weird in a bad way.” He is concerned that he is just rolling the dice on this relationship. Lace begins to cry. This does not help the current state of her spider-leg eyelashes. “Why did we get tattoos?” — asked Lace and everyone watching the show.

Later that afternoon, Lace descends the steps down to the beach looking better than she has all season. Solid water pressure does wonders for her extensions. She tells Grant that she’s tired of running. It’s been him from the beginning, except for that one sordid night with The Chad.

Grant glistens in the sun like Edward Cullen, waiting for his turn. He tells Lace that he needs her in his world so life won’t be boring. He drops on one knee and asks Lace to marry him and she says yes!

Nick and Jen/Jennifer
We find Nick and Jen/Jennifer talking about peacocks the morning after. Either she’s talking about an actual peacock, or this particular innuendo flew right over my head. Jen tells Nick that she wants to leave Paradise holding hands forever. Um, that’s not allowed Jen. Unless, of course, there’s a Neil Lane ring on one very important finger, you can’t just leave holding hands. Unless holding hands is a euphemism for something else. I’m so confused.

Jen/Jennifer chooses a pink accordion skirt and belly shirt for her big proposal moment. She washes Nick in a sea of compliments, including the fact that he has chosen to be open and vulnerable by taking his guard down. “You’ve been through this before (twice) and here you are again! There’s so much potential here. I’m willing to fall if you’re willing to catch me!”

The thing is — he’s not. Nick begins to weep. He claims he’s a better person now that Jen/Jennifer is in his life, but he can’t get his heart and his head on the same page. Unfortunately, he must say good-bye. They leave the proposal staging area holding hands. I don’t think this is what Jen/Jennifer had in mind.

Josh and Amanda
Amanda wakes up with full makeup and perfect hair every morning. Her pink lipstick accentuates her darling black lacy two piece sleeping romper. She tells the camera that she’s not worried that Josh hasn’t met her daughters. This makes zero sense. All the hand holding must be clouding everyone’s judgement.

Amanda arrives on the beach in a fun tropical frock. Josh has already sweat through his shirt. She asks him to be a part of her life. He groans and thanks her. He didn’t know what true love was until he met her. He proposes and Amanda says yes! I hope they honeymoon somewhere cold because this dude is DRENCHED.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Carly and E.D. plan on moving in together in December. That’s when her rent is up. They are still in weird love with each other. They even have an official wedding hashtag #happilyevanafter, which is half the battle.

Lace moved in with Grant. They are shopping wedding dates. She cut her hair and looks way better.

Josh actually met Amanda’s kids! A picture is worth a thousand words:

It was all worth it #MyNewFamily 😍

A photo posted by Josh Allan Murray (@joshmurray11) on

Jen/Jennifer is over Nick and totally fine. So are her boobs. I know this because they made a rather big appearance on the after show.

Nick is our next bachelor. We all assumed he would profess his love to Jen before she tragically turned him down in a puddle of tears. He would walk away rejected with the rally cry that he does deserve love! That didn’t happen. What was the purpose of making the announcement LAST week? Inquiring minds…

Jared and Caila are no longer together.

Ashley I-Lashes is almost over Jared. Although she vowed to only cry three times in Paradise, the official count was 18.

Vinny and Izzy are supposedly NOT together. He has the Spring Break beach pictures to prove it.

The Twins and Damn Daniel are still available. Here’s hoping they bring all three in for commentary during Nick’s season. They can be the new Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir!

Our Host Chris Harrison has officially closed down his timeshare and will soon be dropping bleach from the sky. After the Miss U.S.A. pageant on Sunday, he plans to take it easy for the next several months. #CallMe

And there you have it! Season 3 will go down in the books as one to remember. Who’s pumped for season 4? Who’ll make it down the aisle? Sound off in the comments section!

Thanks for watching with me! Make sure to come back if you are a Dancing with the Stars fan. I’ll be recapping this season!

Photo By: ABC.com
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Sincethebeginning
Sincethebeginning
3 years ago

Soooooooo, BIP got renewed?!? Pure awesome! I loved this stupid show. I don’t know that I believe any of these couples will make it. I believe THEY believe they will…but…really? Josh, buddy, get some Botox!! The sweat is too much! I loved the after show almost as much as this blog. I really believe Lincee and Michelle would be a great team. I didn’t realize there were people out there that still weren’t on team Nick! I think they announced him before the finale in order to make us just push their not-making-it aside without any questions. Idk, Lincee has… Read more »

Grace
Grace
3 years ago

BIP is definitely the best and most fun series of the Bachelor franchise! Can’t wait for next season!!

Paige
Paige
3 years ago

Carley made me love E.D. They seem so real and genuinely in love.

I think this makes me irrationally happy because she’s the only girl I’ve ever related to on the show.

#WeirdPeopleNeedLoveToo

Kelli
Kelli
3 years ago

I LOVED this season! Except for Josh’s moaning and sweating. Dude, srsly, that was nasty. I really do wish they wouldn’t have revealed Nick as the next bachelor until after the finale. It was kind of a let down. Who told Evan that a see through shirt was a good idea? Just no. I really hope we get to see a Carly/Evan wedding–that would be the best!

Paula
Paula
3 years ago

Just curious. Do you think, when the producers saw how rehabilitated and well Nick was looking on camera, that they started talking to him about being the Bachelor before BIP was over?

Julie
Julie
3 years ago
Reply to  Paula

Watching him squirm (and squint) nervously while Jen professed her love last night made me wonder the same thing! He looked so uncomfortable.

Deebee
Deebee
3 years ago
Reply to  Julie

I thought it was awful he let her say all that stuff when he knew he wasn’t going to propose.

Christine
Christine
3 years ago
Reply to  Deebee

Yes, and spent the night with her when he must have known he wasn’t going to propose.
Oh my, these people make so many stupid decisions.

Anne
3 years ago
Reply to  Paula

I don’t think so, Paula. Only because of this article where Luke said he was pretty much locked in to be the next Bachelor, up until the night before he was supposed to fly out to LA!
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/luke-pell-on-bachelor-switch-up-i-had-my-bags-packed-w437628
But…anything is possible with Bachelor producers.
Also, this is suspect…Nick seemed to still be dating Jen/Jennifer up until he was announced as the Bachelor? Huh?
http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/bachelor-nick-viall-was-dating-jen-a-week-ago-says-costar-w437918
I can’t keep up.
Lincee, loved the recap!!

Tasha
Tasha
3 years ago
Reply to  Paula

I was thinking he went into paradise knowing he was on the short list and that’s why he got the edit he did, so we’d like him to be The Bachelor? I know before BIP if you had told me he was the bachelor I would have been out. Maybe I’m just cynical.

bean there
bean there
3 years ago
Reply to  Paula

Nick as the Batchelor makes no sense. He is nothing but a you know what stirrer. His character type is archetypal. He is misery loving company, the Iago to Othello, the cruel passive-aggressive side kick who will choose to wreck other people’s happiness to feel powerful. The producers could not get Luke to play their games and dropped him for fame ho Nick. But big mistake producers. I truly hope the women routinely refuse his overtures. So sorry for any ladies in this cast.

Allia
Allia
3 years ago
Reply to  Paula

I don’t know… Jen came kind of late in the game. I think Nick wasn’t ready to “go there” with her, which I can’t fault him for. I don’t know about anyone else, but I would have to really really be into someone to even consider a long distance relationship, much less an engagement. After only a couple weeks of knowing them, that kind of commitment is bound to be a waste of time. I think he was just not that into her. I also don’t think he was short listed ahead of time. He didn’t have much of a… Read more »

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
3 years ago
Reply to  Allia

She literally lived across the country from him and that is a huge obstacle to a relationship. The same thing happened with Tenley last season and no one questioned her. I heard her say she loved him but they never really seemed that into each other to me- it seemed like more of a short-lived fling. Nick has a great story to be the bachelor and he obviously does fall for people quickly. I think it will be a great season!

Gondawatchsummore
Gondawatchsummore
3 years ago
Reply to  Paula

“Something told my heart not to say I love you” says Nick…. My money’s on saying that something was Mike Fleiss

Janice-Lee
Janice-Lee
3 years ago

I’m so happy for Carly and Evan! They both have such cute smiles. I can’t believe I finally got my husband to watch BIP with me. After watching the first episode, he was hooked. Even got him to read the recaps the next day! Lincee , you’re the best!

Kari K
Kari K
3 years ago

“Either she’s talking about an actual peacock, or this particular innuendo flew right over my head.” and “All that hand holding is clouding people’s judgement.” Best two lines! Good stuff.

This season the editing was hilarious!

Missing summer already
Missing summer already
3 years ago

I was riveted by Carly’s reaction as she listened to Evan’s proposal soliloquy. Her rapt attention and genuine tears told the story: online cynics aside, I think she truly embraced his unequivocal adoration, with all its weirdness. It was a beautiful sight to see. Side note: I fast-forwarded through the other beach-podium moments, pausing just long enough to register “weak” on Nick’s performance, but re-watched C&E’s vows several times. Part of me hopes they’re not addicted to being on reality TV, but another part of me hopes we’ll get to see how their lives unfold.

Norma
Norma
3 years ago

Where to begin. Neither Carly nor Evan wear bras for the big moment made me spit out my drink!!! I noticed that too last night!!! Never noticed any other time other than last night. Grant and Lace. I would never have gotten those tattoos!!! What were they thinking??? And I could not get past her eyelashes all season. They were hideous! And those extensions! Her hair looked super cute in the after show. So much more becoming than that mess she sported through the entire BIP. Carley and Evan. Whilst I want to be very happy for them and a… Read more »

Rperry
Rperry
3 years ago
Reply to  Norma

I have this feeling that we’ll be seeing more of Jen on The Bachelor. Perhaps showing up a few episodes in, the way that Nick did with
Kaitlyn.

Babs
Babs
3 years ago
Reply to  Rperry

You may be on to something, but Jen seems pretty classy. Not sure she would be into chasing a guy that’s already shot her down.

Jennifer
Jennifer
3 years ago
Reply to  Rperry

I would like to think all the squinting was due to the fact that the intern took Nick’s sunglasses away and that Jen’s boobs last night on the after show were auditioning for her own bachelorette gig.

Jenna
Jenna
3 years ago
Reply to  Rperry

I thought the the same thing.

Julie
Julie
3 years ago

I’m not sure how many people watch the After Paradise show, but I was really glad I watched this season, because a lot of people redeemed themselves a bit (in my opinion) with the way they carried themselves on the live show. Josh almost endeared himself to me last night, which I didn’t think was possible after how obnoxious I found him in Paradise. And ick, I felt so bad for Amanda when he carried her off the proposal podium in that positively drenched shirt! I’m still having a hard time wrapping my brain around Cevan/Evanly. How does someone go… Read more »

Missing summer already
Missing summer already
3 years ago
Reply to  Julie

@Julie At some point early in the show, I believe Carly spoke about her weakness for bad boys. I’m guessing that put her more in the rôle of supplicant, performing to please and always nervous about being messed about. It seems entirely plausible that she’s matured, developed a better self-image, and realized how nice it can be to be loved for who you are, matted hair and all.

Crystal
Crystal
3 years ago

Hehe……..matted hair and all!

Carol S.
Carol S.
3 years ago
Reply to  Lincee

Wondering if once they got past that very stringy, sloppy habanero longest kiss…and awkward smooch on the stairs…he delivered with some solid making out and she started to feel something was possible, a spark physically to go with a decent albeit quirky personality?

Shannon
Shannon
3 years ago

I’m really rooting for Carly and Evan even though I thought they were the most unlikely couple EVER. I adore Carly and I really hope she has found her “person” as she says on Instagram. I thought it was really touching when Jade came on skype and was getting choked up. So there must be some real in their relationship since Jade is her best friend.

Sue
Sue
3 years ago

What was happening with Nick’s right eye while Jen was telling him she loved him? Twitch? Something in his eye?

Jamey Jam
Jamey Jam
3 years ago
Reply to  Sue

He was reacting to the ocular electric shock system the BIP producers wired onto him. The producers told him, “Remember, Nick, you’re the Bachelor. Any time you show any emotion for this girl, we’re gonna shock you. Cut her loose, dude!”

Vicki
Vicki
3 years ago
Reply to  Sue

I thought the same thing, Sue, that he must have something in his eye. That was SO aco-taco!

Betsie
Betsie
3 years ago

Lincee– this show may disappoint but you never do! Fabulous recaps every week, thank you for suffering with/for us to watch faithfully! #CallMe is possibly the best hashtag I’ve seen all season!

Deebee
Deebee
3 years ago
Reply to  Betsie

Totally agree re #CallMe……………….hilarious!

Lisa
Lisa
3 years ago

Amanda’s little girls (bless their hearts) look less than thrilled with their mama’s love story!

Bananasinpajamas
Bananasinpajamas
3 years ago
Reply to  Lisa

Everyone deserves love – I fully agree to this. Has it ever been said what happened to Amanda’s ex? As a parent, I wouldn’t be okay with the kids being used as media fodder. I also wouldn’t be okay with the other parent being as “romantical” as Amanda was in the show or accepting a proposal.

Am I out to lunch here?

Sara
Sara
3 years ago

I totally agree with you, Bananas. While I fully support single parents finding love, I have a really hard time getting on board with the parents on this show. Their kids get thrown into the media circus whether they want it or not. Plus, just the concept of getting engaged after a few weeks is extremely problematic… maybe the dependent-free singles can afford to be a little adventurous, but for a parent that’s just plain irresponsible. How can you bring in a step-parent that you barely know? If I were Amanda’s ex, I’d be in court right now fighting for… Read more »

Carol S.
Carol S.
3 years ago
Reply to  Lisa

Right, like can you two please stop making out on the couch and please take us to Chuck E Cheese!!??

Babs
Babs
3 years ago

Lincee, thank you so much for your recaps! I SO lol forward to them. On the whole I thought it was a great season, most of what I did not like was editing like Josh’s groans…yuck! I actually liked the after show and agree the only thing that would make it better would be to replace Seam with you Lincee!

A in Spain
3 years ago

Am I the only one who thinks Jen is a total snoozefest? I can´t stand listening to her talk. She is so blah. Nick needs someone with a bit more color and personality. Josh and Amanda. Oh boy. I saw a comment somewhere about how she was like Belle choosing Gaston over the beast. So appropriate to this situation. I knew a guy JUST like him and it didn´t end well. I would love to know what Andi thinks about all this. Carly and Evan are so adorable. I was cheesin´ big time every time they were on screen. I… Read more »

Carol S.
Carol S.
3 years ago
Reply to  A in Spain

Agree Jen lacked the excitement and spontaneity of Kaitlyn.

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