Bachelor in Paradise recap: D’s New Lo

Bachelor in Paradise Episode 3, Season 4

Welcome to the emotional roller coaster that is Bachelor in Paradise where scantily clad men and women gather together to consume fruity alcoholic drinks as they try to figure out where someone else’s head is at.

It pained me to end that sentence in a preposition, but that is currently where my head is at, so this is where I stand because I have all the power.

You can’t stop the vibe. No matter how hard you try.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you Snap happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the Chick-Fil-A drive through girl who obsessed with This Is Us and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

Because we have several storms already a-brewin’, ABC tosses another dude into the mix carrying a date card and a creepy doll. That’s right! Adam Jr.’s Dad is back and he’s ready to party with — you guessed it — Raven.

Adam pulls a Danny and Sandy powwow to see who is vibing who. I adjust my document parameters so that Word stops autocorrecting V-I-B-I-N-G. Sadly, it is an actual term I will be using in the near future and I’m tired of changing it from vining every other paragraph.

The things I do for this show…

As I said, Adam admits that he’s interested in Raven and maybe Kristina. Ben and Robby eye each other, nervous that their love triangle may have just morphed into a love quadrangle. Dean stares blankly and Iggy the informer lets Adam know that “everyone is open” besides Taylor and Jaz. This is news to Matt, but he doesn’t say anything to contradict the relationship status.

Adam snags Kristina first. She looks pleased and admits that she hit it off with Dean, but she currently doesn’t know where they stand. Should Adam ask her out on a date, she would need to talk to him first before accepting. Adam mentally checks her off the list and heads to Raven.

We learn that Raven and Adam already met in Dallas during the hiatus, where they “hit it off” because Adam is so chill. I guess he’s confident where his head is at.

Adam: “What’s the 4-1-1?”
Lincee: “As if! Why are you pretending to be Cher Horowitz?”
Raven: “I like Ben. He’s a total Baldwin. Robby? Not so much. I don’t know what to do, but my goal in life is to be like Carly and find weird love in Paradise.”

Raven is deemed “dope” by Adam. He chooses to ignore his gut telling him to pick Kristina and instead listens to one of the voices in his head suggesting he ask Raven on her second date in 48-hours.

Her bright red romper outfit showcases so many cold things: clavicle, spine, ribs, shoulders, you name it. The piece was a feat of engineering and good for her for having the ability to keep everything in its place!

The duo talk about the good vibes they experienced in Dallas when they drank and danced together. She reminds him again that she wants “Carly love” and Adam tells her that anything is possible. Raven loves that he’s so blunt. She also knows that if she challenges him, and tells him something he doesn’t want to hear, he’ll be cool with it.

This was the part where I thought Raven was going to tell Adam that she liked Ben Z better. Instead they salsa danced in the street.

Meanwhile, Dean sleeps on the beach bed in the most uncomfortable looking position ever. He’s the new Corinne. Kristina wakes him up (not a good decision) and he doesn’t want to talk just yet because he needs to “shower and look pretty.” Kristina leaves in a huff spouting her signature “good talk” line.

Later, the boys manscape each other while the girls primp and preen. Everyone puts on their best linen outfits, wacky shirts, and bow ties. Hairspray, hair gel, pomade, and sculpting chutney come out in full force because a literal storm is threatening the rose ceremony and the last thing these people need is a wayward hair pulling focus.

Let the cocktail party begin!

Jack Stone grabs Sholphin and they have a conversation pretending that they have been vibing this entire time. Ben Z hits up Raven and manages to ignore both of her upper arm warmers in lieu of a serious conversation about both his dog and where her head is at. She claims she has no idea who she is going to give her rose to.

Fast forward a few hours and Raven is surrounded by all the boys at the bar. Adam steals her away so they can practice their salsa moves. He tells her that he’s an aggressive guy and that “sometimes you have to go for what you want.” Then he goes in for the kiss.

Poor Raven. It’s soooooo hard being the popular one of the group. How will she ever choose? Navigating the waters of Most-Desired is tough.

Robby is no idiot. He looks around at all the boys falling all over themselves to get a sniff of Raven and an in-depth look at that impressive top knot on her head. He zeros in on the limp gazelle on the outskirts of the herd. Amanda is his new quest.

But wait! Robby and Amanda’s ex-boyfriend/fiance she met on this exact show who is sweaty and likes pizza and hates Nick, but cannot be named is Robby’s good friend. THIS FEELS WEIRD!

Robby reminds Amanda that Anonymous lost his chance. He wants to kiss her with his man beard. Get ready girl, because Robby is coming in for a landing!

Amanda stops him. She’s not ready for a kiss. But she’s not saying that it will never happen. And from the looks of the next episode, it happens pretty quickly in the water. Patience, well-groom grasshopper.

Here’s where we stand with everyone else on the island:

  • Nick continues to have a serious relationship with rum.
  • Taylor and Derek are rarely on camera because they are rarely not horizontal.
  • Jasmine is happy she and Matt took “a break” because now they have it all figured out. Matt was never aware that they took a break, but he’s happy to sort-of vibe with Jaz so he can get her rose.
  • Iggy blesses Lacey’s wine with a Yiddish prayer. We’re not told how he Googled the phrasing. I have a feeling the ABC Intern was involved. Or Wells.
  • Lacey confesses to Diggy that she is not vibing Iggy. She reiterates this fact by kissing Diggy.
  • Dean wants Kristina to know that he wants to pump the brakes on their relationship. He wants to tell her this before the rose ceremony so she can gift her rose to someone else if she wants. There is no question where his head is at.
  • Alex, perfectly dressed in a pineapple shirt, hits on the Sholphin, Nashville Danielle, Lacey, Jasmine, and Kristina when Amanda tells him that he will NOT be getting her rose that night.

ROSE CEREMONY

There are eight roses and twelve guys. Once you do the math, it’s pretty easy to guess the four guys going home.

Taylor — Derek
Jaz — Mat
Raven — Adam
Sholphin — Jack Stone
Lacey — Diggy
Danielle — Ben Z
Kristina — Dean
Amanda — Robby

Nick, Alex, Vinny, and Iggy hit the rejection SUVs with faulty seat belts. It was touch-and-go there for a minute with Ben Z, but luckily Nashville saved the day and gifted him with her rose.

All is well in Paradise…until it isn’t.

The next morning Danielle L. from Nick season arrives in an ice blue dress that, according to Ben, she knows how to wear. You remember D-Lo, right? She’s the one who went on all the dancing dates with Nick, including the Backstreet Boys extravaganza.

All heads turn and the girls notice the boys reacting somewhere along the lines of this:

via GIPHY

This time D-Lo takes the girls to Danny and Sandy upstairs. The boys discuss her “positive, bubbly spirit, and great personality.” You know, all of the intriguing characteristics you can glean from a person after a twenty-second introduction.

Lacy announces that she wants to ask out either Dean or Ben Z. Lacy asks Kristina how she feels about this reality, to which Russia responds, “I want to lie down.” Instead, Nashville braids her hair in direct eyesight of D-Lo creeping on Dean.

Later, when everyone is lounging together on the beach bed, and after she talks to Ben, D-Lo asks Dean if he would like to join her on a date. He immediately responds in the affirmative and they leave together to get changed because D-Lo’s ice blue slit-up-to-there dress doesn’t really scream ATV riding.

Side Note: At this point in the episode, Sholphin and Jasmine fake fight in the hot tub, then they give color commentary while they watch Derek and Taylor nap. To quote Sholphin, they are killing paradise. Praise for the comic relief!

Okay. Back to the drama.

Dean finds Kristina in her cabana before he leaves on his date to see where her head is at. Kristina is strong. Her head is directly on top of her neck, where it’s supposed to be. She wishes Dean to have fun. She doesn’t want to hold him back, nor does she want to play second fiddle.

Dean giggles as D-Lo drives like a bat out of hell on their shared ATV. He loves that she can get dirty. They chit-chat about life. Her birthday is December 28, which is super hard falling near a major holiday. He admits that he thought she was interesting, even though he never watched Nick’s season. PS: He thinks she’s pretty. PSS: Nick is a boring person and D-Lo is glad she’s in Paradise. They kiss it out overlooking the ocean.

Back at the cabana, Kristina processes through what’s going on with the Dean she got to know in Kentucky. He’s different here. She doesn’t know if she supposed to trust his words or his actions?

Well, since his tongue is currently down D-Lo’s throat, I’d say his words are your best bet.

The Ds return to the cabanas and immediately belly up to the bar. Kristina wanders in, because it’s important for her to look like she doesn’t care what’s going on. She regrets her decision immediately and slinks off to the beach with Mama Amanda and Nashville close behind.

Dean feels all the feels. Ben Z an Diggy console him. Diggy wins the line of the night:

“You did what any guy would do. Say yes to the dress, man.”

The boys encourage Dean to take a drink to Kristina as a peace offering. She accepts. Dean tells her that the day consisted of ATV rides, not a lot of romance, a lot of talking on her part, a lot of listening on his, and oh yeah, there was a little peck at the end of the day.

Dean follows that up with a quick “I wanted you to know that” and “I told her we were pumping the brakes on our relationship.” For some reason Kristina receives this information as good news. She thanks Dean for telling her and proceeds to flirt, flirt, flirt.

Kristina is ready for a fight. Put on a sports bra, D-Lo, because Mother Russia is coming for YOU!

That night, all the gang heads to the beach so they can make some s’mores. Kristina is in the zone. Dean is right there with her. D-Lo’s cleavage pulls focus.

All is well in Paradise…until it isn’t.

Dean pops up and heads inside. The ABC Intern has baked a cake! So fun! How weird that it’s cut in half, but I’m willing to roll with it. So is everyone else, even though through the glow of the fire, they all wonder who looks sheepish enough to not tell the rest of the cast that it is his or her birthday.

Dean makes an announcement that it’s D-Lo’s half birthday and presents a watermelon cake up for her to enjoy!

What. A. Jack. Wagon.

This is the moment where Bachelor Nation officially turned on Dean for chaching it up in front of the entire cast.

Do I care if he likes Kristina or D-Lo? I do not. What I do care about is that he went home with Kristina THE ENTIRE TIME THEY WERE ON A BREAK. If he wasn’t feeling it when he came back, he needed to tell her that from the get-go.

Do I blame D-Lo for any of this? Nope. She can’t help that she’s going to give Raven a run for her money as Most Popular Islander. No one instructed her to NOT ask Dean on the date. It was public knowledge that they were pumping the brakes. Everyone knew it.

So why am I so upset? Because he flaunted it in Kristina’s face. Look, don’t make believe that you acknowledge half birthdays on a regular basis. No one’s buying it, Dean. Second, you clearly like D-Lo more than Kristina. END IT ALREADY WITH MOTHER RUSSIA. Finally, execute major brownie points celebrations on your own time instead of public all-cast s’mores parties.

Kristina has to take to her bed. She’s so distraught. Not as distraught as the Sholphin when D-Lo dropped the pizza in the sand, but distraught enough.

What did you think about Dean’s actions? Is he in the wrong? Do you think Kristina will move on to someone else in Paradise? My guess is a big, fat YES.

Photo By: ABC.com

Comments

92 Comments on "Bachelor in Paradise recap: D’s New Lo"

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astrogal
astrogal

Thanks for calling out a Jack Wagon when you see it, Lincee! “limp gazelle” was another highlight.

I’m always intrigued to find out who is a hot commodity in Bachelor world. DLo is certainly stunning, but it’s not like the other women were all chopped liver. Also: BEN Z. How is he not a hotter commodity? Is he too old know since he’s from several seasons back and might not be top in Instagram land? Also, the obsessive dog-loving edit they are giving him is kind of hilarious.

Jessica
Jessica

I don’t understand why the girls aren’t all going for Ben either! I think he’s the hottest one there, and definitely in my top three best-looking contestants ever.

Deebee

And he’s nice!!

Shannon
Shannon

LOVE Ben Z!

Kelly
Kelly

I know! Ben Z is SUPER HOT but awkward with the ladies! Needs more game. But I really like him. He needs a girl-next-door type ….

Babs
Babs

I am not a fan of Ben Z myself. He is okay looking, but way to obsessed with his body and his dog. I’m sure they did some creative editing but he had to have really mentioned that dog 5000 times for them to use it. We have not seen anything in terms of personality from him. He seems like a pretty dull guy. Again, I know they edit, but he rarely cracks a smile. Huge pass on Ben for me.

Lesly
Lesly

Ben also has a slight cross eye that I fixate on. I’m not into Ben and I love my dog.

Teagan Gray
Teagan Gray

Lesly, SAME here! I feel kinda bad saying it but all I could see was the crossed eye! I hadn’t noticed it ever before last night, but once I saw it, I was fixated!

Jennifer
Jennifer

Oh my goodness… “We (Ben and Raven) have so many things in common! We both have puppies. We both have dogs.” Ha, so many things.

Michelle
Michelle

I can’t stand DLo! She drives me INSANE. Her voice, the fake giggles, she’s making Taylor almost tolerable. She reminds me a bit of Caila, not in a good way. I’m sad for Kristina because I adore her, but she needs to shut it down with Dean. He wants to have his cake and eat it too (or give it to DLo, whatevs). I didn’t peg Dean for a player, but he is 25 and seems a bit immature. Sigh.

In other news, Alex was totally smarmy trying to flirt his way to a rose. I know that’s why they have to do to stay, but yuck. A lot of the guys left a bad taste in my mouth from that last night, but I was losing it over alex when he asked Lacey if she would swipe left or right for him. The Robby/Amanda thing is twisted and weird. I want to love Ben Z, but the dog thing! I know it’s editing and it’s cracking me up, but good grief.

I need to stop because I could write an essay on all my thoughts and feelings. I love your recaps!

Shannon
Shannon

Did anyone else notice how awkwardly DLo hugged everyone when she came in?? She basically was hugging everyone’s navel. Super weird.

Kelly
Kelly

YES!! So weird!

Jennifer
Jennifer

Yes! I thought of Rory Gilmore and her weird hugs instantly. I didn’t think anyone did that in real life. It made her look like a 7 year old.

Deebee

Yes, it also seemed like she was trying not to have her girls falls out of her dress.

Ann
Ann

The funniest part of the entire show (had me laughing out loud) was the seat belt episode with Vinnie. Loved it. So darn funny and very real—finally a good laugh in BIP.
I used to like Dean and still think he’s just being himself. He’s not being immature as someone else said. He is acting his age—–25 years old. I remember guys at that time in my life—–just like Dean. Have fun, Dean boy——date many until you are ready to settle down.

Babs
Babs

I am loving that they are keeping these outtakes in!

Cassie
Cassie

I feel like any shot Dean had at being the Bachelor was just lost. HOWEVER, I would LOVE to see Christina as the Bachelorette – she’s strong, smart and gorgeous.

Kelli
Kelli

Omg–I said the same thing about Dean–that he chached it up big time. I do have to say, I want to remind Raven that Carly had some rough moments in Paradise and she couldn’t STAND Evan at first—it wasn’t until he faked dying that she actually took notice.

Sholphin is GOLD in Paradise! She’s kind of the new Carly for me. Kevin likes her too.

Mother Russia needs to move on–with someone who isn’t a chach. And when is Damn Daniel showing up? (He is a chach so no, Mother Russia).

Janice
Janice

I agree with your Sholphin comment. I can’t believe that the guys are not seeing what a gem she is.

MinnesotaNice
MinnesotaNice

What does Kevin think of. Ben Z?

Wendy
Wendy

I truly hope Mother Russia moves on and fast! It is quite interesting that Taylor went into BIP hoping to redeem her reputation from Nick’s season and the Corinne/Emotional Intelligence drama and Dean went into BIP as “America’s beloved-derserving-of-love man” from Rachel’s season…and now he is Dean the Douchebag! I was completely shocked and disappointed when he gave D Law the half cake right in front of Mother Russia. How tacky!..At the same time Kristina needs to move on and pay him no more attention. It makes her look needy and she is MUCH better and smarter than that! I feel for her though. Dean is the master of mixed signals. He is an easy read to viewers that he is really into D Law. ..Pick one Douchebag Dean.

Loved your recap as always Lincee! So entertaining..

Favorite lines: “Later the boys manscape each other while the girls promo and preen.” Lmao! How true! What a sausage bro-fest thos season eh? It feels so different from the last couple of seasons. The men seem like they want to just party and hang with each other on a free holiday and ignore the girls until it’s time to work some lame magic to get a rose. Not feeling much chemistry between this group of girls and guys either. Rather disappointing. Too much Sandy and Danny pow-wows and interactions.

Other favorites Lincee are:
“Poor Raven. It’s soooooo hard being the popular one of the group. How will she ever choose? Navigating the waters of Most-Desired is tough.” – Poor poor Raven is right. What a problem to have. What is so great about her? She gets a lot of air time too. Yawn! I would rather see more Jasmine/Sholphin comic relief at this point until new beef arrives. Lol.

And this: “Robby is no idiot. He looks around at all the boys falling all over themselves to get a sniff of Raven and an in-depth look at that impressive top knot on her head. He zeros in on the limp gazelle on the outskirts of the herd. Amanda is his new quest.” – Too funny Lincee.

I also lol’d at the gif pic. Hilarious!

Vicki
Vicki

Kristina: Please note – ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’. Read the book – see the movie but just don’t waste anymore time on Dean the Jack Wagon! You deserve better.

Kelly
Kelly

Loved your recap, as always 🙂 Highlight of my day.

I’m no longer a fan of Dean! He seems incredibly immature to me and I was totally turned off by his “need to shower and look pretty” line. What man says that?? Seriously?
I sure do hope Kristina finds someone next week! She seems like a great girl.

Really want to see Ben Z. stick around, he’s so good looking but boy needs to step up his game! Also want to see Nashville Danielle find a good guy, too.

I’m glad Izzy and Alex are GONE. Next!!

LOL’ed at this line:
“Hairspray, hair gel, pomade, and sculpting chutney come out in full force because a literal storm is threatening the rose ceremony and the last thing these people need is a wayward hair pulling focus”.
What is UP with the fake lashes, extensions and crazy ‘do’s on these kids??

Shannon
Shannon

What a jack wagon is right! When Dean walked out with that cake I felt uncomfortable and I wasn’t even there! Yikes! No! Just no Dean! If he wants to pursue D Lo that is fine, but not in that way in front of Kristina. It was awful. I hope Kristina is finally done with him.

Allia
Allia

“He zeros in on the limp gazelle on the outskirts of the herd.” <<Best line 🙂
Am I the only one who is not at all surprised by Dean's behavior? He was a bit of a whiner during Rachel's season, he was super immature with his dad… classlessly chasing a hot skirt (or dress) seems exactly the next step to me. Kristina needs to drop this boy and find herself a man.
Also, I'm not attracted to any of the paradise guys this year. I'm really just sticking it out for the Wells scenes.

Rosa
Rosa

I agree Allia! These guys…. goobs. Except for Wells.

Babs
Babs

I agree too. It looks like they have something come up with Wells and Nashville? I hate to be this way, but hope that goes no where because I want Wells as the next Baxhelor!

tracee
tracee

100%….Dean just ruined his chances of being the next bachelor …I hope. His dad agreed to host the dinner for Dean. He didn’t want to be on tv. What a baby and how insensitive he is to Kristina’s feelings.

Helen
Helen

I thought that too Tracee!! Dean just ruined his chances at being The Bachelor. Peter is refusing the gig apparently, so Dean had a good shot at it. Probably didn’t realize it going into BIP.

Rosa
Rosa

I feel like Kristina knows Dean is “not that in to her” based on her comments. It’s plain as day to me, but she just won’t let go! Dean has no relationship or communication skills. He’s the last thing from a catch. And from what I’ve seen all he does now is hang out w/ Ashley I. Is he even an adult w/ a job?? NOT impressed! D Lo – she is very pretty but as in Nick’s season, she’s just a pretty face. All the giggling and “Like”s would drive me crazy. No depth. The rose ceremony men’s attire was horrific! And you didn’t mention the doily that Amanda was wearing when talking to Robby. Awful! I am not impressed with these people so far, but hopefully it’ll get better. LOVE your recap! I also read an article last week that Mike Fleiss said Peter was NOT going to be the next Bachelor. I think he’s pissed that Peter would not bow down and propose (if the article was even true) I’m hoping that he is. Dean could not possibly be a candidate after a few episodes of BIP.

Ann
Ann

I had turned on Dean even before the birthday incident. I do agree that was petty and mean. But, he’d already blown it because of his silly immaturity and lack of any ability to make conversation. No way that boy (and he’s a boy, not a man) could carry a season as the Bachelor. If he was campaigning, he’s blown it.

I agree with whoever said it above, but I’m seeing no good matches in the entire group so far, except I could root for Nashville and Wells. There’s no chemistry! And Robbie was so sweaty! Ick!

Deebee

Robbie looked gross, hahaha. I guess Amanda has a thing for sweaty guys.

Emily M.
Emily M.

Elon or Mills – can’t remember – came out after Fleiss and cleaned it up to say Peter is a top candidate. Maybe he called and reminded Fleiss of his high school yearbook?

Cassie
Cassie

I follow Peter on Instagram and it doesn’t appear that his career has suffered from being on The Bachelorette, I think his business is booming and he’s just fine where he is. Makes me like him even more!

Knox12
Knox12

Can we just make #WellsForBachelor a thing? I think it would be a hilarious season.

Shelley
Shelley

Add me to that list! He’s adorable, and nice and funny.

Kay
Kay

I’m beginning to wonder….since Peter didn’t cooperate, and Dean’s popularity has probably dropped through the floor…could they be “test-driving” Wells? Maybe putting him out there for BIP…creating intrigue, and if the buzz pans out, BOOM…WELLS will be the next Bach??
One can hope, right?

Teagan Gray
Teagan Gray

Kay, there might be some truth to that! I’ve been reading rumblings on the net , and people are saying that Fleiss is eyeing Wells to be the next bachelor. Apparently Peter was offered the lead and said No! Could all just be silly gossip, but it makes you wonder..

Kimber
Kimber

What about Texas Luke from JoJo’ season. Hawt

Amy H
Amy H

Wells for Bachelor, yes! Adorable, smart, self-deprecating. He’d be perfect.

Lisa
Lisa

Yes! Wells would be an awesome bachelor! Although I still think it would be cool if he made a love connection while tending bar in paradise!

Laura Jean

favorite: Robby reminds Amanda that Anonymous lost his chance. He wants to kiss her with his man beard. Get ready girl, because Robby is coming in for a landing!

Emily M.
Emily M.

Great line because Lincee is all of us , and we were all thinking, I don’t want that hairy beast on my face, especially in this humidity. I sat back down on my couch when she stopped it.

Zandi
Zandi

My thoughts:
-I’m loving Sholphin- she’s hilarious
-Dean is a super chach and Russia needs to move on
-I’m calling couch cushion on that Diggy/Lacey kiss
-For someone so pretty, Amanda has horrible taste in men
-Ben Z and his dog need to ‘get a room’

Cassie
Cassie

Yes! The Diggy/Lacey kiss was awful!

Also, I’m tired of watching the make-up melt off these poor girl’s faces. For crying out loud, you’re in Mexico in like 100% humidity, lose the foundation!

Donna
Donna

Agree! They all look so fake with the boob jobs, makeup and out of control lashes. When someone comes on with hardly any makeup, it’s refreshing. As much as I like Mother Russia, I think she may have abandonment issues or something. I feel bad for her and wish she’d get a backbone! I don’t get Jim Halpert’s attraction to Taylor. Her upspeak is redonkulous! And when will Robbie come out? Nothing wrong with that, either. Amanda, go home to your babies!

Lanna
Lanna

So many good lines, Lincee! The bromance this season is out of control. Did anyone even hear Matt tell Jasmine “I’m here for my friends and I’m here for you.” And she responded with being flattered. Ummmm, Jasmine – when you are listed AFTER his guy friends – you aren’t that special.
I think the limp gazelle line was the best.

Kristen Hamlin
Kristen Hamlin

Can we all just address the elephant in the room that was D-Lo’s “pants” on that date? Please tell me those aren’t a thing.

Can
Can

Those pants!!!!!!! The weirdest thing to come out of bip so far!

Shannon
Shannon

LOL!

Kristen Hamlin
Kristen Hamlin

And the transition into my mother is now complete, as I was like “Did she actually BUY those? With real money?”

Becalyn
Becalyn

horrifying, 1990 called and wants them back

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