Bachelor Peter Recap: I Didn’t Expect That

Get ready to fiesta because we are in Chile! It appears the producers are going to tour Latin countries so Pete can continue to impress the ladies with his Spanish II knowledge of the language.

Our cast of lovers and sort of likers and the one girl who is “meh” about the situation (¿como se dice “Kelley” in español?) are forced to sit at an outside cafe on the bustling streets of Santiago. Mykenna takes over crying duties from Kelsey and the rest cope by drinking large quantities of margaritas. 

Because I love you like a bachelor contestant leaving on a one-on-one date, I’ve categorized my thoughts into a handy playlist.

1. I Wanna Know What Love Is by Foreigner

Peter crashes the margarita party and steals young Hannah Ann away to explore the city for a day. They dance in the street (cringe-worthy), shove a mayonnaise-covered hotdog in each others’ face (unacceptable), and talk to old people about the secret of marriage. We learn that Hannah Ann has never really been in love before. When Peter asks her, “WHY IS THIS, WOMAN?” her answer has something to do with “the direction of someone’s heart” and where they are at. 

This is puzzling to Peter for some reason. Not me. The child is 23-years-old. Her lack of real life love should not bother him. What’s more intriguing is why Peter wears a coat on his date and three layers at dinner when Hannah Ann is literally in a white doily dress held together by transparent mesh. 

Peter tries to get to the bottom of Hannah Ann’s lack of love molecules in her genetic makeup and is pleased when Hannah tells him that “you only catch minnows in the shallow.” She prefers to go deep.

Somewhere at a Szechuan Garden Chinese restaurant in Knoxville, Hannah Ann’s headshot is proudly displayed behind the cash register with a plaque that reads, “This month’s fortune cookie message winner!” 

Peter appreciates that Hannah Ann is hunting for bigger prey, but he can’t seem to grasp if marriage is what the young model wants. Does she even know what love is at this point? He takes to the courtyard and finds a quiet corner to think, just as his muse Victoria F. taught him to do when he’s overwhelmed. 

Hannah Ann senses that her big fish is about to get away. So she runs to him and turns on the waterworks so he will realize just how serious she is about this experience. After a small speech about smiling through the pain of being in a room with nine other girls who love Peter equally, she shares her true feelings. They’ve only spent a collective six hours together, but she knows that she’s falling in love with him.

Is it love she’s feeling? Or the questionable hot dog she ate earlier in the day? Time will tell. 

Our bachelor is so pumped that Hannah Ann finally understands what love is and he rewards her discovery with a date rose. 

2.  Livin La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin

The girls and Pedro gather on a sound stage of a telenovela to prove that none have a future in the on-screen media business. Each is given a role to play and Pedro kisses them all, excluding Kelley, who is dressed as an old lady. Let the record show that even though there are naughty nurses and scantily clad neighbors, Kelley is all about Pedro falling in love with abuela. She even gives herself the title of GILF: Grandma I’d Like To…Fantasy Suite. 

Mykenna is not only upset that she has yet to receive a one-on-one, but she’s been given the role of “background maid.” She has the privilege of being in every scene. That way she has a front-row seat to Peter making out with everyone else. She’s so distraught that she packed her bags before the group date, convinced that she was going to go home after. 

Things take a turn when the script calls for Peter to realize that love has been in front of him all along in the form of the maid. He dramatically dips Mykenna and kisses her passionately. Mykenna’s attitude flips and she beams with pride. PETER LOVES HER!

Uh, no Mykenna, Pedro loves the maid. It’s called ACTING. 

That night at the cocktail party, everyone is dressed to the nines. Mykenna is in a hot pink pant suit. Kelsey is clad in leather. And Natasha even gets to keep her telenovela hair! 

Victoria P. whisks Peter away to make sure all is copacetic with “the Alayah issue.” She sits in his lap, giggles a bit about how they hit that silly ole lull, and kisses his hand. Peter does not giggle back, nor does he return the kiss. Victoria senses something is amiss and suggests that they “move forward” and “focus on what’s in front of us” and “their future together.”

She kisses his hand again. And dismisses all of the red flags flying in her face.

Peter begins his soliloquy with, “I don’t want to do anything to hurt you,” which is always followed by some sort of pain. He hems and haws enough for Victoria to interrupt with, “What are you trying to say? Are you saying you don’t want me to be here?”

That’s what he’s saying, Vic. You’re just as surprised as I am. 

In a nutshell, Peter doesn’t see The Vick as his future wife. And this HURTS HIM. He apologizes for his lack of lovey dovey feelings. 

Vick channels her inner Miss Louisiana, plasters on a smile, and tells him not to worry about her feelings. SHE IS FINE. She is, however, concerned about him and if he’s capable fo making the right decision. PS: “This is the last conversation we will have.”

She then turns to the producers/handlers and asks for a cab. He will NOT be walking her to the rejection vehicle. He will be following her. 

Ever the lady, she stand there politely as he moans on about how great she is (she knows) and how wonderful it was to meet her (the feeling is not mutual).

3. Bad Blood by Taylor Swift

Peter tries to forget about dumping Victoria P. by making out with Madison. They break apart mid lip-lock due to the screaming match going on inside the mansion. It seems that Tammy has a problem with Mykenna. And that problem is that Mykenna is a baby child at 22-years-old and can’t possibly know what she wants in life.

Since Tammy is a solid two years older than Mykenna, she gets to give her adult advice like “grow up” and “stop being a BLEEP.” 

Mykenna reports this aggressiveness to Peter. He gives the rose to Madison. Everyone goes home exhausted from the drama. 

4. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2

Why yes, this is Victoria F.’s second one-on-one. Did Peter gift her with a second chance because things became so awkward with her ex-boyfriend Chase Rice? You betcha. 

What better way to show you care than to crawl under a horse to prove you are calm, cool, and collected? Follow that up with a Chilean rodeo and a barbecue and you’ve got a recipe for love. And meat sweats. 

While alone in a cart in the middle of a field, Peter learns that Victoria F. is second guessing a bit. She’s clueless about what she wants and she can’t seem to verbalize her concerns to the one guy who is desperate to know. Things do not progress at dinner. In fact, they go backwards when Peter accuses Vicky of sabotaging their relationship. 

Victoria retreats to a dark corner and processes through her emotions with her handler. She’s TRYING but she just DOESN’T KNOW.

I have no idea what she’s trying to do and haven’t a clue what she doesn’t know. What I do know is that I don’t trust her. These indecisive people typically act this way so they can stay a little longer on the show. She couldn’t care less about Peter. Why? Because his name is not Chase Rice. 

Victoria claims that “she isn’t ready” and Peter deserves someone who is confident. She’s sad that she can’t figure her own self out and he’s along for the ride as she processes through her emotions. Peter assures Vic that he’s totally fine dealing with her emotions. And he gives her the date rose to prove it. 

5. Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J

The dreaded two-on-one date card arrives and no one is surprised by the names written on the piece of paper in girly handwriting: Tammy and Mykenna. The best part was the “enough is enough” tagline. 

Mykenna wears a bubble gum pink dress with a cold under boob. She tells Tammy that she will NOT make her feel small and weak anymore. She is strong, proud, and LOVE WILL ALWAYS WIN. 

Peter takes Tammy to the couch first. Tammy informs our bachelor that she has been “collecting information” and reports that Mykenna is only here for her brand. It’s hashtag city. Additionally, she packed her bags to go home after the telenovela date. Talk about not being here for the right reasons. Tammy is only saying this so she can protect her “relationship” with Peter.

During her turn, Mykenna reports that Tammy enjoys bringing people down. When Peter asks about the packed bags, our favorite tongue girl reminds Peter that she was having a bad week because not getting a one-on-one hit her hard. But their passionate kiss changed everything and she is ready to get married tomorrow. 

Peter sits down between the two fo them, warns that he can’t keep them both at this point, and escorts Tammy out the door. Mykenna is relieved that Peter has just affirmed his feelings for her and begins picking out swatches for her bridesmaid dresses. Her colors will be blush and bashful. 

6. Kiss From a Rose by Seal

Along with Victoria F.’s rodeo rose, Hannah Ann’s “falling in love with you” rose, and Madison’s “thank you for being normal” rose, Peter takes great pride in busting up my bracket.

After a loooooong pause, the next rose is bestowed to Kelsey. I guess he considers her a sure thing and wants to keep her around just in case. 

Natasha is the next name called and I do this at the TV:

And Kelley’s name is called as the final rose. 

Sydney, the girl he shared a little soft-core porn with in the jungle waterfall the day before, gets a token “I enjoyed meeting you” as her good-bye.

Mykenna got a wink and a smile, but it’s okay because she’s more in love with herself than ever before.

I have no idea how this is going to end. And I’m glad I don’t do spoilers because THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! My guess? Kelley doesn’t give him enough to think she’s in this to win this. Also, I don’t think Kelley is in this to win this. 

Victoria F. doesn’t like him and is going to go as far as she can to hopefully either score a spot in Paradise or maybe the next bachelorette. Kelsey would marry him tomorrow if he asked. Hannah Ann wants more Instagram followers. There’s no way this girl is ready to be married.

Natasha is just as shocked as the rest of us and HOPEFULLY gets a one-on-one next week. And Madison is the normal one who will accept whatever happens because she’s cool and chill. And probably the virgin. 

Photo By: abc.com
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Libby
Libby
3 months ago

Rumor has it Natasha is good friends of one of the producers, so that may have something to do with her inexplicably sticking around. I was shocked he sent home Best Kisser Sydney, I thought he was really into her. I almost wonder if him sending her home was producer-driven due to rumors starting to come out. I’ve even heard one that Hannah Brown has a restraining order against her, which I don’t know if there is any actual evidence of but it’s definitely one I’ve seen being thrown around in multiple places.

Mollie A
Mollie A
3 months ago
Reply to  Libby

Sydney rumors?

Kelli
Kelli
3 months ago

Kevin can’t believe you didn’t mention OHCH’s cameo in the telenovela.

Sara
Sara
3 months ago
Reply to  Kelli

OMG! Me too. I was totally waiting for Lincee’s reaction. I thought it was hilarious.

Marg
Marg
3 months ago
Reply to  Kelli

I don’t understand this “bit” with Kevin. Am I missing the joke?

Leslie
Leslie
3 months ago
Reply to  Marg

Kevin is her dog he watches Bachelor with Kelli and “posts” his own observations from time to time.

Libby
Libby
3 months ago
Reply to  Leslie

I love Kevin comments.

Kelli
Kelli
3 months ago
Reply to  Libby

Kevin has his own FB page if you are interested–Kevin Heflin, Bachelor Dog

Rebecca
Rebecca
3 months ago
Reply to  Kelli

The Kevin thing is super annoying.

michelle
michelle
3 months ago

I am shooketh! Natasha seemed peripheral and he seemed wayyyyy into Sydney. Did we miss something?? She took the good bye gracefully. Truthfully I was not impressed with Sydney on Monday the way she spoke to Tammy (even though Tammy was wrong) and pretended she herself never brought up other girls with Peter. Anyhoo, I am seriously questioning Peter’s decisions. Victoria F is clearly not into him and is just confused by the process. She wants to stay but probably has no true interest in peter. I feel bad for Victoria P. There is something up with her and they… Read more »

Melita
Melita
3 months ago
Reply to  michelle

agree!

Shelley
Shelley
3 months ago
Reply to  michelle

Yes please!

Sara
Sara
3 months ago
Reply to  michelle

I could definitely get behind Kelley for bachelorette.

Evy
Evy
3 months ago
Reply to  michelle

Kelley for bachelorette is a catch-22 – the reasons she would make the best bachelorette are the same qualities that make her the most likely to turn down the opportunity!

Dee
Dee
3 months ago
Reply to  michelle

Kelley as bachelorette would be awesome! She’s got my vote.

Leslie
Leslie
3 months ago
Reply to  michelle

Kelley as the Bachelorette with normal, mature men would be amazing!

Donna Giles
Donna Giles
3 months ago

lolol “blush & bashful”! Love you, girl.

Shelley
Shelley
3 months ago

Victoria F could teach a masterclass based on ‘The Rules’. Keep him off balance. He starts to question you, look up at him adoringly. He’s feeling better about your relationship? Back off and make him question what he can do to make you crazy about him. And repeat. Ugh. I don’t follow who’s buds with whom once they’re back home (although I know Hanmah and Kelsey are cool post champagne drama) so I don’t know if Tammy was playacting or really systematically throwing women under the bus. Was the goal to intel And tattle the crap out of each woman… Read more »

CAROLE ANN KING
CAROLE ANN KING
3 months ago

If Victoria F. can’t maintain eye contact how can she be in love

Cindy S
Cindy S
3 months ago

I am sooooo over most of these girls. Victoria F is driving me crazy with her constant hair touching and ‘like like like’ as every 3rd word she utters. And she is ‘scared’ of every activity they do to get sympathy and then nails whatever it is she’s uncomfortable about. MyKenna is so insecure and immature and that tongue thing has got to stop! And I don’t remember Peter ever kissing her except for ‘pecks’ and at the acting gig. I was glad when he ended up not getting the rose. Kelsey cries over everything! I agreed with everything Tammy… Read more »

Kelli
Kelli
3 months ago
Reply to  Cindy S

None of these girls are right for him because he’s still in love with Hannah Brown.

Lara
Lara
3 months ago
Reply to  Kelli

Kelli, not sure if they let people do this (probably not) but I picture Peter calling Hannah B. at the end of each day of filming to “process” the crazy, and her saying “now you know how I felt!”. They can bond over the “unique” experience of sort of dating a bunch of tipsy suitors with motives you can’t quite pin down until the “tell all”. I like Peter; he seems sweet and sincere.

Crystal
Crystal
3 months ago
Reply to  Cindy S

Cindy, I agree with you on Tammy. She handled it completely wrong but I too agreed with everything she was saying! I wish she wouldn’t have been mean about it, she should’ve just vented all that stuff to the camera in the ITMs.

Sara
Sara
3 months ago

Love the soundtrack, Lincee! Perfect! Hannah Ann is way too young. Not just in her age. It’s not so much about her age (isn’t Madison also 23?), but more about how she acts. I thought Kelley’s abuela was pretty funny. She had fun with it. Totally shocked he kept Natasha over Sydney. I like Natasha, but we’ve barely seen them together. I do not get what is going on with Victoria F. I think maybe she came on the show for exposure, never expected to get this far, and now that it looks like Peter has real feelings involved, she’s… Read more »

Libby
Libby
3 months ago
Reply to  Sara

I got that exact same vibe from Victoria F. She didn’t expect him to actually fall in love with her but he totally has and she started to panic.

Jeni
Jeni
3 months ago

I think Victoria F likes Peter the way Cassie liked Colton…. just enough to stick around to the end.
Hannah Ann is adorable but she definitely cried for fear of going home and not due to any pressure whatsoever. I don’t understand how she said despite a long term relationship she never fell in love but after a few minutes she’s totally falling for Peter. Way to tell him what he was hoping to hear.

Libby
Libby
3 months ago
Reply to  Jeni

I think Hannah Ann is totally just here for the insta followers and boost to her modeling career and she is just trying to give perfect pageant answers to all Peter’s questions and, surprisingly, Peter finally caught onto it. At least for a minute before he let himself be swayed by her manufactured tears. Also, anyone else weirded out that he seems to require women to cry in order to feel like they’re there for the right reasons (right reasons)? Like when Hannah Ann started crying he was like “THIS is what I want to see.” You want to see… Read more »

Yesi
Yesi
3 months ago
Reply to  Libby

SO weirded out! Like he needs to see them break down as “proof” that they have feelings for him. Nevermind how it probably gives him a “rescuer” boost and makes him feel in control.

FaninAZ
FaninAZ
3 months ago
Reply to  Jeni

Agree. there are so many reasons a girl can cry. Embarrassment, frustration, anger, fear, etc. Just because she is crying when you confront her, does not mean that she is in love with you, or has any feelings of love for you at all. Tears should not be the sign you’re looking for that she loves you.

Ross
Ross
3 months ago

Loved the Hanna Ann short program costume.

Looking toward the fantasy suites, who??? Kelley and Vicky F. wouldn’t; Natasha won’t be around by then; Kelsey shouldn’t be, but would be a sure thing. She will be broken hearted no matter, but the longer she stays, the more painful. That leaves Hanna Ann and Madison. Who else? Hanna Brown? Maybe she’s waiting in the wings anyway.

Totally agree with the others, above, Kelley would be the best batchelorette ever!

Susan B.
Susan B.
3 months ago
Reply to  Ross

If you read the ABC bio of each contestant, you’ll see that Madison is super religious and looking for someone who shares her belief system. She wants a ton of kids, to be a missionary, and to open an orphanage some day. Is that Peter? If she makes it to the Fantasy Suite, I’d expect a lot of talking. (And zero windmills.)

Tammy
Tammy
3 months ago

Natasha reminds me of Jerry Rice. Anyone?

Michele
Michele
3 months ago
Reply to  Tammy

I didn’t recognize it until I read your comment, but YES! I think Jerry Rice and Natasha look like they could be brother and sister! I also realized that Sydney kind of reminded me of a young Phoebe Cates. I was very shocked that Sydney was sent home. The chemistry between Victoria F and Peter must be super strong in Peter’s mind. What guy would want to waste his time with a scared, weepy, indecisive woman whose vocabulary consists primarily of the word “LIKE”? One last comment–Tammy (the contestant, not the poster)! I’m so disappointed in you! You are smarter… Read more »

Yank
Yank
3 months ago
Reply to  Tammy

THAT’S who it is!!! Thank you. Could not put my finger on who she reminded me of…

Erin
Erin
3 months ago

This is the first time Peter has actually made the decisions I would have made. It feels like he actually cut out the drama makers! I heard Ben (Peter Brady) say once that sometimes you keep around girls who are just fun to talk to because so often the conversations are just so repetitive. So my theory is that he doesn’t plan on picking Natasha, but would rather spend time with her because she does seem like a fun friend to him. Sydney and Mykenna might just be exhausting conversations or he felt like he was keeping them from getting… Read more »

Shannon
Shannon
3 months ago

So much drama…and so many mean girls! Victoria F mocking Mykenna was icky! Way too much vocal fry too! My ears hurt haha

Kim
Kim
3 months ago

I feel like they are grooming Natasha to be the next Bachelorette. I would not be sad–I like her.

Karen
Karen
3 months ago
Reply to  Kim

I like Nat too, but the way she drops her chin and stares through her eyebrows drives me bonkers. I don’t know if I’d want to see a whole season of that.

Ross
Ross
3 months ago
Reply to  Kim

Dunno. She doesn’t get much camera time, plus, she’s no Rachel. My theory is that they are grooming Kelley. Why else would they keep her around so long when it’s obvious, to me at least, that she’s not gong to marry Pete?

faninAZ
faninAZ
3 months ago
Reply to  Kim

Yup! He likes her, but isn’t passionate about her. She’s cool, though, and I’d def watch if she was bach’ette!

Dee
Dee
3 months ago
Reply to  Kim

Natasha would be a great bachelorette, I’d be on board for that! Love her level headedness and how she tells it like it is.

Yesi
Yesi
3 months ago

Peter sure love crazy! The red flags whiz on by unseen.

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