Bachelor Peter Recap: I Love That
8: Number of denim panties represented in Costa Rica
1: Number of roses handed out NOT at a rose ceremony
22: Number of stitches in Peter the Pilot’s head
SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you follow on InstaStory happens to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the Orange Theory trainer who’s obsessed with the new Little Women movie and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.
Three hours, people. Three hours of emotional crying and unnecessary bleeding, and sailor cursing and Jupiter ascending.
And that’s AFTER Alayah was kicked off the show. Again.
Indeed, after all the impressive melodrama surrounding the once jilted contestant’s road trip to Cleveland, Peter the Pilot proceeds to give Alayah the date rose and then takes it away almost immediately in the opening minutes of this episode.
Alayah falls halfway on her sword, hinting that she would have taken herself out of the race anyway, since the house is full of mean girls. Peter ends up asking if he can walk her out to the rejection SUV. He forgot to ask if she needed a cardigan to cover her boobs.
What are the odds she shows up on Monday night? I’d bet they are high. Third time’s a charm, right?
Peter returns to the women at the cocktail party and assures them that he is 1.) a human who makes mistakes and 2.) please don’t think he’s wishy washy. He then has some alone time with each woman, promising them all that he can see them. And hear them. And they are all super awesome.
At the (first) rose ceremony, roses are given to everyone, excluding Deandra, Savannah, and Kiarra. It’s okay if you don’t know any of those women, because no one does.
After all the girls shout, “LOVE YOU” to the losers, Peter gathers them in a circle so they can toast their next destination. Thanks to the Cleveland announcement, there was quite a dramatic pause after Peter declares, “We’re going to…”
Here’s a list of what was shouted out during this moment at my watching party:
Iraq
Milwaukee
Siberia
Buford, Wyoming
His parents’ house
No one guesses Costa Rica, which is actually where the tribe is headed, according to the handy animated map. Once the group arrives, Peter reflects in an infinity pool as the women all agree that since Alayah is gone, they will finally be rid of drama.
Kiss of death.
Peter arrives outside the women’s jungle suite in a helicopter wearing khaki pedal pushers and boat shoes. He’s also wearing an impressive collection of sterile strips congregating on his forehead. We’ve finally reached the point in this journey when Peter injures himself. But how did it happen?
Our terrible storyteller/bachelor tries to convince the women that a puma crossed his path when he was exploring a volcano like a real man. Five believed him. They were all under 25-years-old.
The truth is that Peter banged his head into a golf cart and slammed a bourbon glass against his forehead at the same time. We were treated to a re-enactment, but it wasn’t as good as security footage of the real thing:
OUCHIE!
The girls giggle at Peter’s sparkling personality and miraculously avoid commenting on his manpris. He then takes Sydney’s hand and leads her to the helicopter so they can properly explore the volcano in front of them.
Peter is excited to get to know Sydney better. She’s mysterious. She’s not scared to move anywhere in the world, like California. She’s blessed with a diverse family. And she’s the best kisser on the show. Quadruple threat.
Meanwhile, Kelsey is losing it. Depending on who you talk to, she’s emotionally distraught, drunk, a pill popper, or all three. Hannah Ann does a great job nodding along as Kelsey whines about how her boyfriend is dating other people and it’s soooooo haaaaaarrrrrrrddddd to watch.
Champagne-gate is so last month.
Kelsey doesn’t get as much support from Tammy. The woman is tired of the constant crying and wants Kelsey to get over it. She knows exactly what she signed up for (preach) and Tammy thinks Kelsey should suck…it…up. And by the way, what does she have against Sydney anyway?
Kelsey is quick to correct Tammy that she doesn’t have a problem with Sydney. She’s cool. She’s also a BLEEPING BLEEP. (Rhymes with mucking witch.)
This makes all the sense in the world. Tammy leaves Kelsey to drown in her own tears before going to the other girls to complain about how Kelsey has been crying straight for four days.
Tammy: “I don’t think I cried that much when my grandpa died.”
Back at the volcano, Sydney tells Peter that she was raised by a single mom. She’s seen her dad five times in her life and was bullied so much that she had to eat her lunch in the bathroom every day. Thanks to my friend Paula for sending me a picture from Sydney’s yearbook:
It’s called E-X-A-G-E-R-A-T-I-O-N. Sydney is in it to win it!
Peter wants to be Sydney’s rock. He proves this by helping her remove her hot pink what looks like a dress but it really a coverup so things can progress in an aquatic environment. Peter is Sydney’s rock inside the hot tub, outside of the hot tub, on the edge of the hot tub, and every horizontal position known to the copulating world.
Two things:
1. This is the moment when I worry for Peter’s well-being. Volcano jungle water is bound to have some sort of bacteria in it, right? After the years I’ve clocked watching Grey’s Anatomy, I know that he should not be sloshing around in that filth with an open wound, butterfly strips or not. IT’S A BREEDING GROUND FOR INFECTION, PETER.
2. I’d like to personally thank ABC for the thorough use of the Black Modesty Box and trust they will continue to utilize it’s function in Peter’s future endeavors.
GROUP DATE
Shiann, Kelsey, Vicky F, Madison, Natasha, Victoria , Lexi, Hannah Ann, Tammy, and Mykenna
“Let’s capture our love today”
The girls look at the shot list and see that it’s denim panty day in the jungle. Fabulous.
When they arrive at the edge of a waterfall, they are delighted to learn that they will be participating in a Cosmopolitan magazine photoshoot! The March issue no less! From Hannah Ann’s reaction, this is clearly a big deal.
What are we looking for? Confidence, fun, wit, boldness, risks, and representing who you are on camera. And the one who does it best will get to be on the cover with Peter! Hooray! Pick your revealing bikinis, ladies, and get to primping.
The photographer decides that they need to group up for their photoshoots and encourages the girls to “step it up a bit” and “be more dramatic.” This constructive criticism results in things like Victoria F. hardcore making out with Peter as Kelsey and Vicky P. stand there like idiots. The same goes for Tammy and Mykenna as Hannah Ann puts her tongue down Peter’s throat.
Wouldn’t you want to cherish this memorable moment forever?
Victoria F. is deemed the lucky winner. I’m pretty sure Kelsey cried about it while steam protruded from Hannah Ann’s professional model ears. The wardrobe people put Vicks and Pete in matching red bathing suits and make them hardcore make out AGAIN in front of a beautiful waterfall while the other girls watch.
Shortly after the photoshoot aired, Cosmopolitan issued a statement regarding Victoria F. and why they had sense PULLED the cover. You can read all about that HERE.
At the cocktail party that night, the girls were in rare form. They had a lot to talk about in a short amount of time:
Victoria F: Upset that she just turned 26 and is an old maid now.
Hannah Ann: Proud of herself that even though she’s been on a thousand group dates, she gives one-hundred-percent, because she knows that’s what Peter would want her to do.
Kelsey: Apologizes for being weird on group dates and follows that statement up with, “I’m falling in love with you.” She and Peter slow motion kiss for a long time. Not once did he say, “I like that.”
Tammy: Tells Peter that Kelsey had a mental breakdown because of Sydney. She drinks excessively and is struggling a lot.
Peter takes this news and asks Kelsey if she’s off her rocker. She explains the difference between emotional and emotional breakdown. Then she goes to the other women to inquire who exactly told Peter she was knitting with only one needle?
No one responds. Natasha suggests they journal about their hard times. Lexi thinks they should just talk about them. My roommate Lara proposes peppermint oil and prayer. That works about half the time for us.
Additionally, I’d like to point out that Mykenna’s body glitter is undoubtedly all up in Peter’s sterile strips by now. If the volcano jungle water doesn’t take him down, shimmering powder will be the next logical culprit.
Peter walks in and everyone zips it, plastering on innocent smiles. Peter gives the date rose to someone who was super honest. That would be Hannah Ann. Kelsey, the one who professed her love to this man minutes before, tries to hold back the tears. Tammy does not hold back an eye roll.
SECOND ONE-ON-ONE
Kelley
First of all, Kelley needed to rethink her striped pants. Second of all, Peter thinks their relationship has reached a plateau and needs two Costa Rican shamans to help them through their funk using Jupiter’s energy. Fantastic.
They cleanse, light a few phallic male/female candles, sit in the dirt, and watch as a pendulum swings in the wrong direction. Uh oh. The female is pushing back. What are we going to do? They are totally not on the same level!
The shamans blindfold Kelley and instruct Peter to use his voice to guide her through circles in a maze in order to get to him. Think about the puzzle on the back of a Cheerios box as your visual. Because this is an elementary circle at best, Kelley reaches her man in no time and they kiss because Peter so badly wants to be on the same level as the woman he is clearly attracted to.
But he must get to the bottom of the pendulum swing. What gives, Kelley? Being the normal woman who definitely knits with two needles, Kelley admits that she’s not on the same wavelength as Peter. She compares it to Hannah Ann and how they are two different people in two different places in their lives. (Read: Hannah Ann is a fetus and Kelley is a full-grown woman with a real job.)
Peter balks at this. Probably because he thinks Kelley is comparing him to an immature person who doesn’t have a life. He thinks that their connection could be better and wants to know why she isn’t giving it her all. She needs to give it her all so he won’t look stupid if he picks her in the end and she doesn’t like him that much. JUST CONFESS YOUR LOVE LIKE KELSEY, YOU WEIRDO.
Kelley holds her ground. She tells him that she doesn’t know if she likes this environment and that she has a hard time figuring out her role. But she’s committed to the process. She doesn’t like the way he rewards drama (hallelujah!) because no person who is willing to get married soon would put up with that. Honestly, if he were to propose tomorrow, she’d say no.
Lawyered.
Kelley wants someone to be her other half. She wants to be a power couple and desires a mate who can challenge her. It’s who she is and she’s working on it. She promises Peter she will trust the process by giving it her all. He rewards her good behavior with a rose.
Then they get in another collection of volcano jungle water and my stress level raises and the hives return. He’s forehead skin is going to flake off in chunks. I just know it.
Back at the house, Kelsey and Tammy argue again because this is what we do now. Tammy claims that she correctly called Kelsey out for drinking too much, which is countered with, “I was buzzed not wasted.” Tammy is also concerned for Kelsey’s well-being and doesn’t think her actions show that she knows how to cope in a healthy way.
Kelsey begins crying and leaves the room. She fixes her hair, contours her nose, puts on her favorite denim panties, and waltzes to Peter’s place so she can tell him that she does not drink to cope. She easily cries because, remember, SHE LOVES HIM, and she doesn’t want to share her business with the other people. She takes this way more seriously than everyone else combined, gosh darnit.
Peter rewards her behavior with a rose. He just leaves the reflecting pool, wanders over to the ABC Intern, requests a red rose, and gives it to Kelsey. Which means Kelsey has to share this news with the other ladies who are halfway dressed right now, wondering why they are all gathered on the veranda in the precious moments leading up to a rose ceremony.
Kelsey: “Hey, soooo, I had a conversation with Peter. I wasn’t expecting this, but I’m not going to hide it. I addressed my concerns and he gave me a rose. Totally his deal.”
Eleven faces give her death stares.
ROSE CEREMONY
Mykenna is devastated with a capital D when Our Host Chris Harrison waltzes into the room to tell the primped women that there will NOT be a cocktail party tonight, thanks to Peter’s head wound which is now infected.
This sparks a HUGE fight among a variety of the women. Tammy wants to know if Kelsey said anything to Peter about her during her little jaunt to his place. Kelsey says yes. Mykenna complains that Peter will never know how wonderful she is as a person and then lines the outside of her lips with her tongue to make her point.
Sydney makes sure that everyone knows she would never talk about anyone else during one-on-one time with Peter because that’s just stupid. Then Kelsey’s pill popping and drinking tendencies become a public debate. Kelsey wants the women and the world to know the only pills she pops are Adoral and birth control.
Lexi gets in on the action, irritated that “this stupid fight” is the reason they aren’t having a cocktail party. Also, Kelsey isn’t a drunk. Tammy is just spreading rumors. Vicky P. gets involved and then begs to not be involved as Tammy implores that she’s just looking out for Kelsey and her emotionally unstable ways.
Somehow Sydney and Tammy get into a verbal argument. Tammy calls Sydney a princess diva, which presumably is a title that was passed down from Alayah now that she’s halfway back to Texas. They yell at each other, causing Mckenna’s tongue to work extra hard.
The girls are shepherded into the rose ceremony room. They all line up on the official rose ceremony bleachers. Peter comes out, gives a little speech, and then picks up the first rose of the night.
Tammy: “I’m sorry Peter, can we go somewhere and talk?”
Tammy and Peter hide in a corner. She wants to know if Kelsey said something. She also wants him to know she’s there to focus on her relationship with him. But before Peter can answer, Mykenna steals Peter away from Tammy and has her own time.
Lexi: “I guess I’ll go next since this rose ceremony just turned into a cocktail party.”
Unfortunately, Lexi doesn’t get a chance to talk to Peter alone. She and Shiann are out. Before she exits the building, Shiann warns Peter that some girls are not there for the right reasons.
No way.
Make sure to fill out your bracket for THIS WEDNESDAY because we’re doing it all over again!
Why do they cry, wipe their eyes then look at their fingers?
I suppose to see if their mascara is running??
Oh the drama. Peter needs to shut it down. Instead, he so very stupidly gives Kelsey a rose right before a rose ceremony knowing how the girls are already treating her. Why can’t he play the end game instead of living in the little moments?!
And poor Peter is actually realizing Kelley is just not that into him. Good for her for figuring out how to get a few more stamps in the passport. Having a real job… she deserves a vacation.
So much for the little ‘why do you reward drama’ chat, as Peter did the same damn thing the next day. Ugh. Kelley will be part of a power couple, it just won’t be with him. She’s extremely interesting, he is a sweetie who loves having lots of makeout seshes and sex multiple times a night. Not exactly interesting. I think the only one who has stayed out of the fray is Madison. Victoria F is giving off a real bitch vibe. From I’m so embarrassed to walk the runway to going for it on the Cosmo date (and kudos to them for axing that cover, and by golly, she had modeled before).
I thought JJ Watt was hilarious on SNL, Lincee, I thought about you during the Bachelor skit!
Hard agree with everything you said.
Such a great job on the reacp. 3 hours though and I was hiding between my couch a lot.
Tammy over Lexi…Whaaat? Deandra: From “Ican’t even look at you now.” to “I’m so confused” when she was cut. Give me a break.
Kelly: a real woman and a real catch. Madison, beautiful and classy enough to avoid the drama and pitfalls. The only two with wife potential, IMHO. The two Vicky’s, you say? P. Lied; F. died when the White Lives Matter came out.
What in the world was up with Syndney denying she lit up Alaya in her alone time with Peter and blowing up at Tammy about it? Yikes! We all saw it AND Peter even called Sydney out on the group date to ask who she was referring to as being “on” when the cameras were there. Sydney amd Tammy can both just go.
I was shocked to see that behavior from Sydney, then calling Tammy “crazy,” from someone who shared they had experienced bullying…
I,too, was obsessively worried about his forehead in the volcano water!! But the way you expressed it was MUCH more entertaining!!
Oh my goodness, that picture of Pete and the three ladies… CRINGE. Same goes for the whole episode, and the whole season for that matter. Kelley should pack up and go home because Peter is nowhere near marriage at this point in his life. He’s totally there for all the drama! I gotta say, I’m enjoying this season a lot less than I thought I would…
That said, i chuckled at “it’s denim panty day in the jungle”. I was also concerned because I’ve been to the actual jungle and long pants were a must because bugs, snakes and poisonous plants.
I agree on Peter being there for the drama! He doesn’t seem to know women nor pick up on “unhealthy” very well.
Regarding the photo of Sydney winning a pageant, she has issued a statement that the pageant was judged by professional pageant judges, not her peers, so I wouldn’t say that it gives any indication that she was lying about her classmates bullying her. Also when a person of color says they were bullied because of their race, let’s believe them and not minimize their feelings, okay?
Okay. So by that logic, a person of color is always telling the truth and has never lied? *Insert eye roll here*
I’m not saying she didn’t lie. I’m just saying the photo isn’t an indication that she did. And please don’t what? Remind people to consider that racism is a thing? Why is it so hard for you to believe that a biracial person living in the south was bullied for being different?
You’re trying pretty hard to come with some kind of racism accusations. I don’t think we needed to be reminded that racism is a thing. I think that’s pretty apparent. I don’t know whether she is lying or not. That was never my point. I just think it’s pretty ridiculous for you to say that just because she is a person of color saying it that she is automatically telling the truth. And you used the opening, “When a person of color says…”. So does that mean a white person who says that they are getting bullied because of their race is lying? Because you know that’s a thing too, right? You can bother responding if you want, but I’m not going to again. This is supposed to be a fun, enjoyable take on a reality show, and I’m pretty sure Lincee was not trying to minimize her feelings, okay?
Actually no, there is no evidence of reverse racism, or any kind of systemic discrimination, against white people in America. Claims of reverse racism are just another tool to oppose societal gains toward equality for people of color. This is a thing that has been studied, and it doesn’t exist. Sorry about it.
And yes, I am absolutely more inclined to believe a person of color when they say they experienced racism. I still don’t understand why on earth you wouldn’t.
UGH
WHAT, Lori? Also, why did you delete your comment?
Are you mad about Cosmo’s reasoning for pulling Victoria F’s cover too?
For the record – no
Because it looked like I was responding to Krystal’s comment and not yours. My frustration is with you grrrl. Stop crying! Last time I checked, being of a different race (or any race!!) is actually a pretty powerful thing in this country/world.
“It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere”
Krystal & Lori: *mic drop*
Sydney = Regina George
Not a huge fan of Tammy, but Sydney acted like every horrible girl you hated in high school. I’m sorry she was bullied in school – nobody deserves that. But she is totally the mean girl of the house.
I agree . I liked her at first but was turned off the way she acted during her confrontation with Tammy. Both of them need to go ! Acting like kids !
Did you guys notice that the “black modesty box” now also comes in any colour (with thanks to the dropper tool in production’s video editing software!) and also in bathing suit bottom shape! I’m embarrassed to admit that I noticed some Paint-like editing on several swimsuits during the photo shoot, but also felt that the IHGB community would want to know…
This discovery aside, my other favourite moment was during the rose ceremony when Peter was off talking to either Tammy or Mykenna, Madison was fully sitting on the floor, lounging while all the other girls stood around waiting. Jumpsuit for the win.
I noticed the “painted on” swimsuit bottoms too! LOL And Yes – Madison sitting on the floor was everything! I also loved when Hannah Ann said “I want to know, but like I don’t want to know”! HA
YES, I totally noticed that, too! (The painted on and shaped modesty boxes.)
Oh that’s what those big bottoms were! Haha!
It’s been years since I commented on IHGB recaps, but I am here weekly. Peter is horrible Bachelor. He’s not a bad dude, I actually like him a lot. He’s just clearly never watched a single season, except for his own with Hannah B. There is usually an element of a wink and nudge from previous Bachelors, but with Pilot Peter, he’s a lamb thrown to the wolves. His decision making skills, while good in real life, are not strategic for reality TV which makes for so many sacrificial moments.
The women are not taking producer bait this year… they are responsible for all the mess on their own. (I can’t remember that ever happening) It’s like Bachelor in Paradise and Bachelor collided. A bunch of savvy contestants blindsiding the normal dude who didn’t realize he could get some Insta sponsorship deals from FabFitFun out of the process.
Oh I am positive that these girls are taking 100% of producer bait that’s thrown at them, which is a lot because they’ve made it all too easy.
And you’re correct. Peter is an idiot and a terrible bachelor. He acts like a person who has never had any consequences to his actions, which in reality he probably hasn’t.
I agree – poor Peter! He’s probably a great guy and would normally be an awesome boyfriend, but is completely in way over his head with so many girlfriends at once.
My DH says “What’s not to like – 15 women vying for your attention?”
I said “How would you like to have to date 15 of me?”
He understood then…
Peter seems insecure, super naive, and gullible! Maybe it’s from having no sisters or limited dating experience? He seems to feel more confident and secure when he is being aggressively pursued or with the girls who are excessively emotionally expressive!
Peter is the least alpha Bachelor there has been so far… and it shows. He gives no reason for the women to be confident in him.
Amen to that
First, what the hell was going on with Mykenna’s tongue?
Even if the beauty contest was judged by real judges, that picture of Sydney was in her yearbook. She was voted “upperclassman top beauty.” That wouldn’t have been voted on by judges, but by her classmates. I do not believe she was bullied.
Also, I do not understand cancelling the cover photo because of the previous pictures taken of Victoria F. If you read the letter put out by Cosmo, the pictures she took were for a marine wildlife charity. To save white and blue marlin. As in, white marlin lives matter and blue marlin lives matter. I get that the campaign was using the slogan associated with race to get people’s attention, but it was still about fish.
I was wondering that about Cosmo too! It was about FISH. I’m wondering if they decided to nix it since some other bad press may be coming out about her later in the show.
I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe there’s more to come. I don’t particularly like or dislike her right now. I just think it’s unfair to punish her for a modeling job. And one that was about fish, of all things.
You don’t see how using White/Blue Lives Matter puns is a problem? What about the confederate flags on the backs of the shirts? No one who opposed White/Blue Lives Matter would ever wear those shirts because of the use of these shitty puns. The racism is thinly veiled at best. A brand like Cosmo can’t take that kind of risk in 2020.
Again, they were using the slogan to get attention, but they were still talking about FISH. And she didn’t come up with the slogan. And it’s not her company. She took a modeling job. That’s all.
If it didn’t bother her enough to turn down the job. As in, if she didn’t have a problem with photos existing on the internet of her wearing what appears to be White/Blue Lives Matter branding and confederate flags. If the repulsive imagery didn’t disturb her to her core and bother her enough to turn down the job, Cosmo is extremely valid in not wanting to align themselves with her. The White and Blue Lives Matter movements are inherently extremely racist and stomach-churningly disgusting in their messaging, and the only people who would wear those shirts are people who also support these movements. Also the shirts for this “marlin” campaign literally say “White Lives Matter”on them. Not marlin. There’s a picture of a marlin, yes, but it says “White Lives Matter” with a confederate flag on the back. If you think this brand is just about fish, I envy the ignorant bliss in which you live.
You’re determined to be offended, so whatever. Fish are offensive now. You do you. I’m not going to be dragged into being insulting like you just were to me.
Cosmo’s excuse for not using the images were just about as lame as anyone sane could imagine. Always kind of enjoyed thumbing through their magazine many years ago, but I hope they suffer steep decline in readership after this. Things like this make real racism and social justice issues seem trivial to most people, which is the exact opposite of the intended course.
I agree, Patrick.
Go AWAY Libby. This is a fun blog about the bachelor, not a race discrimination forum. Lincee should block you.
Took the words right out of my mouth, Grace!!!
Agreed.
Amen Sister!
All I was doing was sharing my opinion on Cosmo pulling VF’s cover, which Lincee talked about directly in the blog post so I’m not sure why she would block me for commenting on it. I respect that you don’t agree with me, but now you’re all just being straight up nasty. I’m not going to change your mind and you’re not going to change mine, so I wish you well and hope you have a nice day.
I agree with you Libby!
Most people who have not experienced racism have a hard time seeing the other side. I’m sure if the ad was about saving black mambas and had a ‘black lives matter’ slogan, it would be easily seen by white america as black lives matter propaganda.
Wow that’s a reach. How do you see racism when it’s about fish? Some people have to always be outraged and offended I guess. Clever marketing by the marlin people, dumb move by cosmo to react and make something out of nothing.
Completely agree with Grace, Sara, and Mary!!
Did anyone else think of Paul Rudd’s character in Anchorman (“Sex Panther—60% of the time, it works every time.”) when Peter said to Kelley something like “This process 100% works! Just trust the process.” Yeahhhh, I don’t think you know what 100% means. (I guess I should be glad he didn’t say 1000%, although I’m sure that’s coming.)
The other hilarious part of that conversation was when Kelley said she couldn’t see herself “like engaged” at the end and said, “The reason I say _LIKE_ engaged is because…” and went on to explain why she used the word “like” that one time. Hey, Kelley, what about the 874 OTHER times you used the word “like” in that explanation?
Although I tend to believe that Sydney was bullied, Alabama is the Deep South. I doubt she spent every lunch period in the bathroom. Putting that aside that’s not why I enjoyed the picture Lincee added. Take a look again, it looks like she pregnant and the thing within is either an alien or a saint. Completely cracked me up.