Bachelor Peter Recap: Final Four

Let me tell you, I had a ball watching The Bachelor last night. Or should I say I had a ball watching the same promo for ten minutes after The Bachelor was over last night. We analyzed hair texture, nail color, outfits, headboards, street scenes, sweaters, footwear, and one silhouette for longer than I thought necessary.

But the best part was the moment where a brunette woman is rolling horizontal on top of Peter on a bed. No amount of well-timed pauses could neither confirm nor deny that this woman was Madison. Some believe she is Victoria F. 

I come down in Vicky’s camp, thanks to the gracious amount of side boob present, as well as the healthy derriere. With that said, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve ever been wrong when guessing the outcome of this show.

I know I’m jumping ahead and that’s okay. Why? Because not a whole heck of a lot happened during last night’s episode other than Natasha finally getting a one-on-one, Kelley stepping into annoying villain territory, and Peter choosing his final four. 

Our favorite animated map shows the little cartoon plane traveling from Chile to Peru. Peter checks in with Mama Babs via video chat. She tells him to not only follow his heart, but to BELIEVE what’s in his heart. 

Pete considers this advice as he wanders the cobblestones of Lima, taking in the culture. He stops at a darling street vendor and studies the artwork with intention. Was it a coincidence that one of the pieces was a windmill? I think not. 

At the hotel, Madison is over-over-the-moon when she learns she is chosen as the “sure thing” who is gifted with the inaugural date. She needs this, y’all. It’s been forever since she witnessed the Webber’s nuptials twelve days ago. She really wants to know what “this” looks like moving forward and has deep questions for Peter.

When she sees him, she runs and jumps into his arms. Her legs remain straight, in pike position. We call this the chastity Jump and Straddle™. Peter takes Maddie (that’s what we call her now) to fish and when they actually catch one, it’s a celebration worthy of a horizontal make out sesh and a Titanic re-enactment at the bow of the ship. Peter will never let her go! 

That night, Maddie wears her favorite red jumper and coats each individual eyelash with its own glob of mascara. Peter leads her into an old historic building where they will have dinner under fake stars. Maddie takes this time to tell Peter that faith is very important to her. She wants someone who has a relationship with the Lord and wants to raise a family in the same way. 

Peter responds by affirming Maddie’s faith (“I love that”) and thanks her for being so inspiring. Although he feels like his faith could be stronger and he’s done things he’s not necessarily proud of, faith is something that is important to him. PS: He’s falling in love with her. 

Maddison hears this answer and convinces herself that Peter is as white as the driven snow and allows herself to fall deeply right there at the dinner table. He gives her the date rose and then they make out against a brick wall. 

This surprised no one. We knew Madison was a given. When Natasha’s name is called out as the recipient of the second one-on-one, I hesitate. She deserves a one-on-one, sure, but there’s no way their relationship has advanced more than the other five girls. 

Of course, I thought that last week, too, and Natasha is still here.

Natasha greets Peter with a normal Jump and Straddle™. She got rid of her holiday hair from Chile and opts for a more natural look. She is adorable and soooooo not into Peter. It’s obvious. But she plays along anyway.

Peter freaks out when he sees a vendor selling the same dessert his grandma used to make. He purchases a bowl and shoves a spoonful down Natasha’s mouth. She does a great job pretending to be as enthusiastic about snozberries as her escort. They Lady and the Tramp a mini corndog after that.

A group of dancers/tumblers invade the town square and force our lovebirds to join them in a cultural celebration. It was the Peruvian version of CHEER. I hope Lima Jerry makes mat. Peter thanks Natasha for having “more sides than any woman here” which is technically a compliment. 

That night at dinner, I become mesmerized by Natasha’s fluffy polkadot sleeves. Peter lets her take one sip of her margarita before letting her down easy. He tries to get her to say there’s no spark, but she makes him do it. He plays the friendship card while holding the rose that he will not give her at the end of his speech. 

Natasha: “I hope you find what you’re looking for. I know I will.”

HERE’S HOPING IT’S A TRIP TO BACHELOR IN PARADISE!

Somber walkaway music begins to play. Natasha zips away in the rejection SUV and Peter takes her rose and follows the sound of a stringed orchestra. As he looks over the balcony, he reminisces about his time with Natasha. All seven minutes. It was very Evita without the singing. 

Note: Some believe Peter pulled a Mesnick at this moment. There was discussion at my watch party, but I don’t believe it was an actual Mesnick because of the lack of tears and/or angst. I am willing to label it a Pseudo Mesnick or Mesnick-adjacent since so many of you feel passionate about any bachelor contestant standing near a balcony.

We’re impacting pop culture, people. I love it so much!

The final one-on-one goes to Kelsey and home girl nearly bowls Peter to the ground with her downhill Jump and Straddle™. She was coming in hot! Peter takes her riding around on ATVs with GoPros attached at unfortunate angles. They point out horses and goats to each other. Then Peter suggests they run up a very steep incline to the top of the mountain.

They didn’t reach the summit but they did reach the Orange Zone. Collapsing onto the ground, Peter selects this time to ask Kelsey about how she envisions her future family. Between gasps for air and puffing on an inhaler, Kelsey spits out that she wants to work a few days a week but also stay home with the children. Once her oxygen levels stabilize, she mounts Peter for some mountain kissing. 

At dinner, Kelsey is nervous to tell Peter that even though she told him that she hadn’t seen her father for a decade during their firework date, she did see him before she left for the show and guess what? Her mom doesn’t know. Could he keep this on the down low should he find himself visiting Iowa in the next week or two? 

Peter finds her inspiring, just like Madison. He loves that. He’s so impressed that her view of love hasn’t been tainted by dumb old divorce or an absent father. He appreciates that their relationship is all “their own.” I don’t know what this means, but Kelsey seems pretty stoked to hear it. 

He gives her a rose and they make out on a light fixture pole like Gene Kelly in Singing in the Rain. This did not surprise me. Kelsey has told him no less than four times that she loves him and he has to keep her as an option, should the others opt out of this journey.

Now we have Hannah Ann, Victoria, and Kelley for a dreaded two-on-one date. Kelley is super duper annoyed that Hannah Ann is still in the picture. Shouldn’t she be back for spring classes by now? To quote my friend Stephanie, “Kelley’s mood stabilizers are definitely wearing off.”

The trio arrives at a vineyard and have an awkward broken English conversation with the owner and Peter. When Peter asks Hannah Ann for some alone time, Kelley lays down on the wicker outdoor couch to take a little siesta. I’ve never seen anyone so ready to leave in my entirety of watching this show. 

Hannah Ann uses her time wisely by first crying invisible tears and second, reading a note with the title “Things I Love About You” out loud. It was eighteen pages. Front and back. I should note that the “I” in “things” was dotted with a heart and the word “dorkiness” was misspelled. 

Kelley tells Peter how ticked off she is during her alone time. She was the only woman who didn’t get a second one-on-one. Peter brushes this off and asks Kelley if she thinks this journey is anything but fun? Kelley answers with the vague, “I have nothing to hide. Come at me with anything.” Then she kisses him for a well-timed distraction. 

Victoria takes a different tactic by both melting down and insulting Peter in one fail swoop. She tells him that he’s in a mood and then he questions her for “attacking” him. He has reason to doubt and he needs her to give him a reason NOT to. She responds with her two favorite phrases, “I don’t know” and “It’s just too hard.”

Peter struts back to Kelley’s siesta wicker outdoor couch and informs the women that he doesn’t need a dinner that night to decide who is staying and who is leaving. He takes Victoria’s hand, picks up a rose, and STEERS HER TOWARD A REJECTION SUV as she mutters, “I don’t want to go” over and over again.

He tells her he wants to continue this journey and they hug. This is not a rejection SUV. It’s a Peruvian Uber to the hotel. Peter is such a scoundrel.

As he walks back again down the familiar path to Kelley’s siesta wicker outdoor couch, both girls notice that he is sans rose. Kelley wisely deduces that either she or Hannah Ann is about to get dumped. Spoiler: It’s Kelley. He walks her to the rejection SUV as Hannah Ann sobs in her hands. It was the first time she almost didn’t win something and the pressure was tremendous. This is the adrenaline that comes from a dodged bullet. 

Kelley has a sour attitude about the entire ordeal, but is ready to get back to billable hours. And a bed that has a mattress. 

Peter escorts Hannah Ann back to the hotel and when they enter, Madison is overjoyed to see her BFF back in the fold. Victoria appears excited, too, but Kelsey is the only one who visibly indicates that embracing another girl and professing excitement that they are back is hella weird. 

We end with Peter telling the camera that he could marry any of the four women remaining. However, he has to get rid of one next week. Who will it be? NO SPOILERS!!!

76
Comments

avatar
28 Comment threads
48 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
48 Comment authors
LaraRossBethDarajanis young Recent comment authors
newest oldest
Kelli
Kelli

I’m standing by my original opinion that no one will be engaged at the end. I’m really hoping it’s Hannah Brown in the end.

Leah Mira
Leah Mira

I agree. I really like Peter, and bemoan the immature batch of women he was given this season. I’m rooting for Hannah B.

Teri

It’s painfully obvious that no one is there for any reason other than expanding their social media following. Peter included.

Yesi
Yesi

Thank. you!

Shelley
Shelley

I think Madison is there for good reasons, but I’m also guessing she’s the virgin that we heard a voiceover about? I’m sure if she’s final 3 she’ll melt down because Mr 4 times in one night will certainly have sex with the other two. Kelley was clearly over it. I’m so ready for Victoria to be gonzo. So fake. So manipulative.

Libby
Libby

Yeah it was solidly confirmed in the previews for next week that Madison is saving herself for marriage and one can assume Peter isn’t going to be thrilled about it.

Robert barlow
Robert barlow

He got rid of Kelly the most mature of the group….Great recaps I’m sure it must be hard…This is such A train wreck……To me Peter showed really bad judgement by eliminating Kelly I’m not sure he is ready to marry anyone he is about as mature relationship wise as most of his contestants….

Allia
Allia

I think Kelley was completely over him at that point and he felt it. But yes, bad judgment has basically been the theme of the season.

DianeG
DianeG

That bad judgment started in Hannah’s season. That is what comes from having people who dont have enough life experience to make different choices than just who they are attracted to.

Bradley
Bradley

Please Victoria, if you read this …stop stroking your hair! Have a meltdown. Attack Peter. Cry. But for the love of all things Bachelor … STOP playing with your hair!

Cindy S
Cindy S

Omg yes!! It’s NON-STOP! Drives me crazy and it so distracting.

donna
donna

I think she must have extensions and wants to make sure that they are laying down and not sticking up. She is SO not into Peter . NO eye contact and acts like she would rather be anywhere other than with him.

Dara
Dara

Yesssssssss!!!!!

contrarian
contrarian

It was one in the morning when I whipped through the episode, courtesy of the DVR, so I may be wrong about this, but wasn’t there a tease about what impact Peter’s potential choices in the Snogging Suites could have on Madison’s admirable emphasis on premarital purity? Would this be the kill switch for the lovely gal?

This is always the worst part of the series for me — trotting from bed to bed, night after night — and I could well imagine Madison saying heck no to Peter’s sequential rutting, however well intentioned. Like Lincee, I didn’t hear his expression of “faith” lining up with what I think she’s looking for, so this might be where the wheels come off. Frankly — and I like Peter — I think she can do better.

corrinesnanny
corrinesnanny

Sequential rutting ….. hahaha !

Libby
Libby

Yeah I think he definitely said what she wanted to hear when she asked him about his faith. I feel like they’re both kind of like “uhhh we’ll get over that hurdle later instead of acknowledging that this very important thing is a little incongruent for us.”

evangeline
evangeline

so well written contrarian!! Snogging Suites? heheheheheh, rutting? hehehehehe

corrinesnanny
corrinesnanny

“Was it a coincidence that one of the (art) pieces was a windmill? I think not.” hahaha … totally missed this.
Great catch Lincee. Love your blog more than the actual show this season. Wacky girls and a wishy washy fellow = not great viewing IMHO.

Scooby Snaxx
Scooby Snaxx

Peter’s the worst kind: a boy who thinks he’s a man. It’s actually quite pathetic how he’s tried to make it seem like some of the women aren’t taking this seriously enough (like Kelley), when his own markers of a solid relationship are little more than what you’d find in junior high. I think Peter can’t get excited unless he’s in the middle of a screaming, crying dramafest. What we saw of the promo with his mom (“I’d like to thank the Academy… “) perhaps shows us where that comes from.

MelissaH
MelissaH

Yes, I completely agree with you about his mom. I think she is a total drama queen. That’s what Peter grew up with, so he equates that with “caring.”

Tammy
Tammy

Amen brother. He’s a child.

Laura
Laura

Kelley really turned unlikeable the more screen time she got. She acts superior to everyone else in the house. Sorry, but just because you’re a little older and a lawyer doesn’t make you a better person. Also, she made a comment earlier on how her and Peter would make a “great power couple”….oooh- double yuck. Go back to where you are from and learn how not to be a snob! Natasha was soooo not into Peter. That was so obvious when she was eyeing the football player while they were getting instructions to play the game. She just played along to get more screen time for herself! I like Madison, but like you said…she’s not gonna go for Peter having sex with the other women if she thinks she’s the final one. Can’t say I blame her!

DonnaMarie
DonnaMarie

I agree about Kelley which surprised me. The other girls were mostly unlikeable from the start. When I heard Kelley say something like, “I mean look at me, I’m a lawyer,” with regard to how she was the best choice, I nearly barfed.

Libby
Libby

Iiiiii’m skeptical that she actually said that the way it was portrayed to us. If you listen, the “I’m an attorney” part of that sentence is said with a completely different tone, and we don’t actually see that line coming from Kelley’s mouth. I think it was spliced together from other things she’s said to make her look like more of a B so the audience would be more on board with Peter letting her go. Definitely got a bad edit in this last episode. They spliced together things Luke P said during Hannah’s season, so I’m not surprised they did it to Kelley to serve their narrative.

michelle
michelle

Exactly what Libby said. Nice try ABC, but no. Kelly’s whole villain edit was spliced and forced. Honestly, her underlying point is valid. The two girls she was on a date with were much younger/ in a different life stage (Hannah Ann) or drama obsessed/ has serious issues (Victoria). However, Peter clearly isn’t ready for a relationship with Kelly. He truly craves that sob story and emotional break down in order to connect. He romanticizes these connections which is ok. That’s his thing. I don’t think he’s as horrible as others seem to, but I do think he would match better with one of the less mature girls. Ideal for him would be Madison. Wholesome, sweetheart personality with some spunk.

Linda
Linda

Great catch! I wish I noticed things like that. But I’m so glad you shared your observations! I can’t stand it when the producers do tricks like that to make people look bad.

evangeline
evangeline

I totally agree Libby!!!

NewMama
NewMama

Ooh, hadn’t even thought of that! I’m going to have to go back and re-listen. Because that’s also when I completely turned off of Kelley. However, even if she got a bad edit, some of the behavior and facial expressions were bad enough to have me rooting against her.

viewer
viewer

agree! that was spliced together for sure. The bad edit though makes me think that they aren’t pushing her for bachelorette which is too bad. She’d be our chance to see a mature woman with hopefully a mature set of bachelors!

Annabeth
Annabeth

To be fair, when Kelley said she wanted to be a power couple, I don’t think she meant Peter as being the other half of that!

Marcia
Marcia

I also didn’t interpret her statement as meaning Peter would necessarily be the other half. I initially took her “power couple” statement as sounding snobby, but I think all Kelley was saying is she wants her husband to be her equal, for her marriage to be one where they challenge each other in a healthy way.

Leah Mira
Leah Mira

I think Kelly got a really bad edit in this episode to make her appear arrogant. I think they used various comments out of context. As far as her “little babies” comment, that is indeed accurate of the remaining women.

Allia
Allia

Great recap, Lincee! Very astute observations, as always. Except for perhaps Kelsey, I don’t see anyone who is actually into Peter… Kelley and Natasha were over the whole thing weeks ago and probably shouldn’t have stuck around. Victoria could’t even look Peter in the eye as she lamented about his ‘mood’ and her indecisiveness (read: she’s not that into him). Madison barely knows the guy and seems to have far higher expectations than he would be able to deliver. I don’t see any depth in the relationship with Hannah Ann. Peter was busy getting wrapped up in drama the whole season and doesn’t seem to be all the into any of these ladies either. Honestly, at this point I’m pretty much waiting for Hannah B to come back and rescue him (and all of us) from this situation.

Jeni
Jeni

I agree with you completely. There has been so much drama for so long that none of these relationships developed. I actually think Hannah Ann cried last night because she wasn’t sent home.

Allia
Allia

That thought also crossed my mind! Lol
When he was talking to them before booting Kelley, they were both sitting there like “he’s about to dump me and I’m fine with it”

michelle
michelle

Wow, so true. Even though I think Madison is the best for him, I don’t see that deep lasting connection between them or the genuine “falling in love” vibe that was so obvious with Arie and Lauren or Jojo and Jordan or Kaitlyn and Shawn. These are just examples of seasons that you just SAW the sparks and you KNEW the feelings were strong and mutual. Peter is so worried about the girl not choosing him back so hes not letting himself fall in love and the girls arent either.

I was skeptical of the Hannah Brown coming back theory but now I kind of hope its true. My other theory is that Madison leaves after finding out he had sex with someone and thats what the “bring her back” is referring to. But what is the news chris Harrison gives to Peter at the end??

Linda
Linda

Did he not pull an “Arie” kissing Maddie against a wall? This episode was so predictable. Hannah B. Come back!!

DonnaMarie
DonnaMarie

This has to be the most boring season and bachelor of all! And Hanna B, really ladies? She’s as shallow as the rest of these women. I do believe he picks her in the end though and I believe that’s been the plan all along. Probably why he’s not into any of these women.

Libby
Libby

Thank You! I do not understand why everyone in the world are such Hannah B stans. Like yeah, she’s a sweet hometown girl and she got a shitty deal with the whole Jed finasco, but seriously though, the girl has terrible taste in men and terrible decision-making skills. Though, I’d rather her come back and end up with Peter than have another season as Bachelorette as has been rumored. Even if I super liked her I don’t think I ever want to have a repeat lead? Like why would we want to watch the same season twice?

Allia
Allia

I didn’t know she’s rumored to be bachelorette again! Please lord, no! Enough is enough…
That said, I think she and Peter are on a similar page in life and should get back together.

Linda
Linda

Count me in as somebody who does NOT want to see Hannah B back as the Bachelorette. I would not watch. Are there that many people who love OTT drama? It’s driving me away.

Carrie
Carrie

My Husband plainly refused to watch Hannah B and that was the first time ever. Please no!

Marg
Marg

Please tell me “finasco” was a joke?!

Tammy
Tammy

I hope they ALL end up alone so they have time to do some maturin’! It’s shocking how naive they are.

Mary
Mary

I’m a bit opposite of you ladies. I would LOVE to see Hannah Brown back. Yes, she made some bad decisions, but she made some really fantastic choices throughout the season. She’s her own person who doesn’t let any other opinion sway her. She’s authentic and fun and kind and smart. My list goes on. ABC needs to find leads with strong senses of self or at the very least ones that are actively seeking to be better selves. That’s what resonated with so many people during Hannah’s season and what I think so many people find problematic with Peter.

tracee
tracee

Natasha is the only one who noticed Peter got his stitches out

Jesse Stanley
Jesse Stanley

Peter isn’t my favorite bachelor by far. I had such hope too. He’s just really bad at this. He’s sent home pretty much any woman who didn’t have drama or had their stuff together. He’s got a hero complex and equates love with challenge, drama, or inexperience.

I’m hoping Hannah Brown shows up right at the end and throws a monkey wrench in the whole thing. It’s the only way this can just totally go off the rails.

NewMama
NewMama

Agreed, Jesse! He’s just bad at this. That’s what my husband and I keep saying to each other. He gets totally worn out by anything remotely dramatic, but then gets himself completely roped into it and fails to make progress with anybody. And the only time he thinks a woman is serious about him is when she cries. Oh, have mercy. This season has to end soon!

faninAZ
faninAZ

Quick thoughts: he’s holding on to Victoria for overnights bc he wants to sleep with her. (Gaslighting much, Victoria?) She needs a lot of time to grow emotionally before marriage.

Maddie is waaaaay more religious than Peter’s prepared to be. If Luke P from Bachelorette weren’t such a jerk, I would say they would be a match made in heaven, lifestyle wise. I would not be surprised if he reaches out to her after the show.

Am I wrong in noticing 3 of the remaining girls are 23? Peter’s type appears to be cute, young, and… just cute and young.

Peter loves tears. He loves tears so much, guys.

LV628
LV628

No Maddie and Hannah Ann are 23. Victoria F is 26 and Kelsey is 27 or 28. VIctoria just acts like she is 23.

faninAZ
faninAZ

I’m shocked Victoria is that old. Wow! She acts super young.