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Bachelor Recap: Don’t Let Them Take Your Sparkle

Tuesday, February 12, 2013 @ 12:02 PM
Author: Lincee

It’s episode seven and ABC has apparently been forced to cut the budget due to all the emergency vehicles that have been dispatched this season. In an unprecedented move, they allow all six of our bachelorettes, plus Sean, to board the same seaplane bound for St. Croix. Goodbye ubiquitous scarves and Ugg boots best suited for the cold, harsh Canadian Rockies! Hello Virgin Islands! Bring me your string bikini tops with bottoms that don’t match, billowing sarongs, colorful statement necklaces and shirtless Sean.

All is right with the world.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you linked on Twitter happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the nail stylist or bowing instructor of someone who is obsessed with the fictional life of Matthew Crawley like me and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

The ladies arrive at the Buccaneer Resort squealing with delight at all of the five star amenities available to them. They quickly begin pairing off, picking a bestie with whom they will share a bed. Lindsay and Des hug affectionately, Lesley and Catherine giggle and Tierra cocks an uncontrollable eyebrow that she’s just been stuck with old lady AshLee.

Tierra: “I refuse to share a room with someone who doesn’t like me. I need my own space. And I choose the smack dab middle of the general living area in our phat condo.”

To quote Duane “The Rock” Johnson, “The People’s Eyebrow has spoken.”

Sadly, Our Host Chris Harrison is already camped out on the VIP portion of the private beach and is unable to deliver the first date card. The intern thoughtfully places it on an end table outside the door so Des doesn’t have to stoop to retrieve it. He’s so thoughtful.

AshLee is the lucky winner of the first one-on-one. She skips to her solo bedroom to get ready. Once out of earshot, Tierra calls her a cougar. I smile thinking, “If the 32-year-old is a cougar, then I’m the zebra carcass left behind on the Serengeti. SEND THE FETUS HOME SEAN!”

Sean leads AshLee down the beach. Remarkably, there were no blindfolded moments or tears of joy celebrating relinquished trust issues. Yes! I’m rooting for you Ash! Hang in there!

They ditch their clothes in the sand and swim out to the waiting catamaran. Well, Sean dog paddles as AshLee held on to his shoulders the entire time, which I found very odd. Whatever. She’s not crying! Victory!

They make their way to a private island while Sean makes small talk.

Sean: “So. Tell me about the house? I hear Tierra is quite the charmer.”

AshLee looks him in the eyes. Can open. Worms everywhere. She dives in.

Ash: “Tierra is difficult. She never wants to be a part of the group. She isolates herself. It’s weird. Who you get is a completely different girl. When she meets your family, they will love her but when plans change, she’ll turn pouty.”

Sean becomes bored rehashing the drama and shuts AshLee up by kissing her “From Here to Eternity” style on the beach. Later at dinner, AshLee confesses that she has a secret and then takes exactly 10 minutes to lead up to the horrific details of her adolescent youth. No, she does not have that weird addiction in which she eats fiberglass like it’s cotton candy as the very pregnant pause would lead one to believe. She was married at 17 and divorced by 18. Realizing that she doesn’t collect old pizza crusts in her spare time, Sean finds this childhood fact notable and doesn’t hold any ill will toward AshLee. She punctuates the magical night by shouting, “I LOVE SEAN” into the ocean’s tides. Sean turns red, coughs a little and then decides to kiss her before she says it again.

Second One-On-One Date
Tierra

Tierra finally gets the one-on-one she’s been waiting for and is immediately disappointed that her date card suggests they will be galavanting in St. Croix. Tierra, being from Denver, would feel more comfortable at sea on a boat. Minutes in, she’s complaining about the heat, the mosquitoes and her parched throat.

She quickly changes her tune when Sean starts buying her anything a street vendor is pedaling. There’s a bag, matching shell necklaces and an infinity bracelet that symbolizes their never ending love. They end their shopping escapade with some impromptu dancing in the street in front of a parade of islanders. Tierra plasters on a smile, admitting that she’s never been more happy than in this moment.

Over snow cones, Sean asks if she’s adapting well to the house. She gives her standard, “girls are mean to me” speech followed by the ever popular, “they’re just jealous that I got the first impression rose right out of the limo.”

Sean: “Would you do anything differently? If given the chance?”
Tierra: “No. They aren’t going to be around much longer. What does it matter?”
Lincee: “SEND THE FETUS HOME SEAN! Unless Shay needs a new nanny or a maid for the ridiculously cool playhouse in your parents’ backyard, SEND THE FETUS HOME!”

During dinner at the Sugar Mill, Sean seems “distance” which makes Tierra fuss-trated because surely AshLee must have thrown her under the bus. For good measure, she tells him she loves him and then sticks her tongue down his throat. As they walk back to the bungalow later that night, Sean suggests they run through the crashing waves hand-and-hand. I think Tierra’s response was somewhere along the lines of, “Ewww. No.”

The People’s Eyebrow ladies and gentlemen.

GROUP DATE
Catherine
Des
Lindsay

Sean wakes up the group date ladies at 4:42 a.m. and begins taking Polaroid pictures of what they look like without makeup. Lindsay makes jokes about unshaven pits, Des puts on her best Joey Potter expression and pretends to be embarrassed even though she looks perfectly delightful without makeup and Catherine delivers one of the best lines of the night:

“I’m pretty low maintenance. All I have to do is pee and I’m good to go.”

Oh Catherine. Now I’m rooting for you!

The girls seem to embrace the spontaneity of the moment and are all excited when Sean’s red Jeep pulls up to the shore where they will watch the sun rise. Over to the left is the Atlantic Ocean. To the right is the Caribbean. This is as far east as you can possibly go in the United States. They are quite literally the first people to see the sun rise in America.

The girls all “ooohhhh” and “ahhhhh” in unison, secretly wishing the others weren’t there to share this super romantic moment. They chug a mimosa and then get back in the Jeep because it’s time to haul on all cylinders. The road trip has just begun!

Stop 1: The Sugar Mill
Sean: “It was really neat to see the view of the ocean from the Sugar Mill. And props to the ABC intern for cleaning up after my date with Tierra. To the untrained olfactory nerve, you would never know that I had eaten a hamburger there a mere 12 hours before.”

Stop 2: Pippin the Donkey
Lindsay: “Eat this grass if you think I deserve a rose Pippin. Okay. I’ll wait for you to finish what’s in your mouth first.”

Stop 3: Treehouse
Des: “Let’s tie our hands together with this vine.”
Sean: “Please don’t blindfold me. Or yourself.”

Twelve hours later from when the day began, our foursome arrives at Sandy Point and while waiting for the sun to set, they go for a swim. This was 40% show and 60% necessity since they’ve been in the blistering sun all day without use of showers or deodorant. Sean crawls up onto Catherine’s shoulders (not a typo) but the other two girls remain too dainty for a rousing game of chicken fight. Another point for Catherine.

Sean wisely takes some time to spend alone with each girl. First up is Lindsay.

Sean: “What did you like about today?”
Lindsay: “Everything. I didn’t expect to feel this way. I didn’t expect to come this far. I didn’t expect for you to see this zit on my chin. I’m not going anywhere.”
Sean: “I know you’re not.”

The ABC Intern was on fire tonight, was he not? I’m so glad he thought to visit the seashore section of Hobby Lobby so he could toss out a perfectly nice conch shell for Catherine to find. I pictured her raising it to her lips and blowing into the shell, issuing forth a warning sound that was used as a sort of homing device for Harrison to come and liven this bunch up. Even though that didn’t happen, I can hardly blame them. They all must be exhausted waiting for that bloody sun to drop already.

Catherine sits on the beach with Sean and tells him about how she is excited for him to meet her family, but her father will not be joining the party. He’s in China battling depression. She then talked about how he attempted suicide in front of her and her sisters when she was a teenager. This girl has been dealt some hard knocks and I found myself admiring her positive spirit.

During Des’ alone time, she cries about how excited she is for Sean to meet her family. A quick poll from those watching at my house and it is unanimous that Des is overtired. It’s time to tuck Joey in the canoe and shove her back on home down the creek. How long does it take for the stinkin’ sun to set already?!

As they all struggle to keep their eyes open, Sean finally gives up on the sun and hands a rose to Lindsay. I have to say that I was a little bit surprised. After all of Des’ face time in the front seat of the Jeep, I figured she was guaranteed the coveted bud.

Last One-On-One
Lesley

Lesley has the second best quote of the night when she finds out that she’s going on a solo date with Sean.

Lesley: “I don’t care where we go. I just want to spend time with him. We could hang out all day on Tierra’s cot. That would be fine.”

She look really pretty in a white tank top and pink billowy skirt, but for some reason she celebrates her date by putting on as much eye makeup as her lids and lashes can handle. They spend the day in a secret garden, picking huge avocados and generally not making neither eye contact nor guacamole. Sean pins her up against a fence, forcing her to look him in the face. Although her words are sweet, the action just isn’t there. Sean asks if they could try and break their Guinness record again because he’s so bored. It doesn’t happen. It was the shortest date in Bachelor history.

Sean walks along a pier, pondering which two women should be kicked off this week. He brings in reinforcements in the form of his sister Shay who is covered in head to toe DayGlo. I found this awesome and had a sudden hankering to smear Le Zinc on Sean’s fragile skin.

Sean: “I’m just nervous about breaking someone’s heart.”
Shay: “Yeah. Someone’s heart will get broken. And they’ll get over it. Just like you did.”
Lincee: I love this girl.

Sean soon admits that Tierra’s name seems to be synonymous with drama. In a bit of stylized editing, the scene cuts back and forth from him defending the 24-year-old to Tierra arguing with AshLee.

Tierra: “People have sabotaged me.”
AshLee: “Who? Name them.”
Tierra: “You.”
Lincee: “THIS IS IT! IT’S ON!”

Sean: “I just like her so much, but there’s something off.”
Shay: “I hear what you’re saying. Do you?”

AshLee: “You’re rude. It’s not about you. It’s about your character.”
Tierra: “I’m not going to sit around and talk about high school stuff. I’m 24 and you are 32. I hope when I’m 32, I’m not sitting around gossiping. I’ll be married with kids. Girls are always jealous because men LOVE me.”

And then it happened. The moment of all moments. Not since Groban’s sister scoffed, “Come on Groban…she’s a model?” have I ever been more proud of a sister standing up for her brother and giving precise, clear, DON’T BE A FOOL advice:

Sean: “She said that girls are always jealous of her and she didn’t come here to make friends.”
Shay: “What is the one thing I said to you?”
Sean: “Don’t end up with a girl that no one likes.”

I paused the TV, separated the girls in my watching party into sections intended for four-part harmony and we issued forth the most beautiful version of the “Hallelujah Chorus” you’ve ever heard. Even the devil bird outside my window ceased its chirping.

But we’re not out of the woods yet. Shay has given impeccable advice. Will the Bachelor take it? Will he walk in on Tierra and AshLee going at it AGAIN as Catherine and Lesley watch in creatively masked giddiness?

Tierra: “You turned on me!”
AshLee: “I didn’t talk bad about you. I just said what I saw after he asked me directly about your character.”
Lincee: “RUN SEAN RUN!”

Tierra: “I was NEVER rude to you.”
AshLee: “You never did anything! You just stared or raised your eyebrow.”

Tierra: “That’s my face! My eyebrow raises because I don’t have it chock full of Botox. I can’t control my eyebrow 24/7. My parents warned me that you would try to take my sparkle. But you won’t. YOU WON’T TAKE MY SPARKLE.”

Sean moves at a snail’s pace. By the time he finds Tierra, the infinity bracelet has turned her wrist green. He settles in on her cot as she cries phantom tears, wiping away air from under her eyes. Having no idea that Sean was there to take her to meet his sister, Tierra launches into defense mode. She’s fake crying because she’s sensitive and has such a big heart. She admits to confronting AshLee about sabotage and then apologizes to him because she cares so much.

She sobs air, careful to smear her mascara, as she drones on about how unfair this entire process is. Sean looks her in the eye and tells her that it’s probably best that she goes home because this particular journey to find love just isn’t a good fit for her emotions. He just can’t keep her there knowing how hard the process is for her.

We stood. We rejoiced. I almost dropped my computer. Carrie took pictures to remember the moment. The neighbors called to complain. The earth shook. Twitterverse shut down. A collective Bachelor Nation virtually high fived Sean for the most forward thinking decision made in show history. Ding dong, the villain’s gone.

Sean escorts her to his sister’s waiting minivan and the rest of us sigh, relieved that we can now watch the remainder of the season without shunning Sean for being a total d-bag.

Tierra puts on one more show spewing tears that were figments of all our imaginations as she laments that she was sabotaged. She recovers a second later, vowing as Harrison as her witness, she’ll never be without her sparkle again.

Bachelor Pad, here she comes.

Rose Ceremony
Apparently, the other girls spend the entire day wondering where Sean and Tierra have wandered off to. I guess that random dude in the dark sweat suit didn’t come and take her bags away like he did the others. Interesting.

Sean arrives and explains to the women that he will NOT be needing a cocktail party because Tierra and her drama are gone and he knows what he has to do.

At this point, we were pretty split when it came down to Lesley going home or AshLee. I stand by the fact that while I like AshLee, I feel that she is driving her “relationship” too much with her emotions, and she’s forgetting that this is quite literally A GAME. I think she thinks that she has found love and she just needs to make it to the finish line.

Lesley, on the other hand, did not make eye contact. Who is he supposed to choose? The girl who flat out shouted that she loved him? Or the one that could potentially break his heart?

In the end, I think that he likes Lindsay, Catherine and Des better than Lesley and AshLee, so it technically didn’t matter.

Next week is home town dates. It looks like Catherine’s sisters give Sean a run for his money and Des’ brother may punch him. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

What do y’all think? Who is the front runner? NO SPOILERS PLEASE! Can you believe the chick with the wedding dress is still in it? Will AshLee get her heart pulverized? Sound off in the comments section.

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

73 Responses to “Bachelor Recap: Don’t Let Them Take Your Sparkle”

  1. julie says:

    Every week my poor husband groans “if they do this I’m NEVER watching this again” for various reasons.

    When he saw Des’s brother getting ready to fight him, my husband exclaimed “Oh I am SO watching this next week!”

  2. renee says:

    I think it’s cool your husband watches with you, Julie. Tell him I said so. The people’s eyebrow. Ha! That was great but I too will miss Tierra. The rest are sort of bland and I think any of them could be Sean’s final pick. I wonder if some of the woman don’t hope to be runner up so they can be Bachorette, which seems to have a
    pretty good chance of leading to marriage, unlike the Bachelor proposal. I don’t know: I think Catherine is definitely one of the final 2 and I think before the preview with the brother I would have said Des, but maybe it’s Lindsey.

  3. laura says:

    devil bird!!!! you are genius! i don’t read spoilers, but i can’t help but think that des’ brother is an actor (or just acting). her way of turning the tables on him for his art museum practical joke! maybe not! either way, i’ll be tuned in next week!!!

  4. rick says:

    AshLee creeps me out a little bit. She reminds me of this girl Cyndee (not a misspelling, people) that I dated in college. She was much more in love with the thought of being in love than she was in love with me. I was merely an unfortunate, but necessary, part of the equation.

  5. debp says:

    “Twitterverse shut down… Ding dong, the villain’s gone”
    … hahaha love it! :-)

    Knew you were going to comment about that zit. :) It seriously distracted me enough from the conversation so it deserved to be in your blog. Especially considering she was wearing eye make-up?

    I think Des is secrectly wanting to be the next bachelorette, and her brother may “ruin” her chances with Sean. I think she may play a joke on him too, but I don’t think it concerns the brother. I see a very good friendship between them, but more chemistry with the other three.

    Love your blog. Cheers :)

  6. Beth says:

    Love, love, love your recaps! What I found so funny is that where you usually start quoting somebody and have to throw in things they never said to be funny or help us remember the ridiculousness that is the Bachelor (i.e. Sean” Thanks to the intern for cleaning up my hamburger lunch with Tierra”)–I realized you didn’t have to make up ANYTHING when quoting Tierra to make it sound funny and ridiculous! That girl, her eyebrow and sparkles will be all over that bachelor pad!

    I like him best with Lindsey and Catherine–he seems the most giddy and himself around them, and seems to really light up about them when he talks on camera.

    I love that they flew the sister in early this time for some advice! Smart man for following it!

  7. Traci says:

    I’m going to guess Lindsay will be the last girl standing because if Des’ brother and Catherine’s sisters are unsupportive that may sway his decision quite a bit. And while Ashlee is sweet I think she may not be fun enough for him.

  8. Katelyn says:

    Was anyone else confused by Catherine’s response to Lesley being sent home? Her ideas about what Sean wants were shattered? What was that about? Besides the fact that the two became best friends and roomies, I feel like it would be near impossible to wish the win for someone else over yourself. I wonder why Catherine thought Lesley was such a better match for Sean?

  9. Bri says:

    Ah, always a good Tuesday when I can start my day with your blog Lincee!

    I think you’ll totally appreciate this link to Sean’s sister Shay’s blog where she talks about her time on St. Croix: http://shullfamily.blogspot.ca/

    Enjoy! :)

  10. Maggie says:

    1. I love the fact that you quoted Chandler (Can open. Worms everywhere) and if you did it inadvertently, I still love it.

    2. I want to know why Lesley struggled to make eye contact with Sean the entire time she was on the show…mystery. At least they’ll have their 3.5 minutes of awkwardness

    3. We would all do well to remember to let others steal our sparkle.

  11. Kim H. says:

    last episode was crazy. I’m convinced Tierra is a drama queen- I was laughing so hard when she kept saying no one is going to take my sparkle.

    Katelyn, i’m with you on the confusion with Catheriene. Catherine was so upset about his decsion to let Leslie go that she even started crying…I don’t get it. Seemed very strange to me, because if yu are in love with someone, you’d be happy anyone was out.

    I knew he was going to get rid of leslie because of the awkwardness she was letting out on their date. I think what happened was that she got nervous with the cameras and she just coulden’t be herself with the camera rolling-

    I have to say i’m rooting for Catheriene even though she had a strange comment at the end- and lindsay. I don’t think Aslee will stay long because it’s not just her age that makes me feel that way, but it’s mostly because I feel her personality doesen’t mix with his too much, she seems much more serious, and see sean as more playful.

  12. Diane says:

    Yay for Shay!
    Attention Brothers: Always listen to you sisters when it comes to women! We’ll never steer you wrong!

  13. OMG, setting up your viewing party for four part harmony of “Hallelujah Chorus”….best lines EVER!

  14. Easycinderella says:

    Catherine is “good to go” in a moment’s notice except for the gigantic spidery false eyelashes that she had time to apply. At 5:00 A.M. Don’t you always do that?

  15. kt says:

    Another fabulous recap – thank you so much!

    I loved AshLee’s expression about Tierra turning into a “pouty pants”!!

    I also noticed the no tears on Tierra – we heard sobs coming from the room, but her eyes and cheeks were completely dry.

    Did anyone else notice that Tierra said something in the van that was the same line she said when she “fell” down the stairs? Something like “they did this to me”

    I loved Leslie but agree that she was nervous and didn’t have the same chemistry, but was hoping Lindsay was going to leave – she seems nice but not very bright.

  16. Kerry says:

    When Catherine was crying about Lesley leaving she said something like she was upset because she felt they were so much alike & if Sean would send Lesley home then what did that say about his feelings for her. Again, I agree with ya’ll they are in competition with each other for the same man so you’re not really supposed to cry when they have to leave!
    As always, thanks for the great recap:)

  17. Rebel says:

    Unfortunately, I had to miss our weekly viewing party here in Abilene and had to watch one of the best episodes later all alone.

    With that in mind – I couldn’t discuss it with anyone as I watched – so here are my highlights!

    1st – I love when Sean told AshLee to stop thinking of herself as broken! BEST ADVICE EVER on this show!
    2nd – Love Catherine… seems open, genuine and fun! And she strong inspite of a hard life!
    3rd – 5th – Can’t believe the “fetus” immediately starts whining about her makeup & sweating, can’t control her brow or her face and can’t even dig up enough true emotion to actually shed a real tear. Hasn’t she ever had a pet die that she could think of?
    6th – what a great sister! Between Ashlee’s truthful info and sister’s insight – he broke free from the darkside!
    7th – I actually screamed out loud, “DING-DONG the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD”!! Couldn’t believe he actually did it!
    8th – Can’t figure out what happened to Leslie… I think SHE is the one who had the sparkle sucked out of her. Maybe by fetus the terrible!
    9th – this is my fav final group of girls ever! They are all actually reasonably normal, somewhat sane and pretty nice. My favs are Ashlee, Des & Catherine. But who knows… he could end up not picking anyone.

    Thank you for wonderfully entertaining and insightful commentary Lincee! Our group in Abilene adores you!

  18. L says:

    kt, did tierra actually say that when she “fell”? i only remember it from the previews of that, where they would show the fall (well, the aftermath), with that audio clip over it… which is something they do all the time in the previews, mixing clips from different episodes to made it seem more dramatic, and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. (the one that really stands out is how they previewed tierra’s fall with kacie b saying this did not turn out how she planned, as if she had something to do with the fall. when really, she just said that after her conversation with sean.)

    but correct me if i’m wrong, maybe they did actually show her saying it there, too?

  19. Julie says:

    How awesome was Lesley’s exhausted, “I hate that bitch” comment?!?!?! Just as I was falling in love with that girl, Dummy sends her home. And after seeing how Sean’s sister is, I really think Lesley would have fit in with the fam.

    I think Sean will find Wedding Dress Girl too young and immature for him. AshLee is too “broken”. Catherine will get to the final with Des and Sean will choose Des. That’s my guess! No spoilers!

  20. Stephi says:

    Lincee,

    First of all, my roommate/ best friend and I are obsessed with you and your recaps. Sometimes we try and predict what you will say about certain things from each episode (specifically Harrison’s outfits) as we watch the ep and then e-mail all about it at work on Tuesday. We’ve even gotten my best friend’s boyfriend into you!

    Anyway, we discovered this today and thought you of all people would absolutely love it. Arie’s comments are, in particular, spectacular.

    https://twitter.com/TierrasEyebrow

  21. Jenny G. says:

    Re: the conversation about Tierra saying the same thing in the van as when she “fell” down the stairs. I think both times she said something like: “I hope the girls are happy. I hope they got what they wanted. boo hoo boo hooo (crocodile tears everywhere).”

  22. kt says:

    L – I think you are right – maybe she said it for real in the van, and they decided it would go quite nicely as a voiceover for the “fall” preview. I think I saw the preview so many more times than the actual footage during the episode!!

  23. Patsy says:

    Taking bets on if Miss Sparkle will show her face at “Women Tell All” … If I were her no way would I face all these woman again! I’d leave the country and take my eyebrows with me.

  24. MrsG says:

    I also wanted to ask everyone about their thoughts on the basket used in Lesley’s date.

    I know, right, “You’re asking about a basket?! Why would you even notice that?!”

    But I only noticed it because I have the exact same one in my living room. And you know when else I have noticed it? On Des’s one-on-one last week {?} when they scaled down the mountain and nibbled on lunch in the valley.

    Is the ABC intern paying to transport props?! With today’s luggage fees?! Seriously?!

    #ifthisbasketcouldtalk

  25. Juno says:

    The last season that I really cared about who “won” this thing (as in, I actually liked all of the remaining contestants) was Andy Baldwin and Tessa’s season. I was really rooting for those two. Sean and Catherine remind me a lot of Andy and Tessa, both individually and together. So I find myself rooting for Catherine.

    I was not a fan of Sean as Bachelor before the season started, but I have totally changed my mind. I hope whoever he picks turns out to be a real love match for both of them.

  26. Lincee says:

    Thanks for making my sparkle shine! You guys rock!

  27. K Lou says:

    Poor Camera #2, looking all Lisbeth Salander-ish, couldn’t keep up while following Sean and Tierra out of the room and into the van. Camera #1 showed multiple sightings of Salander along with a shot of the entire crew just hanging on the sidewalk looking all disinterested.

    Also, did anyone catch someone sleeping double in a single bed yell to Sean’s handheld cam, “I’m naked!” Was it Lindsay? I think she confessed to as much last week.

    Loved when Lesley broke the awkward silence with, “Let’s pick more fruit!” Good segue, sister!

    So happy to be rid of the Tierrorist!

  28. karen says:

    I think he was “encouraged” by the producers to keep Tiera around for the drama. Remember this is the last episode that the girls are together so there would be no more drama in the house. He would have to be a complete idiot not to see what a phony drama queen she is, even when she was with him she was always complaining and whining about something. He seems sweet and a little naive, but not stupid

  29. Bethany says:

    That whole “won’t let them steal my sparkle” thing is from a book called Beauty Queens by Libby Bray. Guess Tierra had been hanging around the young adult lit section.

  30. baseballmama says:

    I knew your blog would be about the sparkle as soon as Tierra said it. You didn’t dissapoint. Love this season, even my husband is watching.

  31. Lin says:

    “If the 32-year-old is a cougar, then I’m the zebra carcass left behind on the Serengeti. SEND THE FETUS HOME SEAN!” Love it!! Sean is 30, right? So a 32 year old is too old for him? omg

    Love the comment about how long it took Ashlee to tell us about the horrible secret from her past. I was like, REALLY? Oh, and the way she yelled to world her love for Sean…I agree, weird.

    Lesley and her eye makeup & blush…Whoa! I think someone got ready in the dark!

    Seriously, my daughter and i were cheering and applauding so loud when Sean sent Tierra home that I’m surprised my neighbors didn’t call the police.

    Oh yes, and that was THE WORST fake crying I’ve ever heard and yes…no tears!!

  32. Kristin says:

    “If the 32-year-old is a cougar, then I’m the zebra carcass left behind on the Serengeti. SEND THE FETUS HOME SEAN!”

    I laughed through the whole recap, but I also really liked the part about assembling the four-part chorus to sing the “Hallelujah” chorus.

  33. Green Bean Queen says:

    I think AshLee is the female version of Jake Pavelka. Physically perfect, self-righteous, judgey, confrontation-loving in a passive-aggressive way.

    But, good grief, AshLee is the prettiest crier I’ve ever seen! When I cry, I look like a red-eyed Gremlin. When AshLee cries, it’s so camera-ready perfect looking-all glassy sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks. She looks better crying than she does when she’s not!

    After all of these dates, I wonder what Sean ever saw in Emily (besides…you know)? He seems to want a woman who is outdoorsy and low-maintenance. I personally think his choice of dates are second in lameness only to Emily’s cookie-making soccer daddy date.

  34. Lori H says:

    Laughed so hard thru this recap! Can’t wait to see next week! I really like all the girls – think any of them would be great, but I’m thinking Lindsay may be the one…?

  35. Ann says:

    I think the footage of Des’ hometown date has been edited to look misleading. Sean loves a practical joke, and just maybe her brother is playing a big one on him.

  36. K# says:

    I’m so proud of Sean! He’s the best Bachelor ever!
    I loved the way he handled the Tierra drama, but I wish we got to see his sister (Chelsey Handler?) interrogateTierra. I did not see any tears from Tierra when she and Sean were on the roll-away cot.
    I also loved the way he took charge and canceled the cocktail party, so manly and hot!
    I’d be happy to see any of the remaining women as our next Bachelorette. Tierra will be great on Bachelor Pad!
    Great recap Lincee!

  37. Tanya says:

    I was going to leave the link to Sean’s sister Shay’s blog, but someone beat me to the punch. Interesting behind the scenes!

  38. Lori says:

    I picked Lindsay and my husband picked Catherine. He sent my pick home so we shall see if he picks Catherine. I do not think they match. Know what I mean? Anyway, funniest Lincee line was ” By the time he finds Tierra, the infinity bracelet has turned her wrist green.” haha Great editing. Thanks for the laughs, Lincee.

  39. Saggleo says:

    I would like to quote – THIS ENTIRE POST!!!! HILARIOUS!!! You are the BEST LINCEE!

  40. Heather says:

    Hallelujah chorus – ha ha ha ha!!!!!

  41. Kim says:

    This quote is from Sean’s sister’s blog…
    :Ok…one last thing…you like what I’m wearing on TV? Don’t I look good? Don’t you want to know what fabulous outfit I have on for my big TV appearance???? I’m wearing my pjs. Yes. Between coming home from Belgium and leaving for St. Croix, I went to JCrew and Nordstrom and bought 4 new outfits…well, when my producer Deb came to prep me for meeting up with Sean, she wasn’t a fan of any of my outfits. So…she grabbed my old green tank top out of my suitcase (the one I slept in the night before!) and said, “wear this!”. And so I did. I wore my tank top that I normally sleep in…the one I had slept in the night before…on national TV. I am just so glamorous. ;)”

    OHCH is now her bestie.

    Check out @TierrasEyebrow on Twitter :)

  42. meg says:

    Lindsay is boring and immature and kinda nondescript. They never talk about anything. Des is cute but the Joey references make me not like her because I hate Katie Holmes. Catherine is adorable – go Catherine! Oh, I just had a sad memory of rooting for OneF! Stupid show…

  43. Linda says:

    Is anyone else tired of AshLee’s extreme overuse of metaphors and similes? It started as the usual, “this is just like my feelings for Sean,” and has morphed into comparing every inanimate object and experiece: this blindfold signifies my walls crumbling! This rose represents my imperfections becoming perfection! This hypothermia is like the way my body is literally breaking down for Sean!

    Hilarious, spot on recap as usual!

  44. SusanM says:

    Well, she’s finally gone. And if she still can’t believe it, or if she really doesn’t understand that HE broke up with HER, and that the other girls didn’t do it to her, she could always call 212-HEARTBR to hear Sean tell her again. Or maybe she wants to hear it in Harrison’s soothing, comforting tones. To read more about this wonderful service, go to:

    http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/01/03/bachelor-heartbreak-hotline-chris-harrison-sean-lowe/

  45. Georgia says:

    They didn’t make eye contact or guacamole! I’ve never laughed so hard, you are such a great writer!!

  46. Hilarious as always, Lincee! I must have rewound Tierra’s rant against 32-year-old single women ten times. I happen to be 32. My mouth was literally on the floor! She is the definition of emotionally unstable. I’m starting to worry about Sean — I mean, he was really into her. What the heck?

  47. Austin-ite says:

    Sparkle Pony. Out.

  48. r says:

    I was quite bored this episode. I’m not a big fan of Des and Sean. I hid behind my pillow when AshLee shouted that she loved Sean. Scared for her heart!!! The zit comment about Lindsay was hilarious Lincee!!! I am a big fan of Catherine but what was her meltdown all about at the end of the episode? I think the fight between Des’ brother and Sean will be some kind of hoax to get him back for the prank Sean pulled on Des on their first date.

  49. NYGal says:

    Ruth, did you really never encounter that kind of thing before? That attitude is about all I remember getting from other women when I was in my thirties (and late twenties too) even some “friends.” Then ex-friends.

  50. Sincethebeginning says:

    Duuuuuude, someone on Kidd Kraddick just won a trip to the Women Tell All. I’m so jealous.

  51. Sincethebeginning says:

    Oh, and I forgot to say that I had my very own “Tierra/Cougar” incident yesterday. One of the employees where I work (24yo) came over to tell us about how after a certain age you are no longer at the right age to reproduce. The age you ask? 30. Yes friends, 30. I had my chilldren after 30 and my older sister is pregnant with her first at 36. It was amazing the brazen-ness of this person (a divorcee no less.) I’m not hating on young divorcees, however live life a little longer and you’ll realize the older, the better. I think it’s funny how today’s youth think life is over at 30. As a 35 yo, I can truly say that I too was a trainwreck in my 20’s, but I also knew life would begin at 30. (just speaking for myself)

  52. akd says:

    So glad Tierrable is gone! The phantom crying was so weak!

    Does anyone remember in the season premiere of what was to come that someone’s boyfriend comes back to win them over? I think it’s Des’s ex boyfriend that comes over during her hometown date that Sean fights with. And its possible her brother doesn’t like the ex… Not Sean. Just my prediction!

  53. Angiebobangie says:

    I think Catherine had more of a girl crush on Lesley than a boy crush on Shawn.

  54. Carrie says:

    I just knew you would have “sparkle” in the title of the lastest entry. And thanks for confirming that WAS a zit on Lindsey’s face. Best update so far this season!

  55. Sue says:

    I’m guessing we have not seen the last of “Tiara”. They always seem to bring back the annoying ones for one last shot during the final fantasy suite episode. Or, maybe she is the author of the letter he reads at the Pier1 Altar. I do think WTA episode will be v-e-r-y interesting ths season.

  56. Dave says:

    Great recap. Thanks. Sean’s interest in Lindsay is puzzling. I’m not saying she’s dumb, but she looks dumb. She’s immature, and their only topic of conversation is that dumb wedding dress. Catherine seems very nice and plenty cute, but, like Sean comes off a little empty headed. Des was my front runner ever since the first date. Unlike most contestants on these shows, she seems to know how to hold a conversation. She’s poised and self-possessed. But I hate the swoosh of hair across her forehead. Just a few years older than the Ashlee seems a world apart from the others in terms of substance, maturity, complexity, and looksA woman among girls. I’m afraid Sean’s after more fluff and airiness in a wife (the human equivalent of cotton candy). I would pick Ashlee, Sean should pick Des, but he will pick Lindsay. .

  57. Franzisk says:

    did you know that his sister has a blog? you will love what she has to say about your man:

    http://www.shullfamily.blogspot.com/2013/02/bachelor-recap-episode-7-happy-birthday.html

  58. addy says:

    I really like Catherine, and I like Des, too. But I like Catherine because she’s been kind of MIA the whole season, which is refreshing, and she’s funny and cute! Des is a little higher maintenance. I think Ashlee is a little too much for him!

  59. Amelia says:

    Where was Chris Harrison that whole episode!?!? In his blog about this episode, he talks like he was in St. Croix, but he didn’t make an appearance, did he? I don’t have DVR (living in the BVI) so I can’t rewind! Can you get to the bottom of this Harrison mystery???

  60. Girlseekingmindlessentertainment says:

    Thank you Lincee and thank you commenters( I know, I made that word up). You all make me laugh! I am addicted to this blog and all the comments……as good as dark chocolate and red wine!
    “SEND THE FETUS HOME SEAN!”
    Dave-“the human equivalent of cotton candy”
    Austin-ite-“Sparkle Pony. Out.”
    Green Bean Queen-“Ashlee is the female version of Jake Pavelka.”
    These and so many more……. Just a few of my favorite things!
    Lindsey in white dresses with wedding satin sashes
    Sparkles that stay on my brow and eyelashes
    These are a few of my favorite things.

  61. Robyn :) says:

    It bothered me that they were saying on the group date that they were the first people in America to see the sunrise. They weren’t. Guam is US Territory, and further East without crossing the International Dateline so they are the first people in America to see the sunrise each day. I had a hard time getting past that lol

  62. Lana says:

    I LIKED Tierra! I mean, only she and The Cullen’s sparkle. But seriously, I really did kind of think she was sweet albeit a tad bit romantic. Why the hell did Catherine cry when AshLee got voted off the island? That needs to go down as the weirdest moment in Bachelor history.

  63. ILG says:

    @K Lou – I heard the “I’m naked!” too. I’ll bet you it was Lindsay after what she told him a week or two ago.

    Reading Sean’s sister’s blog was fun. I love the behind the scenes stuff and how cool OHCH and the crew are. She said they each have a “handler” that has to go everywhere with them….even to work out.

    I was so glad that Shay told him not to go for the girl that the other girl’s don’t like. Someone should have told Ben that! He may have been too dense to listen though.

    I was surprised that Lindsay got the group date rose. I still don’t see her depth but who knows with the way they edit this show.

    I think the final two are Des and Catherine. I can’t decide who he picks. He’s giddy with Catherine but seems to have more in common with Des. We’ll see!

  64. Bianca says:

    My favorite quote: “I paused the TV, separated the girls in my watching party into sections intended for four-part harmony and we issued forth the most beautiful version of the “Hallelujah Chorus” you’ve ever heard. Even the devil bird outside my window ceased its chirping.”

    That is just priceless. Thank you for another spot-on recap. :0).

  65. Juno says:

    I think Ben’s sister gave him more or less the same advice that Shay gave Sean, the main difference being that I think Sean really is serious about settling down and having a family and I don’t think Ben was.

    I have a very good friend who dated “Tierras” for quite some time, because they really were a lot of fun to be with. When it was finally time to get married, though, he was quite careful to pick someone sane.

    I think all of the remaining choices are at the very least, sane. I liked Des from the beginning, but Catherine is growing on me. We shall see.

  66. My favorites (I think…I liked so many of your great recap comments though, Lincee you are priceless.

    If the 32-year-old is a cougar, then I’m the zebra carcass left behind on the Serengeti. SEND THE FETUS HOME SEAN!

    The People’s Eyebrow ladies and gentlemen…

    [Shades of GWTW form 1939!]

    She recovers a second later, vowing as Harrison as her witness, she’ll never be without her sparkle again.”

  67. Bachelortalk says:

    Like you, I was surprised that Lindsay got the group date rose I definitely would have guessed it would be Dez or Catharine since she opened up so much. Lindsay seemed a little boring, but I guess she is the most “normal” seeming girl so far…except for the fact that she showed up in a wedding dress.

    There is something about AshLee that I really like and can see her and Sean together, I feel as though Catharine might still be a little free spirited and not ready to settle down. Dez is the obvious front runner but it looks like next weeks epidose could change that.

    Can’t wait to see what happens… thanks for the posting!

  68. Lincee says:

    Thanks for sending your favorites everyone! And y’all are FREAKING FUNNY! I’m cracking up reading these comments!

  69. Yup says:

    Lesley might have received the boot because of her quick tongue with Sean. I noticed that she tried to be an alpha dog know-it-all around him. Talking fast, acting like the smartest one in the room, cutting him a little short when he’d speak and nodding as if she already knew and had processed what he was about to say. She played it too cool instead of swooning around him more and being genuinely quiet-spirited in his company.

    I think she’s smart and beautiful, but Sean is going to want someone a bit more submissive and needy.

  70. Josie says:

    I so wanted Sean’s sister Shay to meet/talk to Tierra….and hear what Shay had to say about her.

    When I heard Tierra say “Sparkle”….all I could sing the next day is “Shine bright like a diamond….Shine bright like a diamond….” lol!

    Cant wait til Women Tell All!
    Josie

  71. Mary says:

    Great recap! Last weeks episode was one for the record books. I haven’t been so entertained by the Bachelor since Brad Wommack picked no one.

  72. Sharon says:

    The elephant in the room is that Sean is a born again virgin. Why doesn’t that get discussed? Sorry, that would be a huge deal breaker for me (I”m assuming he’s waiting until he gets married???). Are all these woman ok with it?

  73. I am no longer sure the place you are getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time studying much more or working out more. Thanks for great information I used to be in search of this info for my mission.


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