Bachelorette Andi recap: So that’s what goes on in the fantasy suite

Bachelorette Andi

Spoiler alert: Andi traveled around the world to become engaged to a guy who lives five minutes down the street. Josh is happy. His dog is happy. Andi is happy. And Hy is working on accepting his soon-to-be sweaty son-in-law. That’s called a victory in Bachelor Nation.

Of course with every happy ending, there’s always someone who is left sulking in the corner, confused by the fact they too got a certain type of happy ending, yet ABC will not be paying for their wedding come springtime. But we’ll get to that later on.

The show begins with Our Host Chris Harrison commanding the softly lit After the Final Rose studio. He smelled of single malt whiskey, a Montecristo white and tenacity. My first retweet couldn’t have come at a better time:

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Don’t throw those cups away Kate. You wash and reuse.

It’s time for Daddy Dorfman to meet Nick. I didn’t have high hopes for our favorite Wisconsinite when he showed up wearing a lady’s purple shirt, complete with those little tag things that poke out from the arm hole and button just above the elbow.

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He quickly redeemed himself when he offered Hy a bottle of rum he swiped from Our Host Chris Harrison’s limo. Well played Nick. Well played.

He was nervous, but quickly won Andi’s parents over when he openly gushed about how much he’s in love with their daughter. The Mom cried when he said he has never felt this way before. And when Hy asked what he liked about Andi, Nick wisely answered, “She is very passionate about what she does, but doesn’t take herself too seriously. She knows what she wants but she goes with the flow. I know your daughter is for me and I’m going to marry her. It would mean a lot if I had your blessing.”

Hy gives him an enthusiastic, “Meh, okay.” They bro hug it out.

Also, the sister has a turtle tattoo. At first I thought that this was some serious product placement for Disney, but upon further Google research, Paramount is behind the 2014 reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I guess she just reeeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyy likes turtles.

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Heroes in a half shell.

Next up is Josh and he too is wearing purple. His shirt is tighter than Andi’s denim panties she wore that one time and it shows every ounce of sweat he produces from nerves, Dominican Republic humidity and Murray genes. His shirt is buttoned down to there and he has matching purple shoes. Hy was not impressed. The family thinks he’s loud, boisterous and the fact that he’s a former athlete sends major flags to Sister Turtle Power.

Josh sits down with her and her husband (they hold hands all the time) and he assures them that he is in this to win this. And also he loves Andi. Then Hy cracks open the rum and escorts Josh down to the edge of the property. Hy asks him what he likes about Andi. Unlike the wise, normal answer Nick gave, Josh leads with “she’s beautiful” and follows up with a “she’s gorgeous” and ends with the ever popular “she’s beautiful.” Then he asks Hy for Andi’s hand in marriage.

Hy gives him an enthusiastic, “Meh, okay.” They bro hug it out.

We immediately head straight into Josh and Andi’s last one-on-one date. Andi chooses this special moment to wear her favorite Mrs. Roper caftan, while Josh chooses a man tank about three sizes too small. There was also a tiny pocket. What in the world would fit in there?

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Andi takes Josh sailing. They talk about love, future, blah, blah, blah, yet I was distracted by the fact that Andi’s hair was flying everywhere, yet Josh never offered her one of the many hair bands he wore on his wrist like bracelets.

That night, Josh attempts to rock a mean pair of red/orange pants, and I once again miss Ames.

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Instead of looking cool, Josh looked like an ’80s movie villain. It was also at that moment I thought that Andi and Josh’s kids will have really shiny hair. Andi sort of tells Josh that she’s nervous that all the emotion will eventually go away and they are left with a shell of each other. Josh assures her that will never, ever happen. And to prove it, he gives her a present. It’s a baseball card with the name Andi Murray (bold move) and all their date stats on the back. I thought it was a solid nod to the now mandatory last date gift. Although I had no idea about this:

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I knew the minute Andi showed up in her pajama shorts and the oversize tank (read: Josh’s from the night before) that Nick  probably wasn’t going to be the one at the end to drop down on bended knee.

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She hugs him tightly and tells him that she wants to let her hair down and go off roading. Let the record show that her hair was in a braid and the Jeep never left the actual road.

PS: Nick did not look like this in a Jeep:

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That night, Nick tells Andi that once upon a time, he just woke up and knew that he wasn’t supposed to propose to his girlfriend. What took him 10 minutes to tell, I nailed in just one sentence. I’m just sayin’.

He hints around that he wishes he knew what to expect the next day with Andi and she tells him that he shouldn’t be so analytical. Turn off your brain and just feel. It’s just the rest of your life. Don’t think about it so much!

Nick is not capable of turning his brain off, so Andi tosses him a token “It will be alright” which Nick translates into, “It will be alright because I’m picking you tomorrow.” He’s so smitten that he gives her a vile of sand to wear around her neck.

The next morning, Andi walks around in a hot pink negligee, pretending to ponder an extremely easy decision.

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Even Victoria knows that outfit is no longer a secret. Put some pants on Andi.

And then we get this shot:

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And this one:

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I have no idea what message they were trying to convey, but I’m sure hysterical laughter is not what they were going for. It’s funny because it’s scripted.

I get my head back in the game (HSM?) and passed the dramatic abs so I can concentrate on what Andi is saying. Newsflash: Nick is passionate and Josh is fun. Nick is also wearing a red and white gingham shirt. I wouldn’t have been surprised if ants started crawling all over him.

Josh is up first to visit with Uncle Neil. He picks a very large diamond, shakes the man’s hand and then waits the agreed upon 30 seconds before leaving the cabana to head back to his room. We assume Uncle Neil heads down to Nick’s room and when Nick opens the door, Andi is standing there looking extremely gloomy.

Instead of landing this plane, ABC milks a good 15 minutes with Our Host “interviewing” Clare, The Farmer and Drew (blast from the past) on the gravity of this situation. Clare says that she wishes someone had come to her door. The Farmer is nice. And I don’t know what Drew said because I was Googling him. He was Des’ season BTW.

Then Michelle Money stands up and asks Chris Harrison when the next Bachelor is going to be announced? The entire studio audience starts chanting CHRIS, CHRIS, CHRIS! For a hot second, I though they meant Our Host. I had never been more proud of a studio audience, but then I remembered that The Farmer is named Chris. Our Host never answered, but rumor has it that it will be announced after the conclusion of the debauchery known as Bachelor Paradise.

Back to Andi.

She boldly throws the EXACT SAME LINE Nick used the night before as the delicate opening of her break-up speech. Remember how something wasn’t right when he was engaged before? SURPRISE! SHE DOESN’T FEEL IT EITHER!

He asked very smart questions. She basically said he over analyzes everything and she can’t handle that. Nick said that when he said he loved her, he meant it and she shouldn’t have reacted the way she did. He feels like she took it too far. He hopes that she is a million percent (figuratively of course) sure that Josh is the one.

He walks her to his door, she sort of hugs him and he shuts it before she can see him cry. She walks to her waiting SUV in the rain, taking slow, purposeful steps.

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The rain won’t hurt her. Because she’s about to be made over for her engagement anyway.

But then a thought creeped into my head. What if Andi is about to pull an Ultimate Mesnick?

Sidebar:

A regular Mesnick involves crying on a balcony.

theoriginalmesnick

An Ultimate Mesnick involves choosing one winner and then changing your mind.

ultimate mesnick

This did not happen.

Nick is so distraught, he throws away his first impression rose in the garbage, packs his tiny suitcase and manages to refrain from weeping in the back seat of the rejection limo. A single tear falls down his cheek as he wonders, “Why?!”

Andi is now dressed in an interesting Grecian number with a sloppy version of Elsa hair. The Home Depot team has gone above and beyond to build a proposal pedestal on a koi pond. Andi waits for her knight in tight fitting armor to sweep her off her feet. Josh arrives and gives the same speech he’s heard a million times in the locker room, exchanging the word “team” for Andi and “baseball” for love.

And for all of you who wonder how Reality Bif figures out who the winner will be before the end of the season, I have a theory for you.

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Josh completes his engagement spiel 10 minutes later. Andi tells him that she’s been in love with him (going against everything inside of her that says not to) since the day they met! He proposes. She says yes. He sweats. She doesn’t care because of the six carats glistening in the sun on a very important finger. Go Team!

Our Host kicks off After the Final Rose with a sad montage featuring Nick and his distraught mother. Cameras follow him around Milwaukee looking generally forlorn. He decides that he needs to talk to Andi, so he phones Harrison and asks if he can come out to Men Tell All.

Harrison meets him in his dressing room, warning him not to get too close to his array of shirts. He hasn’t quite figured out which end of the blue spectrum he will be going with, and time is of the essence.

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Harrison agrees to talk to Andi for Nick. She does NOT want to see him, so he writes her a letter that rambled on for 18 pages. FRONT AND BACK.

Is anyone else troubled by how many times I’ve used that joke this season?

Back at the studio, Nick has been invited to the hot seat. He’s wearing mourning clothes. He dissects his relationship with Andi for 15 minutes. Remember that part about him being too analytical? Harrison finally brings Andi out to join Nick on the hot couch and she tries to encourage him by the age old, “It’s not you, it’s me.” and “You’ll find someone great one of these days.”

Nick: Exactly. I thought that was you. That’s the hard part.

Andi is trying to control her emotions, but she suddenly blurts out that she never told Nick that she loved him.

Nick’s body language says, “Right. That’s part of the game.”

Then he goes for the jugular and says, “I’m just not sure why (PREGNANT PAUSE) you made love that night.”

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I didn’t hear what Andi said because my gasp was so incredibly loud that I was impressed with myself. I rewound. Andi told Nick that that statement was below the belt and she wished that some things had been kept private. I wonder who had the bigger reaction to that sentence: Josh or Hy?

I agree with her about Nick hitting below the belt. But I also agree with him that she completely sent mixed signals. Regardless, Nick will be seen in a negative light now. Welcome to the Bachelor Villain column Nick! I hope you and He Who Must Not Be Named are happy together.

The DA Andi has officially been unleashed. She no longer cares if she hurts Nick’s feelings. She tells him that she was being considerate when she approached him before he spoke to Uncle Neil and got all gussied up in a tuxedo. She did care and he needs to get over himself.

At this point, Harrison is concerned for Nick’s life, so he intervenes and ends the interview. He pitches Bachelor Paradise while the ABC Intern escorts Nick off the stage and gives Andi a chance to cool off.

After the commercial break, Josh and Andi are reunited. He shakes her like a doll because he’s so excited he beat Nick and that he has a fiance now. Harrison calls Andi out for having a grumpy face and then he brings out grumpy cat. I would have gone with the pout, but the season is over and I’m already moving on.

What did you think about tonight’s episode? Will you be watching Bachelor Paradise? It starts next week you know. You know I’m tuning in. I’m itchy just thinking about it.

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

Comments

120 Comments on "Bachelorette Andi recap: So that’s what goes on in the fantasy suite"

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Debby
Debby

I swear you were sitting here on my couch listening in on our viewing party! Awesome recap as usual, Lincee!

Heather
Heather

I couldn’t watch ATFR because I was too tired and couldn’t stand watching Josh and Andi’s love fest. Made me embarassed for them.

I thought the exact same thing about the rain coming at the perfect time!

I totally agree with Josh’s suit being two sizes too small.

I loved how OHCH put his hand on Farmer Chris’s shoulder when he said the next Bachelor will be announced at a later date.

What a train wreck of a show but I will keep watching (only if Lincee keeps blogging!)

NYGal
NYGal

Forget Hy and Josh. What did Nick’s mom think when her son came out with that?

Beth
Beth

I thought Josh’s proposal was the most disengenuous of any on the show so far. They both seemed so unemotional, all he kept saying in this LONG lead up was how beautiful she was and they were going to be together forever. Andi seemed to know a proposal was coming and was just waiting to check out the ring. THAT’s what she seemed most excited about. I thought she was a heartless, cold b**** towards Nick and I did think she gave him reassurance that he was the one, even though the rest of us knew she was all about Josh. She led Nick on, and I thought when he said that about making love it was to let her know what she did to let him believe he was the one. I felt so bad for him because he truly seemed heartbroken. Josh and Andi don’t seem to love each other, I think there’s a strong physical attraction for Andi and for Josh I think it was all about being the winner. I wondered why Hy never asked him what he does for a living.

NYGal
NYGal

I kept hoping Josh would unbutton the jacket during the proposal. It totally took my concentration away from what was being said. Did notice Andi looking at her ring about 25 times though.

Kristin F.

I actually liked Nick and thought he handled it about as well as could be expected. My husband and I had just paused the show to discuss why they never say, “THEN WHY DID WE HAVE SEX?!” and then out he came with it. We both gasped so loud. I had to pause the show again to gather my wits before moving on! I would normally say to keep it all private, but since she refused to talk to him in private twice before, I figure he deserves answers to all of his questions and if that’s the only place to get them, then she gets to suck it up and deal.

NYGal
NYGal

Josh has a BBA and has been employed in financial services for 2 years:http://www.linkedin.com/pub/josh-murray/22/29a/652?trk=pub-pbmap.
Nick is a manager at a music magazine:http://www.linkedin.com/pub/nick-viall/86/3b2/8a1

Sue
Sue

Andi is in love…with herself. Same with Josh. They make an awesome couple. I didn’t see any heartfelt emotion between them during the proposal or the ATFR. Andi’s hair was a mess and her too-short dress almost showed her privates…again. She looked so bored when she came out to see Nick and her body language and her facial expression were her attempts to intimidate him into just going away. I wish he had shown a little more confidence in expressing how he felt but if looks could kill, poor Nick would be dead. Andi was rude and showed no compassion and I agree, she did lead him to believe he was the one, even in their conversation the last night. My husband remarked on Josh’s too tight suit. And we still dont know what Josh does except that he was a baseball player who left the sport to find love. To me that translates to no job. Anyway, I liked Andi even less after last nights show.

Kelli
Kelli

Totally agree Kristin F. I think Nick deserved some answers and since she was given her chance to tell off Juan Pablo on air and say some very nasty things to him it was only fair that Nick was able to confront her as well. But as we’ve seen from the beginning with Andi, it’s not a two-way street and she gets very angry if anyone dares to question her in any way. Nick, she’s not worth the pain. She is a spoiled and selfish person.

Destiny
Destiny

“knight in tight-fitting armour” – great one, Lincee!

You’re a brave one for tuning into “Bachelor in Paradise”, I don’t think I can handle the debauchery!

Sherry
Sherry

Great recap! I really felt for Nick and I appreciate how he doesn’t play for the cameras and doesn’t seem to care about his image. I think part of the reason he fell so hard was because he got the first impression rose so he thought from the start that they had something special. Andi seems kind of cold and self centered, so in the end I think he dogged a bullet.

Koko from Mo City
Koko from Mo City

I didn’t watch this season’s Bachelorette, mainly because I didn’t care for Andi during the Bachelor. So I watched the ATFR and found I really didn’t miss a darn thing.

Great recap, Lincee. You have me tearing up from keeping the laughter in!

Nick was quite douchey about the Overnight Date. But, then again I don’t think I’d have slept with him if I kinda sorta in a back of my mind way knew I wasn’t in love with him. IJS!

Heidi
Heidi

What was up with presenting Most Bleachable Moment while Nick waits on the couch for Andi to come out? That was awkward and poor timing; especially since the moment involved Nick.

Joanna
Joanna

I like Nick. I think they created drama around him because they had nothing else to go on, plus I think he’s just a little awkward, (but I think it’s kind of endearing). I don’t think it was below the belt for him to say what he did because he had tried (at least) 2 times to talk to her privately and she refused (Which we never knew why she refused other than she didn’t want to have to deal with what she did). I have never liked Andi, she is selfish and refuses to take blame for anything. I know it’s part of the show to essentially lead people on, but I think she did take it too far with him. Plus, let’s not forget that she still slept with Juan Pablo when she knew she didn’t want to be with him. I def. think Nick dodged a bullet and I think Andi and Josh deserve each other.

Karen
Karen

Thank you for the:

Even Victoria knows that outfit is no longer a secret. Put some pants on Andi.

and the:

Nick is also wearing a red and white gingham shirt. I wouldn’t have been surprised if ants started crawling all over him.

Great recap!

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