Bachelor Clare Recap: Dale, Yeah!

Bachelorette Clare Recap
Episode 3

On last week’s podcast (episode #185), Some Guy in Austin said that he questioned Clare’s faculties. In the spirit of U2, I stood up for her in the name of love. 

At first, Clare handles herself normally as Yosef shares that he felt disrespected on his group date and is equally appalled by the humiliating act of naked dodgeball. When confirmed that he was ashamed to be associated with Clare due to her disrespectful craziness, Clare rightfully sent him packing. 

We witness the infamous clip showcasing Clare’s explanation of her singleness. As Yosef shouts, “I expected more from the OLDEST bachelorette,” and willingly offered Clare’s tacky carcass to the rest of the contestants, swarms of delicious-smelling men in various colored evening wear surrounded our bachelorette as a protective barrier against the evil man hopping into the rejection SUV.  

Twelve dudes uplift and praise our bachelorette for being so brave and independent in the face of an ill-mannered neanderthal. Adjusting the strap of her cocktail dress to keep her boobs from falling all the way out, Clare whines that Yosef told her that everyone was just appeasing her. IS THIS TRUE?

Twelve men answer in unison something along the lines of “Noooo way!” Clare retreats to her handler so she can dissect every conversation she’s had with these men in the last 24 hours. Meanwhile, the producers scramble to find Dale and send him down the dimly lit path that will lead him to Clare. 

Dale comforts Clare in a way that makes her feel alive. She tells the camera that she is so flattered that he protected her from Yosef. Let the record show that Dale was not one of the twelve angry men gathered around Clare during her time of distress. Clearly, Dale was in the bathroom or wandering around lost due to the maze that is the La Quinta Resort and Spa. 

Through choking sobs, Clare asks Dale if he is only here to appease her. He leans down and gently reminds her that he is there to PLEASE her. Hubba, hubba. Wink, wink. He instructs her to focus on what matters and sends her into the nearest cabana to film her talking head.

A mascara-stained, tear-streaked, red-nosed Clare stares dumbly at the camera and tells the producers that she’s falling in love with Dale. She is sure of it. Our Host Chris Harrison is sent in to see if he can salvage the night. There are at least ten guys who Clare has yet to memorize their names, let alone carry on a conversation. 

She pokes her lip out at Chris and tells him there’s no need to go on. She knows what she has to do. 

Harrison: “You realize you are contractually obligated to have a rose ceremony.”
Clare: “Oh. I thought you meant I could make my final offer now. Fine. But please, don’t make me look at the season roster. I’m sure I can shout out the name Tyler or Zack, and someone will step up, right?”

I now understand what Some Guy in Austin was eluding to in our conversation last week. After watching the show, I have seen the freak flags fly gallantly through the La Quinta Spa and Resort. Is Clare unhinged? Has she reached an emotionally dependent status? Are the rules being burned in effigy? 

Let’s take a look at the evidence and see. 

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you follow on InstaStory happens to know, sort of know personally, is friends with the Orange Theory trainer who’s obsessed with Moira’s wigs on Schitt’s Creek and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal, and I’m sure they are all lovely people. 

EXHIBIT A: The group date that didn’t happen.

Names are read from the first group date card, and eight guys pile up on the couch to rejoice in the reality that any minute now, they will see Clare in her second pair of shorty shorts. The producers make them talk about their thoughts and feelings. Minutes turn to hours. That’s plural. Poor Ed falls asleep on said couch, waiting for the woman of his dreams to show up. 

What was Clare doing you ask? She was having a visit with Bachelor Nation royalty DeAnna Pappas!

Come again, now?

Exactly. I have so many questions. 

  1. Were Clare and DeAnna in the same season? A quick Wikipedia search confirms that answer is no. 
  2. Do Clare and DeAnna know each other from former Bachelor Nation contestant Vegas weekends and clam bakes by the shore? Hard to tell.
  3. Did DeAnna leave her two children and husband for two weeks to quarantine at the La Quinta Spa and Resort so she could have a conversation with Clare Crawley about love at first sight?

It would appear so. 

DeAnna politely widens her eyes and nods her head, while Clare gives specific and interesting details about the electricity that exudes from Dale’s essence. Then she shows DeAnna a pair of Dale’s pants, sniffs the crotch, and invites DeAnna to do the same.

Again, so many questions.  

DeAnna launches into a “Surviving and Thriving in Your Singleness” talk that she gives on the spinster circuit. Her theme? You know when you know. Clare takes this mantra as a green light to fast track her wedding to Dale as she giggles about how this could be the shortest season ever.

Suddenly, we find Clare bouncing into the living room, squishing between some faceless guy and Dale. None ask why she has made them wait THREE HOURS for her to show up for their date. She flippantly tells them that she’s scratching the date and just having a long cocktail party. 

This is supposed to make everything better. It does not. 

Clare wiggles into her favorite lace teddy and pairs the bustier with tiny white shorts and an 80s-themed white blazer. (So many questions.) I feel like her stylist was going for Cher during her “Heart fo Stone” tour circa 1989. Lingerie, check. Shoulder pads, check. 

Clare teeters in, and Dale immediately asks the guys if he can speak with her first. He only needs five minutes, and he wants to be respectful of everyone’s time. Then he makes everyone participate in a group hug, and that’s the first time I thought Dale was a dweeb. 

In a nutshell, Dale and Clare happen upon the presidential suite where Clare is staying, and they happen to fall on her bed to make out for an entire hour while the others sit and drink. Because Clare refuses to disentangle herself from Dale, the producers send Eazy to her door and instruct him to knock.

Dale jumps off of Clare and offers to hide in the closet or under the bed. This is the second time I thought Dale was a dweeb. Clare laughs nonchalantly and invites Eazy into the fold. Dale politely tries to sneak out but is berated by Clare for not hugging him before he leaves. 

This is the first time I thought Clare was the worst. 

Clare turns to Eazy and, through a drunken hiccup, asks, “What’s up?” Eazy gets five minutes with Clare before she suggests the “go outside with the others.” Then she excuses herself, and the camera picks up her mic as she whispers to her handler, “Can we hurry the rest along?”

This is the second time I thought Clare was the worst.

We rush through Ed, Riley, Blake, and end with Jay trying to be aggressive because he knows Clare likes that. Suddenly, Dale walks into the room where Jay is pouring his heart out, and Clare beams. Then SHE INVITES HIM TO SIT WITH HER AND JAY.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the dweeb and the worst.

Jay slinks off to the guys and tattles that Dale interrupted him. Chasen isn’t having it, so he interrupts Dale, who is flat out pinned up against a wall with Clare. This awkward happenstance does not deter Half Val Kilmer. He stands there until Dale leaves.

Of course, the guys lay into him when he returns. You can’t say that you are a band of brothers and ask for five minutes, then stay away for an hour. You also can’t go back for seconds! Dale straight-up lies and says that the resort is a maze of sidewalks here and there and he got lost coming back from the bathroom.

Exactly zero people believe him. And exactly zero people are surprised when she gives Dale the date rose. Things take a turn for our dweeb when he tells the group that he is the best suited for Clare. To quote Eazy, “His credibility is now in question. That will cause controversy.”

EXHIBIT B: The dinner that didn’t happen.

Zach J. is our resident stalker. Every season has the guy who watched the show and is convinced that the bachelorette is his soulmate. Obviously, he’s going to be nervous and probably fail miserably.

Here’s the deal, though. Clare barely gave him a chance. Am I wrong? Did I misread this date? She takes him on a spa day and doesn’t even allow him to go into the actual spa. Olga and Helga trot out some foot baths the ABC Intern purchased at the Walgreens down the street. They soak in regular water, without smelly salts or rose petals. There is no fancy chair that massages you whilst soaking. No one offers a nice hand massage.

No one offers a massage at all! Isn’t that the clutch move for spa days? Besides being dusted with ceremonial ash from a fertility fire, isn’t the purpose of a spa date the act of giving one another a massage? 

Nope. Clare decides to rub avocado all over Zach’s face. Then she escorts him to the pool. He front flips into the deep end, and she crawls onto a floating cloud with a rainbow. Does Zach read these signs? The signs that Clare doesn’t want to be around him because she’s choosing to sun herself versus making out in a pool? 

Of course Zach does not read the signs. He’s a stalker. They miss cues like that all the time! He doesn’t even notice Clare’s disposition as a bit gloomy, thanks to Dale’s absence. She’s just counting down the minutes until she gets to get dressed for dinner. 

Clare is the worst.

Somehow she ends up on the steps of the pool. In one split second, Clare is recoiling from Jay. He has no idea what he did. I have no idea what he did. The people watching with me have no idea what he did. So we rewind the tape and look again. 

And I’m still not sure what he did.

On one hand, we have Clare’s possible irritation that she leaned in forward for a kiss and Zach leaned away. He emphatically denies this accusation. 

On the other hand, Clare’s dog blocks our view of Zach’s hand which may have infiltrated her no-no zone. 

Clare is jittery and tells Zach that all is well. He pleads for her to explain why she stopped the kiss. Then she suggests that they go their separate ways to get ready for dinner. Then Zach’s moron side rears its ugly head, and he touches her face to either go in for a kiss or to encourage eye contact. Not good.

Clare later tells us that she felt extremely uncomfortable. She does not like that Zach didn’t let her walk away when she wanted to walk away. FYI: She doesn’t want to talk about it, and she doesn’t want to discuss it.

Cue Our Host Chris Harrison sauntering up to Zach, sitting at a pitiful little umbrella table, waiting for his one true love to let bygones be bygones. 

Hare: “I know I’m not who you were expecting.”
Lincee: “Are you kidding? Dinner with Harrison would be a dream come true!”

Hare: “Look, Clare isn’t coming to dinner. You screwed up, man. It’s time to pack it up and go home. No more deli meat. No more pergola pull-ups. It’s just you and your abs in the back seat of the rejection SUV. Your TEAM DALE swag bag is full of Kleenex, chapstick, and a free drink coupon at the United Club.”

EXHIBIT C: The rose that didn’t happen

I hate roasts. I find that they serve no purpose and make everyone, including the audience members, uncomfortable. I understand that some people thrive in this environment, while others want to crawl into a hole and die, even if they aren’t the one being roasted.

Can you guess which one I am?

Our second group date is going to prove to Clare, who can “roll with it.” The goal is to make fun of the other guys on the date. The kicker is that the rest of the house will be your live studio audience since, like Clare, COVID is the worst. 

Naturally, all of the group date guys are ticked that Dale is in the general vicinity. As a result, they all agree to include him as a recipient of their roast. Ben, Bennett, Kenny, and Jordan light into Dale from the stage. Their zingers were dumb or all together mean. Clare’s face transformed from moderately entertained to “I WILL CUT YOU.”

During Clare’s talking head, she wonders why the guys would be so hostile toward her beloved. 

Clare: “Was it just a joke? Or was it jealousy? Do you think they are picking up on my affection toward Dale? If so, who cares? I AM IN LOVE, BIT#%$ and those guys need to deal…with…it. You can’t mess with my fiance like that. 
Producer: “He’s not your fiance. 

Clare: “He might as well be.”
Handler: “You’ve known him for 48 hours.”

Clare: “So. What’s your point? A wise old prophet woman once told me, ‘When you know, you know.’”
Producer: “Can someone get Harrison? And find Tayshia’s number for me? Thanks.”

Clare spends the entire cocktail party (after the roast) asking each guy to specifically tell her in great detail exactly why they chose to rip Dale a new one when his current one is perfectly lovely?

Clare: “So why did you go for Dale so hard, man?”
Guy Whose Name She Can’t Remember: “I’d rather not talk him.”

Clare: “You had three pages of jokes. What was that?”
Other Guy Whose Name She Can’t Remember: “I’d like to use this time to talk about us.”

It’s High Hair Kenny, who starts putting two and two together. He wonders out loud to the group if the Dale roast might have backfired. Ben chimes in, claiming that Clare only wanted to talk about his Dale joke during his alone time. Jay says the same. One-by-one each guy confirms that Clare’s attention span reached no further than Dale. 

High Hair asks the group, “Can you name one guy whose relationship has improved due to his time with Clare tonight? If it’s not Dale, then who has she shown the most interest?”

Crickets. They all look at each other and shrug their shoulders. 

The lone red bud sits on the table and a prediction is made. It all comes down to this rose. Since Dale is not on the date, whoever she gives the rose to is at least in the running.

Clare bounces up in her canary yellow sequined gown, perfect for a cocktail party by the La Quinta pool, and picks up the rose. She announced that she “did not get what she needed” from the guys and awards herself the bud. She bids them adieu and runs off to her suite, presumably to secretly get it on with Dale.

Clare is the worst.

But it looks like the guys may not stand for it for very much longer. What if they all walked out? What would she do then?

Come on, High Hair. She’d celebrate. Duh. 

Still, it would be an impactful moment. Why are they there if she’s going through the motions? Moreover, is this what happens every season? And we don’t see it because they are trying to keep it under wraps? 

Clare is getting a bad edit, which highlights some questionable moments caught on camera. How much longer can this last? Because Tayshia’s hot bikini body emerging from the LaQuinta pool in slow motion in the last nine seconds of the show tells me that Clare’s days are numbered. 

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Photo By: ABC.com
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Kathy Wheeler
Kathy Wheeler
October 28, 2020 2:48 pm

Taking a page out of Dr. Phil’s playbook, Claire lacks insight. She can’t see that she is letting all the other men down and is not respecting them or the process at all. She is blaming everyone else for mistakes she is making. And it’s normally a cardinal rule that during your time with the bach/bachette, you do NOT discuss another bach/bachette. And here Claire only wanted them to talk about Dale. It’s like high school. “What did he say about me? Did he say I’m cute? Oooooh, really, he said THAT?” I can’t wait until she is gone and… Read more »

Allia
Allia
October 28, 2020 3:06 pm

The only winner in this episode was Yosef. Mind you, he would have done himself better by skipping the talk and leaving quietly. Nonetheless, all the years of the franchise, I’ve never seen a bachelorette (or bachelor) be so negative toward the suitors. I mean, come on, have a tidbit of consideration towards these guys who are trying to get to know you… they can’t end Clare’s run soon enough. Tayshia?! Where are you?! Save us!

Trish
Trish
October 28, 2020 4:17 pm
Reply to  Allia

Yes! His approach was not great but I agreed with what he was saying

Bee
Bee
October 30, 2020 4:04 pm
Reply to  Allia

I appreciated him calling her out! He did get petty a bit as it kept going and was a bit harsh, but I loved how she tried to act like he was speaking to her inappropriately. When she flipped it on him, I was like wow. And I like how she had to make sure she broke up with him and sent him home when it was clear he was sending himself home.

Brian Berman
Brian Berman
October 28, 2020 3:22 pm

So Claire asks Dale, “Why are you so perfect?”

If I had a dime for every time a woman asked me that, I’d have zero dimes…

Allia
Allia
October 28, 2020 4:24 pm
Reply to  Brian Berman

Hahaha! I bet you Dale would have a whole load of dimes… which is why I can’t see him sticking with Clare for too long.

Mimi of 2
Mimi of 2
October 28, 2020 9:25 pm
Reply to  Brian Berman

You may not be perfect but you had the perfect comment

Dee
Dee
October 29, 2020 12:50 pm
Reply to  Brian Berman

It seemed like a weird thing for her to say to him, for sure! Especially after only having known Dale for a couple of days . . .

Last edited 22 days ago by Dee
Sara P.
Sara P.
October 28, 2020 3:22 pm

For the oldest bachelorette EVER, Clare is stunningly immature and insecure. My Bachelorette watching group is making over/under bets on how long Clare and Dale last after they leave, but I’m encouraging everyone to read up on Clare/Benoit before they place their bets. (we’ve heard every other sorry detail about Clare’s star-crossed past – why haven’t they said anything about her ENGAGEMENT?) Which was all of two years ago? This is a really cool bunch of guys, and they deserve better.

Kathy Wheeler
Kathy Wheeler
October 28, 2020 3:48 pm
Reply to  Sara P.

I agree, she has some really cool guys! Good looking, mostly professional men who really want to get to meet her.

Allia
Allia
October 28, 2020 4:21 pm
Reply to  Sara P.

I completely forgot about the engagement! You are so right. How has that never been brought up?
I think Dale is far too young and easy-going for her. Imho, she needs someone who will keep her in check and call her out on her hysterics. Not in an abusive way, of course, but also not to let her treat him like she’s been treating the guys this far (except Dale). It’s a total shame because she actually did get a good group of guys.

Dana P
Dana P
October 28, 2020 3:35 pm

I don’t watch Paradise or other spin-offs, so I’ve not seen Clare since Juan Pablo’s season. After watching her immature and self-centered behavior last night, I now believe that Juan Pab’s dodged the bullet, not vice versa. She is awful.

Last edited 23 days ago by Dana P
Linda
Linda
November 1, 2020 6:40 am
Reply to  Dana P

Yup Dana, hot mess on both seasons of BIP. The first she was with this guy Zach but he wasn’t as into her as she was him. Surprise, surprise. So she staged this dramatic walk out in the wee hours of the morning. It seemed like she was trying to beg her to stay, but when he called her bluff and said goodbye, she really had no choice but to exit. The second one she didn’t make a connection that gave this ridiculous dramatic speech at a rose ceremony blaming everyone else for her failure to find love. I though… Read more »

Sally H
October 28, 2020 3:41 pm

I am surprised by what a hot mess Clare is. Had high hopes for her. I wonder if on a normal season, it would be easier to hide her feelings for Dale from the other guys but with the situation like it is, they are pretty much having things happen right under their noses. Sort of fun to see the light bulb come on and all the guys figuring out that they are just fodder until she can walk into the sunset with Dale. Hopefully the rest of this season with Tayisha will have some fun interactions with these guys-those… Read more »

Trish
Trish
October 28, 2020 4:16 pm

I think they should let every guy that got kicked off come back for Tayshia since they were getting booted by someone who has zero interest in getting to know them and see if there is anything there. I do feel bad for this group of guys. No one else had a shot before they even had the first date. I think Clare has not dealt with her issues as she loudly proclaims she has.

Jude
October 28, 2020 4:21 pm

In my opinion…Clare is a total Wacko!! She reminds me of a little 12 yr. old with their 1st crush! She comes off as immature, insecure, narcissistic and possibly a little psycho!! I imagine all of Dale’s sisters and his mother are totally freaking out!! There is no way this relationship will last!!! Dale may end up with a stalker on his hands when he finally wakes up and tries to escape the clutches of CRAZY CLARE!!!

Helen
Helen
October 29, 2020 1:17 pm
Reply to  Jude

Too bad we won’t get to see a hometown date with Dale’s family!

Patty Lore
Patty Lore
October 28, 2020 5:15 pm

Do we know how/why she had Dale’s pants in her room?

Rebecca
Rebecca
October 28, 2020 6:06 pm
Reply to  Patty Lore

She said that he ripped them on the group date, and that she said, I want those as a gift, so he gave them to her later that day/eve.

Mallory
Mallory
October 28, 2020 6:11 pm

Very insightful recap! I agree with everything you said. Clare and DeAnna sniffing Dale’s pants was SO creepy. And can we talk about DeAnna saying they were a size 46?! Dale is maybe a 32…

Also, with Tayshia coming on, will they lengthen the season? Otherwise how will Tayshia possibly get to know the guys at all?

Libby
Libby
October 29, 2020 2:47 pm
Reply to  Mallory

I’m gonna be big mad if we don’t get a full season’s worth of episodes of Tayshia.

Michele
Michele
October 28, 2020 6:28 pm

This season’s train wreck is a RUNAWAY train and I can’t wait for it to completely derail. I can’t believe how inconsiderate and selfish Clare is. She justifies it in her mind because it’s all about HER finding LOVE (at any cost). Well, how about some decency too? Caring about the feelings of others? She doesn’t have to love them, just be a decent human being to them. No, it’s all about HER and Dale. I’m not even going into specifics. I agree with others who have said that while Clare has claimed to have done “a lot of work… Read more »

OR gal
OR gal
October 28, 2020 6:49 pm

Clare and the producers have ruined this show. And I have never seen Lincee call the lead ‘the worst’. You know it’s really bad when it comes down to that.

I miss watching the romances grow, trying to figure out who will come out of the limo first at the end and and the happy interchanges with
OHCH.

We have the male version of He Who Shall Not Be Named, and now we have the female version.

Rebecca
Rebecca
October 28, 2020 9:17 pm

I get why you all are coming for Clare. I just want to remind everyone that Clare was never the sharpest thorn on the rose. I believe her “lack of maturity” may simply be her gullibility and lower intelligence- which is not her fault (listen to any of Sharleen’s interviews on podcasts for her more PC statement of the facts). The producers saw how things were going and teed her up to fall down. Granted she took the swan dive off of the deep end, but I do think she was misled and probably told, yeah, you go girl, we… Read more »

Gondawatchsumore
Gondawatchsumore
October 29, 2020 12:03 am
Reply to  Rebecca

“Sharpest thorn on the rose” lol. Nice one

imann
imann
October 29, 2020 2:12 pm
Reply to  Rebecca

Agreed i’ve never seen that man in my life! Also… i failed to notice till you mentioned it that the rose ceremony was not recapped. i miss it too!

Mimi of 2
Mimi of 2
October 28, 2020 9:35 pm

Oh Claire. You might need to get a refund from that therapist. The weird obsession with Dale reminds me of middle school girls. Which is why I don’t work in middle school anymore. Haha. I’m so happy for the other guys that Tasha is on her way. Rooting for Jordan, he is adorable and I think they would be so cute together

Bri
Bri
October 28, 2020 11:53 pm

I’m with you on the roasts Lincee – HATE them! I just don’t see how it’s funny to say mean things about people to their face. 🙁 On that note, at least Clare’s comments to the guys at the end of the roast were witty! I think Clare is the product of a terrible edit. I heard Michelle Money say on the US weekly podcast that Clare spent equal amounts of time with each guy, and talked about things other than Dale, but it’s never shown. Plus, they’re showing conversations behind the scenes with producers that probably always go on,… Read more »

Rebecca
Rebecca
October 29, 2020 9:37 am
Reply to  Bri

Agree!! But I do confess that I always also felt that Clare was over the top in a way that made me eye roll on every appearance on the show. I actually am more defensive of her this time because the producers/editors are coming at her so hard!!

Libby
Libby
October 29, 2020 2:52 pm
Reply to  Bri

Hard agree. I don’t love Clare but I am absolutely certain that she doesn’t FULLY deserve the ire the world is throwing at her right now. There is definitely some shady editing going on that is probably making the situation seem worse than it actually is.

Allia
Allia
October 30, 2020 11:33 am
Reply to  Bri

I agree that there does seem to be a lot of bad editing. That said, in hindsight, I think the lead role was just not for her. She’s high strung and doesn’t do well managing a big group of guys. It’s not for everyone…

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