Bachelorette Jojo recap: Some like it hot in Thailand

Bachelorette JoJo recap: Episode 9

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a hijacking.

You may know that dear Lincee is in Africa serving her heart out, and you likely love her for it (we all do).  But what about the American reality TV happening back home?  What about us who spend hours of our Monday evenings glued to ABC simply so we can fully anticipate and appreciate the Tuesday recap?  We have needs, y’all.

Fortunately, Lincee left behind most of her Bachelor/ette watch party and we are committed to this cause.  We must make fun of each ridiculous outfit and each awkward forego moment in her absence.  It’s what she would want.

So friends, we invite you into Emily’s living room where we gather ritualistically each Monday. We eat Starburst jelly beans while we watch The Show and enjoy the antics of Phoebe the Basset Hound.  It’s not quite the same without Lincee, but if we all band together we can survive.  We share with you today the moments when we screamed, gasped and cushion-hid last night…but we are insufficient without our leader.  Help us by adding all the things you thought in your head but didn’t want to say out loud.  This is a safe space with NO SPOILERS, PLEASE!  Together we WILL get through this – and rest assured Lincee will be back next week!

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you follow on Snapchat happen to personally know, sort of know, or is friends with the Rodan+Fields consultant who claims to love Hodor even though she doesn’t watch Game of Thrones…none of this is personal and we’re sure they are all lovely people.

ROSE CEREMONY #1
The 3 boys adjust their pocket squares as the episode opens, and we all marvel at Jojo’s ability to do squats in that mermaid dress. How many ABC interns did it take to help her up from her position on the runway? Back at the travel-themed rose ceremony, Robby is nervous, Luke is relieved he finally said the L-word, Jordan is confident, and Chase is… well, somewhat normal. Harrison says it’s time, and Jojo pulls the plug on Luke.

Peace out, Luke. We miss you already too. Next time use your words.

The group jumps in one of the decorative planes from the rose ceremony and we find ourselves in Thailand looking for clarity in all the wrong places. Jojo strolls the beach in her classic tightie whities and we wonder if we’ve unknowingly changed the channel to Sisterhood of the Traveling White Denim Panties? There are 6 outfit changes in the first two minutes of Joj’s pensive Thailand montage – sweat-induced? Or is she working on her portfolio?

ROBBY’S DATE
Robby and Jojo stroll through a Thai market, sticking out like sore thumbs as they taste food and make out. The couple lands in a little booth with massage chairs.  Robby is caught off guard by Jojo’s mention of a Thai massage. In Thailand. Was he expecting something Swedish? When in Rome, Robster. He finally embraces the spa day, and we suspect we may have glimpsed a weekly activity in Jojo’s future.

Having taken note of Jojo’s affinity for all things tight and white, Robby finds the long version of Jojo’s denim panties to wear to dinner.  As they rehash last week’s Florida hometown, Robby presents a note from his dad encouraging them to ignore the drama and follow their hearts.  The note is Jojo’s to keep.  She mentally adds Hobby Lobby to her errand list – surely this is a framer.

When the inevitable forego card shows up, we all roll our eyes.  Thanks for reading it out loud, but we all have the text memorized.  Let’s change those bad boys up a bit or maybe just wave it in front of the camera and wink?  Jennifer and Rena from Facebook feel our pain:
Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 11.45.10 AM Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 2.36.26 PM

We take note of how the slit in Jojo’s dress reminds us of the Red Sea parting, roll our eyes again as she disappears for her overnight with the Ken doll, then gag when he comments he “no longer has to dream about Jojo he gets to dream with her.”  He says he hopes he wakes up tomorrow… we hope that too, buddy.

The next scene finds them giggling and eating their breakfast in a sea of white sheets that accentuates their matching tans.  Kudos to our bachelorette for her attempt at the messy “I just woke up” hair, but we KNOW she did not sleep with that huge clip in her hair.

Why are Jojo’s shoes on the bedside table instead of on the floor?  Why does she have to be the one to do the walk of shame?  And where did she get that extra set of clothes?

We don’t know the answers, but we know we have one fantasy suite under our belts.  On to the next!

JORDAN’S DATE
Jojo walks the beach channeling her inner sporty spice with her 90’s halter top and choker as Jordan runs toward her Baywatch-style. We conclude the chambray shirt wrapped around her waist must be covering her black box areas for the upcoming camera angles on their hike.

When they approach the temple, Jojo informs us that the shirt is to cover her shoulders in this sacred area. Aha! Dual purpose! However, we wonder why she didn’t have to wear something that covered a little more of her sacred area?

Fear and uncertainty are driving this date. Joj asks many questions, all beginning with “What if?” and “How do you know?” and Jordan responds with loads of ambiguity and chachery. He “has a feeling” and we vow to sign him and Luke up for the same seminar on using words. We determine that Jojo is trying to make “That’s What Ben Said” a thing. Sister, he was a contestant last season. Let him go!

Forego card #2 arrives and we take note of Jojo’s creative halter top and inkblot skirt as the two slink into their fantasy suite.

The next morning, Jojo announces they’re having their first (of many?) breakfasts together and we rewind the DVR three times trying to tell if Jordan’s grey yoga pants are from Lululemon. Maybe the ABC intern swapped their overnight bags? Jo abandons an ambiguous Jordan to walk the beach in her camo jumper and muse about whether she could be falling in love with three men, all the while vowing not to say too much too soon (that’s what Ben did).

CHASE’S DATE
Chase and Jojo cruise Thailand in a little red boat, sweaty and smelling of fish. We take note of pair #3 of Jojo’s white denim panties… do these things have the days of the week written on them?

Jojo misses most of the scenery on their ride because she’s busy making out and telling Chase that his lips/tongue help her to forget how hot it is. We debate whether that’s a compliment. She then comes up for air long enough to interact with a monkey and to tell us monkeys are like humans. Following that biology lesson, they proceed to demonstrate ALL THE JUMP AND STRADDLES (trademark pending).

Chase gives Jojo a piggy-back ride off the boat, (reverse jump and straddle), followed by front-to-front makeout sesh (seated jump and straddle) and finish with him carrying her through the ocean (swimming jump and straddle). We hold up our scorecards for each move and make a note to have Lincee follow up with her trademark lawyer. This thing is catching on.

While Jojo is changing out of one sweaty outfit and into another, she gets a surprise visit from Robby who says “hi” and “I miss you” over and over. He says he’s ready to be her husband and for “country clubs and coloring books.” She mentions that she’s “literally in the middle of another date” as she kisses him and giggles.

Chase and Jojo hit “unpause” on their date and enjoy dinner together. Jojo compliments Chase on being playful and Chase looks sunburned and exhausted. He communicates like a champ and defines what love is using real words, excusing him from the aforementioned seminar.

Chase is 100% in love with Jojo. We are 100% in love with Chase.

Giggling as he reads the forego card, Chase looks forward to a full night with Jojo – no distractions. In the suite, Jojo pushes him until he says “I love you” just to see how her feelings respond. She says “thank you” and has a mini panic attack, repeating her squat exercises from the earlier “crouching mermaid” moment.

We applaud Jojo for sorting through her feelings and letting Chase know she isn’t in the same place he is prior to forgoing. She drops the bomb and is met with ACTUAL CRICKETS. Jojo ugly cries and Chase vents about her rewarding his vulnerability with rejection. She drags out the goodbye and then chases him out the door, clearly hoping for a different reaction (although we aren’t sure what). He finally leaves; we all breathe a sigh of relief. And follow him on Instagram.

ROSE CEREMONY #2
Jordan and Robby arrive wearing identical short pants and flipflops. We’re excited for all of the rose ceremony with none of the awkward – 2 roses, 2 dudes. Let’s get this waste of five minutes over with!

And then… Chase. He’s back to hijack the rose ceremony, just like we hijacked this blog post. Turns out his rejection limo just went around the block and dropped him back off to crash the rose ceremony! We note that he didn’t dress like the other fellas (full-length pants, shoes, belt) – and note that we agree with Hey Ya’ll. They must take you off the “what to wear” group text when you get canned.

After expressing himself with extreme class and maturity, Chase makes his final exit trailed by a souvenir monkey from his final date with Jojo. We swear we can hear the Backstreet Boys singing “Tell me why-eee” in the background. Is this all a ploy to be the next Bachelor?

The unnecessary rose ceremony proceeds. Roses are awkwardly handed out to Jordan and then Robby. We get bored and start talking about how we can’t wait to see Jojo’s mom again next week.

Also, we’d like to send a very special birthday shout-out to Our Host Chris Harrison.  Thanks for brightening every week with your manly scents and rugged handsomeness.

Our Host Chris Harrison from Lincee Ray on Vimeo.

We can’t wait to hear what you all thought!  Since we need your comments more than ever, and since it’s a special week here in IHGB land, we want you to know that $1 will be donated to Arise Africa for each comment on this week’s recap.  Sound off for a great cause!

Comments

345 Comments on "Bachelorette Jojo recap: Some like it hot in Thailand"

avatar
Amanda

You filled in WELL! Great job writing for Lincee this week. I know she must be proud. 🙂
Yay Arise Africa! Here’s your first $1!!!!!!!!!!!

Lincee

Woo hoo! Thanks Amanda!

Liz
Liz

Is Luke a real person, or a mannequin?? And did anyone else notice how Jordan’s eyes reflected nervousness at the rose ceremony?

Karen
Karen

I felt like Jordan’s eyes reflected nervousness every time she questioned him. How does she not see it?!?

Lincee

He’s a mannequin. A very hot mannequin.

marymary
marymary

The biggest takeaway from last night’s episode is that JoJo has poor taste in men: she sent home the two men who seem to be normal guys who will make good husbands, and kept the two vain schemers who seem to be parroting all of the bachelor cliches from the past.

And how deftly did Jordan dodge the serious question about what their lives would be like in the next year? How did she not get worried about his lack of an answer.

Thanks for a great recap, ladies – Lincee will be proud!

Wynter
Wynter

Thank you – I agree 100%! I’ve worried from the start about JoJo’s choices when she actually kept the two guys who got drunk on the very first night.
Lost interest last night, but will tune in tonight and hope it won’t just be, “The Chad Show”.

Lili
Lili

I too hoped it wouldn’t be “the Chad show” but sadly our hopes were dashed in the first 5 seconds. Couldn’t even get through the MTA. Awful, mindless and boring waste of time.

Jolene
Jolene

Totally agree. Luke and Chase were ruggedly handsome and had jobs. They acted like adults and spoke like normal people not from a script. They would take care of her–as she has stated numerous times to want.

Deebee
Deebee

Agree. Robby and Jordan seem to both be very self-absorbed.

Julie

TOTALLY agree. I think Luke is the best bachelor they’ve ever had, the real deal and I cannot fathom how she sent him home. Chase also seemed like a stellar guy. Obviously her man picker is BROKEN!! Regrets will be coming soon.

Eh?
Eh?

I think she got it mixed up with her gaydar.

JenniferCA
JenniferCA

Right????

Carol S.
Carol S.

What exactly or even generally for that matter does Jordan do? Or Robbie? Lincee said she was concerned he would be on the road back and forth…doing what? I think she’s had a taste of the cameras and does NOT want to live in a neighborhood with a working husband who owns a home. I would have been sick of kissing if I was her, really way too much and with so many different guys…couldn’t do it.

Jen

I 100% agree with you! Luke and Chase were both “men” in that group, and they make wishy-washy Robby and Jordan look like non-committal boys. Sidenote: does this mean that Luke is available now? Also, couldn’t help but laugh at the BSB reference. Well done!

Babs
Babs

I agree (mostly) the only thing I disagree with is Luke having a real job. I was curious about what he did when he dropped that he lives in Nashville now and not Texas so I researched and low and behold he is in a band in Nashville trying to jump start his music career. Chad had one thing right last night in that most of these guys were there for exposure not JoJo… Not that I’m a fan of Chad!

Deebee
Deebee

But Luke has never mentioned his music career unlike the other bozos that bring their guitars with them to the mansion and write a song for the Bachelorette. And usually not a good song, haha.

Lili
Lili

Agreed! Best two went home but also seem groomed, prepped and poised to be the next bachelor… I’d vote for either Chase or Luke but my money is on Chase. Wonderful recap! You do Lincee proud!

Kelly
Kelly

Totally agree!!!

So glad you hijacked, you did a great job!

Bri
Bri

So true – but then she seems to be attracted to bad boys, so perhaps she hasn’t yet developed the maturity needed to sustain a long-term relationship anyway!

Lincee

I’m so proud!

TX QP

Hijack Away! You are correct, it’s what Lincee would have wanted. And you all must be very close, you didn’t disappoint!

Lincee

These girls know what they are doing!

MelissaC
MelissaC

You gals did an amazing job with this post!! I think the highlight was the breakdown of the jump and straddles – nicely done. I was also curious why she did the walk of shame afterward? Shouldn’t she lounge around in the fantasy suite after he leaves? I know I’m ~15 years older than the Joj and her crew but I don’t understand these skin tight skinny jeans on the guys. Is that attractive to the 20-something crowd? Green earners please let me know. Anyway, great re-cap! Lincee is lucky to have you all in her posse!

MelissaC
MelissaC

thats supposed to say “greenbeaners” – ugh autocorrect.

Watch cuz I like this blog
Watch cuz I like this blog

Haha……Actually I liked your term “green earners” as when I first read it ; I thought you meant you wanted the opinion of people who have actual professional jobs as opposed to ……say …..unnamed bachelors who don’t have a real job listed!

Christine
Christine

Every time I see these guys in their jeggings, It reminds me of the floral pair I bought my granddaughter when she was two. They were cute on her.
Also,I loved the line about how many ABC interns it took to get JoJo up from her squatting posistion on the runway. Too good!

Lincee

I have enough problems with girls wearing leggings. Don’t get me started on the dudes.

Nancy Bailey

Hi Ladies, Good to know you’re there to fill us in with Lincee-type wisdom. Now I can’t watch one episode without laughing to myself about Lincee’s greatest hits – the denim panties, the blue mermaid, the jump and straddle, etc.

Lincee

Blue mermaid was the BEST.

Sharon

“they proceed to demonstrate ALL THE JUMP AND STRADDLES (trademark pending).”

Nice job ladies! Cannot WAIT for Jo Jo’s mom!!! I will have my bottle ready for swigging.

Kelli

Yes! Jojo’s mom was the best! I expect drama next week!

Lincee

I’m on the trademark…

LizzieGator
LizzieGator

So… I have recently been reading another Bachelor recap blog and noticed they also use *denim panties* and the *jump and straddle* (TM) – heard it here first, ladies and gents!

Jojo totally failed in letting Chase and Luke go over Robby and Jordan – she can’t seriously be looking for a husband, she’s looking for an instagram photo partner.

Jackie
Jackie

High five on the “Instagram photo partner” !!!

Lincee

Thank you Lizzie!

Ruth

Jordan. “I hope I can be the guy she deserves.” Hmmmm. Sounds like he doesn’t know if he can stay faithful? Or have I read too many gossip mags?
Anyway, I hope Lincee is doing well in Africa. Great recap!

Lincee

Doing great! Thanks Ruth!

Deebee
Deebee

Great job gals! Many favorite lines here but the reference to the Backstreet Boys singing “Tell my why-eee” had me doubled over.
Too bad Jojo let Luke and Chase go. Seems like “I love you” goes way too far with her.

Deebee
Deebee

“Tell me why-eee” I need to edit before I post!

Lincee

You can’t go wrong with BSB!

SquirrelGirl

Great recap! Well done, Gals! Lincee, your friends are fab!

Oh Jojo– your taste in men is horrid. Keep Gay Robby and Jordan? Are you serious? Send home the two with real personalities and keep those two? Really?

And the forgo card and steam punk key is so silly. I guess a real plastic hotel room key card is not as fun to tuck in an envelope. And was it a switch that Jojo actually said she was looking forward to being intimate (GaG!) with Robby? Don’t they usually say how they are just looking forward to spending uninterrupted time together?

MIlly
MIlly

So sad that Chase and Luke were sent home. Luke was one of the most multidimensional, deep, attractive yet funny guys this show has seen (and they had great passion together!) And Chase is ruggedly handsome, adorable, and they looked like they had SO MUCH FUN together on their date. Grrrr. At least we will see more of one of them as the bachelor I’m sure!
I do like Jojo though and I sympathize with her hard choices
Great job on the recap! You guys really channelled Lincees style

Lincee

They are fab, aren’t they?!

KingAmy
KingAmy

Well done LC and crew!!

Mollie A
Mollie A

I loved the Mary Tyler Moore essence of the opening montage with Jojo in Thailand. Also, I didn’t realize it was Robby and her fantasy date until well into the Thai massages. I kept waiting for the others to show up. And, lastly, I assume Jordan and she had to hike all the way out of the temple cavern after their hug session or did the ABC intern send down a rope? Unfortunately, I missed the first 30 minutes of the second hour (here in Highlands Ranch, CO!) thanks to the DNC. But, I did get to see the wheels come off the bus with Chase’s date.

Great recap! Thanks for filling in!

Cheryl

I really wonder how the show would be different next week if the final two were Chase and Luke. What great guys she let go….I’m sure she is regretting it watching it back.

Lincee

A rope!!!

Tara

You all did a fantastic job filling in for Lincee! Thanks for the recap and for donating to Arise Africa!

Lincee

Yay for all the feels!

tracee
tracee

Hate that Jo Jo forced Chase into saying he loved her when she had no intention of choosing him. So glad he called her out.
The monkey had it right and followed Chase.

Carol S.
Carol S.

His replies to her after getting forced to tell her he loved her (which I’m sure producers forced)…were spot on. She said I didn’t want to hurt you like Ben did me….he says that’s exactly what you just did. He wasn’t giving her an inch. Good for him, he was my fav. Sure his emotions aren’t falling off his sleeve at every turn (like Robby, and what a rip off that he interrupted his date day, hmmmm…wonder if that made her rethink feelings for Chase?) Really though I couldn’t see him happy with her long term.

Ginger C
Ginger C

“The monkey had it right and followed Chase.” Hilarious!!

Lincee

Monkey for the win.

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