Bachelorette Recap: Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Bachelorette Recap: Rachel Episode 7

I KNEW IT! Geneva, Switzerland is the perfect place to fall in love. It’s also the perfect place to ditch a couple of superfluous bachelors, as well as almost lose a digit to frostbite.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

As Rachel wanders the streets of Geneva, giddy that she has access to both a waterfront and mountains, she reflects on the importance of this week’s dates. The men left holding red rose boutonnieres will be the ones who will tour her around their hometowns and display awkward glances behind her back when family members inevitably tell embarrassing stories or say unruly things.

Matt (the penguin) is really excited for Rachel to meet his family. I’ll let you choose how you would like to respond to this statement:

A. You laugh, knowing that there’s no way Matt will be visiting Dallas anytime soon.
B. You ask your neighbor, “Who’s Matt?”

Rachel busts through the door of the lucky hotel chain owned by the woman who sits on the Geneva tourism board, not to be confused by the man who manages a chain of Breitling watch shops. She’s a vision in head-to-toe white and seems a bit annoyed that all the dudes just sit around when she enters a room. Either everyone is jet lagged, or our suitors are ready for their journey to find love to end.

As I survey the circle, I notice that Matt is wearing an old Levi blue jean jacket. I like it. Dean chooses a black hoodie with bright white strings around his neck. Odd. Peter is in one of the dozen old-man sweaters he packed for the trip, Adam Jr’s Dad is in stitches, and Eric is the only one with a jaunty scarf. Bryan is in a normal outfit until Rachel asks too him to “go get ready” since he is the recipient of the first of three one-on-one dates.

While Bryan changes into a shiny purple suit, Rachel explains that there will not be a rose ceremony this week. Instead, she’s going to hand out four roses to four different men during four different dates. Three one-on-one dates and one three-man group date.

Interesting. Are we to believe that Mike Fleiss heard our complaints about not having a rose ceremony, so he ditched them entirely to show us who’s boss? Did Our Host Chris Harrison suffer from pneumonia or a bad hair day and have to cancel his leg of the trip, therefore leaving us void of anyone to tell the gentlemen “this is the final rose?” Perhaps Rachel ran out of rose ceremony dresses?

I would bet the far more likely scenario is that our girl Rachel knew exactly who she wanted to send back to the United States, and home girl is T-I-R-E-D.

Rachel escorts Bryan to a Bentley parked out front with a sweet GoPro attached to the back. He claims he is blessed even before they arrive at the watch shop. Bryan shops for the perfect Breitling, choosing a certain one because he “likes black.” This makes Rachel giggle. Then she offers to gift him with said watch because he was in the right place at the right time, I assume for the right reasons.

He all but dry humps her right there in the Breitling watch shop in front of the Breitling salesman. THEY WERE HORIZONTAL ON A VELVET BENCH. Rachel does not seem to mind that ABC is shooting a convincing scene for a naughty Breitling advertisement and instead praises Bryan for being sexy and confident. Then she buys herself a female version of Bryan’s watch so they can match. And by “buy” I mean ABC traded the cost of a whimsical rose ceremony location so Rachel’s wrist could be blinged out as much as her fingers.

Meanwhile, Matt and Adam Jr’s Dad sit at a tiny ice cream table on the balcony of their suite so they can discuss how everyone else has had a one-on-one, except them. Adam Jr’s Dad is not happy because he sees them together. I presume these visions are in his dreams. Back inside, Peter and Dean discuss how Bryan has “spent the last 18 years sweet-talking women.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bryan is a player? No way. (I typed that sentence using a sarcastic font.)

Later that night, Rachel takes Bryan to an opera house where they dine on food they never eat and talk about how cool they both are. He tells her that his mom put him in an all-boys private school because he wanted an earring. (Ten bucks says Bryan was a fan of Nick Carter.) She tells him that she was in a private school too. Bryan wants to know if she has a picture of herself in uniform. Although this question gives me severe acid reflux, Rachel busts out this little ditty and instructs Bryan to use his imagination:

Since Rachel and Bryan make out all the time, she attempts to have an adult conversation with the man who may be proposing to her in a couple of weeks. He admits that he had a serious girlfriend once upon a time, that he invited her to a wedding in Colombia, and they broke up shortly after. Also, his mom didn’t like her. The moral of the story is that he’s been down this road where there’s a hot and heavy relationship without much of a timeline, but he totally thinks his current circumstances will turn out waaaaayyyyy better than last time.

She feels the same and gives Bryan the rose. Then they kiss to wedding music while a candlestick that looks exactly like Lumiere glows in the background.

The next day, Rachel dons the cutest ice blue coat that I would scour the internet for if I lived in a climate that wasn’t like the surface of the sun. She asked Dean to join her in his Sunday best for the second one-on-one. Dean shows up in pants that are a little too short, complete with white socks so he doesn’t suffer from cold ankles. They attend Catholic mass in French with a bunch of extras ABC hired who were visiting the nearby L’horloge fleurie. (I Googled that.)

Dean continues to phone in a wacky performance, making Rachel laugh with spontaneous dancing in the street and silly questions. It’s clear he’s deflecting. On the outside, one may assume that Dean isn’t into Rachel. Their date feels like it was inspired by Will, with lots of scenic outlooks deafened by complete silence.

Rachel expects Dean to engage at lunch and is shocked by his insistent “Do you believe in the tooth fairy?” and “What’s your favorite dinosaur?” questioning.

Yes and T-Rex.

At dinner, Rachel puts down her fondue fork and demands that Dean admit that the day was weird and that he’s holding something back. Dean gives in and confesses that he feels weird because all the other guys are excited for Rachel to meet their families, but he’s not in that same camp. His mom died and his dad is…eccentric. It’s not going to be a fun experience, and he doesn’t want to be judged by his family’s actions.

Dean: “I wish you could see my family from 2000-2015, not the one who abandoned me in the most important parts of my life.”

Tears.

Rachel explains to Dean that he is not there by accident. She wants to meet his family and the people who have made him the person he is today. She proves that by giving him a rose. Then he kisses her, he kisses her good, as they stand by a fountain that suggests certain innuendos to come.

Peter scores the third one-on-one date and celebrates by catching Rachel in a signature Jump & Straddle™. They take a helicopter to the top of the Alps so they can ride in a sled pulled by a bunch of snow dogs down to the bottom. Rachel and Peter assume a certified lamaze position (see photo above), bundle up, and mush down the mountain.

Why ABC chose to stop midway and force Peter and Rachel to have a picnic in the middle of the tundra is beyond me. There was literal frost collecting on Peter’s hair that was not a part of his attractive salt-and-pepper coif. Rachel’s teeth chatter and her body shakes. I’m not sure why Peter didn’t do the gentlemanly thing and demand that the ABC Intern fetch him a tauntaun so he could cut it open and stuff Rachel inside to keep her from freezing to death. To amend the immortal words of Elsa, “The cold bothers the rest of us.”

In the end, they kept warm the old fashioned way — body heat.

At dinner, Peter tells Rachel about his family and how they will love her. Then he tells a story about a girl he left behind in a driveway because they were drifting apart. He was very emotional about hurting her. I think it was a subliminal call back to this mystery woman, just in case things with Rachel don’t work out. Time will tell.

Rachel takes the news in a different direction. For the first time this season, she realizes that the person she chooses to share her life with may not choose her back. Could this be Peter? She really likes him! She gives him the rose to prove it, hoping that it will be enough. He technically doesn’t respond with an “I love you,” but he admits he’s on that path and he wants to go deeper tonight. (Insert innuendo here.)

The next day, Rachel meets the three remaining dudes who will have to duke it out in a Swiss thunder dome to be the last man standing with a rose. Rachel chooses a slouchy beanie hat, large fluffy coat, and her favorite belly shirt as the perfect attire for the selection. I half expected Chile and T-Boz to pop out as the special musical group. They did not.

Rachel pops a bottle of champagne. Everyone needs the liquid courage. She reminds the boys that only one will get a rose. It’s strange and weird, but it’s reality. Adam Jr’s Dad takes this time to give an uplifting speech about how the word “difficult” is bad and should be replaced by the word “challenging.” We are all confused and take a sip.

Eric is first up with some alone time with Rachel. He comforts her, recognizing that this entire process is hard. He also reminds her that it is worth it.

Matt also comforts Rachel because she is a weeping hot mess by the time he gets to her. I saw all the signals, but sweet Matty did not. When she begins complimenting him left and right, praising him for being just like her, I realize the seconds on his knock off Breitling are numbered. Rachel wants him to be happy, is proud of him for being so patient, and then sends him home through sobbing tears.

I worry for Matty, as well as Rachel’s falsies. Both are overtired. Matty makes two bold moves in his final moments on the show. He passionately kisses Rachel and doesn’t hesitate taking his champagne flute with him straight into the back seat of the rejection limo.

Suddenly, we are all staring a dreaded two-on-one in the face.

Adam Jr’s Dad thinks he’s a shoe in for some reason. He even tells Rachel that a part of him is falling in love with her. When Rachel asks, “Which part?” I knew Adam Jr’s Dad’s fate. Pack up all of your props, Adam Jr., and fold yourself into the suitcase, because dad’s going home.

AJD: I am really excited for you to get to know my family. You will love my family! You will love their personalities! You will…
Lincee: Never meet them.

Rachel moves on to speak to Eric before making her final decision. Eric confesses that his hometown visit isn’t going to be all butterflies and rainbows either. He had a tough childhood. But he’s ready and willing to go the extra mile for Rachel.

She doesn’t answer because she fell asleep while he was talking. He doesn’t mind because Eric is ready to catch some Z’s too. Both rest in silence until the ABC Intern tells them Adam Jr’s Dad is getting antsy, sitting all by himself in the ballroom.

Eric gets the rose and Adam Jr’s Dad gets a reality check. He looks a touch drunk in the rejection limo, but his teeth are flawless.

The show ends with a few scenes from next week’s hometown dates. Of course, it appears that all hell has broken loose. Rachel makes a face when entering Eric’s home. Peter’s mom thinks he isn’t emotionally ready for marriage. Bryan doesn’t look like he is enjoying himself at RACHEL’S HOMETOWN (thanks for that spoiler) and sweet Dean’s father is so far past eccentric, that eccentric is a dot to him.

Did that Friends reference translate?

Photo By: ABC.com

Comments

94 Comments on "Bachelorette Recap: Baby, It’s Cold Outside"

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Kelli
Kelli

My answer to your first question is A. Kevin’s answer was B. Kevin also barked at Bryan last night, so that just confirms that he is a bad dude. I literally choked when Rachel “bought” the Breitling watch. That particular model was almost 9 grand. Kevin thought it was pretentious as hell.

I just get the feeling that he’s one of the final two standing. I don’t know any spoilers for real, but it’s like the Roberto finale for me.

For Christine, who posts–Kevin nailed the final four. He’s such a smart dog. LOL! I hope that the editing is leading us astray because I am just not feeling it with any of them. I think guys are starting to try out for this show to end up the next Bachelor.

Babs
Babs

I agree about that last bit for sure! I have long suspected when ABC made pulling the Bachelor/Bachelorette from the previous season the norm that contestants started to really be there solely for the purpose of being the lead. I doubt it would crush any of these guys (Bryan more than any of the other) if they did not get picked as long as they could get the lead on the next show or at the least a spot in Paradise.

Kelli
Kelli

I hope they don’t announce the next Bachelor before the After the Rose ceremony like they did with Rachel. That basically ruined the season for me.

Christine
Christine

Kelli, I think Kevin is our IHGB mascot. Such a smart dog!

Kelli
Kelli

He would be honored, I’m sure!

Jennymoose
Jennymoose

Soon you’ll be getting your own”Kevin”, since you were so inspired by the “snow dogs” and their likeness to a German Shepherd, to join your soon to be acquired “Helen”, the feline.

jennifer
jennifer

Dean’s father is so far past eccentric, that eccentric is a dot to him.

OMG !!! I’m still laughing as I type this!!

mary
mary

Great job as always, Lincee. I am guessing (no spoiler) the final man standing will be Peter. He’s the only plausible one. Bryan, although very good looking, is a little too smarmy. I like Rachel, and hope things will work out for her. (Poor Dean. I feel like he needs some counseling. He’s a cutie, but I think his family issues are more than he can handle on his own.)

marymary
marymary

I am upset that they didn’t show more Matt time in the earlier episodes because I really liked him. When we finally got to see them together you could tell that she cared for him, so they must have had some good conversations that we never were shown. Especially when you compare him to Dean and Adam’s boyishness, Matt is a grownup.

DeeDee
DeeDee

Yeah, Matt seemed really sweet! It’s a shame they didn’t click more here in the end. I wish we could’ve seen more of him this season, too.

Mandy
Mandy

My ideal ending would be Peter as the winner and Dean as the next Bachelor (after some counseling on learning not to laugh/smile/deflect during awkward conversations, thereby making it more awkward).

I can’t believe ABC showed promos from Rachel’s hometown a few weeks from now, so now we know Bryan is in the final 2…ugh.

I got the Friends reference. 🙂

Kay B
Kay B

I can finally proceed with my Tuesday now that I’ve read your recap of last night’s episode. I don’t watch the episodes, so you become my ABC. Thank you for faithfully and hilariously posting a recap. And the Friends reference COMPLETELY translates and gives me such a good visual.

delyla
delyla

I couldn’t believe they made us sit though 2 hours of waiting for her to send Matt and Adam home. EVERYONE knew those two were not even in the running for her heart. Sigh . . .

jennifer
jennifer

Agree totally. During that date I was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher.

Amanda
Amanda

Ha, same, Jennifer.

amanda
amanda

That’s what I was doing! Interesting….

Abigail
Abigail

If only the show were as entertaining as your recaps!

As for the Dean quote, I’m pretty sure he said he wished she could see them in his developmental years of 0-15, not from 2000-2015 🙂

Lexie
Lexie

I think Lincee said 2000-2015 to remind us of how young he is – 🙂

Loved the recap Lindsay!

Mallory
Mallory

Peter is SO sexy. I don’t find Bryan attractive at all compared to him.

Loved the Friends reference!

Debra
Debra

So glad you were finally able to trademark “Jump and Straddle.” 😉

Ann
Ann

However, did anyone notice that it’s much harder to jump & straddle in jeans, down coat, and boots than it is in denim panties? It took two stages and a “boost” from him.

Laura Jean

The TM was one of the best parts!!! Quote of the week!

pickles
pickles

I may have applauded that little TM 🙂

Lisa
Lisa

My favorite part of this recap! I loved that little TM! And the “Friends” reference was icing on the cake!

Bri
Bri

First thing I noticed! Woo Hoo! (lol) 🙂
Also loved the Friends reference.

A in Spain

I spent most of the episode wondering “who are these people?!” The weeklong breaks are too much and I forget everything!

I don’t trust Bryan one bit. My vote is for Peter!

AnnieB
AnnieB

I’ve been waiting for this recap! Although I’m enjoying this season, I feel like it’s been going on forever. One thing that was annoying me last night was when one of the guys would “cheers” instead of “toast” something. Also- it would have been awesome if Adam Jr was waiting in rejection limo for his dad last night

Babs
Babs

Also- it would have been awesome if Adam Jr was waiting in rejection limo for his dad last night.

This is where a “Like” button would come in handy! That would have been great to see!

Deebee

Yeah, where was Adam Jr.? What a missed opportunity.

Christine
Christine

If Adam left Adam Jr. behind perhaps Copper can use him as a giant chew toy.

DeeDee
DeeDee

SOOOOO disappointed that there was no appearance from “Adam Jr.” last night! I was watching for him. That would’ve been so hilarious if AJ was sitting in the rejection limo . . . Darn. Haha

Rperry
Rperry

I’m worried about all of the final four. Bryce = seems sincere in short term, but I just question his long term commitment. Peter = past relationship issue continues even at this point (although that could be editing). Dean = Lacks emotional maturity for marriage. Maybe in a few years. Eric = my fav., but wow those are big education and socio-economic issues to get past in their relationship.

Erin
Erin

I don’t understand why they show us previews that obviously show who gets past the Home Town dates! They showed Peter and Eric in exotic locations marveling at their surroundings…someone even mentions being in Spain. Then they show us Bryan with Rachel’s family?!? Next week it’s clear that Dean will be going home as he doesn’t appear in any of the destination shots (because his home town is Aspen, it looks like we see them in a mountain area for next week). I had Dean as the season’s runner up and then the next Bachelor, but now I’m sure Bryan and Peter are the two finalists, Peter wins, and Dean is the next Bachelor.

Babs
Babs

If that’s the case I’m pushing for Bryan to win so I don’t have to watch a season of him. I’d much rather watch Peter!

Lisa
Lisa

Preach!

Eh?
Eh?

Amen

Elizabeth
Elizabeth

Yeah they totally spoiled that Dean is next to go.

DeeDee
DeeDee

I know, I was confused by how much info they showed us via the previews-they seem like total spoilers! Why are they doing that? I much prefer being surprised.

Chris
Chris

It’s as thought the producers are mailing it in this season. The editing is a mess. That said, I can’t wait to meet some of these family members. A parent with concerns???? I mean, really, who thinks their son isn’t ready to get married when he is on a reality dating show?

Pia
Pia

Favorite line: Rachel takes Bryan to an opera house where they dine on food they never eat and talk about how cool they both are.

Peter WAS my favorite until I saw that he puts his bare feet on the coffee table! PETER! Yuk.

Christine
Christine

My bare feet are on my coffee table right now!

mary
mary

Pia, I noticed that, too! It kind of creeped me out as well. (I still like Peter, though.)

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