Bachelorette Tayshia Recap: Once a Cheater
Bachelorette Tayshia Recap | Week 5 |
Tayshia isn’t messing around, y’all. She’s disgusted with Noah and Bennett’s childish behavior, and she isn’t afraid to send one of them home for being a complete Chach. The teenage boy drama has to stop. And if anyone even remotely considers questioning her integrity, they will find themselves on the first rejection SUV outside of the Bachelor bubble.
On the one hand, Bennett is tall, dark, psycho, and handsome. On the other hand, he has eluded on more than one occasion that she’s not capable of making decisions regarding her love life. Then, there’s Noah, who always seems to be the common denominator of strife in the house.
In the end, Tayshia sends Bennett home, and he is shocked. He’s dunzo because of his condescending nature. Bennett counters Tayshia’s reasoning, reminding her that he saw behaviors in Noah that she would never want in a husband or father. He apologizes profusely as she puts him in the getaway car that presumably drives around inside the quarantine boundaries for the next 24-hours.
Tayshia admits that sending Bennett home did not feel right. Then she tells Noah to wipe that smile off his smug little face. This is NOT a victory. No, sir. The lone rose sitting on the purple sliver of a sparkly geode will not rest on his lapel. Somehow Noah manages not to choke on the thirteen TicTacs he shoved in his mouth moments before Tayshia waltzed into the room. He nods his head and joins the others in the rose ceremony staging area.
The cocktail party must go on, and in true Tayshia form, she makes out with all the other guys to get over the emotional turmoil from earlier in the evening. JoJo teeters into the room with a champagne flute and butter knife in hand. For some reason, she neither tinks nor clinks the barware, preferring to wave them around whilst prompting Tayshia to wrap it up for the rose ceremony. When is Harrison coming back again?
Along with Zac and Ben, Tayshia hands roses to Brendan, Riley, Blake, Ivan, and Noah. Spencer, Ed, and Demar are left budless.
THE NEXT DAY
JoJo lets everyone know that the next rose ceremony is super duper im-pore-ant. Those who receive roses will be guaranteed a hometown Zoom date. Then she drops the date card, and we watch Zac break down over the fact that his family will finally see him happy.
Someone is overtired. And in love.
“Falling in Love is Full of Surprises”
JoJo arrives on a scooter, nearly slamming into Tayshia and Ben, who wait patiently as she dismounts, flips her hair from its protective helmet, and then tells them that they will be going on a scavenger hunt. The pair must work together to solve clues and riddles that will eventually lead to an amazing oasis.
Tayshia reads the first clue. It has something to do with “score” and “love.” Ben all but rolls his eyes and declares that they must go to the tennis courts. Of course, fifteen of them are at the La Quinta Spa and Resort, but that’s neither here nor there. He easily scoots off in the direction of the nearest one and finds a hundred tennis balls in a kiddie pool. Tayshia starts digging around, laughing as the balls roll back into pace. Ben takes the pool and turns it upside down, easily locating the clue.
Why this annoys me is a mystery.
Then they scoot off to a fountain in the middle of the driveway. An empty water bottle holds a clue in the ankle-deep water. Ben removes his pants, “wades in,” and retrieves the vessel. Pantsless.
Why this annoys me is a mystery.
The clue leads them to a pergola with twenty piñatas hanging over a colorful stick. The ABC Intern must have cleared out the La Quinta Spa and Resort gift shop with this fun display of whimsy. Tayshia and Ben whack all the piñatas and discover the final clue in the very last cactus made from florescent green crepe paper.
According to JoJo, the scavenger hunt clues lead to an amazing oasis. Upon arrival, I wonder if JoJo understands the meaning of “oasis.” Ben and Tayshia appear to be sitting on the traveling bench in front of some banana trees. Not to mention the fact that Ben is sweating bullets in the hot desert sun. My idea of an oasis consists of central air conditioning and perhaps a tall glass of cold water with raspberries in the ice cubes.
At dinner that night, Tayshia encourages Ben to open up. She knows there’s more to him behind that perfect wall. She pressures him not to hold back, and after four or five bits of encouragement, Ben lets it all out.
We learn that Ben had bulimia most of his young adulthood and attempted suicide twice. He admits that the only thing that got him through the dark times was his sister. Ben has been through intentional and aggressive therapy, and his happy to report that he is okay now. It was a heavy conversation, and he handled it beautifully.
Tayshia smiles and lays her hand on his. She sees him. She hears him. Trust and vulnerability are very important to her, clearly, since she all but pushed him to share his deepest darkest secrets. And instead of making him journal his feelings and toss the papers into a bonfire, she rewards his willingness to expose his innermost secrets with a rose and a private concert by Adam Hambrick.
Who is that?
I’m glad you asked. At first glance, I was sure Adam was a La Quinta Resort and Spa busboy with a stellar voice and ability to strum a guitar. Upon further inspection, I can report that Adam Hambrick is an actual singer/songwriter who, according to Instagram, has an adorable little family and quite a career in Nashville.
Welcome to the bubble, Adam!
Zac, Brendan, Ivan, Noah, and Riley
“The Truth is That I’m Falling in Love”
Tayshia greets the guys wearing her favorite peach statement bra under a white tank top, and gold sequined miniskirt, which everyone knows is the perfect outfit for taking a lie detector test.
Since honesty is the most im-pore-ant thing in a relationship, JoJo has set up an official-looking test, complete with a heart monitor and three colorful light bulbs that will publicly express a person’s true motivation.
Green signifies that the person is telling the truth. Red means that you are lying. And orange denotes an inconclusive response. With all the guys wired up and ready to go, I feel that this is the best thing ever for many people to do on a reality dating show. Let the games begin!
We learn all sorts of im-pore-ant anecdotes about Tayshia’s suitors that will inevitably lead to a more mature, satisfying marriage. For example, Ivan has been aroused by Tayshia. Good to know. Noah is sure no woman has ever faked an orgasm. He’s wrong, by the way, which is super helpful for future endeavors.
Then it’s Zac’s turn, and we learn that he cheated once upon a time. That green light lit up faster than Ivan’s arousal. (Was that tacky? Sorry, Mama.) Tayshia was not a happy camper, because she believes the age-old adage, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” It is non-negotiable in her opinion, and she is highly disappointed in Zac’s infidelity.
Zac asks to defends himself and is given permission. He weaves a tale full of vivid descriptions about a guy who went behind his girlfriend’s back to french kiss another girl at the Bowl-a-Rama. In sixth grade.
Tayshia playfully swats Zac’s shoulder, grateful that his cheating scandal included braces and a date where his mom had to drop him off at the local middle school hangout spot. Zac promises he has not cheated since 1995 and never plans on doing it again. They get hot and heavy on a bench. This is when I notice that Tayshia’s outfit is a literal short white romper with a legitimate detachable lacy train. It’s a mullet wedding dress if you will.
Next up is Riley, who inconclusively failed his lie detector test with the softball baseline question of, “What’s your name?” It turns out, due to family drama between his mom and dad, Riley decided to legally change his name and start fresh. Although it was a dramatic conversation that resulted in Riley choking up, it is the reason for his illuminated orange bulb, mocking him for not knowing his own name.
In conclusion, the lie detector test results we thought were going to be problematic turned out fine. Besides learning about Ivan’s physiological excitation and Noah’s sexual prowess, it was a bit of a bust. In fact, Tayshia cherished and appreciated all of the meaningful conversations that resulted in the lie detector test, that she decides to keep the date rose to herself. All the guys deserve to meet her family, so she decides to hold onto the bud until the rose ceremony.
No one likes this idea, yet no one wants to accidentally question her integrity. So they thank her for being bold and respect her decision. They all have her back. No worries.
Tayshia whips her train around and hauls it over to the Presidente Suite. She opens her courthouse door and is shocked to find Bennett creeping in the hot pink bougainvilleas. He seductively whispers, “Hello Tayshia,” as the door slams against Tayshia’s butt, catapulting her forward.
Bennett talks himself into Tayshia’s room. He apologizes over and over again, offering that their good-bye was bizarre and surreal. Then he tells her that he is in love with her.
Tayshia is speechless. . I am not. I scream at the television. TIME TO GO, PSY-CHO.
He feeds her some BS about how every ounce of his heart belongs to Tayshia and that he’s not expecting anything from her. But if there’s even an ounce of her being that wants him to stay, he hopes she listens to that incredible intuition.
Then Tayshia tells him that she wasn’t planning on saying good-bye that night. (Blake certainly dodged a bullet, am I right?) She claims that she’s confused and asks him to give her time to think. He agrees and tries to kiss her. She denies his advances, and for a brief second, I see the old Tayshia.
Of course, Bennett stays. Of course, there is drama. Isn’t that always the way with the season Chach?
What do you think? Who are the final four? Will Bennett make it through to the next round? Also, make sure to set your DVRs for Monday and Tuesday. We have double doozie back-to-back episodes next week!