Bachelor in Paradise Recap: Bachelor Derek?
It all makes sense now. Bachelor in Paradise is just a front for a reality show spinoff about show producers slowly introducing everyone’s ex or former flame into the mix. And since everyone at Stagecoach has conveniently landed on the beach, they switched to Demi’s love life.
It’s Paradise, people. Anything can happen.
Girl Kristian (Not the Soccer Player)
When we last left the show, Demi had requested the a private audience with Our Host Chris Harrison. After telling him her woes (Derek vs. the girl back home), Harrison makes it his mission in life to secure Demi’s happiness in any way possible. Who cares about these other yahoos? Demi deserves love.
So the producers fly in Girl Kristian, not to be confused with the guy Jordan body slammed yesterday. She looked super uncomfortable and extremely weirded out by the pomp and circumstance of it all. Demi was excited to see her and immediately ends it with Derek. She delicately breaks his heart and he takes it like a champ.
Here’s the uncool part: Demi decides that she’s going to stay and live it up in Paradise with Kristian, right there in front of Derek. Everyone seems completely okay with this decision and even congratulates Demi for finding love. No one swoops in on Derek or even helps him wallow in his sadness.
I’m wondering how rose ceremonies are going to be held now. Our Host said that he was going to change the rules. Does this mean anyone can bestow a rose to anyone else? Meaning Demi may give a rose to Kristian, but then Blake can “save” Big Mike one week to keep his friend in Paradise?
And what will happen to Derek? Since he handled his breakup gracefully, and he just so happens to look like Jim Halpert, could his hat be thrown in the ring as consideration for the next bachelor?
Some people thinks so.
Don’t Tell Her To Chill
In case you were wondering, Kristina is Queen B and she owns it. Especially when the new girl, Caitlyn questions her reasoning behind giving Blake a rose. Caitlyn wants to know if this is an act of peeing all over him in a possessive way or if she just wants another week in Paradise?
IT’S A FRIENDSHIP ROSE, CAITLYN. YOU MUST CHILL.
Free To Explore
Katie makes a rookie mistake by telling Chris that he is free to explore other options in Paradise. Chris asks her two different ways if she’s sure and she answers in the affirmative. Then she cries to twelve different people when he accepts a date from new girl Jen.
Who is Jen? She’s from Ben’s season and was once connected to Nick Viall.
Oh, and she also met Blake at Stagecoach.
I understand that it’s hard to keep up with all the Stagecoach-ness of Paradise. I’ve taken the liberty of designing a chart for your convenience. I’m sure we will add to it in weeks to come, but as of this moment, here are the ladies Blake conquered at country Coachella.
Unfortunately, Chris and Jen have the worst time on their catamaran boat ride around the high seas. He spends most of the jaunt puking over the side. Thankfully, they make up for lost time by making out in the hot tub later. Here’s hoping he brushed his teeth.
After the romp in the jacuzzi, Chris makes Katie feel all the guilt. She can’t be mad since she gave him a hall pass to have a fun date with another woman. So Chris dangles the “I wish you would have asked me not to go” card for way too long. Who knows which woman he likes, but if I had to guess, I’d put my money on Katie.
Sing Sweet Nightingale
Havana Nicole is excited to perform and original piece for Clay. He’s always bugged her to sing for him and tonight’s the night. She pulls out a sheet from the ABC Intern’s legal pad and quickly writes lyrics that convey her true feelings for the man who runs shirtless up and down the beach all day long.
Normally I would link to a clip right now, but I’m not going to do that today. Trust me when I say it’s for the best.
Exhibit A: Clay grabs Havana Nicole and lays a major lip lock on the songstress just to get her to cease and desist from the “singing.”
She’s no Jenny from the block.