Bachelor in Paradise Recap: You Guessed It

Y’all, we made it. Some of the couples may have not survived Paradise, but we can bask in the glory that we trudged through another season of tears and debauchery and made it out relatively unscathed on the other side of the beach. 

What is our reward? Why, it’s the promise of a new dawn, a new day, and a new life in the form of…

Peter the Pilot. 

His chipmunk cheeks aren’t as chunky (thanks to a producer-driven CrossFit regimen and low-carb diet) but his “aww shucks” attitude is alive and well. I look forward to twenty-five crazy women and five normal ones who will vie for the heart of this dreamboat.

“I’m exhausted.”

Katie needs clarity and she thinks she gets it in the fantasy suite when Chris sort of tells her she’s important to him. He goes a step further on the proposal pedestal and before we know it, he’s down on one knee asking if she will be his bride.

This should make us all happy, right? Chris has finally matured enough not to self-sabotage himself out of a relationship! 

Hold that thought. Here comes Katie to sit in the hot seat by herself and she is here to tell Our Host Chris Harrison and everyone in the peanut gallery that she…is…exhausted.

She gives and gives and gives and doesn’t get anything in return from Chris. BUT SHE LOVES HIM. Katie is really good at expressing her feelings. Chris is not. BUT SHE LOVES HIM. Even though she’s no longer wearing her engagement ring, SHE LOVES HIM. 

When Our Host invites Chris out to the stage, he puts on a good face and kinda, sorta, definitely, maybe says that he might like Katie. He gives her her ring back and they kiss. All is well until we find them behind-the-scenes in the alley way behind the warehouse where the after party is filmed. 

Chris is mad. He did not see this coming. He has been blindsided by her exhaustion and is irritated that Katie aired all their dirty laundry. He’s tired of hearing the same thing over and over. 

So…you weren’t blindsided?

Chris leaves the set and hitches a ride with a stranger while Katie says, “I knew this would happen.” 

That’s the last we heard of them.

“Do you love me?”

Nicole is super excited to get married to Clay. Clay is super anxious to tap the breaks because NicLo is high maintenance with a capital HM. Guess what? He’s not Hundo P in their relationship and he needs time to think. 

Nicole refrains from telling the ABC Intern to “hold my hoops” and demands that Clay go think in his own regular room while she watches fireworks from the fantasy suite. 

For some reason, they both show up to the proposal pedestal. NicLo recites a long, memorized monolog and ends with a very big question: “Do you love me?”

Crickets have never been more present than in the pregnant pause that followed this inquiry. Clay isn’t ready to drop the L-bomb, but he is willing to take things slow. This annoys Nicole, who claims she deserves love as deep as the ocean and if he’s not ready to get down on one knee this second, she is out. 

Cue Nicole leaving Clay at the alter and we never hear from them again. 

“I’ve never fought for something I’ve wanted so badly.”

Hannah cuts her dress from the same bolt of fabric Katie used. Then she tells Dylan at the proposal pedestal that she wants her family’s blessing before they get married. I interpreted that as “don’t propose.” Dylan did not.

He promises to leave Paradise and go straight to meet her family. Then he gets down on one knee and proposes with a ring that was way too big for Hannah’s tiny little skinny finger. 

Love is alive, y’all. This just may work.

“I found myself in you.”

Kristian helped Demi break down a lot of walls and even though she worries about not being enough, she knows that Kristian is her person. She gets down on one knee and proposes with a fat diamond from Uncle Neil.

Is this fair? Never fear. Uncle Neil gave Kristian a ring to give to Demi, too, so she gets down on one knee at the after party and proposes. Also, Demi thinks Derek is a mighty good man. 

“I didn’t do anything malicious.”

Ahh, the intricate web that is Blake and his posse of Stagecoach women. Let’s see if I can unpack this delicate dance of he said/she said.

  • Kristina admits that she is friends with benefits with Blake.
  • They hook up at Stagecoach. 
  • She finds out a month later that he was with Caelyn, also at Stagecoach.
  • Blake was “surprised by Kristina’s anger” when she attacks him on their date in Paradise.
  • The verdict? Kristina was mad that Blake didn’t tell her about Caelyn right away.
  • His defense? He doesn’t want to talk about everyone’s sex lives on TV.
  • Then there’s this trip to Birmingham where Blake JUST TALKS to Hannah G.
  • Lincee’s not buy that story, but whatever.
  • He knew that Hannah would hear all about Stagecoach while in Paradise, so he wanted to preempt her concluding that he is a royal chach.
  • Caelyn admits that she did like Blake (before Dean and before Tall Conner.)
  • At no point did they say they were exclusive, but they did discuss that what they did was “no big deal.” 
  • Caelyn also admits that her behavior on the beach was emotionally driven and she has taken ownership and apologized for her behavior. 
  • Blake thinks that everything was fine going into Paradise with all parties.
  • He is confused when Caelyn tells everyone that Blake ghosted her after sex. 
  • This is why he leaked the text messages, even though Caelyn said not to…to show his character.
  • The texts prove that Caelyn came onto Blake and that she also was cool with “everything being fine.”
  • Caelyn calls BS. The texts “exposed and violated my entire life.”
  • Even though Blake feels bad that she was “slut shamed,” he stands by the fact that he did this to show ALL OF BACHELOR NATION that he isn’t a douche canoe. 
  • The entire cast encourages him to “end on a good note” by apologizing to Caelyn on national television. 
  • He apologizes for “getting my truth out” and is also sorry that she got attacked. 
  • PS: That’s not taking ownership.

“It’s a boy!”

All the success stories come out to show that Paradise works and babies are fun. Jade shares her experience birthing her son in the closet. The Goose looks weird without facial hair. And Wells pops out of a cake in a blue onesie, revealing that the gender of Carly and Evan’s baby is indeed a boy. 

“I decided I wanted to go after him.”

Tayshia tells Chris Harrison that she made a mistake breaking up with John Paul Jones. So she calls up the producers, hops a plane with a camera man, and “surprises” JPJ at his home in Maryland. He’s very excited for her to be his girlfriend.

There’s a moment on the hot seat when JPJ gets down on one knee, but it’s not to propose. He’s simply reciting Shakespeare, brah. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing!”

Peter is back and he’s ready to find love. That’s probably happening now and oddly enough, the cast has been revealed! I’m deep diving people. Let’s find Peter a co-pilot in life!

Photo By: abc.com

42
Comments

avatar
19 Comment threads
23 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
31 Comment authors
AubreyLaraRebeccaMegbeauJudy Recent comment authors
newest oldest
Rosa
Rosa

I think SO MUCH DRAMA could have been avoided had Blake acknowledged Caelynne the minute she walked on to the beach. “Hey Caelynne what’s up?” would have sufficed I think. I *think* him acting like he had never met her before (the way they showed it) is what set her off and it was all downhill from there. Just my opinion!! Blake’s facial expressions last night were priceless! You could tell he was on pins and needles as to what was going to be said. I also think he ended Paradise on a higher note, but last night wasn’t so good for him. Clay and Nicole…. why did we get no update from them last night? Both were MIA. I assume they are apart but I would have thought she would have been there at least. Goose – he looked odd last night! Was it the lack of facial hair? Did he lose some weight? I hardly recognized him. I loved Wells popping out of the cake! I was a little shocked that Katie came out on stage and spilled all the tea on Chris and I can kinda understand his reaction at the end, but that relationship was not going to last. She deserves better! Pete the Pilot…. Meh….. I’m hoping his season is better than I’m anticipating! He is SO YOUNG!!!

Lastly, Jordan needs to retire.

Shannon
Shannon

I saw on Eonline that Nicole and Clay were there and filmed a segment on the couch – it just got cut. Clay said on Twitter what he talked about…pretty much just a recap of what was said on the beach and even wished her well in her new relationship. So evidently she has moved on.

Libby
Libby

Disagree, Jordan is among the best things to come out of this franchise.

NewMama
NewMama

This may be an unpopular opinion, but… I feel bad for Blake (while simultaneously recognizing he is a chach who slept with too many women in too short a time). We all saw that Caelynn was a big fat liar about things he supposedly said and did, and she made him out to look even worse than he was on TV (and kinda ruined his time there). But everybody last night was just dumping on him. Frankly, I expected Jordan (the unexpected voice of reason) to stand up for him. I guess the fact that he didn’t makes me wonder.

Additionally, Katie?!? What? The? Why, oh why, did you go on national TV to lambast your fiance behind his back, in front of the whole world? And then act surprised when he was upset about it? Low class, in my opinion, and I’m actually a Katie fan.

Cathy
Cathy

I agree with you NewMama about Blake…. Do not like him one bit but felt like no one even acknowledged how Caelynn lied! And her tears last night about being slut shamed, give me a break!

Allia
Allia

I kind of felt bad for Blake too… I think he bit off way more than he could chew, and then kept digging himself a deeper hole. I never liked Caelynn. That said, I actually think Dean might be a good match for her… he and his van might inadvertently knock the brattiness out of her.
I was sad for Katie. Sounds like she’s having a really hard time in this relationship, and should probably move on. The public airing of the laundry seemed like a cry for help to me, but it doesn’t seem like there is anything to be done there.

LORRAINE
LORRAINE

Well Boo.. This is just a regular ole recap! Where’s the humor or snarkiness? I wasted three hours of my life to log on today for just a regular ole recap! Disappointing!!!

Jolene
Jolene

Lincee could write in iambic pentameter and I would read it. Write the recaps however you want, Lincee. We are here for it!

Emily
Emily

Don’t worry, I’m sure Lincee and Some Guy will give us all of their fabulous and fun opinions during their podcast!

Canadiana
Canadiana

Three hours? Wow. Is your computer slow? Do you need to upgrade? Or maybe you had to overcome many obstacles (swim across a river, climb a high hill, skip double-dutch for 50 beats) to get to your computer.

Canadiana
Canadiana

Of course, I clued into your three hour remark immediately after I responded.

To withstand three hours of batchelor-related TV to more fully enjoy Lincee’s recaps, you must truly be a devotee of the Lincee recap. I bow to your dedication.

Libby
Libby

Lincee has made it more than clear that she has a lot on her plate right now, hence why there was one recap last week and the week before for two episodes, and the shorter length of the recaps and less detail has been evidence of that too. While I do hope Lincee is less stressed out come next bachelor season, we are in no way entitled to more of her time than she is able to give. Give her a break and also upgrade your internet connection.

Vicki
Vicki

Katie, Katie, Katie. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! You are worth so much more! She’s trying to rescue someone who obviously doesn’t want to be rescued. I thought the interaction on stage was awkward and icky until I saw the filming in the back lot. Then I was downright disturbed and wanted to turn away but couldn’t. As for Chris, did he think he was coming to a picnic? Has he seen this show? What did he THINK was going to happen when he was in the “hot seat?” I truly hope he is finished with his appearances on this show after what? Seven times? Hellooooooo! The common denominator is YOU, Chris!

JPJ is a hoot. I hope it works out for them. My house should look like that if I had a “surprise” visitor with a film crew. I wasn’t quite buying it either.

Dylan and Hannah, we’ll see. I would find him suffocating, but that’s me.

Demi and Kristian seem like a great match. I like them both. I have to wonder what ABC would have done if it had been guys instead of girls. Somehow, I don’t think it would have played the same.

Lincee, thanks for doing these recaps. I don’t comment very often, but I start looking for them the day after the shows air, every time. You are awesome!

FaninAZ
FaninAZ

Yep — Katie needs to RUN for the hills! RUN KATIE! You’ll find someone awesome who loves you back. Just RUN.

Karen
Karen

I sincerely doubt JPJ lives in that home. Pretty sure it’s the same facility where Wedding Crashers was filmed in St. Michael’s, MD. https://innatperrycabin.com/

Cathy
Cathy

So

Barbara Dayton
Barbara Dayton

I’m mostly dying to know if you’re going to recap DWTS….?

Sara
Sara

ME TOO!!!!

Cathy
Cathy

Ok so here’s my take on the whole Katie/Chris thing. I think that the scene in the backlot was actually shot during the commercial break after Katie aired all her grievances, but before Chris came out and eventually puts the ring back on her. You can clearly see in that backlot scene that she does not have a ring on her finger! It honestly doesn’t really matter to me, but it just wouldn’t be the first time (or last) that things are shown out of order to create more drama. Did anyone else notice or think this as well?

Karen
Karen

That’s a great point. Also, I think that the cast probably feels some pressure to escalate their relationships in mock-speed. Katie may feel exhausted in trying to rush a level of intimacy in a relationship that normally would not be there after just a few months. That being said, Chris probably should have waited to propose.

AmyJ
AmyJ

When I saw no ring, I kinda figured that scene was scripted and shot before even Katie got on stage. They appeared to be “acting” to me. I hope we’ve finally seen the last of Chris.

Megbeau
Megbeau

Did you also notice the scene on the beach ‘after he proposed’ and she was hugging him that she didn’t have the ring on THEN either?! Come on producers…continuity is lacking…

Jill
Jill

Blake is narcissistic. He needs an intervention.

Ellen
Ellen

Favorite line – and! Did you notice the close ups of Demi’s reactions during Katie’s time in the hot seat? It was so painful & emotional!

“ Is this fair? Never fear. Uncle Neil gave Kristian a ring to give to Demi, too, so she gets down on one knee at the after party and proposes. Also, Demi thinks Derek is a mighty good man. ”

Anita
Anita

Okay, I’ll say it. I DID NOT LIKE THIS SEASON. AT. ALL. NOT ONE PART OF IT (well, Welles…). This season was a sewer. And frankly, I never want to see or hear from anybody on that island (well, WELLES) ever again. I think I made it an hour in(?) on the Last Day(s) and had to quit. “I’ll read the recaps and watch my YouTubers. I cannot…”

Blake slut-shaming Caelynn and saying “I’m sorry I HAD to slut-shame you” was not cool. Chris…not cool. Can we find some NEWBIES PLEASE?

This season almost makes me want to drop BIP from my watch list it was so scummy.

FaninAZ
FaninAZ

I think Blake was “lie-shaming” Caelynn, and knowingly opened her up to slut shamers. I think it was a bad decision on his part for sure, but her lying on TV about someone to assassinate their character is also a pretty horrible thing to do.

Rebecca
Rebecca

i completely agree ,FaninAZ!

Karen
Karen

I agree Anita. This season was horrible…..and please ABC, don’t bring back any of this cast to future shows.

Anita
Anita

Oh, and there is a deleted scene of Clay and Nicole on the BIP Twitter feed.

FaninAZ
FaninAZ

What does JPJ do for work? He is either a trust fund baby, or lives with his parents. That house was HUGE and clearly decorated by a woman… not a 20-something brah.

FaninAZ
FaninAZ

Oh! And how crazy is it that JPJ’s from Maryland, and not Caaaaaaliforrrrnya? And that Connor is from Michigan. WHAT??? How do you talk like that if you’re from Maryland and Michigan? I don’t get it.

Megbeau
Megbeau

Definitely not his house! #staged LOL

Anita
Anita

#airbnb They never ever use their real houses on this show. Not. EVER. When Arie went to get what’s her name, that wasn’t her house either, it was an Airbnb.

Aimeel
Aimeel

There’s a video on YouTube today from the Today Show recap of BIP. Chris and Katie are doing good, they just had to learn their “love language,” which it sounds like is something maybe written about since others on the show knew about it too. They seem more in sync now. I really like them together and hope they can find consistent happiness.

Didi
Didi

Love languages is a book. It really is good and helpful in any relationship!

Tkoslin
Tkoslin

Did anyone notice Hannah G’s ring looked suspiciously identical to the one Hannah B got from Jed? It’s all a big circle!!!

Lisa
Lisa

Is it just me or do Haley and Kristina look like twins?

Teri
Teri

It’s because they’re both mean girls.