Carlos Bocanegra is the official unofficial World Cup Hunk!  I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to tell him the good news in person.  As luck would have it, he celebrated by taking off his shirt.  Just like they do at the World Cup!  When I told him it was for iHateGreenBeans, he laughed and sent me on my merry way.  But not before I snapped this picture.

You’re welcome.

We’re going to put it to a vote people. Feel free to present your evidence in the comment section. We’ll crown the winner on Monday.

Behold. I give you the candidates:

Carlos Bocanegra–USA

Yoann Gourcuff–France

Rafael Van Der Vaart–Netherlands

Lucas Neill–Australia

Iker Casillas–Spain

And don’t let the video of Iker and his sportscaster girlfriend Sara, in a moment of passionate joy after his country’s win, persuade your vote in any way.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Fernando Llorente:  forward

Victor Valdes:  goalkeeper

Xabi Alonso:  midfielder

So.

After their glorious win over Germany today, I’m considering a move to Spain.  Who’s with me?  Not convinced yet?

Let me remind you of an earlier World Cup Hunk:

Iker Casillas:  my imaginary boyfriend

It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it.

And I nominate Rafael Van Der Vaart of the Netherlands!

Bless

America

Congratulations to US defenders Carlos Bocanegra, Oguchi Onyewu and midfielder/hero Landon Donovan for their last minute win over Algeria.

You are all hunks to me!

But one more Boca for the road…

Because I’m convinced that if Yoann and I ever crossed paths, I’m pretty sure we would totally date.  I’ve suffered many hours of Google image research on this French midfielder and have come up with the following conclusions:

Yoann is a fun-loving guy.  I’m a fun-loving gal.  He has a killer smile.  I melt at killer smiles.  See?  Already this is a no brainer.

He works hard.  And he plays hard.  I have to admire a guy who can do both at the same time.

He’s affectionate.  I can envision myself in Chamakh 29′s place and let me tell you…it feels nice.  Even with home slice on the right included in the embrace.

But this is the one that nails it.  Clearly, my boy Yoann is a fan of Newsies.

And that just makes him precious to me.

I’m off to translate “seize the day” in French.  Here’s hoping it comes in handy one day!

He’s pensive.

He’s playful.

He rocks a suit and facial scruff while bouncing a soccer ball.

And he’s a passionate keeper of goals.

Here’s hoping we can add: “He takes his shirt off in celebration of Spain’s win over Switzerland” after Wednesday’s match.

Except when you live in the country, you might find other things.

You see at my parents’ house, the ice cold drinks are nestled up against Styrofoam containers of bait.  That’s right people.  Worms are living next to the Diet Pepsi and whatever mystery is hiding in the orange Tupperware container from 1975.

Which reminds me…does anyone from the south drink Diet Pepsi?  No.  But my Mama does.  We don’t know why.  If she could buy Tab in bulk, I’m sure she would.  And I can guarantee she wishes the Diet 7Up was Fresca.

And why is the lemon icebox pie BEHIND the worms?  Seriously?  Can’t we put it on the empty shelf below and move the SECOND crate of worms up top with the tainted caffeine?

This picture is just all sorts of wrong.  And that includes the fact that the Dr Pepper seems to be missing even though Diet Pepsi is annoyingly abundant.  Heaven forbid that I drink water at the realization.  I’m pretty sure I washed the lemon pie down with a banana daiquiri.

It’s important to stay healthy and get four to six servings of fruit daily.

But since he’s off making movies and starring in television shows now,  I think it’s okay to add a few more guys to my theater swoon list.

I saw Hair this weekend in New York City.

How have we not talked about this?

Allow me introduce you to Kyle Riabko and Ace Young.

The show was really good. Ace Young’s abs were VERY NICE. And I am too much of a lady to comment on the nudity. In fact, I almost missed the nudity because I wasn’t paying attention. And when I did realize all the nakedness, I got embarrassed and looked away. But that’s neither here nor there. We’re talking about Kyle’s voice and Ace’s abs.

Both stellar.

At the end of the show, the audience is invited up to the stage to dance with the hippies.  As I’m trying to figure out the best route to get down there in order to inspect Abe’s abs up close and personal, he was there.  In front of me.  Three rows ahead.  Hugging the entire front row of the balcony.

It was sort of like the time Jordan was two rows up in front of me at the New Kids on the Block concert (last year) and I couldn’t move because I was transfixed by the awesomeness.

So there’s Ace.  Hugging people.  And I’m standing there.  My friend Nancy Jane punches me into reality and I start making my way down to get a free hug from the hippie.  But then he ran off through a curtain and I was sad.

Fortunately, I will always have his abs burned in my memory.

Good times.

If you are living in NYC or planning to go visit the Big Apple (and optional on-stage peen doesn’t bother you) I suggest you see this show.

And make sure you sit on the front row of the mezzanine section.

For those of you who are wondering what in the world I’m talking about, let me sum up the details for you.  Rebecca calls me and we talk about Sunday night’s Amazing Race and the utterly adorable Cowboy Brothers.

REB:  “You should totally write about them on your recap this morning.  You should ask your readers if they know Cord and/or Jet.  Someone is bound to know them or someone else who knows them.  Do it!  Then you can meet him and he can start falling for you!  It’s a perfect plan!”

Being the great friend I am, I entertained Rebecca’s silly request.  I opened my recap with this cry for help:

ATTENTION OKLAHOMA READERS:

I know that some of you know or know of someone who knows Jet and Cord McCoy – the alarmingly adorable brotherly cowboy duo of The Amazing Race.  I implore you to do whatever it takes to secure me an introduction.  We all know I’m a sucker for a cowboy hat.  And belt buckles.  And starched jeans.  And darling boys in starched jeans.  Thank goodness for the Houston Rodeo.  Can I get an amen from the congregation?

Wait.  Where was I?

Oh right.  Come on Oklahoma!  Hook a sister up!

* * *

Upon posting that day, I received dozens of emails from the sweetest readers.  Some were family friends with the McCoys.  Some were friends of friends.  Apparently Mama McCoy is the resident senior class picture taker and many had connections in that department too.

Clearly, I was on cloud nine.  Then I saw Vienna and Jake and decided to take it down a cloud.

That night, I received an intriguing email:

Hey Lincee,

So, your blog post from today about the “alarmingly adorable” McCoy brothers on Amazing Race has made the rounds and made it to the right hands! We’d love to hook you up and have you meet Cord McCoy. He’s going to be at the PBR Touring Pro event at the Mesquite Rodeo on March 13th.  If you can make it up to Mesquite, we’d set you up to meet him, hang out for a while, tickets to the show… the whole shebang.

Let me know and we can figure out details.

Thanks!

Sara

PR Coordinator – Professional Bull Riders, Inc.

* * *

I think my initial reaction was, “Shuuuuuuuuut uuuuuuuuuuuup.”

I also loved that Sara used the word shebang.  She and I would be total BFFs.  I’m totally going to make that happen in Houston.  You watch.

I fumble to call Rebecca who screams about nine variations of “I told you” and “I’m so awesome.”  After telling her that she is the smartest person I know, I invite her to join me at the Mesquite Rodeo.  Sadly, she was unable to make that weekend.  So I invited another sweet friend named Ann.

Saturday morning arrives and I pick up Ann and we head up I-45.  I talk the entire time.  It’s what I do when I’m nervous.  I just can’t seem to stop.  Ann is sweet enough to let me babble and before we both know it, we are on the outskirts of Mesquite.  It’s 4:00 p.m.  We’ve been asked to arrive at the Resistol Arena (home of the Mesquite Championship Rodeo) at 6:00 p.m. We decide we should eat something.  Neither of us want to eat at a chain and after driving by Chili’s, Joe’s Crab Shack (you know I don’t eat anything crustacean) and IHOP, Ann spots a delightful establishment called Twin Peaks.

Being the children of the 80s that we are, Ann and I both immediately thought that it was interesting that a restaurant in 2010 would theme itself around the cult classic TV series of the same name.  We wondered if the creepy music would be playing while we ate our Laura Palmer burger.

As we approach the parking lot, the ever-inquisitive Ann thinks out loud:

“You don’t think this is a girly place, do you?”

The ever-silver-lining Lincee rolled her eyes at Ann and said, “Ann.  We are on a major highway with La Madeline right there.  They aren’t going to have a nudy bar open in broad daylight by the Mesquite Little League baseball field.  Calm down.”

As we pass the side of the establishment, there are “rough” looking biker characters staring at us.

Me:  “Okay.  Maybe this is a biker bar.  I can totally see Bandidos digging the Twin Peaks vibe.  Look.  There’s a lady with a baby.  A LADY WITH A BABY!”

Ann:  “Sure.  But don’t you remember that part in Sweet Home Alabama when Melanie sees her friend and says, ‘You have a baby.  In a bar.’  It could be like that.”

As we swing around to the front, we see a gaggle of little league baseball boys and their coach enter in the side door.  Phew!  We are saved!  And we are famished! We get out of the car and confidently stroll through the front door.

Where we are greeted by a girl with the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen.

Twin Peaks indeed.

We had walked straight in to the den of a knock-off Hooters.  Bambi (I kid you not) and her boobs greeted us with a charming grin full of sparkling white teeth.  We followed her two-inch-long khaki shorts (I kid you not) to our booth and sat down.

Apparently, the Twin Peaks girls are mountain women or lumberjacks who work in hot climates.  That’s why they have to wear their red and black plaid shirts tied around their boobs with no buttons and teeny shorts.  Sadly, the ground must be really cold because nearly all of them had Uggs on.

Bless both our hearts.  We couldn’t look anywhere without being bombarded by Twin Peaks.  And it was March Madness, so there were plenty of Twin Peaks to be seen.  I scanned the den (we call it that because we literally were inside a log cabin living room-like atmosphere) for the little league boys.  Sure enough, their coach had walked in the side door only to cover five little boys’ eyes and shove them right back out the way they came in.

Ann and I felt trapped.  Sure we could get up and leave too, but neither of us suggested it to the other.  I finally decided it was good for the website and decided to stay.

As I was explaining to Ann why I was staring at my plate and not looking at her directly, part of her Diet Coke spit out of her mouth and landed on my limp grilled chicken.

Me: “What?  What is it?  Are the bandidos in a fight?  Did a Twin Peak spring forth from it’s flannel home?”

Ann:  “I’m going to need you to casually turn around and look at Twin Peaks girl by the booth behind us.”

I smoothly turn my head and see that Twin Peaks is with child.

She had to be 57 months pregnant.

In her teeny lumberjack outfit.

I kid you not.

We applaud the executives of the Twin Peaks eating establishment for their undying commitment to equal opportunity.

After purchasing two Twin Peaks t-shirts, Ann and I head down I-20 to the Resistol Arena.  Upon arrival, I call our Mesquite contact Marcia to let her know that we were there.

Marcia greets us outside the arena and gives us our VIP tickets.  Already Ann and I are giggling to each other.  Seriously?  VIP?  Sweet!

We get a quick tour of the upgraded facility and ooohhh and aaahhh over the pimped out suites and intimate setting of the arena.  Marcia escorts us to the “8 Second Club” where we are treated to complimentary drinks and BBQ.  Score!

As Ann and I are talking about how cool we look and how funny that is because we aren’t really cool, when Marcia informs us that Cord is ready to be interviewed if we want to talk before the rodeo.

My throat became a little thick as Ann hops out of her seat and says YES!

Marcia takes us behind the scenes where the cowboys are checking out the bulls and visiting with family members and fellow groupies.  I spot who I think might be Cord but I can’t really tell because this cowboy is bent over stretching his hamstrings and all I can see are his Wranglers.

Oh how I love the Wranglers.

We all stand there for a millisecond as Cord continues to bounce and stretch while holding his ankles.  Then it gets weird and Marcia laughs and practically yells, “CORD!  THE GIRLS ARE HERE.”

Cord pops up with that signature grin and doesn’t seem phased.  I, on the other hand, have turned nine shades of red and have suddenly lost all ability to communicate with normal human beings.

Luckily, Ann and I had discussed my affection for turning into a complete dork when put in situations like this and she, as promised, jumped in with introductions and praise on how we love Cord and that he is adorable.

Thank goodness for Ann!

Marcia smiles sweetly and thankfully holds in a giggle because I know she was thinking, “What is up with this chick and why is she being a spaz?”

Everyone turns to me as if to say, “Well…go ahead.”  I mumble something about wanting to video him and ask Marcia if there is a less-awkward place to do this because heavenly cowboys have started to make their way over to our area and I just might have to throw up if one more looked at me funny.

Always professional and accommodating, Marcia takes us inside a little room and I talk 90-miles-per-hour explaining to Cord that I’m about to press record but not to worry because my questions are super easy.

Me:  “OK Cord.  This one is simple.  Of all the vegetables in the world, which one is the most disgusting?”

Cord:  “Spinach.”

Me:  “I see how you might say that, but truly, if you had to pick ONE, which one would it be that is the MOST disgusting.”

Cord:  “Tomatoes.  I can’t stand tomatoes.”

Me:  “Me neither!  Match made in heaven!  But seriously.  If you had to really dig deep and choose the most disgusting, which would it be?”

Cord grins his grin:  “Green beans of course.”

I collect myself and hide behind the camera, pretending to watch playback as Ann calmly acts like a normal person asking Cord about rodeo scoring.

Of course, I screw something up and erase the video.  CURSES!

Me:  “Hey Cord?  I’m a dork.  I messed it up.  Can we do that again?  You don’t have to be cute and go through the other vegetables.  Just say the green bean part.”

Cord:  “Sure!”

So we do that (so embarrassed) and then I ask another question.

Me:  “What’s your favorite website of all time that you check numerous times daily?”

Cord:  “Yours!”

Me:  “Which is?”

Cord looks over at Marcia with pleading eyes.  This cowboy is good at reading lips because he quickly answers, “iHateGreenBeans.com.”

And I DID get that on video!

At this point, I can tell his is borderline distracted because my boy is about to willingly strap himself to a 1,000 pound animal named Buck Ugly.  I’m sure the last thing he needs is me pestering him about his diet and website surfing habits.

We wish him luck and tell him we will be cheering for him in the VIP section.

Back in the 8 Seconds Club, Ann and I are calling and texting everyone we know.  All our friends think we are so cool.  And they are right.

We leave the club to go watch the rodeo and are floored that our seats are so close to the action.  Marcia really hooked us up!  It was an exciting couple of hours filled with all sorts of butt clenching moments for me.

Cord was able to ride his first bull which landed him in the semi-finals.  Unfortunately, he was bucked off and not able to collect the purse at the end.

Secretly, Ann and I don’t think this matters because we are assuming he’s a millionaire right now.  But that was not confirmed and is just a theory.

After the show, we walk by the back stage area and see Marcia’s roommate Kristin (whom we met earlier in the night) talking with some cowboys.  She is mere inches away from Cord.  She spots us and motions for the “gate keeper” scary bodyguard cowboy to let us through.

We felt like rock stars!  After two hours of rodeo bliss, my East Texas accent has returned and I yell, “Hay Co-rd.  Gray-t riiiide.  Did ya hear us cheerin’ for ya?”

Cord:  “That was you?”

Signature grin.

He comes over and visits with us for another 3o minutes.  Here’s what we learn:

- He and Jet choose the term “oh my gravy” because they don’t want to use the Lord’s name in vain.  They also say “son of a buck.”

- I asked how he knew about the show if he doesn’t have a TV.  He laughed and said he’s just never home to watch TV.  He knowingly admitted that there are TVs in hotels and friend’s houses.

- He likes bull riding because it keeps you sharp.  You can’t just half-way do your job.  You have to be fully committed each time.

- Jet is married with a little girl.  She blows kisses now and Cord thinks it’s the sweetest thing and that it melts his heart every time.

All in all, the trip was wonderful.  Even the Twin Peaks experience.  Sara at PBR and Marcia with the Mesquite Championship Rodeo were so sweet to go above and beyond to make Ann and I feel welcome.  Check out all the MCR events on their website or follow what is in store this year for the PBR on their website.

Cord is everything he is on television.  Genuinely kind, sweet and a true gentleman.  And if he wasn’t engaged to be married in November, I would be at every PBR event within a 300 miles radius wearing “I May Hate Green Beans But I Heart Cord” bedazzled t-shirt.

Thanks to everyone who helped make this dream a reality.

Now, if anyone knows Zachary Levi from the TV show Chuck…