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Archive for the ‘Bachelor Recaps’ Category

Bachelor

I’m not sure if you caught this tidbit of information from last night’s episode of The Bachelor: Ashley I-Lashes is a virgin. There were other happenings around the mansion, but the subject of virginity was 70-percent of the show. Ironically, the word “virgin” was never used in front of the bachelor until the rose ceremony. Ashley I-Lashes eluded, yet never specifically talked about her v-card before that moment. As a result, The Farmer was totally confused. Perhaps her denim panties, magic wish-granting belly charm, swallowing his face when making out, and whipping off her string bikini at the lake stumped him a bit.

By the way, she’s totally cool with being a virgin. It’s no big deal. But denying her a fairytale princess date? Watch out corn boy. She may punch you in the trachea. READ MORE

‘The Bachelor’ recap: Back in black boxes

Tuesday, January 20, 2015 @ 10:01 AM
Author: Lincee

The Bachelor Farmer

Thanks to Jimmy Kimmel, I spent most of my time watching The Bachelor equally annoyed, mortified and as confused as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. I understand that he came on board to specifically play the role of “comedian who specializes in making people uncomfortable,” but I found myself rolling my eyes more than hiding behind a couch cushion or laughing. His hosting stint majorly backfired on me and I have NO IDEA why in the world ABC would choose to get rid of Our Host Chris Harrison when he executes his duties with such aplomb each episode. That’s weak, ABC. W-E-A-K.

And instead of thinking the addition of an “amazing” tip jar was a funny idea, I kept wondering how these girls, who are stripped of all personal items once they enter the Thunderdome, have so many dollar bills lying around? Is there a pole somewhere we don’t know about? READ MORE

‘The Bachelor’ recap: You gotta rub me the right way

Tuesday, January 13, 2015 @ 10:01 AM
Author: Lincee

Bachelor Farmer Recap

Each season of The Bachelor, we sit in front of our television expecting those moments that make us either want to dive into the depths of our couch cushions or silently shake our head in imperious contempt at the state of the current gene pool in America. My point is simple. It’s not hard to predict, due to the premise of this show, that at least a handful of those vying for the love and affection of our bachelor will undoubtedly be two cans short of a six pack.

That reality comes in many packages. For some, it’s the ditzy blonde. For others, it’s the overachiever who who can’t seem to keep her passion in check. You’ve got the girl who always wears her two favorite colors: short and tight. And then there’s the one you think is completely normal until she becomes paranoid that other people are stealing her boyfriend and she ends up asking the ABC Intern to help gather the materials needed for her famous bunny stew. READ MORE

‘The Bachelor’ recap: Heigh-ho the derry-o

Tuesday, January 6, 2015 @ 11:01 AM
Author: Lincee

Bachelor Farmer

It’s been too long my dear friends. And I’m so sorry we had to experience such a lame red carpet “event” to kick-off Prince Farming’s season of The Bachelor. Apparently anyone within driving distance who has ever been on the previous 37 seasons of any Bachelor franchise was given a golden ticket to walk up and down (or just stand around) roughly 150 yards of crimson fabric splitting the middle of the alley between two sound stages in East Compton. A handful of extras were persuaded to pose as “fans” as the ABC Intern frantically passed out neon poster boards with “Marry Me Chris” and “Show Me the Michelle Money” scribbled in permanent marker. Props to the studio guys who provided exclusive picture-in-picture moments, just like a real major award show. I’m so glad that one camera was able to capture that live moment 12 feet away from the other camera.

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